JENNIE
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Seeing my mom at the Manoban estate is something else.
My heart beats anxiously, and I can't stop watching her. Lisa and her brothers don't know her like I do. I hope none of them can tell that her smile is forced and she's only being polite.
I can hardly keep track of the conversation before dinner. Aria, Mino, and Lisa carry the chatter. Aria tries to draw my mom in, but she's been quiet, mostly just nodding and agreeing. As we take our seats, Aria brings a bottle of wine to the table and pours each of us a glass. Thank God. I desperately need it.
I focus on the wine spilling into the round bottoms of the glasses and breathe deep. It's always awkward, I remind myself. It would have been awkward at first even if Lisa hadn't been a Manoban and she'd asked me on a regular date. I would have been nervous bringing her home no matter what.
"We need a drink to cheers, I think," Aria says with a smile she gives each of us our glass. Mino and Lisa have whiskey already so it's just the three of us with prosecco.
The way Mino watches my mother reminds me of how he was when I first came here. He's a bit more reserved with my mom at the table. It occurs to me that he's always been guarded. His love for Aria slips out regardless.
He catches my eye, and I anticipate some kind of disappointment with how awkward this all is. Mino smiles instead, a genuine grin that creates a touch of wrinkles around his eyes. He lifts his glass in cheers toward me and I do the same.
Glasses clink and there's a bit of warmth that touches me. It's a feeling that's reminiscent of home.
My mother plays along respectfully but there's no smile on her face.
"Okay then." Aria takes her seat last, lifting her hands to indicate all the food on the table. "Let's eat."
She's made a full spread of Italian food. Bruschetta with fresh bread. Meatballs. Caprese salad. Creamy chicken and gnocchi. Handmade tortellini. It looks divine and smells even better.
Aria passes the first dish and smiles at my mother. "I'm hoping there's something you'll like here," she says and then her eyes widen. "Oh! The lasagna." She jumps up from her seat and brings the last dish back to the table. All the while she's gone, it's quiet, apart from the clinking of serving spoons against the porcelain dishes.
"I salvaged it," Aria states, placing down the pan of homemade lasagna. "The one corner is a little less than perfect."
My mom speaks kindly and of her own free will for the first time, "If it tastes as good as it smells, I'm sure it's delicious." Her smile looks a bit more genuine, but it doesn't reach her eyes. She's skeptical. It's noticeable. Perhaps Aria is growing on her though.
Dinner continues with Aria mainly asking my mother questions and attempting to keep the conversation upbeat. All I can think is that my heart is breaking into two.
Lisa finds my hand under the table and squeezes. She hasn't touched her drink. Neither have I.
Neither has my mother.
My mom stays quiet as we start eating. The conversation dims as forks clink against plates. Aria talks to Mino. Mino talks to Lisa. Lisa doesn't say anything to my mother, and she doesn't say anything to Lisa. I keep glancing at Lisa, begging her to say something to my mom but every vision of what she could say to her is not the woman I know Lisa to be.
I don't know how to make any of this right and I don't know what to say.
The tension's obvious after a few minutes. I have to say something. Dinner with my own mother can't be like this. I can't sit at a table and pretend everything is fine when two people I love so dearly won't even speak to one another.
I've just opened my mouth to say something, anything, when Lisa clears her throat.
"I love your daughter," she says, voice clear. "I wouldn't have married her if I didn't."
My mother's fork pauses midair and her eyes go wide as she stares at Lisa for a long moment. Slowly, she lowers her fork and sets it on her plate. There's pain in her eyes when she speaks.
"Jennie is my only child and my entire world—"
"Same for me," Lisa says matter of factly, cutting her off. "It's a good thing that she has both of us to love her."
My mother swallows, and Mino and Aria sip from their drinks. I feel hot all over, on the verge of panic.
"I don't know when it happened," Lisa continues. "But at some point, there was no turning back."
"In your life, there's hardly any going back. Isn't that right?" My mom's pushing her, and there are tears in her eyes. The emotion creeps into her tone and I imagine she's been on edge the entire night wanting to confront her. She knows enough that she should be scared I'm involved with Lisa. I can't deny that.
