*Here's another happy collaboration between Isainparadise and Sweepea. This tale is a sequel to 'Picture Perfect', S/Ps 2021 valentine story on AO3. We're posting on both sites. Sassy emails and comments sometimes lead to new stories, thank goodness! We're posting here and on FanFiction as well. All comments, groans, and scoldings are welcome. S/P*
Loopholes and Fine Print - Valentine's 2024
Part 1 of 3
January
It's late at night and Honore's portrait photographer, Porsche Pholeo, is once more looking at the single surviving and incredibly intimate (not to mention HOT!) photo that the island's two top cops sat for last year to celebrate their newly discovered love for each other.
Well, 'sat' isn't exactly the right word, more like a super secret undercover kidnaping! She'd been blind-folded, run the equipment, then relieved of the SIM card. DI Poole had developed the photos himself, the SIM wiped and returned, and she was never meant to see what she's looking at right now... but the Dark Web has it's uses, neh? She'd managed to recover only this one shot but it made her wonder about the rest because it is hot, hot, HOT! Yes, Camille Bordey is either very observant or incredibly lucky because DI Poole's suits hide a LOT.
Oh, she dearly wishes to use this photo to advertise couples' boudoir Valentine portraits... but she daren't face the wrath of Saint Marie's Chief of Police! She'd be legally within her rights to use it, Camille HAD signed the standard waiver, but she also feels it in her bones that an eruption of Mount Esme would be safer than the Inspector's outrage. Somehow she's sure her defense about 'the small print' just wouldn't cut it with the man.
Porsche did have an advertising idea. She had mentioned it to Mr. Pholeo, who in turn mentioned it to the Commissioner at the Christmas Soiree, and the Commissioner seemed interested. Truth be told, the photography business is in the doldrums and needs a boost. She loves her job, making beauty visible, and besides, Inspector Poole is so serious and stuffy, which is fine for his job but he'd basically a very rude man. He offends everyone everywhere all the time except for his officers who forgive him everything. Perhaps he should be taught a lesson? And Porsche wants to show Camille that she isn't afraid of her. Well, not much. She smiles. The business must be revived and this secret photo is going to help do that. With a determined air, Porsche gets to work... for she has a cunning plan.
A week later
Richard Poole is reviewing case notes. It's not that Saint Marie's police force missed anything important, it's just routine procedure. A trial looms and the prosecution wants everything tied up with no loopholes for the defense to eel through. Even the fact that Valentine's Day also looms and he will celebrate properly doesn't stop him from concentrating on the report.
"Richard..." Silence. "Ree-charrr..." More silence. Camille is bored and thinking about the upcoming Valentine festivities. This makes her think about the photos taken last year. She regrets she can't display them for daily viewing, she and Richard are representatives of the island's police and have to be careful of scandal. Commissioner Patterson might forgive them a minor indiscretion (such as falling in love) but even he has his limits. Still, she has the photos very well hidden and she and Richard make good use of them on more than one night.
Dwayne, not to be outdone, is at his desk, engrossed in the economic aspects of the review. Poole wants him to take promotion and this is a good test of Dwayne's abilities.
At the Public Counter, Fidel attends to a woman reporting the theft of a goat. Everyone at the station is well aware that the goat is on the farm of the woman's ex-husband and that the judge gave them joint custody. Poole is glad to let Fidel handle it and can't help wondering who the hell would want custody of a goat?
"Rich...!" Camille has lost patience and is bored with being bored but at that moment the phone rings and she's the only one free to take the call. She answers sternly, "Honoré Police Station, Detective Sergeant Bordey speaking, how can I help you?"
"Hello Camille, this is Porsche. I need to speak to you and Inspector Poole regarding a rather delicate matter. Can you come to my shop? I think we need privacy for our talk." Camille stares at the receiver in sudden alarm. Something in Porsche's voice sets off a warning bell and her undercover reflexes take over. 'Delicate' = 'intimate' = 'sinful' and that instantly translates into 'those nude photos from last year'! Camille blinks, shakes her head, thinks, No, that can't be right. Surely Porsche wouldn't try to blackmail us? Porsche is still talking, "'I've already spoken to Commissioner Patterson, he's very happy with a tourism promotional idea of mine but I'll need your help."
Camille's pulse cautiously settles and she breathes a sigh of relief. Not blackmail. Whew. Her voice sounds completely normal as she replies, "Certainly, Porsche, we'll come to the shop as soon as the Inspector is free." But the thought of those photos won't go away so she adds, "Um, what's this about? Can you give me a hint?"
