~The feeling is funny but addictiveand I want to keep feeling it~

CHAPTER SIXTEEN - POTENT

I couldn't remember the last time I had a dreamless sleep. I wasn't woken at all during the night but I was still anxious. I had no memory of the exact timeline for the events involving Bella's near death experience with an insane vampire so I had no specifics in my journal. It was stressing me out.

I hear low mumbling from the corner of my room before flipping onto my side to face that direction, my hip aches and I groan before my eyes crack open to see Jasper on the phone. His eyes flashing over to me before shooting away when we make eye contact. Cute—wait not the time.

Jasper ended his call before awkwardly hovering near the window. I huffed, snuggling deeper into the blankets, already deciding I was not going to school while Bella was being hunted down.

I peeked at him, "Have you heard anything?"

"Alice said they made it to Phoenix. She said Bella is worried about everyone's safety. Including yours." He informs me, still rigidly standing at the window so I pat my bed, signaling him to come sit.

His movements were stiff as he sat on the edge of the bed and I held in my laughter as I groaned, "Nothing can be normal around here." Jasper's face flashed with guilt and in turn I felt a little bad for using the word normal.

When I finally checked my phone, I had messages from Bella who texted me at five in the morning with what I believed to be a book. It was barely legible as she used random code words for vampires or anything regarding the supernatural.

She apologized for leaving as hastily as she did but she didn't want me to be dragged into anything. She went on to explain in detail how nice the hotel room she was staying in was and verifying that it was something our family could never afford. Of course it wouldn't have been Bella without her teasing about my outing with Jasper.

I didn't give her the satisfaction of knowing the truth about my time with Jasper, instead replying that 'my dates don't end in me running from the entire state'. Only for her to respond that I don't go on dates. Hmph, rude.

I went on to tell her that I was safe and stayed home from school, something dad was okay with as well. I ended it by saying she should stay safe by sticking like glue to Alice's side.

The day was spent lazing around in a pair of sweatpants and sweater with some fuzzy socks on my feet. Jasper waited until dad left before making his way to the living room where the tv was set up. I convinced him to have a movie marathon with me as dad said he was taking a late shift–which I personally thought he agreed to in order to distract himself.

I was already lounging on the couch with a blanket and a bowl of popcorn as he nervously shifted to take a seat. I couldn't tell if his body was tense because he was nervous or because there was an insane vampire on the loose. Maybe it was both.

"Just relax, Jasper. You're making me more nervous if you act this way." I mumble as I fumble with the remote to start the movie. Of course, Jasper had no idea I was setting him up for the Blade movies.

He clears his throat, "I just do not wish for you to find me discomforting."

I shift before forcing him to sit next to me, "We hugged yesterday. I think we can sit next to each other on the couch." His scent invades my nose as he's almost flush against my side. I try to inhale discreetly, though I'm unsure how discreet I can be when he's a vampire.

His scent is dizzying and it made me want to do crazy things–like climb on his lap and smother him in kisses as my tongue slides against his for a taste. It was my first time smelling Jasper, the hug yesterday didn't last long but I found that I really liked his scent. Which had to be completely natural because I just couldn't see vampires wearing cologne or perfume.

I try to inhale again to figure out the smell–not because I wish to buy a candle in a similar scent, that would be weird. Leather, honey, and whiskey. I wanted to giggle because it was so Jasper. It made me wonder what I smelled like. But I certainly would not be asking that.

I'm under the impression that if Jasper could blush, his face would be fifty shades of red. The man was so innocent and I found it endearing. His body is still rigid, though after a moment he starts to relax as he allows himself to sink into the cushions. I felt his entire body tense as I let my weight lean into his side—it seemed all of my self control flew out of the window the moment I agreed to try with Jasper.

I couldn't help myself, I just wanted to touch him. I reached for his hand, hesitantly wrapping my fingers to hold his.

I know his body is naturally cold but a fact I was learning was that while his body was 'hard', it wasn't exactly like touching a rock. His skin still felt soft to my hands and his chill was canceled out by the burning flames licking my skin whenever he was near. I wondered vaguely if this was something Bella experienced with Edward but I would smother myself with my pillow before I ever asked that aloud.

"Are you not uncomfortable?" He asks, his eyes staring at our hands with a small smile on his lips, as if he couldn't help the action.

I bring my bowl back toward me with my free hand, glancing up at him from snuggling into his side, "I'm never uncomfortable with you, Jasper." The honest answer must throw him off as his mouth opens and closes with no words coming out. I chortle before grabbing the remote, "I'm honestly fine. Have I ever been known to do something I didn't want to?" I cock an eyebrow at him.

