Chapter 6: A Bitter Pill

Fenris was absolutely right, I still needed a lot of bed rest after the whole ordeal. It took me at least another two months to mend my bones completely, then another six months to get back up to full strength and mobility after I had shattered bone and destroyed muscle mass. With everyone's constant fussing, they wouldn't let me lift a damn finger! It was agonizing to just sit around and do nothing.

Meanwhile, Hawke was trying to spoil the hell out of me. I always felt bad every time she gave me that wounded face when I refused to let her take me shopping for some nicer clothes or more furniture for my room. Sometimes, she would go out and buy me a gift, and I'd just have to accept it. With the money she and Varric made off of the expedition, our fearless leader didn't have to live in a run-down shack with her greedy uncle anymore. In fact, she was very well off. She was able to reclaim her family's manor with all of those funds. With that, she moved herself, her mother, and her mabari up to Hightown, leaving that rotten uncle behind. She would have taken her sister Bethany, too, but…the Circle here in Kirkwall must have found out about her, because they took her shortly after Hawke returned. Now, she can only send her sister letters. Poor Hawke.

Even after living with Fenris for several years, I still hadn't left. I spent so many months cleaning up the ransacked mansion (which he told me he stole from his former master, by the way…) and once I was fit for it, I went back to work. I tried to leave so many times, but Fenris always came up with some excuse to keep me longer. His favorite one was that my measly job wouldn't even pay the bills for a home in the Alienage. I brought up options with finding more work, then he'd go on about how difficult it was for elves to find work in Kirkwall. I'd try to go job hunting, but then he'd make excuses and requests for my help with herbs that took up all of my time. Who knew these people went through so many potions?!

After two years had gone by, I just…gave up. I wasn't sure why he wanted me to stay, but he was going to all of the effort to keep me here. Besides, I think I would have worried too much. His work with Hawke and trying to track down any more slave hunters sometimes kept him away for days. Often, he would come back injured, and I'd fuss and fuss at him until he gave up and let me treat him. He preferred my herbalism treatments than asking Anders for help any day. My knowledge is pretty basic, but it's enough for his average run-ins with bandits and slavers. As of yet, he hadn't come back with anything that was too much for me to handle. It was just a sign that he was good at what he did.

Today, Fenris was actually home, chatting with Isabela in the sitting room while I was trying to sweep the main hall. Even from this distance, I could hear the chatter from here. The only noise I was making was the tiny pitter patter of my bare feet on the floor, and the gentle sweeping motions from the broom. Their conversation carried through rather clearly, and it helped a little to have such sensitive hearing.

"…So the seneschal's tax collector won't be coming around again, like you asked. Funny story-"

"-I'll…pass, but thank you for the help."

"Spoilsport. Why you want to squat up here in Hightown is beyond me."

"I like the view."

The conversation appeared to be over, because I could hear the sound of Isabela getting up from her chair.

"…So do I."

Well, Isabela was being…very obvious. Then again, I'd come to learn that Isabela was simply that kind of person. She was straightforward about what she wanted, never too shy to tell it to you plainly. In some cases, I could appreciate that sort of mentality…but when it was times like this, it was rather aggravating. Couldn't she at least show a little bit of decorum?! I was still in the house, you know! That flirting was awfully shameless when I'm just in the other room.

I could hear her footsteps coming this way, so I went about my sweeping and pretended like I hadn't heard anything. I'm sure she knew I was listening, though, because she pointedly turned her head and winked at me as she sauntered out the door like a confident cat that had just caught the mouse. Sometimes, that woman was just too much to handle! She came over from time to time to talk to Fenris about 'business', but she always made it clear that she was interested in more than just simple conversation. He never seemed to take the bait, however. Maybe she just wasn't his type.

The sweeping could wait. I could practically hear the frown on Fenris's features as the door closed behind Isabela. Something was up…I could feel it in my bones. I set my broom aside and went into the sitting room to check on him. He was staring into the fireplace, brooding as he usually did when something was on his mind. I settled down into the seat where Isabela had just been sitting, giving him a questioning look. He turned to look at me as he heard my approach, but he still hadn't finished brooding. He had such a serious look on his face. This must have been something important that was lingering on his thoughts.

Fenris was getting better at conversation, at least. Ever since we came back from the Deep Roads, we hadn't been at each other's throats. Far from it, really. Still, our conversations were still few and far between, and they were mostly topics of work and business. Since that disaster, we haven't really sat down and just…talked. As I had told him before, he was simply difficult to approach.

