Temper me in fire

by voldobaby

AU: The world of Moroi and Dhampirs is very different, political turmoil has opened up a vacuum in which illegal and immoral actions can transpire, such as slavery of Dhampirs. Rosemarie Hathaway is born into slavery in Arizona. Her life revolves around tending to her chores and making herself inconspicuous. But that all changes when Mr.Dashkov and his Guardians arrive

44. Chapter 44

RPOV

Sweat trickles down my shoulders and pools at the bottom of my back.

"Hold it." Dimitri says, again.

The one leg supporting me shakes and I have absolutely no power over it. For the past hour, he's talked to me about 'mind to muscle' but I couldn't feel one single damn muscle in my leg. I collapse. The stretching had been easy to compared to this.

"Pathetic." I grit out from between my teeth.

When I stepped out into the late afternoon, yawning but excited, I'd had anticipated learning punches, hard kicks, rolling spectacularly, maybe learning to flip over someone's shoulders and springboard off them. I'd imagined that someone being Spiridon but no, he's literally running circles around both of us on the forest trail.

The reality is learning stretches, balance and circuits.

"You need to acquaint yourself with all your muscles." Dimitri presses on. "You're body is your first weapon. You can't wield anything else until you wield it."

"You should record motivational podcasts." Ben takes another bite of his apple. "That low, calm Russian accent could really help people."

Ben and Victor had come about twenty minutes ago, just as the sky was purpling. A safer time to travel Ben had said. I'd been glad. It had taken a lot of effort to concentrate on what Dimitri was saying to me when all I wanted to do was marvel at how he looked in his workout clothes. The smooth and supple material of his shirt and how my fingers would glide over it, feeling the indentations of his muscles, the heat of his skin burning through it...how it would feel against me. I'd remembered how his lips had made me feel and only feel because it was impossible to think. He'd known because he is Mr I know Everything and told me to focus or Spiridon would have to take over – that had snapped me out of it. Then Ben had stepped out of the kitchen and his presence grounded me completely. I have no idea when Spiridon had come outside. Didn't care.

"Nah, it would be better if he yelled." Spiridon says, also covered in sweat. "Even the simple things. Like, 'Good Morning'. DOBROYE UTRO!"

Dimitri shows no signs of having heard him. Spiridon eyes the start of the trail before huffing and taking off again. His third lap.

I push myself to my feet and take up the position again but on the other leg. If you had asked me before we started I would have said I had good balance but no, I suck. It wasn't just holding the other leg behind me and balancing on one for a minute, it was holding the position, then moving it in a 'controlled' and 'fluid' motion forward until I was upright, holding that for a minute and back again. I had to complete this five rounds on each leg. I'd managed two before collapsing.

Dimitri moves with such graceful precision it's infuriating. The only tell he's finding this challenging is he's sweating too but that's only because he's been out of action for five weeks. He's healing fast though. A few days ago he couldn't attempt this. He'd winced a little during our 'warm up' of stretching and taken long controlled breaths but other than those tells he'd been dedicated.

Ben's brought out some weights and a kettlebell. He starts his own training.

"Rose." Dimitri snaps.

I wobble. "Right, sorry."

"You need to close out distractions."

"When can I lift weights?"

"When you can handle your own body weight." He straightens and drops his leg, having completed his ten rounds. Goddamn, show off.

A tremor rocks through the leg I'm standing on and my stomach muscles strain as I try and push my other out behind me. My jaw aches from clenching it so hard.

"Here." I freeze as his hand splays against my stomach. "Your mind is your biggest obstacle. My hands a counterpoint, use it to centre you, your balance."

The shaking doesn't ease but it doesn't get any worse. I inhale and exhale deeply, not thinking about his hand on me and how my blood heats but focusing on what he'd said. I wouldn't fall. I get through five rounds for the first time. It's ridiculous how proud of myself I am.

