The final chapter! Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me on this one.
I appreciate all the reviews, feedback and encouragement - honestly, it means the world to me!
Chapter Seven:
The road not taken looks real good now.
December 31, 2003.
She didn't call.
He had spent days trying to pinpoint exactly where he had lost her, only to realise he had never really had her.
From the moment he had seen her he felt a connection, felt this magnetic draw that he hadn't felt with anyone else in a very long time. He had managed to convince himself that she must have felt it too.
That's why she kept coming back, he had told himself.
Obviously, he was wrong.
He could take a hint: had vowed not to waste any more time thinking about it, thinking about her. But that was easier said than done when everything reminded him of her in one way or another. Even here, in Edward Dalton's chic, luxurious home, surrounded by a sea of strangers all he could think about was the woman he would forever dub the one who got away.
The opulence of this party was a stark contrast to the simplicity of his time with Kate but still, she was everywhere.
In the crystal chandelier that hung from Dalton's 12ft high ceiling, sparkling as bright as the playful glimmer in her eyes.
In the laughter that roared through the room that seemed dull in comparison but brought a wave of memories to the forefront of his mind: her smile; the quiet, restrained chuckle that progressively became hearty, joyous laughter; her hand on his arm as she listened to the jokes and exaggerated stories he told in an effort to draw that sound from her again and again.
In the champagne he drank; each sip sweet and zesty, the taste of their first kiss. He had hoped the bubbles would be as effective in dulling his mind, that they would drown out the memories of her as easily as she had drowned out everything else. But she had intoxicated him in a way that alcohol never would; never could.
When she left, she left him haunted by the what if's.
"Richard?" A woman's voice pulled him from his misery.
He blinked a few times as he searched for the source of the sound, smiled when his gaze landed on an old acquaintance.
"Sadie," he greeted the woman with enthusiasm. Faked, of course, but apparently convincing. "How are you?"
The woman opened her arms, embraced him in a familial hug.
"I've been well," she said as she squeezed him tight. When she pulled back she looked up at him with a sympathetic head tilt that told him he must have looked as out of sorts as he felt. "How about you, Rick?"
"I have been-" He paused, tried to gauge just how hard he had to sell his answer. Sadie's emerald eyes sparkled as she awaited his answer, a genuine curiosity slicing through pity he had assumed brought her over to him. "I've been doing really well, actually."
His old friend perked up, a wide smile lit up her face, and he realised that projecting his bad mood on others wasn't going to help him get out of this funk.
"Things have been fairly quiet for me lately," he told her, starting his first welcomed conversation of the night.
He could get over this, he just had to try.
She noticed him within minutes of her arrival, talking to small group of people.
He was the life of the party, it seemed; smiling and laughing, sipping champagne, sharing lively anecdotes about his work. And for a second (that felt like an eternity) she would have sworn her heart stopped.
It didn't skip a beat, didn't flutter. Stopped.
She had spent the past week second guessing herself. It had been all too easy to convince herself not to call, that he could never actually care about her in the way she needed. In the way she wanted. But there had been this quiet yet persistent voice in the back of her mind that had told her she made a mistake. You could be happy, it had repeated like a mantra. He could make you happy. Slowly, she had started to believe it; started to think that maybe - if she'd just take that leap and call him - they'd actually have a chance.
But this was all the proof she needed: he was fine. He probably hadn't given their time together a second thought. Probably wouldn't even stop to say hi if he passed her in the street. Or at a party...
No, she had done herself a favour and ended whatever they had been before it had a chance to spiral out of control, before she had a chance to really fall for him.
Before she had a chance to really get hurt.
"Do I really need to be here?" she mumbled to her cousin, Sofia.
She was here for moral support, apparently. Sofia had been friends with Edward Dalton and Francesca Dalton (formerly Francesca Amato) in college and, after several years of estrangement, they were just starting to reconnect again. Sofia had been thrilled when Francesca reached out several months ago, but had told Kate that she felt she was still 'earning her place'.
Please, Katie? I have to go - it would be rude not to! But I don't want to be standing awkwardly by myself all night while the only people I know are busy hosting and socialising. Please, please, please...
Never, not even once, in her entire life had Kate seen Sofia awkwardly standing by herself at a party. Her cousin was a social butterfly - it came much more naturally to Sofia than it did Kate - but Kate had never been able to say no to her, not after everything Sofia had done for her as they grew up. And so, here she was, suffering through a party she didn't want to be at with people she didn't know, actively trying to avoid the man who had occupied her every thought since that first chance encounter at the rink.
"Yes! You do!" Sofia linked her arm through Kate's and led her further into her friend's home. "Isn't this place gorgeous?" she gushed as she looked around with wide eyes. "Why wouldn't you want to be here?"
