Chapter Four: The Ashen Gray World
The rain woke her up once more, lightly falling on her face. The outline of her surroundings slowly cleared with each drop, Hikari curious about her surroundings. She lifted her upper body sitting up, but she was too hesitant to get up on her foot still sore from when the bullies injured her. She stared around a bit baffled. No longer could she see the school building or the shed she had been behind. Instead, she was still in the mud, but, all around her were strange tall pine trees.
She looked overhead at a cloudy sky, everything surrounded by a dull gray tint. She stared at her hands between splotches of mud. Even those had the gray tint. She shook her head in disbelief. Hikari winced as she tried to stand up once more on both legs, but since the mud wasn't so deep this time, she could successfully move, even though it hurt more than anything to move it.
She sighed, glad for the mobility. Aside from the rain now having lightly poured down there was not a sound or signs of any life in sight, except the sound of her foot steps. Looking down at her feet she realized that she wasn't wearing shoes anymore. One of them she think came off when the girls had assaulted her. The other, well, it was on when she got up, but it must have come off earlier. It didn't matter. Her feet had become so soaked she couldn't feel them anymore.
She figured it wouldn't make a difference. She stepped on the tips of her socks and stepped forward with the other foot on each one pulling them off. She then kept moving, the mud between her toes, listlessly making her way through the trees having no idea where she was.
As she wandered through it, she pondered about the environment. Every tree she passed by led to another. She probably was hopelessly lost having no sense of direction. It looked nothing like the school. It had a small thicket of trees and a small pond beside it, but this place seemed so much farther beyond it. She didn't think anyone had moved her, unless the bullies came back, but it was pouring so hard she doubt they would risk it to get drenched just to bully her some more.
Hikari kept moving, albeit painfully using every other tree to support herself so she would not put so much weight on her right foot. The air started to develop a slight mist, the rain slowing even more, now only sprinkling.
She kept moving, her nose slightly tickled by the smell of pine and...salt? She breathed in deeply.
"I smell...the sea. Am I by the ocean?"
She kept moving hoping that eventually she would reach there. Then she could figure out what her next step would be.
"...Kari…."
A voice called out to her, Hikari pausing to listen.
"Who?" she questioned.
"...Hikari…"
She stared up at the sky recognizing the voice.
"Is that you...Homeostasis?"
"Yes, it's me," the voice said. "This way."
"Which way?" she asked.
"...Just keep walking straight," the voice mysteriously said. "Follow the scent of the sea...the sound...of the waves…"
After dragging and scraping her way through the woods, her hands nicked and scratched from steadying herself with the wooden frames of the trees, Hikari finally found her way through the mist into a wide view of the ocean. The waves sloshed diligently against the shore; a fresh blast of sea saltiness gliding through her sinus cavity.
A sandy beach lay in front of her holding it's defense against the ocean. Yet, even here, there was no sign of life. She turned away deciding to walk down the coast to the right hoping she could get another idea of just where she was located.
"...Hikari…" a faint familiar voice whispered clearly like sea spray falling on the shore, Hikari turning around instantly, her eyes opened wide.
"I don't believe it," she said, her breath escaping her. In front of her stood a pale girl staring at her with bewitching magenta eyes. She smiled pleasantly, her eyes not even closing as if enveloping her in her gaze. She had short ashen gray hair that resembled her but was just a bit taller and mature. She gracefully adorned a gray gothic lolita outfit with frills at the bottom. This girl at second glance wore gray tights and, in her opinion, cute flat shoes with a curved silver buckle.
Her demeanor was candid, gentle, and… surprisingly aggressive despite her pale complex, which magnified her searching eyes even more.
She took in her visage, Hikari's heart wavering. Here, in this strange foreboding place, she couldn't have been more than glad to see her. She tried to keep herself together, but upon realizing how soft and welcoming she seemed she couldn't keep it together. Tears flew down her face as she hurried over to her, for a moment ignoring the screaming pain in her foot as she collapsed in her arms weeping.
"At last, we finally meet face to face…." the girl said stroking her hair to calm her, her eyes sparkling dangerously, "...Hikari…"
Hikari remained there for quite some time until she had the strength to move again. Homeostasis, the mysterious and effervescent being continued to stroke her hair humming a mysterious song. At first it put her on edge, but like a spell it calmed her even more making feel more relaxed than she thought possible. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but something seemed strange about all of this, though she couldn't figure it out.
"It's funny," she said, her nerves calming with her eyes closed letting herself be comforted. "I never knew that we looked like each other," she said at ease. "I always thought you would look older like my mom."
"Is that so?" she said smiling. "I usually take the form of whatever is the most comforting," she said, Hikari noticing her head petting stroked just a bit harder, but it didn't hurt. "Since you were hurting, I appeared taking on the form of who you value most," she said. "And that turned out to be yourself."