"It's never too late for anything," Aria says, grabbing a piece of bread. "I don't know if you know this, Mrs. Kim, but I grew up in this life, and I know how others feel about it. I know the hesitancy." Everyone at the table watches Aria now. "But I'm not in it any longer. I have children. I have my art, and I don't—" She licks her lips. "The brutality of it was too much."
"You are Aria Manoban," my mother says in her best no-nonsense tone. "Of course you are in the life." My mom's voice doesn't shake, but she's about to cry. "I do not want this for my daughter."
"You don't want what, exactly?" Aria asks. Lisa gazes at her hardly touched plate and squeezes my hand tighter. "There is no one who will love her more. No one who can give her more. She is family, which means you are as well."
Aria has a no-nonsense tone to rival my mother's and the tension at the table cracks.
"It may take time to adjust," Mino states, picking up his glass and taking a sip, "but I think the part where Lisa really fucked up was keeping Jennie to herself as they had their whirlwind romance."
He glances at my mother with sympathy. "She knows she shouldn't have. You can't blame her. She was the youngest and when our mom died, we didn't really baby her. She can be boneheaded sometimes."
I blink at Mino, barely recognizing his tone. He's almost…charming as he placates my mother. A version of him I haven't met before.
Lisa huffs a laugh at the description, although the emotion shows on her face. "I apologize, Mrs. Kim," she says, looking her in the eyes, her own brimming with sincerity. "I have been selfish with your daughter and unkind to you. I will do better." My heart patters the softest beat, staring up at this woman who could rule hell, as she apologizes to my mother and then rubs her thumb over my knuckles under the table.
My mother's silent. "We'll give you a key," Mino offers. My eyebrows must be up at my hairline, but he's not done speaking. "You can come over as often as you'd like and whenever you'd like."
"Unannounced?" my mother asks, obviously testing him, and I can't hold it in anymore. Lisa and her family are being more than generous.
"Mama! You can't—"
"If you prefer to," continues Mino smoothly, stopping me from getting too worked up.
Before my mother can answer, Lisa says, "I really am sorry. I wasn't thinking. I was only falling in love with your daughter. But she told me how much you mean to her, and I will never get between you two. Even if you worry, even if you never want me as a dau—"
"I didn't say that," my mother says abruptly, and she has a look in her eye that's conflicted. I don't recognize this tone in her voice at first. She sounds almost like she's scolding Lisa, but it's so soft that it can't be. My mother points a finger at Lisa. "I didn't say that I don't want you as a daughter." She clears her throat and takes a sip of her drink. "I said I'm worried."
There's nothing Lisa can say to that. We both know better than to think this world is completely safe for any of us. Life is not guaranteed, and especially not for anyone in the Manobans' lives. They're not the only ones like that, though. Danger can find a person anywhere.
"Time will be good for all of us, I think," Aria pipes up. For a minute I worry that my mom will argue with her or that she'll burst into tears at the table.
But my mother nods slowly and then tells them all she's thankful for tonight, and I can't help but smile.
All around the table, everyone picks up their forks again. The worst of the tension seems to have passed. In the new calm, I can see how it might be between all of us. I know Mino meant it when he offered my mother a key, and this…this could be a regular part of our reality. Dinners together. Getting used to each other. Getting to know each other as we actually are, not from the rumors and whispers that surround the Manobans.
After a moment of silence, my mother says, "Well," and Lisa looks over at my mom, her eyebrows raised. "I know where you live now." She says it as if it's a real threat, her voice lowered and her eyes narrowed, and there's a moment of tense silence at the table.
Then she smiles to herself, and Mino laughs. Lisa follows her a second later, and so does Aria. I can at least smile at that as more hope slips in.
I know in this moment that it's going to be okay. Aria's right. Time is going to be good for all of us. It will take time to figure out how we all fit into this life, but we will fit. I won't have it any other way. I'm going to have the people I love with me, even if it takes work.
The best things usually do, anyway.
After a few minutes, Aria starts telling Mino about a new painting she's working on, and I reach over for my mom's hand. For a second, all three of us are touching. I have her hand in mine, and Lisa's hand covers mine under the table.