Kate's focus wandered across the room, landed on her reason. He was dressed up to the nines: a well-fitted tuxedo; perfectly coiffed hair and his best accessory, that charming smile that set flight to a hundred butterflies in the pit of Kate's stomach. He looked good and she'd be lying if she said there wasn't a part of her that wanted to make her presence known, to pretend she didn't know better just to see where this night could take them.
She sighed and looked back at her cousin. "Remember the guy I was telling you about?"
Sofia's eyes widened, jaw dropped as she quietly gasped. "Is he here?" Her eyes darted around the room, examining the crowd as she tried to determine which one of the hundred men at this party could have been the guy. "You have to introduce us!"
"Not a chance," Kate replied instantly.
Sofia narrowed her eyes. "You ruin all my fun," she complained. She unlinked their arms, curled her fingers around Kate's hand instead, and tugged her toward a small group of people gathered to the side. "Let's mingle."
Kate knew there was no truth to Sofia's complaint. They bickered like siblings, but they were solid: best friends since childhood. There was a part of her that did want to introduce her to Rick: that same, stupid part of her that still hoped they could be something more. She turned to follow her cousin but before allowing herself to be pulled through the sea of people that surrounded them, she risked one more glance in Rick's direction.
She looked back over her shoulder to where he had been standing and expected to see him telling a story or laughing at some joke; instead, she was met by crystal blue eyes that locked to hers and a small, uncertain smile. Before she could even fully register what was happening Sofia began to walk away - still holding into Kate's hand - and Kate was forced to look away, to focus on moving her feet so that she didn't end up falling on her face.
By the time she regained her bearings - her brain finally catching up to the fact that she was moving - and she looked back to find Rick, he was gone.
An hour and a half later, Sofia had all but ditched her.
Not that Kate blamed her.
Her extraverted cousin was in her element; meeting new people, laughing and telling stories. A mirror image of Rick.
Rick...
The two seemed to be working opposite sides of the room, so Kate was able to avoid him as she stuck close to Sofia. She lingered among the ever-changing group of people that would interact with Sofia, throwing in a well-timed laugh or enthusiastic nod every now and then to make it seem like she was a part of the discussion; but Rick had stolen the majority of her attention and the more she tried to ignore his presence, the harder that seemed to do.
She felt pathetic, like a schoolgirl with a secret crush but as she watched him she couldn't help but notice he kept looking around the room, too. She saw him excuse himself from his conversation and begin to weave through the crowd, his head turning left and right as he scanned the crowd.
She wasn't sure if the two glasses of champagne she had consumed made her brave or stupid, but she quietly excused herself and moved in his direction.
The pounding of her heart grew stronger, faster, with each step she took.
He was very obviously looking for someone; what gave her the nerve to think that she was that someone? She told him that she would call: she didn't. What if he was angry? Upset that she had broken a promise?
But what if he didn't care? Somehow, that seemed worse.
By the time she was standing behind him, her heart was beating so fast it felt like it had climbed up into her throat. He still hadn't seen her; she could turn around and leave, he would never know that she was a coward. But the bravery - or was it stupidity? - overcame the nerves and she cleared her throat.
"Looking for someone?"
Rick turned around, a smile on his face, and finally she was able to breathe again.
"Kate," he breathed out. "I knew I wasn't seeing things!" he practically cheered.
His smile was bright, eyes glimmered with something she knew to be more than just a champagne haze.
He was happy to see her; relief washed over her.
"What are you doing here?" he asked.
She understood his curiosity: the Dalton's weren't exactly her people. In fact, if Sofia hadn't received a scholarship to Columbia University their path's probably never would have crossed.
Kate smiled and looked back over to Sofia. "I'm a plus one."
Rick followed her line of sight until his attention settled on a woman engaging in a very animated conversation with the party's hosts.
"Ah, Sofia."
Kate's attention snapped back to Rick, curious eyes searched his facial expression for answers to the question she hadn't asked.
He looked back at her, smiled softly.
"Do you know her?" she asked hesitantly.
"No," Rick answered with the shake of his head. "But several people have mentioned that she tells a good story. You know, very subtle hints that I might want to go introduce myself to her."
Kate's stomach churned at the scenario that swirled in her mind: Rick and Sofia meeting at this party, hitting it off and-
"What about you?" she asked, mentally shaking off that train of thought. "How do you know the Dalton's?"
How, out of all the parties in the city tonight, did they somehow end up at the same one?
