RPOV
It was pleasantly warm, just the right temperature. It must be early. Perfect, it wasn't time to get up yet. This hardly ever happens, waking and having the sweet joy of knowing I had more time to sleep. Or feeling her pressed against my back before she'd move away and leave me alone.
I sigh.
Fresh cotton fills my nose.
Blearily I open my eyes.
Real life is sharp in my face.
Oh.
I was wrapped up snuggly between the large pillows, the thick duvet wrapped around me like a soft and warm cocoon, not the threadbare blanket or the shallow mattress.
My mother is not here. She would never be here.
I roll over and her pendant falls against my collarbone. I toy with it between my fingers and stare up at the white ceiling.
My cheek pulses beneath my eye.
Maybe I should have applied the salve to it but something held me back. Tending to my arm last night behind the locked door of the bathroom I kept glimpsing my reflection. All the small cuts, scars and bruises … I didn't want to hide them. It wasn't that I liked the marks it just felt wrong to cover them up like they never happened. They meant things. They reminded me that I wasn't staying in my rightful place. That I wasn't sure where it was anymore but I was still okay, my skin had been broken but I hadn't been.
Not yet anyway.
Was I going to break? Who or what would do it? Did it even matter?
If something broke in the world, when nobody in the world cared, did it matter it was broken? I could disappear and there'd be nothing to say I was here. The only person that cared about me I had disappeared from already.
The silence presses down.
I push off the covers and sit up.
My clock's first number is one lower than usual, meaning I had woken up earlier. I crawl to the side of the bed.
My feet touch down on the carpet, warm and plush. I pad toward the bathroom, bracing myself for the bite of the cold tiles but as I step through the doorway the stone is just as warm.
I change out of Dimitri's shirt and Natalie's pants into the Mistress's clothes which I'd left in here last night.
I turn the silver tap and eye one of the bottles Dimitri has left on the counter. It'd labelled 'face wash'. I pick it up and after rereading the back twice I pop it open. It didn't smell of anything. I splash my face and then rub a blob of it between my palms and work it into a lather. I glance up at my reflection but she doesn't look any more assured or confident than I did. I put my palms on my cheeks. After a few moments, in which my face doesn't burst into flames or start melting, I start rubbing it around, careful not to put pressure on my bruise
It feels nice.
I crack open one eye and peer at my reflection. Through the steam, I spy a frothy face in the mirror.
Oh no, ow, ow, bad idea! Now it's stinging.
Stupidly I try wiping at it with my fingers.
Oh hell!
I fumble for the tap and start splashing my face.
Stupid, special soap! I'd blinded myself, how was I going to explain that?
I search around for the flannel and when I finally find it I start wiping at my eyes. It would really, really suck if I went blind. I put the cloth under the tap and work at getting all the soap off, which had now made my skin feel kind of tight. I pat my face with a dry towel and start prodding my nose to see if it would loosen it up. Great, I felt like a raisin.
Was this normal? Why was my skin tightening? I look back in the mirror but it seems fine, although there were now small flakes. The bottle didn't say anything about this.
I go through the other things Dimitri had put under the sink and come across a blue jar labelled body lotion. The back says it's to soothe dry skin. It didn't say I had to wash it off or anything.
I stand up with it between my hands and look in the mirror.
What could go wrong?
Well, your whole face could start stinging like your eyes had and then you'd have to have a bath in the green salve.
I can only imagine how happy Keith would be if he got another visit from Dimitri.
Urgh, I'm being ridiculous.
I unscrew the lid, unable to completely smudge out the smirk on my lips, and sniff the white cream. It looks thick. I scoop a bit out by my fingertip to find that it is. I didn't want this heavy stuff on my face. I put a small bit of it on my nose and rub it over the parts that are taut.
I wiggle my nose and my reflection does the same, her nose smudged with white paste. I rub it in more and outwards over my cheeks, unraisining myself.
My skin feels smoother…maybe a little greasy. I'm glad I only used a small glob.
I tug my hair out of its knot and take up the new brush. I would wash it later. In the shower or maybe I could have a bath… maybe both. That was a nice idea.
I pull my thick hair up into a high ponytail but it still hangs down to the middle of my back. It pulled off my face makes the marks more noticeable but I like how high my cheekbones sat…how my eyes looked bigger.
I should let it down, pull it forward or twist my hair up modestly.
I stare at the girl in the mirror for a beat longer and walk out.
Something scrapes against my wrist and I look down at the cuffs of her sweater which have dough crusted into them. I'll need to put it in the laundry but for now, I pull the sleeves up my forearms and check the ankles of her jeans are securely rolled up.
I pause in front of the door and take a deep breath.
Another day.
Deal with what comes.
Bend, don't break.
Do as I'm told and learn. Learn as much as I can by watching and listening, even when they think I'm not.
You survived by learning.
I pull back the lock on the door.
The hall is dim and I can't hear anything as I pass Dimitri's room. I wonder what he looks like sleeping. He was always so alert and sharp so how would he look under the vulnerability of sleep?
I stop on the stairs catching the weight of what I was thinking. The only way I'd ever see Dimitri sleeping would be if I crept into his room to spy on him. I would never do that.
My nose has scrunched up at the thought of being a spy. Lurking about in the dark. He probably has a lock on his door like I do. So no one could spy or see us vulnerable.