He shakes his head, "If you are certain…" his attention is grabbed by the tv flickering, "What did you decide on?"

I just knew my grin appeared devious from Jasper's expression of unease. As it turns out, Jasper had never seen the Blade trilogy and that astounded me. I mean, with all that extra free time vampires have, how could he not have seen any of the movies?

Halfway through the movie, my popcorn was gone and the bowl was pushed out of the way on the floor. Jasper was fully immersed in the movie, his body relaxed against my own as our hands were still interlocked.

It gave me a warm fuzzy feeling inside and while I knew it was kind of fucked up for me to be lounging around with guy I was interested in as Bella was being mercilessly hunted down by a psycho vampire, I couldn't find it in myself to feel bad. And maybe that made me a bad person but there was nothing I could do in the situation other than hope my text about mom placed enough doubt in Bella that she wouldn't leave the hotel.

"Is this what you believe vampires to be like?" He asked as I got up to switch the dvd to the second movie.

I puff my cheeks in thought, "I think there could be several kinds of supernatural creatures that go by the same name. A general term if you will. It's extremely closed minded to give a definite answer when I am but a human consuming supernatural media."

He seems to be contemplating my answer, "That is an interesting view to have."

"I believe the world can work in mysterious ways. Including giving birth to supernatural beings." I settled back into his side, this time his arm wavering before gently settling over my shoulder, as if he was concentrating on his movement. I lean my head against him before tilting up to stare at him, a coy smile on my face as I question, "What do you think vampires are like?"

If Jasper had a heartbeat I was sure I would have been able to feel it pounding as I leaned against him but alas, I could only watch his micro expressions to get a read on his feelings. His eyebrows twitched upward, a sad smile full of secrets pulling his lips, "I think they're far worse than what is shown in these movies."

I had to agree. Vampires could bite and leave the person alive in most tales of fiction. But vampires here? One bite and it was game over. Aside from the whole being able to suck the venom out thing—that was clearly for very specific cases that took tremendous willpower. It certainly wasn't the norm. Though part of me didn't think Jasper was specifically speaking about the whole venom versus fang thing.

After the second movie, my stomach growled. My cheeks grew hot as we decided to take a small break for me to eat. Leftover spaghetti from dinner the other night seemed to be the best option—at least when comparing it to ramen or a frozen pizza.

Jasper trailed after me to the kitchen, not creepily and far enough away to give me space. He leaned against the doorframe, his eyes following my movements before he offered to help. It was a nice offer but there wasn't much to do so I told him not to worry.

As I sat down at the table to eat, I gestured for him to take a seat as well. He complied and I started to eat.

At first, it was incredibly awkward to eat around Jasper. Considering he didn't eat at all and I required food fairly frequently, it was unavoidable and I learned to suck it up. Jasper also did his best to not stare directly at my face as I shoveled food inside my mouth so that helped.

When we made it back to the couch for the third movie, I was once again comfortably tucked into Jasper's side. His hand grasped mine as his lips ghosted over my skin, a lightning bolt shot through my body every time he performed the simple action of kissing my hand and I am embarrassed to admit that my heart stutters every time.

"This is nice. I never would have thought I could enjoy this kind of time with you." His voice low and gentle as he bares his insecurities, "I have never wanted to be this close to somebody, much less been unable to stop myself from touching them."

I squeeze his hand, "Do I make it harder for you by getting too close?" I was worried I had pushed Jasper too far by leaning against him all day. It was never a thought in my head that Jasper would or could harm me and so I gave into my desires. It was a good distraction from the complicated situation of Bella and her potential injuries but I only now realized how forceful I had been.

He brings my hand up to his cheek, nuzzling against my knuckles, "It has been more than perfectly fine. I must admit that I am indulging in our closeness despite the situation that has birthed it."

My breath hitches and I'm forced to remind myself to fucking breath as the air around us feels like it pulses and sparks. I blink away what feels like a spell of bewitchment before agreeing. I confide that I feel like a bad sister for being unable to help Bella but I can't deny that I'm basking in the warmth Jasper Hale was providing me.

Wednesday Bella finally calls me instead of texting, telling me that she's leaving the hotel and I almost flew into a panic attack that caused Jasper distress as he was instantly fretful by my side. I awkwardly laughed it away when Bella explained the Cullens were going to take her closer to our house in Phoenix and that she just wanted to just run in and make sure everything was okay.

