JENNIE
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I know the second I step through the door that I won't be able to sit alone in Lisa's bedroom. Lying in bed as the memories of all we've done and all we've been through fight for all my attention. I'll only get trapped in my thoughts and emotions, and that will make me feel even more helpless.
The little black velvet box from the jeweler's sits on the dresser and I stare at it longer than a sane person would. Swallowing thickly, I tell myself that I can at least try to wait patiently. I don't have to call for help every time there's a problem. The part of me that wants to be as independent as I possibly can says I should only reach out if something's really wrong.
That it's good for me to be alone right now.
But the other part of me knows that's very much not the case. There hasn't been much lately that serves as a good memory, other than being with Lisa, so it's all left me shaken and unsure of myself.
Without thinking, I move through the motions. I take off my coat and hang it up. Go to the bedroom and wash my face. I pull off my top and replace it with a soft sweater. It's comforting, it's luxurious even, but it doesn't stop the racing thoughts in all this silence.
Then, as slowly as I can, I go back to the shared space of this massive estate and to what seems to be the gathering spot: the kitchen.
All the while my heart beats harder and harder not knowing how any of this will go.
The clock on the oven says it's only been ten minutes. Ten minutes of shaking, ten minutes of triggering moments that threaten to undo the barely put together composure I'm holding onto. I've never been one to reach out for help, but something tells me I need to. I grab my phone and send Aria a quick text.
Are you busy? Can I come hang out?
I'm in the studio and have a glass of wine with your name on it, she texts back.
It's a huge house and these wings are like mazes, but I remember the way to her studio. Aria opens the door just as I raise my hand to knock.
"Hi." She looks concerned, but not worried, which might be just what I need at this moment. "You doing okay?" She moves slightly, her black silk maxi dress swaying around her hips as she does. The dress is simple, and she's only brushed her hair, yet everything about her looks expensive in a way that I could never achieve. An easy confident beauty. She ushers me into the room and I'm hit with the scent of roses and lavender. Her candles are lit.
I don't move just yet, trying to smile but my lips barely curve. "Not really. But I guess there's nothing I can do but wait for Lisa to get out. And…I'm hungry." Before I can ask her if she's eaten, she cuts me off.
"That last one we can do something about." She glances behind her and then quickly blows out the candles. "Would you rather cook or order something?"
"Cook," I say instantly. "I need something to do…you know?"
She nods in understanding as she steps out into the hallway. "Cook first, then we could read cards, if you wanted. Or just talk. Or watch a show." She rattles off options and doesn't hesitate to the lead the way. The mix of emotions that comes over me is sudden and unexpected.
This woman owes me nothing. She barely even knows me. Yet she walks beside me, willing to stop whatever she was doing just to be here for me.
My throat tightens as I tell her I'll be better once I've eaten. I think.
"I get that, too." Aria locks up the studio. We head to the kitchen as she tells me Mino is going to fix it all and everything will be all right. All the while she talks. She never stops talking as she rummages through cupboards and the fridge. "Pasta and Bolognese sauce?"
I can only nod, not trusting myself to speak and just grateful that she's doing this.
Aria gets out a pot and passes it to me. It's one of the fancy ones, heavy, and looks brand new. With the tap above the stove, I fill it and then light the burner.
"So…how'd it go? Before…before the cops showed up and killed the mood?" she asks me as she leans against the counter.
It takes me a moment to speak up, I have to clear my throat first.
"It was really good." I turn away from the pot. My mom thought the old saying about watched pots was true, so we always angled ourselves away while we waited for the water to heat. "Until it wasn't."
"Before that, though, you had a good time? Like did you find a ring?" she asks, glancing down at my hand that is very much lacking a diamond.
I nod, and then wish I had it with me. I wish I could show her.
"I bet she loved that." Her tone is soft and comforting and something about it soothes a sadness that won't let go.
"I think she did," I say and a gentle smile finally pulls my lips up.
"Well whenever you're ready I would love to see it," she tells me while reaching up for a wine glass.
I can't help it, I ask her what I couldn't ask Nate, "Do you know why?"
She shakes her head gently as the glass hits the counter. As she removes the cork from the bottle she says, "I wouldn't worry about it. Mino said the warrant should have never been approved."
"So he knows?" I ask, my tone hopeful and I don't know why.
She pours the wine, humming a yes and then says, "I wouldn't ask unless you really want to know."
I can only nod and then look back to check the water. Since its not boiling, I check the flame and realize it's on low. I increase it, pushing down the emotions and all the questions piling up.
I don't want to know. I don't want to be a part of it. But my heart clenches, I want to know that she'll be all right.
"What else?" she prompts me, changing the subject back to the good parts of today. "Was it tough to pick out a ring?"
