Chapter 9 - Back to Hogwarts
It turned out that James hadn't heard from Sirius, and as Christmas passed, Remus began counting down the days until they returned to Hogwarts. It wasn't just news of his friend he was anticipating. He missed the business and the life of the castle. He loved his parents dearly, but life in their house was so quiet compared to what he'd become used to over the last few months. He supposed you could only ever missed what you had, and now he'd had it, he missed it so much it ached.
On Sunday 2nd January, when the train had been organised to take students back to Hogwarts, he raced down the stairs to wait for his father in the hallway.
"Goodbye mum." He said, hugging her and feeling, not for the first time, an incredible guilt for the lies he was telling about her at school. "I love you."
His mother hugged him closely and stroked his hair. Remus knew she didn't want to let him go. But he also knew how pleased she was for him and his new, wonderful life at Hogwarts.
"Goodbye dear." She said, wiping her eyes on the back of her hand and helping him with his coat. "Be safe."
Remus and his father traveled the familiar route to where the portkey had been set up in their closest city and arrived in a disused staff room at King's Cross station.
"Pretty handy this, eh?" Another wizard who was accompanying his daughter said to Remus' father. "Lorna and I come from Leeds. Personally I don't see the sense in traveling to London then back up North again like a pair of yo-yos. But I suppose rules are rules!" He laughed and shook his head at the absurdity of the custom.
Remus and Lyall arrived at platform 9 ¾ with plenty of time to spare. Lyall went over to a little hut to get himself a coffee and Remus was left to people watch, an activity he enjoyed immensely, though one he'd have preferred even more if he'd been invisible and not having to worry about being bumped into or looked at by intimidating older students. Maybe he'd ask to borrow James' new cloak one day...
Dribs and drabs of students with their families filtered onto the platform. He waved at Lily Evans as she passed and she waved back.
And then, at last, there they were. He grinned as he saw his two dark-haired friends, pushing trolleys and chatting together alongside their families.
Remus could only assume they had bumped into each other before the barrier, as Sirius' family at least didn't look at all happy with their present company.
Though James' mother was chatting animatedly to her, Sirius' mother was scowling ahead, not showing the slightest bit of interest in the conversation.
Sirius, a few feet away, looked utterly delighted. He was chatting happily to James and his dad, and when he saw Remus, his face lit up even more and made a beeline for him.
"Remus!" He cried, clapping him on the back and grinning. "Blimey, am I glad to see you. How were your hols? Where's your mum and dad?"
Lyall Lupin rejoined them, holding his coffee which he moved to his left hand so he could reach out and shake Sirius' with his right.
"Sirius Black, I presume?" He said, smiling warmly at him. "Remus has told me so much about you."
Sirius looked at Remus and grinned. "Don't believe a word of it." He told Remus' dad.
"Are your parents here? I'd love to meet them."
Sirius' grin faltered. He glanced over his shoulder to where his family were still being subjected to Mrs Potter's impossibly friendly overtures. "If it's OK with you sir, I'd rather leave them where they are."
Lyall looked confused, but Sirius' strange words were made perfectly clear a moment later with the arrival of his own father.
Sirius' dad was a tall, imposing man with dark hair and grey eyes. Though he smiled at Remus' father, his eyes were cold and judging as they travelled down the man and onto Remus, as if he were looking for things to criticise.
"Orion Black." He said, shaking hands with Remus' father before turning to his son, who was looking anywhere but at the man. "Come on, Sirius. Your mother and I are leaving."
Lyall looked a little surprised by the abrupt departure. "It's really very good to meet you." He told Sirius' dad. "I'm so pleased our sons are friendly."
Orion's lip curled into something like a sneer. "Are you." He said, his cold eyes meeting Remus' dad's, who looked a little flustered.
He turned back to his son. "Don't make me ask again," was all he said before marching back over to where Sirius' mother stood, looking cross and irritable.
"Sorry." Sirius said, not meeting their eyes, and then he turned and left too.
"Well, that was unusual." Lyall said, frowning over at the Blacks, who were exchanging cold, insincere farewells.
Remus agreed. He knew Sirius' parents were more old-fashioned and seemed to hold a lot of store by blood purity, but the coldness and hostility of the man was quite alarming. How could someone so rigid and unfriendly have produced a child as cheerful and energetic as Sirius?
Speaking of, here he came again now, chattering happily with James and his family, clearly thrilled to be finally rid of his own oppressive parents.
"Hello James." Lyall said to the other boy, before moving to talk to Mr and Mrs Potter.
"Hi." James grinned at Remus. "Good Christmas?"
"Not as good as yours." Remus grinned back and James winked at him.
After many hugs, tears and kisses, the three of them extracted themselves from their parents and moved, as one, over to board the Hogwarts Express.
"Let's go in here!" James said, finding an empty compartment and leading them inside. They threw their bags into the overhead compartment and settled on the seat, James and Remus leaning out of the window to wave one last goodbye to their parents.