An image of Dimitri watching me as I sleep unfolds in my head. Heat creeps up my neck and I shake my head trying to wipe the picture away.
That is inappropriate. And weird. I'm weird.
Eddie used to tell me so.
A shadow is being pushed back over my arm. The lights in the dining room and living room are slowly warming up the place with their glow. Are they set for a certain time or did they react to people's presence? There was one light that did that back at the Ozera's, on the porch at the front.
Me and Eddie used to try and sneak past it as a game. It always caught us.
When I reach the bottom of the steps the lights have turned right up and I wander into the kitchen.
I turn on the stove, not sure what I was going to cook yet but better to let it heat anyway. I grab a glass and turn on the tap at the sink. Above it, the window is streaked with water.
How would the outside smell? In the summer when it rained at the Ozera's it would smell of damp sandy dirt and blueberries. The rain didn't fall hard then or in the winter either. The window looked like someone is continuously pouring a bucket over it. I press my hand up against the cool glass.
There's a beep and I jump as the door swings open, water sprays forward as it glances off someone's black hood as they come into the kitchen. My yelp and the noise of my glass crashing into the sink would be enough to rouse the whole house so there would be no way of hoping the intruder didn't hear so I could run and –
"Sorry." Dimitri says breathlessly.
He shuts the door behind him and pushes back his slick hood.
I swallow and force words out.
"It's okay."
The words sound like they almost choke me but if he notices, he doesn't show it. He's pulling off his coat which water seems to be dripping off rather than soaking into. I busy myself at the sink, refilling my glass.
"You're up early." He comments.
I nod. "Do you want Coffee?"
"Sure. I need to cool down before I shower anyway."
I glance over, well I intended to glance but I end up staring. His hair is tied back at the nape of his neck and his cheeks are flushed, the pink complimenting the tan. He'd removed his coat and hung it up by the door. His shirt clung to him. A back material that looked smooth to touch and supple. It's also quite fine. The black outlined every rise and curve of his arms and shoulders. His chest isn't as defined by the material but it was rising and falling as it arched over the breakfast bar his elbows rested on.
"What?"
He's staring at my staring.
My stomach wants to fall through the floor again.
"What were you doing?" I vomit.
He unscrews the cap of the water bottle he'd carried in with him. "Running."
He takes a drink and I flick the coffee machine on.
"So why are you up so early?" He asks.
"Because I woke up."
"You didn't want to sleep on?"
I shrug. "Not really."
"I didn't sleep great either." He says quietly, so quiet I wasn't sure I was supposed to reply or not. I don't.
I pour out his steaming black, terrible drink and bring it to him.
"Thank you. Wait." I go still under the order. His dark eyes are trained on my face, on the bruise. "You didn't use the salve."
My chest has gone tight but my heart is still thumping normally.
"No."
He tilts his head. "Why not?"
"I don't want to forget it or pretend to myself it didn't happen."
I follow the vein in the marble countertop.
"I don't think any of us are going to do that. Doesn't the pain bother you?"
I shrug. "You can ignore pain."
"So I've been told."
I look up and his jaw is set and he's looking away. He brings his mug up to his tense lips.
"Do you have suggestions for breakfast?" I say, moving away to the fridge.
"Pancakes." He says, turning at the waist. "Do you like them?"
"I've never had them but I know how to make them."
"We're going to make banana protein pancakes." He says, sliding the stool back and standing. "And bacon. Sound good?"
That sounded very good.
"Okay."
We prep the pans and I follow his instructions in whisking eggs and mashing up bananas.
It was all going okay. I wasn't watching his movements out of the corner of my eye, my limbs didn't feel rigid or awkward and I was enjoying working beside him. Until he mentioned the oatmeal and I had to make that crap up. My nose scrunched right up to my forehead.
"Your face is going to get stuck like that." Dimitri says offhandedly as he checks the bacon under the grill.
I swallow a sticky glob and try not to grimace. It was food. I should always be grateful for food but the texture of this is like wet soil so it's hard to think of it as food.
"Blame this stuff." I mumble.
It's his fault really, he's making me eat it so he can live with my screwed-up face.
"It's not that bad."
"It is."
I feel rather than see him roll his eyes at me. I grin and pour more sugar into the bowl.
"The more you eat of it then the faster you'll put on weight. If you don't get diabetes first."
I watch the mush fall off my spoon and back into the bowl with a plop.
"How long do you think it will take?"
"Hard to say. There are different things you can eat to accelerate your progress but I think we should keep it as balanced as possible and not push your body to change too quickly. It's the same with weight loss, doing anything drastic in a short space of time isn't good."
I shovel up more goop.
"But how long do you think?"
"Patience is not one of your strengths, is it?"
The oatmeal halts before my tongue as I look up at him. His stern face has softened slightly and he raises his eyebrows as he turns back to the grill.
I realize my mouth is gaping open with a spoon half in it. I chomp down and yank the spoon out.
Damn it.
I scrape the last of it into one big spoonful, figuring I'd rather chew through this huge mound than have to do it three more times.
Dimitri turns to say something but pauses when he catches sight of my bloated cheeks.
Oh no, swallow. Swallow.
He turns back to the bacon.
