"All right, so the party's all planned for tomorrow, and everybody's comin'. That can go on the back burner while you tell me what's botherin' you."

Steve had asked Soda to meet him at the church once the two got off work for the afternoon, and the pair now sat together on the altar as light shone through the sanctuary's stained-glass windows. "I feel like I should've already said something to you about this, but I just wasn't up to it yet. Samuel told me two days ago that he thinks Chris might be Clara's son."

Soda's eyebrows raised as he recognized the couple of present clues, these making him remember Clara's vague statements about Christopher, as well as the phone conversation he'd overheard. "Okay. I've gotta admit, I was so busy bein' distraught by Emily talkin' about sexual abuse that I didn't even think of this at all."

"I didn't either. I was too worried about you to connect the dots. But it's not just that his name is Christopher, and he was also abused. His dad's name is Nathan, and his mother's not around."

Soda touched Steve's shoulder, feeling the palpable distress that was emanating from his friend. "So, what now then, buddy? What do we need to do?"

Steve could only shake his head, even as he felt his heart swell with Soda's use of the word 'we.' "Nothing. There's nothing we can do."

"But don't you want to know for sure if-"

"Yes! Of course I want to know, Soda. But I can't. I can't just go to Chris and say, 'Hey, did your mother abuse you? By the way, she did the same thing to me too.' I can't hurt him to satisfy my own pointless curiosity."

"It's not pointless. I understand why you'd want to know. It ain't even somethin' you need to explain to me."

"I wish Samuel hadn't said anything. He wanted to go to Chris if it was okay with me. Not as bluntly as what I just said but basic questions that could lead to the rest."

"And you don't think that's a good idea."

Steve noticed the lack of a question in Soda's words as he also felt his friend's hand squeezing his shoulder. "I don't. I can't. Because I can't want this. But I keep thinking about it anyway, and it's driving me crazy. I know the right thing is to stay out of Chris' life and business, but there's something in me that needs to know as much as I can find out. Like with Grace, you know? I had to talk to her about what she'd seen. I needed to fill in those blanks as much as possible."

"And everything to do with Clara's husband and son was always the biggest blank. All you've ever known is that she probably abused Christopher too."

"Yeah, and I've wondered what she was like with him. I've wondered how he must've felt. I've thought that maybe he looked like her with those green eyes and blond hair. But he was just a little boy too. A kid like me. One she was supposed to love."

Though Soda feared he could inadvertently bring Steve's much needed catharsis to a halt, he knew he had to respond somehow. "Yeah, and that's why this is important to you. It's another piece to the past that's affected you all these years. I get why you don't think you should bring it up with Chris, but however you feel right now, that's yours. Nobody else is here besides us, so you can wonder and ask questions as much as you need to, and I'll help you sort it out any way I can."

Steve saw what he always had as Soda's brown eyes stayed fixed on him, his friend's unconditional love there for him to rely on in the midst of feelings that seemed new and unique. "Soda? What do you think? Do you want to know if Samuel's right?"

"What? I mean, I want what you want, Stevie. If you think it would be wrong to ask Chris any questions, then-"

"No. Put that aside for a second, man. What do you, personally, think? Do you want to know if he's Clara's Christopher?"

"Well, yeah, sure I do. But that doesn't matter. It's your decision what comes next. You were the one who was abused, not me."

"But you were a target too. She didn't get the chance to hurt you, but we both know she would have. That's why I care what you think, even if you disagree with me over how to handle it. So, do you think I should go to Chris and talk to him? Would it really be as bad as it seems in my head?"

"Maybe it wouldn't be. You look at it as hurtin' him, but I see it as somethin' for you. And, honestly, I think askin' him a couple of questions would be better than drivin' yourself nuts. He works with Samuel, and his sister plays with Emily all the time. So he ain't going anywhere, and that means you won't be able to just forget after a while."

"Yeah, I guess that's true." Steve stared up at the stained-glass windows that had become so familiar during the last eleven years, the cross' glow still as comforting as it had been when he was younger and only beginning to understand the role spirituality would play in his life. "But I don't want it to be like I'm using him to make myself feel better. That's his pain and his story. Even if he's not Christopher, we know he was abused, and I'm having a hard time reconciling being the one to bring that up when we barely even know each other."

"Well, the way I see it, Chris brought it up himself by talking to Carrie. I'm sure he didn't mean for it to go past her, but it still did. So, once she told Emily, the subject was open. You could lead with that about the girls, then tell him you kind of knew a Nathan and Christopher a long time ago. You can even tell him what happened to you. Just be gentle and see how it lands."

"It's funny. That's basically what Samuel wanted to do, and I was so quick to shoot it down. I couldn't see past the thought that we have no place in causing Chris to look back at what must be his most terrible memories."

