RPOV

I'm not sure how I end up back in my bathroom. I know I must have physically walked here, Natalie taking my elbow to guide me and shield me from the others but I feel like my head has been underwater and only now it was breaking the surface and able to see the world clearly again.

Natalie is rifling through the cupboard under my sink and I drag the last ten minutes from my memory. There had been the briefest of pauses when the words had left my mouth like dust off a closed book. Natalie's face didn't pinch in disgust or judge me in any way. She seemed to absorb what I had said and then pulled me to my feet. She told me to wait and then she left the kitchen to whisper orders and then came back to lead me up the stairs. They all must have been in the living room but no one spoke.

"I didn't even think about this. Well, I did but I thought, well I didn't think I had to explain – God, I'm stupid." Natalie says, pulling out a box and prying it open

I clench my legs tighter together. There is no way to move now. It had gotten worse with the walk up the stairs jostling everything around. The back of these pants are wet now too.

I push back against the hot press behind my eyes.

Natalie pulls out a white plastic-looking slip. "Okay, right. Panties."

She disappears in a whirl of gold into my bedroom and I hear her opening drawers. She comes back holding a bundle of fresh clothes. I can't even look at her.

"Okay." She repeats and I get the feeling she's encouraging herself. She kneels in front of my perch on the toilet so I have to look at her. She holds up that plastic strip. "This goes inside your underwear okay? It will soak up everything. Just change it every couple of hours or when you need to+, okay? This bit comes off and you put it here."

I nod to show I've followed what she's said even if I don't understand. She turns on the shower and instructs me to change and then leaves. I undress with shaky hands and step into the hot water that may as well be ice cold.

I'd failed again. A reoccurring theme with me.

I wash numbly and then step out of the water and do as Natalie says. It's weird at first and I wonder how this pad is going to secure everything but I have no choice but to trust Natalie. I pull on the pj's she brought and I'm tying the elastic at my waist when she knocks on the door. I bundle my old clothes together as if hiding the stains will mean they're not there.

Natalie slips back into the bathroom. "There, that's better."

I nod but can't bring myself to speak. She grabs another towel and makes me sit back down on the toilet. She undoes my braid which I realize is sopping wet and starts to dry my hair. When she's done she scoops up my dirty clothes and dumps them in the hamper. Either she doesn't notice my twitch, a compressed instinct to take it from her, or she ignores it. The bottom of her dress is sweeping along the moisture collected on the tiles.

My stomach tightens.

"Paracetamol" Natalie announces like she's going through a mental list. She ducks back into the cupboard. "My cramps are a bitch too, well they were until I started birth control and now I have no excuses for crazy cravings. Have you been having any of those? Now everyone judges me when I want cheese puffs and Reese's sandwich."

While she'd been talking she'd rinsed out the glass that holds my toothbrush and filled it with water. She holds out two little white tablets.

"What's wrong?" She frowns. When I don't respond she kneels and more gold material meshes against the slick tiles. It's going to get ruined.

"I can't…I…Dimitri said I have to eat before."

Natalie's shoulders deflate and I feel her gaze weighing down on me. "You lied to me earlier." I take my eyes off the floor at the sound of the hurt in her voice. "Why did you lie to me?"

I knot my hands together. I'd spent the whole morning wanting to hide everything and now it seemed very important to expose it all because maybe that would take the wounded look out of her eyes.

"I wanted it to stop. It always stopped before and went away but it wasn't this time. Because I have…because I eat here."

Her eyebrows almost touch. "And you thought not eating would make it stop? Oh Rose no. This is natural and yeah it can bloody hell, no pun intended, oh my god I can't believe I said that, anyway. It's a sign you're getting healthy. I get why you got that idea but this is not the right way to handle it. I should have thought more about it, I mean it's not like Dimitri purchased the sanitary towels but I just … assumed." Natalie puts her hands over my fists. "We might be really different but I'm your friend. Rose, if you need help with things like this then tell me. It doesn't matter if I'm at school or here or it's the season finale of America's Next Top Model just tell me. 'Friends' mean if you have a problem I have a problem and between the two of us we're gonna come up with a solution. Okay?"

