Hi! So here is another story from me for this wonderful fandom. I wanted to get this out before the start of the New Year but I was burning the candles at both ends so to speak finishing up all my other stories so I decided the best thing to do was to take a little break and recharge and get into a good place to start this one.

So this is based on 3x11-A Dead Kid, A Notebook And A Whole Lot Of Maybe's. I found this episode with Jay and Ethan incredibly moving and I know that even though they didn't show it Ethan got a card at the end of that episode, I genuinely think he was Jay's Nadia. So I decided to do my own tweak on it and put them both through the whumper again. And so we have 22 chapters based out of one episode. Yeah...here we go again.

Disclaimer-Nothing here is mine.

Please Read and Review.

I do not do private messages anymore. If you have a question then please stick it in a review and I will try to answer it in the next chapter notes.

I will try to update as soon as work allows me. Spelling and Grammar have never been my friends please keep that in mind too.

I do swear a lot in this chapter and in this story and so if you don't like that stop here. The usual pairings are the Season 3 pairings. Jay/Erin, Kim/Adam, Al/Meredith etc.

There will be TRIGGERS for child abuse in this story and in this chapter. Please consider that before you start reading.

Call It Paradise

Chapter 3-I'm Triggered

In which Jay is having a really, no good shitty kind of day (or Jay's POV of this chapter)

Jay is having a no good, shitty kind of day. A really no good shitty kind of day.

It starts like this…

Ethan is gone when he gets up not that, that is unusual. Ethan hasn't been himself recently and Jay would try and get to the bottom of it. Would try and force his son to sit down and hash this out between the two of them but he's so tired and bone achingly weary and sick to the back teeth of his boss that he can't find the energy to lose twenty minutes of sleep.

He thinks looking up at the ceiling that he's made a decision. He could get out of that unit but he knows Woods, knows what has happened to others who have tried to leave the cult and he knows he doesn't have the stomach to be working the courthouse the rest of his career so that means retirement.

And really that's not a bad thing. He's an ex cop he knows that he is good for private security. Terry just the other night had come round to tell him that he was a private security guard for a pot farm that was totally legal and paid him twenty grand a run in cash.

Ethan's expression when he'd heard this had been hilarious. Or it would have been had Jay not been worried that he would choke on his rice.

He drags himself out of bed and stands under the shower drinking his coffee. He looks around the empty apartment and sighs. It seems a lifetime ago since he was greeted by running little feet, hand painted drawings and a big hug that would wash away all of this shit that was the day. Now he has a withdrawn teenager that doesn't speak to him and look…he knows that, that is par for the course but still.

And Will of course is no help. His brother (who was furious with him when he found out that he was a single teen Dad living near as damn it on the streets without so much as a phone call) had no experience with teenagers who didn't have odd things protruding out of him and his comment on the fact that at least Ethan hadn't got a girl pregnant was not helpful AT ALL.

He closes his eyes and takes another mouthful of coffee and then grabs his phone and leaves his apartment.

He hears about it on dispatch.

ACTIVE SHOOTER. WEBSTER COUNTRY DAY. NO CONFIRMED SHOTS, NO CONFIRMED DEAD BUT ACTIVE SHOOTER AND BOMB THREAT.

For a second he is sure that he mishears it he really is. For a second his brain is blissfully blank and he doesn't think and then the knowledge of what has just been said and what has happened and what could be happening hits him like a freight train and he turns in his car to the point where there are skid marks on the road and then he is gone.

He makes it to the school before he get the all clear and he opens the car door and vomits into the street.

Only then once he has swigged back his coffee in three gulps and has made himself look semi professional he manages to make it to the police line flashing his badge.

"Detective?"

He turns and there's a cop standing there her hair in a thick pony. Her hair is chestnut brown like one of those ponies you see in the film and she stares at his badge in confusion.

"Can I help you Officer…Burgess?"

And look…it's not in Jay's nature to be a dick to the patrol because they have a harder job than he does and also…well…you can't do your job without them but his son might be dead and until he sees Ethan alive and well he is not going to be nice. He can send this patrol officer a skincare bundle in the morning if he has too (Will).

"Intelligence has the case…I wasn't aware anyone else had been called?"

