The five of us basically sprant to where the other group was, Rick was taking Tyreese there so Carol could help him. She learnt several things from Hershel and Maggie could help as well. We weren't sure why we had to wait instead of getting to them but those were the orders.

"Carol?"

"Yes?" she said through the Walkie-Talkie.

"Come," Rick said, his voice wasn't rushing any more. He wasn't panting, he wasn't losing his shit anymore and we knew. Tyreese had died. Rick told us where they were and we wasted no time getting inside or on the vehicles and driving to where we should find the rest of our group.

Some minutes later, we saw them. We were on the motorcycle with Daryl and we were ahead of the car with the others. Rick was on one side of the road, looking down, he had a hand on his waist.

Noah was sitting on the other side, hugging his knees. Michonne was just standing in the middle of the road, her back facing us and Glenn was kneeling next to her right in front of someone laying down. It was Tyreese.

Daryl stopped only inches away from Rick. His eyes were red, puffy and filled with more tears. He turned to look at us and just shook his head, broken.

I went to stand next to Glenn and saw how bad it was. Tyreese was very pale, his shirt was completely soaked with sweat and there was a big puddle of blood right next to him. His left arm had been cut off around the elbow area.

Once the others got there as well, Rick told us what happened and we decided to dig a tomb on the left side of the road. We got some shovels from the trunk and Rick, Sasha and Glenn started to dig.

It really surprised me when Carol told Glenn to give her the shovel he was using and just jumped in and helped to dig. She had spent time with him and Mika and Lizzie and Judith after the prison was destroyed, I guess they bonded.

Daryl, Rick, Glenn and Sasha helped to carry Tyreese's body to the freshly dug grave. Sasha and Daryl got inside and Rick and Glenn helped move the body into the grave from outside. Sasha hadn't cried but it was obvious how broken she was. We were all waiting for the outburst but it hadn't come so far.

Then, Gabriel started to pray over Tyreese as we all helped to cover the grave. I grabbed the shovel after Carl and stared sadly at the dirt. Today wasn't supposed to be like this. Tyreese was such a gentleman and kind person. He was the one who saved Judith, who looked after Mika and Lizzie. Mika and Judith were alive now because of him.

I turned around and handed the shovel to Glenn. I stood next to Carl, who was wiping a couple of tears away. Rick was next to him, holding Judith. I noticed that Daryl didn't come to me, he stood far from everyone, he had an unreadable expression on his face.

Once the grave was completely covered, we all let it sink in and we had a moment to ourselves. We all cared about Tyreese and he was a valuable member of our little family. Someone made a cross out of wood and Sasha hung his hat on it.

"We are going to DC as this just fell through," Rick informed us.

"Why?" I asked.

"It was the original plan. Michonne and I discussed it and I agreed with her."

"Michonne and you aren't the only members of the group," Carol said.

"I thought we had a council and you didn't make decisions anymore," I said. I didn't even know why I got angry all out of a sudden. I never wanted to go to DC and now apparently we were.

"That was back at the prison," Rick told me.

"So now, this isn't a democracy again?" Carol asked, remembering something Rick said before, when I was apart from the group with Andrea.

"It isn't like that," Rick assured her. "Most of us agreed before this, we are so close anyway."

"Why not go back and stay at that hotel?" I exclaimed. "We can build fences. We can build a watch area on the roof. We have a river nearby. The forest is close enough for us to go hunting and it's a building that is big enough for all of us and even more people. We could make it work."

"The place was in a big city and there were almost no supplies around," Rick said.

"What are you talking about? We found many supplies in stores nearby and we didn't see a single herd, just small groups of walkers. We didn't see people either."

"That doesn't mean people weren't actually nearby," Abraham said.

"I think it would be like a repeat of the prison," Glenn told me. "We have a nice place, we secure it, we build it up, we get comfortable and then it gets taken away from us."

"What do you want then?" I asked exasperated. "It is a better option than that community with a weak gate and weak fences."