I swallow hard, my throat aching with the effort. I reach for my water, the coolness contrasting with my hot cheeks.
"They should be up soon. I'm going to go shower. Are you confident enough to finish up?"
I nod, watching how his shoulder blades move under the material which hints that his back is as sculpted as his arms.
How could people look that solid and yet be…likeable? I remember how he'd scooped me up in his arms so easily in the Ozera's family room and at Keith's house. I'd felt the hard planes of his body then but mostly I realised how warm he was. I was nearly always cold, especially my hands. I wonder is that to do with being so…light.
"Right I'll-"
He's cut off as a voice sounds from above followed by rapid thumping as someone charges down the stairs.
Dimitri strides to the entry as Ben hits the foyer, sliding on the floor in his socks and spinning in the same instant to catapult down the hall.
"What's going on?" Dimitri barks making me flinch behind him.
He was a Guardian again.
"I forgot to reset!" Ben yells back, punching in the code. He's still in his pyjamas and his short dark hair was almost like Spiridon's. The door beeps and Ben yanks it open and disappears into the underground room.
"Reset?" Dimitri shouts after him, taking a few steps down the hall as Spiridon appears on the stairs as if out of thin air.
"What the hell is going on?" He asks, his face still bearing creases of sleep but his grey eyes are alert.
"I don't know." Dimitri says as Ben rushes back into the hall holding a laptop.
"Check your phones!"
"For what?" Dimitri asks, reaching into his back pocket.
How odd would it be if his trousers were the same material as his shirt? Thankfully they are not. I look at the ceiling.
"Mines spazzing out." Spiridon calls from where he's now leaning on the bannister, the little silver device in his hand.
Ben's stationed himself on the sofa and is punching the keys of the laptop balanced on his knees.
"Mine isn't responding." Dimitri says.
I lean over and see the screen has gone blurry like it's underwater.
Ben swears loudly.
"Should we be doing anything Ben? Do you need help?"
"I cannot believe I've done this." Ben grits out as his fingers skim across the keys, almost becoming blurred.
"Do I smell bacon?" Spiridon asks hopefully.
I nod.
"Wow, that's a shiner." He says, peering at my face.
I turn away so he can't see.
Ben swears loudly and the devices Dimitri and Spiridon are holding start making a horrible screechy noise.
"Will you tell us what's happening? Or should we wait until after it implodes?" Spiridon yells over the din, holding the phone away from him.
The noise cuts off and I see Dimitri's phone screen go black.
"Ben, what's happening?" Dimitri asks calmly.
Spiridon frowns and clicks the buttons on his phone, I guess it's has turned off too.
"Are they off?" Ben asks, putting the laptop on the coffee table.
"Yes." Spiridon and Dimitri answer.
"Good." Ben sighs and runs a hand over his head.
"An explanation? Anytime this morning please." Spiridon says.
"I forgot to reset the system so the virus I designed started wiping everything."
"How did you forget?" Spiridon asks disgustedly.
"So everything's gone?" Dimitri asks.
"No, I froze it. I put in a code to act as an anomaly and confuse the virus so I had enough time to shut down everything that stores our data. It should give me enough time to rewrite the security system."
Ben lets out a huge puff and sits back down, snatching his laptop back to his lap.
There's a silence that follows.
"So…all our technology is fried?" Spiridon says, coming down the last of the stairs.
"For now."
"Shit."
"How long will it take you to fix everything?" Dimitri asks and by his tone, I know this is a big problem.
Ben's shaking his head. "A few hours at least, six tops."
"This could be problematic. We have to pick Natalie up at twelve-thirty." Dimitri says.
"I'll get the boss." Spiridon says, taking the stairs two at a time. He's as light and as quick as a cat.
"I can't believe I've done this." Ben says under his breath.
"Don't you set reminders for these things?"
Ben pauses on the keys and looks up. He was ashamed behind his smooth expression. It's getting easier to read them. The impassive expressions are like the dark glass on the far wall, once opaque but becoming more translucent with the changing light.
"I did…then Sonya called me."
Dimitri crosses his arms. "You put your personal life second. You know that."
"I know. The ironic thing is that's what I answered the phone to tell her…and then the reset went right out of my mind."
Victor and Spiridon's voices drift down the stairs and I step back into the kitchen to prep breakfast and make Victor's coffee.
I pour the pancake batter into the skillet as the next room's conversation darts in and out.
"…Is there call to be suspicious? Are you entirely sure this is fault of yours?"
"Yes…I designed it to attack our data encase it got into the wrong hands. I didn't reset the master setting."
"…Not usually like you….disappointing….where does this leave us?"
Victor's smooth and grave voice was his worst one I decide. I'd rather he be raving or yelling at Ben. Instead, he is speaking to him like he had spoken to Master Ozera when he had shown himself to be the real game master who was changing the rules.
"So I can't reach my daughter on a secure line?... How long before our systems…"
I dish out one plate and add bacon. I pour the next mix into the pan as Dimitri's calm voice adds direction to the conversation.
"I think we should go to the airport earlier….scout to be sure… commercial flight…"
"Yes, good idea. Spiridon and yourself."
"Should we explain a little about our new pet?" I pause, the welfare of the next pancake balanced dangerously on my spatula. He meant me. I grit my teeth and with a flick of my wrist, I flip the pancake. It splits down the middle.
