A/N: Hello everyone! It took me a little while to update this one. Final Fantasy XVI swept in and took my attention away from this and other stories of mine. And I think I started this story around Christmas too, so you guys know how that goes. At any rate, I hope you guys will enjoy this second chapter. Many thanks to those of you who left comments and support for this story. I really appreciate it. Best wishes and God bless you all!

Disclaimer: Code Geass belongs to Sunrise, Gorō Taniguchi, Ichirō Ōkouchi, CLAMP, and whoever else was involved in the production of the anime and other media attached to the franchise. This is merely a Fanfiction written for entertainment purposes...and because I just like Suzaku a lot.

Warnings: This chapter is relatively short. Enjoy!

To the Beginning
-2-

When Jeremiah's questioning begins a few hours later, Suzaku plays around with the idea of giving a false confession to test whether this entire scenario was some kind of twisted dream, but Lelouch's Geass command to live, an active presence in his mind, doesn't allow the words to slip through his lips at any point during the long interrogation, thus erasing any notion of what the former knight dubbed, "The Dream Theory."

This outcome is rather unfortunate, mainly because "The Dream Theory" is the only rational explanation Suzaku can think up amidst the relentless barrage of physical abuse he'd already lived through once before.

Dealing with it a second time is more annoying than painful; nevertheless, he's still too distracted to think while that is going on.

Eventually, after several hours, he is deposited back into the quiet prison cell serving as his temporary home.

The relief he feels there is ironic, but Suzaku doesn't bother to dwell on how blatantly sad this fact is. Instead, he contemplates whether Geass is a factor of this predicament he finds himself in. Of course, without any additional information, his suspicions don't gain much traction…even with all the spare time he has to ponder what little he knows about the power from old conversations with C.C.

After a little while he drags up "The Dream Theory" again, only this time he thinks his life after Shinjuku might have been the dream. Considering how the campaign in Shinjuku included seeing Lelouch for the first time after seven years and getting shot in the back by his commanding officer before piloting the admittedly cool but physically taxing heavy metal death trap known as The Lancelot…this conjecture held some weight. Trauma can do many crazy things to the human brain after all…

But ultimately, Suzaku tosses this idea out a metaphorical window. He is many things. Creative isn't one of them, and he is almost certain that it is impossible for any mind, let alone his, to conjure four years' worth of experiences in a one-night subconscious vacuum.

Perhaps Lelouch's mind could manage something like that, but thinking about it leads Suzaku down a whole other rabbit hole of pointless conjectures and a near existential crisis that forces him to stop wondering what happened altogether since any and all attempts at it were driving him insane.

"Waiting things out is my best option. An answer will present itself…eventually."

Lloyd arrives shortly after he comes to this conclusion, waxing poetic about how shameful it is that his new "devicer" will be off to the gallows soon, which elicits a boisterous laugh from the Japanese adult turned teen again.

"It's nice that you have a good sense of humor about this," Lloyd continues, raising an eyebrow at him. "Although it might be a touch morbid, even for me."

Suzaku doesn't respond to the jibe. If these events truly are repeating, he'll have plenty of time to reacquaint himself with the scientist's abysmal social skills.

Right now, he's just happy someone recognizes him as Suzaku and not Zero.

This joy is short-lived, however, when he thinks of another - a woman who always saw the best in him regardless of his sins.

"Euphie…"

…

After four years of mourning his beloved princess, the prospect of meeting her again is too overwhelming to consider, so Suzaku does everything in his power to keep those thoughts away, especially after Lloyd departs for the night.

With hindsight guiding him, he spends the rest of his prison stay trying to emulate his past self's desperation, but acting has never been his strongest skill. He can recognize the thinly veiled irritation in his voice every time he talks to any of the security guards unfortunate enough to deal with him, and is grateful when they collectively decide to put the electric collar around his neck.

At least this way he can't further embarrass himself with lackluster performances.

Lelouch really would fare better with this sort of thing. Suzaku had a hard enough time pretending to be Zero daily, and he'd been doing that for three years. In fact, he was supposed to be escorting Empress Nunnally to a meeting in Zilkhistan today, not reliving a past he only just started moving on from.

But eventually, after several grueling days, the soldiers escort him out of his cell and prepare to parade him across the settlement.

Jeremiah's mock trial, designed to convict him as Clovis' murderer, was to take place immediately following his transportation to the courts. The whole thing was a propaganda stunt on the surface, but in truth it was merely a way for the Pureblood faction to shift the blame of their failure onto an easy scapegoat.

Suzaku knows this plan won't work thanks to Zero's debut and confession as the true culprit behind Prince Clovis' death, but the former knight still feels that same sense of unease when he's tied to a metal pole then flanked on either side by soldiers pointing rifles at his face.

