It's not like sixty feet is all that high, Mac reasoned with himself.
But the awkward way he had to crouch to get into that narrow shaft made it hard to get his grip on the fire hose he'd turned into a makeshift rope and tied off to one of the large lab tables. Neither he nor Jack were particularly confident about the stability of them, but it was their best option, and at least they were unlikely to break, they figured.
But because they'd only had one rope, this was a climb rather than a rappel, and it was slow going, so he got to really feel every inch of it.
Then his brain helpfully reminded him that given an inability to maximize surface area due to the size and shape of the shaft he was in, it was far enough that if he fell and survived it, it would still at least shatter his legs. Yeah, thanks, Brain.
From below him, Jack grumbled, "I shouldn't have answered my damn phone. Now instead of buyin' Daphne a steak, I'm probably gonna just wanna eat her brain."
Jack's worried about girl problems? I wish all I had to worry about was craving brains at the end of today.
If it weren't for Nikki listening to their comms, Mac would have told Jack how he'd flat out lied to her to avoid going to her family's place for the long weekend they had supposedly been about to enjoy. And now she had to know it, because if they'd been at Mac's like he'd told her he would be all weekend, it would have taken them at least forty-five minutes to get to the office, and given the traffic report on the radio, it could have easily been an hour or more. Instead, their favorite diner, which was in a much slower part of town much closer to the office, was typically only ten or fifteen minutes from DXS, and obviously Bozer hadn't been with them or they'd have had to figure out a way to ditch him first to keep their cover.
She hadn't mentioned it, but Mac could tell she was irritated with him, if only because she usually didn't flirt on comms. She knew it embarrassed him and she'd been doing it a fair amount already today. There had been an edge to it, too. Even more than her usual.
Instead of even alluding to that, Mac glanced down at Jack. Oh, man. I thought we must've gotten further than that by now. He looked up at where they'd come from and realized they were almost halfway. The floor just looked way too far. Jack always said he exaggerated how far off the ground they were. But Mac usually ignored the assertion because he'd said it when they had to jump out of a plane and Mac knew exactly how far that had been, because he'd looked at the altimeter.
Okay, maybe we both need a distraction.
Mac groped for something that would come off as lightly teasing, sort of funny, and maybe get Jack thinking about something else. Movies were a reliable default for both of them. "Well, we didn't cover Rule Number One today, but I think we're pretty solid on that one regardless," he said, now careful to keep his eyes on where he'd come from, rather than where he was headed.
Jack glanced up at him. He knew even though this looked like it was totally unrelated to the reason Patty had called them in, the kid must be up in his head something awful about O'Neill anyway. And Mac was never a fan of being much off the ground if he could help it.
He approved of Mac's dogged determination to reference Zombieland despite O'Neill's former military nickname. In fact, they'd watched that movie a couple weekends ago at Mac's firm-jawed suggestion and the kid had even seemed to enjoy it. So, even though Jack was more than half-convinced this was an adventure that could legitimately end in either brain cravings or Borg assimilation, he decided Mac probably needed to kid around a little to keep himself in the get-the-job-done zone.
"Well, I got the double tap and shoot first covered," he called up. "And we for sure have the buddy system and havin' a kick ass partner stuff in the bag."
Mac glanced down again and immediately regretted it. He decided if he focused on his hands, he'd be less likely to accidentally let his eyes wander. He pictured the Rules of Zombieland and, as usual, something imaginary that got his brain working on recall helped almost as much as balancing chemical equations in his head. "I've got the Swiss Army knife, and Hell, I always travel light." He forced a laugh. "We've got most of the rules covered without even trying, so maybe you'll get that steak after all."
"Well, to be honest, I was more lookin' forward to the after dinner possibilities, but I'd take comin' out of today with nothin' more than a craving for rib-eye."
Mac was about to say something else, but the rope jerked. He froze for a split second. Then, something creaked and dropped them several feet. He gasped and his legs stiffened to firm up his boots contact with the wall and his hands gripped the rope so tight it hurt. His eyes found the floor again, completely independent of his wishes. I really hate this. His heart had taken off at a gallop. He hated that, too. So much for, 'You'll get over it eventually, Gus,' his inner voice growled at the memory of his grandfather.
"You're okay, man," Jack said in his most encouraging voice. Then he added in as unconcerned a way as he could, "The table slipped is all. We figured that'd happen."
"Easy for you to say. You're closer to the ground," Mac mumbled.
"What was that, kid?" Jack called up, knowing exactly what Mac had said but hoping if he kept talking he'd feel a little better.
"I said, can you see anything yet?" Mac countered, making himself refocus on the descent rather than the ground.
"Um…" Jack angled around, hanging down a bit to try to get a look at what was going on below him. He only had about ten feet to go anyway. "There's plenty of light. And some noise like wheels maybe. That's all I got."
"Nikki, are you picking anything up with your sweep?" Mac asked.
No answer.
"Nikki?"
Nothing.
Huh.
Maybe this tunnel was too insulated for comms. Or something was jamming them. He looked down at Jack sort of instinctively to gauge his partner's reaction to their sudden lack of an analyst.
Ugh. Still at least twenty feet to go. Why does that feel so far?
Jack dropped the last few feet below him and onto the floor. "Wonder if the Robot Legion of Doom is screwing with our comms."
Mac glanced down again. Less than ten feet. Well, alright then. He was about to respond when their improvised rope jerked again. Before he could think anything other than, Oh, shit! it let go.
It wasn't that far, and his landing hadn't really hurt, but as Mac started to pick himself up and look around he realized it was because Jack had broken his fall with … himself.
"You okay, pal?" Mac asked, climbing to his feet.