"Oh, Ed's daughter is in the same class as Alexis; they've become quite good friends," he explained. "So, while they're having their own New Year's Eve party upstairs-" He pointed a finger to the ceiling and Kate instinctively looked up before dropping her gaze back to his face. "I'm trying to be an adult and not look like I'd rather be upstairs watching The Cheetah Girls with a bunch of nine-year-olds."
Kate brought her hand up to cover her smile as she laughed. "I didn't have you pegged as a Cheetah Girl fan."
"I'm more a dodging crowds of people I don't really know fan," he corrected.
That was certainly something she could understand.
Kate shrugged. "You know me," she said, a little shy.
Rick smiled. "And boy am I glad you showed up," he said; his voice a mix of flirtatious and sincere.
His eyes raked over her slowly and suddenly she was grateful for the skin-tight, black mini dress that Sofia had picked out for her to wear. When his eyes returned to hers they were dark; his voice husky as he spoke.
"You look good."
Heat spread under her skin and she could feel it pooling in her cheeks.
"You're not too bad yourself," she complimented, noting the changes in her own voice.
His stare was shameless, eyes glued to her with scorching intensity. She could feel the tension growing: the atmosphere between them, thick; the coil in her stomach winding tighter as each second passed and each inhaled breath felt was slower, heavier than the last. In her mind she wasn't in a crowded room at a too fancy party, she was back in Rick's loft, just the two of them, ready to give him the best of her.
As much as she had wanted it to be, as hard as she had tried to convince herself, she knew that she wasn't over this. Whatever this was.
"Kate-"
Rick reached out, tentatively touched his fingertips to her forearm but she pulled away quickly, as if his touched burned her.
"Did you say Alexis was here?" she asked, eager for a distraction.
"Uh, yeah. She's upstairs."
Kate hesitated, wasn't sure if the idea that had sparked in her mind was a good idea or not. But she needed a moment to compose herself - to remember the week of mental torment she had just endured and remind herself not to put herself through that again - and, so, she continued.
"Do you think she would mind if I crashed her party to say hi?"
Rick smiled. "I think she would love that."
He tilted his head toward the staircase and started to walk over. Kate followed close by, but was sure to keep a safe amount of distance between them.
A security guard - part of a small team that Kate had noticed scattered throughout the home - stood at the bottom of the staircase. Rick pulled his sleeve up to show the man a green wristband. The guard nodded and let them past.
"Are the girls guarding priceless artifacts or something?" Kate joked as they began their ascent.
"Not that I'm aware of," he laughed. "But Mrs Dalton does have a fondness for diamonds and pearls. If I had a couple hundred people partying in my home I'd probably hire someone to keep an eye on my million dollar jewels, too."
"That's a fair point," Kate conceded as she looked over her shoulder to the guard who had let them pass without question. She turned her attention back to Rick. "So- the wristband?"
"There's a dozen girls up here," he told her as they stepped up onto the landing. "The parents who were invited to stay were all given these bands so that we can come up and check on the kids if we need to. This way."
He led her down a short corridor that led them to frosted glass French doors. Sitting on their side of the closed doors - with her back pressed to the wall, legs crossed and her nose buried in a book - was a young woman, probably only a few years younger than Kate, dressed in flannel pyjamas and fluffy slippers.
"Banished from the party, are we?" Rick asked with a boisterous smile as they approached.
The woman looked up at him and smiled brightly. She had that girl next door kind of energy: a natural beauty; sweet and wholesome; would rather be upstairs reading a romance novel and babysitting a dozen kids than downstairs at the party. Everything about her was unassuming and kindly, completely unthreatening. And yet, when she closed her book, placed it to the side and held her hands out for Rick to pull her to her feet Kate felt a stab of something entirely unpleasant in her chest.
"The girls are busy choreographing a dance routine," she explained in a too bubbly tone as she stood in front of Rick. "Apparently I'm not allowed to see until it has been fully perfected."
"Think they'll mind if I interrupted for a moment?"
She pursed her lips, tapped her finger to her chin as she pretended to think. "I'm sure they won't mind," she assured him sweetly.
Rick thanked her and made his way toward the doors, snuck a peek through the slight gap where they hadn't closed properly. With a smile he turned his attention to Kate and waved her over.
"Look at her," he whispered proudly.
He stepped aside so that Kate could take his place and peek through the doors. On the other side she saw Alexis and her friends prancing around the room, twirling and skipping as they sung a song that she did not recognise.
Kate sighed contentedly at the sight, felt her heart swell in her chest as laughter erupted on the other side of the doors. She couldn't remember the last time her heart had felt this full.
"She's precious," she whispered. She turned her head to look at Rick, surprised to find his gaze already on her. "What?"
He shook his head slowly, but couldn't stop the smile that tugged on the corners of his mouth. "Nothing."