For once I let myself believe. "Okay."

She pats my hand. "Food, tablets, bed." She takes my hand and leads us out of the bathroom. She tucks me in and I can't help but wonder did she think I would sit in the bathroom all night if she didn't.

I probably would.

I almost drift off but the click of the door snaps me awake. My head is light and somehow heavy.

"They're all having kittens down there." Natalie says, managing to sound so laden with exasperation that it could knock her over. "I'm not you so I just grabbed what I could. They're gonna get takeout but I figured you wanted to sleep."

She means hide.

She puts her loot down on the bed, a packet of chips, a caramel yoghurt and a ragged cut sandwich with what looked like chicken and tomato inside the crust. I notice then the woollen thing tucked under her arm.

"Hot water bottle." She explains, lifting the comforter and shoving it underneath. The heat surprises me but I like it. "It helps with the cramps."

I gingerly pick up the sandwich. "Who has kittens?"

"Huh? Oh. I meant they're freaking out. Just worried, I mean you did face plant the counter. How is your head by the way?"

"I've had worse." She shifts uncomfortably and I remember when I'd said the same thing to Dimitri. "I'm okay. It sounded worse than it was."

"Hard head." She grins but her heart isn't in it.

"What did you tell them?" I mumble.

Now she looks apologetic. "I vaguely explained. 'Women's stuff', it's not a topic they like to wade into, not even tough Guardians."

She sits down on the edge of the bed watching me expectantly. I bite into my sandwich. They all knew then or guessed. I never want to leave this bed.

The food hits my stomach and it goes for it like a rabid animal.

"I'm sorry you're late to your party."

"Oh don't worry about it. They'll be fine without me. They've been doing this for a couple of years now. They know the partying ropes."

"I'm sure Dimitri could get you there on time." He could probably make the trees move if it meant a shorter route.

"It doesn't matter."

The sandwich pauses at my lips. "What do you mean?"

Natalie picks at the gold fabric of her skirt. "It's just one party, no one will miss me."

"Now you're lying to me." Natalie looks more surprised than I am but I carry on before my voice gets smothered by self-consciousness. "You've been looking forward to this. You've put so much work into it, you can't miss it, Natalie."

"But-"

I lower the sandwich to my lap. "Please, don't let me be the reason you don't go. Lissa is there waiting and all those people." Natalie bites her lip, resisting even though everything I'm saying is true. I try to make my voice light. "It's not fair on your dress either. It deserves to see more than the inside of this house." She runs a hand over her skirt. Her nails were a healthy, pink pearl colour until the tips, they were gold. She'd made so much effort and I knew she wanted to be there. There's also one person in particular who she'd kept mentioning and I knew she missed. "Ralf will be waiting, won't he?"

She chews her lip. "Will you be okay on your own?"

I nod. "I'm only going to sleep."

God knows how I was going to get up tomorrow and face them all.

"You remember what I said about changing?" I drop my gaze and nod again, picking up my sandwich. "Finish that, take the tablets and that should help with cramps. I'll tell the guys not to bother you…and if you need anything, I mean anything, you call me got it?"

"I understand."

Her hand reaches across the blanket until it's resting on my thigh. "Do you?"

I look up and instead of pulling a shutter down, instead of telling her what she wants to hear as an obedient Dhampir should, I consider it all. I let my answer be weighed up by feeling and not just what my head is telling me. Could it really be that easy? Could I really accept exerting some dependence? It wouldn't be for that long and if it helped me learn…

"Yes. I'll call you if something happens."

"Or if you have questions."

"Or if I have questions."

She takes a deep breath and sits up straighter. Some glimmer returned to her eyes. "Well then, I better get to my ball."

