RPOV
It doesn't stop.
Even with my hands clamped tight over my ears I can still hear their shouting. The anger, the rawness and frustration connecting them as their boots stamp around the floor trying to gain dominance.
I knew this would happen. I knew it. All their aggression would explode and I would receive it. It would be a matter of moments before they dragged me out of my hiding place.
Stupid. So stupid. Why did I hide? Why did I fight back? No mercy is going to be given. It could have been over by now if I hadn't hidden.
Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid.
You stupid little bitch.
The Guardian's noise is eclipsed by the thundering in my head and then suddenly there's nothing. No sound. No yelling or grunting. Just nothing. Then slowly I begin to come back to the world. First I feel the hard press of knuckles against my chest, the tension in my fists, and my knees against my stomach. My nerves start to come alive again.
"Rose? Rose, it's okay."
Ben.
"Rose, please come out. You're safe I promise." He sounds out of breath and nervous but I can't open my eyes.
I can still feel the weight of the Guardian on me, still feel his breath on my neck and see the cruel greed in his face burned behind my eyelids. A violent shiver runs through my body as Ben's voice tries to coax me to come out.
I couldn't move if I wanted. I couldn't move even if I believed him.
I turn my face into the carpet.
He sighs and I flinch.
I hear his footsteps leave the room.
Good. Leave me here, leave me here, leave me alone. Please, please, please, please.
Under the floor, muffled by the carpet, voices are a low murmur…like hearing a radio from far away. There are quick tones and then strained ones that spike with anger. I shudder and hold onto myself tighter.
I'm okay. I'm cocooned under the bed, all sides visible and far away.
I listen to my breathing. I press my knuckles and knees tighter to my body.
I feel each burning prick on my cheek where the bruise sinks into the bone.
A soft noise makes my eyes snap open and I almost shrivel up when I see black boots to the far left of my head.
Dimitri's boots.
A tear slides over my nose and I clench my jaw.
The boots stretch out as he sits down, his palms pressing down on the carpet and then he lies down on his back. His face is on level with mine but he isn't looking at me. His eyes are closed. Red and purple make the crescent around his right eye, the only marks of the fight I can see.
He inhales deeply, eyes still closed and then exhales slowly.
"You asked me what a Blood Promise was before." He says quietly and my hand twitches over my heart. "It is, or it was, the most sacred promise in our world. When we still had a monarchy the sovereigns personal Guard would take the oath to protect and serve until the last breath left their body. Every member of the Guard made it and every member would honour it, no matters how severe an order, no matter how unethical. It's a dangerous promise, the most loyal. In very ancient days to break the oath meant to be put to death. To fail your oath was to fail your own blood, the blood you'd sworn by, therefore it was forever tarnished… the blood in your veins was spoiled."
He sighs and his thick, black eyelashes twitch upward. He stares up at the ceiling as he continues.
"Blood is the most valuable thing you can possess. What is more vital to living? Every mortal thing needs it. A Moroi replenishes themselves with it and to a Guardian, it roars in our veins in battle. Blood is honour, loyalty, family, love…life so we our strongest oath is sealed by it. A very dangerous sacrament… to swear to protect someone with every vital drop you own and there was no taking it back. No matter how corrupt or unstable those who you have sworn to have become. There can be magic in the oath but it can be just as powerful without. Honour is powerful to us. Dishonoured Guards wouldn't wait to be executed but take their own life in their shame." He inhales again, let it slowly and I find myself mimicking the movement, finding it soothing. "The Guard no longer exists. A Blood Promise is more less just a part of history. Some people blame the tradition entirely for how things are now. It is too heavy a thing to throw around."
His eyebrows furrow and his eyes follow something on the ceiling.
"I wonder how your mother knew of it." He murmurs. "If she knew the weight of the thing she asked. I suppose if she did then the matter at hand would be deemed worthy to it. A child, a King, both hold equal amounts of importance."
He turns his head a fraction so he's looking at me. His dark eyes are shockingly open, and unguarded but they're shadowed by something that makes me think of shame.
He swallows. "I almost failed you, Rose. I'm so sorry."
My brain is filled with static air.
"I have met Alec twice in my life and my instincts have always warned me about him. Today I put them to the back of my mind. I never thought he would try…" His closes his eyes briefly and clenches his jaw. "I never thought this would happen."
"It's not your fault." I whisper.
Somehow this makes the shame eyes pulse brighter. "I promised to protect you and you were attacked in mere days of being here. My failure is my fault."
"But you stopped him" My voice breaks on the last word.
Fire ignites in Dimitri's face. "There should never have been anything to stop. I should have left word with Ben…you will never be put through something like that again."
I breathe in and when I exhale it's like my lungs are clearing.
"Rose, please come out from under there. No one's going to hurt you."