He tapped his knuckles against the door twice and Kate took a step back.
"Evening ladies," he greeted cheerfully as he pushed the doors open a little more and poked his head into the room. "Mind if I come in for a second?"
Alexis groaned and Kate had to press her fingertips to her lips to restrain her smile.
"Dad, I'm fine!" the girl insisted, her voice laced with frustration. "You don't have to check in on me."
"I know that," Rick assured his daughter. "But I ran into someone downstairs who wanted to say hello."
He pushed the door open a fraction more and held his hand out to Kate in invitation.
She moved closer and craned her neck to see around the door.
"Hey, Alexis."
The girl's face lit up. "Kate!"
She jumped down from the coffee table (that she had been using as a makeshift stage for her performance) and rushed toward Kate.
Kate lowered herself to her knees just in time for Alexis to crash against her and wrap her arms around her shoulders.
She had never been a 'kid person'. She didn't dislike them by any means, she had just never really spent much time with them; didn't see the appeal, she supposed. But there was something so endearing in the way Rick's daughter squeezed her tight and whispered a mumbled I hoped I would see you again into her shoulder. She wrapped her arms around the girl's tiny frame and held her close.
"Me too," she confessed.
They stayed just long enough to say hello and watch a full run-through of the dance the girls had been working on before they had interrupted.
Kate would have happily stayed there for the rest of the night - and she knew by the flicker of pride in Rick's eyes as he watched his daughter laugh and play with her friends that he wouldn't have had any objections to doing just that - but the last thing either one of them wanted to do was cramp the girl's style.
So, they reluctantly headed back downstairs to re-join the party.
As they descended the stairs Kate scanned the party-goers in search of Sofia. She smiled when she spotted her cousin in the very centre of the room, shamelessly vivacious in her interactions. It was in the Beckett genes, for sure. Even her father - who was a much more solemn in demeanour - knew how to spin a story and work the room.
Networking is vital, Katie, he would always say. You've got to make them remember you.
And Sofia sure knew how to be memorable.
As they reached the bottom of the stairs, Kate touched the back of her hand to Rick's arm to gain his attention.
"Do you mind if I stick with you for a bit?" she asked.
He had no objections, of course. In fact, the idea of being at the same party as Kate and not spend the rest of the night by her side hadn't even flickered in the very back of his mind. He was here with her now. She just apparently hadn't realised that yet.
Rick held out his hand. "May I get you a drink?" he asked with a crooked smile.
She looked down at his proffered hand, smiled to herself before slipping her fingers into his palm.
"I would like that."
They fell into a rhythm with ease; circling the room and mingling with the other party guests as if attending social events together had been something they had done for years.
The familiarity that had bloomed between them in private was just as strong in a crowded room. This was only confirmed by each surprised look or comment of disbelief when someone would ask how long they had been together, only to be answered with a friendly chuckle and the insistence that they'd only just met recently, actually.
"Maybe we were acquainted in a past life," Rick had theorised playfully when Francesca Dalton had posed a similar version of the same question.
The three of them had laughed it off and moved on with their polite (if only slightly obligatory) conversation, but the comment had stuck in the back of Kate's mind.
"Do you really believe that?" she asked once the two of them were alone again.
Well, as alone as you can be in a crowded room.
"Believe what?" he asked, slightly absentmindedly.
Someone from across the room had caught his attention. He smiled and waved, then returned his focus to Kate and awaited her clarification.
"The past life thing."
"Do you?" he asked without a seconds hesitation.
She tilted her head and narrowed her eyes, bit back the all too tempting I asked you first.
"I know you don't believe in fate," he said and the memory of their discussion in his bathroom flashed in her mind. "So I'm going to assume you don't believe in the past life thing."
"I'm not so stubborn as to think that just because I don't personally believe in something it can't possibly be real or true," she defended. "I was just wondering if you genuinely believed what you said or if you were just joking."
"It was just a light-hearted comment; meant to be a joke," Rick admitted. "But I'm not opposed to the idea, you know?" He shrugged and shifted from one foot to the other, dropping his eyes to stare at the floor. "It explains why I felt the way I did, so quickly."
The momentary flutter of butterflies in her core was brought to a sudden end, replaced as quickly as they came by the stabbing pain of guilt and regret.
Why I felt the way I did, not why I feel the way I do.
He was a writer, articulate and eloquent; his words were no mistake.
"Right," she said as she tucked a tendril of hair behind her ear; an attempt to buy herself a few precious seconds to gather her thoughts.
But before she had a chance to respond Rick looked over her shoulder, his attention stolen by something in the distance.
"Katie!" She heard the voice call over the crowd.