"…Something on your mind, Fenris?"

"…Three years. There's still no sign of Danarius. I'm beginning to wonder if he's finally given up."

I could see it from the look on his face that this topic had been gnawing on him for ages. It was true, his searches with Hawke had become absolutely fruitless. Isabela and Varric had also been keeping tabs on things with their vast networks of contacts, but they'd turned up nothing, either. Getting any sort of information from Tevinter was…difficult.

"I'm…not sure what to tell you, Fenris. Part of me wants to warn you against complacency…the other part wants to encourage you to hang on to the hope that he has. This…must be difficult for you…not knowing, I mean. Not knowing if you can finally relax or if you have to keep your guard up. Still…I think at some point, whether he gives up or he keeps coming…you need to stop running. His weight on your shoulders won't hold you down forever."

Pot calling the kettle black…

No one asked you!

"Tell me: what do you do when you stop running?"

His question was so weighted, I wasn't sure how to answer it. I glanced down at my hands, fidgeting with them a bit as I thought of something appropriate to say. Well…I hadn't stopped running yet. Maybe one day, even after all of these years, I could finally relax. Even if I hadn't found that freedom just yet…I knew exactly what I would do if I did.

"…You start over. You leave it all behind you, and you start living."

"…I don't know how. I don't remember how…"

Suddenly, Fenris stood up, shaking his head and letting a hand run through his silver hair as he tried to take a deep breath and relax.

"I shouldn't trouble you with this. My problems are not yours."

"Considering we're living under the same roof; they are definitely my problems, too. You're just going to have to deal with that, Fenris. Too bad."

It was my turn to crack a smile and wink at him. Even with the playful gesture, I was being completely serious. This was going to become my problem, eventually. If Danarius really was coming back for Fenris…he was going to have to get through me first. I have a bit of a debt to repay, after all. If getting rid of the one thing that kept Fenris up at night would give him the true freedom he craved…I was not against getting my hands dirty for such a cause.

He gave me a rather unamused look, so that was clearly my time to make a quick getaway. With a slight chuckle, I stood and dusted off my skirt.

"Well, the sweeping isn't going to do itself. I'm going to go finish up what I was doing. Aren't you supposed to be meeting the guys at the Hanged Man for some Wicked Grace tonight? You should probably get cleaned up."

"It's getting a bit disturbing…"

"What is?"

"The fact that you are keeping track of my schedule like some sort of personal assistant."

"Fenris, if I didn't keep track of your schedule, you would never be on time for anything. Oh, that reminds me. You promised to go outside the city with me to go herb hunting tomorrow. Don't get too wasted that you have to back out, or I'll go by myself."

"…I won't."

…..

The Hanged Man was bustling with activity, as per the usual after sunset had fallen upon Lowtown. The day was over for the working man. Dock hands and sailors, merchants and adventurers…when you stepped into the tavern, it didn't matter where you came from or what you do for work. All that mattered was enjoying a stiff drink and maybe making some extra coin with some card games. Speaking of…as expected, the "boys" were having their weekly Wicked Grace night. Fenris, Anders, Varric…even Sebastian was present! The church boy wasn't exactly drinking, though, nor was he gambling his money away with their games.

As usual, the topics varied, but one thing always stayed the same: at some point in the night, women were ALWAYS brought up. The usual culprit? The dwarf. Tonight was no exception!

"So, Blondie, how is everything between you and Hawke?"

"None of your business, Varric."

"Oh, come on! We know the two of you are sweet on each other. Is there anything…official going on? The playful banter back and forth is starting to get a bit exhausting."

The sight of Varric's waggling eyebrows made just about everyone at the table groan inwardly, especially Sebastian. He'd had enough of their drunken antics for one night already.

"I'm not falling for it tonight, Varric! What Hawke and I get up to is not for your story books. Why not ask Fenris? He has the most interesting companion of us all living in his stolen mansion."

…Of course, Anders shifted Varric's attention right over to Fenris. Usually when it was too hard for him to answer the question, the mage changed topics VERY quickly and pointed at someone else. Unfortunately, Fenris was going to be the victim tonight.

"Good question! Just what are YOU getting up to? I hope you're not corrupting our little Angel, Elf."

"It is a bit…odd…an unmarried woman staying in the same house with a man that isn't related to her…"

"I actually have to agree with Choir Boy on this one. You two are STILL living together."