"No. Nothing could measure up to the first one I really loved. Took a little while to convince myself of that, though." I can't help where my mind goes, "Maybe if I hadn't taken so long—"
"Hey." Aria looks me in the eyes. "Don't second-guess yourself like that. None of this has anything to do with you."
I only nod and try to avoid her prying gaze for as long as I can until I'm forced to look up.
Aria gives me a look that's only slightly skeptical. "It seems like something else is on your mind."
"I'm scared for Lisa."
"Don't be."
She's so confident in her answer, lifting the glass to her lips and offering me one. I let out a laugh. "I don't think I can stop worrying. I was also thinking about my mom and just…being married without her there, or without her even knowing. Getting married is it, you know? It means I'll be in this life forever, and it doesn't make sense to me that she wouldn't know about it." The words pour out of me in exasperation.
There's so much that goes into a life. Kids laughing in a bedroom when they're supposed to be asleep. Cooking meals with Lisa, as long as she's not in jail. A thousand little things like a wedding ceremony that your mom can be at and wedding pictures to look back on and….things like a wedding gown.
Aria nods. "Invite her here. Does she like Italian?"
I swallow thickly, knowing the first question my mother is going to ask me. "What about Lisa?"
She pats my arm, then turns to put a saucepan on the stove. "She'll be out soon. It's only going to be a deposition or an interrogation. They've all been through this before. Could be a few hours, could be a day or so."
I shake my head slightly and stay silent. I don't like the thought of Lisa being questioned or interrogated. I don't want her anywhere but next to me.
The flame clicks on and Aria scoots me to the right so she can take over the cooking.
She talks all the while gathering an onion, fresh tomatoes, garlic, a few cans of crushed tomatoes, and spices. "She means it when she says she'll protect you. Mino will, too. And now that the paperwork is filed and you two are legally married, they can't question you about her." Aria gives me an encouraging smile. "So I wouldn't worry about that, either."
A shiver goes down my spine. It's eerie how Aria knows everything without me telling her. "I actually…still have to sign it."
She whips her head around toward me. "Well, sign it." Aria glances back at the saucepan and the ingredients she's arranged on the countertop. She lifts her hands, but then she pauses and looks back at me. "You are going to marry her, right?" Her question is softly spoken, not judgmental, but once again concerned.
"Yes. I want to marry her." I answer without thinking and only after it's spoken do I realize how true it is.
"I love her," I whisper to her but also to me as tears prick the back of my eyes.
Aria lets out a heavy breath. "Okay, good."
She's clearly relieved, but my stomach drops from the way she said it. I'm beginning to understand the situation with far more clarity than I've had before. If I don't marry Lisa, things could go very badly for me. I don't really have a choice, do I?
It makes all those things I wanted to experience with my mom by my side feel less important and more important at the same time. Obviously, not getting to cut a wedding cake with my mom looking on isn't as important as our safety. But knowing that our lives are so fragile that we have to do everything in our power to protect ourselves makes me want it even more.
I want her to know my wife. I want her to know who I am when I'm with her. Who I've grown to be. I'm certainly not the same woman I was months ago, only worried about how I was going to pay my rent. My entire world has changed. I wouldn't be the same without knowing the Manobans. And Lisa wouldn't be the same without me.
"They might be brutal people," Aria states, breaking into my thoughts. "But they fight and love with the same intensity."
There's a half-smile on Aria's face when she turns back to the saucepan. It makes me think of her with Mino. The two of them as a couple. She's kind and generous, and he's a Manobans, but…they clearly work. The two of them have overcome whatever fears either of them had. It probably happened over time.
I've heard stories though. I know she grew up in this life and she has a brutal side to her as well. I wonder if she was always like this or if Mino made her this way.
I wonder what I'll grow to be and how much like her I may become. My heart pangs, even Lisa used to be different. This world turned her brutal.
There's a massive difference between how I felt about Lisa as a child and when I walked in here weeks ago. How I feel about her now is just as different. Back then, I mostly felt bad for Lisa and her brothers. Losing their mom and their father being the way she has…
It's one of the reasons I was so drawn to her. She was like a broken bird. She only needed someone to love her. I could feel it even as a little girl.
So to love her now…of course I do. Of course I love her. It's not her that holds me back, it's this fucked-up brutal world and all that comes with loving a woman like her.
My signature on a sheet of paper doesn't seem like as much protection as bodyguards and guns, but it is. It keeps me safe in a way that Lisa might not always be able to with brute force and an intimidating presence.
If I can understand that, so can my mom. Somehow, we can make this work. We have to, because life isn't worth living without the people I love.
My face heats up at the thought. It's as if I blinked and I see it all so differently. I was so scared before that I couldn't see how much they meant to me, or how much I meant to them. Everything seemed hopeless. Now I know that it's not, and here I am, tempted to give in to those feelings.