Kate turned, still a little dazed, to face her cousin.
"Soph," she said softly, trying to hide the hurt in her tone of voice.
Sofia placed her hand on Kate's cheek, gave her a concerned look before quickly glancing over Kate's shoulder to Rick.
"Hi, sorry to interrupt," she said before returning her attention to Kate. "Did you still want to leave?" she asked, her voice soft enough that only Kate could hear.
"Are you ready?" Kate asked in response.
"Um, no." Sofia hesitated slightly. "But you stuck it out for me for a few hours and so, I thought if you still weren't really feeling it-"
"Has it really been that long?" Kate interrupted and looked down at her watch, shocked to see that it was almost midnight already.
Wow, that went by quick.
She looked back at Sofia and smiled. "I'm fine," she said with a soft shake of her head. "Don't worry about me. Just go and have fun, come find me when you're ready."
Sofia stepped closer, wrapped her arms around Kate's shoulders and brought her in for a hug.
"Are you sure?" she whispered.
"Of course," Kate replied as she wrapped her arms around Sofia and gave her a gentle squeeze.
Sofia pulled back and smiled at Kate.
"So?" she drawled as her smile morphed into a mischievous smirk. She tilted her head toward Rick. "Is this him?"
Kate sighed, closed her eyes and pressed her face into her palms as if they could hide her away.
"I'll take that as a yes!" Sofia said victoriously.
She stepped around her cousin, closer to the mystery man that had watched their entire interaction with curiosity in his eyes.
"Sofia Beckett," she introduced herself with a bright smile.
She extended her hand and, when Kate turned around she watched Rick take it without hesitation, an amused smile on his face.
"Wonderful to meet you, Sofia," he said with the same charming voice he had used on every other guest he had met throughout the night. "I'm Rick Castle."
Kate held her breath, waited for recognition to spark for her cousin. It didn't take long.
Sofia's eyes widened as she sucked in a short breath. "The author?" she asked excitedly.
"Yep, that's him," Kate answered the question that wasn't directed at her. She stepped forward, placed her hand on Sofia's wrist to break her connection with the writer. "Weren't you just, like, quickly checking in? I'd hate to keep you from socialising."
"I am socialising, Katie," Sofia teased. "I love your books," she told Rick.
"Oh, thank you."
"Sofia." A man spoke to gain her attention, placed his hand on her lower back once he was within reaching distance. "Are you coming?"
"I'll be there in just a minute," she told him.
As the man walked away Sofia looked at Kate, a guilty look in her eyes.
Kate shook her head, bit down on her lip gently to hide her smirk.
"I almost felt guilty for making you feel like you had to leave early for me."
"I'm sorry." Sofia sighed but the smile on her face wasn't indicative of feeling sorry at all. "I honestly thought you'd be relieved that you didn't have to stay."
Kate rolled her eyes. "Do you even know him?"
Sofia's jaw dropped theatrically and she let out a huff of air that sounded like a choked laugh.
"Are you kidding me?" she demanded. "Please, remind me how well you know-"
"Okay, okay!" Kate blurted, cutting her cousin off before she could finish that thought. "That was a little hypocritical of me," she admitted.
"A little?" Sofia snarked.
"Go. Have fun. Be safe!"
Instantly, Sofia's slack-jawed expression was replaced with a smile.
"I know you're only a buzzkill because you care," she teased. She stepped into Kate's space again and pressed a friendly kiss to her cheek. "You're gonna be right to get home safely?"
"I'll be fine."
"You'll make sure of that, right Rick?"
Kate glared at her cousin. "Sof-"
"Of course I will," Rick answered, cutting off Kate's protest.
Sofia smiled. "Enjoy the rest of your night," she sung cheerily as she began to walk away.
Kate watched as Sofia made her way through the crowd, seemingly collecting people as she did, until a group of at least a dozen walked out the front door.
"She seems like fun," Rick stated as he stepped up beside Kate and placed his hand on her lower back.
Kate smiled to herself. "Yeah, she is. When she's not completely stressing me out," she said with a hint of a laugh.
"Bit of a free spirit?" he surmised.
"Compared to the rest of my family, yeah." Kate turned to face Rick. "You don't- I, um. I'm fine to get home," she eventually spat out the words.
The last thing she wanted was for Rick to feel burdened by her, tasked with the unwanted job of getting her home. She was more than capable of catching a cab by herself. But Rick just smiled and shook his head.
"Nonsense," he insisted. "I don't break my promises."
Once again, Kate couldn't help but read into his words.
I don't break my promises. But she did.
She refused to let this night end on a bad note. She wasn't about to ring in the new year with a mind clouded by regret.