Despite being inflated by her infectious energy she refused to leave until I'd eaten the sandwich and swallowed the tablets. And even then she fusses with tucking the blankets in around me and sealing in the warmth.

"You'll eat the rest won't you?"

"Yes." I mumble, sleep coaxing my eyelids to close.

"I'll be back by five. Six at the latest."

Time is something that didn't matter anymore. I am neither here nor there or anywhere. I am just warm. Falling away into sleep is easier than it has been in a while. My senses are utterly spineless, not straining to stay alert until the last possible second and all because a part of me had signed myself over into trusting someone else with me. I may have taken a step backwards but it felt so much easier, it felt like peace.

I sink into dreaming.

Somewhere in the warmth and tranquillity I think or imagine something pressing against my forehead, light, tender and soft. It sends me to a place where the trees are tall and a little boy is running ahead of me and I have to chase him.

A part of me is awake but the rest of me is sleeping. I want the conscious part to slip away again, disappear into the smell of fresh cotton and the feel of a thick blanket, soft mattress and most importantly, how dry and stable things are. I want to but I can't.

A small sound, like a boot chaffing on the carpet, pricks my ears. The rest of me wakes, my limbs locking and the hair on my neck standing on end.

"I didn't mean to wake you."

I roll over and look up at Dimitri. "You're not very quiet." He raises an eyebrow and I try to wipe the sleep from my eyes. "Not like you were the night in the woods."

"I didn't realize leaving you water required the highest degree of stealth."

"It does."

"Ears like a cat."

I push myself up hoping the haze will clear with leverage. "What does that make you? The mouse?"

"I'm not quite sure what metaphor we're using now."

"What's a metaphor?" I'm adjusting to the shadows so the planes of his face are becoming visible. In the back of my mind, I knew a Guardian standing over me in the darkness, cloaked in shadows with an unreadable expression should be terrifying but it isn't. It isn't until I remember what sleep had made me forget. I sink back into the pillows. "Did Natalie go to her party?"

In a move that is either bold or rude, he sits down on the very edge of the bed. I resist moving away. "A metaphor is a figure of speech in which a word or phrase is applied to an object or action to represent a symbolic meaning. And yes, Natalie left nearly two hours ago but left explicit instructions."

The metaphor explanation is digging some forgotten knowledge out of the pit of my mind. I needed to go over the 'M's in a dictionary. "Instructions?"

"To not disturb you unless you needed something."

"Not very obedient are you?"

"I was aiming to bed the rules not break them but I woke you up."

"With your stomping."

His teeth flash in the dark with a small chuckle. My heart clenches in such a way that I think about moving over again. I pluck the cover. "Thank you for the water."

"How's your head?" He returns.

I want to roll off the bed and under it. There's a hidden sentence in the question and it read along the lines of 'you lied to me, you lied to me, you lied to me'.

"Fine. Really okay, I only clipped the side."

"Only." He repeats in an unexpectedly hard voice.

I bite my bottom lip. "I'm...sorry I lied to you."

"You didn't lie to me."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"That's your choice, don't be sorry."

I look up and wish I hadn't adjusted to the dimness so I couldn't see his face clearly. "Then why are you upset?"

"My emotions are my responsibility, you aren't responsible for how I react to situations."

I consider this. "What way are you reacting?"

He looks across the room and back again. He takes a deep breath, his chest rising and falling in a way that makes me want to put my hand to it. "I don't like seeing people suffering and being powerless. I didn't like that you were quite obviously hiding something that was hurting you and I couldn't help. I don't like seeing you hurt."

I might have swallowed my tongue. I have to roll it twice before it works again. "Natalie was angry with me."

"Because she cares."

I grip the mattress. "I'm not used to this. People being upset because I'm not whining or asking for help." Somewhere in the sentence, my eyes had started to burn and my voice had started to thin. I clear my throat.

"There is no shame in asking for help."

"That's not how it feels." I press my lips together, the ruined clothes burning in my mind.