"My son is a student here"

She looks him up and down and then.

"Oh—"

"I was fourteen" he says flatly. He doesn't know why that matters but her eyes widen and then she nods.

"Okay…well…we've got a list of the students who were in the building—"

"Do you have everyone out?"

"Yes"

He looks at her and she takes a step closer. "We have everyone out" she says in a quiet voice. "Intelligence found the shooter with a bullet in his brain, looks like he bottled it and took his own life. The bomb—"

"Oh God" he said bending over. She patted him awkwardly on the back and then.

"We disarmed it"

"Yeah okay…and the kids?"

"Waiting until a parent can—"

"Ethan Halstead"

"Yeah" she said blinking rather rapidly. "Yeah let me go and find my partner and—"

But her partner was already over there. Ken Doll in the flesh.

Well…that might have been a bit harsh all things considered but as Jay had already pointed out it was not the best day.

"Ethan Halstead isn't here?"

"What hospital"

"No man he's not here, wasn't in school this morning."

Jay opened his mouth and then closed it again. His brain was not engaged for this.

"I don't…he has a swim meet"

"Bro he's not there. He didn't register…looks like he might have bunked off"

Jay opened his mouth again and then nodded and turned on his heel.

He didn't know if he was going to kill his son when he caught up with him or hug the life out of him.

Either way he was going to do something and he didn't know what.

And Ethan it seemed was still not picking up his phone.

Denny Woods, Jay decided, was a monster right out of hell who deserved to be hanged until he was quite simply dead. Jay didn't think that he had ever hated a man more than he had hated Denny Woods in this moment and he had been thrown out of his house with his baby by his drunk father and then before all of that had watched a child murderer skip free of prison to commit more crimes.

All in all he was not in the best mood when the Desk Seargent called him over.

Alexandra Twilight simply handed the piece of paper at him.

"Trudy Platt, 21st called. Your son is there, he's being held as a suspect?"

"Suspect?"

It took his brain a moment to catch up with him. He couldn't help it. He was still trying to get his brain around his son being alive. Twenty one voice messages and he was slowly running out of both hope and patience.

"Halstead look at me"

He did.

"Go now. Go right now. Go before he sees you. They think your son is involved"

"Involved in what?"

"The shooting, the bombing…I don't know…look I've known Trudy for a long time and I know she has an in with Hank Voight—"

The name hit him like a tocsin bell. Suddenly he was back on those cold steps holding his baby and begging Hank Voight not to take him off him. He was pretty sure he still had the card with him somewhere in his wallet. He had never called it. Pride and a deep lack of trust when it came to father figures had meant that he was not interested in calling but he remembered the kindness, the understanding…all of it.

Hell it was why he had a badge on his hip after all.

"But I don't like him" Twilight continued. "I don't like him at all and he has a reputation…let's just say" she said tapping her nails on the desk. "I just think that it would be better for you if you got to your son's side before they slide a confession in front of him"

There was a pause as Jay stared at her and then he nodded. He felt sick. He took one step backwards and then another and then he was out of the precinct and into his car phone off and putting the damn thing into reverse so sharply he nearly knocked over another couple of patrol officers that were loitering nearby. And as he drove he thought biting his lip so hard it nearly bled.

Shit was he supposed to call a lawyer?

One thing he was sure of…as sure as he was of the air he breathed in, was that his son was not involved. Ethan was a hot head, he had a temper, hell he was a Halstead through and through but his son was no shooter, his son was no manic with a bomb and Jay knew that a lot of parents over the course of history had said that but this time he was sure of it. He was sure that he knew his baby, his boy, his bone and his flesh and his blood and he knew that his baby was innocent.

He slammed the car door shut phone still on the seat. He would call Will from whatever phone he got too. He didn't want Woods to know that he was here.

A grey haired woman who could have probably hit him hard across the mouth without breaking a sweat stared at him as he came in.

"Ethan Halstead"

"Yeah"

"I'm his Dad"

She ran her eyes up and down him and…

"And you had him at what? Twelve?"

"Fourteen…fifteen…look it doesn't matter is he here or what?"

She eyed him and then before she could do anything he had pushed past her and was up the door.