"They care for you, Jennie." Aria doesn't turn to face me as she stirs the meat sauce in the pan, but her voice is gentle. "I was there when the lawyer called, and he told us—" She shakes her head. With a few taps of the spatula on the edge of the pan, she puts it down and finally looks at me. "I care for you, too. So if you ever feel low again, will you tell me? I'm here for you. We're all here for you."
"Ever feel low?" I whisper the way she said it and feel my throat get tight. We both know what she's talking about. The window incident.
"I don't judge you," she says firmly. "All of us have our issues."
"I think…" I run my hand over my hair. Behind me, the water is starting to bubble. I can hear them popping at the surface. "I think I mostly just don't want to talk about it."
"That's fine." She reassures me with a quick smile. "We don't have to talk about it. We can do whatever you need."
Aria's kind. She's almost too kind, which makes me feel more conflicted. I don't know if I can trust her. I don't know if I can trust anyone. Guilt twists my stomach for even having the thought in the first place.
What the hell is wrong with me? With the water boiling, I shove it all down and grab the box of spaghetti.
The guilt doesn't go away as I put the noodles into the boiling water and set a timer. Aria works on the sauce, stirring in spices, and we stand side-by-side in front of the stove.
Neither of us says much, and Aria seems fine with not talking. That makes me feel even guiltier. I don't have any business not trusting her, I guess. She hasn't done anything to make me think she'd try to hurt me on purpose.
Hell, I'm the one who messaged her.
I'm hungry and emotional. That's all this is. I can't be expected to think straight when today has gone the way it has and I'm starving.
Aria takes down plates before I can even ask where they are. She prepares the plates while all I do is watch. "Come on. Sit down and let's figure it out."
For a second, I think she's talking about the whole situation, and that doesn't seem like something we can solve over a plate of pasta. "Figure out what?"
She turns to look me in the eye as she answers, "When would be a good time to meet your mom and to introduce her to your new wife."
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LISA
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That fucker didn't let me out of there till 3:00 a.m. I sat in a room doing fuck all with nothing but my damn thoughts and an old-ass heater clicking on and off every twenty fucking minutes.
There are four bottles of whiskey on the bar cart and I choose the one closest. I don't give a fuck which one I drink so long as it'll stop my racing thoughts. I just want to sleep and have a moment of rest.
"You all right?" Mino's voice startles me from behind.
"Nothing I haven't been through before," I answer him. He's dressed in black silk pajama bottoms and looks like he rolled out of bed. "What are you doing up?"
"Waiting for you to get home. Did you check on Jennie?" he asks me…which is out of the norm.
"Yeah, before coming out here." She's sleeping soundly, wearing the ring I bought her, although I keep those details to myself. "Why?"
"Paperwork isn't filed yet?" he asks rather than answering my question.
"We'll get it postdated and turned in tomorrow."
"Good."
"Why did you want to know if I'd checked on her?"
"I didn't feel comfortable checking the cameras and Aria was asleep. Wanted to make sure she was all right."
A tinge of something warm flows through my chest. It's quickly extinguished though.
"Any thoughts from the interrogation?"
"Not so much an interrogation as it was a threat."
Mino only grunts a laugh, tilting the whiskey bottles to read each label. "Someone had to know Mauer was poking around and they didn't tell us."
He pauses, his brow raising as he looks from the bottles back to me, "You sure?
Nodding I elaborate, "He has info going back almost a year. There's no way at least one of the cops in our back pocket didn't know. The question is, why didn't they tell us?"
"Someone else is paying them off?" he guesses, and his guess is as good as mine.
"Could be."
"Let's pay a visit to some friends tomorrow and see what we can find." I nod and before I can pour a glass, he tells me, "We got a message from N about the rat too."
"What did he say?" N is a big deal on the West Coast, friends of ours work for him and he's someone we trust…well as much as we can trust anyone outside this house.
"It wasn't just Jisoo. There's at least one other woman but it's someone in the bureau. One of their men got wind that they picked you up today because someone told them." He pauses only a second before asking me, "Who knew?"
Adrenaline courses through my body, "Nate told the men at the bar he'd be with me." I swallow down the pissed-off feeling. "So it could be anyone." Frustration rings over me but the one thought that causes tension is that Jennie could be lumped into that group. She could have told them and given them a heads up. I swallow the lump in my throat. "Obviously Jennie knew but—"
"It wasn't her," Mino cuts me off with a hand on my shoulder.
"You checked her phone?" I question and shock is present in my tone but also hurt. He didn't trust her, but then again, I already knew that didn't I? Not only that, but my first thought was, when I'm back in the room, I need to check the monitoring device.
"Yeah…just to cover our bases. She didn't send a single message or make a single call. It's not her. It couldn't have been. I believe her and I trust you on this. It's not Jennie but there is another rat."
"You believe her now?" I ask him and he only nods. Relief floods through me as Mino pours two glasses of whiskey. The crystal tumblers clink as he picks them up.
