Chapter Six

Revealing

After unbuckling the braces and rubbing the stiffness from her shoulders, Bella slipped out of my hands into the guest bathroom. Glad I kept all the toilets fully stocked, I listened to her clean up and rustle through the duffle bags I'd left in the foyer. When she came back into the sitting room, she wore a pair of stripped green panties and nothing else. I'd sat back down on the couch while waiting for her.

Without hesitation she climbed onto my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck. I rested my hands on her thighs, slowly drawing them over her naked flesh. I had touched quite a bit of her in the past hour but this felt different. This was not necessarily sexual or dominate, this was a moment of intimacy. I let the pads of my fingers run up over her hips to the small of her back. She nuzzled into my throat, clearly enjoying the gentleness of my touch.

Bella pressed a kiss to my neck, her hot breath searing my skin. The feeling of having her so close was something glorious. I knew without a doubt that I would have her with me for the rest of her life. I blinked at the thought. Her life. My heart seized in my chest. How long would her life be? Someday she would die and I would be alone again. There was nothing but bleakness in that thought. A vampire wasn't meant to outlive their mate. It was a terrible thing that most didn't survive and if they did it was a horrible life they lived.

I drew my arms up around her shoulders, bringing her more firmly into my embrace. I held here the most important thing I'd ever had. A future. My future. The thought of that future having an end date was unbearable. Bella pressed her lips to my throat again and a thought occurred. I didn't have to lose her. Unconsciously I brought my lips to her neck. I'd left a number of hickies there last night when I'd nearly killed her. I shuddered internally at the thought. To have lost this beautiful creature to the monster in my throat- I shook the thought away. It didn't bear dwelling on.

What did was the thought that I could keep her. I knew I didn't have the control necessary to sink my teeth into her now. I'd need to feed first, perhaps gorge myself on blood before I did it. I would need to be so nauseatingly full that the idea of any blood, even hers, held no appeal. But more than that I needed to think of the consequences of my actions. She'd be in agony for days, then impossibly strong and bloodthirsty. Turning her in the middle of London wasn't ideal.

Then there was the fact that it was essentially illegal. Not that that alone would have stopped me. There were ways around that law. Uncomfortable ways, but ways.

In exactly three days from that moment with Bella, it would be thirteen years since we'd been outed to the world. When humanity finally accepted our existence among them, there had been millions, perhaps even billions of humans, begging to be turned. In private, government officials would approach any vampire they could find and demand to be turned. In public, they condemned us. The religious right was the most outspoken against our kind. Going onto any media outlet they could to scream our damnation to the world. But privately? Privately they begged just like the rest of them.

Some vampires complied, the humans nearly all died. As the body count rose, the Volturi did something Carlisle had found rather amazing. They met with the UN. It seemed that all had come to an agreement. If we were to live together there had to be some guidelines we all needed to live by. Admittedly the concessions made were mostly on our side. We were, after all, much more dangerous than humans. Even though they outnumbered us, if it came to war there was no way they could win.

Humanity insisted that vampires were no longer to feed from them. While the three ancients had agreed, Carlisle didn't believe they actually lived that way. The few nomads I'd met over the years didn't either. It was the vampires who lived in the public eye that feed exclusively from animals. The Volturi were a notable exception to this. I imagined they were just better at hiding it.

The humans also insisted that there be no more vampires made. I believed this was primary due to jealousy. Why should one get immortality and not all? Technically, if a vampire was to bite a human, they were to stop and let that human turn. They were then to be arrested and destroyed. If a vampire didn't stop feeding the same would happen. Essentially the rule was to keep your teeth to yourself.

In the early days, the Volturi made a point of enforcing this. They had set up headquarters all over the world. Staffing them with enforcers who did their bidding. The human authorities would alert them to a transgression and they would find the guilty party, killing them if necessary. If the human survived the bite and turned, they were to take them in, see them through the volatile newborn phase, and then integrate them into society at large.

These days I wasn't so sure they actually did any of that. I'd met enforcers of all ranks within the Volturi's system. They frequented my clubs. While out in public their eyes were golden, I could see in their minds what they actually got up to in private. The whole point was to keep this part of the truth private. Only those vampires welcomed into the Voturi's ranks could drink human blood anymore. And only if they were discreet about it.