Soda took care to be gentle himself as he steered Steve to see what was right in front of him. "We don't, but Stevie, I'm more concerned about you than I am about him. We don't know much at all as far as how he's coped with what happened, but somethin' I do know at this moment is that you're lookin' back at your most terrible memories. So, yeah, since you asked me, I do think you should talk to Chris. I think it's worth whatever risk comes with the conversation. I can even be there if you want me to."

Steve looked down at the altar where they sat, the passing of time not capable of making him forget the very first moment he and Soda had shared here in this very spot. He remembered how his best friend had been so vulnerable with him, a difficult childhood secret giving the two young men their chance to be brutally honest with one another in a conversation that had set the stage for many others. "Soda, what if he really is? What if Chris is Clara's Christopher? The kid she said she lost, the child you heard her talking about on the phone? What if this is real?"

"Hey, come here, buddy." Soda put his arms around Steve, holding him through what he knew must be a destabilizing sense of both anticipation and dread. "Then we burn that bridge when we come to it. I know things feel like a lot to confront, but you can only deal with a little at a time. First, you need to figure out what you want to say. That is, if you are going to talk to him."

Steve hid his face in Soda's shoulder, the arms that had so often hugged and loved him feeling even more comforting than usual. "I am. And I do want you to be there too. Please talk to Chris with me."

"You got it, Stevie. I'll be glad to. Even if it's just for moral support." Soda slowly pulled away after a few more moments, his hands holding Steve's shoulders as he searched the other man's expression for clues to what else could be brewing inside. "Buddy, I need to tell you that you're not usin' Chris for anything just 'cause you want to talk to him. Yeah, it's his pain and his story, but you're sharin' yours too. It ain't like you're doin' it for no reason, and I don't think there's a clear cut right or wrong. As much as this talk might get awkward or uncomfortable, you're only responsible for one thing here."

Steve held Soda's gaze, his friend's earnest brown eyes giving him strength in a time that felt fraught with weakness. "What's that?"

"Rememberin' your worth as a person who took the road filled with guilt and shame and turned it into a path that led to somethin' beautiful. You're the guy, my best friend I love as a brother, who made your trauma into a mission to be there and help other people by showin' them compassion and kindness. And you did that way before you became a counselor too."

"I love how you see it, how you see me, but I have to admit, I'm not sure what to take from it right now or what it's supposed to mean for this situation."

Soda's hands moved from Steve's shoulders to his wrists, giving them a squeeze. "It means I've been sittin' here listenin' to you talk, and I could hear in your voice how you're thinkin' about Christopher and about your own memories in a way that tells me this cuts deep. You were soundin' real reflective, and I've seen that before. So I know it can be a sign that things are too tough for you. As much as I realize this goes without sayin' now, I want to make sure you know I'm here for you and that I'll do anything I can to help."

"I know you will, buddy. I always know I can count on you." Steve got up from the altar, pacing a few feet away as he imagined talking to Chris and the directions which the conversation could take. "He could tell me to shut the hell up and never talk to him about any part of his past ever again."

"He could. But he might also see talkin' to you as gettin' answers himself. You just won't know till you ask and see how it goes."

Steve moved back to the altar, this time getting on his knees in front of it. "Soda, will you please pray with me?"

Soda responded by kneeling down beside Steve, wrapping one arm around his friend as he bowed his head. "God, I know you've met us right here before. Not just in this church but in pain and memories that leave us with a lot of questions. I came to talk with Steve today 'cause I knew he needed somethin'. And I can't fix what's botherin' him, but I'm hopin' you will."

Steve leaned his head on Soda's shoulder as he remembered all the times they had prayed together in the past, those moments working together to shape the present. He closed his eyes, the noise of the turmoil within fading to barely a whisper as he listened to his best friend intercede on his behalf.

"Please give him peace, God. And the words to say to Chris when the time comes. I have a lot of faith in Steve bein' able to do anything he needs to, and I pray for you to provide him with whatever will work to make this better."

Steve had been praying internally up to this point, but he joined Soda now in voicing his petition. "Yes, please, God. I feel like there's some reason for what's in front of me today, so I pray for strength and wisdom." He pictured the glow that Pony had once claimed surrounded them as they prayed, the image making him want for the presence which he'd felt then. "And, even more than that, I pray for you to hold me, to reach down and let me feel the arms that have the power to see me through."

A banner stretched across Steve and Olivia's back patio, the big letters on it spelling out 'We love you, Nicholas.' Everyone was gathered within the fenced yard, some playing Frisbee, while others huddled around the grill. Nicholas himself sat in a lawn chair, gazing at the banner which had brought tears to his eyes when he'd first caught sight of it upon arrival.

