Mind Your Own Business
"Monsieur! Your name?!", the man demanded of Treville, bursting into the Captain's office with his wife, and still having D'Artagnan's ear firmly in his right hand, dragging him along.
"This is your superior?" the man demanded of the cringing Gascon.
"I already told you- this is Captain- ow!" D'Artagnan yelled, wincing as the man furiously shook his head.
"Shush, you! I have already heard enough from you this day!"
"Then why did you just- oopfff!" Another yank.
Captain Treville, completely at a loss as to what this melee was all about, but no doubt guessing that their youngest recruit, looking completely mortified, was the cause, cleared his throat.
"I am Captain Treville of the King's Musketeers. May I ask what this is all about?"
The man finally let go of D'Artagnan and replied, 'I'll tell you what this is all about, my good man! My wife and I were having a perfectly private conversation, when this brigand here-"
"Private conversation? I could hear you from all the way down the street!" D'Artagnan declared.
Now the wife spoke up. "That did not give you the right to lay your hands on my husband, you interloper!"
"Madame! May I ask that one person speak at once? Monsieur, let's begin with you. May I have your uninterrupted version of the event?", Treville said, making a point of glaring at D'Artagnan, as his way of signaling that he should just shut up for now.
"I already told you, were you not listening?" the man spat, in such a rude, derisive tone that made Treville now begin to side with D'Artagnan, regardless of what actually did occur. "We were just talking when this young criminal shoves me aside and tells me to leave my wife alone! Imagine that! Ordering me away from my own wife!"
D'Artagnan looked like he was fit to burst, but with some difficulty managed to obey his Captain and keep his trap shut until Treville allowed it.
Treville asked the wife, "And do you have anything to add, Madame?"
"It is as my husband said. It is extremely disconcerting to know that Musketeers are now being given license to throw their weight around where it is not welcome! The audacity!"
Seeing D'Artagnan's anger and outrage reaching an almost inconsolable height, he decided it was time to try to come to the boy's rescue.
"And is it not possible that this exchange could be misinterpreted as a heated disagreement that may have required some intervention?"
"Absolutely not! Musketeers, and anyone else, for that matter, have no right to meddle in other people's private affairs!" the husband replied.
"I agree, monsieur," Treville replied, prompting D'Artagnan's face to fall. "Now if you will allow my man to give him his interpretation of what happened. As you have had your say, that is only fair, I'm sure you would agree?" Treville diplomatically said in a tone so reasonable that none could argue.
"Fine," the husband reluctantly said.
"D'Artagnan. What occurred, in your own words?"
"I was on my way to the Garrison when heard a row from down the street. As I noticed it got more pronounced, and it sounded as if an all-out fight was eminent, I moved towards it.
"When I spotted them, the argument was quite loud. Suddenly, I saw this man shove her about. That's when I decided to intervene."
At the mention of him shoving his wife, the man blanched but did not contradict D'Artagnan.
"And by 'intervene', you mean…?" Treville asked.
"I- pulled him away from his wife, and asked, 'what is the meaning of this?' I swear that is all I did!"
"And how did he react?"
"He- he told me to stay out of affairs that don't concern me. And when I inquired on her welfare, she…slapped me across the face and told me to mind my own business."
"I see. Thank you, D'Artagnan. Monsieur, did you actually lay hands on your wife?"
"I- we- I do not see how that is relevant. It is my right to-"
"Your right?" his wife now interjected. It is your right to strike me and demean me and yell at me? You just watch yourself, or I will sock you one!"
"And no one who knows what I have to endure being married to you would ever judge me in striking you, you infuriating hag!"
D'Artagnan, for his part, looked on in stunned silence, his brown eyes wide in shock.
And as the wife moved to hit her husband, Treville yelled "STOP!"
His loud, commanding voice had both husband and wife halt in their tracks.
Treville calmed himself long enough to ask, "Monsieur, may I ask what you intended by coming to the Garrison today? Was it to ensure that I doled out some sort of punishment for what transpired between you and my recruit here?"
"Of course! Such insolence should not go unpunished! Now, as for what type of punishment, may I suggest an apology, followed by a public flogging?! After which, I suggest-"
D'Artagnan looked a little green at the man's suggestions, but Treville cut off the disagreeable man before he could actually vomit.
"I believe those are excellent suggestions, monsieur."
D'Artagnan could not believe his ears. "Captain!"
Treville ignored D'Artagnan and continued to address the man.
"Monsieur, the floor is yours. Apologize to my man. His name is D'Artagnan, by the way, and he is one of the finest, most honorable Musketeer recruits that I have ever seen.
"And based on how well your apology is accepted by D'Artagnan, perhaps I will consider waiving the flogging portion of your punishment."
"W-WHAT!? Well, I never- how could- the impudence-"
"Please leave my office right now, the two of you. I've changed my mind about the apology or the flogging- being married to each another is punishment enough."
D'Artagnan could barely contain a smirk when the man turned to his wife and said, "Come, dear- I will no longer stand here and be insulted by some-stranger!"
"…when you can go home and get it from your own wife," Treville mumbled, loud enough for only D'Artagnan to hear.
As he went to take his wife's hand, she smacked it away and shouted "Don't you dare touch me, you pathetic oaf!"
"As if I would ever wish to touch you ever again! If I did, I would never stop vomiting!"
"And you'd best check your food before eating it, lest you be surprised by a special ingredient that your stomach will not enjoy!"
And so it went as they continued their animated bickering all the way down the Garrison stairs.
Once their angered voices diminished into the background, D'Artagnan spoke up. Thinking on Treville's words of praise, he felt himself a bit embarrassed.
"Thank you, Captain. I suppose I- misread the situation."
"It's alright, son. Your intentions were noble. Now, unless there is anyone else out there complaining about your behavior, you are dismissed."
As D'Artagnan began to take his leave, Treville said, "Tell your three brothers that they neglected to train you in all things regarding domestic disturbances. This is particularly distressing, as often squabbles such as these can be scarier and more dangerous than those we encounter with Red Guards, or murderers."
D'Artagnan smiled. "Yes, Captain, I'll be sure to give them a proper dressing down, as they have clearly been remiss in this area of my training."
3