Nicholas heard a light knock on the door of his cubicle, looking up from the book Audrey had brought him to see Samuel enter. "Hi. I feel like I have a revolving door today."

Samuel still had on the clothes he'd worn to church as he came to sit in the chair near Nicholas' bed. "I'm sure. How are you today?"

"Better than last night. Dr. Floyd says he wants me sitting up in a chair later this evening. It's funny. I would've thought that having my chest opened up would entitle me to stay in bed for at least twenty-four hours."

"It should. But you know how it goes. They want to get you out of this place as soon as possible."

Nicholas closed the book that had remained in his lap, leaving it there as he looked down at the bandage on his chest. "Would you believe I've never been in the hospital for anything? Ever?"

"I would. That may be unusual, but it's not impossible."

"That's probably why it seemed so easy for me to brush it off when my chest first started hurting. I lost Rose to meningitis. I've seen Steve through three hospitalizations. But I've never been sick or needed anything medical-related myself. But now I always will. I'll need major care for the rest of my life."

Samuel sensed the change in Nicholas' spirit, taking his friend's hand to both comfort him and make sure he stayed calm. "Nicholas, I can't say I know what it's like to have a heart attack or the kind of surgery you just had. But I do know something about the feelings you're having now. They're the ones that tell you your life's been divided into a 'before' and 'after.' That, from here on out, everything will be different."

"Yes. Because it will be." Nicholas felt a wave of emotion, one that seemed normal, but surprised him, nevertheless. "Can I tell you something, Samuel? Man-to-man?"

"Sure. What else am I here for?"

Nicholas nodded as he felt Samuel's hand squeeze his own, the preacher's reassurance still as powerful as it had ever been. "I feel like I need to be strong for Audrey. And Steve... he's looking like he's wrecked by this. I can't put him through more either. Especially when he just got married. He needs to be focused on that and on Liv."

"He can be a husband and still be your son, and I think my sister can handle anything you have to say. I'm sure I speak for everyone when I tell you that you don't have to put up any kind of front for us. We all love you. But, either way, I'll listen to you if it's what you need from me today."

Nicholas felt a single tear fall down his cheek, putting his hand that had the IV inserted over Samuel's. "I'm scared. And you know I've been scared plenty of times before, but this is different. Yesterday, I was terrified that I was dying. Now it feels scary to live when I know recovering will take months. Things won't be normal for a while. I won't be normal, and that seems almost scarier than death."

Samuel leaned closer and guided Nicholas' head to his shoulder, the best hug he could give his friend under the circumstances. "Anyone would be scared. Yesterday and now. I bet, if you asked your doctor or the nurses, they'd tell you every patient in your position has some fear. That they all grieve for the time before their illness. But you can do this, Nicholas. I know you can."

Nicholas could feel the cotton of Samuel's shirt brush against his unshaven face, the flow of tears staunched by his lack of energy. "I'm just not sure I want to. It feels too overwhelming."

"I know. But you have to build up your strength first. Of course everything is overwhelming when you just had emergency surgery last night. It's a lot and trying to figure out where else you need to go from here is too much to reconcile all at once. You need to take very small steps right now."

"You know what else I keep thinking about?"

Rather than taking a guess, Samuel settled back in the chair, his hands each moving down to his lap, though his eyes never left the man in front of him. "What?"

"My son. Not just about how this is affecting him, but how close I came to leaving him. No matter how old he gets, Steve will always be my child, and I'm terrified of not being here with him."

"So let that be all the motivation you need to get through your recovery. I know you want to be in this world with Steve for as long as you can, and the way to do that is to fight your fears with action."

"Don't worry about it, Stevie. I was glad to let you crash here for a while. This place will always be a home for you. Which goes for anywhere else I ever live too."

Steve felt Soda's hand grasp his shoulder, turning to see his friend sending a grin in his direction as he sat in the kitchen, a fresh plate of lunch in front of him. "Thanks, buddy. I know that, but it's always nice to hear."

Soda poured a glass of milk for Steve, putting it next to the plate. "Hey, that's what I'm here for. To be a voice of help and comfort. Liv was here for a while, but since you kept sleeping, she went to the hospital to see your dad."

"Oh. I thought I dreamed about her, but maybe I really did hear her voice then."

"Probably. We were talkin'." Soda paused momentarily as Steve at the soup and grilled cheese he'd made for him, on the fence about whether he should mention the apparent nightmare. "And, well, she talked to you too 'cause you were sayin' stuff in your sleep."

"Stuff? What did I say?"

Soda took the spot beside Steve, wanting to make sure he was gentle as he told his friend the truth, realizing his words may cause him to remember the dream. "You were callin' out for your dad, buddy."

"Oh. Well, I guess that makes sense. I don't remember anything though. Except maybe being scared. Did you and Liv both talk to me?"

"Yeah. And you calmed down pretty easily. So I guess the dream must've stopped. You were real quiet after that. But it's probably better if-"

"A cliff. My dad was hanging off a cliff, then he fell."

