In the After, Firestar took me to the ThunderClan halfbridge. We carried vast burdens upon our backs, both more ancient and new than our grandparents and grandkits. To Firestar, it was a familiar weight, comforting and draining in its presence, but to me, it was new and strange. Firestar would carry this burden until he died, upon which Brambleclaw would take it upon himself. Firestar had been carrying this weight longer than most and had bared it more gracefully than all, but he was now at the end. You could not see it at a casual glance, but I had known him for seasons. The tiredness was in his shoulders, and how they slumped every time he took a step. It was in his whiskers and in how they drooped even when he smiled. It was in the hidden gray fur that besmeckled his pelt. It was in how he talked. One sunrise, I would look like him.
"Tigerstar is back," he said. "I don't know understand all the specifics of how, I'm leaving that for Jayfeather, but I do understand that he intends to wipe the Clans from the lake. He intends to kill us all with an army of ghosts, and since I can't stop his attack, I will attempt to match him in battle. LionClan is needed again. Can I count on RiverClan for aid?" On the halfbridge, just sitting beside me, Firestar looked steady, but I could see the tremble in his bones. He was afraid.
I had asked Leopardstar once why she had helped Onestar attack ThunderClan when she stood to gain nothing from it. She had said that Onestar had been mad. About what? Leopardstar had pointed to the stars. Immediately, I understood. WindClan had been the most sacred Clan. The oldest, most ancient nursery tales talked at great length about how WindClan had been the first Clan. In the old territories, they had been the closest to the Moonstone and had the first true medicine cat. Now, the legend of Mothflight was buried under the legend of Leafpool. Now, it was ThunderClan that was closest to the Moonpool. Somewhere in the annals of history, StarClan's favor had shifted. Now again, Leafpool's kits stood poised to save them all. Onestar had been afraid for WindClan's place and Leopardstar had felt pity. Once long ago, RiverClan's place had been in doubt as familiar dark forces swept across the forest.
"Of course, Firestar. RiverClan is me, and I will always be indebted to you," I said. "Every warrior in RiverClan will be at your beck and call when you have need."
He smiled, whiskers drooped, and then he thanked me. "That's good," he said. "You were the first I talked to for an alliance. Things have been rough with WindClan, as I'm sure you know, and Blackstar is Blackstar."
"Blackstar is like that, yes," I said. I leaned against one of the broken stumps that made up the halfbridge. "He means well, but the ShadowClan is strong in him."
"I like to think we all represent our respective Clans," Firestar said. He leaned against another of the broken stumps, copying me, but he looked awkward in the position. His shoulder looked wrong and it wasn't because of his position against the wood.
"You're afraid, aren't you?" I said. It was easy to forget that Firestar was technically younger than me. I was his senior in age, if not in experience.
Firestar jerked and paused, mouth agape. Then he shook his head and smiled again. "Is it that obvious?" he said awkwardly. He looked grey, smiling like that. Somehow, the combination of sadness and youth made him look completely grey. More grey than I.
"No. I just know you too well by now. Fear is the correct response to Tigerstar coming back from the dead. I'd be more concerned that ThunderClan had completely gone into your head if you didn't feel any fear," I said. I looked out at the lake, not looking at anything particular.
"Mistystar, I'm absolutely terrified."
"Terrified for Sandstorm? For your family?" I said. Out in the lake, I spotted a tufted duck. It was just floating out on the water with its hatchlings.
"Sandstorm can handle herself. She's always weathered these things better than I. I'm terrified for everyone else. Tigerstar seemed invincible and omnipresent in my youth. He did so much damage because I couldn't stop him, and now the cats in the know barely seem afraid, as if this is just routine. I've given my whole life to StarClan. I've protected ThunderClan and the Clans from every threat I could see and find, but nothing about this is normal or routine," he said.
"Is Firestar's unbreakable confidence breaking?" I said teasingly. The duck mother from earlier had crested a small wave, disappearing over towards RiverClan's lakefront. It was doubtful that any of my warriors could catch it, but I was holding out hope.
"I usually make things up as I go," he said. His eyes followed mine, realizing what I was doing, and then he pointed toward a goose that I had missed earlier. "You can spot a variety of birds on the water if you take the time. I think they rest out there 'cause they know we can't hunt them out there."
"They're obviously plotting revenge against us. We've eaten them too many times, and now they're coming for us. They'll peck us to death with their beaks and carry us into the sky, dashing us against the rocks," I said.
