A/N: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed. I can't tell you how much it means to me.

Disclaimer: I am not Stephanie Meyers.

Chapter Four

Family

I bought my first club with the money I'd inherited from my birth parents. There had been many smart investments over the years that resulted in a great deal of personal wealth. After I'd left the states, I didn't want any ties to Carlisle, or any of them. I certainly didn't want to be dependent on them. The money was enough to last several lifetimes, I didn't really need to work. But I wanted to and for the first time in nearly a century, I could settle somewhere permanently.

Of course, I was settling there alone. It was hardly ideal but really the only option I had left. Any sub I took was a temporary companion at best.

I looked down at Bella fast asleep, muttering to herself every once and awhile. She talked a lot about her mother. I'd never had a sub who talked in their sleep. Looking back, I thought it might have annoyed me. But not Bella. It was somehow endearing. I pulled the comforter out from under her and settled it over her sleeping form. Turning away, I made my way down to the first floor into what might have been the dining room. It was dominated by my piano. When Esme had shipped it to me, I'd considered rejecting it. But that had seemed too cruel. And really, I didn't want to be cruel.

I didn't even want to leave, but at the time it felt like I had no choice. And once I was gone it was almost as if going back wasn't an option anymore. I'd hurt them all so much, how could I come back? I could recall so clearly sitting in my apartment in New York. Curled in a ball in the corner, just hating myself. I only moved at night. I would go to one of the many clubs in the city, find any willing partner and hone my control. It was the only thing that kept me sane. After Rosalie's visit, I left the states entirely. It was clear to me that there was no going back.

It was six months before I accepted a call from any of them and then it was only from Alice.

Carlisle tried, several times in the days after my initial departure. As I drove through Canada, my phone rang constantly. I would check the caller ID. It was always him. Never any of the others. Not for lack of trying I don't think. He just held up the line too long for anyone else to get through. I never listened to the voice messages he left. It didn't matter what he had to say now.

Eventually he stopped calling enough to let the others through. Or perhaps he thought I might listen to someone else. Esme called nearly as much as he had. She would never intentionally try to make me feel bad, but at her core she was a mother. And no matter how far I was from her, she would always try to mother me. She would always try to draw me back. Everything in this house was meant to draw me back. She had covered it in pictures of them. All of which had been taken down. They were unnecessary anyway. I couldn't forget.

Rosalie didn't bother calling me anymore. After the disaster in New York she tried to call several times. I assumed to apologize. But there was nothing to apologize for. It wasn't as if she'd said anything that wasn't true. I didn't want her apology. She would be more than happy to try to guilt me into coming back. It wouldn't work and that would just infuriate her more. I didn't want to cause more strife than I already had.

Emmett didn't understand. He was an open book, the thought of hiding something from the family never occurred to him. He called to. Only to tell me that I'm an idiot. He wasn't really mad at me, only confused. It didn't make sense to him why I wouldn't say why I'd left. I actually listened to his voice messages. I didn't call him back, though. After a while he stopped calling too.

Jasper never bothered. If I had to guess he was too consumed by the pain I'd caused everyone else. Specifically, the pain I'd caused Alice. The three of us had always shared a special bond. Yes, all vampires were extraordinary to humans, but even among our kind we stood out. He'd been the only one to notice something was off about me. Seemingly out of nowhere I'd come home elated, every molecule of my body humming. It wasn't an emotion he was used to feeling from me. And then seconds later, guilt and disgust. I knew, from his thoughts, he'd suspected I'd slipped up at first. But, of course, my eyes proved him wrong.

And as the months passed, it became more common place for me to feel differently, he became used to it. As the guilt and disgust diminished, arousal took its place. I was sure that surprised him. Prior to, my sex drive was nearly nonexistent. Not necessarily because I didn't find people attractive. Logically, I could see that someone was beautiful to look at. There had even been times I'd considered giving into that base need. But it had always passed.

The first sub I fucked, little Annie Wilson, had been a test of my control. I'd reached a point in my exploration that what I'd done so far only proved so much. I needed more. I needed to push myself further. I stayed away most of that night and the next day. Trying to avoid Jasper, in particular, and get her scent off of me. I could only imagine what my emotions would have told him in that moment.

I don't think I fooled him as much as I thought I had.