It allowed them to continue the diet they preferred and integrate seamlessly into normal, human society.

An outsider like me would never be allowed the same freedom. If I bit Bella and the public found out I would be destroyed. Still, there were ways around that. My problem was that I did live a very public life. Nomads got away with killing the random human because they didn't stay in one place long enough to be noticed. While the enforcers could, and by their own rules, should, follow the scent of the nomad and hunt them down for their crimes, humans knew too little of our actual abilities to press the issue.

A bloodless body showed up, clearly killed by a vampire, enforcer were called, they do a cursory search of city, say the criminal vampire was gone and that was that. If there were no witnesses or video of the act, no guilty party could be found or prosecuted. But that was nearly impossible to do in London. Every street corner had a camera and I was too recognizable.

I'd never get away with it. What's more I'd been very public with Bella. Everyone in my club last night saw me with her. Everyone at the dorms today saw me packing her things and taking her away. So even if I'd had the control over my thirst in that moment, there was no way I'd get away with it.

There was always the possibility of going to the Volturi and pleading my case. She was my mate after all. Few things in vampire society were held at all sacred but a mate was. There were stories of vampires getting permission from the Volturi to turn their mate. It was rare and only under extreme circumstances. Or so the public was told. Truthfully, those vampires were part of the Volturi's ranks.

It seemed unlikely it would go my way without many concessions on my part. And I hadn't a clue what they might want from me. Of course, there was nothing I wouldn't give to keep Bella. If they wanted my clubs, take them, my money, have all of it. Nothing mattered but her.

The thought occurred of perhaps asking Carlisle to plead with them on my behalf. I knew he would, but could I ask him to? I didn't think so. The only other viable alternative was to disappear. I would leave first, then Bella would follow. If we disappeared together it would be too noticeable. The thought of being away from her, however briefly, was painful. But I could endure it if it meant I got to keep her forever.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I sighed knowing without looking that it was Alice. No one else bothered me at all hours of the day. I tucked Bella more firmly against my chest and retrieved it. I had to admit, begrudgingly, that she had been remarkably helpful today.

You're getting ahead of yourself, Edward. If you leave now, she won't understand why. You must get her onboard first. Make sure it's what she wants before doing anything. I know you, big brother. You're used to being in charge, but this isn't just her life, this is her eternity. It needs to be her choice. -Alice

Of course, I knew all of that. What's more, Alice knew I knew all of that. But she had always been good at reminding me of the obvious. I was four steps ahead already without bothering to plan for the step right in front of me. I needed Bella to want to stay with me forever before I even broached the topic. We needed to be on the same page first.

Cradling her against me, I got up to retrieve the chest I'd left on the coffee table. I had my forearm under her bottom, her arms and legs wrapped around me. I placed the chest on the couch next to me and settled her back on my lap a moment later. It was time to come clean about my past.

I pulled a photo album from the chest, flipping to through the pages, I stopped on the first picture of him. I let myself grimace at his smile and my own. I looked so happy in that picture, we looked like a family, he and I. I pointed at him, drawing her attention to the photos.

"This is Carlisle Cullen," I began. "He was born in the 1640s and turned approximately 23 years later. The dates are hardly precise, since he was born a commoner. His father was an Anglican pastor here in London. His formative years were in the pulpit by his father's side. His father was pious, a zealot, very fire and brimstone. Constantly talking about the threat of the devil, witches… and vampires."

"Are witches real too?" she asked, her eyes animated.

I smiled at her enthusiasm. "Probably, but I don't know any personally." She made an adorably disappointed face, but I moved on.

"After Carlisle's father passed, he took over the parish. He was much more successful in finding demons than his father had been. Somehow the mob of humans Carlisle had brought together managed to overwhelm the vampire they discovered. He must have been starving, half crazed. He attacked the lot of them, Carlisle was bitten, but the vampire was being attacked by the other humans and turned his attention away. When the pain of the turn faded, Carlisle knew what he'd become. He was always a compassionate man, that didn't change after he was turned. He was perhaps the first of our kind to realize we could survive on animal blood instead of human."

I let my finger linger on his face. I didn't need to picture to remind me what he looked like. I could see him with perfect clarity in my memories. But there was something visceral about seeing him in a picture. Knowing that for that brief moment we'd been happy.

