Staying Alive
Always remember that your present situation is not your final destination.
Mercy's POV
Day 1
"Anyone here?" I ran along the beach shouting "Anyone?" I started crying at the reality of what had just happened, we'd crashed at sea and somehow through pure adrenalin I'd managed to get to land. The land was lifeless barring the trees, sand and sea that was it, I was unsure how I was going to survive or even where the hell I was. "Hey" I called seeing something resembling a human form laying in the sand half their body in the water "Hey" I called again when they didn't respond, stopping for a second to check out the situation. "Shit maybe he's dead" I stepped back unsure if I really needed to see that right now "Hello" I called out waiting for some movement "Shit" I hissed scared when I realised, I had no choice but to check it out "Okay" I took a breath and went to see what was happening
"Hello" I poked at his back, still no movement "Are you alive?" I watched his body for movement, there was some, he was alive just not awake. I looked up at the burning sun and thought he'd be like a bleached whale if I didn't get him out of it, so I grabbed his arm and attempted to pull him, he was too heavy for me I couldn't even budge him.
"Okay" I looked around the area there was nothing, no solid trunks of wood just leaves and twigs, they were going to do nothing to help. I walked a few feet into the woody area and finally saw leaves big enough to use as some sort of lever, I'd seen it done on TV in some film I'd been forced to watch as a child and thought I could only try. I grabbed some of those large leaves and piled them into something resembling a stretcher and went back to the survivor in the hope that he would wake up and have some idea about how to get us back to the hotel.
"God" I gasped shocked at the way the sun had attacked his back for the short time I'd been away, I had to get him in the shade, he was my only hope, if the water hadn't got him it looked like the sun was having a damn good try. "Let's get you moved" I lay the leaves on the ground and rolled him over onto them, before dragging him about twenty yards into the leafy area for some shade. After that I needed water, but there was nothing and I was so hot, thirsty, and hungry I fell asleep beside the stranger
When I woke up in was much cooler, the breeze had picked up a bit and the sea seemed a bit rougher, evening was about to set in, and no one had even approached the island "And what are you saying?" I looked at the man lying beside me. For the first time I actually looked at him, he wasn't half bad, young maybe a year or two younger than me, his hair mousy brown and dishevelled, his eyebrows well groomed, the beginnings of really smart lip and chin fluff on his face, well cut sides, he looked after himself.
"My guess is…" I looked at him "About to get married to the most beautiful girl in the world, and you think you're the lucky one" I smiled purposely looking at his ring finger "My advice, don't do it dude" I looked out at the sea thinking about my life back at the hotel for maybe the first time since I'd opened my eyes. "Thirsty" I whispered to myself remembering how I'd left things before I fell asleep.
I didn't want to go into the thick foulage, but I needed something to at least drink and sea water everyone knew wasn't the thing, so I was looking for fruit, maybe a coconut or two, something full of rainwater if that ever happened here, anything. I finally found something resembling an orange tree and picked a few red and orange ones just in case, shook a tree and got a coconut that almost knocked me out and went back to the patient.
"So" I smiled at him "We have a three course meal, red orange for starter, coconut for main and orange oranges for desert, and don't forget our alcoholic beverages" I held up the coconut "Juice if I can break this without spilling the lot" I looked at him hard just to check he was still breathing, he was, so I set about preparing food, peeled an orange and rubbed his lips with it, I didn't want to force anything
Halfway through eating I realised he might be hurt, I hadn't even taken the time to check if he was hurt, I quickly checked the areas that I could see, felt his legs, and undone his trainers sliding them off his feet, everything looked fine to me, I just needed him to hurry up and wake up "You about to wake up anytime soon?" I asked unsure what I was expecting from the question
"So, enough about you" I picked my unfinished orange up "I was at that hotel because my so called boyfriend decided we needed a break about a month ago, I agreed to it, he's a dick and gets on my last nerve every damn day just by being there, and I was about to break up with him, but he's good to me and well" I wondered what the word was "He loves me" I smiled to myself "And I guess I love him too, it's just when things don't go my way" I rolled my eyes "Okay" I chuckled "I'm a bit of a diva" I closed one eye to hide the lie "Okay that's an understatement, I'm kind of full on in that department" I laughed "But he pisses me off because he gets me and always knows what to do to chill me the fuck out, you know what I mean?" I looked at the man lying there, paying me no attention whatsoever "Sorry I have a potty mouth, part of my diva" I laughed I don't even know where I was getting all this giggle from considering my situation.