Alice tried to follow me. Jasper managed to put her off. He must have known that once that connection was severed there was no going back. It didn't feel like twelve years since I'd last seen her. I could say that she was the one I missed the most. But that wasn't exactly true. I missed all of them in one way or another.

I hadn't been alone, really alone, in decades. Not since I'd given up human blood and returned to Carlisle and Esme. That had really seemed like it was a defining moment. It felt trivial in retrospect. How easily I'd given up killing. It was almost a joke compared to giving up my life. And that was how it had felt at first. I was giving up everything I'd ever known. And for what?

I shook the thoughts from my head. It was foolish to dwell on what could not change.

I allowed my fingers to fall into Esme's composition. I hadn't played it since the last time Alice called. It was my usual response to talking to her. I didn't think she meant to make me feel so- torn. Alice was hardly passive aggressive. She told me flat out, no questions, what she expected of me. Any unsettled emotion was my own. Part of me longed to go back. To swallow my pride, admit I overreacted, and fall back to the ease of life with my family.

I tried to picture it, but all I could see was discontent. They never pushed it in my face. All of them, even Emmett, tried to keep the joy of being mated to themselves. They didn't want to hurt me. Especially Esme. She worried so much that I was lonely. It hadn't occurred to me that I was. It was as if the loneliness had become a part of me. So much so that I couldn't even see it anymore.

When I took my first sub, the elation I felt was so abnormal I was momentarily worried something was wrong with me. It occurred to me later that what I was feeling was a momentary escape from being so thoroughly alone. It was a feeling that was so new and so addictive I couldn't let it go. I couldn't stop and when it became clear I'd have to choose between my family and my happiness, there was really no choice at all.

Was I selfish, Rosalie? Undoubtedly. I justified it that I'd been selfless for nearly a century. Living in loneliness for the sake of my family. Hadn't I earned a bit of selfishness?

But Rosalie would never see it that way. She was fiercely protective of her family and their happiness. For her entire immortal life, she'd hated nearly everything about being a vampire. The only thing she couldn't hate was her family. It was her most redeeming quality. It was the genuineness of that love that kept me from being angry at her for how she had treated me in New York. The anger she spewed in that moment was not necessarily for herself. She was angry at how much my decision hurt the others.

"Esme hasn't moved in two days, Edward!" she screamed. "Carlisle won't speak to us about it. Jasper is always off in the woods by himself, trying to get away from the misery. Emmett is moping all the time. And Alice- Alice is constantly looking for you! She doesn't do anything else! You've ruined everything!"

I know, Rosalie, I know.

I didn't say it. I didn't say anything to her then. I let her scream at me until there was nothing left. What else could I do? I had no defense.

The refracted rainbow drew my eye to the window. I'd played all night. Upstairs I could hear Bella begin to wake. I stood up from the piano, making my way up to her. I wanted to see her again and I wasn't in the mood to deny myself. Talking with Alice dredged up things I didn't want to dwell on. I had hoped to spend the evening thinking about Bella. Why was I so certain she was mine? So convinced she would be staying with me? It was unshakable, this certainty.

I didn't bother denying it. The feeling was so ingrained I didn't want to deny it. I opened the door to the master bedroom as her head popped up from the mound of pillows. I couldn't help smiling at the sight of her. Her hair was a mess and her eyes blurry. It was rather adorable. She looked like I'd spent the evening pleasuring her.

Ah, if only.

"Good morning, Bella."

She blinked at me. "Good morning… Edward."

A blush spread across her cheeks. Shy this morning it seemed. She kept looking down at her lap then back up at me. Clearly, she was trying to keep her eyes on me. I liked that. Keeping the comforter wrapped around herself she reached down the side of the bed, searching for her clothing. She'd thrown them off so haphazard the night before. Her bra was in one corner, her pants where in another. The only thing within reaching distance were her shoes and socks. I let her look for a moment. When it became clear she intended to hide her naked legs from me, I decided not to push it. Intimacy was new for her after all.

I retrieved both garments before she could fall out of the bed. Handing them to her, her stomach grumbled. She looked mortified.

I smiled, holding her clothing out to her. "Breakfast time for the human."

She smiled prettily up at me. Clearly relieved by my reaction to her all too human elements. For a moment it looked like she was trying to get her clothes back on while hiding from me behind the comforter. I made no move to look away. Bella bit her lip and let the blanket drop. I could feel that this was a big deal for her to do. Of course, I remembered exactly what her body looked like. For the sake of her comfort, I kept my eyes locked on hers.

