Chapter Eight

Things go a bit screwy in Radiant Gardens.

The moment they get into town, it's a frenzy. There are Heartless everywhere. Leon, Aerith, Yuffie, and Roxas are barely making a dent. There's no time to get settled or debriefed. No time for Kairi to keep thinking about and agonizing over her experience with Sora on the ship. No time for anything.

They have to fight.

It takes them hours to clear out the city. The culprit is some sort of rift that's opened in the Great Maw, a place where Kairi's been told Sora, Donald, and Goofy once battled one thousand Heartless at once. The rift is leaking darkness and spawning Heartless at intervals.

Once they clear out the town and make sure all the townspeople are okay to come out of their homes and resume normal daily goings-on, they have to work on sealing the rift. Sora, Kairi, Roxas, Namine, and Lea are all required to use their Keyblades. Their combined light is able to seal it, but it exhausts all five of them. Their energy is so drained that when they get back into town and Leon tells them a giant Heartless has been sighted near the castle, they simply can't go after it. Not without a night's rest.

Yuna happens to be in town, with Paine, Rikku, and Tidus back on Destiny Islands with Wakka and Selphie. She agrees to help manage any Heartless that might spawn overnight from the monster. Kairi. Namine. Sora, Roxas, and Lea hole up at Cid's for the night so they can eat and get some sleep.

Late that night, with full bellies and swathed in a comfortable bed together, Namine and Kairi find themselves still awake. The men are in the other rooms, so the women are able to stay up, whispering and gossiping. Now that there's peace and space to think, Kairi can't stop replaying her encounter with Sora in her mind. Can't forget the feeling of his lips on her neck and his teeth scraping and his fingers in her hair. The way her stomach knotted and how tight she had to press her thighs together. And with Namine also being a virgin, she thinks she'll understand Kairi's hesitation and confusion without Kairi needing to tell her what happened at the brothel.

"You've been hiding something," Namine says. They're both lying on their backs, their hands clasped on their stomachs as they stare at the ceiling. The window beside them lets in the moonlight, illuminating enough of the room for them to see each other. "All day, you've been off."

"I know," Kairi says, grimacing. "It's about Sora."

"What happened? Was it bad?!"

"No! No." Kairi laughs. "It was…a moment."

"A moment?"

"Yes. We had a moment."

"What do you mean? A moment? What sort of moment? Don't you hold out on me, Kairi!"

"A romantic moment. I think."

Namine squeals and kicks her legs beneath the blanket. "Tell me everything! Now!"

Kairi explains, starting with the way she asked him if he was a virgin, leading into the bantering and questions, and ending with the neck-kissing on his lap.

"And Namine, I don't know why, but I just feel weird about it." Kairi chews anxiously at her lower lip. "Like I know it should feel normal and okay, but I have so many questions."

"Yeah," Namine agrees, "like does he like you? Does he have feelings, or does he see you like those other four girls? What was his purpose?"

"I know. I can't figure out what it means, either." Kairi throws her hands up. "I don't know if he wants to kiss me or sleep with me or both. And I don't know if that's all he wants, or if he wants to be with me. Everything's so…"

"Discombobulated."

"Exactly."

"Well, do you regret any of it?" Namine asks, sounding thoughtful.

"No," Kairi says. "Not exactly. I think I'd only regret it if I found out he saw me as the same as the other four girls."

"If he sees you as temporary."

"Yeah. I think it would be disrespectful to our friendship and history, to be honest. We've been through everything together. Our lives are intertwined. We shared a paopu fruit when we were seventeen."

"And that accidental kiss wasn't so accidental," Namine adds.

"Right, so it would be more than hurtful if he wanted to be casual with me. It would be disrespect."

"I agree. If Roxas did that to me, I'd be devastated. I don't think I'd come back from it."

"Me, either. I've had feelings for Sora for so long. Over ten years. And maybe it's childish, but I always had the dream in the back of my head that we'd end up together for good. So I don't regret what happened today based on that."

"...but you still feel weird."

"Yes," Kairi says, frowning. "I felt things that I've never felt before."

"Yeah."

"Namine?"

"Hm?"

"How much have you and Roxas done?"

