He stood completely still with a handful of shurikens in his right hand. There was no time to lose, my friends Asuma and Kurenai were in danger and with them also the person those two were looking for, I certainly couldn't be selfish. It was not acceptable that my feelings, perhaps completely unfounded and without the slightest hope of being understood and reciprocated, could harm other innocent people.
My water wall was quickly disassembled with a low attack using the same element, the weapons in hand only acting as a distraction. Despite being very fast, one of my clones managed to get Kurenai to safety before he blew them all up. I didn't remember it so fast, I understood in that instant that he had never shown anyone, to the end, what he was capable of, including me. He had always devalued himself by not realizing, he himself, the extraordinary person he had been and continued to be. He did everything effortlessly, the only part of his body that moved were his eyes. How I had wanted that look to be for me! Now it was.
He had denigrated himself to the point of persuading himself that he didn't deserve even the slightest affection from anyone.
Or maybe you do. You wish to be hated. So did you notice that someone loves you?
"Be careful, he became head of the Task Force when he was only thirteen."
Asuma and Kurenai trembled with fear, I with pain and conflict.
He looked at us sharply, the love that had been in those eyes could not have vanished like this. If he had never been affection for me I was sure that there was at least towards Sasuke, Shisui and the place where he was born. Feelings certainly can't be canceled on command and, unfortunately, I knew something about it.
"You have mastered the Sharingan well even though you are not an Uchiha. However, you will never be able to hold my gaze."
I couldn't have done it anyway. But I couldn't even bear the awareness of all my attempts to save him having fallen on deaf ears. It would have been impossible to bear to see him throw away his life and his immense talent.
No, I couldn't have supported any of this, but the play had to go on. For my friends, for the boys in my care, for the place where I was born and for everyone's happiness. I was nobody to put myself in front of this.
The play had to go on.
"Asuma, Kurenai, keep your eyes closed. Only those who possess the Sharingan like me can survive."
"It is true, but only those who have the same genetic trait as me can succeed."
He was talking about Sasuke, probably he was the person they had come to look for. I couldn't allow it, I had to save it. Now I would have to scrape together all that strength for which a lifetime would not be enough. It wasn't about being inside a crushing gear, now it was about actually opening my eyes to see what was really right even if it would have meant going against my heart. It hurts to go against your feelings, but when they're terribly wrong, you have to have the courage to admit it.
The play had to go on.
While putting together the utmost firmness, I realized that it was never enough. He remained unsurpassed as he had always been. I looked into his eyes but nothing happened simply because he didn't want to, I was aware that he could have squashed me for a moment like a miserable insect but I had a duty to try all the way. He stood motionless, an image so magnetic that my pupils tightened against my will making it dark.
"How long do you think you can last, Kakashi?"