She tried to maintain eye contact throughout dressing but when she moved to put her bra back on her t-shirt broke our gaze. This seemed to bolster her confidence.

"You have human food here?"

"And toiletries, if you need them." Her head poked out of the shirt, her eyes wide and unsure. "Ask me, Bella."

She bit her lip again. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you have food and other human stuff?" her voice was soft.

I could hear the insecurity in it. She wanted to know if there were others. Oh my, Bella. I might not be as virtuous as I'd been, but once I committed myself to a sub, I was devoted to her to the exclusion of all others. Trust had to be proven. I would earn it soon enough.

"I do have visitors every once and a while," I offered. This seemed to appease her. Before she could ask more, I offered, "Would you like me to prepare something for you while you freshen up?" She giggled. "What?"

"That was just so formal," she said. "I don't know if anyone has ever told me 'freshen up.'"

I sniffed, tilting my head back a bit. "It hardly my fault that I'm the first gentleman in your life."

She actually rolled her eyes. I was momentarily stunned. Submissives don't roll their eyes at their Dominate. Oh, she would pay for that. "What now?" I demanded.

Bella bit her lip. "Well, I don't know many gentlemen who spank a girl before kissing her."

"That mouth is going to get you in trouble, little one," I growled. It should have terrified her. She just laughed again.

"Are you going to make me breakfast or keep threatening me with a good time?"

Before I could gather my wits enough to answer she skipped- yes, skipped- into the en suite bathroom. I stood frozen for a moment. Who was this woman? Too shy to put her cloths on in front of me one moment, then teasing me the next. She even rolled her eyes at me. She was poking the bear, quite openly tempting me to punish her. Did she have a bit of brat in her? Not the submissive that just accepted her punishment, but the sort who sought it out. The submissive who actively courted the pain she craved.

Of course, I'd had brats as submissives before, but Bella never struck me as one. Her mind remained entirely silent on the matter, preventing me from merely finding the answers there. It was frustrating. In the moment it was not the kind of frustration I craved. I was once again at a loss with her. I knew how to treat a sub, a brat, or any other. But I had yet to come across one who seemed to be a mix of all.

I was tempted to follow her into the bathroom and demand an explanation for her behavior. I stopped because we hadn't yet discussed the extent of our arrangement. Was this just bedroom play for her? I thought not. But in the clear light of day, things might be different. We needed to talk more than I needed to redden her bottom. My palms inched with the desire to redden her bottom.

Swiftly, I moved to the first-floor kitchen, only then realizing I didn't know what she would like. She'd had a sweet drink the night before, perhaps pancakes or waffles. I snarled at myself. This was the first time in over one hundred years that I'd been so consumed with someone. It was unsettling to realize that I would be upset if I made her something and she didn't like it. My phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out, absentmindedly while staring at the food in my fridge. God, blood made eating so simple. I pulled out the milk, wondering if it had gone bad. My phone buzzed again.

I looked down.

Make waffles, the milk is fine. – Alice

"Nosy," I muttered.

Rude! – Alice

Rolling my eyes, I followed the instructions on the box. When Esme furnished this house, she had gotten me all sorts of appliances. Even though we didn't eat, she apparently thought I needed every kitchen appliance on the market. The moment Bella appeared in the kitchen, grinning at the pile of waffles, I was thankful that she had.

Bella climbed onto the bar stool at the kitchen island, so excited she almost tumbled off it. I was by her side in an instant, righting her. She snorted shaking her head. "I guess it's a good thing you're fast. I'm probably the clumsiest human who ever lived."

I quirked an eyebrow at her. "Are you suggesting it's a good thing you have a vampire to look after you?"

She shrugged. "I guess. Do you have syrup?"

"I honestly haven't a clue," I admitted, opening my pantry.

Bella stumbled off the stool, coming to my side. She looked at the rows of food, spices, and cooking implements with wide eyes. "Jeezers! This is like a cook's dream!"

She started running her fingers over the appliances. I let her look until her stomach grumbled again. "You can investigate every inch of my place after breakfast."

"Every inch?" I nodded. She gave me mischievous grin and grabbed a bottle before hurrying back to her waffles.