"My guess is he want to upgrade and he's trying that bitch out before he makes his decision" I huffed "And the joke of it all is I know me and if he chooses me, I'll go running back" I looked at him "I bet you're with some slim, blond type, sweet like sugar, doesn't answer back, flaps around you like honey" I smiled again "I used to be that to my ex, I really don't know when it all changed"
"He's on the road a lot you see, he sings, he's good I mean really good, and sometimes that part of his life gets in my head and well, I kick off, I know it pisses him off, but I don't want to stop, I feel like he thinks I don't care if I don't kick off, is that stupid?" I looked at the sleeping man "Back to you" I nodded "My life's so depressing at the moment"
"I picture a professional, you want to give orders but you're not quite there yet, but give it a couple of years my friend, it will happen if for nothing else that face will get you there" she frowned "But I don't know if you'll be able to keep that little angel of yours maybe you'll trade her in for a newer model too" I looked out at the sea before grabbing another orange "Was that a cruel thing to say?" I peeled the orange thinking it was about to reveal the answer to that question "Maybe by the time someone finds us, she'd have replaced you for a model that's still alive" I looked to the bushes on my left side "Maybe that was cruel too" I sat in silence eating my orange
Someone was bound to work out we were missing soon and come looking for us, that's how it happened in the movies, and everyone says, if it's in a movie you can guarantee it's happened or about to happen. How did a simple excursion turn out like this, one minute I was talking to the woman on the monitor, the next thing I knew I was lying face deep in the sand struggling for air, wondering where the hell I was.
"Hey" I tapped the guy on his chest, it looked like night was setting in and that wasn't a time I wanted to spend alone "Wake up, enough sleep already" I nudged him harder this time. It was clearly no use, whatever was wrong with him wasn't going to be sorted in a few hours, I had to concentrate on staying alive
What will become of me if my water is calm, and I've lost my mind many times before
Seeking the thrills that my body provides, mindless hunting, as far as I'm concerned
Come happy, go lucky, you'll never know, what my hearts been mending on the low
And I long for peace, when I've been at war and when I finally come home all I want is freedom
"That sounds nice" the stranger startled me "Did we actually collide?"
"Yeah, I estimate about five hours ago"
"Did anyone else rock up?"
"I found you, I was about half a minute away"
"I'm guessing you pulled me out the water"
"You guess right" I held my hand out "Mercy Jones"
"Finn Hudson" he smiled brushing his hand on his dirty shirt before offering it to me "I need to find my fiancé" he looked out into the distance "She might be on the island" he made to get up and cried out in pain "I think my legs messed up" he looked at me like I had nurse written across my chest
"I'm sorry the closest I've ever come to first aid is sucking blood off my own finger" I told him, and I wasn't ashamed of it either "I have good medical insurance"
"So do I" he chuckled "It's my calf, just tell me if it's broken or not"
"What's the difference?"
"Is it twisted out of shape or swollen"
I had all sorts going on in my head of what this twisted poking out the skin bone was going to look like, I closed my eyes, gritted my teeth, and took the plunge, he was my way out, I had to help him, so I lifted his ripped trouser bottoms and looked "It's swollen" I gasped relieved "But no excessive bruising" I added trying to impress for some reason
"Could you grab me some twigs and some of that stringy stuff over there, please?"