"Not on the phone, Sergeant, but this could be a real bombshell for Saint Marie. Goodbye."
Camille hangs up, a frown on her beautiful face, not all sure if she should still be worried or not. Great, a bombshell, I'm sure Richard won't love that. And the Commissioner is involved? Richard won't love that even more!
30 minutes later
"I absolutely refuse this absurd and undignified idea!" The clipped English accent is more clipped than usual, each word chopped off as if with an axe! Camille knew for a fact that Richard would not take to this idea at all. They've been in Porsche's studio for two minutes, long enough for her to outline the idea for a promotional calendar of Saint Marie's public figures, and long enough for the policeman's anger to rise to unimaginable heights.
Porsche persists, "The Commissioner agrees and, even more importantly, the Commissioner's wife agrees. It was Mr. Pholeo who approached the Commissioner so don't blame me, I'm just following orders." She hands Richard some printouts, "Here, Inspector, why don't you look through these? It'll give you some idea of what the Commissioner wants."
As soon as Richard is busy, Camille takes Porsche's elbow in a death-grip and draws her a few steps away before hissing low, "You'd better tell me right now this doesn't have anything to do with our sitting last year! That was private and if you say anything..."
Porsche shrugs, "I haven't said anything... or printed anything... which is a pity."
The silence spins out and out before Camille gulps, "You... you've... seen...?" Porsche nods small. Camille coughs, checks over her shoulder on Richard then pulls Porsche further away and hushes, "But... but... he erased the SIM. How could you...?"
Porsche murmurs, "I wondered if it could be restored so I searched the Dark Web. Digital photography is a growing field and there's always more to learn. I managed to pull off one image... well, more of a ghost image, really. It's safely under lock and key so let's forget that for now. What I need from you is help to convince other prominent public figures to be in this charity calendar, that's all."
Richard is finished with the printout and hears the tail end of this last remark. "Charity?" he speaks up with derision, "Which charity?" He slaps the printouts against his thigh and says with disdain, "And do we get to leave our shirts on?"
Porsche turns to face him, "Yes, shirts stay on... and there are plenty of charities here in need of financial help. And before you ask, only my costs of producing the calendars will be paid. All profit is for the island. Your cooperation is vital. In return..."
Camille leans in and growls into Porsche's ear, "In return, you'll prevent a certain photograph from getting misplaced and published by mistake?"
Porsche whispers back, "I'm always very careful, Sergeant, but accidents CAN happen. Besides, it's not my fault you didn't read the fine print on the waiver. That's my safety loophole."
Camille's eyes flash dangerously, "If he finds out, you will be in SO much trouble!"
Porsche bravely replies, "Well, I'M not going to tell him. Are you?" Camille's alarmed gaze to the Inspector is answer enough so Portia mutters, "OK, then you don't have anything to worry about, do you? Just help me and everything will be fine."
Richard now approaches with a frown, "So we have to convince some other poor devils to pose for this calendar? I'm not too popular, my friend, so I can't be much help to you there."
Porsche nods to Camille, "I think the sergeant would be more helpful in that area but I assure you, Inspector, if you agree to be photographed, I shall have no shortage of volunteers. You might not think you're popular but you ARE respected."
Richard is not mollified. He crosses his arms, "I demand Commissioner Patterson be in the calendar too, Mrs. Pholeo. As the old saying goes, 'what's sauce for the goose is sauce for the duck'." Then, just to prove that he isn't completely oblivious to the situation, he pins Porsche with a stern look, "And I hope the trust we placed in you last year is not broken and a certain matter is never mentioned... EVER. The Law has a very long reach."
Camille's eyebrows fly up in admiration at this extremely polite show of force. She touches his arm and looks to see how the photographer takes this threat. By the look on the woman's face, she takes it very seriously so Camille presses the point home, "I'm sure we can trust her, Richard. She's a professional and would never be so careless, right Porsche?"
Porsche nods wordlessly. She has taken note - and learned another valuable lesson - push this Englishman too far and he'll come down on you like a ton of bricks! She smiles reassuringly at the irate man, "I'm sure there won't be any problem as long as we work together and do as the Commissioner says. The best interests of the island is always his first concern." She watches Richard cool down and smiles again, keeping his upcoming surprise to herself.
END - part 1