"You have such sick imaginations, both of you. She and I can barely hold a conversation. I have no interest in her, especially in THAT way."

"Then what ARE you doing? Every time I drop in to see either of you, she's doing chores. You've turned her into a little housewife, Elf."

Fenris sputtered at that, nearly choking on his drink while the rest of the table burst into raucous laughter. Loudest of all, of course, was the guilty party that had made the joke in the first place.

"In all seriousness, I know she does it out of the goodness of her heart. Angel's…sweet. Too sweet. I worry about her. Someone's going to take advantage of that kind heart of hers one day. It's a strange arrangement, but…I don't know. When we first met her, she seemed…hollow. She wasn't very expressive. I think having you around to nudge her did her some good, believe it or not. She's a lot livelier when you're around."

"Only because he most likely drives her insane. I know she was talking about trying to find more work and get her own place in the Alienage, so it's not like she doesn't WANT to leave."

"I don't know, Blondie…living down in the Alienage isn't all it's cracked up to be."

"It's better than living in Darktown-"

"-But that shithole is not better than living in a secure mansion where she has her own room and all of the space she needs to spread her wings. You're both taking care of your own food costs, right? Then there isn't a problem."

"But an unmarried woman in the same home as a man-"

"Oh, give it a rest, Sebastian. As much as I don't like Naela staying with Fenris, there is none of THAT going on in that mansion…so that isn't the problem."

"I think what Blondie and Choir Boy are really trying to say here is…just take care of her. Right now, she seems happier than she was when we first found her out on that beach."

"…She's barely talking to me. I do not think I'm making a single difference in her mood. Now, if you don't mind, we've been sitting on this hand for the past ten minutes, and I'm on a winning streak."

Fenris sighed, shaking his head in defeat and turning his attention back to his hand. Everyone's attention went back to the card game, and the topic of women was dropped…for now.

…..

The next day, it was just Fenris and I, walking along the sandy outskirts of Kirkwall that they called The Wounded Coast. The other elf was being extra cautious today; my chosen search area of the day meant that there were many rock formations and cliffs scattered about, blocking our line of sight in various directions. Anything could have been lurking about and we wouldn't see it until it was far too late.

"What is it you're looking for? This is taking longer than usual. We shouldn't be out here longer than we have to be."

"Well, I'm always looking for my usual stock, but my acquaintance Solivitus is looking for one of the rarer ingredients and asked me for help. It's called Harlot's Blush Flower. It should be here on the coast somewhere…it's a very obvious flower, long stem, blue in color. Let me know if you spot anything like that. He always gives me the most ridiculous requests…don't even get me started when he asked me for a spider silk gland…I told him to shove that one where the sun doesn't shine."

"Does he at least pay you well for these rare ingredients?"

"Of course, he does! I wouldn't be sticking my neck out for the dangerous ingredients if he didn't."

"Do you enjoy this kind of work? Picking plants all day?"

"Well…kind of. It's all I really know how to do. My mentor taught me all about these plants. I never had a knack for alchemy itself, so I'd just gather the herbs he needed and left him to do all of the rest. It's not the most…exciting thing, but it's kind of calming, you know? Besides, I like being outside in the fresh air. The stuffiness of the cities isn't for me. It's far too crowded and smells like ale."

During our casual conversation, I was busy watching my footing and keeping my eyes to the ground, looking out for any signs of the rare flower and any other herbs that would catch my gaze. Fenris was right, of course. We didn't want to be out here longer than we had to. The city had been in decline the past few years with its stability. The Circle mages and templars were at each other's throats, the extended presence of the Qunari was making everyone uncomfortable, and the fact that the Dalish were lingering in Sundermount longer than the nomadic elves normally would was raising a few eyebrows.

All in all? That meant the guards were busier than ever keeping the peace in all of the chaos, so it was getting harder for them to come out to the coast and clear out the riffraff. Aveline, who had since been promoted to captain of the guard, was doing her best to get regular patrols out here, but it just wasn't enough. There were too many bandits and other scumbags taking advantage of the constant unrest. She barely had the manpower to cover the city itself, let alone the area surrounding it.

"How about you, Fenris? Do you enjoy THIS kind of work? Mercenary work, I mean. It's not so dissimilar to just fetching herbs. You work for whoever you want, whenever you want, for however much you want. There's just a lot more stabbing involved with your tasks."