"Well…not much. But more than you probably think." Namine giggles and covers her face. "Oh, gosh. I'm getting embarrassed."

"You? I just told you all that stuff about me!" Kairi elbows her playfully beneath the coverlet. "Spill it!"

Namine sits up, turning to face Kairi.

"All right, fine. We've kissed, obviously."

"Passionately, I assume," Kairi says in a mocking tone that sets them both to giggling.

"Yes, Kairi. Passionately." Namine sticks her tongue out. "We've touched each other before. Like, with our hands. And he…oh, gosh…he's used his mouth on me twice."

"Namine! Gross!" Kairi is the one to cover her face this time. "Don't tell me that. I don't want to imagine you guys doing all that nonsense."

"You told me about you and Sora! Do you think I want to imagine that?!"

"Yeah, but all he did was kiss my neck! That's nothing."

"Still."

Kairi narrows her eyes. "Was it…nice?"

"Roxas and I?"

"Yes."

"Well, yeah. I love him and we may both be inexperienced, but we learn things together. That's the beauty of it. And we aren't waiting for any specific time to go all the way, or anything. We both figure that we'll be ready eventually. Soon. Really soon."

Kairi gasps and sits up, eyes wide.

"Oh, my gosh. What if we do sleep together? Me and Sora?"

"It would be crazy," Namine says. "Completely insane."

"It should never happen," Kairi insists. "It would be a hot mess disaster."

Namine's mouth curves into a mischievous grin. "But he's experienced."

"Yeah, so?"

"What if he's really good at it?"

Kairi shrieks, smacking her hand over her mouth as they just about die laughing.

"Don't say that, either. It's embarrassing."

"You're twenty-four, Kairi! You can't think sex is embarrassing."

"It's not embarrassing. I guess it's just intimidating. And kinda scary."

"Is that what you meant by feeling weird?"

"Yes. It seems like for something so simple, it shouldn't have felt that good."

Namine shrugs. "I don't think it's weird. I think it's normal for things like that to feel good. Roxas likes when I kiss his neck."

"Yeah, but…well, okay." Kairi gives her a sheepish look. "What about you, though?"

"My back," Namine whispers, as though they're being eavesdropped on. "Specifically the back of my neck."

Kairi hides her face and whisper-screams before she says, "I should find out what Sora's spot is."

"Yes."

"I should do it sneakily, though."

"Yes."

"And when I figure it out, I should surprise him."

"Yes!"

Kairi flops back down on the bed, and Namine follows. They both sigh.

"I think he has feelings for you, Kairi," Namine says. "Honestly. I don't think he would have told you all that and admitted to you that the kiss wasn't an accident unless he did."

"I mean, it was definitely an intense conversation for me," Kairi says, "but what if it's a conversation that's actually normal? What if it would feel normal if I weren't a virgin?"

"Maybe. There's no way to know."

"I guess not."

Kairi goes silent, looking into the shadows on the ceiling. She sees the Duke in some, the guards in others, and she wonders if they're going to be there forever. Will she see them always? Will they lurk in the back of her mind until the end of her days?

Sora can never know. He just can't. It'll ruin everything. He won't want her anymore.

"I'm pretty sure I love him, Namine."

Namine turns her head and reaches for Kairi's hand. "I know you do."

"I wish the kiss hadn't been the end," Kairi whispers. "I wish it had been the beginning. Now we have to start over."

"No, not start over. Rebuild from a previous point. There's still something there—a foundation of sorts."

"You think so?"

"Kairi, listen to me." Namine lifts herself to her elbow. "Do you know what happened when he realized you were stuck in that place?"

Kairi's stomach churns with nerves. "I asked him, but he said he doesn't remember much."

"He went mental," Namine replies, her eyes wide. "It took Lea, Riku, and Aqua to keep him back and try to convince him to stay outside. Sora…well, the look in his eyes was not…normal. I didn't even like looking into them. He looked like he would obliterate anyone who was in the way, even us."

"What?"