"I think the hotel was too ambitious. And we would need to work hard to secure it."

"But we can do that."

"It would take a while."

"It's better than driving to another state. I'm tired of just going nowhere, we are all tired."

"That's why we rested yesterday. We recovered and got some strength back," Rick told me. "We should give DC a shot."

"And then what? When we realise that's another dead end? We go all the way to Canada? To Alaska?"

"If it's a dead end, we'll discuss what to do then," Rick told me.

"Like we just discussed this," I said sarcastically.

Of course that I didn't win the argument. I was only a young girl and Rick was our leader before and it seemed like he assumed that role again. Nobody argued, nobody attempted to stand up against the idea of keep moving. My mother tried to support me but no one else did.

We were picking up our stuff, our backpacks and our weapons when something made us stop everything and almost gave us a heart attack. It was an explosion. We rushed to where the sound came from and what we saw from a distance was fire and smoke.

When we got closer we just stopped dead in our tracks and stared sadly at what it meant. The bigger car had caught up in flames. There we had eighty percent of our supplies and now they were all gone. Luckily, no one was inside the car or close enough to it to get injured.

It had taken us a few hours to dig the grave and do the funeral for Tyreese. We also wasted some time arguing and we kind of just wasted an hour or so grieving him. And during all those hours the cars had been under the burning sun.

We can only assume the sun was hitting straight a container of gas and that ignited it and made it explode. There was no other explanation.

We stared at how the flames consumed one of our vehicles. There was no hope of salvaging anything from there. And as we even considered trying, there was a second explosion, meaning a second container of gas exploded.

We still had the other car and the motorcycle but to many of us that car wasn't an option. The backseat was all covered in blood, the sight made me nauseated, I couldn't even think of sitting there and many were thinking the same.

So, without words, we silently agreed to just grab the few supplies we had left and continue our journey on foot. Daryl grabbed his motorcycle by the wheel and just dragged it along. We wouldn't leave the others behind but Daryl wouldn't leave the motorcycle behind either.

It seemed like with every step we not only used some strength but also some hope. Not only we had lost the idea of finding a community, we also lost a member of our group and we lost almost all our supplies and many were also still grieving Beth.

We hadn't eaten lunch that day and we were regretting it. We had had breakfast but the heat was slowly killing us.

When it started to get dark a couple of hours later, we walked into the woods, we had been walking on the road, and we started a small fire. We ate some of the food we had, which wasn't much for all of us and drank only a few drops of the bottles of water we had.

Sadness and hopelessness were more evident during the night. Nobody talked except to discuss who was going to keep watch. Daryl didn't even embrace me that night. We were lying right next to each other on the ground but there was quite a gap between us and right now it seemed the gap wasn't only physical.

We restarted our journey early. We walked and walked more on the road. My shirt was drenched in sweat and it was dirty from sleeping on the ground. My hair was a mess and the tips were wet too. My face was red from being exposed to the sun for several hours.

As more time passed, the slowest and weakest we got. By midday, when the temperature was at its highest, we decided to hide under the trees and rest.

But once we had regained some strength we were back at it. I had no idea how many miles we walked but we had covered a good distance. That night we ate even less than the night before as we were unsure how much we would keep up with like this.

The next day was the same thing all over again, and the next. Except that on that day we found a working vehicle and I don't know how but we all managed to fit in there. It was a big van, thankfully.

We drove that day but we didn't want to drive too fast to not force the engine too much. There were seventeen people in there, as Daryl and I were on his motorcycle. We all took turns to drive though, so everybody could get some rest.

We stopped when it started to get dark. The kids slept inside the van while the rest of us slept on the ground next to the road. I stayed up all night just thinking. Would this be our end? Why wasn't Daryl talking to me? Was he just saving energy? Or did I say anything wrong?