"Yeah" I got up "What are you going to do?" I grabbed the sticks and twigs and brought them to him
"I need to support my leg for a while, I need to find my fiancé"
"You're not leaving me here, are you?"
"You can come with me" he smiled at me "After all I guess I owe you my life" he looked up
"And I want you to keep it" she looked at the night sky
"You're right, night's coming, I guess we could settle in for the night and get started first thing" he looked around "Could you grab some more of these leaves?" he grabbed onto the nearby tree and pulled himself up "If we can make beds, cover ourselves in these cooling leaves we should be good against the morning sun"
"I don't think I can sleep" I looked at the picturesque scene "God knows what comes out at of the bushes at night"
"It doesn't seem like it's inhabited" he looked around I didn't bother to ask how he knew that
"I'll grab the leaves"
"Lots of them" he called after me
When we finally finished piling leaves and bending them to make little cocoons for us to sleep in we sat around eating oranges, drinking coconut juice, and talking about the events we thought had led us to where we were
"So" he looked at me smiling "Who's waiting for you at home?"
"I have a boyfriend, we're sort of on a break at the moment, but the loves still there"
"How's he coping with that?"
"Him" I asked shocked "What about how I'm feeling about it?"
"We'll get to that" he laughed "What brought on the break?"
"Diva Mercy Jones" I smiled at him "I can be a little too much sometimes, and I know it, he's a saint for putting up with my shit, and I know he loves me, so I understand him needing a break from me now and again"
"So how does he vent?"
"Through his music I guess"
"You didn't ask him?"
"He just walks away sometimes, or he'll kiss me, tell me to shut up, and he has been known to just go on tour"
"Is his music good?"
"Of course, he's brilliant at what he does" I smiled with pride "I go all out on the tour thing, I trust him, but I think…" I stopped to look at the stranger "What's said on this island stays on this island, yeah?"
"That's sort of leaning to the premise that we'll never leave this island, but yes" he nodded
"I do most the shit I do to stay in his head, he's a good-looking guy, and sometimes it feels threatening when he…" I looked at Finn's face hoping for a reaction, but there wasn't one "I guess I'm the way I am because I'm just scared of losing him, he means so much to me, and I think my heart would literally stop if I lost him"
"Does he know that?"
"No" I laughed "I wouldn't show him all of that, he can't know he has that much power over me"
"Why not, you know how much power you have over him?"
"Do I?" I looked at him wondering when I'd told him I had any power of my boyfriend
"He just walks away sometimes, or he'll kiss me, tell me to shut up, or go on tour, those were your words" he told me, and I couldn't argue because they were "But he never says he's done, he's leaving, your over, why do you think that is?"
"Enough about me" I huffed this man was making with think about stuff I hadn't even unpicked in my own head yet "What about your fiancé?"
"If I had to sum her up in one word" he smiled looking up at the darkening sky "I'd say feisty" he laughed "Keeps me on my toes, and I love being that way" he looked at me and I could see the love on his face for the woman "She's fun to be around all the time, always laughing, making jokes, when she gets angry everyone has to watch out" he laughed "And everyone thinks she's too much for me, but when we're alone and the lights are off us, she's the kindest, gentlest, most genuine person you'd ever want to meet, nobody sees that side of her except me" he grinned "She says only I bring that person out"
"That's sweet" I smiled, thinking he could have been describing me
"Your description of yourself reminds me of her"
"Funny enough that's exactly what I was thinking" I laughed
"Something to think about" he looked at me "If we can see similarities, and that's what I think of my fiancé, what do you think your boyfriend could be thinking about you?"