There's a reproachful tone and I can't tell if it comes from Dimitri or Victor.
"You know I meant it with love." Spiridon's voice is what an eye roll would sound like.
I shovel the pancake mess onto a plate. That would be Spiridon's. And he could have only two bits of bacon to account for making me stress so much over the cookies yesterday.
"I'll be the one to explain to Natalie about, Rose." Victor says.
A hard ball drops into my stomach and starts bouncing around. Natalie. The girl in the photographs was coming home. She's my age or close to it, I remember them saying that.
The pancake sizzles and I quickly flip it.
I dish it out onto a plate and make Victor's coffee as the chatter from the next room becomes a much lower hum in the background.
Would he be angry the table wasn't set yet? That ball starts growing and gets heavier.
I pick up the hot mug and walk as quickly and as composedly as I can into the other room.
Victor is sitting on the arm of the couch, a pen and a notepad in his hands.
"How did we ever manage without phones before?" He mutters and then perks up as I approach. Or rather, as the coffee does.
"Splendid." He murmurs taking it from me.
I swallow. "Should I set the table?"
Ben's furiously tapping away on his laptop and Spiridon's peering over his shoulder peering at the screen in distaste.
"No." Victor replies, his attention back on the paper he holds. He hasn't written anything.
I shift from foot to foot.
Spiridon is grinning at my awkwardness which makes the hot feeling pulse up my throat and blurt out words.
"Breakfast is ready."
Victor lifts his head and blinks before understanding dawns on his face.
"Oh yes, sorry. Sorry, I didn't quite make that connection." He holds his mug up. "It hasn't started working yet."
"I was wondering when it would be." Spiridon announces and pushes off the couch.
I glare at him and he winks.
I'm in danger of associating every cuss I've ever heard with his stupid face.
Ben's fingers are getting more frenzied on the keyboard and his face is locked in concrete concentration.
Victor glances at him and turns back to me. "I dare say he's not going to move away from that thing for some time."
He stands and starts walking to the kitchen and I follow, trying to be ahead of Spiridon so he doesn't take the wrong plate. Victor perches at the breakfast bar, his attention back on his notepad as he taps the pen against the countertop.
Spiridon at least gets out cutlery for them both.
I lift two plates out of the oven where I'd been keeping everything warm.
"The plates are hot." I say quietly, setting down Victors three perfectly stacked pancakes with a side of bacon and then Spiridon's which looks more like a destroyed omelette.
He frowns at it. "Did mine get into a fight or something?"
"Oh dear." Victor observes over his coffee. "But as long as it tastes good it doesn't really matter about presentation."
"I doubt Gordon Ramsey thinks that."
Who?
I pour out some juice and with my back safely to them I smirk.
"Delicious." Victor comments and my smirk gets bigger.
I lift the other plates out before the pancakes can become too dry.
"And is the bacon being rationed or something?"
Spiridon is well on his way to sounding like a child.
I take up Ben's plate to bring it to him and take out some extra cutlery. I see Victor is smirking down at his plate and Spiridon quite rightly looks annoyed.
"Maybe it is. You do eat a fair amount." Victor replies, trying to sound level.
Dimitri appears through the kitchen entry.
"I think Rose doesn't like me." Spiridon says. A hint of a challenge is in his voice as his grey eyes glare at me across the counter.
"I don't." I say so simply like my insides don't all start convulsing when my ears hear what my mouth has said.
Victor starts laughing and I scurry out of the kitchen. I don't dare look at Dimitri as I pass, even though I can feel the weight of his gaze on my face.
I set Ben's meal down on the table in front of him but he doesn't seem to notice. I debate poking him but I doubt he'd notice that either.
"Thanks Rose." He says in a rushed breath making me jump.
I hope he didn't think I was hovering for recognition.
"Would you like coffee?"
"Tea please. One sugar." He says and then swears under his breath as the computer beeps.
I try to sneak a peek but can't without it being obvious, although he probably wouldn't notice.
I straighten my shoulders as I walk into the kitchen.
Dimitri is leaning against the counter by the sink, the last bite of his pancake between his fingers while the other hand holds his steaming mug.
Spiridon's plate is clear. He probably licked it because there was just so little on it. Ungrateful pig.
Victor is still staring at the notepad on the countertop. He'd marked something down but I couldn't tell what it is. His fork is hovering over his half-eaten breakfast.
"This is ridiculous." Victor mutters.
"You're never going to remember her number." Spiridon says, his chin resting on his palm.
Victor drops his pen as I flick on the kettle.
"It just shows how reliant we've become and how we take these things for granted." Victor sighs.
"No, the technology is fine. It's Ben that messed up." Spiridon replies.
"Accident." Dimitri says.
"We can't afford accidents."
I was mentally pushing back all the cusses and bad names I knew so as not to call Spiridon by them accidentally. Ben had admitted he'd done something wrong but it couldn't be that bad, could it? Dimitri or Victor aren't angry. And even though Dimitri had said he didn't get angry often, he had been often angry from me being here but those situations called for it. I think. Maybe I just didn't like Spiridon being mean about Ben when Ben had been nothing but nice to me. Maybe it was simply just because I didn't like Spiridon or his voice, or his face or his stupid hair.