Firestar laughed. I watched the floating goose. It seemed unbothered by everything as it sat bobbing in the small waves. Even we RiverClan cats couldn't float like that, invincible in the water. I breathed in the lake air and looked towards the warm sun. Tigerstar was coming back from the dead, and it was a fine day.
"I've concluded that you lied about your stories when in ThunderClan. There have never been any RiverClan necklaces," Firestar said. He was determined to break the silence and bird-watching. When we returned to our respective Clans, waiting for the oncoming storm, we'd both be swamped with duties. I so rarely had time for silence and birds during these sunrises, and Firestar was determined to end both. Thundercats.
"We keep them hidden from prying thundercats," I said, but my heart wasn't in the insult. I was prompting Firestar to continue and he knew it.
"And there were never any loners on the border during the occupation of TigerClan and BloodClan, and if there were, Longtail and Mousefur never interacted with them. I would've known. You were there and ThunderClan was carefully guarded and monitored with traitors like Darkstripe still about," he said. "You and Goldenflower never attacked RiverClan by your lonesome, and Goldenflower especially didn't desecrate Hawkfrost's corpse. I've been hearing the stories you've been telling at the Gatherings. Goldenflower wasn't even there when Hawkfrost died."
"She was there in spirit."
"Mistystar…."
I turned to look at him. "What would you like me to say, Firestar? That I lied? Because I didn't. That I have the mouth of a particularly chatty elder? Because I would take it as a compliment."
"Just saying that the facts may have been made up," he said. Even after all these seasons, he was still a minnow-brain. He didn't get it. And they all said that Firestar was the wisest cat in all of the Clans.
"The facts don't matter," I said. I looked back at the lake. The duck mother and her hatchlings were back. I was almost glad that she had survived drifting to shore in RiverClan territory. On the open water, the duck looked beautiful.
"I think most of the elders would disagree with you," Firestar said. I glanced at him. He still looked afraid. How had he borne the weight of leadership for so long? Could I?
"Oh, Firestar," I said. "I forget that you're younger than me sometimes with how you carry yourself, with the things you've done and seen. It's a crime that I'll outlive you. I suspect that I have more lives than you currently." I paused and Firestar didn't disagree. "The truth, Firestar, is that I've never lied. Blackclaw really did ask me to be his mate by giving me this most beautiful sandpiper bird. His mouth was full of feathers, and I kept one of them for a long time. Longtail really did give me a rabbit, though it might not have been from mysterious loners on the border."
"I suppose the rest of the details are just for the kits?"
"You've never been good with young cats," I said. "It's not to disparage you, but again, the facts don't matter. Blackclaw really did win me over with that bird, and I remember Longtail's simple act of kindness seasons later, even if he doesn't. I tell my stories the way I do because stories can be truer than reality. When cats remember Stonefur, I want cats to not only remember my brother for what he did, but I want them to feel what he felt. I want them to experience the same pain as I, so that when it's their turn, they make a different choice. My stories will be remembered long after I'm gone. I don't have the delusion that my deeds have or will change the Clans. I've left that to you."
There was silence. In the far, far distance, I spotted an eagle. It was getting mobbed by crows, so hopefully, it wouldn't be a threat later. Instead, I focused on the lakefront, watching the gentle waves lap against sand and stone. Parts of the lake were swamped in waterweed, though a particular section by the inlet was covered with floating flowers. I hadn't really paid attention to them before.
Live with something long enough and you barely notice it's there. You can live in a nest of cruelty and never see that something is wrong. You can grow up, fall in love, have kittens, and then only realize your people were poised to betray you at any time. Your home can feel eternal, and then it can be erased by the monster that was always out in the woods. But you could also miss the beauty too. You could live in the wild, struggling to survive every sunrise, and never notice how beautiful the water was in moonlight. You could miss the tiny signs of life in every direction, lost in death and suffering; you could forget that life was invincible.
Firestar seemed beaten down, nothing like the young tomcat that had helped rescue me so long ago. "The crises never stop, Mistystar," he said. "I realize now that I'm older that they'll never stop being Tigerstars. Even if I can get LionClan back together and we win, it won't be over. My daughters and grandkits will have to keep living in this world. They'll have to face down their own Tigerstars and Scourges. I'm not deaf, Mistystar, ever since I saw your mother descend into insanity. Everyone talks about how great I am, about how I'm the most extraordinary leader ThunderClan has ever seen, but I hear that, see that Tigerstar is back from the dead, think about everything we lost in The Great Journey, see Squirrelflight and Leafpool lying about their kits, and I think 'It's pointless.'"