"There is no shame in asking for help." He repeats. "There is nothing you could tell, or ask, of me that I will judge you for. Or the others, you have had a completely different life with different rules. An unfair one."

I'm shaking my head without realizing it. "I couldn't tell you that. How could I tell any of you that."

"Rose, it's natural-"

"Don't." I hold up a hand. I couldn't have him talk about it. "Don't"

He seems to deflate a little bit.

How is he even balancing on the edge of the bed, his ass is hardly on it…Guardian skills.

We sit in silence for a minute and I wonder when he'll excuse himself. I didn't know if I wanted that or not, even though I should want it.

"They all know don't they?" I utter.

"Yes. Natalie had to tell us. Victor was very concerned. It's nothing to be embarrassed about."

My head snaps up. "Of course it is. How isn't it? Everyone knows, everyone knows that I can, that I have-" Suddenly there is a lot less air in the room and he is rubbing between my shoulder blades and making calming noises. A part of me wants to shove him off the bed. "I can't let it happen."

"Let what happen?"

I inhale and exhale three times over. "It started again and it means, it means I can have a child and I can't let that happen. I can't."

"That's not a risk. I told you. I promised." He says each sentence with heavy emphasis.

I tilt my head back and try to focus on the small chandelier. "But it can, it might and I...I can't stop it and I can't turn into her."

"Who?"

I drop my pleas from the ceiling to his face. "I can't look at someone the way she looks at me."

His hand encloses mine, the warmth enveloping the cool and becoming a cantered calmness to the trembling. He's no longer perched on the edge. "That is not going to happen. And you cannot punish your body to compensate for improbable possibility."

"But it's not improbable," I say, voice cracking.

His hands are on my shoulder and centring the earthquake in my head. "No one is going to hurt you like that. No one is going to take a choice like that from you and make you unwillingly become a mother."

He passes me a tissue from my bedside and I wipe away the wetness on my cheeks. I'm glad it's dark. I know he can see just as well as I can but all the same, I'm glad it's dark.

"Don't punish yourself anymore. Not for old rules, not for anyone. You have to be your priority now. Nobody else's happiness comes before your own and I swear to you, I will help you in any way I can but you have to let me. You have to let us all help you when you need it."

I breathe that in.

Could it be that easy now? Could it be that simple? Could it be that hard?

Not worrying about what everyone else thinks or will do or will feel or react? Could it be as simple as knowing to help myself I could inconvenience someone else? Could it be as hard as putting my needs forward and hoping someone else will help me? Is this what my new life was going to be? I had to be dependent on some things to really be independent? Natalie had shown me how to deal with it, control it and now I would never have to ask again.

"Happiness." The word tasted funny on my tongue. It's a vague memory, happiness. I remembered it like seeing something through water, a boy showing me how to climb trees, run as quiet and as fast as the wind, stealing a leftover scone and splitting it with me, getting the bigger half. Having daisies woven into my plaits on my birthday.

"Yes." He urges in one quiet breath. "If anyone deserves it, it's you."

His touch, light and warm, gently pushes on my shoulders until I'm lying back against the pillows.

"You're safe here, Rose."

I'm starting to believe that and it's frightening. With the last ounce of consciousness, I open my eyes but there's no one on the edge of the bed or in the room. Maybe there never was.

Sleep drags me under.

"What do you think is out there?"

"Out where?"

"There."

I follow his eyes over the blueberry bushes and to the treetops where they touch the navy sky.

"More trees." I shrug and go back to drawing squiggles in the dirt.

"That's it? What about the metal carts they come here in? And people like them who wear nice things and eat nice things. Where does it all come from and who makes it all?"

My dirt crusted nail pauses mid-wave. I knew where it all came from, knew the names of the places. 'Shops' and 'factories' although I had no images to go with the words. I couldn't tell him that.

"Where did our mom's come from?"

"They don't like that."