"I'm sorry," she blurted randomly.
Rick looked away from the screen that would soon display the countdown to the new year, his brow furrowed and lips pursed.
"I'm sorry that I didn't call," she clarified.
His expression softened and his eyes darted around to make sure no one was listening to them. Thankfully, everyone seemed too distracted to care. He grabbed her hand and led her toward the balcony.
The air was like ice against the thin fabric of her dress and, when Rick dropped her hand, she wrapped her arms around her torso to try and protect herself from the icy bite of the wind.
"Why didn't you?" he asked as he slipped his jacket from his shoulders.
He cloaked the jacket over her shoulders and she closed her eyes, took a moment to inhale the comforting scent of him just as she had that night when she fell asleep in his shirt. When she opened her eyes he was still watching her, studying each micro expression that crossed her face, and she could see the hurt she had caused.
"I was confused, I guess."
The confession was weak. She knew it wasn't nearly enough to satisfy him, but it was the truth.
She didn't understand why being with him had been such a battle for her, why every time they found themselves falling into a natural rhythm she would freak out and shut down on him. She didn't understand how he had torn her into two halves: one that was determined to keep him at an arms length and one that wanted nothing more than to pull him close and hold him tight, to never let go. She didn't understand why she found it so completely impossible to just admit that she felt something here, that she liked him, liked the way he made her feel. But the part she found most puzzling, the question that just wouldn't leave her mind, even now, was why hadn't he run for the hills yet? She had given him every reason to give up on this, give up on them, but he didn't.
Part of her wanted to believe that he wouldn't, that he could be something she could rely on, someone she could trust. But the doubt in her mind - the caution she had relied on to keep herself from getting hurt again - met his every reassurance with contradictory justifications.
They say actions speak louder than words but nothing is louder than a broken heart determined to keep itself safe.
"Confused?" he pried.
"You weren't supposed to be anything more than a distraction." Kate sighed. "Just... a way to numb the pain."
"Didn't I do that?"
On the other side of the sliding glass door that separated them from the rest of the party, people began to chant the countdown.
Ten.
Nine.
Eight.
Kate took a deep breath and shook her head slightly. "No. You didn't."
Rick looked at her, sadness etched into the lines of his face.
Seven.
Six.
Five.
"In a matter of hours you managed to crack open this protective shield I'd kept around myself," she explained.
Four.
Three.
"For the first time in so long... I felt everything."
Two.
"It was beautiful. And painful. And entirely too much for me to process. I just wanted my shield back, I wanted to feel nothing."
One.
The party inside erupted in celebration.
"Happy New Year!" they all cheered.
Some kissed their partners. Some applauded and sang.
Rick remained silent.
"I'm sorry," Kate said again, hoping he could feel the sincerity in her words.
She stared into his eyes and waited for his response. Forgiveness, she hoped. But she would accept whatever Rick decided.
He brought his hand up to her face, gently pressed his palm to her cheek. His touch was warm, she couldn't help but lean into it. He leant forward, brushed his lips to hers hesitantly before giving in and brushing a soft, chaste kiss to her lips.
The kiss was over too soon, felt too much like goodbye to offer her any sort of reassurance.
"Happy New Year, Kate," he said softly. "I, uh- I should get Alexis home."
Kate felt herself deflate as Rick stepped around her, the last sliver of hope she held on to draining from her body.
"Can you, uh, tell her I said goodnight?" she asked as she turned to watch him walk away.
Rick stopped at the door, looked over his shoulder. "Are you still confused?"
She could have lied to buy herself a little time to make things right; it wouldn't be the first time.
"A little," she admitted. "Mostly just... scared."
Rick nodded, considered her words carefully for a moment before sliding open the door. The muffled sounds of music, conversations and laughter became clearer, louder.
"You could come tell her yourself," he suggested before stepping back into the warmth of the Dalton's home, leaving the sliding door open behind him.
Kate smiled to herself, followed him inside.
January 01, 2004.
"Where are we going?" Kate asked as she followed Rick down the quiet alleyway just down the road from the Dalton's residence.
When Rick had scooped his sound-asleep little girl into his arms, Kate had scurried to assist and grabbed the small pile of items that belonged to Alexis; her backpack, a stuffed animal, a handful of craft projects that had been created throughout the night and, finally, the slippers that had dropped from the girl's feet as Rick propped her heavy head on his shoulder and wrapped her legs around his waist.
I'll help you get all of this, she had said with a shy smile.
They both knew this was just (yet another) attempt to delay their goodbyes.
Rick looked over his shoulder and smiled reassuringly. "There was no street parking available when I arrived," he informed her, slightly out of breath as he carried his daughter. "My car is just down here."