Morning came and we all got ready to leave. This time, Rick rove with Daryl while I got into the car, I was in the passenger seat next to Glenn. Maggie wasn't talking to him either, she hadn't been talking much since Beth died. I turned to look at him as he drove and I could see how empty his eyes looked. He looked blank. He had no emotions on his face.

He was losing hope and he was usually the one that always gave the others hope. The nice one. The supportive one. The positive one. And seeing him like that actually made me lose some of the hope I had left.

About three hours after starting our journey this morning, the van just started to do some weird noises and it got slower and slower until it died. We ran out of gas. We sat there for a minute or two, just being disappointed.

We all thought hard before making our next move as everything just costed us so much energy and we barely had any left. So, eventually we got out of the van.

We decided to separate into five groups to cover more ground and maybe one group would be lucky to find a river or some kind of water and food, but right now water was more important. Noah, Rick, Judith and Rosita were one group. Carl, Michonne, Heather and Eugene were another group. Maggie, Sasha and Daryl were the third group. He had left the motorcycle behind, it was also running low on gas and there was no point in bringing it along.

Gabriel, Glenn, Tara and I were the fourth group. Joshua, Abraham, Mika and Carol were the final group. And yes I was still calling my mother Carol.

The five groups went different directions and we were supposed to have until tomorrow morning. Our group crossed the road and went that direction into the forest while Daryl's group was going the opposite direction.

And as more time passed and we didn't find anything at all, our group separated a bit. Gabriel and Tara went one way and Glenn and I went another way but it seemed like there was no water. We even found a couple of dead animals and their corpses showed no signs of being attacked or killed. What if they died from thirst?

Night came and we found nothing, we only wasted our energies. We didn't even have the strength to talk and I was thankful for that. I didn't really want to talk. Tara heard a lot of what Daryl and I discussed but I wasn't sure how much and Gabriel knew my story and witnessed our talk. Glenn didn't know a thing but he probably thought I had been sad because of my mother and probably even Beth, remembering we were good friends.

We took turns to keep watch but when my time came to sleep I couldn't. I was too thirsty and too tired to fall asleep. Night felt like it would last forever, like it would be my last night living and I wasn't even next to Daryl. I would die away from him.

But eventually it started to get light again and we heard a couple of birds singing. There was no need to wake up anybody, it seemed they couldn't sleep either. Being even more tired and more dehydrated, we kept looking for resources.

But even thinking about doing something was exhausting. My body wanted to shut off and just collapse and my mind wanted me to keep going because I couldn't give up. I couldn't die like this.

The time was up and we started our way back to the meeting point. I wiped off some sweat from my forehead as we walked. The others did it too from time to time and we were all dirty and covered in sweat.

"When you lost your sister," Glenn started, I hadn't heard his voice in so long it surprised me when I did. "You sank… how did you get back? How did you get the will to live?"

"Daryl didn't give up on me. And he and all of you gave me so much love that it was just greater than the feeling of wanting it to end it. Love overpowered the pain. It was still there, just lost its strength I guess. Maggie will bounce back, you know? She needs time."

"Time has passed and she only gets worse."

"She lost her dad too," I said. My voice was so hoarse it barely sounded like me. I hadn't spoken in days, it even felt weird to use my voice. "And we just keep losing people. We just keep getting blow after blow. We haven't gotten a chance to recover when something else happens."

"So, you think she will be alright?"

"She will."

"Will Daryl be alright?"

"What do you mean?" I asked as I turned to look at him, confused.

"Daryl acts the toughest but he probably has the biggest heart out of all of us and each blow just hits him harder than anyone else. Daryl just looks as broken as Maggie or worse," Glenn told me. "It seems like he just doesn't have the energy to keep hiding it anymore."

"Should I talk to him?"

"I don't think Maggie or Daryl are approachable right now, we should just let them be for a while," Glenn told me.

We found the others on the road, sitting by the white van. By the looks on their faces we knew they had been unsuccessful too. I mentally counted the people there and three hadn't returned. And of course it had to be Daryl.