"Other leg." He instructs. His hand hasn't left my stomach. I focus on breathing, on the task and I get through five rounds. "Good. Very good."

I collapse when his hand leaves me. "Don't lie."

"Don't whine." He returns. I shoot him a look that goes unnoticed. "Plank next."

It looked easy. He made holding your body as stiff as a board on your elbows and toes look easy but it wasn't. First, my form wasn't right which meant he had his hand on my lower back and stomach to guide me – then when they left me the shaking began all over again.

"Remember your breathing. Hold form for forty seconds."

I shut my eyes and try and think of anything, anything to get me through it. TV shows, books, and words flip through my head but nothing sticks. Nothing distracts. "Twenty seconds. You can do it."

No, I can't. No, I can't. No, I can't.

My jaw aches, the ground must be shaking. Sweat slides down my nose.

"You got this Rose!" Ben calls.

I nearly waste breath telling him to shut up.

"Done." I hit the ground before the word finished leaving his mouth. "Two minute rest, then you go again."

I raise my head. "Again? How many times?"

He'd moved into position, his hands clasped beneath his chin and he stares ahead. "Until failure."

"How is this going to help me defend myself?" My body had been at all-out war with itself and there's not even a tremble in his. He exhales and lowers himself, gracefully. "How long was that?"

"Two minutes." He didn't sound happy about it.

"What's the longest time you've held it for?"

"Fifteen."

My lips part.

"Back into position. Forty seconds."

I manage thirty. Then I only manage fifteen. Then I can't hold myself in the position at all. His tremors started on his third plank. The first and second he held for two minutes, the third one minute, the fourth forty seconds, the fifth twenty-five seconds and the sixth ten seconds.

There's some satisfaction in seeing him covered in sweat too. Then I remember this is only somewhat hard because he's recovering.

The next hour passes and he shows me different movements, all orientated around balance, breathing and using my own weight. I had been shovelling so much food into me these past months trying to fill out and thought I'd been making slow progress, that I still had a long way to go. But trying to replicate the forms and motions is difficult and brings the realisation of how far I'd come because no matter how hard this is I am still able. My body a few months ago would not make it through the entire two hours.

"Breathing, balance and your motion – it's all connected. Bulky muscle means nothing when you don't know how to direct it." He holds up his palms to me. "Throw your right fist into my left and inhale whilst doing so." I do, feeling clumsy. "Again, your left into my right but exhale."

I do and blink at him. "I could feel the difference."

He nods. "All connected. Your power will come from your stamina and your strength but it's supported by -"

"Breathing and balance?"

He smiles, his dark eyes alight in the setting sun. The gold glowing. "Exactly. Now, twenty squats accentuated by your breathing. Inhale before lowering, slowly, and exhale as you spring back up."

It began to flow together, exhaling and inhaling, centring my focus on the movements and my mind didn't waver or wander. When I'd woken up this evening, by his soft rap on my door, I'd floated for a moment but then the nerves set in. How could I be alone and follow directions from him? What if he'd be Guardian cold or the Dimitri I'd been with last night? But he'd been neither and he'd been both, but mostly he'd been the calm but firm version of himself that had been my rock the first few weeks here. He'd been encouraging but not irritating. He'd been patient but not patronising. Even when I asked him to repeat things to me, interrupting what was his own easing back into training.

When the sun had dipped beyond the trees and the lights outside began to glow Dimitri said we were done. I collapse for the hundredth time onto the grass, sweating and panting.

"You did well." He said, lowering himself to the ground a safe distance away.

"I had it in my head we'd be boxing or I'd learn how to fly kick a tree."

He chuckles. "All in good time."

"Is this how Galina taught you?"

He takes a long drink, the muscles in his throat contracting interestingly. Hastily I look back at the stars.

"No, I learned the bas-, what we just went through when I was younger. It's the introduction to combat for a novice. I started training with Galina when I was sixteen."