A voice that sounded like my mother is back in my head, hissing at me to be wary, to know coaxing me out came before punishing me for hurting one of their own and resisting. What had nearly happened was destined to happen and now it would be worse.
Dimitri leans up on his elbow and reaches his hand out toward me.
"I will never put you to the back of my mind again. I will honour my promise."
I look at it for a long time until a thin pink line in the natural creases comes into focus.
My mother is still hissing at me when I uncurl my fist from my chest and reach across the space. His skin is hot to the touch, friction from fighting or just his normal temperature I couldn't tell.
He lets me wriggle out at my own pace, holding my hand lightly for encouragement. He sits back as I crawl out from under and sit up beside him, feeling exposed to the room.
He lets go of my hand to raise his own, holding it there to show his intent. I nod and his fingers lightly touch my chin to tilt my face up.
"It doesn't hurt." I say numbly, watching a point over his shoulder.
"That's a lie."
I swallow. "I've had worse."
"I wish that was a lie."
My gaze flicks to him to find that he's not assessing the damage but watching me, looking at me. There's something raw and vulnerable about that, that isn't the same as any other vulnerability I've ever felt. It's not...unsafe but unsteadying. I trace the bruise around his eye and the slight pink mark where my nail had caught him when he woke me up. Where he wasn't marked there was just tan, smooth skin and prominent cheekbones. And his eyes. His dark, understanding eyes that made me nervous because I didn't want to hide from them.
"Stay here." He says and drops his hand.
He stands and I lean back against the bed. I take a deep breath and a twinge bites at my side where I'd hit the bed when he'd thrown me. I pull my knees up to my chest, breathing through the aches.
Dimitri pauses for enough time that I glance up to see what's making him linger.
Watching me again.
He turns away as soon as our eyes meet and leaves the room, closing the door gently behind him. I try to listen to his movements but lose them on the landing. He's too stealthy. I catch slight wisps of voices from downstairs but so slight I could be imaging them.
For minutes I resist the urge to crawl back under the bed.
When light steps hit the landing and approach the door I grip my elbows telling myself it would be Dimitri. My heart clenches and then unclenches as he comes into the room and looks at me peering over the bed.
He holds up a staple I know too well. Ice wrapped in cloth.
Sometimes when I was little I would pretend I'd hurt myself playing so my mother would bring me ice. Me and Eddie would sometimes take it turns. The summers were too hot and we were whiny children who didn't know the difference between what we could endure and what made us uncomfortable. My mother was furious when she found out and the welt she gave me made long for ice more than ever. Eddie said it was ironic and when I looked it up in my book I agreed.
Dimitri kneels down in front of me and presses the cloth to my face. It's such a welcoming sensation that my shoulders relax and I reach up to hold the cloth myself, accidentally brushing his fingers in the exchange.
"Here." He urges, holding out a glass of fizzy soda.
I can smell the sugar.
I take a small sip and sugary bubbles ripple over my tongue. I drain half the glass and only stop because I run out of air.
"Easy." He says.
I'd apologise but the fizzing is still happening in my stomach and I hiccup.
"What have you eaten besides breakfast?"
The cheek that wasn't under the cold cloth was warming and I pray I don't do something like burp.
I hate my body.
"A yoghurt."
He starts to say something and then stops. He leans forward, reaching up past me and I freeze at the sudden movement.
He smells like the laundry powder downstairs mixed with something heavier, masculine.
He pulls back and presents a plate laden with the cookies that had survived the chaos.
"It would probably be okay for you to take a pain killer now but for my own peace of mind…."
I set down my glass and gingerly take up a cookie from the plate. This was not how I thought I'd be trying one for the first time. He sets down the plate as he leans back, cracking two small pills out of their foil case and into his palm.
"The other one is yours." I murmur, looking down at the cookie I held.
It was just hard enough on the outside and the inside should still be gooey. Ben had given me four and I was going to give at least two to Dimitri but the Guardian had only left that.
I still had my dessert hidden behind the drawers at the bedside.
Dimitri doesn't respond and I don't look up to assess his expression. I think he's about to refuse or insist I have it.
"I saved it for you. The others were eating them all and Ben said… that one's yours."
I'm going to need more ice for my other cheek.
He doesn't say anything and I don't look up.
"I see." He says quietly. "Thank you."
I watch his long fingers take the last one as I nibble, feeling a spark of satisfaction when I find I'm right, gooey chocolate on the inside. I take longer than Dimitri to finish eating and when I do I take a sip of my soda. I am full of sugar and bubbles, and my head is clearer. Cookies are better than I imagined and if I'd known that before coming here I'd probably be dead by now from stealing some.
Dimitri hadn't said he'd liked them. He'd eaten in silence.
He interrupts my thoughts when his hand proffers the two pain killers.
I take the cloth away from my throbbing cheek so I can take the pills and drink.
Dimitri touches my cheek, under where it hurts, and I go very still.