"Nothing?" Glenn asked and Rick sadly shook his head at him.

We sat among the others. We all looked so weak. We only had enough energy to breath and keep ourselves awake.

Twenty minutes later we saw three people emerging from the left side of the forest. It was the three most broken people out of our group. We were all devastated but they were hurting even more and it was written all over their faces.

Maggie lost her father and sister recently, Sasha literally just lost her brother and she also lost her boyfriend not too long ago. And Daryl was still dealing with so many emotions and it seemed like they were all catching up to him. Plus, he also cared about the people we had lost.

And then once we all reunited, we started our way again. We were just moving as a reflex, we were too tired to think about our movements and the heat wasn't helping. Apparently, this heat had dried the rivers or bodies of water because even animals were dying from it.

The sight in front of us was actually quite discouraging, we only saw more and more forest and we couldn't see an ending to this road. And the sight behind us was discouraging too. There were at least seven to ten walkers following us.

"We're not at our strongest." Rick said as he and Daryl turned to look behind us. He knew we were all uneasy with the walkers behind us. "We'll get 'em when it's best. High ground, something like that. They're not going anywhere."

"I'm gonna head out," Daryl exclaimed, handing his rifle to Rick. I was a bit behind them but I could see and hear them. "See what I can find."

"Hey, don't be too long."

"I'll go with you." I heard Carol saying. I stopped in my tracks and just saw her going after him.

"I got it."

"You gonna stop me?"

Not knowing why Daryl was so distant and not wanting to spend time with my mother, I didn't even attempt to go after them. But when Daryl turned to look at my mother, his eyes stayed a bit too long on me. He didn't meet my gaze but I knew he was looking at me. I looked away, and started to walk. What else could I do?

I wasn't sure how much more we had walked but the sun was getting less intense. It gave another sort of colouring to the environment, more yellowish. It was going to set in a couple of hours, maybe even less than that and the heat was losing a bit of power.

I was at the front, right next to Rick, his arms had gotten weak so he handed Judith to Carl, who was on his other side. Rick and I looked behind us one more time and there were even more walkers than before. Maybe twenty by now. We could handle them easily, two or even one each but we were too weak to fight.

"We have to handle them before that group gets bigger," I told him.

"I know," he told me. "I'm just waiting for the right spot, so we can use less energy to kill them."

We walked one or two more miles and we reached a mini bridge on the road, Rick looked at me and nodded. This was his right spot. He stopped and turned to look at all of us and explain his plan. Heather and Gabriel were going to go to the other side of the bridge with the three kids, while the rest of us waited for the group of walkers to finally reach us. Abraham, Maggie, Sasha and Rosita were on one side. Rick, Glenn, Michonne, Tara and I were on the other side. The rest of our group were a little bit ahead.

We stood right on the edge, waiting. A walker got a bit too close to Rick and he just stepped back and pushed the walker down that little hill. That bridge was there because a river passed underneath it but now it was completely dry. There wasn't even a sign that there was water in there.

We copied Rick. The walkers were now about forty. We kept pushing walkers, sometimes we just needed to step backwards and let them continue and they would fall on their own. Every thing was working just fine until someone obviously had to ruin it. And yes, it was Sasha.

"Plan just got dicked," Abraham commented.

She walked to the nearest walker and killed it. There was anger in her eyes and I really didn't blame her, except that now she put everyone in danger. Rick and Glenn went behind her, killing walkers too. Michonne went right after her and grabbed her by her arm, demanding her to stop.

The rest of us had no choice but to join the fight, I was dealing with one walker when I saw another one had a grip on Rick's arm and was about to take a bite out of him. Before I could even react, Daryl got out of nowhere, grabbed the walker by the hair and pushed it down and then killed it. Michonne pushed Sasha down to the ground, got her sword and killed the last walker.

"I told you to stop!" she exclaimed angrily.