"He's the one who turned me." I couldn't remember those days very clearly, myself, but they were crystal clear in Carlisle's memories. "I was dying of the Spanish flu in a hospital in Chicago. Carlisle was the doctor looking after myself and my mother. Somehow she knew he was… less than human and begged him to save my life."

"A vampire doctor?" she asked, incredulous.

"Carlisle has had centuries to master his control. He truly puts us all to shame," I admitted. I pushed my hand through my hair. It was frustrated gesture I'd stop doing years ago. Vampires didn't act on their frustration. The last time I'd done it was after Rosalie stormed out of my apartment in New York. I hated myself a little bit for doing it now.

"People were dying every day, no one noticed that I'd gone missing. He took me to his home and turned me."

"What was that like?"

I tilted my head to the side, trying to bring myself back to those early days. "It was overwhelming. Especially for me. I didn't realize what was happening at first. It only took a few hours for Carlisle to figure it out. I kept answering questions he was asking in his head. It was rather obvious I could read minds."

Bella eyes went wide; she looked like she was starting to panic. "You… can read… my mind?"

I smiled. "Not yours, little one." She didn't look convinced. "Every else's mind. Yours is the first to be entirely closed off from me."

She scrunched up her face, clearly still unsure. "What number am I thinking of?"

I snorted, very ungentlemanly and entirely involuntary. "I haven't a clue."

"You could just be saying that," she said, worrying her lip.

"I could, but I assure you, I'm not." She continued to stare at me. Disbelief clear in her eyes. "If I could read your mind, Bella, why would have to ask you what color you are?"

She blinked. "Yeah, okay, that makes sense." She began biting her thumb nail, still clearly caught up in this revelation about me. "Why?"

"Excuse me?"

"Why can't you read my mind?"

I shrugged. "You probably have a mental shield that blocks my ability. I honestly don't know with any certainty."

"So, there's something wrong with my brain?"

I rolled my eyes. "Honestly, Bella, I tell you I can read minds and you think something is wrong with you?" She shrugged. "Shall I continue?" She nodded, looking back at the album. I flipped to the next page. "Carlisle had to moved me as soon as he could. My father was a prominent lawyer in Chicago. Too many people knew my parents had died and that I'd been sick.

"So, we moved on. And a few years later when I'd calmed down, Carlisle found another hospital work at. Prior to that he did house calls. It was seven years before he found me that all this happened. But that's how he met her first. Esme Platt. She'd broken her leg and her parents called good Doctor Cullen to come set the break. She was a teenager at the time, sixteen years old. When we settled down, things between us more… I guess normal, his thoughts would return to her. Not in any inappropriate way, mind you. More… protective. A longing to be there for her however she might need him to be. There was nothing sexual about it, but there was a sort of… obsession sounds too crass."

I searched my thoughts for some way to explain it. Even then Carlisle had recognized her as his mate, though he didn't realize it yet. The connection was forged between them in that moment. Even Esme had felt it. There was an undeniable longing to be together however they could be. She'd been much too young to be an object of sexual desire for him.

"Of course, I wasn't with him then, so I can't say how she was effected by him. She did say later that she always remembered him. When she'd been old enough to feel romantic or sexual desire, he did cross her mind. But by that point he had moved on. I had joined him and we never could linger very long in one area. He looks so young, after a while it became too noticeable. He found her in morgue years later." Bella gasped, gripping my wrist.

"She'd lost her child days after he'd been born and, in her grief, she threw herself off a cliff. The officials who found her assumed she was dead and just took her straight to the morgue. Our hearing is much more sensitive, and Carlisle knew she was still alive. So, he took her home and turned her. I'd been out hunting when he did, came home to scent of fresh blood and venom. I had to stay away for a while. But came back once it was done. She remembered Carlisle of course. Their love was almost instant. It was rather wonderful to see."

Bella wrapped her arm around my neck, pressing her head into my throat. I could feel her smile. I turned the page.

"This is Rosalie."

Bella gasped, "She's so pretty."

