AB: Welcome to The Daily Entrails, all the news you need to know. This is your host Amanita Baneberry, here today with Ignatius McKinnon—
IM: I go by Ignis, actually.
AB: My apologies. Ignis McKinnon, the hero of Halloween, second son of the Orncrag McKinnons, is here in my studio today, and he brought his muggleborn assistant Hermione Granger of Australia.
HG: [Coughing.]
IM: Now wait a moment. Hermione is not my assistant. We're friends, and neighbors.
AB: Well, she assisted you on Halloween.
IM: If anything I was assisting her. Hermione may be muggleborn, but she's the most powerful witch I've ever had the honor to duel. She taught me much of what I know about dueling. I want it known that she deserves at least as much credit as I do, if not more, for defending Miss Kettleburn. And charging the lectern was entirely her idea. Don't underestimate Hermione just because she's muggleborn.
HG: Thank you Ignis.
AB: Well. We can only imagine how powerful Australian purebloods must be. I have in the studio today the two brave duelists who worked together to protect Lou Garou author, Lerina Kettleburn, at Halloween's book signing at Flourish and Blotts. Now Ignis, I understand you're an exterminator of Dark creatures? That sounds very dangerous. No wonder you had no fear during the attack. You're used to defending the innocent from danger.
IM: [Laughing.] I do kill or relocate Dark creatures, yes. I wouldn't say it's all that dangerous a career choice, relatively speaking. As we saw on Halloween, humans can be the most dangerous creatures of all. But Miss Kettleburn needed to be defended, so I did it. I couldn't have done it without Hermione of course.
HG: I knew I could count on Ignis to have my back. He's really very good with his wand, for someone who's used to just fighting creatures. Fighting witches and wizards is much harder of course, but he's learning.
AB: Now Hermione, you must have been scared.
HG: Not particularly. I'd never seen that wolf smoke spell before, but I figured I could handle it.
AB: I've seen the photographs. That spell looked terrifying! You must have wished you were back home in Australia when you saw that.
HG: [Laughing.] Oh, we have much worse in Australia, I assure you. And Lupus Fumus isn't even a particularly tricky spell. I learned how to cast it just from observing the attackers, and I've already figured out the counterspell. Would you like a demonstration?
AB: Oh! Um…
HG: It's no trouble. The Aurors appreciated the demonstration I gave at their office. They'll be prepared if those anti-werewolf terrorists attack again.
IM: As I said, it's unwise to underestimate Hermione.
AB: Anyway. You both just happened to be at Flourish and Blotts that day?
HG: We were there to buy copies of Lou Garou.
IM: And get them autographed.
HG: And we were both very interested to hear the author's talk. Such a pity she's made no public appearances since.
IM: Understandable, of course.
AB: I'm sure I speak for many of my listeners when I say I'm surprised to hear that a Dark creature exterminator is interested in a novel about a heroic werewolf. Sorry to any of my listeners who haven't heard that yet, but, well, I do expect my listeners to be well informed, and I dare say there's hardly anyone in wizarding Britain who hasn't yet heard the secret of Lou Garou.
IM: Keep in mind that while werewolves are legally classified as Dark creatures, that term is really only applicable on the full moon. The rest of the month, they're just like you and me. It's, well, this might cut into my business if I say this, but I'll say it anyway, since I'm swamped with work already. When I get a call asking me to get rid of a werewolf, that's the easiest job in the world. I just talk to the werewolf and tell them they've been found out, and they leave of their own accord. I've never had to fight them. I must say, Kettleburn's book is the most realistic depiction of werewolves I've ever seen. What they teach about werewolves in Defense class at Hogwarts is frankly… Are there words you're not allowed to say over the Wireless? Anyway, it's nonsense. Anyone who tells you that getting rid of werewolves is a big expensive job is swindling you.
AB: So werewolves are really like the ones depicted in Lou Garou?"
IM: Yeah. They're generally grateful I'm not trying to blackmail them. They apparently get that a lot, from people who feel like they can extort more money out of the werewolves themselves than they could get from the bounty. Man, what a racket that is! A big chunk of the Ministry budget goes to funding the Werewolf Capture Unit, harassing people who are just ordinary witches and wizards most of the month, and who lock themselves in basements or the like one night a month. It's a complete waste of money.
AB: How did you hear about the book?
IM: Hermione recommended it.