"We'll figure it out," he says and passes me mine, "we always do," he adds before clinking the glasses and downing his.
He sets his down on the counter as the amber liquid soothingly burns its way down my throat. "You tell the others?"
"Of course, they all know it wasn't her," he tells me, looking me right in the eye.
Some part of me wants to break down and stop fighting simply from knowing I've won that battle. It wasn't my naive girl. But the other part of me feels nothing but rage. "It's the same person who set her up to take the fall. I know it. I know it is."
Mino pats my shoulder again, firm and indicating agreement.
"We'll handle it tomorrow. Sleep well."
I tell him good night and stare at the whiskey bottle a little too long, realizing her name is cleared. That my brothers believe her.
I didn't realize how much I needed them to believe her until this moment. Emotions I'd rather not acknowledge swarm me as I make my way back to her, knowing all too well the war isn't over.
When I open the door, the first thing I see is her beautiful form, the second is a stack of papers.
The marriage license lays unsigned, a pen laying across it on my nightstand. As I stare at it, Jennie turns in bed, rustling the sheets.
Pushing her hair from her face, she peers up at me through thick lashes. Her naked body is covered by only a sheet from her waist up and the comforter hugs her hips. She's tucked it between her legs and untangles herself from it.
"Lisa?" she murmurs my name and I swear I'm getting used to her waking up to me hovering over her.
I close the door and tell her it's all right and to go to bed.
She groans a sweet and sexy sound as she rolls and her breasts nearly show, but the sheet still covers them. Fuck, she's so goddamn gorgeous. I'm hard instantly. I close my eyes and hold back a groan as I strip down.
"What time is it?" she asks and I let her know it's nearly 4:00 a.m.
"We should sleep in tomorrow," she says sleepily and then hugs my pillow, scooting close to my spot, as if she's waiting for me to join her. I love it. I fucking love the little things she does like that.
It doesn't change the guilt though. It only makes it grow in my chest.
I tell her, as I stand at the foot of the bed, "I'm sorry I got you into all this." My voice is low and at first, I think she hasn't heard me, but then she speaks.
"I had an idea of what I was getting into."
"If you could go back," I dare to ask her, "would you?" The bed groans as I climb in next to her.
"No. That's the part I can't get over," she murmurs, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. The raw honesty is something I didn't quite expect.
I chuckle, deep and low. "It's not funny but—"
"No it's not," she comments back although apparently my smile is contagious because she wears one too. It brightens up her face.
Smiling into the crook of her neck, I wrap my arms around her and pull her in close. "I fucking love when I make you smile," I murmur at the shell of her ear and then nip her lobe. She yelps a sweet little sound while tangling her legs with mine.
I'm naked, she's naked, and this is all I want right now.
"Spread your legs for me," I command her, kissing down her neck and she's more than eager to agree. Opening for me and wrapping her legs around my hips. Before gripping my cock, I let my thumb rub her clit and her body shivers under me.
The sight of her teeth sinking into her lip as her neck arches makes me desperate to feel her cunt wrapped around me. In one quick thrust, I'm inside of her. I don't give her time to adjust, I don't stop when she gasps or when her nails dig into my back. I fuck her like she's mine, all mine to do whatever I want with. I shove myself as far as I can inside of her, groaning into the crook of her neck as she screams out my name. Then I pound into her, over and over again, loving how she cries out each time in utter ecstasy.
She screams out my name. Mine.
"Come for me my little whore," I command her and as if my words are her undoing, she obeys. It's fucking heaven, feeling her come on my cock.
"Such a good girl," I whisper and then ravage her. Relentlessly taking her and riding through her orgasm. By the time I'm done, she's lost herself again and trembles beneath me, kissing me tenderly as I pulse inside of her.
I only get out of bed to clean up and return with a warm damp cloth to clean her up as well. She moans softly as I do and then bites down on her lip. "Settle down my little whore," I reprimand her and she smiles wider, that deep blush darkening her skin.
When I get back, the license stares back at me on the nightstand. I sign it without thinking of anything other than how I feel right now.
"I need you to sign this," I tell her and put the paper on the pillow, the pen in her hand.
"Yes, wife," she says as if she's joking, but she signs it. A loopy J that's curved and refined, signed with a shitty ball point pen on a pillow.
She hands me the pen and paper and tells me to get into bed. It's late and I need to sleep.
Fuck, married for not even a minute and she already has me whipped.
"Yes, wife," I respond, again somewhat comically, but my heart pounds in my chest with a feeling I've never known.
As I lay down and get comfortable, she cuddles next to me, her soft curvy body against mine, and kisses my chest. Then she tells me she loves me, and I believe her.
It occurs to me at this moment that I love her so deeply, I would light the world on fire if only she told me she wanted it to burn.
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