His mind swings back to "The Dream Theory" a final time...because no matter how much he craved punishment for having killed his father, this scenario alone has spawned truly dreadful nightmares over the years.

He wants this to be one of them.

Because if it's real then...

Inhaling deeply, Suzaku braces himself as the transport moves from beneath his feet. The vehicle emerges from the underground garage and up the road ahead a minute later, exposing him to frigid air and to the distant jeers of the crowds gathered behind military blockades.

"It all started here," he thinks bitterly, absorbing every sensation and sound until Jeremiah calls for all units to halt.

Lifting his gaze, the former knight watches as an imitation of Prince Clovis' personal transport draws closer from the other end of the long road.

"This will be the first time since…"

Biting down on the inside of his jaw, Suzaku cuts the thought short. He can't afford to recall that day right now.

"You dare desecrate His Highness' transport! Come out of there!"

Jeremiah's shout draws him to the present as a low burst of flame consumes the Britannian banner, revealing the mysterious visage of a masked man cloaked in black.

This is the man he sees in the mirror.

This is the man he hates.

"Zero…"

Though his hands are restrained behind his back, Suzaku's fingers fidget ever so slightly.

He can still feel the weight of the sword Lelouch gave him.

And without warning he sees Zero with a gun in his hand, trained at his princess.

The echo of the gunshot sealing her death reverberates through his empty heart, and the immediate rage is almost all consuming.

By now he knows Lelouch's order to her was a tragic accident, and while that knowledge isn't enough to erase the scar of the memory, it helps him school his expression into a neutral mask of apprehension rather than wrath.

"I am…Zero!"

"No…I'm supposed to be Zero now. That's why you…why I…"

Gunshots sing through the air, transferring his attention to the three Sutherland frames closing in to surround the stage Zero crafted for himself.

Now, more than ever, Suzaku sees how intricately Lelouch wove himself into the persona. The instant Jeremiah calls for him to take off the mask, Lelouch methodically presses his fingers against the surface of the plastic, feigning compliance for a beat before raising that same hand to the sky.

With a snap of his fingers, the container with the fake poison gas is unveiled, eliciting sharp noises of concern from the onlookers and expressions of pure panic on the faces of the Pureblood Britannian soldiers.

Suzaku feels like he's in a daze watching everything unfold a second time, seeing the power enabling his rescue at work.

Jeremiah never stood a chance. None of them did.

In the hands of a master showman, Geass is the ultimate trump card.

He's released in less than a minute, but Suzaku's strides toward a nemesis turned alias are shaky and hesitant.

"What is going on?"

The question shakes through him as he comes to stand face to mask with Zero. He wants to speak but quickly remembers the electric collar around his neck and stops himself. There's no need to repeat that particular mistake...

But in that line of thinking lies a significant problem Suzaku can't avoid now that he's being whisked away to freedom.

If he lives under the assumption that none of this is a dream that will eventually end with him waking up as Zero once more, would changing the errors of the past make a significant difference in the future?

Does he even want a future anymore?

And what of those lost along the way? What happens if worse choices are made in response to the actions he takes from here on?

It would help if the former knight knew what triggered this mess, but his musings are forced to stall when Lelouch, hidden beneath Zero's mask, beckons him inside an abandoned theatre shortly after his rescue. Suzaku glances about the dark space, examining the splintered wood of the old stage and the large clusters of plaster and rock scattered about the seating areas. He imagines the productions that might have taken place here, of the families who might have enjoyed the performances.

A small smile tugs at his lips when he thinks of how Lelouch and Nunnally would have reacted to the different stories of his people acted out on stage. Perhaps those performances would have inspired Lelouch to become an actor. Knowing Nunnally, she would have replicated the melodies of the music she heard from the shows on a piano with her keen hearing guiding her hands until her doting older brother could assist with the proper finger placements along the keys.

"The arts would have suited them well," he muses, sighing. "Lives spent creating rather than tearing down a broken world..."

"It looks like they treated you rather roughly."

Suzaku blinks, barely catching Zero's visage in the darkness. Upon registering the meaning of his words, the former knight examines himself using the pale moonlight as a guide.

He's coated in dust and grime from the days spent in the prison cell, his neck is sore from the tight electric collar Kallen removed for him, and when he takes a moment to touch his face he feels the scratches and bruises along his skin.

"Yeah, I suppose they did," he mutters, stifling a chuckle.

The tension in Zero's stance loosens.

"Now you know what they're really like, Private Kururugi." He pauses and takes a single step towards him. "Britannia is rotten. If you wish to change the world, then join me."

Suzaku smirks.