"But why?" she asked lifting her head. "I've never stood up for myself or really believed in myself unless it was for the sake of someone else."
"Oh?" she giggled putting her palm to her own lips. "But my form does not lie," she said putting down her hand, her eyes still staring at her, but they did not seem so friendly this time. "It shows the truth. You're only pretending to rely on other people," she said, "When, you yourself know you can only rely on yourself."
Hikari glanced at her strangely. "Why do you say that now? You've never said that before."
Her eyebrow twitched for a moment as she closed her eyes. "You were too young to understand Hikari. I had to wait till you were just a bit older to realize this truth." She helped her stand straight, both hands on her shoulders.
"In your heart you know," she said, her lips practically pressing in her ear. "People will fail you. They will use you to make themselves look good. Or seek comfort from you and leave as soon as they are comforted. People will use you to get what they want, despite how you feel. Haven't you ever felt that way?"
Hikari nodded her head. "But, even if some people are like that, not all people are," she countered gently staring into her eyes. "Like my brother. Or my mom, or..." she said, the words flying out of her mouth too fast for her to realize, "...Takeru."
Instantly, she covered her mouth with both hands as if surprised by her own words.
"You're that familiar with a boy you have not seen in nearly two years?" she questioned.
"We were...good friends," she said turning her eyes to the side not looking at her directly.
"Ah, that's the point," the girl grinned starting to walk around her in circles.
"What is?"
"You WERE good friends," she grinned. "But now?"
"Now…" Hikari said, trying her best to think of Takeru in a positive light. "...Now, I haven't seen him in quite some time."
"You didn't bother to get an email address or a phone number?"
She shook her head.
"And did he ask for yours?"
She also shook her head.
"Wow," she smiled widely, almost creepily. "That's some friendship."
"It's not like that!" Hikari snapped turning her head at the girl behind her. "Homeostasis, he moved to the countryside. They don't have good reception and have to use old telephones and have old computers and-"
"-But did your brothers stay in touch?" she questioned starting to hum that same creepy song again.
"What are you trying to say?" Hikari asked a bit defensively holding up both fists as if protecting herself.
"Hikariiiii," she sung in a teasing smugness, "You just proved my point."
"What point?"
"That Takeru used you to make himself feel better."
She stared at her wide- eyed. "N-no," she said a disarming smile crossing her face as if trying to defend him. "I don't believe that."
"Then why didn't you stay in touch?" she demanded to know walking closer to her, her eyes practically overlapping hers.
"We were...kind of little," she said. "I guess, when he moved I don't think that he really thought about it. And I didn't either. I didn't even get he was moving Homeostasis. I was so...oblivious to everything, Sometimes it felt like I lived in my own shell."
"Well," she snickered walking around her and placing one hand on her shoulder, "At least you have me. I'll never leave you," she said, Hikari not recognizing Homeostasis ever talking to her like this before. "But hey," she said patting her back, "Why don't you and I go sit down somewhere so you can get dry? I bet you might be hungry to," she added cheerfully, a bit of pep in her step as she skipped in front of her.
"Yeah," she agreed, putting a smile on her face. "Let's go!"
Homeostasis talked and laughed with her as they walked about a mile down the shore. Not too much farther, on a cliff side overlooking the ocean Hikari saw a small white wooden cottage with open diamond holes, almost like a small birdhouse.
"It's just over there," she said approvingly as she pranced about, Hikari having a tougher time, literally sensing her foot was swelling up.
She wished she could move like her, and almost felt jealous, but she knew that Homeostasis always had her best interest at heart.
She entered the tiny cottage, a display of gray flowers hanging from the ceiling on what appeared to be chandeliers. The flowers crawled down almost as if in a pattern down the walls as well like spiders, an eerie pretty glow bringing light to the room.
"What do you think? Isn't it grand?" she inquired spinning around as if enchanted by herself.
"It is pretty," she said, her stomach starting to lurch, Hikari staring at her unable to stop her cheeks from reddening.
"I'm sorry," she apologized turning her eyes down, Homeostasis reaching forward and grabbing her hand.
"Don't worry, you'll eat soon. But first, let's get you cleaned up."
Homeostasis led Hikari by the hand outside heading over to the beach back to the ocean side.
"We're going to the ocean?" she asked
"Uh-huh," she grinned holding up a bucket with the other hand. "Where else do you think you can wash off silly?"
"I was thinking maybe a bath somewhere," she said. "I don't like to-"
"-You trust me, don't you, Hikari?" she asked, Hikari glancing into her warm unwavering eyes, Hikari realizing her heart might start to waiver. She dared not doubt her. Homeostasis had been there for her this whole time.
Hikari nodded her head, holding her mouth back from saying anything that might upset her.
"Oh good," she said, holding Hikari by the shoulders,"Now, arms up!" she said enthusiastically as she made short work of removing her clothing, Hikari staring down in embarrassment at the ground.