Sasha stayed on the ground for a bit but then she stood up and the two women just glared at each other. If looks could kill both of them would be long gone. Sasha walked away without looking away from Michonne. Nobody said anything else, we just continued our way.

That night was even longer, or felt even longer. I slept probably two hours, then I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. I turned to look at Daryl who was right next to me, his back was facing me, which normally wasn't the case. I got closer to him and kissed the top of his head, I couldn't stop myself.

"Don't push me away," I whispered softly into his ear. "I love you."

We restarted our walk the next morning quite early, we intended to advance without the heat of midday. The worst was that I felt like I was getting a blister on my right foot. I cursed under my breath. They could be very painful.

"Dad, look!" I heard Carl saying.

I looked ahead instead of the ground and I saw a few cars ahead of us. Maybe we could find something in there, maybe one of them worked.

"I'm gonna head into the woods, circle back," Daryl announced as he headed to the right side of the woods.

"May I come with?" my mother asked.

"No. No, just me."

"I will check the other side," I told Rick. "Just in case."

Before he could say yes I walked away to the left side of the woods and unfortunately I didn't get the alone time I wanted. My mother followed me and she didn't get a no for an answer. I rolled my eyes as I just continued to walk.

I wasn't even sure why I got in here, to look for the people who abandoned those cars, maybe, or for water, or for maybe catching something to eat or maybe I just needed some solitude.

"I tried to talk to him," Carol said. Surprisingly she was the person who seemed less exhausted. She looked alright while all of us just looked destroyed, some even looked sick. I didn't say anything to her so she continued. "He said he just needed some time, like everything caught up with him after Tyreese."

"What's everything?"

"You know."

"Well, he seemed alright for weeks," I said with a shrug.

"Doesn't mean he was," she told me and I nodded.

"Why did you come?" I asked as I turned around to face her.

"I'm sorry."

"That doesn't cut it this time. I have forgiven you time after time and you have failed me each time. And I know I will forgive you this time but I won't forget." I turned around to continue my search. "You really ruined it this time."

"Tyreese forgave me," she said and I could hear how her voice broke. I took a deep breath before facing her once again. "I told him… About Karen and David. And I'm glad I did. He wasn't even angry, he just straight forgave me."

"Are you trying to tell me that so I can forgive you too?"

"No. I'm telling you I didn't deserve it and he still did. I'm telling you because he is gone now and people need to know how gentle and good he was. I killed them thinking I would save everyone else. I didn't do it because I was evil. I did it because I cared too much about somebody else and that's why I ran away. Because I don't want to kill more people to save the people I love," she told me as she cried. "It really affected me. I keep thinking of them, every single day. I had to kill Lizzie to keep Mika and Judith alive. To keep Tyreese and myself alive. He couldn't do it, it had to be me."

"Tyreese told me," I whispered. "I killed Peter, my ex-boyfriend."

"Daryl told me," she told me, surprising me.

"The thing is we have to kill people to stay alive. I don't even know how you can even consider to walk away from us. Yes, I have pushed people away when I'm hurt but no matter how bad I get, I could never abandon my family."

"I love you all so much but I can't kill any more people. I can't. I'm losing myself. It's better to only look after yourself."

"I've lost myself at least twice, no, at least three times in the last two years. And I like to be on my own when that happens but someone always brings me back to reality. Gives me the reality check I need. If it wasn't for Daryl, or Carl, or Glenn or Rick, maybe I would be dead right now, I would have given up. We need each other," I told her. "It's not better to only look after yourself. It's just easier. And that's what you want. You want the easy way, the less painful way. You haven't changed. Not really. You are strong and can fight now but you are the same person inside. The same person that couldn't protect me, that couldn't protect Sophia. And I feel sorry for you."

"I tried," she told me crying.

"Did you really?" I said, this time my voice actually broke. "If you ever want us to be okay again, you really need to try. To do something, not just come to me and say sorry. Dad used to do that. He said sorry, acted nice for a bit, bought you things and then he would hit you and us again. And that happened for more than twenty years, didn't it? So, don't say sorry. Show me you are. Because for me, a 'sorry' is meaningless unless your actions actually show it."