HG: It's a funny story. I was reading this serial in Witch Weekly, and I thought Ignis would get a laugh out of it, assuming it got werewolves totally wrong, but he told me it was completely accurate as far as he could tell! I thought he was joking at first. Gosh, did I feel silly.
IM: Kettleburn must have interviewed actual werewolves to get things this accurate.
AB: Now that's dedication, interviewing werewolves! She must be very brave.
HG: How so?
AB: Well! I mean, I'd never willingly meet with werewolves.
IM: [Laughing.] I'm sure you already have.
AB: I beg your pardon.
IM: As I said, for all but one night a month, werewolves are just like you and me. I'm sure you've met several werewolves already, as you go about your business. You just didn't know.
AB: Um. Well. Any idea who the attackers were?
IM: There was no way to recognize them, with their disillusionment. I have some ideas, though. Who stands to lose the most money if the public develops sympathy for werewolves? Think about it. A book portraying werewolves in a sympathetic light? People whose livelihoods depend on the perception of werewolves as dangerous must be getting nervous.
AB: Hermione, I have some questions for you as well. Who does your hair?
HG: I do.
AB: Can you give us any exotic Australian muggle hair care tips?
HG: No.
AB: And Ignis, I know many of my listeners are curious, so I have to ask: What's the story behind your silver hand?
IM: Oh! Um, well, this is actually a prosthetic. Hermione made it. It works very well, so I almost forget it's not my real hand. She's the one to ask about it, really.
AB: But how did you lose your original hand?
IM: Well. I'm afraid that's a story from back when I was a young and foolish exterminator, not taking proper precautions around Dark creatures. I'm older and wiser now. That's all I'm going to say on that topic.
AB: It's time for a word from our sponsor, Hilda the Housewarelock, with a brand new line of wolfware, including complete luminous dish sets enchanted to show the phases of the moon, fang-styled cutlery, grey furry blankets that feel like a warm hug from a werewolf…
Tom's father turned the volume down on the wireless, although the advertisement sounded interesting. Tom couldn't hear it over his father's chortling. "Those two are clever for Gryffindors. Perhaps you should pay Ignis a bonus."
"I don't think he needs it," said Tom. "He was telling the truth about being swamped with work as an exterminator. Making a spectacle of himself at the book signing was better advertising than money could buy. He said he raised his prices but people keep hiring him."
"Well then, it's extra important to pay him more," said Tom's father. "We don't want to lose him to more lucrative jobs."
Tom nodded.
The Witch Weekly interview that arrived Thursday paid more attention to the Australian muggleborn, although it did not slight Ignis. It stressed the boy-next-door angle:
"Ignis lives right down the hill," says Granger. "It's nice to have someone to practice dueling with."
McKinnon laughs. "Hermione's too kind. I'm not really a challenge to her dueling skill."
"You're getting better."
"But still, you're way out of my league."
Miss Granger was previously seen in the company of Tom Riddle, heir of Riddle. We hope their split was amicable. Mr. Riddle has recently been spending a great deal of time with the lovely Quintessa Prewett (see pages 24-27.)
Tom would have to visit Antonio's tailor shop, for the magazine featured a large advertisement for his brand new line of wolfwear, werewolf-themed robes for the fashionable witch and wizard. That grey fur collar looked like just the thing for winter. When Tom was done reading, he offered the magazine to Hermione. "You might want to read this." He traded the magazine for Hermione's Prophet.
She read. "Bloody hell," she said.
Tom felt that such language was inappropriate around children. Mark, at least, was ignoring Hermione as he generally did. His attention was instead focused on the lead Prophet article, which he could see on the front page as Tom held the paper open to read an inner page. Tommy paid attention to everything, though, and Tom was concerned about him learning inappropriate words. Tom didn't mention this to Hermione, as she seemed engrossed in her reading, and Tom didn't want to start an argument now when he could instead be reading the paper.
The Prophet had an in-depth article on the attack, more thorough than their rushed article of November first. Tom was only halfway through it:
"I figured they were after Kettleburn, so I just did what had to be done, you know?" says McKinnon modestly.
The McKinnon family has long farmed in the wizarding district of Orncrag, but Ignatius McKinnon, a second son, now resides in Little Hangleton, where he runs a pest control business specializing in Dark creatures.
McKinnon's family could not be reached for comment, citing farm chores that occupied their time.
"He was a very intelligent student," says his former Defense teacher, Emerett Picardy. "I knew he'd go far. I'm glad the spells I taught him proved so useful on Halloween."
