Hey there,

Here's the next hurt/Harvey one-shot.

This one is Harvey having an emotional breakdown while he's alone in his and Donna's apartment and Mike finds him.

/ / /

The last weeks were very hard, when he got the diagnosis he had hope. He had decided to fight - for Donna, for their relationship, for their life together. But his fighting spirit is weakening and he is beginning to lose hope. He is constantly tired and weak, he would be able to cope with that if he didn't have this feeling of nausea all the time. In addition, he found out this week that the chemo didn't work again. He tries to stay strong in front of Donna and not let anything show, but it pulled the rug out from under him when he listened to the doctor the other day.

... ... ...

"Hey Mike" he greets his friend when he picks up the phone

"Harvey, hey... uhm, Donna told me you're alone and we haven't seen each other since a few days, can I come over?" Harvey smiles He always knew MIke cares about him but those weeks were so hard... he was very touched by his friends support.

"I really appreciate this Mike but I don't need a babysitter... and I'm not feeling that great today"

"It's not meant like that... really" he tries to convince him "I just thought we could spend some time together instead of being alone at home. Since Donna and Rachel are having their 'girls day' I thought we could do the same".

"You want a 'girls day'? why didn't' you ask our wives?" he teases

"yeah, actually I did but that said no'

"ooh" Harvey worries him

"seriously Harvey… what d'you say?"

Harvey doesn't answer

"Harvey? are you still there?"

"yeah, yeah sorry... uh, okay" he agrees "your right, why stay alone when you can be in company."

"Great, see you in a few minutes"

Harvey has been in bed sleeping after Donna left this morning. They had breakfast together and he decides to lie down again. He is tired, weak and the feeling of nausea is worse than usual, today is another one of the bad days. So he decides to get up and go to the bathroom to splash some water on his face, hoping it will help before MIke arrives. He would prefer that no one sees him like this anymore... he's been canceling MIke for the last few days, finding some excuse why it's not a good fit. He didn't want to do it today, they are friends and he knows Mike's worried and actually some company might be just the thing. He had to practically force Donna to go to her 'girls day' with Rachel because she didn't want to leave him alone.

As soon as he sits up and wants to get out of bed, all of a sudden it comes up and he throws up on the bed. All of this morning's breakfast comes up, even though he barely ate anything. He has no choice but to stay there until it stops. His clothes didn't get anything on them, but all the bedding needs to be changed.

"shit" he curses. He slowly gets up and goes to the bathroom to freshen up. Then he gets new sheets, puts them on Donna's dressing table and starts to take off the dirty ones.

He just about manages to get the mattress cover off because he just pulls on it and it goes away, but he quickly realizes that he can't manage to get the blanket off the dirty cover, much less put a new cover on it.

"Goddamn it" he curses again. And tries again, but he makes too rough movements so that he can't keep on his legs and has to brace on the bed. Slowly he sits down on the floor and takes a deep breath. He looks around, the dirty blanket and the mattress cover are on the floor and it smells like vomit and he can't take it anymore. He lets go, for the first time since the diagnosis he just lets go and cries. He has tried to be strong until now, but now that he can't even manage to change the sheets, he realizes that soon it will all be over.

Minutes later Mike comes in and freezes. He rings on the door but after Harvey didn't open he used his key Donna gave him.

Harvey leans against the bed and sits collapsed on the floor. His face is hidden by his forearms, which are resting on his knees.

"Harvey" he says in a disturbing voice and rushes to his side. He kneels next to him and puts an arm on his shoulder "Harvey, what is it?" he asks softly. He's never seen him like that. Yeah he was often sad in the last weeks even though he tried to cover it up but of course his closest friends and his wife noticed it. But he has never seen him that vulnerable before.

"Hey" he says quietly and strokes his arm "what happened?" Mike asks and looks around. He then sees the bedding on the floor, the clean sheets on the dressing table and figured that Harvey tried to change them himself.

"I can't anymore" he says eventually. "I just can't anymore" he cries. "I tried to be strong and I fought a- and didn't give up but… it was for nothing…"

"That's not true" Mike says in a low voice "yeah it sucks that the chemo didn't work out but…" Harvey shakes his head.