My mom looks me in the eyes, pride and patience on her face.
"We got started off on the wrong foot, Mama." My throat gets tight thinking of all I've been through since I met Lisa Manoban. Since before I met Lisa, even. The two of us have come a long way, and my mom and I came even further together. "But I promise you, I'm happy. This is what I want."
"And I love her more than anything." Lisa lifts my hand from beneath the table and kisses my knuckles. She rests our clasped hands on the table, no longer hiding it from my mother or from anyone.
My mom stares at our hands for a long moment, tears glistening in her eyes. They don't fall, though. She raises her napkin from her lap and dabs at her eyes, taking a long, deep breath. Then she looks Lisa in the eye. "You need to make me a promise."
Lisa clears her throat, looking back at her. They're both very serious now. It's not a joke, and I know Lisa can tell that as easily as I can. "What promise is that?" she asks.
"Promise me you won't let anything happen to her."
My mom doesn't have to make a threat along with her request. If anything were to happen to me, she would do whatever she could to get justice for me. But the truth is, none of that would matter to her. The only thing she's ever wanted is for me to be safe and happy. The stakes are higher than retribution and revenge. She's telling Lisa, in not so many words, that her heart would be broken forever if any harm were to come to me.
My own heart skips a beat. At the very least, they understand each other, Lisa and my mom, even if they don't realize it yet. They both love me more than anything else. It's something not everyone in the world gets to experience, being loved by two people like this. There have been times in my life that I thought I couldn't get any unluckier, but now it's crystal clear.
And that kind of love…that's a true gift. One that shouldn't ever be taken for granted.
I make my own silent promise to always, always remember this moment. The serious way Lisa looks at my mom, with the obvious desire for acceptance. The way my mom looks back at her, hopeful and trusting but knowing so much is out of her control. She wouldn't be here if she didn't want to give Lisa a chance, and this question is the true test.
Because, of course, she can't keep me safe all on her own. She tried her best when I was a child, and now that I'm a grown woman, she has to do her best to trust other people, starting with my wife.
"Will you take my word for it?" Lisa asks, her voice rough. I wonder if it bothers her to say this in front of Mino and Aria, but I don't think so. She hardly looks at them. She'd say this no matter who was in the room. That makes my heart even warmer.
My mother nods, accepting as solemnly as if they're making an eternal pact. I guess, in a way, they are.
"Then I give you my word," Lisa says. "I swear to you. I won't let a damn thing happen to my wife. She'll be safe with me."
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LISA
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I don't remember a time that I've been so damn nervous. I barely touched my plate and I don't trust the whiskey. All I can think as I stare across the table all night at Mrs. Kim is that she reminds me so much of my own mother. Memories of my childhood play back as I sit there, scraping the fork across my plate.
I knew I wasn't good enough for Jennie back then, and I'm sure as hell not good enough for her now.
Her mother knows that. It's so fucking obvious that her mother knows that. We all do.
But I can't let Jennie go. I won't do it. I love her and I don't know how I could survive without her anymore.
With dinner and dessert done, her mother slips on her coat. Hugs were given to all, including me, more than likely reluctantly. Mino and Aria have gone and as Jennie's telling her to drive safe, Mrs. Kim asks me for a private minute.
If I was nervous before, I have no fucking clue what this feeling is. The pit of my stomach twists and turns as I nod and Jennie lets go of my hand to leave me alone in the foyer.
"Love you Nini," she murmurs to her daughter who looks skeptically back as she walks to the kitchen to give us a moment.
Jen's footsteps can barely be heard when her mother tells me calmly, "I remember when you were a little girl, do you remember me?"
If only she knew.
I clear my throat, swallowing down the emotion, "I do." I wonder what she sees when she looks at me. I wonder if I look like a cold-hearted monster to her, because right now I feel the same as I did back before I knew what this world was.
She glances past me, holding her purse against her chest. "You're not so little anymore. Seems like a lot has changed."
"A lot has changed but I—" I breathe out deeply before meeting her gaze, "I loved her then. I just didn't know how much I needed her. I'm sorry I couldn't stay away from her." My voice cracks slightly, betraying me, and I hate it.