"What indeed" I smiled, I thought his take on his girl was romantic but to imagine someone, somewhere, thinking that about me, I was more than content, but still wondering why the hell my man didn't just say that instead of listening to me rank all the time "Maybe if I gave him a chance"
"Pardon?" Finn asked
"Talking to myself, sorry"
"Just remember your current situation isn't your final destination" he lay on his makeshift pillow telling me
"What the hell does that mean?" she turned to look at him
"It means think on it, goodnight"
"Night" I replied looking up at the stars trying to tell us the situation was beautiful, I had a lot to think about, I'd only ever seen our relationship from my side before, I needed to put myself in his shoes and check myself, this relationship needed to be about two people, for a long while it had been about me. "I'm selfish" I turned my back to Finn, maybe this break was all my fault.
He totally loved me I knew he did he told me all the time, but I was finding it hard to remember when I'd told him that I loved him. I expected him to know I did, because I argued with him about other women, that was a trust issue, I should have known that.
"So could he talk about me like Finn talked about his fiancé?" I asked myself ready to dissect my relationship, conscious that most of the flaws in it belonged to me "I could do better" I smiled to myself covering my head with the leaf Finn had made for my cocoon, which hopefully didn't allow any wondering insects into my space while I slept.
This question about my relationship rested heavy on me as I lay getting used to the reality of my situation and the fact that maybe I was never going to see him again. I was being cruel making him keep me in his head, no doubt about it, but it wasn't for the right reasons, I was being destructive, exhausting, and careless with my relationship, and worse still with his heart.
I was having some hard conversations with myself, forcing myself to look at the reasons behind my actions, concluding that, maybe as I'd always known, the insecurities lay within me. I'd lived what you'd call a normal life, both parents around, usual struggles, my father worked all the hours god sent and my mother put in her work too, there was never much sharing of affection, there just wasn't the time to make the effort, everyone was exhausted.
I lay remembering my parents arguing about bills all the while, never really having a good word to say to each other, but they stuck it out, always reminding me of what was expected in a relationship, I never saw affectionate love, never knew it existed until I had a man touch my body. I tried for a while to be that person, tactile, loving, caring, but eventually it wasn't me and I decided subconsciously to become myself or the version of myself I'd grown to know.
Out of nowhere came the self-made insecurities, which of course I threw at him, instead of looking into myself, it was just the easiest thing to do. There was a trigger in that change, and I know now it was when he told me he loved me for the first time, that was something my mother used to tell me after one of my parent's usual blowouts, she'd rock me in her arms, crying, telling me he loved us, and that was why she endured everything.
It was a cycle I was falling into that age old never ending one, I knew there was another way, I'd done it before, if only I could bring that person back, the one he fell in love with, let him teach her how to love, and how to love him back. He deserved to be loved, to be my priority, to feel happy when he's around me, he should be able to talk about our future without me going off in a diva fit to avoid the conversation, he deserved better.
Should the universe be kind to me, and I find myself out of here I promise to plan a night out for us, I've never done that, I told myself finally closing my eyes
Day 2
How we've longed to be free to feel the wind against the palm of our hands
Reaching out, going somewhere, going nowhere at all
What will be left of me, if I leave it at the door all my flaws and painful missteps lying heavy
Maybe I'll fly, like a feather towards the sky find the light in hidden spaces, let it guide me as I go
"You managed to do it again" Finn turned to look at me "I could get used to waking up to song" he smiled "Morning"
"Morning" I smiled "I've been busy cooking breakfast" I pointed at the pile of oranges and coconuts between us
"And my leg feels much better" he smiled sitting up to partake of the lovingly prepared feast "We need to leave soon, cover some ground before the sun gets any hotter" he looked up at the sky
"I get the feeling you know something about outdoor living" I looked at him
"Army life, I was in for four years"
"Makes sense" I smiled, we ate, brushed ourselves off and started our journey around the island to find his fiancé
It really wasn't as big as we thought it was within two hours, we were seeing the side of the sea we had left behind "I had hold of her hand, it was the last thing I remember" Finn told me as his uneventful search started to hit home "I knew she couldn't swim, there was no way I was leaving her"
"I heard someone shout something like that, but I was too busy screaming"
"Babe" Finn suddenly left me standing and ran off to a shape ahead of us, for a second I stood wondering where she's sprung from, smiling because it was a beautiful scene, and I wanted that to be me. I filled up a little bit as I watched them cling to each other "We weren't far from each other" I heard him say as he peppered kissed over her head "Thank god" he held her head between his hands before hugging her again "This is Mercy Jones" he looked back at me walking towards them "Mercy this is my fiancé Santana Lopez"
"Very pleased to meet you" I smiled, watching her tending to his injured foot, scraping his hair back to make him look presentable, curling into him for comfort, as they whispered, giggled, and kissed as if they were on a romantic holiday, I knew my queue, I went off in search of food to give them some space
When I finally came back, we sat talking, Santana turned out to be all the things Finn had said she was, funny, feisty, protective of his feelings, soft and sweet in the middle, in fact I didn't feel at all like a third wheel. We scratched help into the sand, got twigs and leaves to make a bigger bed for Santana and Finn to fit into and ate even more oranges, I swear my skin was going orange
"So" Finn looked at me as the night quickly closed in again "Did you get time to think on what we talked about last night?"