"Where do you reckon Peter is?" James said, once the train had started to move and the platform faded from view.
Remus had been wondering the same thing. He'd expected to see the other boy on the platform, but hadn't seen him at all. "He must be on the train." He said.
"Then why hasn't he come to find us?" Sirius asked.
"Why don't we go and find him?" Remus said.
And so they did, wandering up the corridor and peering into the compartments they passed along the way.
"Not this one." Sirius said, pulling a face and moving away quickly from the window he'd just peered through. Remus had a quick glance in as he passed to see his intimidating blonde cousin, Narcissa, along with a gang of equally intimidating-looking upper years.
They wandered all the way down the train until they got right to the very back and at last, in the very end compartment, found Peter.
He was sitting alone, huddled by the window with his knees to his chest, looking so small and lost in the otherwise empty compartment.
"Peter!" Remus cried, opening the door and coming to sit across from him. "Here you are! What's the matter?"
"Hey Pettigrew!" James and Sirius called from the doorway.
But Peter ignored them. He just went on staring out of the window.
Remus faltered. What was going on? "What is it?" He asked his friend again.
"Oh, nothing." Peter said, but his voice was sulky and it was clear that he didn't really mean it. "If you don't know, that is."
Remus didn't understand. "Why didn't you come and find us? We were wondering where you'd got to."
Peter turned back to Remus. His face was red and blotchy and he looked like he was on the verge of tears. "You didn't come and find me!" He wailed.
"Oh grow up Peter, we're here now." Sirius said irritably from the doorway.
Remus waved a silencing hand at him and turned back to his friend. "Peter, what is it?" He asked gently.
A tear leaked out of the corner of Peter's eye and his next words were so quiet that Remus barely heard them. "No one remembers me."
Remus felt his heart break for his friend. Poor Peter. He'd probably got here especially early, saved them the very best carriage on the train, and now he felt they didn't care.
"You feel like we don't remember you?"
"No one cares."
"You think we don't care?"
"I'm nothing."
"You're not nothing!" Remus exclaimed. He moved forwards and threw his arms around his friend, not caring that eleven-year-old boys didn't hug. "You're Peter. And you're a marauder." He glanced over his shoulder to where James and Sirius were waiting impatiently. "We're not us without you."
They spent the rest of the train journey plotting ways they would use James' invisibility cloak over the next term, which had the effect of cheering Peter up considerably.
In a show of organisation and discipline Remus had never seen his friends demonstrate with their studies, they had even pulled out a scroll of parchment to brainstorm ideas on.
James liked the idea of breaking into the Slytherin dormitories to terrorise Snape (details to be confirmed). Sirius thought it could be fun to explore the grounds and the forbidden forest. Peter was quite keen on re-visiting the kitchens, this time for a midnight feast. All ideas were noted, and James reassured them they would get round to them all. "What about you, Remus?" He said, turning to the only member of the group who hadn't made a suggestion for how they could cause yet more mischief. "What do you want to do?"
Remus was overcome by a wave of panic. He felt the eyes of all three of them on him and was filled with a sudden sense of inadequacy. Ought he to have an exciting, fun suggestion for adventure or mischief? Did the fact that a wild idea for an adventure or joke not come to him make him less of a marauder?
"I really don't mind." He said eventually, which wasn't strictly true, but he knew, at the end of the day, he would always do whatever it was his friends wanted.
Sirius gave him a knowing smile. "Well, if you ever want to use it to read by the fire and not be disturbed by anyone, you just tell us."
Remus smiled, but James did not. "No one is using my new invisibility cloak to do anything as dull as read under." He declared firmly.
The train gathered speed and soon they were speeding through great expanses of green fields and forests. "We must be nearly where I live." Peter said, peering out of the window as if expecting to see his house in the distance. No one seemed particularly interested.
Remus enjoyed the rest of the journey very much. It was wonderful being back in the company of his friends, and he listened contentedly as James regaled them with stories of his magical Christmas and Peter chimed in about his mum's cooking too. Sirius hadn't said anything but was watching the others speak with a strange, strained smile.
Fortunately, a distraction was waiting for them at Hogsmeade station.
Severus Snape was already on the platform when they four of them disembarked. He was standing with Lily, who, on seeing them, whispered something to her friend and gave him a little push forwards.
Remus looked at Sirius and James. They had seen Snape and, like dogs who had scented a rabbit, they had become very still and watched as the boy made his awkward way over with identical grins on their faces.
Snape finally reached them. He looked them directly in the face before saying very quickly "I want you to leave me alone this term." He looked back at Lily Evans who was nodding encouragingly. "I mean it. If you jinx me, hex me, curse me, do anything to me, I'm going to report you to Dumbledore and then you'll be expelled."
Remus thought it was a fair enough request, if a little harsh and blustering. He had to admire the boy's courage too. It took a lot to stand up to James and Sirius... He looked at his two friends, hoping and praying that this time they would be kind.