McKinnon was assisted by Australian duelist Hermione Granger, who, although muggleborn, nonetheless dueled with a raw power that proved useful against such savage foes.
Working together, the English pureblood wizard and Australian muggleborn witch protected Miss Kettleburn and distracted the attackers for long enough that an anonymous wizard managed to rescue Miss Kettleburn via a portkey. Miss Kettleburn could not be reached for comment.
Another anonymous witch or wizard broke the wards trapping everyone inside, and blasted a hole through the wall, allowing everyone who was still capable of running to escape. The Auror department requests that this cursebreaker contact them as soon as possible, as they would like to know how this was done.
Not everyone was capable of running, walking or even crawling to escape. As the smoke dissipated, the victims were revealed on the floor. Several able-bodied survivors provided what first aid they could before healers arrived.
"Well, I couldn't just leave my friend Perdita," says Teresa Prewett, grand-niece of Wizengamot member Balthazar Prewett. "I'm pretty good at healing skin so it won't scar. And then once she was healed I helped everyone else I could. I was so worried when I couldn't find all my friends afterwards!"
"Lou Garou saved my life!" says Winifred Grubbly. "I was just lying there bleeding, and he healed me. I'm sure it was him. He looked exactly like I imagined. Then when the Aurors arrived he spoke to someone in a communication mirror and apparated away. I know they say the anti-apparition ward was still up, but I saw what I saw! Lou, if you're reading this, know that I'm grateful! I wish I could thank you in person!"
While a witch suffering from blood loss is clearly not a reliable witness, multiple witnesses report that at least one of the wizards who stayed to heal the injured was costumed as Lou Garou.
"That's the last time I schedule a signing for a werewolf book," says Mr. Blotts. "My shop is a mess. Until further notice, Lou Garou and all our other merchandise is available by owl-order only. And I'll have you know that all the books I'm selling are clean. Only two copies of Lou Garou got blood-stained in the attack, and the Aurors took them as evidence. Anyone selling blood-stained copies of Lou Garou at a markup, claiming they're genuine souvenirs from the attack, is a liar. Now if you'll excuse me, I have more cleaning up to do."
"They got Tessie's name wrong," observed Tom. "It's not Teresa, it's Quintessa. I'll have to give them a call about that."
The Prophet also had a book review of Lou Garou, as if it needed more publicity:
If you've been living under a stasis charm for the last year and haven't already heard the secret of Lou Garou, stop reading this review now and get yourself a copy…
Mark grabbed the periodicals as soon as the Riddles were done with them.
"Mark dear," said Tom's mother. "Have you had enough breakfast?"
"Oh!" said Mark. "Um, no." He resumed eating while continuing to read.
"A growing boy needs a good breakfast," said Tom's mother.
Mark swallowed before speaking. "Sorry. But I was wondering. Your Halloween party… was it canceled because of the bookshop attack?"
"Yes," said Tom's mother. "And I'd been so looking forward to it, too."
"Were your party guests at the bookshop?"
"Yes, many of them."
"Are they all right?"
"Yes."
"Good." Mark ate some more. He eventually spoke. "The wizard who lives just down the hill is Ignis McKinnon, right? The exterminator?"
"Yes," said Tom.
"I don't know any McKinnons," Mark assured them. "I'm sure he wouldn't recognize me as a Black if he saw me. I thought you should know, in case you were worried about that."
"Thank you," said Tom. "That's a relief." In fact this hadn't been one of Tom's more prominent concerns, but he'd accept whatever relief he got.
"You could introduce me to him as the Australian muggle, Mark Grey, and he'd be none the wiser. As Miss Granger's ward, supposedly, it's fine for me to know about magic, so he doesn't have to worry about the Statute around me."
"Ah, but he would be none too pleased to be introduced to a muggle, I'm afraid," said Tom. "His attitude towards muggles is…"
"Oh," said Mark. "Never mind."
"He is useful to our business, however," said Tom, "so we must tolerate his anti-muggle bias. He knows how to find werewolves—"
Mark choked on his latest bite of toast and marmalade, so Tom waited until he was fully recovered before continuing.
"—and werewolves are the customers for one of our business endeavors."
It was a good thing Tom had timed this revelation carefully. Mark was having trouble thinking and breathing simultaneously, so thinking, breathing, and eating would have been too taxing.
"Werewolves?" he finally said. "You're doing business with werewolves?"