"Yeah, I know but don't you wanna know? Janine sounds different sometimes and my mother talks in her sleep about things. I wanna know what's out there. I wanna know where…" He looks around and immediately I do the same. We were under our favourite Oak, on the very edge of the orchard where we could see everything but they could seldom see us. No, not seldom, a word like that makes him ask questions. They couldn't see us here unless they were close and the closest one was six trees away staring at the Others working in the berry field. "I wanna know where they come from. They are like us but-"

"They're nothing like us, Eddie."

"Yes, they are! They're not like them, they serve them."

"They are not like us, Eddie. We're nothing."

His hazel eyes harden over like treesap. "I'm not nothing."

He was annoying me now. "Yes, we are."

Eddie springs up. He glares down at me just as mighty as the Guardians can and for a moment I see that he is like them. He kicks his dirty foot through my drawing, the dust flying up into my face and when it clears he's gone.

He wasn't going to play with me now. Maybe never.

I pout down at my ruined picture and then try smoothing it out. The dirt had gotten under my nails and I was going to have to clean them soon or mommy would get mad. When the ground is new again I glance around before puncturing the ground with the tip of my finger, dragging it down. Then a loop that connects to the line like the sun on the trees. One line takes off from the bottom of the curve like a bird soaring to the ground. Then a circle. A squiggle and then a 'C' with a face.

My heart beats faster as I look down at my new picture.

"Rose."

That was my word, I was a word. I didn't know what picture went with Rose, I'd never seen me. The only picture I have for my word is dirt. I am dirt. I am nothing. I drag my fingers through it and head back across the orchard to wash my hands.

Maybe Eddie would play with me tomorrow if I told him he wasn't nothing to me.

The navy sky spills down over the house and comes rushing toward me in a wave of velvet and stars.

I stretch out in bed, ready to roll over and back into dreams when the back of my hand collides with something solid. My eyes snap open and focus on the face cradled on the other pillow.

"Hi." Lissa whispers.

I blink to make sure I'm not still asleep. When she's still there I shimmy onto my side to face her.

"Hi."

Lissa makes a small noise in her throat. "Is this okay? I didn't want to be on my own."

I nod against the pillow and it surprises me it's not a lie. Lissa tucks a loose tendril of gold behind her ear and I notice her bare shoulders. Even in the dark, her skin is almost pearly but it had more lustre, a pink undertone, nothing like the Strigoi in the forest. Against her pearl skin is emerald, fitted to her chest in a flattering way. It accentuates her shape, her small chest and I couldn't help but feel a spark of envy as well as the nipping at my ribs. Below her bust the torso turns into sheer black panels, emerald lace spread over it like ivy. The comforter is tucked around her waist so I couldn't see the rest and that's disappointing.

"Is the party over?"

Is Lissa staying here tonight and I was in her usual bed? It had been the guestroom. I hope she doesn't kick me out. I could move over and I wouldn't take up that much room.

"No." Lissa says quietly. "It's still going on. It's only three I think."

"Are you okay?"

She looks up at me and her green eyes are naked. Lissa always said she was fine and smiled. Even when her demeanour shifted and she retreated from Natalie's wild chatter or looked a million miles away from the TV show we were watching. She'd catch me watching her and she'd smile and say she was fine. Now she looked like she had when she told me about the darkness that crept up on her. Maybe it's with her now.

"No." she says. "I don't even know why. I mean, all my friends are at that party, my brother... Natalie did such a spectacular job with everything. Gold and red balloons, waiters in matching colours, mocktails, codes to tell the servers so they'd lace the drink with alcohol, mini foods we'd actually like, like mini-cheese burgers, not obnoxious stuff. Three-foot high chocolate fountains in different flavours…."

The words were nice but her tone was empty. "Sounds nice."