"You wanted me to fight with you from the beginning. Maybe if I had joined you from the start, we might have found a different way. Even so…"

"I'm not sure…if I want to change anything anymore."

Those weren't the words Lelouch expected. Suzaku knows he's surprised his friend from how he stammers out his response.

"W-What?"

"You heard me," he answers back, sighing heavily for the second time. "Changing the world…is an endeavor that will take everything from you. Your heart. Your soul. Your mind." A soft, hollow laugh spills out of his mouth when his mind pours over the memories of their struggles against one another and the world itself.

They sacrificed everything they were...everything they wanted to be...and for what?

"In the end, all you become is a hollow shell."

Suzaku knows he's saying too much right now, but it feels good to talk to Lelouch again, to be candid about what he's thinking without any bitterness between them.

"Are you saying…it's not worth it to even try?"

The words come out of Zero in a hiss of pure rage.

"No," Suzaku says plainly, sitting down on one of the rotting theatre seats. "I think you could do it. You could change the world, Zero. You have conviction."

"And you?"

Staring down at his feet, the former knight thinks it over for a moment, wondering if he still felt anything for this world.

The answer he comes to pains him, but he isn't going to lie anymore. Not to himself or to Lelouch.

I don't. Not anymore."

A long silence follows the words and it's obvious Lelouch has no idea what to say for probably the first time in his entire life.

And so, taking advantage of this rare moment, Suzaku returns to the original script for this moment.

"So, is it true? Did you really kill Prince Clovis?"

"This is war. Why wouldn't I kill an enemy commander?"

Suzaku thinks it over for a few seconds and nods. "Fair enough. What about the gas? Those were civilians out there."

"A bluff to help things along, and as a result, not a single life was lost."

"I thought this was war," the Japanese man counters, pivoting his head to peer up at the towering image of his friend standing atop a pile of rocks. "People will get caught in the crossfire eventually, whether you want them to or not. You shouldn't be so reckless with other people's lives."

A soft chuckle echoes through the cavernous space of the old theatre.

"Is this how you show gratitude to someone who just saved your life?"

Suzaku closes his eyes and allows himself to smile.

"You didn't save me. You just made things more difficult. But that's typical of you."

When the silence starts to drag, Lelouch fills it this time, determined to have the last word in the conversation.

"Join me. The Britannia you serve is a sham…"

"That's true," Suzaku cuts in, opening his eyes to gaze at the moon shining through the open ceiling. "It's a horrible, corrupt system. I wanted to change it from the inside…because I…"

He tappers off and shakes his head, dismissing the notion to reveal his former thought process. The Lelouch standing before him isn't capable of understanding what he was or who he's become in his personal quest for redemption after having killed his father. As a child, he single-handedly changed the course of Japan's future…and all because he wanted to protect himself from losing anyone.

But now he's a different man living parts of a life he's so mentally distant from that he can barely think straight enough to carry on this debate with the friend he killed with his own hands three years ago.

He needs to figure out what's going on. He needs to get back to life as Zero. He promised Lelouch he'd protect Nunnally and assist her in maintaining the peace they sacrificed their futures for.

There's no point in trying to course-correct a past that's already written in stone.

…

And yet…

…

Slowly, Suzaku rises to his feet and moves toward the building's exit.

"Where are you going?"

"My court martial is in an hour."

"Are you mad!?" Zero exclaims, a hint of horror in his voice. "The only reason they're even giving you a trail is to find you guilty…"

"I know…" Suzaku's footsteps halt as he forces out an exhale. "I know."

"Then why…"

"If I don't go, they'll start cracking down on Elevens and Honorary Britannians," he mutters, clenching his fists.

"But you'll die."

Suzaku knows that he won't, not only because of hindsight but because of the inactive Geass command waiting in the recesses of his brain.

"And that's another unsettling thing," he muses quietly, walking forward again, much to his friend's chagrin.

"Don't be an idiot!"

"You sound like an old friend I never bothered listening to," is Suzaku's immediate response. "Thanks for the reminder to punch him…and for saving me I guess."

Lelouch calls out to him again, but doesn't pursue, which gives the demoted knight some much needed peace and quiet as he ventures toward the courthouse with firm, determined strides.

The only way he can see her again is to go back.

A/N: And that's all for now everyone! Thanks again for reading and for showing support for this story. I can't say when the next update will be, but I'll do my best to start working on the next chapter soon. Life is still a little crazy for me right now. Many thanks for your patience. Best wishes and God bless you all!

Also, if you guys ever get antsy waiting for me to update my Fanfics, I'm Lillymu961 on YouTube if you ever want to look into more anime/gaming/K-Pop content. I haven't posted there for a little while either, but feel free to explore the channel if you wish. Thanks in advance if you choose to stop by. Later ya'll!