It is always just before dawn when the images of Harry lying dead on the cold stone invade my mind and I wake to discover that it wasn't just a dream. It happened; our worst nightmare became a reality.

In a childish attempt, I cover my ears pressing hard.

I hear the voices again. Even awake, I hear them screaming. This time it's Cho. I hear her scream rising to another pitch as McNair pushed the blade deeper no doubt hitting bone her naked, bruised body stretched flat on the table.

I didn't know a person could bleed so much.

I hear my parents refusing to give in and I can only look on in horror as Alecto cackled out a curse unknown to me and their heads began to turn until a loud snap was heard; I screamed. Sometimes, I forget that my own wails are mixed in with the noise. I remember at the time thinking a band would be jealous of the dungeon's acoustics and I chuckle; I made a funny as Parvati used to say.

The memory causes me to shudder, and I snuggle closer to him. I am always surprised how perfectly my body aligns with his as curve matches curve.

When I am lying in his arms, I have a sense of the familiar, of comfort and when my eyes are closed, I can pretend. He doesn't mind that I am prone to fairytales. What everyone has said about him isn't true I see the glimpses of his humanity the empathy. I see the flashes of regret he tries so hard to hide. He understands the part he has played.

Everything around me has changed and yet it is the same. Severus is the same. He is my one constant, the unchanging variable in this experiment-this new world.

Every night I go to him and offer my body for his pleasure. Initally, I was overcome with shame because of Harry; I always thought the first time someone would touch or see my body it would be Harry. Not him; not the man he hated above all others. When I am alone, I wonder if he is ever overcome with pride knowing that he was the first to claim what was once thought to belong to Harry.

I walk around the small house, the duster hanging limply from my hand. Out of the corner of my eye I take note of the bottle of whiskey and wonder if Severus would mind if I had a sip or two. I decide against it, I would prefer to be aware when he comes.

Biting my lip, I quickly sit down on the couch.

I look around; Severus insists on keeping things as close to the way they were before the Regime. Before Harry fell and the Order was finished. At night after our lovemaking, sometimes I find him staring out the window forlorn, hands on the windowsill his shoulders hunched, he's on the winning side and yet he is defeated; just like me.

I smile in the dark knowing that he too feels the heaviness.

One night, I walk in find him sobbing. He looked ashamed and I squashed the urge to show any affection but I take comfort knowing that he hurts. Instead, I went about my routine ignoring him as his mask quickly slid into place and he swiftly left the room in a whirl of black satin. We never speak of that evening and I pretend I didn't see.

After dinner, he goes into the sitting room and reclines in his favorite chair. I follow suit sitting in his lap my head nestled against his shoulder. As always, he will run his fingers through my hair and kiss me on the forehead.

All of our evenings are usually spent with us talking about the weather, a book I am reading, sometimes he will mention what he is working on for the Dark Lord, but we never mention the time before, and I found out early on that Harry is never to be mentioned in his presence. I don't think he likes to remember either.

He wants to forget the promise he made and couldn't keep.

He is back from searching for members of the Resistance; that is what those who escaped call themselves—the Resistance. Before I catch myself, I roll my eyes at such a notion; didn't they know we tried that already? To resist, to fight and we lost. We lost everything.

I purse my lips but really, I am jealous of the few that decided to keep pressing on despite how bleak the outcome looked. Despite the lack of manpower, they have the courage to continue fighting. They have what I have always lacked.

So, I remain silent and continue to set the small table. I arrange the place mats far enough apart that he won't feel crowded but close enough, so he knows that I am not avoiding him.

He has been away for three weeks. With no note, no word he just left in the middle of the night. I turned over and sobbed with him gone I couldn't pretend. Without him there is no fairytale for me to get lost in and when he pulled me in his arms, I closed my eyes relishing in the hotness of his flesh. I wanted him inside me, it had become a need. I needed to feel him, to know he was real and not some apparition.

He wasn't a fading memory like Harry was becoming and I blinked away tears.

I followed offering no resistance as he grabbed my wrist firmly and started leading me to the bedroom. The lighting was dim, and he slowed before stopping and turning around to face me. He brought his hands up and cupped my face in his calloused palms, Severus stroked my cheeks with his thumbs "I need to see you," he whispered against my forehead. I knew this was pretend for him too. Together we could cope, this was our escape from the world.

He released my chin and slowly lowered himself to the edge of the bed as he pulled me close encircling my lower half in his arms as he rested his cheek against my stomach.

I stood looking down at the top of his head before I placed my hands on his shoulders and placed a lingering kiss at his crown. Gently, I pushed him away and took a few steps back so he could watch.

Slowly, I untied the apron and tossed it aside. At an agonizing pace, I slipped the straps of the white shift off my shoulders and let it fall from my body to the floor. I continued in this manner until nothing remained.

Severus

I let out a breath. She was magnificent; I knew it was wrong to look upon this girl with such desire. After all my years as a spy, I could not control myself. A former student, a mere child of 17 but before me, with her red hair and pale unblemished skin except for a small scar on her left side that I had ran my tongue down many nights, was a goddess.

I sank to my knees in supplication.

Ginevra had become my salvation. I would care for her the way I couldn't for the others.

I will admit that it has been guilt that has kept me from taking the girl no more than a few times a month; I prefer to pleasure myself during those nights when that same guilt will not allow me to touch her. But here she was before me her dusty, rose colored nipples at full attention, waiting, begging me to take them in my mouth and taste the salinity of her skin.