"Would you like some milk?" I asked. "I have it on good authority it hasn't gone bad yet." Bella tried to laugh around the bit of waffle in her mouth, practically chocking herself in the process. "God, woman," I snapped, filling a glass with water instead, pushing it into her hands. I glared at her until she drank. "What now?"

"Has anyone ever told you that you're cute when you're grumpy?" I continued glaring at her, but this just seemed to amuse her more. "The way you talk sometimes- it's like you're from another era. I can't help finding it just a little bit funny." She had the wherewithal to look at least a little apologetic to admit this. "But just- you have it on good authority that the milk hasn't gone bad?" she snorted, tipping to the side and nearly falling off the stool again.

I righted her once more. "Two things," I said, getting in her face. Her eyes widened, suddenly realizing that she was talking to her Dom now. "One, I am from another era. Two, don't laugh while you're eating, or I'll give you something bigger to choke on."

She shrunk away from me at the implication. I cursed myself, I remembered how tentative she'd been at the mention of oral sex yesterday. There was something there and I needed to know what it was.

"Tell me," I ordered.

Bella turned away, stoving a massive bite into her mouth, looking anywhere but at me. I was still as stone by her side, watching her stuff her face. I didn't move until the plate was clean. Her eye flicked up at me, uncertain. I didn't like that. Instead of pressing I took the plate to the sink, rapidly cleaning the mess I'd made. She shuffled over to me, standing behind me. A moment later I felt her arms wind around my waist. She pressed her head between my shoulder blades. A moment later I felt the wetness of her tears.

I turned quickly, cupping her cheeks, until she brought her eyes to mine. "I like you, Edward. More than I should. I mean I haven't even known you for a day and I already feel like I've known you forever. If that makes sense. I feel so safe with you. And I want so much more than I should. It terrifying."

I brushed her tears from her cheeks and sighed. She wasn't going to tell me of her own volition. "Oral sex makes you uncomfortable," I stated. She flinched, her eyes going a bit frantic for a moment. "Not uncomfortable," I decided. "Afraid."

Bella bit her lip, her eyes darting all over the kitchen, everywhere but at me. She started to shake. I had never loved my self-control as much as I did in this moment. Someone had put that fear in her eyes and that someone would die for it.

"You don't have to tell me now if you don't want to," I whispered. She was clearly in pain; I would be damned before I added to it. "I won't bring it up again."

She gripped the front my shirt almost desperately. "I need to be enough for you," she said, earnestly. Her voice was almost panicked.

"And I need you to not be afraid of me or anything we do together."

I took a loch of her hair, twirling it around my finger. I had to hold myself in perfect control of my strength in order to keep from pulling any strand from her head. It was one of my favorite tests. I tucked it behind her ear and smiled at her.

"One day, when you feel you can, I want you to tell me. Until then, I will not push," I promised. "I like you too, Bella. You are at no risk of not being enough for me." Her eyes pinched. I sighed, she didn't believe me. "I imagine it will take time to relieve you of that particular insecurity. Thankfully, I can be very patient."

That seemed to please her. I shook my head at the enigma standing in front of me. I crossed my arm, leaning back against the sink. "What do you have to do today?"

She bit her lip. "Well, on Sundays I usually clean and do homework."

I nodded. "How do you get around?"

"The tube, usually."

I nodded. "Well, I would like to drive you where you need to go from now on. Public transportation can be unreliable and unsafe. It would be a significant relief to me if you allowed me to do that."

"So formal," she whispered, mostly to herself. "I don't want to be a burden."

"I will drop you off at your dorm now, you can think about it," I offered. The panic was back. "What now, Bella?"

"I don't want to leave you."

I thought for a second. "Let me see if I understand. You don't want me to drive you where you need to go, but you don't want to leave me?"

"I don't want to burden you, Edward."

"Taking care of you is my pleasure. Not a burden. You have asked me to help you manage the stress in your life. There are ways I feel I could do that for you. But it must be your choice. Always your choice."

She bit her lip. "How would you do that?"

I quirked an eyebrow at her, wondering if it was too soon to let her know the extent of what I wanted from her. She seemed intent on staying with me, so on one hand I didn't think it would be a problem. On the other, it seemed like she didn't want to need me as much as she did. I decided to risk it.

"You will move in with me. I will handle all of your expenses. When you are overwhelmed by those things in your life that only you can handle, I will center you in the moment. I will give you a place to be free of thought and decisions. A place to feel and do."