I clear my throat again as her mother eyes me. Perhaps thinking that I'm lying to her. And I suppose with all the lies I've told, I deserve that, but I can prove to her that I mean everything I say.
Her mother speaks just above her breath, "She deserves someone who loves her."
I don't hesitate to answer, "I do. I do love her. And I'll take care of her."
A moment passes and then she nods, as if accepting it, and for a moment, it feels like everything might be all right.
"I expect to have dinner every Sunday." I nod in return and tell her we can do that.
"Good," she says with finality and then looks behind her at the door. Before she leaves, she says, "Next week, dinner at my house." Again I nod. I would do anything for her. She adds, "Just you two or your family can come."
"They'll be there," I answer for my brothers, and then I think about all the kids and how I think her mother would love that.
"Just to warn you, it is a large family."
"Well that's just fine. I have a large table."
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JENNIE
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My mom hasn't been gone for five minutes when she messages me.
She really loves you, the text reads. I smile at my phone and tap out my answer. I know. And I love her too.
I make my way to get a much-needed drink with Lisa, my shoulders relaxed, my body light in a way it hasn't been in a long, long time. My life is coming together. My mom's part of everything again. She knows about Lisa and our love. Maybe not everything, as there are certain things I'll never breathe life into again. And, for the first time, I feel like I'm right where I'm meant to be. Like this is the start of my forever.
With my thoughts getting ahead of me as I nibble on a bit of chocolate cake, Mino and Lisa walk into the kitchen. Mid conversation and for a moment I wonder if I should leave. I don't want to overhear anything—ever—that isn't for me to know.
I murmur after swallowing down a delicious morsel and make my way past the two of them. "Sorry. I was just coming to grab a bottle of wine."
I start to turn, but Lisa's already at my side. She takes my elbow and pulls me into a hug, dropping a kiss to the top of my head. "It's fine, Jen. We were just talking about the investigation. It should be over now."
I swallow hard. "Were you?" I lean out around Lisa's embrace and wave at Mino. "Hey, Mino."
"Hi," he says. "Nothing to worry about. If they had enough evidence, we would know."
"Is there anything that I should know that they have?" I ask and then I hate how I ask the question.
Lisa chuckles rough and low, and Mino answers for the both of them. "All they have is a fire to put out."
"Literally," Lisa adds, a grin catching at the corners of her mouth. She looks delighted to be telling me this. Almost like it's something funny that happened at the office. As if the Manobans could ever have a normal office job to come home and tell their wives about. "Explosives in an office. All the evidence is either damaged beyond repair or gone."
"There's nothing to hold up in court," Mino says softly. "The judge on the case now is firmly in our pocket."
"Is this too much?" Lisa asks when I go wide-eyed and quiet.
It takes a few beats to clear the tight feeling from my throat. "No, I want to know that it's over but I'm not sure I need to know anything else."
"It's over," Lisa says and once again kisses my temple.
I lean my head against her chest and let her hold me. I listen to her heartbeat, steady and strong. This is all that's important in the world. My wife, with me. Nobody's after us… for the moment. It's not a very grandiose dream, but it's come true, and that's what counts.
Mino clears his throat, and I pick my head up to find him on his way out. "Congratulations, you two," he says over his shoulder.
"On what?" Lisa asks.
"On your marriage."
"Thank you," I tell him, new happiness fluttering in my chest. This is when our real marriage starts, isn't it? No part of it has anything to do with staying safe from depositions or police. It's the two of us.
Lisa put her hands under my chin and tips my face to hers. She kisses me slow and soft, and I taste all the love she has for me on those lips. After a minute, she deepens the kiss, and just when I think she's going to lift me off my feet, she backs me into the counter instead.
I don't care at all if anyone else is going to walk in. I don't care that they could. I throw my arms around her neck and kiss her back, just as deep. If all this has taught me anything, it's that I'm never going to take a single second with Lisa Manoban for granted. I don't think I'll take a single second of anything for granted, but especially not with her.
She makes a low sound in the back of her throat and nips my bottom lip.
"My wife," she says, her tone hot and possessive. It makes me melt. So does the glint of the ring on my finger. Lisa's voice is a private sign that I belong to her, but the ring? That's the public one. "Should we go back to the bedroom?"
