Wars didn't start with two armies facing off. They started as disagreements between neighbors. Disagreement bred discontent which in turn bred resentment. From there, violence was inevitable. And indeed, violence seemed quite inevitable in the Serenatea Pot.
The neighbors came from every nation and every aspect of society. Monstadt knights, Liyue royalty, elites of Inazuma and Fontaine, commoners of Sumeru.
They faced off in the grassy plain, waiting for another to make the first move.
Ei, the Electro Archon, manifested her blade. Storm clouds swirled around her. Opposite her was a white-haired woman who bore a talisman and spear. Shenhe eyed the Shogun, violence plain on her mind.
Amber had an arrow nocked. She watched Yoimiya who fingered her own bowstring. Fire trailed from their fingertips. They kept an eye on Ganyu, who was equally ready to attack. Ganyu split her attention between the Pyro wielders and a tricky Yelan, hiding on the roof. The Hydro wielder had an arrow trained on the archers. One wrong move and it'd be lights out for all of them.
Dehya had her great sword aimed on the pirate captain Beidou, who stood braced for an attack. Navia had her gun umbrella locked and loaded, ready to shoot at Eula whose blade emitted a frosty glow.
Not far off, Lisa summoned an electric cloud as she faced off with Yae Miko who had unveiled her tails and Ningguang who had the Jade Chamber ready to fire.
The tensest confrontation came between three sword wielding maidens. Ayaka, Nilou, and Keqing were locked in a three-person showdown. The ladies had no intention of backing down.
Some of the warriors were shy. Collei, and Noelle were shaking, but resolved to give it their all. Some of the warriors were not warriors at all. Furina and Yanfei both knew they were outmatched, but neither one planned to leave today as the loser. Some warriors were Fatui, others Eremites, who had found their way here inexplicably.
All the women of Teyvat, ready to throw down over one disagreement. Who gets Aether?
Tubby sighed. Her master was far too popular for his own good. He couldn't stop gathering admirers wherever he went. It didn't help that Aether gave out realm passes too willy-nilly. He had unwittingly brought together every woman competing for his affections.
She had to settle this dispute before a brawl broke out. Half the women here were more than capable of destroying the realm in an instant. Tubby refused to let them undo all her work building up the teapot.
She floated to the center of the stand-off and cleared her throat. "Pardon me, but you all are only welcome here so long as you agreed not to fight."
"You accuse me of starting a fight? I will have vengeance for this slander."
Of course, they wouldn't listen. They loved Aether too much to back down from their rivals. This situation required a delicate approach. Luckily, Tubby had just the idea.
She turned to the most powerful women present, Ei and Shenhe. These warriors could split islands in half and freeze tsunamis. They were the biggest threat.
"Ladies, fighting each other will only make things worse. Do you not see that this behavior will upset Aether?"
Ei was the first to react. "How so?"
The Electo Archon's sudden note of concern reached the others. If she was worried, the rest should be as well. Just as Tubby had hoped.
"Aether is a gentle soul," she explained. "He cares for all of you. If he found out you were all quarreling over him, he'd be devastated. If one of you got hurt, he would never forgive himself. And he certainly wouldn't forgive the person who did the hurting."
Ei and Shenhe both flinched. In the heat of their resentment, they hadn't considered such a possibility. Both became quite flustered, lowering their weapons. Neither wanted to be the source of conflict if it upset Aether.
Now, Tubby had to appeal to the others. Those two were the most powerful, but not the most likely to snap. That would be the three sword wielders. Tubby turned on them.
"If you quarrel, Aether will feel obligated to rescind every realm pass and never speak to any of you again."
That did it. Ayaka, Keqing, and Nilou dropped their weapons immediately. The other girls followed suit. Greatswords and polearms vanished. Purple storm clouds dissipated and arrows returned to their quivers.
"You're right," said Keqing. "I'd rather Aether be with one of them. That's better than never speaking with him again."
"Yes," Ayaka added glumly. "Better to see him in the arms of another than to never see him again."
Nilou sighed. "I can't believe I almost attacked someone like this. I…I'm sorry."
Tubby smiled. Despite their disagreements, they each truly adored Aether. His happiness was of utmost importance to them. Each wished to be his companion because deep down each desired to remain by his side forever. In that sense, they were all more alike than they realized.
"But how do we settle this?" asked Hu Tao, who had been facing off with Chevrusse, Rosaria, and Mona. Now Tubby had her opening. Truthfully, she had a solution in mind the moment Aether brought Amber and Lisa to the realm. Her proposal would be met with some resistance, so she had to be tactful.
"May I offer a suggestion as a neutral third party?" she inquired.
"You show much wisdom, adeptus," said Ei. "But how can you resolve this without conflict?"
"It is simple," said Tubby. "I shall explain, on the condition that you all agree to abide by whatever I suggest."
Ei answered, "If you have a solution, I will be willing to listen."
Excellent. Tubby hoped to court favor with the archon first. If the mightiest woman agreed, the others would fall in. Sure enough, Shenhe said, "I will as well."
One by one, the women promised they would agree.
Now came the tricky part.
Tubby said, "There are two options. First, none of you have him."
"None of us?! I will have vengeance for this injustice!"
"As I was saying, there are two options," Tubby said with a hiss. "Two, mind you."
Eula meekly apologized, asking Tubby to continue.
"First, none of you have him," said Tubby. "Or second, all of you do. You learn to share him."
"SHARE?!" A chorus of voices echoed.
"Yes, share. Either that, or this petty squabble tears apart this realm and your bond with Aether along with it."
Silence.
This time, Shenhe spoke up, "Sounds good to me."
"Indeed," said Ei. "A most wise solution."
Silence.
Everyone glanced at the sword wielding trio.
The girls were red as pyro slimes. Ayaka hid her face behind her hands, shocked by the suggestion. Keqing was a short-circuiting, unable to speak. Nilou pondered thoughtfully.
They had been the most adamant about fighting for Aether. Their decision would dictate what happened now. Either they compromised or nobody won.
Finally, as of one mind, they nodded.
"Um, there's still a problem," said Keqing. "Who gets him first?"
This too, Tubby had prepared for. Using adeptal magic, she summoned a wooden box. They would draw lots.
So, the lots were drawn. Some women were happy with their number, others like the sword trio were a bit less content. They drew up a contract specifying how they would behave around the traveler, what conduct would be permissible, and what would not. In the end, few people were truly pleased—aside from a very shocked Noelle who drew the first-place ballot. Nobody got everything they wanted.
Well, Tubby believed a good compromise should leave everyone a little unsatisfied.
The women returned to their realms. When the almighty electro archon and the maiden of devastation finally left, Tubby nearly collapsed. That was beyond terrifying. Every second she acted so calm and rational was another second she feared for her life. If her voice had failed, if she couldn't talk sense into these girls… oh, her precious home.
"Aether," she grumbled to herself. "If you bring another woman home, I'm going to throttle you."