"Are you sure you're right to drive?"
Rick stopped and Kate, who had been momentarily distracted by the sleepy smile on his daughter's face, almost ran right into him.
She looked up at him, noted a hint of something in his eyes.
"I've only had two drinks tonight," he assured her; his voice firm. "The last one was almost three hours ago now. Yeah, I'm right to drive."
Kate sighed. "I didn't mean to insinuate anything," she said apologetically.
But that something in his eyes softened and she knew he understood; her caution wasn't personal.
"I know."
They kept walking, just a few yards, until they reached the end of the alleyway and found Rick's car parked around the corner. He reached blindly to open the back door, but Kate hurried past him.
"I've got it," she said as she tugged it open.
"Thanks."
He carefully lowered Alexis into the seat, buckled her belt and positioned her head to rest comfortably against the cushiony seatbelt cover. He took the backpack and other items from Kate, tossed them across to the other seat and then tucked Alexis's stuffed animal under her arm before closing the door gently.
"With a little luck I'll be able to get her to bed without waking her," he said with a smile and held his crossed fingers up.
Kate chuckled. "I wish you luck."
Silence washed over them as they realised they had reached the crossroads they had been trying to avoid. They had to make a decision; to answer the question that had been swirling in their minds all night.
What next?
Do they say goodnight and go their separate ways, never to see each other again? Or was tonight another fateful intervention; a sign that they should give this a chance? A proper chance.
Rick looked down, focused on the pavement between them. Just one small step and he would be able to wrap his arms around her waist, pull her closer. He could whisper in her ear, tell her he didn't want to say goodbye. But he had been the one to do that last time; he took that leap, clung to something he thought was real only to be left with the bitter taste of rejection lingering on his tastebuds when she had left him hanging.
Don't do it, he silently warned himself, as he had each time he had picked up his phone over the past week to call her. It's not worth it.
He was probably right; that had been his experience. Not worth it. But when he forced himself to look back into her eyes - the perfect blend of honey gold and moss green, brightened by an undeniable shimmer of hope - he decided, without a doubt, that the risk would be better than living a lifetime of what if...
"I don't want to say goodbye," he said, putting an end to the silence. "Not again. Not yet."
Kate was surprised. She had figured that he wouldn't risk giving her another chance.
She smiled, an overdue confession ready to spill from her lips. "Me neither."
Rick took a step closer to her. His hands fell to her waist and she brought hers up to rest on his forearms.
"I'd love nothing more than to bring you home with me tonight," he admitted before looking over his shoulder to check on his daughter, still peacefully asleep. "But-"
Kate shook her head and cut him off before he could finish his thought. "I understand."
He looked back at her. "She can't know about this."
Kate nodded, dropped her eyes away from the intensity of his gaze to focus on the subtle patterns in the fabric of his tie, to brace herself for the goodbye.
"I just wouldn't want you to get the wrong idea," he continued. "Because, if you were to come home with me, I would have to ask you to leave before she wakes."
She felt relief flutter in her chest.
"Seems reasonable to me," she said.
"Good," he declared before moving to the other side of his car and pulling open the passenger's door. "Get in."
"I didn't say I would come," she teased and Rick dropped his gaze to the ground, fidgeted with the keys in his hand.
"I'm happy to drive you home," he said as he shrugged nonchalantly. He lifted his eyes to meet hers and his lips curled into a smug grin. "If that's what you really want."
She bit down on her lip as she considered his offer - for only the briefest moment - before walking toward his car and slipping into the passenger's seat.
Once Rick had joined her and buckled himself into his seat, he looked over to her.
"Address?" he asked her.
She glared at him through the corner of her eyes. She could tell by the smug tone of his question that he knew she had no intention to go home.
"Just drive," she sneered. "Before I change my mind."
But they both knew she wouldn't.
Once again, Kate followed Rick as he carried his daughter up to the loft, distracted by the sweet smile that curled the corners of the girl's mouth. She couldn't help but wonder what the girl might be dreaming about.
As the entered his home, he turned to her and whispered. "You can just dump all that on the couch, I'll fix it in the morning."
Kate nodded and walked toward the couch, began placing the items down on the cushions as Rick began his journey upstairs. He stopped after just a few steps.
"Actually, can you bring Monkey Bunkey up, please?"
Kate pulled a well-loved, fluffy monkey from Alexis's belongings.
"Monkey Bunkey, I assume," she said as she held the toy up for Rick to see.
"That's him," Rick confirmed before continuing to walk upstairs.
Kate followed close by, used his silhouette to guide her through the darkness of the loft's second storey until they reached the bedroom at the very end of the hallway.