"You like tea?"
I'm pulled out of my bad thoughts by Dimitri's question. I look from him to the floating teabag.
Come one Rose, it's not a hard question.
I shake my head. "For Ben."
"Eat your breakfast." He says, making me move away as he steps over. He is still in that black, clingy material.
It wouldn't take long to serve Ben his tea. I didn't need help but I bite my tongue so I don't argue back, besides he's already striding away.
There's no room at the breakfast bar, Spiridon and Victor are on the only two stools. I take my glass of water and my plate and walk out.
I take a seat at the head of the dining table.
Banana pancakes are good. A little dry but that would be my doing. It was still really good.
"Do you want sugar?"
It was unnerving how tall he is when I'm sitting down.
My hair brushes my waist and I lean my head back. "No, thank you."
There is more direct light here from the bulbous lamps above the table and they showed the shadows of the lines and indents of his torso.
I think about my tummy.
I turn away and reach for my water. Bodies were weird. How they were different and yet the same and some were nice and some were weird and my cheeks are warm.
The shirt I'd slept in had been against both our torsos.
I take another gulp.
He pulls out the chair down from the one next to me.
"Are you nervous about Natalie coming home?" He asks.
I can feel him watching me but I don't want to look at him right now, or ever.
"A little bit." I mumble and nibble on my bacon. I was eating it with my fingers because it was annoying to cut. And I had seen Ben doing it before so I think it's okay but I glance up at Dimitri to make sure he doesn't look disproving. He's watching me intently but distantly. And I don't mean the actual distance between the damn chairs.
Maybe when Alec hit me yesterday he rattled my brain a bit. It was acting more erratic than usual.
"Natalie is a sweet girl. You'll see that once you get used to how…loud she is."
I frown down at my plate and tear off a piece of pancake.
"Does she shout everything or something?" I ask. Victor had said she was enthusiastic but I couldn't picture someone in that setting for a long time.
"She gets very excited."
"About what?"
"About everything really."
I couldn't picture this at all.
Enthusiastic: showing passionate interest in something or eagerness about something.
How could you be excited about everything? Everything almost overwhelmed me.
I look out the window to the magic garden. The purple flowers seemed to be glowing tonight and the leaves looked like they were made of shiny glass. It couldn't be a bad thing to be always excited if it leads to things as beautiful as that.
"She's nice. You have nothing to worry about." He says quietly as if to comfort me.
I turn to him.
"I've never known a girl my age before."
He considers this.
"Natalie won't have known anyone like you either. You'll be new to each other."
That brings me up short so I stare at him for longer than necessary. Like a dead fish.
"I have to go shower." He says, pushing his chair back and standing. "Try not to worry so much."
He strides away before I can reply.
I look back out at the garden with Ben's fast clicking background noise. The glass is speckled with raindrops and again I wondered how it would smell outside. Wet flowers and grass.
I pop the last piece of bacon in my mouth and watch one single drop race down and merge with another.
Would they run down Dimitri's back like that?
I twitch like I've been slapped and clumsily reach for the last of my water and end up toppling the glass.
The clicking stops.
"Rose, are you alright?"
A couple of hours pass in which I steam some of Victor's silk suit jackets, sweep downstairs and do the dishes. I couldn't vacuum because Ben had rooted himself to the couch and after taking five minutes to work up the courage, I asked him if I could put the television on. I promised to keep it low.
"Yeah put whatever on. Not F.R.I.E.N.D.S though, or Cheers or I'll get distracted." He told me, not breaking eye contact with the screen. It was all a jumble of symbols, numbers and letters that didn't make any sense.
"How do you read that?" I asked, unable to help myself.
He let out a breath that had been constructed to be a humourless laugh. He still didn't look away.
"With practice. It's a hell of a lot easier than Russian."
I didn't mind how Russian sounded but looking at the screen made my head hurt.
I was now curled up with yoghurt and a banana in an armchair watching Modern Family. I had tried eating and watching from the dining room table but I couldn't see right. Spiridon told me to move before I pulled something in my neck. It was just me and Ben down here now. Victor was upstairs and the other two has left, taking a car each, to go get Natalie.
"You'd think for security reasons." Victor had called to me as he climbed the steps with fresh coffee. "But sadly, Natalie usually comes back with three times more luggage than she went with."
The T.V was also helping distract me from thinking about how it would be when they came back.
I giggle as Phil screams at the Turkey he thinks he's shrunk.
Gloria is loud. Her accent is different but I was picturing Natalie having the same volume setting. Hayley's wardrobe looked like things I'd seen in Natalie's closet so if I tried to imagine Hayley with Gloria's voice maybe I'd be more prepared.
I end up laughing so hard I snort, trying to keep my mouth closed so banana mush doesn't escape.
When I recover Ben is smirking and glancing at me.
"Good to hear you laughing."
"Nice to see you smiling too." I murmur after a moment.
It was true, for the past few hours he'd been grim-faced and glaring at the screen. I wonder if his fingers tips hurt from hammering the keyboard for so long.
He sighs. "I still can't believe I screwed this up."
"What exactly did you do?"
"Uh" he draws out, his eyes following the stream of nonsense on the screen. "Well, I designed this security system and attached it to our network, which I also designed. There are other networks that can be easily hacked into, ones most humans would use. My one keeps all our data, contacts, emails, messages safe from hackers."