"He's in love with me for sure" I smiled "And I guess I love him, but I've forgotten how to be in love with him, and I just hope it's not too late for us to get that back" I looked at Santana "I've been watching you two today and I remember when that used to be us, when my guard was down, my heart was free, but I also realised last night why my heart closed, why I was protecting it and I can't carry on thinking every guy is like my dad"
"Every guy is out there looking for the woman to make them feel like a man" Santana laughed "In more places than just the bedroom" she laughed "But until that man knows and understands his true worth, no woman can ground him, that goes for us too" it wasn't the words she said, it was the tone that struck a chord right through me, it opened up my mind in a way I couldn't explain
"I get it" I smiled at her, because I really did "I've got some stuff to work through" I nodded
"Is that a water motorbike?" Finn looked up asking
"It is" I jumped up happy to have been found waving like crazy as the motorbike neared, screaming when it landed safely "Sam?" I asked shocked watching him quickly step onto the sand and pull the thing in "How did you…" I gasped trembling, I didn't think he even liked me anymore, let alone all this
"Babe, don't ever do that to me again" he slammed into me, pulling me into him at the same time "I thought.." he gasped
"I'm fine" I hugged him back "Finn and Santana were looking after me" I turned to see nobody there
"Who?" Sam looked across the sand "You've been missing for three hours; how do you hire a motorbike and ride off without letting anyone know?"
"You mean two days?" I looked at him
"Are you alright?" he pulled me in again "Thank God" he gasped, I smiled at his reaction, it reminded me of something I'd heard a short while ago, I knew what I needed to do, as I stood watching him check my body for injury, brush my hair off my face, kissing me repeatedly
"I love you Sam Evans" I told him, his head jerked up with the shock of it "I'm in love with you"
"I'm in love with you too" he smiled content before hugging me tighter "Let's get you home" he grabbed my waist and pulled me with him "Sit in front" he told me "I'm not losing you again" I spun round to face him as he started the engine. I was so content, I did what I do at times like those, I sang what was in my heart
Grace you'll see the dawning of another day, guilt severs all your ties to me
Oh love, your flight is oh so heavenly, come kiss me sweetly oh, going somewhere, going nowhere at all.. 'Mending' by Frida Touray
"I love that song; you should do something with it" he whispered to me, I couldn't help looking back at the island wondering if Finn and Santana really happened, smiling because whatever prompted that intervention was more than welcome, I wasn't just staying live, I been given the time to look at my current situation and change my destination "Thank you" I mouthed to my unseen friends, understanding Finn's comment.
"What was that?" Sam asked
"We need to talk" I hugged into his back and whispered in his ear
"I'm ready" he replied as if he'd been waiting forever to hear those words, I closed my eyes and kissed his cheek