I snorted. "She'd love to hear you say that. We were in Rochester in 1933. Carlisle smelled the blood and went to investigate. He found her dying in the street. She was well known in the area. Beautiful Rosalie Hale, engaged to be married to another local celebrity, Royce King. Apparently, that night she'd been walking home alone. He was with some friends and…" I rubbed my forehead. I hated this story and part of me felt like it really wasn't mine to tell. "Things escalated and I'll leave it at that."

I glanced over at her. She wasn't smiling anymore. Bella ran her finger over Rosalie's cheek, a pensive look on her face.

"Carlisle had hoped that in changing her, I'd find the kind of companionship he had with Esme. But it was never like that between us. When she'd been human, she'd hated me because I was the only one in the area unaffected by her beauty. I never sought out her attention and was… rather rude when Carlisle turned her."

I felt Bella smile again. "My perfect gentleman was rude to that goddess?" she whispered.

I grinned. "Rosalie was only ever a sister to me. Our feelings for each other were that of a brother and sister, but at the beginning it wasn't even that." I turned to the next page. "It wasn't until she brought him home that things really changed between us. This is Emmett. The best brother I could have hoped for. Rosalie found him a couple of years after Carlisle turned her. We had moved rather quickly; Rosalie was too well known for us to linger. Plus, she'd killed the men who hurt her."

"Good."

"Bloodthirsty?" I asked. She held up her fingers the tiniest bit apart. I laughed.

"She'd been out hunting when she found Emmett being attacked by a bear. She took down the beast and ran home with him in her arms. Over a hundred miles. I still don't know how she did it. She burst into the house, taking the door off the hinges, a great bloody man in her arms, begging Carlisle to save him. Of course, he tried. But Emmett was too far gone. There was no healing him by conventional means. However, that wasn't what Rosalie had in mind when she asked Carlisle to save him."

"She meant for him to be turned?" Bella guessed.

"Very astute. I had to tell Carlisle that was what she wanted. At that point Rosalie had made it very clear she was unhappy that she'd been turned. Oh, she loved us and was never necessarily mad at Carlisle for doing it. But she would have much rather died that night. It was incredibly startling that she would ask him to do it to someone else. But Carlisle felt immeasurable guilt and I think he would have done anything to make her life easier. Anything to make her happy. And Emmett does."

Bella folder her hands on my shoulder and rested her chin there. Glancing over I found a small smile on her lips, her eye filled with my story. "Tell me about him."

Oh, Bella. I will tell you everything.

"He's a creature of clear joy. Honestly, I've never met a mind quite like his. He's not the type to pull any punches. Emmett doesn't think a thing he wouldn't say. Honesty or foolishness- his mouth has gotten him into trouble. I can't imagine anyone who loves being a vampire more. Of course, his favorite prey are bears. He's never really let go of losing that fight. And for as much as Rosalie and I would get on each other's nerves I couldn't have been happier with her choice of mate."

"He's got a nice smile," Bella said.

I nodded. "I've never met someone so suited for this life. He has everything he could ever want; and he has it forever. What's not to be happy about?"

Turning the page once more, I gazed down at Alice and Jasper's picture. I tapped her image, she looked up at me knowingly. Damn it, Alice, I thought. How much did you see when you sent this photo album?

"Alice and Jasper joined us in the 50's. Alice has a power unlike any other I've ever seen. She has visions of the future. So, of course, she saw us all together. Apparently, she'd been looking for us for a while. Emmett and I had been hunting when they showed up. She moved into my room, putting all my stuff in the garage. It seems I had the best view."

Bella giggled, biting her lip. "Carlisle didn't turn her?"

I shook my head. "That's a bit of mystery I'm afraid. Alice awoke after being turned with no memory of her human life. Without her visions she surely would have gone mad. As it was, she could see us and especially Jasper. It gave her a purpose, so she went out looking for him. Found him in little diner. Walked up to him and said, 'You kept me waiting,'" Bella laughed with me. "He tipped his head and said, 'I'm sorry, ma'am.' They've been together ever since."

"So, she has no idea who made her?" I nodded. "Is that common?"

"Quite uncommon in fact. Other than Carlisle, I've met maybe a handful of vampires who had no contact with their sire other than being turned by them. It takes no small amount of restraint to keep from killing the human you bite. If you're going to put in all that effort why abandon them right after? In Carlisle's case it was because his sire was starving and half crazed when he bit. But Alice has absolutely no memory of her human life, her sire, how she ended up where she woke, not even the pain of the turn."