I shake my head, smiling into the kiss. "No. I'm on my way to the wine cellar."
Lisa groans. "I can't wait that long."
She picks me up in her arms, and I swat at her, nipping her bottom lip and tugging just slightly. The masculine rumble in her chest lights everything on fire inside of me.
Lisa kisses me back and carries me to the wine cellar. In the polished room with the many, many bottles gleaming on their shelves, she kicks the door closed behind her and sets me on my feet.
Then her hands are all over me. They're under my dress, tugging my panties down. She manages to get both my shoes off in the same motion. I don't help her at all. I keep my hands in her hair as she kneels to slide the panties off, and then I drag her back up to kiss me again.
I'm desperate and needy, just like she is.
Lisa carries me to a countertop in the back, my ass touching down on gleaming wood. She kisses me like I was gone for years, not just for a dinner, her hands exploring every part of me that she can reach. Fingers delve between my legs to toy with my clit and push inside me. When she discovers I'm very much ready for her, she groans again, directly into my mouth, and lifts her fingers to her mouth to suck off my arousal.
I thread my fingers together at the back of her neck and kiss her, stopping only to pull back so I can see her eyes. My heart races and my body heats as I stare into her wanton gaze. This is how much Lisa wants me. This is how much she needs to be with me. She didn't even want to wait until I came back from the wine cellar. What would it have been, two minutes? Three? I wouldn't have taken long to pick out the wine with her waiting in the bedroom.
She reaches down for her belt and her zipper, and when she's freed herself, she takes my ass in her hands and pulls me to the edge of the counter. Lisa pushes into me in one smooth stroke. She shudders as she sinks inside of me, covering my mouth with hers again. From this angle, every thrust makes contact with my clit, and I know I'm going to find my release fast and hard. It's half from that contact, but the other half is just how much I want her.
Just how happy I am to be with her. Just how perfect it is now that we're okay. Now that we're free.
"Lisa," I moan her name as the pleasure builds.
I hook my legs around her and dig my heels into her lower back, pulling her closer. She fucks me harder. It reminds me of the way she seemed when we first met. Strong and intimidating. She scared me. Now, the way she moves would be frightening if I didn't know her. All her energy and focus are on me.
She rocks my hips into her with her hands, grinding us close together, and I throw my head back. Pleasure builds and builds and builds until I'm not seeing the ceiling of the wine cellar anymore. I'm not seeing much of anything. I'm just feeling her there, her body between my thighs.
Lisa changes something about the way she's moving me, and the direct contact on my clit pushes me over the edge into a shaking orgasm.
"Good girl," I hear her say. It sounds like she's a million miles away, but it's just that there's so much pleasure. My heartbeat is so loud. "That's it."
She lets me ride it out, and then she's leaning over me, one hand braced on the countertop so she can fuck me as hard as she wants to. All I can do in the post-orgasm haze is hold on to her. With my body hot and the sweet mixture of pain and pleasure as she fucks me harder and harder, my neck arches and I cry out my pleasure.
I bite Lisa's neck, then kiss the teeth marks, then lick my way up the side of her neck. When I reach her mouth, she kisses me with a grunt and comes hard, pinning me to her, letting the countertop balance the rest of my weight. Lisa finishes with another shudder and presses another set of kisses to the side of my neck.
We both stay there for a minute, just breathing. Feeling the high slowly come back down together.
After she's caught her breath, Lisa lifts me down from the countertop and smooths my dress into place. She runs her fingers through my hair, setting it in place again. When she's finished, her hands linger on my face. She looks into my eyes like she never wants to forget the color. I could never forget the color of hers, no matter how long I lived. She murmurs, "You're mine."
"And you're mine," I say, hooking my finger into the collar of her shirt and tugging her in for a kiss. It's another slow, sweet one, and I know at this moment that I'll never be tired of kissing her. "I love you," I say when she pulls back. "I love you so much, Lisa."
"I'll love you forever," she promises. Then she gives me one more kiss, straightens up, and takes my hand. "I will love you forever, Jennie."
"Forever," I agree.
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