"Uh-huh. And I know this sounds dramatic. You probably think I'm exaggerating. But I'm serious. Something in his brain seemed to just break apart. He was quiet at first, and then he asked Riku if you were going to have to take a client. Riku said you might but that he hoped they could stop that before it happened. I don't think Riku was saying that he wanted that to happen. But he's a leader, and he's pragmatic. He was being realistic."

"Yeah, no. I know." Kairi nods. "I was on his side of the spectrum, too."

"Yes, and we all were. But Sora wasn't." Namine tucks some of her hair behind her ear. "So when Riku said that, Sora just stared at him. For a long time. It was really quiet, too. Like, we all didn't want to speak. We just watched them."

"Then what happened?" Kairi asks, feeling anxious.

Namine pauses. "Before I say this, just know that I'm repeating word-for-word."

"Okay."

"This is exactly what he said."

"Right. Go ahead."

"He looked at Riku, and very calmly, he said, 'You realize that would be rape, right? You're telling me that we're supposed to stand here while Kairi's inside, being raped, and just accept it?'"

As the word is uttered, Kairi feels it lashing against her countenance. Because she's done everything she could to keep herself from even thinking the word. But she knows that's what it would have been, and she knows that's what the guards had tried to do to her. What the Duke's goal had been. These men had wanted to rape her. That's what was at stake that night.

Namine continues.

"And Aqua and I were just like, oh my God. Lea immediately tried to get involved, to try and keep things calm, but Riku was already in the hole."

"What did he say?"

"He said, 'I realize that, but she's already inside. What are we supposed to do?'" Kairi's jaw drops. "And oh, my gosh. If you had seen the look on Sora's face. It was like he hadn't heard him correctly. He almost looked confused. And that's when his eyes changed. It was like a lightswitch, Kairi, I'm telling you." She smacks her hand down on the mattress for effect. "Unhinged. Completely unhinged. Then all Hell broke loose, and I don't really know what happened because Aqua got involved, and there was a lot of things happening at once."

Kairi lays there in silence, processing everything she's just been told. Envisioning it and imagining.

"I know what look you mean," she says.

"You do?"

Kairi nods. "It's the same look I saw on his face when he ripped the carriage open."

Namine's expression is troubled. "You think it's something else, don't you?"

"I think so. I've noticed something's been off about him for the past couple days now. I tried talking about it to Riku, and he asked me if I saw Sora's eyes change color. They haven't, but that doesn't mean they won't."

"Darkness," Namine says, lying back down. "He might be poisoned by it, and none of us know. Maybe he doesn't even know."

"Yeah, but where would he have gotten poisoned by it? All of our missions have been rudimentary for the past five years, Namine. Nothing big has happened. We all just…live our lives. Where would he have even encountered it?"

"I don't know. Maybe it was already there?"

Kairi sighs. "I really hope not. But if that's the case, it would make sense why it's only manifesting now. He has a really strong heart. Depending on the level and type of darkness, it could have been holding it back this entire time."

"I think what's most important is that we watch his mannerisms and actions," Namine says. "I think that we should keep an eye on him—you especially—and take note of anything suspicious. Collect the information. When we know more, we'll go to the King."

"I agree. I think that's the best course of action. But Namine…" Kairi meets her eyes. "He killed one of those guards. He tried to kill the Duke. And before we got to La Cíte des Cloches, he insinuated to me that he's killed someone before, then said that he never had, which makes me think he actually did kill before. So that means this could have been going on for a lot longer than we think."

"Did he say who he killed?!"

"No. He only implied it. But judging by his lifestyle, I'm willing to bet it could have been in San Fransokyo. Maybe he encountered someone really bad. Sora would never kill an innocent person. He just wouldn't. But it's clear he'll do it if he thinks it's justice."

"Do you think you could ask him? Would he tell you?"

"Hmm…I'm not sure. It's a touchy subject between us."

"Oh. Well, I say we just keep an eye out. Keep gathering information. Watch him. Things will become clear as time goes on. They always do."

"Agreed."

Kairi's the first to yawn, and it's contagious. Soon, she and Namine can barely keep their eyes open and every other sentence is punctuated by more yawning. It's time to finally sleep. The girls lay their heads down and drift, and Kairi dreams about Sora, his lips on her neck, and the look in his eyes when he saw the Duke on top of her.