I turned around once again and a part of me really hated to be this cold and unforgiving to my own mother. I wanted to cry, not because she hurt me, but because I had to say no to her. I had to be strong. I was just too afraid of being hurt by her once again and if I closed my heart, it wouldn't be as painful.

We didn't find anything so we decided, or actually I decided to walk out of the woods and look for the others. We caught up with them and then since we were just too tired, we decided to stop for today. We sat by the left side of the road under some trees so they could give us some shade. Some people sat with their backs against each other, others sat against trees. I went to sit with Glenn. I lay down on my back with my knees bent and rested my forearm over my eyes.

We all heard a noise and we all jumped, ready to either flee or attack. I sat down quickly, making me dizzy but it turned out it was just Daryl. He shook his head at Rick, who also shook his head. Then Daryl went to sit next to Carl and I just lay down again in the same position as before.

"So all we found was booze?" I heard Tara asking. I lifted my arm and turned to look at her and then at Abraham. He was taking a sip of some liquor they apparently found in one of the cars.

"Yeah," Rosita answered.

"It's not gonna help," Tara said.

"He knows that."

"It's gonna make it worse."

"Yes, it is."

"He's a grown man. And I truly do not know if things can get worse,"

"I wouldn't even say that," I told Eugene, I had my arm over my eyes again. "They always can."

It was then when we heard rustling coming from the woods, right from the side Daryl came from. We all turned to look at the source of the noise and we saw four big dogs, including two Dobermans, coming towards us. They started to bark at us and we slowly, very slowly, tried to stand up.

The next thing I knew was that Sasha killed the four dogs with her gun. I turned to look away, for some reason I couldn't even look at them. I announced I would go for a walk because I didn't want to see what I knew was coming. So, that's what I did.

I walked for maybe another hour and a half and when I came back, they had started a fire and they were eating the meat of the dogs. My eyes landed on a bloody collar. I shook my head and looked away. I sat as far away as I could from the others, which was actually next to Abraham.

Daryl got up, came to me and offered me a piece of meat. I didn't look up at him, I just shook my head at him. I heard him tell me to take it but I shook my head again. I didn't even want to look at him or the meat. It was stupid but I couldn't.

"You are being stupid," he said and that made me shoot my head in his direction. "Eat!"

"I won't eat someone's pet!" I exclaimed.

"Leave the girl, man," Abraham said.

"Stay out of this," Daryl said in a dangerous tone and then looked at me again. "This is why you are always fainting."

"You know why I was so weak before," I said, matching his dangerous tone. "I won't eat it. I'll be fine. And don't call me stupid again."

"I didn't call you stupid," Daryl said to me. "I said you were acting stupid."

After that break and once everybody ate, except me and Noah, we stood up and started walking once again. My blister on my foot was getting worse but I didn't even mention it to anyone. I would bet other people were getting blisters too.

As we walked, I stayed on the back of the group this time, close to Tara. At some point Glenn stopped and looked at Daryl, who was close to me. He handed him a half-full bottle of water. He shook his head.

"No, I'm all right."

"Daryl," Glenn insisted.

"Don't."

"Hey, we can make it together. But we can only make it together."

"So, you want to force me to eat but you won't take a sip of water," I said sarcastically. "Who's acting stupid now?" I glared at him and then walked past him.

"Tell them I went looking for water." I heard Daryl saying to Abraham.

I turned to look behind me and saw Daryl walking into the woods again. I shook my head. I was losing him. Glenn told me to just let him be for now and I didn't even have the energy to argue or anything but a big part of me wanted to know what was going on. I stopped, hesitating if I should just go after him. He didn't let me sink so why should I let him sink?