Samuel was close by, a spatula in hand as he cooked burgers and hotdogs on the grill. He noticed the way Nicholas was staring at the banner, smiling as he reached for his friend's shoulder. "We didn't think 'Congratulations, Nicholas' had quite the right ring to it. Neither did 'Get Well Soon.' So we decided to go with reminding you of what you already know."

Nicholas realized his eyes had begun to tear up again as his gaze shifted from the banner to the many loved ones in his life who had come to celebrate his continued recovery. "I haven't felt so scared anymore. I was when I first got home but settling in and finding a routine helped."

Elijah, who had been playing with Emily and Elaine, ran over with the Frisbee in his hand. "Hey, look what I can do, Uncle Nicholas!"

Nicholas watched as the little boy prepared to throw the Frisbee, his fingers on top when he released it. "Nice throw, Eli. Keep practicing."

Emily came over too, her frustration evident as she put her hands on her hips. "Eli, that's not how I showed you. It didn't even fly anywhere. You're doing it wrong. Right, Uncle Nicholas?"

Nicholas pretended to think for a second, seeing Samuel send him a grin as he was flipping a burger. "Well, I don't know, Em. There's more than one way to throw a Frisbee. Can I see yours?"

Emily took the Frisbee from her brother, only her thumb on top when she let it go. It flew across the yard, landing at Olivia's feet. The little girl then turned back to Elijah, pointing to the Frisbee. "See? Mine actually flew because I threw it the correct way."

Nicholas got an idea, standing up from his lawn chair as he put his hands on Elijah's shoulders. "Hey, could you run and get that Frisbee for me?"

Elijah nodded, eagerly running across the grass and returning with the Frisbee. "What now, Uncle Nicholas? Can you show me how to throw like Emily?"

Nicholas knelt down to Elijah's level, the child's blue eyes making him think of the pictures he'd seen of Matthew, who hadn't gotten to live past this boy's age of three. "Oh, I'll show you how to do even better, Eli. We'll have a contest so me and you can show Emily how it's done."

"Soda, you've gotta relax, man. You're going to do just fine. Let me know when you're ready, and I'll go make sure the scene is all set."

Soda stared at the ring in his hand, slipping it into his pocket as he and Steve were on the latter's front porch, away from the rest of the group. "You're soundin' like a director again, Stevie. I could've sworn I was over my anxiety about proposin', but it's here again makin' me doubt everything about myself."

Steve held fast to Soda's shoulder as he led his friend over to the far side of the porch, where Olivia had planted blooming magnolias and orchids. "I think that's the thing about anxiety. It makes you think it's gone, then it returns with a vengeance right when you need your peace the most. But just remember, buddy, you found your way to understanding where it comes from, so you're stronger than any nerves or fear or past questions."

"But what if I'm not? What if I get in front of Mallory and am nothin' but weak? What if I choke or-"

"You won't, brother. You love her, and you're taking the most natural next step in the world. Now, go put that ring on your woman's finger before I get out there and do it for you."

Soda laughed softly at this, not totally certain his friend wouldn't take matters into his own hands if he didn't get moving himself. "What a confusin' night that would be for everybody in your backyard."

"But, hey, it'd sure kick your ass into gear, right?" Steve gave Soda's shoulder a squeeze as he realized he needed to tread carefully the line between jokes and compassion. "Not that I'm trying to say it's as easy as that line suggests. But I do think the longer you stand here with me, the more you'll end up too much in your head."

"You think talkin' about my anxiety will make it worse?"

"In a manner of speaking. Because we've already had our heart-to-heart where you dug deep enough to find and understand the roots. There's nothing else left to do but move on to the moment that'll start truly resolving the feelings."

"So, if Mallory says yes, that'll resolve them, huh? What if it doesn't?"

"When she says yes. And that will resolve the part of this linked to the other two proposals you've made in your life. Once you get started with being engaged, there won't be any comparisons for you to draw. Everything about it will be new."

"I sure hope so. But I really do think the insecurity will find way to come back up again. I can't even see how it wouldn't." Soda gripped the porch railing, a bit of weakness and tingling going through his right hand, symptoms that were now mostly limited to times of great stress. "I'll be married, Steve. I'm marryin' Mallory."

"You've gotta ask her first, brother, but yeah, you will be. And because you have the tools you need to deal, the idea of marriage won't keep connecting back to the pain you've been through. Even if you do feel insecure, I think that part will lose its sting over time."

Soda could feel Steve's arm around his shoulders as he took the deepest breath possible. "I'm ready. 'Cause you're right. If I keep standin' here, I'm givin' my nerves time to talk me out of doin' what I know I want to do now, and since I already know why the anxiety's there, that won't help me. I can't delay the future 'cause of the hurt in the past."