Rick pushed the door open with his hip and the soft glow of Alexis's bedside lamp gently illuminated the hall.
As he placed his daughter down on her bed, Kate placed the monkey on the bedside table and exited the bedroom to give them some privacy. It was a simple moment - just a father tucking his daughter into bed - but it felt entirely too familial for her to be a part of.
She made her way back down the hallway, toward the staircase but the lighting from the girl's bedroom brought Kate's attention to the wall opposite the room, decorated with an assortment of framed portraits. In the very centre, framed in gold, was an enlarged photograph of a teenaged Rick and a beautiful girl who looked too much like Alexis for Kate to not instantly know who it was.
Kate couldn't help herself; she reached out and touched the frame as she studied the image it bordered.
The girl - Meredith - was gorgeous. Long red hair, a dazzling smile and a fun, colourful outfit that perfectly complemented her complexion. Kate knew her type: the girl that everyone thought they wanted to be; the one that had a bright future and made every success look effortless; the one that struggled, just like everyone else, but felt the constant pressure never let anyone see that side of her. Yes, Kate knew the type well.
She took note of the way Meredith's arms wrapped around Rick; the way his younger self looked at her with so much adoration as she smiled for the camera. They could have had a wonderful life. They could have had it all, had things been different.
"I keep it up for Alexis," Rick stated, startling Kate.
She dropped her hand from the frame, turned to face him.
"It's a nice photo," she said.
She tried to keep her voice devoid of emotion; she didn't want to come across as judgemental, or jealous, or even just curious in any way. She didn't want to show any sign of feeling at all, despite the many conflicting ones that swirled in her chest at the proudly displayed portrait of young love.
He didn't owe her any kind of explanation as to why it hung in the very centre of the wall. And she knew she had no right to ask for one.
But still, he continued.
"It's one of the only pictures I had of Meredith," he explained as he looked at the younger version of the mother of his child. He smiled reminiscently. "I always wanted Alexis to know her, I guess. To see her every day, to see the resemblance."
He peeled his eyes from the photograph and looked back at Kate.
"I remember, as a kid, all I ever wanted was-" He sighed. "Just a photo. One photo so that I could look at and recognise the shape of my ears or the slight turn of my nose."
He looked back up to the photo on the wall and Kate's eyes followed, studying the picture again.
There was no denying the resemblance between Alexis and her mother. Particularly the nose and lips, almost a perfect carbon copy.
"I wasn't going to let her live the same childhood I did," he commented more solemnly.
Kate looked at Rick, smiled softly when she found his eyes already on her.
"Alexis is a lucky girl," she said sincerely.
Rick reached out, tangled his fingers through Kate's.
"Come on."
He moved toward the staircase, led her down to the living area.
"I've been thinking about what you said," he told her once they came to a stop. "About being scared."
Kate sighed and looked down at their hands, still intertwined. She gave him a gentle squeeze in lieu of words.
"I don't know how to take that fear away," he said solemnly. "I wish I could."
"I know," she whispered.
He slipped one hand from hers, placed his finger under her chin and tilted her head up so she would look at him.
"I'm not asking for a commitment," he assured her. "I know that you can't dive right into this right now. I understand why and I don't blame you for being scared to let someone in."
Kate nodded. She believed, wholeheartedly, that he understood her. Better than anyone else ever had.
"But there's something here. I feel it and I know that you do, too."
He closed his eyes and leant his forehead against hers.
They stood, eyes closed, breathing each other in for several moments before he spoke again.
"All I'm asking is that you try. Don't run from this."
Kate shook her head slowly. "What if I don't know how?"
Running was all she had ever done.
Rick pulled away, looked into her eyes and smiled reassuringly.
"You approached me tonight," he reminded her. "Seems like a good start."
His fingertips ghosted along her jawline before combing through her hair. He pulled her in, kissed her tenderly.
Gradually, their kiss intensified: slowly burning passion; so reverent, so affectionate.
Kate shimmied her shoulders, let his jacket fall to the floor.
Rick pushed against her gently, encouraged her to move with him as he led her toward the bedroom. A hand pressed to her lower back, smoothed up her spine as she arched her back and pushed her body closer to his. He pulled on the zipper between her shoulder blades and slid it back down her spine before slipping the dress from her shoulders and letting it fall to the floor.
He broke away from her mouth, stepped back just enough to let his darkened gaze rake over her exposed body.
Slowly, she began to undress him, too.
There was no urgency in their movements; the desperation from last time nowhere to be found.
They weren't clinging to a fleeting moment, trying desperately to prolong it's short life.
No, this time it was different. They were different.
This was just the beginning.
The end.