It was moments like these that I was truly grateful to that madman. I was also grateful to the gods that when she came to me, she was untouched. This was one time where a Potter was not the victor, but I.

I looked at her once again before closing my eyes, Lily.

She allowed me to forget.

Ginny

He sank to his knees and I knew I had him. In this moment, I had all the power; he and I both knew it. I saw a prevalent bulge, he was ready for me. This time our joining would be different. There was no shame or guilt this time and I closed my eyes picturing Harry before me; my thighs became slick.

He took me twice that night. The first time was slow and gentle; when he finished, I crawled down his body and took his member into my mouth stroking until he was ready. The second time he took me from behind roughly; I think it was to punish me for making him lose control.

Severus doesn't like to lose control.

Severus

I lost control. Rare, but it happens to me as well.

I closed my eyes when she took me into her mouth, and I saw Lily. I remembered the time we experimented in her grandmother's shed. We had smiled and giggled as we childishly touched one another. But as usual my happy memories always turned dark, and I bitterly recall the night I found her.

She was pale, cold. It was the coldness that gripped me.

I had seen many dead people, but I had never before touched one.

After I finished, I laid there thinking of the promise to protect her son I whispered against her ear. The one I failed to keep. I did what I have always done.

I lashed out at the girl.

Ginny

It's been a little over a year and things have settled down a bit. I went out to Diagon Alley alone today. This was the first time I saw Seamus; he was thin, his face sunken, and he was carrying the bags of a wealthy, snobby looking pureblood woman. I hurried past, not wanting him to see how well I was doing.

I bought more clothes and a book to give to Hermione. We see each other often for tea or go to the park. Most of the time we sit in silence because we both know that we have given up and accepted this fate; we are ashamed that we sometimes find ourselves laughing and happy.

We don't deserve it.

I walk to the apparition point taking my time, thinking about Harry. He is forgotten when I step from the fireplace and see him.

Night came too quickly, and the stress brought about upon seeing Seamus forced me to retire to bed early. He soon slipped in bed behind me, capturing me in his arms and placing kisses along my neck and upper back.

Sleep came easily.

Severus

She no longer flinches when I touch her. I have done all that I know to make amends for everything but I was told to think nothing of it. I heed her advice and speak of that night no more. It is becoming harder to remember Lily. The way she abandons herself and surrenders her control to me is addictive and at times I can think of nothing else.

It has become harder to make room a ghost.

It was early October when I learned I was to become a father; I immediately thought of my own and how I hated the man.

I was determined that my child would not hold the same sentiments.

Ginny

6 Months Later

The wizarding world was rejoicing in the birth of the Dark Lord and Hermione's daughter. I hug her and give the Dark Lord a slight bow; she pats my swollen belly and whispers, "it won't be long, now. They can be playmates," Hermione smiles a little; the smile never reaching her eyes.

I understand; everything has become too real now. With a child, she has no hope of ever leaving. The same is true for me; Severus would never part with his child.

The following day, I was in Diagon Alley when I saw her. Fleur standing in the doorway of a seedy shop that was known for its dark potions as much as it's renowned for the girls' whose services they sell.

Severus told me there were a lot of girls sent to places like that when they wouldn't cooperate.

She saw me; at that moment Severus came over and gently took me by the hand. She looked from him to me, and her mouth fell slightly ajar before closing and turning downward. It was her eyes, how they narrowed challenging me and I had to look away.

Severus looked at Fleur and sneered, "come, you need to rest; for the baby," he pulled me away.

"It does one no good to live in the past, Ginevra."

I had no reply; and allowed him to lead me around the shops in silence.

The following summer, I give birth to a little girl named Cadence Eileen Snape. He was overjoyed but for me her birth was bittersweet. This should have been Harry's child.

I cradle her crying. Everyone thinks they are tears of joy, but Hermione places a comforting arm around me pulling me close. She knows. She kisses my cheek before departing.

When we are alone, he gives me a deep, lingering kiss and afterwards he expresses his desire to have another child next year.

I smile lightly.

He departs with a small smile and leaves me and Cadence to rest. I place her beside me and break down sobbing quietly into a pillow.

Severus and I got married three months after her birth, I stood at the alter the veil shrouding my face. I closed my eyes searching for which fairytale I would use to get me through the ceremony.

I gasped when I had none.

I went after Cadence and Atticus; the two of them didn't understand that Mummy couldn't run after them now. I caress my lower abdomen where my third child nestled. I smile to myself as they hid behind a tree and I glance over my shoulder at the sound of man's laughter. He head was down, his thick dark brown hair shining in the sunlight and my heart skips a beat.

It sounds familiar and I turn around my heart racing until the young man looks up. The rhythm returns to normal, and tears rim my eyes.

I thought it was him, foolishly I thought it was him.

The children run to me pulling at my robes screaming they were ready to go home. I comply and let Hermione know that the heat has gotten to me she nods understanding but I think she knows. I see the way she cranes her neck around me to watch him. The resemblance is striking, and I dismiss asking did she miss Harry like I did.

Long after, I put my children to bed and make love to my husband I lie awake thinking of the young man in the park and how for a brief moment I caught a glimpse of Harry and how it should have been. I sigh shaking myself from my thoughts, I am too old too much has changed for me to get lost in fairytales and I roll over placing my arm across Severus's chest.

I smiled when he pulls me close.