She bent down to the ground, embarrassed beyond belief. The bruises covering her body had barely started to heal. And her ankle looked swollen and frightful.
"You'll have to get used to that when you get older if you do sports and stuff," she said, Hikari hearing her slosh the bucket in the water and dousing it over her head. As it soaked through her hair, droplets falling down the nape of her neck down her back, front, and everywhere else.
She closed her eyes, trying her best to bear with what felt like a profound coldness to the water, but thought that she could hear something else. As if trickling through her mind, fading screams started to whisk their way through. She placed her hands on her head, trying to process them, a terrifying feeling gripping her heart.
She opened her eyes, barely able to stand it, the screaming at last stopping.
"Hikari? Hikari!?" Homeostasis said waving her hand in front of her face. "Hellooooo?"
Even though she had been dowsed in cold water, Hikari could sense a cold terror gripping her. The screaming might have stopped, but this ominous dread filled her heart, Hikari turning towards Homeostasis desperately not knowing what to say, as if her voice had been silenced.
She gripped her shoulders, Hikari panicking, but Homeostasis only smiled a very big smile.
Hikari for an instant let go, the terror coming over her and swallowing up her vision, Hikari collapsing.
Somewhere within the darkness nightmares from the past enveloped her senses. She heard the cruel laughter and screams from evil Digimon of the past, Myotismon at the forefront, but also the cackling of Piedmon throwing knives, as well as the other Dark Masters. Apocalymon grinned looming overhead her snapping his dark claws.
She desperately looked around, but no one was in sight to help her. Not Tailmon. Not her brother. Not her mom, and Take-
-She stopped herself questioning herself, surprised she thought of him when she knew he was so far away. As if an illusion had come undone the Evil Digimon dissolved in front of her, a gentle voice ringing in her ear.
"Good Morning," it said, both her and the darkness fading away.
Hikari opened her eyes, the Magenta ones of Homeostasis beaming down at her.
"Homeostasis?" she said, her recent memories jolting her up. She looked around herself confused. "I thought we were at the beach?"
"We were," she said, "But you fainted and I brought you back. Luckily, you had me to take care of you."
Hikari glanced at her questionably, Homeostasis grabbing both of her hands helping her up. She looked at herself amazed, but confused looking at her clothes. It was not something she would normally ever wear, but Homeostasis had not only cleaned her up, but changed her clothes. A gothic lolita white lace dress adorned her childish figure. She could feel her feet sit gently as if on a cloud in matching flats, her hands wearing white velvety gloves.
"Wow," she said, "You did all of this for me?"
"Of course!" she exclaimed grabbing both of her hands. "Hikari, come and see!"
She hurried with her over to a mirror on the opposite side of a wall. She placed her hands on the back of her shoulders, Hikari in awe with how she looked. Even her swollen eye had receded and looked normal except a light bruise still lingering.
"Is that really...me?" she asked, vibrancy returning to her eyes.
"is it really you?" she mocked squeezing her cheeks with one hand cupped under Hikari's cheek. "Who do you think?" she asked. "Are you finally starting to see your true worth?"
"My...true worth?" she questioned. "I never realized you valued me so much."
"Of course I do," she said hanging over her shoulder. "You are my vessel. It is my best interest to make sure you are in good health," she said, her eyes doing anything but smiling, yet Hikari ignored it. "The waters are cold but as long as your not actually in the water they have remarkable healing properties.
Hikari smiled nodding her head. "My ankle doesn't hurt that bad anymore either," she said able to lift it easier.
"I'm so grateful,"she said turning her head looking at her directly. "Thank you so much Homeostasis!" she beamed, the girl holding her hands over her face as if blinded by her.
Hikari stared at her strangely? "Are you ok?" she asked.
"Tsch, I'm fine," she winced. "I never realized at your age how blinding your light can be," she said, Hikari detecting a hint of discomfort in her voice.
"Anyways," she said scratching the back of her head as if she had a terrible itch, "Now that your clean and dressed, let's get you something to eat. Let's go sit by the veranda."
Her and Hikari went to the left exiting out another door. There was a table already prepared with off white china, with complementary finger sandwiches, cookies, an assortment of tea and pastries.
"This is...for me?" Hikari said impressed.
"Of course!" she grinned, her mouth twitching. "Now sit down," she said forcefully seating her, Homeostasis quick to sit down on the other side.
Hikari bowed her head giving thanks for the food and casually picked up a finger sandwich.
"Thank you very much," she said taking a bite out of it. The sweetness of chicken and creamy mayonnaise blended together with the light refreshing crispness of cucumbers.
"It's delicious," she said, watching her manners and taking another bite.
"That makes me so happy," she grinned, Hikari noticing Homeostasis's teeth grinding and clenching at the same time.