"no buts… I won't try it anymore. I've had enough"

"what?" Mike asks shocked

"I'm tired of trying it all over again, Mike. Tired of going through all that and it turns out it was for nothing…every goddamn time. I'm tired, Mike, I can't anymore. I can't even change those stupid sheets" he sniffs and sobs "I couldn't even go to the bathroom before I..."

"Hey, that's not your fault" Mike tries to calm him down "and seriously… I can't even manage to change them myself, I'm glad Rachel does it every time. It takes me half an hours to do so" Harvey huffs half a laugh to that "Yeah, I could never do that, too" he admits "It's just… the only thing I managed to do since we talked was going to the bathroom and back… and it's about half an hour ago"

"Harvey… it doesn't matter how long you need. The most important thing is that you get up and try to do everything by yourself.

You still do everything yourself… and it doesn't matter you can't do everything without help… all that counts is that you try, that's a great thing. You need to know that."

"I just can't anymore" he repeats crying more than before "I promised Donna I wouldn't let her alone and now… I can't hold my promise" he's breathing shortens a little and slowly turns hectic.

"shhh" Mike puts his arm over his shoulder to pull him in a hug but makes sure to let him decide whether he wants it or not.

But he obviously needs it cause he turns towards Mike and hides his face in Mike's chest.

"it's okay" he strokes his back "You won't… everything will be okay" he whispers.

"Promise me to take care of her" he sobs

"Harvey, please don't. You can't give up now. please just come down, okay?" Mike continues stroking his back.

"Promise me" he pleads and sobs further.

"I promise" Mike whispers "I'll take care of her, she'll be okay" he promises.

"Donna… Donna will be worried to death" he sobs. "Everything is full of vomit… I couldn-"

"sshhh, It's okay, it's okay… it doesn't matter. I'll change them and she won't notice, okay?" he tries to reassure him

"No, it's disgusting, I'll try it… later" Mike shakes his head.

He gently moves Harvey away from him so that he faces him. "I don't mind, okay?" He assures him "why don't you go change and I'll do this here" Mike shows at Harvey shirt. There is a little vomit what Harvey hasn't noticed before. Probably it has happened during his attempts to change the sheets and he's still in his pajamas.

Harvey nods in agreement "okay" he whispers.

… … …

A few minutes later Mike is done with the sheets and Harvey also enters the living room.

He takes a deep breath "thank you" he says quietly. His eyes are red from crying and he looks really tired as if he hadn't sleep in days.

"Are you alright?" Mike asks worried. Of course he knows he isn't especially not after the news they got this week. But he just doesn't know what else to ask

"i'm sorry stupid ques-"

"No, it's okay" Harvey gives him a weak smile "I just don't have an real answer… if I say yes I'd be lying and if I say no…I'd be lying too… I can't explain"

"I have time… you can try it" Mike tries to encourage his friend who nods and takes a sit on an armchair follows by Mike who takes the on in front of it.

"as far as health is concerned, I'm okay so far... well, at least as far as I can be okay. I feel tired and weak and always nauseous and that's an awful feeling but it's kinda bearable at least I'm not in pain. Today it's just worse" he takes a pause and Mike doesn't speak 'cause he knows there's more to come.

"But everything else just sucks completely. I am afraid, I am tired of fighting and not seeing any good results… I just don't, I can't do this anymore. I didn't want to give up, I- I still don't want to but I am at the end of my rope" He says honestly and looks at Mike who thins he's gonna start crying every second.

"I get you Harvey, I really do… I can't even imagine how worse this whole thing must be for you. But I can tell you worse it is for me… for us to see you like this. And how terrified we are to lose you.

"Mike…"

"We love you, Harvey. You can't give up now… you still have a chance otherwise the doctors wouldn't suggest to take a new chemo. You still can win… and you will. You always do… sometimes it just takes you a little longer"

"Mike… it's not just me. It's you, it's Donna… I- I can't do that to her any longer, to non of you. She's suffering, I know she loves me, probably too much… there has to be an end of this so she can start living her life again"

"and you think she'll do it if you're not here anymore? Well, than let me tell you one thing. Of all the dumb things you've said in all those years we know each other now, this is the dumbest thing you've said, by far. Actually it's the dumbest thing I've heard at all."