I reminded her mom and Phil were still not back yet so be careful and joked to make sure we weren't robbed—we had nothing to be robbed of unless they wanted moms piles of knicknacks she couldn't get rid of.

Before she hangs up she offers to bring anything I forgot back. I thank her but say there shouldn't be anything. After the call I sank onto my bed, laying on my back with my arms above my head. My heart was beating wildly from the sharp stab of anxiety Bella momentarily caused and Jasper was sitting on the edge of the bed close to my head as his eyes were full of confusion and worry.

I peek my eyes open at him, "Bella just frightens me sometimes. She's too…impulsive?" I sigh, "If she sets her mind to something, she'll almost always follow through."

His cool fingers brush over the center of my brows, massaging the furrow and tension away. I feel my body go boneless as it absorbs the wild flames that burn deliciously through me, coaxing me into a state of tranquility.

Over the last three days of skipping school with the excuse that Bella and I were both sick, Jasper and I had been in proximity of one another almost the entire time. Our ability to physically touch had finally reached the stage where Jasper was no longer so hesitant—thank goodness—to ghost his fingers down my arm or comb them through my hair as I dozed off on the couch.

After some time, Jasper and I found ourselves still on my bed but now he too was laying down after much coaxing on my part.

Jasper was always a gentleman, never wanting to cross an imaginary line. He would even leave—to who knew where but I suspected not far—when I needed to shower. This also included him reminding me that he felt wrong for staying in my private space even though there were bad people out and about. I had to reassure him it was fine—it's not like he was rifling through my underwear drawer. I know his face would've been red when I said that.

The soft music playing from the speakers as The Glow Pt.2 by The Microphones creates a comfortable and warm space for us to just stare at each other. It should have been awkward as fuck but as it turns out I really liked looking at Jasper. For the first time we were on the same eye level, and my eyes caught his honey blonde curls sitting so perfectly it made me want to reach out and touch them. So I did. It didn't seem like Jasper was ready since his entire body tensed before he forced himself to relax, a shy smile on his face as he asked what I was doing.

"I'm so jealous of your hair. Plus you get to touch my hair all of the time. I don't get why you're so fascinated with it, these waves are a menace to me. They never want to cooperate." I ramble on, unable to stop myself and I only do stop when his smile grows into one of fondness.

His eyes drift shut as leans his head into my hand and I just know it must take him an insane amount of self control not to crush me whenever he's touching me. His eyes lazily blink back open, darker now than they were before as he divulges in a soft voice, "Darlin', everything about you fascinates me. I wish you could feel what you do to me." His hand comes up to brush against mine still in his hair, "I am spellbound by you."

His eyes glow playfully before crinkling as he jests, "You are not a witch who has cast a spell on me are you? Or perhaps a siren leading me to my death? Hmm or maybe you're a nymph sent to take my heart…"

I giggle as my cheeks heat, rolling my eyes playfully at him before tugging on his curl a little, "Those are quite the guesses you have, good sir. Pray tell where you summoned such thoughts from?"

He then goes on to regale me with clearly fictional stories and some are even drawn from the supernatural romance books I saw him picking up at a bookstore after catching the title and cover of some I've read around him.

My heart swells and the blazing bonfire has turned to fireworks shooting into millions of little lights that dance through my entire body—it makes me want to kick my feet and grab his face to kiss him like I've never kissed anyone before. Because who buys smutty romance books just because they saw a friend reading them? Who can joke about the contents and even compare their not girlfriend—yet my mind sings to itself—to them?

I gasp as he brings up that he didn't expect the books to have those scenes in them and I can't help but shake with laughter as he explains how surprised he was. Then of course I had to picture Jasper stumbling into an intense, supernatural, sex scene causing my eyes to leak with tears from laughing so hard.

"It is not funny. I wish I was more prepared. I…had not realized that is what you have been reading causally like it is the morning paper." He defends himself, his expression flustered.

My fingers twirl around his hair some more as I say that it is funny. And that I regret not being able to see his initial reaction. I also feel the need to defend myself, "It's not like I expect that stuff—running through the woods naked being fake hunted down for example—in the bedroom though." His eyes practically bug out of his head but I continue, "Sometimes it's just fun to read, ya know? But I mean if someone wanted to try it out with me…I don't know, I'd probably be okay with it." I let my fingers drop his hair before gliding them across his cheek, delighting in his eyes darkening further.

"You should be careful. That person might be dangerous." He whispers, his cool breath fanning over my face.