"Yeah." She murmurs. "My boyfriend was there, my family, friends…and I just felt totally alone. That's so stupid, right? And so selfish to complain to you about, but I just felt like…" She pauses to take a deep breath and I know she's trying not to cry. I resist the urge to rub her arm. "I felt like I had to pretend and I really didn't have the energy to. I had to pretend I cared that all the stuff they were talking about, people, gossip, homecoming, hook-ups…I just kept thinking why does this matter? Bigger things are going on….everything is vapid. And I love those guys but I just…none of it matters to me anymore. So I argued with Aaron and I left my own house."

I clench the pillow as my curiosity gets the better of me. "What did you fight about?"

She sniffs. "He said he loved me and I didn't say it back. I just froze. I couldn't even be kind and say it automatically…I didn't say anything."

"Do you love him?"

"Yes. Just not the same way he loves me, or he thinks he does." She wipes her cheek. "I just couldn't pretend anymore." She sighs and looks at me again. "And then I came here because I feel like when I talk to you I really talk to you and you listen to me. This is so selfish I'm sorry. I woke you up when I know you'd had a bad night…Natalie told me. I hope that's okay, she's worried."

I try not to get embarrassed. Thank god it's dark, I doubt she minds pretending she doesn't see my discomfort. "That's okay and I don't mind you waking me up. You needed someone to talk to."

"Not just that. I wanted to be here. I wanted you to be there, you should have been in that room. When Natalie told me what happened...well, it just made it even more clear, none of that shit matters. You...you matter. What happened to you matters and..." She blows out a huge breath and touches her forehead. "I'm sorry, I'm...I'm being a lot. I missed you, that's all."

My heart manages to swell despite the odd feeling of being on edge, pushed to it when she started talking about what 'happened' to me.

"Because we're friends?" I murmur.

"Exactly." She smiles and that warm pressure pulses behind my eyes.

I swallow and scrabble for the right thing to say. "I'm sorry you had a bad night."

"I'm sorry you have to. How do you feel?"

I think about it before saying what's on standby, 'I'm fine', exactly like Lissa did. "Sore but okay. It's better now. I think it's a good thing that Natalie found out."

She turns on her side, her dress rustling under the covers. "I bet. It's hard enough as it is and at least this way you get the three guys tripping over themselves to be nice to you. Three tough Guardians and the mention of a menstrual cycle and they become like little boys. Ridiculous."

If I hadn't dreamt it then Dimitri hadn't acted like a child. Actually, he had made the whole situation seem normal, like discussing anything typical. But it isn't typical, it makes me cringe so hard my skin could peel off and then I'd admitted it to him, the thing I fear the most.

And he'd..he'd told me to be selfish. He'd told me to be happy and even though I told him to not promise me anything again, his tone was laced with promise.

"I'm embarrassed." I admit.

"Because your tough and you wanted to handle it on your own."

That takes me by surprise. She thinks I'm tough? Not weak, embarrassing or stupid...

I swallow. "Are you…are you and Aaron going to be okay?"

"I don't think so…and yano I think I'm relieved and I feel really guilty about it." She sounds like she was going to cry again so I scoot closer to her not knowing how to help. Is listening enough? How do I hug her lying down? "Everything that mattered last year doesn't anymore and I'm not going to lie about it anymore."

"Lying's hard and everyone seems to get hurt that way." I say, the past few days have shown me that.

"Yeah." She exhales. "Casualties all around."

We lie there for a few minutes, letting the dark be our audience and lost in our thoughts. It's nice being able to be quiet with someone. It's nice knowing they're comfortable with it too.

Lissa sighs. "I'll fix it tomorrow." She tucks her hands under her head and her eyes focus on me instead of her troubles. "So do you want to go back to sleep or do you want to eat?"

I don't have to think about it. "I want to eat."

Lissa grins. "I always need chocolate. That sounds so stereotypical but I mean I eat a serious amount of chocolate. I eat it with chips, fries, add it to cookies, popcorn." She wrinkles her nose. "I even put a Hershey in a burger once."