"It shouldn't swell too much. How is your arm?"
I concentrate on breathing regularly. "Better."
I wasn't lying. My burn is at the bottom of my list of injuries. The paste Keith had given me had significantly helped and it longer hurt that much. Last night when I'd cleaned off the green medicine the damaged skin had been a pink colour instead of red, the indentations her fingers had made had scabbed over. But it had started to sting again, getting angrier until I reapplied the paste, the cooling effect immediate.
Even now, after everything, the burn is dormant. Like a sleeping monster.
"Do you think the paste might work on this?" I ask, indicating the cheek his fingertips were resting on.
"Maybe. I don't think it could hurt."
Heavy footfalls sound on the stairs and I jerk back, my elbow catching the metal frame of the bed.
"It's okay." Dimitri assures in a firm voice, one I would trust if my attention wasn't half on the steps that now raced past the door. "They've gone. Voda and the others."
Despite his words, I'm still staring over the side of the bed.
Very lightly, he touches my wrist and my attention is no longer split.
"Rose, there is nothing to be afraid of. Alec's gone and he will never be coming back, not to this house."
I stare at the difference between our hands, how my wrist could be swallowed in the bracelet of his fingers. "It doesn't matter."
"What do you mean?"
"There will always be someone like him. I've always known this would happen."
Any relief and lightness I'd been feeling is crushed by the weight of the truth. Dimitri pulls back his hand and threads it with the other between his knees.
"There's a hole in your carpet." He says simply. "Near the foot of the bed…Alec needed his colleague's support in order to leave the house. It could be assumed that I'd aimed a blow at his abdomen, kidneys maybe, which I did and walking was too difficult…but there was also a bloody hole in his boot. Spiridon had to return his stake to him where he'd found it on the floor. Guardians do not lose their stakes, not easily." I can feel his gaze coaxing me to look up, to play into his words but I wouldn't. I didn't know how to play."How did that happen, Rose?"
I swallow.
"I could guess but I'd rather you tell me."
Strained seconds pass and my heart is beating in my ears.
I take a deep breath. "I took it."
"You took it? You took a stake from a certified Guardian and turned it on him?"
There is no mockery in his voice. It was just a question with a right within it waiting to be claimed. I got the feeling he wanted me to claim it, to take ownership of doing something so stupid and arrogant.
It could be a trick.
I clench my hands so they don't shake and I dare to look up.
His expression is composed, mild, but there's something in his eyes, something I don't want to disappoint.
"Yes. From his belt when he… I was… I don't know what I was thinking."
"You were thinking you had to defend yourself." He says, passion spreading through his tone in a way that picks up my heart rate. "And you were right to. You have good instincts Rose and as much as I want to promise that you will never encounter anything like this again I can't. I can only promise I'll do everything I can to prevent it…but I can do something else."
The zeal in his voice has heated up his eyes and I know something big is about to happen.
"I can teach you to defend yourself." He says. "No one has the right to touch you unless you want them to. Innocent or callous, you have the right to stop it, and if they don't listen I can teach you to make them."
I lean back against the bed trying to wrap my mind around the expanding idea in my head.
"You want to teach me to fight?"
"Only if you want to learn. Personally, I think everyone should know a little self-defence and in your case…you're only starting to learn your basic rights as a person. I'm glad you fought back, I'm glad you know some of your worth and I hope living here with us will make you realize it entirely."
"So I'm not in trouble?"
His eyebrows crease, "No Rose, you are not in trouble."
"Victor isn't angry?"
"Victor's furious but not with you."
His offer churns over in my mind. Learn to fight back? Learn how to stop punishments? But what happens when I deserve to be punished? No, I don't get punished anymore…Victor said… no he said I wouldn't do the same work. I had work to do but what if I messed it up? Would I still be punished but just in a different way? How would I suppress the urge to stop someone from hurting me? Even if I deserved it. Maybe if I knew I deserved it I could take it. Dimitri must believe so to offer me something like this.
Something that would help me not be weak.
To not be vulnerable.
"You don't have to decide now. The offer is always-"
"I want to learn." I say in a voice so firm I'd hardly believe it was my own a week ago. "I want to be able to defend myself."
He doesn't look amused as Spiridon no doubt would be and he doesn't look surprised like Ben would.
He nods approvingly. "Then I'll show you."
*Comes out from under Roses' bed with a white flag*
Ya'll are getting too antsy I thought I'd throw you the beginning of the next chapter. My excuses for this bullshit updating schedule are as follows: We had a house guest for two weeks, I started a new job and I had an American Lit essay due but guess what… guest is gone, work ends in two weeks and I have no essay due until next month!
I really wanted a Halloween chapter up in time for Halloween and I am AIMING to have Christmas on schedule.
So bye for now… I have a keyboard to burn up.
xxx
Updated 13/04/2022