"Yes," said Tom. "The vast majority of werewolves do not want to be dangerous. That's why they buy a potion, invented by the very talented Miss Granger here and brewed by a potioneer I hired, that renders them harmless."
"Harmless?" repeated Mark. "You've got a cure—"
Hermione closed Witch Weekly and slapped it down on the table. "A treatment, not a cure. It relieves only one symptom, and that temporarily. It must be taken every month."
"Ensuring repeat customers," Tom added, for he liked to look on the bright side.
Hermione did not share his optimistic outlook, judging by her expression.
"I believe you should be setting off for school soon," said Tom's mother, so Mark thanked her and headed for his bicycle.
The others finished their breakfast, and Fiona cleared away the dishes and periodicals.
—-
After breakfast, Eric dropped by Tom's office and handed him a book, as arranged.
On the cover, Lou Garou lurked in a completely stationary way, not darting about as was his usual habit.
"Thank you," said Tom. "What do I owe you?"
Eric waved that question aside. "I couldn't really calculate how long it took me to work on it, since I kept getting distracted reading the thing. It probably took less than an hour of actual work to find and deactivate all the runes. It's a completely non-magical book now. What do you need a non-magical version for, anyway?"
"As a gift for a muggle friend of mine."
Eric's eyebrows bristled. "But the Statute of Secrecy—"
"Muggles tell many stories about magic. They think they're all fiction. This book fits right onto the fantastical genre of muggle novels."
Eric still looked confused.
"Just a few months ago, I saw a show about a wizard in a muggle theatre," said Tom. "The performers were muggles, almost the whole audience were muggles, and the plot was about a wizard dosing people with love potions. The muggle characters killed him at the end," He wished he'd stayed for that part. "So muggles won't notice anything odd about this book."
"Hm. Well, you do know more about muggles than I do. I can see wanting to share this with a friend. It's a good book. I tried reading novels before. My… Someone said I should try. But the ones I tried didn't make any sense. The characters did all these stupid things for no good reason. They were just annoying."
"Well," said Tom. "Real people often do stupid things for no good reason."
"Yeah. And then I read this book that described some of the things I've done, choices I've made, and…" He shook his head. "I'm glad no one knows I'm the idiot who did some of those things."
"I don't think anyone who reads this book would describe Lou as an idiot," said Tom. "He's a good man in a difficult situation. That was the point, to show a werewolf in a sympathetic light."
"Anyway, it should be safe for muggles now."
—-
Tom's good mood continued through lunch, and he could speak more freely now that Mark was at school. "I couldn't have asked for better publicity. Almost overnight, werewolves are seen as sympathetic underdogs, while those opposed to werewolves are villains. Soon, employers will pay a premium for werewolf employees, just to be able to brag that they have them on staff. I predict I'll be able to raise Wolfsbane prices within a few months, and this project will finally turn a profit."
"The wizarding world is small and easily steered," said Tom's father. "Of course it's easy for you, turning a little rowboat. I'm turning an ocean liner, but the payoff will be much bigger eventually. People will pay anything to save their own lives. I'll essentially hold every muggle life for ransom."
Tom nodded. "Of course you're in charge of the bigger project. I'll pass the time with this small one." He raised his water glass. "I propose a toast to my benefactor, Lord Ralph Woolsey, the engineer of my success."
Tom's parents laughed and raised their glasses. The Riddles all clinked their glasses together, even Tommy, raising his little cup.
Hermione didn't raise her glass but sat there quietly, cutting her steak with increasingly aggressive knife strokes.
"What did Woolsey think he was doing with that 'Lupus Fumus' business?" chortled Tom's father.
"I believe he was trying to give the impression that wolves are scary," said Tom's mother, "and that people sympathetic to werewolves will suffer for their foolishness."
"But why?" demanded Tom's father. "Why does he want society to stay prejudiced against werewolves?"
"That's the source of his power," said Tom's mother. "His followers were all driven out of human society. He's trying to maintain his power by stopping us from offering werewolves a better life. If society stops driving werewolves away, he has nothing."
"Oh," said Tom's father. "Still. Stupid way to go about it." He grunted disapprovingly. "Typical terrorists, hurting their own cause.
"He had limited options," said Tom's mother, "considering that it wasn't the full moon."
There was silence for a moment, then Tom said, "Accio pocket calendar," pulling it from his wallet. "Tuesday, November twenty-seventh," he read. "So. We know when. The question is where."