Bella worried her lip, before pointing at Jasper. "And Carlisle didn't turn him either?"

"Oh, no. Jasper was turned in 1863 while fighting in the Civil War."

"Jeezers!"

"Carlisle is older," I laughed.

"Yeah but…" she rolled her eyes. "It's just different. That's American history, stuff I've seen movies about, read in textbooks, hell- taken tests on- it's our history. It just…"

"Feels more real," I guessed.

"Exactly. I can't help imagining listening to him tell stories about it like it's a friggin' documentary on TV."

I tilted my head, taking her in. I had wondered if all of this would be overwhelming for her, honestly, she was handling it better than I thought she would. At the moment it seemed like the only thing to really throw her was Jasper's life. I considered glossing over the more brutal bits, but quickly decided against it. There was no reason for secrets between us. Even if these secrets weren't necessarily my own.

"Jasper joined the army when he was underage, by the time he was 19 he was a major. He'd moved quickly through the ranks, due in no small part to his own gift."

"What can he do?" she asked before I could tell her.

I smiled at her enthusiasm. "Jasper is an empath. He can feel and manipulate the emotions of those around him. When he was human, he was just exceptionally persuasive. While riding one day he came across the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen.

"Maria. In those days, in the south, there were great wars going on between vampires. They were fighting for territory. Maria wanted to control as much hunting ground as she could. With the Civil War raging, it was easy to pick humans off without people really noticing it. The best, most vicious fighters of our kind are called newborns. Only because they're so young in this life, the human blood, their own blood, still in their system, it makes them strong. Stronger than the older, more controlled vampires.

"She only kept most of them alive for about a year. Jasper was a notable exception. His gift made him incredibly valuable to her. He could control the raging emotions of the newborns, keep them docile until battle, and enrage them during."

I turned the page to a larger picture of Jasper. I pointed to the scars visible on his arm. "Bite marks. From the battles. He didn't really have many friends, as you can imagine. But he did become close with another vampire called Peter. One day, while killing the newborns Maria decided she had no use for, Peter stopped him. He was about to destroy a female called Charlotte. She was Peter's mate."

"So, he couldn't let Jasper do it."

"And Jasper wouldn't do it. He could feel the depth of love between them. Something so much more powerful than anything he felt from Maria towards himself. A true connection. And so he let them flee. Maria was furious, of course, not just for letting Peter and Charlotte go, but because she knew she'd lost Jasper then. It took a while after that to actually leave, but leave he did."

"And then he found Alice in a diner and they found you," she finished. "That's such a sweet story, the happy ending with Alice, I mean."

"Yes, I think so too."

I flipped to the last picture. All seven of us at some high school graduation. Even though by that point we'd all gotten several doctorates, Esme always wanted to celebrate. A moment after the picture had been taken Emmett tried to put me in a headlock, I dodged him, and he tackled Jasper instead. Once he brushed Emmett off, Jasper rushed me. And although I could have easily moved out of the way, I didn't. Instead the three of us destroyed Esme's peonies, much to her chagrin. But it had been such a light moment of frivolity with my brothers.

I sighed heavily. Bella touched my cheek, clearly trying to turn my eyes to hers. I complied easily. Looking at her instead of them was no hardship. She smiled sweetly at me.

"You don't have to tell me," she reassured me.

I shook my head. "I want to tell you everything. But some things are harder than others."

"I know. Anxiety is a tricky bitch."

"To put it mildly," I agreed.

I was quiet then, trying to find the words. I stared down at Carlisle's proud face. Remembering all too clearly the way he rolled his eyes when I threw Emmett into his wife's garden. Even then he hadn't been angry or disappointed in me. There had never been anything in his expression but joy. And I had stolen that from him. It was an entirely different kind of monstrous act. One I couldn't forgive myself for.

Bella was quiet by my side, touching the photograph, her fingers lingering on my face.

"You look happy," she whispered.

I thought she might have been talking to herself, but I answered anyway. "I was happy." She brought her eyes back to me, tilting head to the side, as I so often did towards her. "Trying to figure me out, little one?"

"Are you happy now?" The insecurity in her voice was like a vice around my heart.

I squeezed her close, careful not to hurt her. "I'm happier now then I have been in a long time."