But Sirius' face had twisted into a sneer, reminding Remus alarmingly of his father, and James was laughing beside him.
"Aw, Snivelly. Has your girlfriend told you to stand up to the mean Gryffindors?" He waved sarcastically over at Lily.
"Or have you been crying to mummy and daddy?" Sirius mocked nastily. "Tell a teacher Snivellus and make all your problems go away."
This seemed to be the last straw for Snape. Without warning, he pulled out his wand and pointed it straight at Sirius' chest. "Expulso!" He shouted.
"Sirius! James yelled as his friend flew backwards and landed hard on the ground a few feet away from them.
As he ran over to help, Remus turned back to Snape. He had been looking over at where Sirius had fallen, but sensing Remus' gaze, his eyes snapped back to him.
Remus wanted to say something to him. He wanted to apologise for his friends' behaviour. He wanted to tell him that of course they'd leave him alone, he had every right to be left alone, and he was sorry there was even a need to ask.
But of course he didn't. He knew his loyalties must lie with James and Sirius. Unfortunately, Severus Snape was collateral damage.
By the time Sirius was back on his feet and recovered from the shock of the attack, Snape was long gone. He and James plotted all the way back to the castle (this time in horseless carriages rather than boats). James took out the 'invisibility cloak wish list' scroll and added another five ways they could torment Snape onto it. Exactly the opposite outcome of the one Snape and Remus had hoped for...
They were still plotting in the dormitory later that night and Remus, feeling thoroughly sick of the whole thing by now, took his new book down to the common room to read by the fire, however stupid James deemed the activity.
He'd not been there long before he was interrupted by the arrival of Sirius Black, his hair wet from a shower, and wearing his pyjamas.
"Hi." Remus said, smiling at him.
"Hi." Sirius said, moving to sit. "We've stopped plotting you know." He told Remus. "I know you don't like it."
Remus sighed and put down his book. "It's OK." He said. "I don't mind so much really. And it seems to cheer you up."
He considered his friend, wondering how much he dared ask. "You seemed like you needed cheering up." He said.
Sirius smiled, but it was a sad smile and it didn't quite reach his eyes. He looked suddenly very young. "How was your Christmas?" Remus asked for he had to ask eventually.
Sirius sighed and shook his head, not meeting Remus' eye.
"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." Remus said quickly.
"It's not that." Sirius said, his expression haunted and both much older and younger than his twelve years would otherwise suggest. "I was just wondering... Remus, do your parents ever hurt you?"
Remus stared at his friend. Was this what they did, his awful family? What did they do to him? And why didn't Sirius report it, if it was so bad?
He shook his head. "Not really. I mean... no more than the usual, y'know?" He didn't suppose there was a child in Britain who'd grown up without at least a smack on the back of the legs once or twice...
He looked at his friend. "Is it bad?"
Sirius was looking into the fire, his eyes far away and unseeing. "I dunno." He said eventually. "Maybe not. I suppose I just never know what's normal..."
Remus was quite sure that whatever Sirius experienced at the hands of his parents was not normal, but he didn't know how helpful it would be for him to hear that right now.
"You can tell me, you know." He said instead. "I promise I'll listen. And it's OK to cry." He added as his friend hastily wiped his eyes on his sleeve.
Sirius laughed and Remus was pleased to hear at least some of the joy was back in his friend. "You're the only person who's ever told me that." He grinned.
"Well, I'm not going anywhere so you can get used to it." Remus replied and Sirius smiled.
"You're a good friend, you know." He told him. "And as a token of my appreciation I will do my utmost best to delay Potter in his mindless act of terrorism."
"Thanks. That would be good." Remus said. As far as he was concerned his friends' attacks on Snape could be delayed indefinitely.
"I can guarantee a week."
A week would be nice. A month, or even a year would be better...
But Remus couldn't bring himself to feel any resentment towards his friends as he and Sirius rejoined them up in the dormitory.
They settled into their usual pre-bedtime chaotic routine. James was certain Peter had used his toothbrush and was demanding an explanation while Peter protested that he hadn't touched it and that it must have been Sirius. Sirius for his part was busy throwing items from his trunk across the dormitory. Some of these items did land, as Remus presumed he intended, into his open cupboard. The rest however, lay scattered around the carpet, on top of dressers and bedside cabinets, and some on Remus' bed. He picked up a stray black shoe and threw it back at Sirius, who caught it, grinning.
Something strange had happened to Remus over the last few months. Though his grades had remained steady and he hadn't grown especially taller it was like something expanded inside him. He'd never had friends before. He'd never had the chance to be someone's friend. It gave him such a sense of elation that he couldn't help but laugh as he watched James and Peter now wrestling on the floor.
Yes they were flawed, they could be unkind, stubborn, guarded, sometimes even cruel. But they were his friends. And really, when it all came down to it, he wouldn't change them for the world.