A ready cup of tea called out to Hikari, and she drank a refreshing herbal tea with vanilla and rose blossoms. She put it back on the saucer a bit worried.
"Is everything ok?"
"Everything is FINE," Homeostasis emphasized. "Why don't YOU try one of the pastries?" she suggested gesturing with her hand, as Hikari obliged herself with a cream cheese danish.
The cream stuck to her face a little bit, but the flaky crust and the sweet cheesy, but creamy filling with just a hint of icing melded together into a pleasant melody of taste.
Hikari put down the danish after two bites staring at Homeostasis still a bit nervous.
"Whatever is WRONG Hikari?" she asked, Hikari a bit on edge.
"I don't know why," she said folding her hands in her lap, "But your eyes are not smiling. Did I do something to offend you?"
Her eyes lit up and twitched a bit more.
"No," she sighed. "It's just that you've always told me what you were going through. But you haven't told me at all why you came to this world looking like that. As my vessel you have to take care of yourself," she said unusually serious taking a sip of tea. "So tell me, what happened?"
Hikari closed her eyes, embarrassed to tell her, but knew that she would understand because of all the kindness Homeostasis had shown her.
"Life," she said glancing away from her as if staring into a deep pit, "It doesn't feel real anymore. When you were with me and talking with me everything was ok. Even if I stopped talking with the other Digidestined, or Tailmon was no longer with me, or Takeru went away, and even if little by little I lost my friends and classmates, I knew I always had my mother, my brother, and you."
"Of course you did," she said popping a cookie in her mouth. "Keep going."
Hikari picked up immediately where she left off not skipping a beat. "But, I realized, even with my brother and mom watching out for me I was still vulnerable. Yet, because you've always been with me I figured I would be all right. I...always believed that," she said grasping her fist, putting both of them to her heart and bending her head slightly so she wouldn't see her face.
"...But, I was only fooling myself..."
Homeostasis creaked forward, Hikari realizing she was listening and genuinely concerned about what she was saying.
"How so?"
Hikari clenched her teeth, steaming hot tears pouring down her face.
"...You went away," she said barely able to control her emotions. "When the crest power was taken you went away. And only then did I slowly start to realize, since you were with me so long I didn't know I had acted so strangely in front of other people."
"Really?" she said curiously.
Hikari nodded her eyes with her forearm covering her eyes. "I would always talk with you. And then I found out even though I don't have any memory of it we talked in front of others and now no one wants to be around me. But why did that happen in the first place?" she asked, leaning forward, her face a mess, her hands grasping the end of the table shaking it unleashing her insecurities.
"Why can't I remember? Why won't they believe me when I tell them I don't know why that happened? Did you possess me again without my knowledge? Is that why I don't have any memories of those times?"
A small grin on Homeostasis's face widened greatly. "I guess I was right," she said giggling to herself covering her mouth. "I told myself no way Hikari thinks she's this worthless. I'll prove her wrong," she said getting up and slamming her fists on the table, the impact putting Hikari on edge.
"Well," she grinned. "I TRIED to prove you wrong. I even convinced myself that you'll be just fine; That you were strong-Just like in the Digital World-Just like how you helped take down those evil Digimon."
Hikari got up from her chair staring at her fearfully.
"But you know what?" she said with disdain, "You, being here like this has proved my point. That, without me," she said staring at her angrily, "You are useless!"
With that she used both arms and knocked over the table and everything on it, a violent storm suddenly raging around her.
"Homeostasis, I- "Hikari protested staring at her fearfully.
Homeostasis looked up, glanced at Hikari and held up her hands as if the situation was out of her hands shaking her head. She clicked her tongue in disapproval. "-All that I did for you," she said, her tone rising. "I washed you, gave you MY own personal clothes, fed you delicious food, and even gave you MY godly company," she said starting to laugh to herself. "And for what? For you to show me how useless you are without me?"
"But I'm not useless," Hikari protested standing up. "I'm not-"
"-Silence!" she shouted. Her tone softened and looked down on her as if Hikari was nothing. "We're out of time. I have to get you back before your stuck here. And before HE shows up," she said, the storm raging around her.
"But I want to stay and talk with you!" Hikari shouted. "I'm not useless! I-I'm your friend!" she yelled, Homeostasis staring at her as if a chord had been struck in her heart and moved her.
"You can always...say the nice things, can't you?" she said as if to herself staring up at the rain. "But, when it comes to things you need to do...all of that, and the not so nice things you should be saying... it's all just lost in the throes of life, isn't it? You might as well just throw caution to the wind!"
Hikari looked at her strangely, the wind blowing against her hair savagely, raindrops falling violently. The whole cottage tore to shreds around her, Homeostasis smiling.
"Until we meet again," she said waving midst the chaos, the sounds of water filling Hikari's ears again before a thunderous din kicked in, Hikari immediately falling unconscious.