Author's Note: Rated T just in case, pre-slash if you skint. Enjoy!
Spock settled opposite Jim. "Are you well Jim?" he asked in concern.
The blonde gave him a wry smile. "Just still a lot to process is all," he remarked. The Vulcan patiently waited. "How lost Eddison became, the lives of the crew that were lost-"
"And?" Spock prompted. Jim blinked. "Your list did not sound finished Jim.
"It will sound trivial in comparison." The Vulcan's eyebrows quirked. "I'm now a year older than my Dad made it to," he spoke in a rush.
"That would naturally be unsettling for you," the Vulcan remarked. Jim blinked again. "Jim, all of your life you have been compared to the standard of your Father in a variety of ways. For you to surpass his example in any way would be strange. Not negative, simply an unusual sensation for you."
"Like with my first command of the Enterprise," Jim murmured. Spock's eyebrows rose again, and Jim grinned before sobering. "When he was recruiting me, Pike told me my Dad had saved the life of everyone on the Enterprise in his brief stint as Captain and dared me to do better."
"Which you did through saving the Earth," Spock stated, and Jim nodded. "How did it make you feel?"
"Elated, proud…and apprehensive." The Vulcan waited once more, causing Jim's lips to quirk. "I'd been working towards the goal, and completed it, but in doing so, I had stepped up to the responsibility of it, and essentially declared that I was willing to shoulder it in the future. The lives of every member of my crew would rest on my shoulders every time we flew, it was a daunting prospect."
"And yet that never showed."
"I had faith, that between the skills and capabilities of the crew, we would meet whatever challenges that we faced. Which, we did, ultimately against Eddison, it simply wasn't unscathed."
"The Federation will remember every life lost," Spock stated.
"And so will we," Jim spoke with feeling. "They gave their lives to save others. Much as I would have loved for all of them to have longer, fulfilling lives, there is nobility in their sacrifice, and I won't diminish what they did."
"Everyone joins Starfleet, knowing the dangers that we face."
"And make the choice to serve on a ship regardless," Jim added. He blew out a breath. "Eddison didn't understand that, not really. He Captained his ship in a time of war, and couldn't handle the transition into a time of peace. When they became lost in the Nebula, their transmissions didn't get through. He thought they were being ignored, between that and losing so many of his crew, he got lost in his rage, and reverted back to his war-time mindset with Starfleet as his enemy."
"He was lost long before we came along, Jim."
"Yes. I know I couldn't have gotten through to him – I tried – and ultimately we did the best we could for him, by stopping him. You can't win every battle, just like you can't save every life."
"All any of us can do, is make the best decision we are able to in the moment, Jim."
"Exactly," he agreed. "I might feel regret for a while yet, but I know that we did the best we could do in the moment. We're all at our best when the odds are against us," he stated, and Spock watched as tension left his shoulders.
"Do you feel better for our discussion, Jim?"
"Yes I do," he replied with a smile. "Thanks Spock."
"Any time Jim."