"No wonder you were talkin' in your sleep."

Steve felt a chill go through his body as he recalled the scene that had unfolded in his nightmare, seeing it as a clear reflection of not just fear, but also guilt. "I lost my grip on him, Soda. He fell because I couldn't hang on. I watched my dad fall to his death because I didn't hold on tight enough. How could I not wake up after that? How could I just keep sleeping?"

"'Cause you needed the rest, and we were there to help. You've had nightmares so many times, Stevie, and it's not a bad thing for you to be able to sleep through them."

"This isn't the same though. The dream's not just about me. What the hell kind of son am I if-"

"No! You stop that! Stop it right now, Steve. You know better, and I sure ain't going to sit here and listen to you cut yourself down like this. Don't sabotage the place you're in just 'cause somethin' bad happened. You're an incredible son, and I won't have you sayin' otherwise!"

Steve pushed his chair away from the table, his appetite suddenly gone as Soda's tone made a pang of hurt radiate deep inside him.

Soda let out a heavy sigh, grimacing at his own reaction to Steve's questioning as he watched his best friend leave both the table and the kitchen, putting some physical distance between them. "Steve? I'm sorry, buddy."

Steve hovered close to the front window, one which he'd stared out many times before. Ignoring Soda for the moment, he let himself feel the pain that was there, while also recognizing the truth in his friend's admonishment.

Soda lingered in the kitchen at first, seeing how still Steve was, only his best friend's back visible to him. "I mean it, all right? I shouldn't have yelled at you. Please answer me. Even if all you can do is yell at me too." When continued silence was his only reply, Soda approached Steve, getting directly in the other man's line of vision as he sought to make amends. "It's okay if you're not ready to forgive me yet. But I still want to tell you what I should've said and how. You really are an incredible son, and you're an incredible human being. So it hurts me to hear you bein' so hard on yourself. It's okay for you to have dreams, Stevie, and sleepin' through this one ain't reflective of who you are at all. I know you need plenty of kindness right now, so I promise to be better at givin' you that, no matter what you say. You've trusted me with the way you're feelin' over what happened, and I promise to be more careful about reactin' to stuff that obviously connects to it 'cause the last thing I want is to hurt you when you're already dealin' with a lot of pain. I'm so sorry I did, and I hope I can fix it."

Steve reached for Soda's shoulder, gripping it tight for a short time before he drew his friend close.

Though Soda welcomed the embrace and eagerly returned it, he still felt something off in Steve's spirit, as he'd yet to speak another word. "Please talk to me, buddy. And you can say anything you want too."

Steve's hold only became more forceful as he navigated the feelings that seemed to be growing in intensity.

Soda responded by hugging Steve tighter as well, the moment making him recall another which had taken place during his friend's first year as a counselor when he'd been confronted with the suicidal feelings of one of his clients. His behavior then had been similar to now, and though that didn't give Soda much guidance in how to handle it, he tried anyway. "I've got you, okay? I know this is about a lot more than what I said and-"

"You were right, Soda. About everything. I do know better, and I'm being too damn hard on myself over the dream. My dad's okay, so I should be fine. I shouldn't be having such a tough time dealing with this when these feelings are all ones I've had before. They aren't anything new, and I need to stop acting like they are."

Soda cringed inside as he still held Steve, knowing all too well the pervasive guilt his best friend was experiencing. "I never said you should be fine, buddy, and I sure ain't expectin' that of you either. Please let yourself off the hook here 'cause all that's happening right now is you seein' everything you do as wrong when none of it is. It's all right to be havin' a tough time. Your dad had a heart attack less than twenty-four hours ago. You're still just tryin' to process that, and I hope you can be gentler with yourself till you get where it's not so fresh. I'm sorry I got frustrated before, but please know that's on me and not your fault."

As Steve allowed himself to remain wrapped in Soda's arms, he turned his head to look out the window just in time to see Olivia's car pull into the apartment complex parking lot, both the sight and his friend's hug making him wish the care of his loved ones could be enough to permanently chase the demons away.

"What a way to welcome my new daughter-in-law into the family, huh?"

Audrey leaned down to kiss Nicholas on the lips, as she had just arrived for the next interval of visiting hours. "It's memorable. That's for sure. How are you feeling now?"

Nicholas surveyed himself, really thinking about his wife's question, as he sat up a little bit more. "Not terrible. Kind of bored, honestly. This is too much time to think too."

"I know it must be." Audrey grasped Nicholas' left hand with her own, their wedding bands right beside one another. "I'll bring you more things to do tomorrow, okay?"

"What about your job? I don't want-"

"I have the next two weeks off. More if I need it. As soon as Mary heard about your heart attack, she insisted."

Nicholas blinked back tears as his emotions tried to get the best of him the way they had earlier. "I love you. I feel so much like I'm just here interrupting everything. I hate that."

"I love you too, honey. And you aren't interrupting anything. It's not your fault you're sick. It just is, and you'll be better before you know it."