She bit her lip, trying to hide her smile. "Why?"

I chuckled, "Fishing for compliments, Bella?"

She shrugged. "Reassurance, maybe." She looked down at her lap, shifting her arm to cover her breasts.

"Reassurance?"

"Yeah, ya know," she threw her hair back over her shoulder, looking up at me again. Her eyes too casual.

I tapped her forehead gently. "Actually, I don't."

She sighed deeply, her eyes suddenly resolved. "It's crazy how I feel about you, Edward. Safe and so much happier than I've ever been. Then I ever thought I'd be… And it hasn't even been twenty-four hours. I've never felt this way before." She shook her head. "It's terrifying. And…"

"And?"

"Wonderful."

"Completely wonderful," I agreed. "Unimaginable just days ago."

Her grin was back, stretching across her face. "Like I suddenly get how Elizabeth Barrett Browning could write all those sonnets to Robert Browning. Jeezers, I thought she was loon at first. But now…"

"Now?" I prompted, enjoying where she was heading and how she seemed a bit embarrassed to say it.

"Well, don't be surprised if you find me staring into your eyes waxing poetic."

I shifted her onto my lap, her legs straddling mine, the photo album forgotten. "How do I love thee," I whispered against her throat. "Let me count the ways."

"I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my soul can reach, when feeling out of sight for the ends of being and ideal grace."

I cupped her cheeks, staring into her eyes as she spoke. Letting her word wash over me. Hearing that word on her lips was a gift I hadn't been expecting. And the effect on me was overwhelming. Did she love me? Could she?

What's more, could I accept that love? Should I accept it? Knowing that if I meant to have any kind of real future with her it would literally cost her life. The heat of her blushing cheek against my frigid palm. Could I steal that warmth from her skin? How could a man who professed to love a woman ask her for something so selfishly?

I love thee with the passion put to use in my old griefs and with my childhood's faith.

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose with my lost saints.

Much of that poem was about how the poet's love of her husband turned her away from her Catholic faith. She had given up her eternity for him. No doubt excommunicated for marrying an Anglican. But to hear her words in that poem it was all worth it to her. She valued his love more than her soul.

Any faith I might have had died over a decade ago. Staring into Carlisle's horrified eyes, hearing his horrified thoughts…

I shook my head. For so long he had tried so hard to convince me that I had a soul worth saving. Even after spending years giving into my base vampire desire for human blood. Years of taking life after life. He'd welcomed me back with open arms, not a thought in his head that I was damned for what I'd done. For decades he saw nothing but good in me. And in an instant, it was gone.

How could I deserve what I held here? This delicate creature, currently rubbing her cheek into my hand, like a kitten starved for affection. My love for her was entirely complete, as if I were finally whole. A quote drifted into my mind. Something I hadn't thought about in years and hadn't understood when I read it.

She is friend of my mind… The pieces I am, she gather them and give them back to me in all the right order.

A statement about love, yes, but also about friendship. True, deep connection between two people. I had thought of it then as almost selfish on his part. The woman he desired has lost so much through her life, so much taken from her. A woman with so little, in order to bury her child she'd endured horrible things. And what were his thoughts at the end of the novel? How she had done so much for him.

But now it took on a different meaning to me. Was this more about her selflessness, than his selfish need for her? Was this his way of thanking her for what she did for him? All without him ever having to ask her for it. She gave him something he didn't even know he needed right when he needed it.

Bella's mind was certainly a friend to mine. If only by the gift of its silence. What was I before her? An unfinished puzzle. All the pieces were there but out of order. And she could put me together. So easily. Just picking up the pieces and giving them back to me. All in order.

Does she need me how I need her? I wondered. I certainly thought so. She'd almost had a meltdown the night before when faced with the possibility of leaving me. What was her dearest wish, and could I give it to her?

I thought of my dream of keeping her. Pulling her to my silent chest, I inhaled deeply, another poem jumping to the forefront of my mind.

"The smiling rosy little head, so glad it has its utmost will," I whispered, into her hair. I decided quickly to change the words. "That all it scorned at once is fled, and I, its love, am gained instead! Bella's love: she guessed not how her darling one wish would be heard. And thus we sit together now, and all night we have not stirred, and yet God has not said a word!"