She stared at me, looking all over my face. I could see my reflection in her eyes. I wanted to appear comforting to her, however I looked intense. I tried to soften my features. I wished I could tell what she was thinking.

"Okay." I blinked. "I don't have much in the dorms, but there are some books I'll need."

"We can pick up all of your things now. No classes or work today?"

She shook her head. "I don't have any classes on Sunday. Work is just my internship." I nodded. "Although I was thinking of getting a part time job."

"Unnecessary."

"I need the money."

"No, you don't." I moved from the sink. "I'm going to take a shower and change, then we'll go."

"I do need money, Edward," she insisted, following me.

"I'll add you as a signer on my account and get you a card."

"I don't know if I like that."

I waited until we were back in the master bedroom to turn to her. I began unbuttoning my shirt and I spoke. "You told me last night one of your main stressors in life is money. I have enough money for several lifetimes. I will share everything I have with you. So, tell me, why is this bothering you so much?"

By the time I finished I had my shirt off. She was staring at me wide-eyed, her mouth hanging open a bit. I closed her mouth, refocusing her on my face. "I don't want to be a burden to you."

"This again," I muttered. I thought a moment. I needed her to accept this. Not only because it would settle one of her main anxieties, but also because a job would limit my time with her.

"It just seems like you're doing so much for me and I'm- what? What do I do for you-?" I held up my hand to stop her. "It just feels uneven."

Keeping her eyes locked on me, I unbuckled my belt. Her eyes flicked down, then back up, down again. I let my pants fall. Bella squeaked. I hadn't worn underwear in years. I approached her slowly, she didn't take her eyes off of it.

I stopped just shy of her. "You will give me everything, mon petit agneau," her eyes came up to mine instantly. "Right now, all I need is your time. A job would interfere with that. I know you feel as if you have nothing to give me. While I'm showering, I want you to think about something. Will you do that for me, mon petit agneau?"

"Yes, master," she said instantly.

"The things you give me will be more intangible. Your submission is not just a physical thing. While you may believe yourself to be a burden, I need you to consider that I might find it a joy to take care of you. It will please me to have you spend my money. To know that you have what you need because I gave it to you." I sucked in a breath of her through my nose, closing my eyes at the sweet ecstasy of her scent. "I can only imagine how satisfying it will be."

When I opened my eyes, hers were once again focused south. I didn't bother trying to hide what her closeness and her scent did to me physically. I could see that her pupils were dilated, hear the shortness of her breath and breakneck speed of her heart. I could smell the evidence of her desire. And it was mine.

I cupped her chin, bringing her eyes back to mine. For a moment I lost myself in them. There were so many different shades of brown in her eyes. Swirling together to create something so unique to her. Other's might look at her and see brown hair and brown eyes, missing the subtle beauty of that simplicity. Before I could think, I tugged her against me. Angling her head back I slanted my mouth over hers.

She was still for a moment. Then she was everywhere. Bella flung herself around me, her arms wrapped around my neck, tugging me closer. Her leg hitched over my hip, and her hands tangled in my hair. She seemed frantic to get closer to me. Her desire overruling any semblance of control. It was easy to get lost in her. To forget my carefully crafted control would be a mistake, but so easy to do. I did let myself revel in the pleasure of her touch. It was like electricity all over my skin. She seemed to be trying to touch me everywhere at once. Her hips began moving against mine.

I pulled back, holding her still an inch away. I had allowed this to go as far as it could right now. There was too much we needed to do today to spend the morning playing. I would certainly look after to her tonight. But now she felt too close to running from me again. Even here, wrapped in my arms, thrusting her hips against my cock, she still seemed unable to commit fully to me.

I was more bothered by that than I wanted to admit, even to myself. It was beginning to dawn on me exactly what was happening between us. The implication was startling, terrify, but exhilarating too. In my arms I held my mate. After so many decades alone I had found her. The preciousness of the gift I had been given wasn't lost on me. This human completed me. And yet, she couldn't possibly understand the depths of what that meant. With her I was everything, she was all I could ever need.

And without her I was nothing.

Staring in her eyes once more I tried to take stock of how I was feeling. It took a moment to name what it was exactly. I held her head to my chest, losing my face in the curls at her crown. I basked in the simple pleasure of this moment.

I wasn't lonely.