"okaaay, I got it." Harvey protests. "She will suffer but she can start new at some point"

"first of all she won't have to if you beat this goddamn thing… and second if you fight and you… than it'll be easier for her to come in terms with it, in the knowledge that you didn't give up, that you fought for you, for you two. But she'll never get over it if she has to live with the fact that you could've made it if you hadn't give up hope and especially not if she's the reason.

Harvey doesn't say anything to this

"Look, I don't want to force you to do anything and I sure don't want you to suffer more than necessary, I know how hard this is… but I don't want you to give up just because you think it's easier for her or for us. We want you to fight and I know that I'm speaking for all of us when I say you are not a burden, we don't mind to come over and help you… we don't mind to drive you to the hospital and stay there with you the whole day for your chemo… we don't mind to take care of you. You took care of all of us in the last years in so different ways… yeah it wasn't a sickness but it doesn't matter, you did everything you could to help us… and this time it's you who needs help.

Please just think exactly about why you wanna give up 'cause I don't think you want to… and let out the part that it'd be better for us… 'cause if there's one thing I know for sure is that this is not true!"

"okay" he agrees "But I need your word that this stays between you and me first"

Mike nods "You have my word"

… … …

A few days later the four friends are meeting at Donna's and Harvey's for dinner. Rachel's helping Donna in the kitchen while Mike and Harvey are on the balcony. Mike brought some alcohol-free drinks for them, he knows Harvey misses those drinks and wanted to make him feel better.

"It's just for the flavor… we'll catch up with the right drinks" Mike smiles handing him the glass with the fake scotch.

"Thanks" he smiles and sips on his glass "I know it's worse but it's really good at the same time" Harvey laughs, looking at Mike. "Yeah, it's really disgusting" he confirms laughing.

"Thank you" Harvey turns to him while Mike looks at him.

"It's just a drink Harvey"

"I don't mean that… thank you for not asking how I'm feeling or what i'm gonna. do… I really started to hate this question about my well-being. it feels great not to be asked that for once and to be treated normally, like everything is fine.

"Yeah, I figured if you wanna talk, you'll start yourself… and you did now, soo…"

Harvey nods "I though about what we talked the last time… and you were right. I don't wanna give up, I don't wanna leave all of this" he pointes around including the women in the kitchen and Mike. I lost it for a moment but… I don't wanna leave her" he says looking at Donna. "I wanna spent as much time as I can with her and I'm not gonna miss a second if I don't have to."

Mike lets out a long breath in relief trying to fight his tears 'cause he doesn't want Rachel and Donna to notice "That's great to hear Harvey… more than that" and a huge smiles builds up on his face which leads to Harvey having to smile, too.

"I guess it was just because of the sheets…I was so down when I couldn't do it… I thought it wouldn't make sense to try it further… thank you for coming by, Mike and thank you for kicking my ass. I think it was exactly what I needed to hear"

"You're welcome, Harvey… and if there's anything you need, just let me know, no matter what, I hope you know that by now"

He gets nearer to Mike and pulls him in a hug "I do know and I will… thanks" he assures him. "actually there's one thing… I need you to do me a favor"

"everything"

Harvey takes a deep breath "in case… just in case I don't make it. I need you to promise me to make sure she'll be happy again one day"

"Harvey this"

"No, listen to me… I know she'd have a hard time to deal with it… and I know her well enough to know that she'd feel guilty. She promised me to try it but she'll need you in case she has to" Harvey looks at Mike "I want her to be happy again, even it it's without me, she deserves it more than anyone else"

Mike nods "I promise… but do me a favor in return and just don't let it get that far." He smiles and so does Harvey "I keep it in mind" he claps Mike's shoulder softly and they start talking about something else.

/ / /

Thank you for readin, hope you enjoyed!

Have a nice time 3