"Aha…that's a buzzer…oh for the love of…kid move aside"

He ran up the stairs and nearly flew into the wall but he was aware at the last minute that someone was watching him.

He rebounded and then…

There he was. Hank Voight in the flesh.

He was older than Jay remembered him but the fundamentals were still the same.

This was the man who had saved his life. Jay was under no illusions he'd be dead if he'd stayed in that house.

He didn't know what to say but then Hank Voight said it for him.

"Hello" Hank Voight said pleasantly enough.

Yeah…like Jay had the time to be that nice. His baby boy was in danger!

"Where the fuck is my son"

In case you hadn't noticed survival was ingrained in the Halstead genes by any means necessary. Even if it meant tanking your career by speaking to a superior who could kill you on looks alone (and that was before you looked past his reputation).

"You Halstead?"

"Yeah"

"Hank Voight, I run Intelligence"

"I know" Jay said because that was fucking obvious. Everyone knew about Intelligence ergo everyone knew about Hank Voight.

"Doesn't answer my question. Where's my son Voight"

"Sergeant"

Jay felt his lip curl in annoyance and a bravado he did not entirely feel.

"We gonna play it this way?"

"Hey I got youth division in with him. I don t need you to be in there."

"You think you can stop me?"

Jay was about ninety percent sure that he could win against the other man but that being said looks were deceiving.

"I think you need to calm down" he said evenly.

Jay blinked at him.

WAS HE FUCKING KIDDING?

Maybe it showed on his face…God knows he couldn't keep it in for much longer.

"You…you want me to calm down? I mean…do you have any idea what my day has been like. I have had two phone calls today, one has been to tell me that there is an active shooter at my son's school, I had to hear on dispatch that it was over and that the kid…who I know by the way…had shot himself…I then get a phone call from the middle of work because my boss is a twat who can't let me have the day off to check if my child is still alive to find out that not only has my son had the shit kicked out of him but that he is under arrest as an accomplice and that he is being spoken too without me. So perhaps Seargent but you can understand why I am a little upset, when I come up here and I get jerked around by some old timer who stands in the way of me and my son"

Hank Voight looked him up and down and then it was as if a switched had been flipped. He nodded as if he had come to some great decision by himself that Jay couldn't comprehend and he shot Trudy Platt behind him a kind of apprising look that Jay didn't understand and woudlnt until much later.

"This way"

What just like that?

"Just like that"

"Yeah. But before I take you too him do you wanna know what I have on him?"

"What your gonna tell me?"

"It appears so" Trudy Platt muttered behind him.

"Yeah. Look…" at this point Hank Voight handed him a notebook and Jake took it. It belonged to Colin who he knew had been a kid on Ethan's swim team and he flipped through it frowning. It was an ode to trouble pictures of shooting, lists of names, violent manifesto images and he paused as he came across the sentence that made him shiver in both horror and terror.

SPOKE TO EJ TODAY HE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO UNDERSTANDS.

Understands what?

"I have a dead kid, this and your son's initials scrawled all over it. Coupled with the fact that he's dropped off the swim team—"

What?

He's head snapped up in shock and he hated that Hank Voight knew it.

Ethan had dropped off the Swim Team? But the swim team was what got him his…what the hell had happened?

And how the hell had he missed it?

"Sorry what now?"

Hank Voight said nothing for a second and then he nodded and when he spoke next it was with a tone that was borderline soft.

"I am not saying that the kid knew what was going to happen but It's clear that one way or the other your son is involved. He might not be involved willingly but he is involved and I have a lot of parents just like you who want answers. I still don't know if there is an involved threat or not. So I need your kid to talk. And so far he's been about as forthcoming as a rock"

Jay nodded half hearing the words and then…

"Oh I'll get him to talk" he said darkly and then he threw down the book and stalked towards what he hoped was the interrogation room…hand to God if they had his baby in the fucking cage…

He didn't listen to what was happening behind him.

Nothing else mattered.

Nothing but Ethan.

Nothing but him.

And there you go, hope you enjoy.

Next Chapter-In which Jay tries to protect his son but now all of a sudden his baby is not responsive and there is a woman (stunning) who could kill him with one glance in the interrogation room.