"Hackers?"
"Uh, like spies. I set up a security setting to erase and shut down everything if it wasn't reset by the right code before a specific time. The time was half eight this evening and yeah, I missed it, the system started imploding and I officially suck at my job."
I should stop being nosy now but I don't.
"Why did you forget?" I ask as he mutters 'lucky to even have a job' under his breath.
He mashes his lips together and glances toward the staircase.
"I was on the phone until late. My girlfriend, ex, I don't know, called and we got into a fight that lasted until eleven AM and I was mentally exhausted. Bloody relationships."
I had a vague understanding of what he meant. I had arguments with my mother that lasted all day, consisting of short, snappy words under our breaths or sitting in silence through our short meals and then falling asleep. She would always have the last word then because I'd be too tired to reply.
"Belikov's so pissed."
I frown. "You mean Dimitri?"
"Yeah. He's told me so many times to know where the line is and keep it far away from fucking up work." He glimpses up. "Sorry, didn't mean to swear."
"I don't mind."
"Victor does." He mutters. "I've nearly got this locked in, do you mind not talking to me for a while?"
"Sure."
I had yoghurt to eat anyway and I had to figure out why Cam is sitting in a tree.
The show stopped coming on and I couldn't be bothered finding out if I liked anything else. I dispose of my trash and get some more water, noticing again how grimy my sleeves were.
I could put Dimitri's shirt on while I washed this. Her jeans aren't so bad yet but I needed to wash my socks too.
I go upstairs and collect something from the boy's rooms that could be washed but after doing so many loads yesterday there's hardly anything. I decide it isn't worth bothering Victor to ask him if he'd mind me using up resources to get her sweater cleaned.
I slip into my room and change before bringing the tiny bundle of things downstairs. Dimitri's shirt is right down my thighs and I felt so much more relaxed. I wasn't restricted by the neatness at my hips and my wrists were no longer irritated by the scratch of dried dough. Also, my bandages are safer this way, more hidden.
The load looks pathetic in the huge cylinder.
Coming out of the laundry room I stand for a moment trying to decide what to do next.
I bring Ben some tea and then rack my brain for something else. Dinner is a while off and I didn't know if Natalie would want something special made.
I wander back down the hall and pause in front of the door to the garden. I glance at Ben but he's utterly absorbed. I punch in the code, praying that I've remembered it right.
The door beeps happily.
Clutching my water bottle in one hand I push open the door and step outside.
The air is mild and floral. The grass smooshed a little underfoot as it was still damp. I reach down and press my hand against the earth, it isn't too wet. I pad out down the large lawn and then sit down in front of the flower bed.
It's so peaceful.
It's hard to believe this is a summer's day. How cool it is compared to what I'd known. I could almost feel the furious touch of the Arizona sun reaching for my neck, a touch below scorching. No, out here was cool, earthy, damp and it made the floral smells sharper, sweeter. It's a smell I wanted to bottle and keep with me. I close my eyes and let myself submerge into it all, the soft breeze that rustled the leaves and carried their crisp smell and tangled it with the sweetness of roses and orchids.
The cold skitters under Dimitri's shirt but I don't mind. I don't even mind my bottom was getting damp. I should mind, my mother would mind but I didn't think anyone here would. I didn't think Dimitri would but he had told me off before for getting my socks damp. Maybe he would mind. But I was going to wash his shirt before I returned it so did it matter?
I lean my head back and open my eyes.
The sky is lovely blue behind the clouds that were the same colour as Spiridon's eyes. I drop my gaze to the treetops, great giants that guarded the house behind the fence that enclosed the garden.
What would it be like out there?
The memory of dark shadows, black trees and the dry crunching of twigs and pine needles rears up in my mind. Red glinting in the darkness.
The cold doesn't feel so nice anymore.
I stagger to my feet and force myself to walk to the back door, reminding myself about what Dimitri had told me about their wards. About the glass. About the panic room.
The fence wouldn't keep anything monstrous out but giving it one last glance as I shut the door, I'm glad it's there. I couldn't enjoy a garden knowing there was a great, wide world in view behind it which had things in it I didn't understand. Things that would kill me.
The door beeps.
I rub my arms as I round the corner to the living room. Ben is gone but Victor is in his place reading a newspaper. A plate peppered with crumbs sits on the table in front of him.
Victor looks up from his paper and smiles. He cocks his head toward the glass. "Marvellous spot for thinking isn't it?"
I clutch my elbows. "Yes."
"I'm glad it brings your some comfort in this big adjustment." He folds his paper and puts it aside. "Would you like to sit down? The boys should be back with Natalie soon."
Was it really a question?
My limbs have become locked up and awkward again. I sink down into the armchair and try to believe in his warm expression.
Victor is not like Master Ozera.
Where is Ben?
I try not to bite my lips. That was a tell.
"Are you excited about Natalie coming home?" I mumble, unable to look at anything but his knees.
"Yes. I've missed her. It will be nice to have her home before school starts. Then I won't see her until the odd weekend when she's bored enough to come home." He says, warmth lifting up his smile so it reaches his eyes.
All I can do is nod and tuck Dimitri's shirt over my knees.