"You're a lot heavier than ya look, kid. Maybe I oughta quit tryin' to feed you all the time."
Mac offered Jack a hand up. "I'm gonna remember you said that the next time you start nagging me or dragging me to the diner instead of going for our morning run."
Jack massaged his lower back, grimacing as he did so.
Guilt about Jack's injury last year flashed across Mac's face. "You still didn't answer me. Are you really alright?"
"I'm fine," Jack said in a spot-on impression of Mac that made the kid flush. "See what you sound like?"
"You're a funny guy, Sarge."
Jack flashed a grin. "Seriously though, I'm good. Gun dug into me is all."
Mac smirked. His partner was definitely full of shit because Mac knew, with objective certainty, that Jack's back had bothered him off and on since the warehouse incident. And he knew what Jack said about that, but regardless, Mac still felt responsible. "Okay, okay. Just sometimes I think it's good to remind you what you sound like."
"Brat," Jack snickered, then drew his weapon and edged Mac behind him as he scoped out the hallway. Actually, it was more of a tunnel than a hallway, wide but with extremely low ceilings that made even Mac, who was several inches shorter than Jack need to duck his head.
Empty. Huh.
After a minute he glanced over his shoulder at Mac, who was craning his neck trying to see around Jack anyway. "Doesn't look like there's anything … Wait … You hear that?"
Mac frowned and nodded. "Yeah … I think maybe I … It's … oh, no…"
"What?" Jack asked, eyes going a little wider.
"Sounds just like I always thought robot zombies would."
"Dick!" smacked him lightly on the arm with the backs of his knuckles. "I'm serious."
Mac shrugged. "Just the same mechanical sounds we've been hearing. Only … weirdly further away."
"Actually, kid, I was thinkin' the same thing."
Caution was getting them nowhere. Mac ducked around Jack to start up the tunnel toward the sounds.
Jack swore under his breath and was right behind his partner a second later, mumbling under his breath about not much caring for being about bent double a hundred feet underground with probable zombie robots.
About ten steps in, Jack noticed an incline to the floor and that he'd instictively begun crouching lower. "Uh, Mac?"
"Yeah, I know," he whispered.
"The floor…"
"I know," he repeated. "Shh. Listen."
"I don't hear anything."
"All the mechanical noise has gone quiet."
Mac looked around for a minute, then started sliding his hands along the wall.
Jack followed, frowning. "What're we lookin' for, Mac?"
"Not looking. Found," Mac replied as he crouched down to the floor, taking out his Swiss Army knife and sliding the blade into a seam on the wall. "I heard movement behind this."
Jack got closer so he could see what Mac was up to.
Suddenly, Mac's knife hit a release and the panel slid partially open. "Yes!"
Jack couldn't help but smile at Mac's little under his breath exclamation of victory.
Mac pried the panel off fully, revealing another access tunnel. "What do you think of this?" he asked over his shoulder.
There was light down here, but it wasn't awesome. Jack squinted like it might help. "That it's just about the right size for one of those robot thingys."
"Yeah, that's what I think, too." Mac looked around for a minute, not really at anything, just thinking. "Can you cover the entrance here and I'll head up here to see where this side tunnel goes."
"Mac, buddy, that damned tunnel looks like it goes on forever."
"I won't go far. I have an idea."
Jack sighed. "Alright. But not far. I don't want to face the zombopocalypse by myself, kid."
Mac grinned. "Rule 33. Still got my Swiss Army knife, pal. We're apocalypse proof."
Jack grinned back, forcing his genuine anxiety about being underground in a bio research lab surrounded by robots mostly under wraps. "If you say so, kid. Hurry your ass up and get back here though."
Mac nodded his reassurance and headed up the dim subterranean passage on his hands and knees, still having to duck his head to do so. Before long he came to a fork in the tunnel. It was dark in both directions. Mac held his breath for a moment, trying to create enough silence to hear the subtlest of sounds. He thought maybe he heard something off to the right.
He took out his phone and turned on the flashlight. He stretched his neck a little. He was stiffening up from his position. It was unlikely to get better until he could stand up and stretch properly.
He headed up the new tunnel.
He'd gone probably twenty more feet when it occurred to him that if he found what he was anticipating, he'd probably want back up. In truth they had enough to call in reinforcements from DXS already. He started to turn and head back out to talk it over with Jack and caught the flicker of a shadow just in time to flinch before there was a sharp pain at the back of his ear.
Out in the main hallway, Jack was getting antsier by the minute. Mac had been gone long enough. They should've just called the damned cavalry in when they found the entrance to the freakin' Umbrella Corporation. Jack shivered as he pictured those spooky zombie dogs from the movie with that super hot chick joining forces with undead i-Robots.
He turned and leaned into the access Mac disappeared into. "Mac! C'mon back, now. You've been down that rabbit hole long enough."
No answer. Jack grumbled colorfully under his breath for a minute about stubborn geniuses. Then he tried again. If their safety wouldn't get his attention, maybe reminding him that his girlfriend was out in the van would drag his ass back here.
"Mac! Dude! Let's head back up to the surface and make sure Nikki's all good, huh, kid?"
When he was met with silence again, he swore more audibly. Then he started mumbling about how he was going to drag Mac out of that tunnel by his ears and enjoy every minute of making him climb back up that … Damn, it … He'd forgotten their rope broke until just now.
Well, they'd just have to do the Mac improvising thing.
He was ready to head into the tunnel after his partner, where he was pretty sure he'd about have to belly-crawl in to fit, when a very quiet voice spoke right behind him.
"If you'll place that firearm on the floor, you may just make it out of here alive."
Sonofabitch.