Nicholas' eyes swept the tiny room as he imagined what it would feel like to be up out of bed and moving around, though he knew life would be on pause even once he got to go home. "Yeah, I guess I will. Maybe I'll blink, and this will all be over."

"You didn't have to come with me, Liv. I know you were just here while I was asleep."

Olivia slipped her arm around Steve's waist as the two walked the hospital corridor that would take them to the CCU. "I know, but I wanted to come. Nicholas is my family too, and even though we aren't on our official honeymoon, I can still spend time with my husband."

Steve felt a flash of gratitude to be with a woman who would never expect him to move his dad low on the priority list, knowing he'd found his match in Olivia. "I'm so glad you see it that way. We'll have some special time just for us tonight, I promise. It can be a redo of our wedding night, and we'll catch up on what we missed, if you know what I mean."

"Well, that sure sounds like something I'll be looking forward to."

"Trust me. It should be." Steve pictured going to be with Olivia tonight, this time to physically bond in the way newlyweds do. Feeling a boost in confidence despite what he knew could still disrupt their blossoming sex life, Steve brought Olivia's hand to his lips and kissed the top of it. "We'll be beautiful together, and every moment will have been worth the wait."

"Dad, what are you doing out of bed? Do the nurses know?"

Nicholas sat in an armchair that had been brought to his room, Steve's dismay not something he had anticipated. "Of course they know, Son. I had to have help to get here."

Steve rushed over to Nicholas' side, his eyes then noticing the clipboard at the foot of his dad's hospital bed, the top sheet detailing the progress he'd made so far, as well as what would be expected in the coming days. "They want you to be walking on Tuesday? That's only three days after your surgery. How can you be up so soon?"

"That's normal after this kind of surgery, Steve. According to both my surgeon and the physical therapist. It's good for me to start moving around."

"Are you sure? Are you in pain? Do I need to do anything?"

Nicholas reached for Steve's elbow, guiding him down onto the footstool that was in front of his chair. "I'm sure. Everything's going just like it's supposed to, Son. You don't need to do anything except-"

"Please don't say I just need to be here with you. I can't take that, Dad. I can't take doing nothing, and you should know that about me."

Nicholas unconsciously touched his chest as he sighed. "I do know that about you, and-"

"Why are you touching your chest? It hurts, doesn't it? Please don't lie to me again. I can't take that either."

Nicholas' expression was one of confusion as he put his hand in his lap. "Lie to you? When did I lie?"

Steve suddenly remembered where they were, realizing he shouldn't be causing his dad any stress at a point when he still needed to be in a CCU. "Never mind. I just- I guess I'm kind of upset that you tried to tell me you were okay before you went into surgery. But I shouldn't say you lied. I know it's not that simple."

Nicholas thought about the moments Steve was referring to, remembering how he had been so sure he could convince himself, as well as his son, even when it was clear that he needed more medical intervention. "I just wanted to be okay. That's all it boils down to. But I'm sorry I wasn't honest when you'd asked me to be."

"Don't be, Dad. I get it. I don't want you worrying about anything anyway. But you aren't hurting right now, are you?"

"No. I'm actually pretty comfortable. Now, back to what I was saying. I'll need a lot of help when I go home, Son. I won't be able to be alone at all for a week or two. I won't be allowed to drive for at least three weeks."

"So you'll really need me to do stuff for you then, and I won't feel like I'm doing nothing."

"Exactly."

As Steve sat there with Nicholas, he thought back to how he'd felt while his dad was in surgery, one question in particular standing out to him. "I love you, Dad. So much more than I even know how to say, and I hope you never forget that. It was hard for me when I couldn't even be next to you last night, and I worried about whether you knew how I feel. We just said it to each other before the wedding, but I still had that in my mind. So I need to say I love you with every part of myself, and I'll do whatever I can to help you heal."

Nicholas touched Steve's face, cradling his son's cheek in his palm. "I love you too, Son. You never have to worry that I don't know how you feel about me. Because I do, and I can't forget it. That would be like forgetting a part of my own heart."

"Is it okay if I hug you? I don't want to do anything that might hurt you."

Nicholas replied by pulling Steve close himself, holding him as his son's arms wrapped loosely around his middle. "You won't, and I could sure use a hug. But after this, I want you to do something else for me."

"What's that?"

"Go home and get a full night's rest. As late as you left last night, I know you couldn't have gotten much sleep when you were here again at nine this morning."

Steve started to protest but quickly changed his mind, as he was looking forward to giving Olivia the wedding night she'd missed. "Okay. I'll get a lot of sleep. I'll do my best anyway. I got on you about being honest, but I wasn't either when you asked me about my night."

"It's all right, Son. I've been able to tell you're tired."

Steve pulled away just enough to stare into Nicholas' eyes, his own heart still feeling heavy as he contemplated the fear and guilt that held so much weight. "I love you, Dad. I promise I'll get some rest, and I'll see you tomorrow."