I laugh. "That actually sounds good."

"What do you want? Anything goes."

I'm pretty sure I could eat anything sweet...or salty…and crunchy. "A burger sounds amazing. I've never had one."

Lissa sits up. "So let's go get some."

I frown. "We don't have any or anything to make them with."

"So let's go get some." She rolls out of bed revealing the other half of her dress, a very short dress. It flared out from her hips and the same emerald lace from the bodice lay over it. It stopped mid-thigh. "Coming?"

I stop staring at her legs. "Huh?"

She skips over to the door and suddenly the room is bright. How is she skipping in shoes that balanced on a stick at the heel? "I really want curly fries now."

I squint at her as my eyes adjust. "Where are we going to get curly fries?"

I am seriously lost.

She has very long legs. Lissa notices me staring and looks down at herself. "Not exactly burger joint attire. Can I borrow some PJs?"

Lissa changes in the bathroom and I try to figure out what the hell her plan is. The worst part is I know it involves going downstairs.

The bathroom door swings open and Lissa puts her folded dress down by the dresser. She'd taken her hair down from its pins so it now sat in curls around her shoulders.

"Do you want to put a jacket on? It's not really cold outside."

Outside? I shake my head.

"Alrighty."

Lissa's hand is on the door handle when she notices I haven't moved. "What?"

I look down at my lap. "They're all downstairs."

Lissa comes over and sits on my side of the bed. How could I go downstairs when my skin is just burning with the thought of it?

"Who cares what they think? Rose, seriously. They were more worried than anything. No one's laughing at you. You have no reason to be embarrassed."

"I find it hard to believe Spiridon wouldn't find some way to make a joke."

"I'll make you a deal. Spiridon makes a joke and I'll kick him where it hurts." She holds out her hand. "Deal?"

I raise an eyebrow. "You wouldn't."

Lissa's hand lifts higher. "Wanna bet?" The challenge is making her smirk."Nobody's going to say anything."

I take her hand and she shakes it once but doesn't let go. Instead, her grip is something I can't get out of and she's leading me to the door. "Be brave in the name of burgers. You won't regret it."

I better not.

When we reach the stairs I'm gripping her hand back as she leads the way. Ben and Dimitri are in the living room. Dimitri has a book in his lap and Ben's watching TV but looks up as we reach the foyer. I drop my gaze to the floor.

"We were wondering if someone could take us out for burgers?" Lissa says. "And snacks."

I expect a deafening silence or a flat out refusal.

"Yeah sure." Ben says, throwing the remote down. "Gives me a chance to get away from Dimitri's incessant chatter." Dimitri regards him over his book. Ben throws out a hand. "Just doesn't shut up."

I can't help but grin as Lissa laughs.

"Do you want me to go with you?" Dimitri says, snapping his book shut. "The hour can make things precarious."

"Shouldn't take more than an hour." Ben confers with Dimitri. "The clubs in the city will still be open. We'll be far from there."

"Are you sure?"

"Dude I got this. I'll just check it in with the boss." Ben says, winking as he walks past us and heads up the stairs.

I squeeze Lissa's hand. "Where are we going?"

"On an adventure." She grins.

Behind her, Dimitri watches us steadily. "We're on the outskirts of Missoula. You'll be going to the fringes of the city."

I couldn't hold his gaze. Seeing him made it clear that I hadn't imagined it earlier. I don't think my imagination could depict him so perfectly. Despite this my heart rate is picking up, fear and excitement bubbling in my stomach. We were leaving the house. We were going somewhere to get something I'd only seen on a TV screen.

I'm leaving the house and Dimitri isn't coming.

"All good." Ben announces coming back down the stairs. He twirls keys around his fingers as he strides toward the door, Lissa following him with me in tow. He punches in the code and throws open the door. I look back at Dimitri as the world opens up in front of me through the doorway.

"Be safe." He says quietly as Lissa's leads me out into the night.

Updated 15/04/2022