"I'd be okay with a lot of things that come with that someone." I confess, swallowing thickly.

I suppose I celebrated too early as our serene days shattered with one phone call from Carlisle. Jasper and I both sat up, me waiting as I tried to hear whatever is being said but clearly can't—curse this human hearing.

And I felt the familiar weight crushing my chest as my feet tingle. It felt like a bomb was ticking in my head, every tick was a second my mind thought of a new question. Was Bella okay? Was she safe? Did she get tricked even after talking to me? Was I unable to change anything? I felt sick as I could hear my heart pounding in my ears. My vision fades as a multitude of outcomes flash through my mind and I keep getting details of the series jumbled. My throat felt tight, like it was closing up on me.

My vision cuts back to what's in front of me as Jasper's panic stricken face is in front of mine, his hands cradling my face. "Darlin', breathe. I'm right here. You are alright." Jasper moves his hand, guiding my hand to his chest and encourages, "Close your eyes. Breathe with me. Nice and slow." His unnecessary breaths help me regulate my own breathing as he counts from one to five in between each inhale and exhale.

He tells me to open my eyes and I do. He asks what I see and my eyes drift as I manage to get out, "My record collection, my bookshelf, and you."

His expression relaxes slightly, looking relieved as he asks what I hear. My throat feels dry but I persist. The sound of the vinyl still playing softly, the wind hitting the panes of glass of my window, and Jasper's honeyed voice that's full of worry for me. He asks if I can move my hands and it was only then that I realized they had balled into fists.

I try to relax my tense muscles, wincing from the feeling of uncurling my fingers. I wiggle them a little before I flex my hand into a fist a few more times to get the blood flow back. I roll my ankles around before scrunching my toes per his direction. After a few minutes I feel a bit better but Jasper is clearly still worried for me. But my mind is already moving after coming back to myself, "Why did Carlisle call?"

He shakes his head a little, "You should worry about yourself right now."

I grasp his hands, practically begging, "Jasper. Tell me."

He looked like he very much did not want to tell me but gave in anyway, "Bella had a little accident."

I swallow before taking a shaky breath, "How bad?" I didn't realize how hard I was squeezing his hand but his unflinching expression proved he probably thought I was equivalent to ant bumping him.

"She just has a broken leg." He informs me, appearing ready to catch me if I pass out. Not that I blamed him. I did pass out before during the van incident.

I bit my lip, unsure how much to ask but I was so, so worried, about Bella. I say fuck it before the words are spewing from my mouth, "And…she wasn't maimed or…bit?" I whisper the last word like it's a dirty secret because it kind of is.

Jasper's eyes are blown wide from surprise but he recovers quickly, "No. Not that they said anyway. Just a leg from trying to run away. Luckily, Emmett and Edward were there. And a third person helped them out."

A third person? Who the hell was that?! I don't have time to think too hard on that when I'm just thankful Bella didn't have to experience such a terrible time with the whole James incident.

"Your dad is going to want to go to the hospital to see her most likely. In Phoenix." Jasper's hands are now cradling mine, different from the vice-like grip I had on his before, and the chill in my body is overtaken with the rippling heat. I vaguely realize that I haven't felt cold this week as Jasper's permanent presence in my home has made me feel like I was sitting under the summer sun.

"Mm. I want—no, I need to go too." I whisper, my eyes seeking his.

"I'll get the tickets." He promises and I know I can trust Jasper to the task.

I perk up, "Are you coming with me?"

"Always, Darlin'." And for the first time his lips drop down to place a soft kiss on my forehead and my body experiences a plethora of butterflies shooting through me as their wings tickle my heart. The flames follow in their wake, licking and soothing. It was potent.

The feeling is funny but addictive and I want to keep feeling it. I want Jasper to keep making me feel it.

Oh. Oh. Oh.

I was in trouble because every moment I spent with Jasper made it harder to fight the feelings I tried to deny.

Jasper who disarmed the bomb ready to blow up and catapult me into an inconsolable mess. Jasper was becoming my North Star in the darkened night—and I was afraid I'd never be able to let him go.

As Jasper is on the phone with I assume Carlisle and I'm packing my mind drifts as elation fills me. Sure, Bella wasn't unscathed but the events changed. And maybe I shouldn't rejoice too early but it gave me hope for the future.

If only I knew some things sooner I might have been more on guard later.

Note: As always thank you to everyone who has followed, favorited, and commented/reviewd! I am sooo sooo happy you all love the story and characters as much as I love writing them

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See you all next week 〜（ゝ。∂）