We were different though. I do better when people don't give me too much space as I can really, really hit rock bottom fast. Daryl does better when he is given space and he handles his issues and then comes to me when he is ready and tells me about it, but this time it's been days and I only see him even further from me. Every time more distant, every time more broken, every time more lost instead of getting better.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Abraham told me, sensing what I was thinking. "He's angry, sad. Just let him have some peace."

"I can't just be here and not do anything."

So, I gathered all my courage and went right after Daryl, hoping I could find him. He could track me in seconds but I was only following my hunch, hoping that was enough. I continued to walk in a straight line, hoping to not make a lot of noise, so he wouldn't hear me approaching.

And then I found him. He was sitting on the ground, his back against a tree and what I saw really horrified me and killed me. He was smoking a cigarette but then he used it to burn himself on the hand, he didn't flinch or anything. He stared at the burn and then I heard him cry. His body started to shake as he just cried harder. His hands trembled and the cigarette fell from his hand.

I couldn't take it anymore, I rushed to him. He looked up at me, thinking I was a walker but when he saw it was me, he shook his head and actually moved his body away so his back was facing me now.

"Leave!" he mumbled. "Go away!"

"No," I said sternly but caringly.

I knelt behind him and wrapped my arms around him from behind, as soon as I did that his body only shook harder as his cries intensified. He tried to get me to break the embrace but I don't know where I got the strength but I didn't let go.

"What is it?" I asked softly and he just cried even harder. He shook his head and looked down at the ground. "Okay, we don't have to talk about it. But I'm not going anywhere."

Daryl continued to cry, I loosened my grip around him and then he managed to break my hold on him. He stood like that for a bit, shoulders hunched and his head hanging down. Then he took a deep breath and actually moved his body a bit towards the left, more towards me. I moved slightly to my left so I wasn't behind him any longer.

I moved so I could be right in front of him and knelt there. I grabbed his hands, careful not to touch his burn and kissed them as I held them in both of mine. And then, without letting go, I moved my body forward to kiss the top of his head, and then I sat on my heels, in a kneeling position and he looked up at me. Tears kept coming no stop, his blue eyes were so bloodshot and puffy.

I didn't want to cry but seeing him like that broke me. I felt how my eyes filled with tears. I didn't blink so they wouldn't fall but one still did. I pressed my lips against each other as I only looked at Daryl, not knowing what to say. But I wanted to tell him through my eyes, through my body language that I loved him and that I wouldn't leave him.

I let go of his hands and moved forward and wrapped my arms around his neck. I put my hand on the back of his head so I would pull him even closer to me. I felt so helpless, I wanted to magically remove his pain or possibly transfer it to me, whatever it was to just take it away from him.

"Whatever it is, I'm here. I won't go anywhere. I love you." I said into his ear. And then I took a deep breath as I felt my voice was about to break. "Just tell me what I can do to help, I don't know what to do."

I felt like Daryl had put up a wall between us and I wasn't able to break it. Maybe he was letting me hold him, maybe he did move towards me a bit. But I was desperate and wasn't able to do anything for him and that was breaking me. But then, I felt his arms around my waist and that gave me all the hope back.

"Just don't go," Daryl mumbled.

I moved my body backwards a bit, putting both hands on the back of his head as I was still kneeling in front of him, between his legs, which one was bent and the other straightened. I looked right into his eyes and shook my head, offering him a small smile.

"Never," I assured him. "I'm here."

I kissed his forehead as another assurement and then nodded at him. Daryl nodded back at me and then his weeping resumed. He held me even tighter as he buried his head in my chest. I gulped, swallowing all the urge to cry. I couldn't cry right now. My right hand softly rubbed the back of his head and the other rested on his shoulder, and from time to time I would give him a squeeze there.

"I love you," I repeated.

I couldn't do more than being there for him and giving him my support even though I had no idea what had made him harm himself and break down in this matter. So, I don't know how long I stayed like that, just holding him in my arms and caressing him and letting him cry, but the time didn't matter, nothing really mattered, except him.