"Although, maybe she will come home more often now that you're here."
Panic swirls around my lungs and I'm not sure why.
"Somebody more interesting than her dull, old dad."
"You're not dull." I say because it seemed rude not to and because it's the truth.
"But I am old." He says and chuckles.
I'm not sure what to say to that one and words are bashing into each other in my head so they don't have to leave my mouth. I grin instead.
"You are almost drowning in that shirt." He comments. "Another thing that Natalie will be more than happy to sort you out with. Do you know, I once took her credit card off her as a punishment and she then prepared a PowerPoint presentation as to why she needed it back. It lasted a good two hours and was probably the most work she'd ever put into anything academic."
I didn't know what a handful of those words meant but I got the gist.
"Did you give it back to her?"
"Yes." He laughs. "She'd gone through all the trouble to research maniac depression and the economy I figured it was punishment enough. Besides, if I didn't I fear what she would have done next, another hunger strike maybe."
A life where you had the option to refuse food in order to punish others and not be the one being punished, I couldn't bend my mind around it.
I realize I'm glowering at the floor and smooth out my expression.
Victor coughs and I see his legs change roles in which crossed the other.
"May I ask you something?"
I make myself look up.
Was a question really a question?
I nod.
"How did you learn to read?" He asks mildly.
My mouth goes dry.
This is something they don't want you to have, they don't think you deserve it but you do. We all do. Knowledge Rosemarie, it's the best gift I can ever give you but you must never show you have it.
"I can't." I say and the words are so false they hang in the air like a bad smell.
Victor's expression remains mild, his eyes intent.
"There's no need to lie, Rose. No one is angry with you. I only ask because my curiosity does get the better of me and also, I want you to know you don't need to hide things from us. We want the best for you and the more you know the better. Do you remember our conversation on the plane? You no longer belong to anybody, you don't have to hide or deny yourself things out of fear. One day, you will have all the freedom so many of us take for granted and what you want to do will be your choice entirely. Being here, you're an employee, you are just as valued as Spiridon or Ben or Dimitri and it is your home just as much as it is Natalie's."
I am too stunned to look away from his gentle gaze or to reject his words which are crucial and terrifying.
He uncrosses his legs and leans forward, elbows on his knees and hands clasped between them.
"You haven't been here that long and I realize it's too much to expect you to be comfortable yet but I need you to understand one thing, we have your best interests at heart. I had plans to hire a tutor to try and help with literacy but Dimitri had noticed you didn't require it. It was a fantastic discovery Rose, it is a fantastic ability you possess considering the life you have. Be proud and be proud of whoever taught you."
I would not cry. I would not cry.
I swallow hard and stare at darker lines patterned on the mahogany floor.
"My mother taught me." I say quietly and touch my pendant through his shirt. "And I had books."
"And writing?"
"I can write."
"Amazing!"
I jump.
He's grinning widely and I know it's genuine but it means his pointed teeth are showing.
"Sorry." He says, composing his smile so they're hidden once more. I should not have been staring. "They can be a little disconcerting, my apologies. How fantastic though, and no one knew you could do this I assume?"
I shake my head.
"I was told no one could know." Not even Eddie but I showed him anyway.
"I can imagine why." He says, the excitement in his voice diluting. "Where did the books come from?"
I had always assumed my mother had stolen them from places they wouldn't be missed, corners of the library or the trash but now….now I knew the things she would do for me. The things she would suffer through so I could have things. Maybe someone else did know about the books because they were the ones who provided them.
A wave of nausea washes over me.
I inhale slowly. "I don't know."
There's a slight pause that could barrel into being uncomfortable but Victor knows how to work with these situations.
He smiles a polite one, not one that reaches his eyes. I'm grateful.
"Well, your mother was obviously a resourceful and intelligent woman. Feel free to use our library and if you wish, when you're ready, I would be more than willing to hire a tutor to nurture your skills. Perhaps go as far as make them official qualifications."
I understand half of what he's said.
"Thank you."
He nods. "You are very welcome."
"Would you like some coffee?"
"I would love some, thank you."
I nod and get up too fast, forgetting more than half of me is tucked inside Dimitri's shirt and trip.
"Careful dear, I want cream and sugar, not broken bones."
"Y-yes. Sorry."
He chuckles and lifts up his paper as I try not to run to the kitchen.
I think what just happened was a good thing but I still felt like my guts are twisted.
I retrieve the milk and grab a bottle of water. In the cupboard, I find some plain cookies and put a few on a small plate. I chew my lip and then reopen the cupboard and take the packet out, taking one for myself. I nibble on it as the coffee reheats.
Cookies are up there with caramel yoghurts. I wonder if could I just eat them instead of anything else, although I did like bacon…and pancakes were pretty good. Who was I kidding, all the food had been amazing, like garlic bread and I am definitely ruined now.
"That should be it now." Ben's voice carries through from the living room.
"Should be?"
"It is. You can turn your phone back on now."
"Thank you Ben." Victor replies and then adds. "But for future reference, once is an accident and it's one too many."
"I understand completely. I know how incompetent this was of me and it will never happen again."
"Good." Victor utters.
I stand awkwardly, the plate in one hand and Victor's coffee in the other trying to decide if it's a good time to enter. They had been speaking quietly. They might think I hadn't heard and if I hadn't heard I would have walked in already.