"...It's preferable to the alternative."

Right...preferable over being a slave for a magister. I practically winced as he brought up the topic. Perhaps I should have chosen something else to talk about? I was struggling to think of a new subject while I turned our trail further into the cliffs and hills of the coast to find the blasted flower now that I'd done my usual sweep for the minor things. He was being particularly chatty today, and I wanted to take advantage of it for as long as I could.

"How did you escape? I don't think you've ever told me the story."

There was another long pause, and I was starting to think that I'd made another blunder. Perhaps there was a REASON he had never told the tale, Naela? Stupid, stupid, stupid! I grumbled quietly at myself under my breath as I quickened my pace up the hill.

"Ah...sorry, you don't have to answer that one if you don't want to. It's none of my business."

Finally...he spoke up.

"...Let's see...have you heard of Seheron?"

"Yes, I have. I've wandered a little here and there."

Was he actually ready to share this with me?! Of course I listened patiently as he started to speak, nothing interrupting his voice but the sound of our feet hitting the grass.

"The Imperium and the Qunari have fought over the island for centuries, now. I was there with Danarius during a Qunari attack. I managed to get him to a ship...but there was no room for a slave. I was left behind. I barely got out of the city alive."

"He just LEFT you there? He sends his little slavers to come and collect you all the way here in Kirkwall, but he just let you go in the first place!?"

I could hear Fenris's laughter behind me at my reaction.

"He wasn't given a choice. The look on his face as the ship pulled out was priceless."

"I would pay to see that, regardless of the cost. What happened after you got out? I'm sure surviving out there wasn't exactly easy."

"There are rebels in the Seheron jungles called Fog Warriors. They found me and took me in, nursed me back to health. I stayed with them for a time...until Danarius finally came for me."

"I'm sure you were expecting him to, considering how valuable your markings are to him. Did you...want to stay with them?"

"I'd grown fond of the rebels. They bowed to no master and fought for their freedom. It was...beyond my experience. When Danarius came, they refused to let him take me..."

There was a bit of a long pause, so I turned back to Fenris, both of us halting in our tracks. That guilty and conflicted look in his gaze...I was sure I wasn't going to like how this story ended. He proved me right pretty quickly as he looked up to meet my gaze and found the words he needed.

"...He ordered me to kill them. So I did. I...killed them all."

After all they'd done for him, he'd just...slaughtered them? Every last one of them? Just like that?!

"Fenris...why? Why would you do such a thing?!"

"It felt inevitable. My master had returned and this...this fantasy life was over. But once it was done, I looked down at their bodies... I felt... I couldn't... I ran. And never looked back."

Now I felt awful for shouting at him. He had been confused. A life of slavery had been everything he knew...everything he remembered, anyway. He hadn't known that he was able to disobey. It couldn't have been easy for him to learn what exactly having a "free will" was.

I hadn't expected his tale of escape to have ended so...grimly. I had thought that it would have been a happy tale, something to celebrate. Instead, it was just a bitter memory of Fenris learning that he was his own man and could make his own choices. Sadly, he had to learn that lesson the hard way. It wasn't even HIM that had to pay the price. It was the Fog Warriors.

"...Sorry for asking you to share, Fenris. That couldn't have been easy to talk about."

There was no point in regretting it now. What's done is done. I sighed as I turned back around and headed further down the path, listening to Fenris's footsteps behind me resuming. We were silent only for a few minutes longer before the wolf broke the silence again.

"I have never spoken about what happened...to anyone. I've never wanted to. Perhaps this is what it means to have a friend."

A friend? Were we friends? Despite living in the same house, I didn't really consider us to be...close. His words made me second guess that fact, however. Thinking back to the Deep Roads, the conversation that we had while we were lost in the endless caverns? That was the first and last time he had ever been so open with me. Perhaps having a true friend didn't mean a constant need for conversation. He was open with me when he needed to be; when I gave him the invitation to be. All of the weeks, the months he spent caring for me while I was recovering. People that weren't friends didn't do that for each other. Even now, he was always there for me when I asked him for aid. He might have been a silent presence more often than not, but sometimes just having him there was good enough for me.

Maybe we really were friends.

My first friend.

That had a pleasant ring to it.

We became silent again as I mulled over those words, my eyes idly scanning the ground until we made it to one of the grassy hills and I spotted the familiar blue flower. Breaking into a smile at the sight of the rare beauty, I hurriedly made my way over just to double-check that it was the right one, settling on my knees next to the bloom.

