By Wednesday Brad was well enough to go back to preschool which meant that Jill was back to having just the two younger boys at home. Randy, who always seemed to take longer to recover from illnesses than Brad was listless and very, very grouchy. On top of not feeling great, he missed having Brad around when he was at preschool as he now had no one to play with.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, Tim had now come down with whatever bug it was that the boys had had and was lying upstairs in bed doing his dying swan act. Jill tried her best to be sympathetic but she'd been up most of the night feeding Mark so her sympathy was in short supply.

Randy snuggled on the couch. He was feeling very grumpy. His stomach hurt, his head hurt, he was tired. He eyed the baby in the bouncer sitting just a little way opposite him. He scowled at the baby just to make sure he knew he wasn't wanted. He looked over to check his mother hadn't seen him do that but she was busy in the kitchen preparing a lunch he didn't want to eat. He wriggled a little, and realised that he really had to pee but he couldn't be bothered to get up, not yet anyway. His eyes began to close and he started to drift off. He felt a soft finger stroke his clammy cheek and he opened his eyes blearily. Jill picked him up gently and whispered "Come on Randy, lunch is ready, let's go to the bathroom first". Too tired to put up his usual fight, he wrapped his pudgy arms around her neck and allowed her to carry him through the living room on her hip. He snuggled his head into her neck and smelled her soft 'Mommy' smell, his small fingers twiddled her hair. This was nice he thought. No more baby. Just me and mommy again, like it used to be.

After they'd finished in the bathroom Jill sat Randy at the table and set a plate of pasta in front of him. She placed her own bowl next to his and sat down too. He took one look and pushed it away "No! Don't want pasta!"

Jill took a deep breath and willed herself to stay patient with the boy.

"Come on, just one bite, then you'll start to feel better" She pleaded

"No" Randy jumped down from the table and clambered onto her lap. "Oh ok" thought Jill "whatever works right now"

He snuggled into her chest and a small hand came out and stole a piece of her pasta. Evidently food from Mommy's plate tasted better than his own. As Jill managed a few forkfuls of her own she became aware that the body on her lap was becoming stiller and heavier and his breathing deeper. He was fast asleep. Jill looked down at her son's sleeping form, his long eyelashes resting on his little pink cheeks, she thought back to when he was a tiny baby and felt a rush of maternal love. She didn't know how long she was sitting there, cradling the sleeping three-year-old but she could feel her arm becoming steadily more painful and her leg stiffening. She tried to shift slightly but every time she moved, he stirred and she didn't really want to wake the little monster. She'd really had enough of his recent shenanigans and much preferred the sleeping version of him. Then Mark began to stir and she knew she really would have to move, it was time to feed him. Slowly, slowly she got up from the table, not easy, even though he wasn't a big child, Jill found she struggled with his sleeping weight in her arms. Oh so carefully she walked over and laid him gently on the couch and pulled a blanket over him. He shifted a little, put his thumb into his mouth and then settled back down again. Jill felt triumphant. It had been a bad few days, she needed to take all the victories, no matter how small, wherever she could. She took a brief second to appreciate how cute and angelic he looked curled up asleep on the couch then she ran off to grab Mark before his small cries became loud roars.

That night, once Brad and Randy were tucked up in bed asleep and with an alarmingly wide-awake and alert Mark on her lap Jill sat near, but not too near, to Tim. He was starting to feel a little better and had managed to eat some toast she'd brought him.

"I can't keep doing this Tim!" She felt hot tears prick her eyes.

"I'm completely exhausted, Brad and Randy are running feral, the house is a bomb site…" she tailed off and buried her face in her hands.

"Jill, you know there's an answer to your problems just staring us in the face"

"No Tim! No! I know what you're going to say, you think I should send Randy to preschool with Brad don't you? I just can't do it… not after everything he's been through, he's just too small…"

"He's the same age Brad was when he started preschool!" Tim protested

"Yes" said Jill "But it was different with Brad! You know that!"

"Well honey, what I do know is that you're shattered. Randy's not happy either. He's lonely! It will do him good to get out of the house, meet some friends his own age. Brad will look out for him, not that I think he'll need it. That kid's a fighter, you know that, he's strong, he'll be ok"

"I just don't know Tim…"

Jill had to admit to herself that there would be some advantages to sending Randy to preschool. It would give her more time with Mark and it would be so good for him to burn off some of his energy in a more… constructive way. Tim was right, Randy was confident and outgoing, Jill was sure he'd fit in and make friends. But then she remembered the tiny premature baby who'd been so sick in his first year, at one point she'd thought she might lose him. He'd been so dependent on her that he'd cling to her leg every time she tried to leave the room. She sighed. She just couldn't decide what to do for the best.

The next morning Tim took Brad to preschool and Jill was, once again home with the Randy and Mark. She'd slept a little better and felt fresher to make the decision she knew had to be made. Mark was fed and clean and was dozing in a crib in the corner. Randy was, thankfully, still asleep. It was a beautiful sunny morning. She threw open the patio doors to let him some of the spring air and saw Wilson pottering in his yard.

"It's a lovely morning isn't it?" shouted Jill and she walked over to the fence

"Why, good morning Neighbour!" greeted Wilson cheerful as ever "I'm just potting up some Columnea Gloriosa, or, more commonly known as a Goldfish plant"

She smiled and then frowned slightly as she caught sight of the unusual plant.

"Thank you so much for bringing Brad home the other day" she said

"It was no trouble at all" smiled Wilson "I hope you don't think I'm prying but is everything ok?"

"No" said Jill with a sigh "not really. Oh… I don't know… ever since Mark was born, it's just like everything has been thrown into chaos. I mean, I love him, he's perfect in every way but boy, I'm really struggling to well…just keep everything together. I've got Brad, well, you saw him the other day. He's clearly frustrated that I have less time for him now. And Randy, poor Randy, he's really struggling to adjust to not being the baby anymore."

"Is he?" asked Wilson, with a slight tone of doubt in his voice, "I hope you don't mind me saying Jill but is Randy really the one struggling with not being the baby anymore or is it you Jill, who's struggling to let your baby go? You've been through so much with him, I know it must be frightening to see him head out into the world, but I think he might actually be trying to tell you that he's ready!"

He pointed back through the doors into Jill's house. They turned around and saw little Randy pulling up a chair and reaching into the cupboard. He pulled out a box of cereal and started to pour it into a bowl. "Yes" thought Jill "my little baby is really starting to grow up"

Jill nodded. "You're right Wilson, as ever, you're right"

She turned back to see Randy attempting to pour the heavy carton of milk. Quickly ran back into the house before he could pour the entire carton on the floor. She was all for independence but she didn't want to clean up 4 pints of milk this morning.