"Hey, I really like that, buddy. I'll have to use it sometime." Steve went down the steps of the porch then around the side of the house, where he could see Mallory in the backyard as she chatted with Olivia and Vivian. "She's occupied, man. And everyone else is out there too. Now's your chance."

Soda descended the porch steps as well, hand reaching into his pocket to clutch the ring when he saw Mallory on the other side of the fence. "You'll stay right here?"

"Yep. I wouldn't miss this for anything." Steve kept his promise as Soda passed through the gate, watching as his best friend appeared to casually join in the ladies' conversation before getting down on one knee. Hearing the cheers and clapping when Mallory's face lit up and she said yes, Steve echoed the sounds of congratulations. At the same time, he saw the couple kiss, Soda's gaze meeting his own afterward as they both shared in the thought that, no matter how hard it tried, fear would always be the one to lose.

"I'm sorry, Steve, for being the one to bring that up. I should've realized it would create a lot of conflict for you."

Steve had joined Samuel in the backyard, the two packing up what remained of the food while the rest of the group visited inside. "Well, you weren't exactly in the best position. What could you do? Keep it from me when you suspected something that might be kind of a big deal?"

Samuel wrapped hamburgers and hotdogs in aluminum foil, hearing the voices of his children, who ran onto the back porch, Darry right on their heels as he chased them around. "That's true. But I'd rather be in an awkward spot because of a possibility than cause you certain pain. Even so, I know some things now that make me reasonably sure I'm right about who Chris is."

"What do you mean? Did you say anything to him?"

"No. But he talked to me a little bit when I went to pick Emily up from Nora's house on Wednesday. I wasn't sure if I should tell you because of what you'd said about Chris' story and past. I want to respect your feelings about this, so if I should stop here, just let me know."

Steve sensed the seriousness in the moment, Samuel's expression one that searched his own, even though he'd already told the preacher he'd changed his mind about having a conversation with Chris. "No. Don't stop there. I want to hear this. What did he say that makes you so sure?"

"Things that make the conclusions quite obvious. Maybe even enough that you won't find it necessary to talk to him yourself because you'll already have your answer."

Steve sat down in one of the lawn chairs that was still out on the grass, his mind swimming with memories of his own, as well as the ones he'd created for the Christopher he never thought he'd know beyond the shady clues of Clara's past.

Taking the lawn chair beside Steve's, Samuel put his hands on the younger man's shoulders, seeing in his face what he had so many times before. "Steve, Chris told me his mother died when he was ten but that she's been dead to him since he was eight. He also said she didn't care about him and used him for her own personal gratification. Just so we're clear, I didn't ask him questions. He started with apologizing to me for his talks with Carrie getting back to Emily, and it went from there."

Steve gave Samuel the smallest of nods, feeling him squeeze his shoulders as his eyes began to burn. "So Chris was- he was even younger than me when she- I mean, if we're right, and his mother is the one who abused him, he was a really little kid."

"Yes. He was. And I doubt there's another explanation for the way he phrased how she treated him or for the bitterness I could hear in his voice."

Steve turned his head to look at the house where he'd just started his marriage with Olivia, able to see through the windows as everyone he considered family celebrated both Nicholas' recovery and Soda and Mallory's engagement. "I feel so out of place and off track. I have these wonderful moments in front of me, but I'm chasing a piece of the past that feels like it'll give me one last answer. Soda said he'd talk to Chris with me, but I don't want to cast any shadows over a time he should just be finding joy in for as long as it lasts."

Samuel could see the same scene of happiness from his own seat, hearing the voices from inside the house as both long ago and recent traumas seemed to fade into the distance. Yet, the preacher knew this was only an appearance, for reality was much more complex, its life and heart not exclusive to events counted as 'good.' "I'm sure he doesn't see it as you casting shadows, Steve. Besides the fact that you had no control over the timing as far as when what we learned about Chris came to light, this is Sodapop you're talking about here, and being there for you is like breathing for him. We also know that you'd offer the same presence and support if the situation was reversed."

"Yeah. He couldn't keep me away if he tried."

"For what it's worth, Chris seemed pretty open, even though he wasn't specific about what happened. No one who listened could miss the implications he made during our conversation. I don't think he'll shut down or push you away, though he might not be totally transparent or direct."

Steve realized that Samuel's hands had left his shoulders as he also suddenly longed for the anchor found in physical touch. He then reached out himself, holding firmly to the preacher's arm. "I really don't want to hurt him, Samuel. I hope I don't."

"You won't. The pain's already there for Chris, and he was willing to let me see it. If he knows where you're coming from, I think he'll do the same for you, and somehow or other, you'll get your confirmation."