I go through to the next room, Ben has gone and Victor has a cellphone to his ear. I put down his mug and cookies, trying not to disturb him.
"No answer." Victor sighs.
A bright light flashes through the window behind Victor and then another.
Victor stands up and I jerk back. He doesn't seem to notice.
"They're back." He says happily.
Another light flashes through the window.
Ben is suddenly there and he passes by Victor to the window. I can hear car doors opening and closing.
"Rose, go upstairs." Ben says, his voice flat and unlike him.
Victor comes to stand beside him to look out. He says something under his breath as Ben starts in the direction of the door. I'm just ahead of him as the door beeps.
"I'M HOME!" A girl's voice shouts, just before there's a blur out of the corner of my eye and something collides with the back of my legs so they give out from under me on the bottom stair.
"OH MY GOD."
I inhale and in my own ears, it sounds like a hiss. I'd fallen on my bruised side and the edge of the stair was not something that felt comfortable.
A hand touches my shoulder and coaxes me to sit up. Ben. He pulls me to my feet and I notice how he's angled his body to hide me as multiple voices are getting closer to the front door.
"Is she okay? Did I knock her out? Oh my god, I am so sorry, I was just trying to make a dramatic entrance but not the kind that knocks people out."
It's the same voice that had squealed as the door had opened and now it's running chatter.
"She's fine Natalie but I'm going to take her upstairs to have a closer look." Ben says, voice even and trying to keep me concealed between his body and the wall.
"Victor!" A male voice yells in greeting.
"Nat, what are doing?" Another girl's voice asks.
"I threw my bag through the door and it hit this girl and... I think I've concussed her."
Ben urges me up more steps and I can see the girl's shoes just behind Ben's boots, she's following us and as much as the chatter behind me is frightening I hope it doesn't stop. It meant they were all distracted. Whoever they all were.
"You haven't even been home one minute!" A boy's voice says and then laughs.
"I am so sorry." The girl's voice trills, following us up another step. "So so sorry, are you okay?"
"What's going on Natalie?" A woman asks.
"It's fine Natalie." Ben is starting to sound strained now. "Go sit with your father, I'll look after Rose."
A body darts past us and she's suddenly on the step above.
Her dark hair isn't long like in the pictures but had been cut up to just below her shoulders in soft waves. She's taller than I'd imagined and very lean like all Moroi seem to be. She had the same green eyes as her father, light and leafy but framed by darker lashes. There's a line of black on her eyelid that flicked out at the corner. It looked quite nice.
I only had a few seconds to think this before panic exploded through my stomach and her expression became one of shock.
Ben sighs in defeat.
"I've given you a black eye!" Natalie cries and covers her mouth.
Ben had one hand on my hip and one on my shoulder and I hadn't noticed until now. I don't feel panicked about it, I actually want to grab one and ask him to help me because she's just staring at me and I didn't know what to do but stare back.
"Oh my goodness, we should get some ice." The woman says.
"No, she did that yesterday. Rose is really clumsy." Spiridon's voice joins the nightmare.
"And she's very shy." Dimitri says and adds quietly. "Painfully shy."
"Give her some space." Victor calls to Natalie, gaining control of the situation. "Come downstairs and tell me about your trip, come."
Natalie bites her lip and looks back down at me. She mouths 'sorry' again and descends past us. I lean back against the wall and let out a shaky breath.
"Shouldn't we do something?"
"Rhea, don't worry she's fine."
The adult voices move away into the living room.
"Who is it Natalie's just assaulted anyway?" The boy asks as Ben pulls me up the stairs.
"Andre, shush. She's obviously embarrassed." The girl says.
"You okay?" Ben whispers.
I nod but really I'm not sure. I thought I'd meet Natalie sitting comfortably on the couch and we'd exchange awkward small talk and I'd ask her what she wanted for dinner and then hope she'd say something I could make and be nice to me.
Instead, she'd hurled a bag at me and knocked me down, while a stream of people had come in behind her to witness. If Ben hadn't been there I would have melted. Or thrown myself down the two steps and prayed it killed me.
We reach the door to my bedroom.
"Um, stay up here for her now. We had no idea they were coming back with Natalie, we should have considered that again that's my fucking fault with the phones. Sorry, Rose. I'm sure they won't stay long."
I get into the room and put the door between me and Ben, bar a small gap.
"Who are they?"
Ben leans in. "The Dragomir family. Just hang tight up here, okay?"
He disappears down the stairs and I close the door.
The people from the pictures now had voices and they were downstairs. They had just been mere metres from me and now they were just a floor away.
I could hear them laughing and talking, caught up in the excitement of seeing each other again and telling stories.
I sink down to the ground with my back against the door, listening to the crowd of people who loved each other. I tuck my knees up inside Dimitri's shirt and pull my mother's necklace out, pinching it between my fingertips.
Updated: 14/04/2022
I know I was a let down with this update but my Christmas was a nuclear explosion. Sorry to have disappointed any of you.
Hope your Christmas holidays were lovely and I'll work on update times. I'm actually feeling more motivated now there's a crowd full of people in the house and potential for some drama.
(I may revamp this chapter, the beginning seems rigid but I thought it was better to post something now than wait another few days.)
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