"HERE it is, finally. I knew I'd seen one of these out here, I just couldn't remember where. All right, let's get this pretty thing into the basket."

Since the flower was so hard to find around these parts, I was just going to take the whole plant, roots and all, so it could be re-planted elsewhere for ease of access and to harvest the seeds for more. I had a hand shovel in my herb basket just for this purpose, which I used to carefully dig the whole flower up without breaking the roots. It means I'd have a flower with a big clump of dirt stuck to it in my basket, but that didn't matter too much. I needed this plant intact. I wasn't about to compromise the roots just to get the dirt off.

"Sorry this took so long, Fenris...but it was nice to get out of the city for a change, right?"

"I get out of the city enough."

"Every time you do, it's because Hawke needs something slain. This time, it's a little more peaceful. Take the time to enjoy the fresh air and all of the greenery."

"Yes, I'll just stop and smell the roses while the Coast bandits try to get the drop on us. YOU should be a little more wary of your surroundings."

"I'm perfectly wary, thank you!"

"Shall I remind you of our first meeting?"

"...We're not going to talk about that. Moving on!"

"That's what I thought."

With the plant collected and safely tucked into my basket, it was time to leave. I was leading the way back towards the coast and our usual route back to the city when we were cut off by a group of men dressed in rather familiar garb. Fenris's reaction was immediate, a hand quickly reaching out to snatch me by the arm to pull me forcefully behind him. He was already drawing his greatsword, eyes raging with fire as he stared the four individuals down.

"...Hunters..."

A call from the cliff above us made me look up, Fenris flicking his gaze but not fully diverting his attention from the armored men blocking our way home. Shit, there was three more up there, one of them definitely being some form of mage. The biggest one all clad in thick armor called down to us. I could hear the sneer in his tone more than I could see it from this angle.

"Stop right there! You there, girl! Back away from the slave and you will be spared!"

Oh, for the love of Andraste! If Fenris wasn't here, this wouldn't have been that much of a problem for me to deal with. Sadly, he was here, so I couldn't just let loose on these scumbags.

"He's NOT a slave! Not anymore!"

Despite the fact that it was two against seven, I still shouted back at them defiantly. Fenris didn't look THAT impressed, considering the situation, but he at least looked appreciative of the sentiment as he flicked his gaze back down to me for just a brief moment.

"I WON'T repeat myself! Back away from the slave, NOW!"

"I'M NOT YOUR SLAVE!"

Fenris finally lost his temper, the lyrium on his skin flaring up in blue wisps. At this point, now the hunters were drawing their weapons. Shit. This was about to get ugly, and fast.

Once again the pale elf was forcefully directing me with his hand. Instead of pulling me closer, however, he was shoving me away, sending me tumbling into the sand. It was a good thing he had! An arrow and a magic bolt came flying down from the cliffside right where I had just been. I hadn't even made contact with the ground before he was taking off, charging into the group of four men blocking the path so they could clash steel.

"Naela, go!"

"But...!"

He wasn't seriously suggesting that I just LEAVE him here, right? There was no way I could do that! If I had to expose myself...but doing that in front of a Tevinter mage would have been a worst-case scenario.

"GO! Find Hawke!"

...Damn it all. That was the best decision right now. Maybe Fenris couldn't defeat them outright on his own, but he could at least hold them off for a little while. They weren't going to get him...not while I was still breathing.

"Don't let her escape! Grab her!"

Ah, fantastic. More arrows, more magic bolts incoming. I was already up and running before I could really think. An arrow head did lightly graze my right arm as I got up and sprinted across the sand, but that barely made me flinch. I'd taken a lot harder hits than a simple cut.

Fenris was fully aware of my location and made a move to make an opening for me so I could get through the blockade of men without getting hurt. A hunter was already on the ground and brutally wounded. Three remained. One swipe to block a man's sword, another to slice into a leg and disable another. A third one moved to block my way with a sword raised, but Fenris went and tackled the man into the sand, one hand flaring with lyrium to reach into his chest and likely grab him by the heart to kill him while he had him down.

The ranged attackers on the cliff made one last ditch effort to get me, and all it really did was piss me off as an arcane bolt slammed into the back of my left shoulder. Fuck, that was going to burn for a good minute. It didn't matter. I shrugged it off and kept running, kicking up sand as I bolted back to Kirkwall.