I looked up to the clouds. They were perfect, snow white with crystal blue behind them. "I knew about Squirrelflight's secret. She confessed to me once. That story I never told anyone," I said. I paused, thinking carefully about my next words. "I wanted to give her a chance to do better than us, and if she failed, that she would learn. Mistakes are just another way StarClan teaches us to do better."
"You think that way about Stonefur now?"
"I do."
I knew that with irrefutable faith even as the weight of the After crashed upon my shoulders. Stonefur had died, but the mistake had been mine. It had taught me how to heal and how to do the impossible.
Firestar hummed, unsure. "You're that sure about my daughter?" He seemed in disbelief. It was as if he couldn't imagine someone having more faith in his kits than he himself. It was another cute flaw of his.
"Absolutely. Squirrelflight will face challenges and foes that would seem unimaginable to us, and depending on how we do in StarClan, we may or may not be there to help her. I've made peace with that. If there's one thing that the rivers have taught me over my life, it's that life keeps on living despite whatever we do," I said. I looked down at the lake. The water seemed clearer than ever before, but even still, at an inevitable spot, vision was lost in the murky darkness. I couldn't see past it no matter what I did.
Firestar's shoulders seemed to relax against the wood as resting came easier to him. It was a great weight lifted off his shoulders, I suspect, to know that I had more faith in the future than he did. Firestar had made friends with everyone in his youth, but now most of those connections were dead. Firestar had outlived them all somehow, despite his recklessness and lack of foresight. He was pure ThunderClan spirit and it was easy to see why StarClan had favored him for so long. He must have felt like he was getting left behind in the dust now.
"I always believed that a leader's nine lives were to be spent on others, not just for your own Clan but for the other Clans as well. One of the first things I remember when being brought into ThunderClan was that four Clans were living in the forest and that there had always been four. I know better now, but I still stand by that belief," Firestar said.
"You know better now?"
"That's another story," he said, not elaborating. He was talking about SkyClan, though I didn't know it at the time. Then he said: "Well, I still believe that a leader's life is best lived in the service of others. It's what Bluestar believed, and you should, as well. Take it from the more experienced leader between the two of us."
"You made up that bit about Bluestar. Bluestar was as traditionalist as they came."
"I didn't," he said, smilingly cheekingly, while lying through the teeth.
That's the trick, though, about stories. Something can be true and false at the same time. Something can be untrue and yet more true than fact. Firestar believed and that made me a believer as well.
We paused again, sitting in silence. Finally, Firestar was content to not interrupt. On the halfbridge, we watched the birds. We watched the lake's waves lap at the sand and stone. No matter what happened in the following sunrises, whether we won or all died, whether the return of TigerClan meant the end of everything we loved, we knew that life would continue on, either here or elsewhere. We knew that despite everything we had done, our kits would face challenges and threats that would baffle and confound us, and we just had to hope that they'd be okay. It was another weight off our shoulders, which sounds like a contradiction, simply praying that our kits would be okay, but we weren't the first to make that prayer. Bluestar had made that prayer once, and many cats that came before her as well. We had turned out okay. Some things could be contradictions in stories.
Finally, Firestar spoke up: "I believe that we both have places to be and warriors to organize. I suspect that these following sunrises will be exciting. I've got prophecies to figure out, and you've got to get RiverClan into fighting shape."
"Is that a jab at us fishfaces?" I asked.
"Mistystar, I'm the legendary Firestar." He was joking. He had to be. "I would never make a mean-spirited jab at a fellow leader of an enemy Clan. That would be mouse-brained and reckless." He stood up, back straight and tall, his fur glowing flame hot in the dusk. "We should depart. I've got to do my fatherly dues. I've been lazy about it recently and have to make sure my daughters make it through these following sunrises. After all, they're going to be better than me one sunrise. Your words, not mine!"
I laughed and let my friend escort me back to ShadowClan's territory. I would take the lakefront back around to RiverClan before Reedwhisker got tired of covering for me. I had important news for RiverClan about an upcoming battle. Firestar and his family didn't need to save the lake by themselves.
Firestar would give his last life fighting Tigerstar. It was an act of love and faith. He knew that the cats after him would continue his work, and if they failed, well, life would keep on living. Seasons later, Firestar's comment about our lives being meant to be given in the service of others would inspire me to face down Ashfur in the Dark Forest.
That's another story that some other cat will have to tell.
A/N: Mistyfoot's Legacy is finished, and with it, all of my pre-written work. It'll be a while before I post something again, but I want to thank everyone who's been leaving reviews. I'll be around to answer any questions, but in the meantime, I'll be deciding on what I'll be writing next!