96- It's Not Your Fault
Summary: Nancy didn't know a lot about Barb's death but she knew one thing, it wasn't El's fault. And she was going to make sure she knew that.
Requested by: Boris Yeltsin
El had always looked up to Nancy.
She'd always have a confidence in her, like she was the smartest person in the room. And usually, she was. Nancy had also been really kind to her and even taught her somethings about girlhood, like style and makeup.
So, why did she feel guilty every time she was around the older girl?
Probably because she was responsible for her best friend's death.
Yeah that was it.
On the odd chances that she was ever in the older girl's room, which was getting more frequent, she saw the pictures line the walls of her and Barb. Guilt swarmed her stomach whenever she saw their happy and innocent smiles.
The thing was, she never told anyone that she thought this. El kept it bottled up, always pushing away the thought and guilt. She never thought she'd tell anyone, that it would never be spoken about.
She was wrong.
Boy, was she wrong.
It was a normal Saturday, with El and the boys at Mike's house. Max had join them as well, though El didn't really speak to her.
After getting bored of the boy's banter and Max returning the cold shoulder as she read some comic, El slowly ascended the stairs, wandering around the kitchen for a bit.
"Hey El." Nancy entered the kitchen and gave her a small smile as she reached into the cupboard and grabbed a bag of chips. "What are you doing up here instead of down there with your posse."
Posse. That was another new word El had learned. Nancy had started calling the group that, even more when Mike had complained to her that it was called the Party.
"Bored."
Nancy nodded, she had gotten used to the girl's short sentences and limited vocabulary. "Well, do want to come hang out with me? I've just been reading some old magazines."
El hesitated. She didn't really want to go up to Nancy's room, where the image of Barb could be seen on any wall. But she didn't really want to go downstairs and she wanted to hang out with Nancy. So, she nodded.
The two girls headed up the stairs, Nancy asking questions about how El was doing along the way. When they got there, El glanced around the room. It looked the same when she had first discovered it, with Nancy adding a couple more posters and small possessions. The pictures were still there though.
El plopped down on the soft bed, Nancy plopping next to her. "Have you ever seen these?"
She was asking about the beauty magazines sprawled out on her bed. They all had teen girls with bright clothes and big hair. El couldn't wait for her hair to grow out so she could style it like that. El nodded. "I've seen them in stores. Hopper won't buy them, he says it's a waste of paper."
Nancy smirks. "Of course he did. Well, here's one of my favorites." Nancy slides a magazine towards her. "The hair it just right and the outfits are to die for."
It was weird hearing Nancy talk like that, she didn't usually talk about fashion. El took her word though, she herself knew next to nothing on the topic of fashion.
After flipping through some magazines, the phone gave out a series of shrill rings, prompting Nancy to roll off the bed and answer it. While she did, El cautiously looked at the pictures she'd been avoiding. Barb was so happy, her death was tragic. It wasn't even an official death until the lab made it. She never got a proper burial, a proper goodbye. And it was all El's fault.
The thought rattled around her head, back and forth, back and forth. The picture of Barb lying the in pool, covered in vines and slime, having been slowly eaten by the horrors of the Upside-Down, flashes through her mind. She couldn't breath suddenly, hand wrapping around her throat.
Barb's screams.
"El? El!"
Barb's busted glasses.
"Just breathe."
No one knowing she was there.
"In. Out. Breathe."
In? Out? Would it work?
She had to try.
In. Out. Over and over.
It worked.
Soon, El was breathing normally. Dry tear tracks lined her face as she rested her head on Nancy's shoulder. The older girl soothingly rubbed her shoulder and quietly humming a calming tune. "Do you want to talk about it?"
It was quiet for a moment. Then the small girl croaked out a, "I'm sorry."
Nancy furrowed her eyebrows. "For what, exactly?"
"...For Barb."
Nancy inhaled harshly. "Why are you sorry for Barb?"
El sniffed. "It's my fault she died. I could have saved her."
Nancy's heart dropped. No 12 year old should feel guilty over someone dying. "Oh, honey, that wasn't your fault."
El shook her head. "I could've saved her." she stated it again, like she really meant it. She did mean it.
Nancy shifted on the bed. "Hey, look at me." She waited until El complied before starting again. "It. Is. Not. Your. Fault. You are not to blame for Barb's death. No one is. Not even me, I learned that a long time ago. The only one's at fault is the stupid Upside-Down and whatever horrid creatures are living in it."
"I unleashed the Upside-Down."
"That was not your choice. The lab made you, which is a cruel thing to do. So. I'll say it again. It is not your fault. Got it?"
El nodded, though she didn't look totally convinced. Nancy would make sure that she was. She would tell her it every time she saw her, write it on a sticky note and stick it to her if she had to.
But for now, she was content with just resting on her bed, El curled into her side. No horrors or nightmares could get them here.
Because it was not their fault.
AN: Hope you liked it Boris Yeltsin!