I watch the stars twinkle in and out of existence. The difference in the course of our lives, both Dhampir's, both born into abuse but completely different lives.

"What are you thinking?" He asks gently.

I exhale, letting all the rising emotion go. "I'm thinking about how much they took from me. From all of us."

From Eddie, from the Others and from her. "I've tried so hard not to think of it but I know they stole her from somewhere, when she was around my age, maybe a little older. She had lived a whole life and they just...took her and condemned her to that. I can't help but think how that shatters a person and pulls them apart beyond repair because I've had such a small taste of it and I would rather die than give it up."

I hadn't meant to say so much, it had all just spilled out.

He speaks carefully. "I think you need to speak to her Rose. I think trying to pretend she doesn't exist doesn't help either of you. She was all you had and just because you have more now doesn't mean you can't have her too."

I swallow. "She hates me."

I hear him move closer but I sit up and slide back, out of reach. "She… cares about me I know. I know she does, she's my mother but she also hates me. And how could she not? Think about it. She suffered more because she had to protect me, provide for me, share her food with me, and worry about me. How could she ever run or try to escape with me? I kept her there as much as they did and every day it killed her a little bit more."

He is on me before I can steady myself. His fingers grip my chin and his voice is laced with quiet anger. "You do not blame yourself for anything. You do not shoulder what monsters decided before you were born, do you understand me? She loves you and that love will have suffered and adapted in order for you both to survive but she loves you. I bear the scar to prove that."

The fingers holding my chin slip over my jaw and my eyes blur. "Tell me you understand." I fight the pain in my throat, the sob wanting to escape but I force myself to swallow. I nod in his hand. "When your ready tell me and we can call her or we could arrange to go to Arizona? I-"

I jerk away and my voice cracks. "I'm not going back there. Not with you. Not with anyone."

He's fighting to keep his face clear but pain and what I think is guilt touches it. "Okay."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore."

"Okay but think about it."

I nod, grinding my teeth again. Crying didn't get you anywhere. I was not a child. Tears didn't embolden or earn you anything.

His hands clench and unclench at his sides. I force myself to look up at him. He's so tall, so solid, so steady and I wanted more than anything to step close and wrap my arms around him, lean against him and feel that reassurance. Did that make me weak?

"I wish...I wish I could hold you." I'm knocked out of the tornado threatening to eat me up from the inside. I'm back on the green, under the fresh night sky with cool pine air and Dimitri looking at me so intensely my heart stutters. His hands are fists by his sides.

Again I have to swallow. I want to tell him I want that too. "But...considerations?"

A muscle ticks in his cheek. "Yes."

The back door opens and he turns abruptly, snatching up the long rubber bands he'd used for some of his own exercises.

"Are you done yet?" Natalie calls. "Do you want waffles for breakfast? It's the only thing I can make."

"Drink plenty of water Rose. Your muscles need it." Dimitri says, the cool, calm voice back in place. He strides back to the house, murmuring a greeting to Natalie who's stepped out.

"Can you feel it getting colder? I bet the snows here before the end of the week."

I blink at the backdoor before pulling my gaze to her. "I've never seen snow."

She grins. "Well, where we go for Christmas break has a whole shit ton of it so I hope you like it."

I struggle to my feet, my legs jellylike from the conversation or the exercises. "How do you measure a 'shit ton'? Just curious."

"Em, somewhere between a shit heap and a fuck ton?"

Somehow I find myself laughing. "You really do make language fun."

"You say the weirdest things sometimes. Also, Daddy isn't mad but rather impressed at how sparkly the house is. I mean he did do the whole 'What do you have to say for yourself' thing but I explained everything, the whole truth, and we're out of hot water."

"Great." Speaking of hot water. "I need to shower Nat, can breakfast wait twenty minutes."

"Course. B.T.W your ass looks fab in those leggings."

"They're too small. Can you show me how to order more?"

Her whole face lights up. "Yesssss. Let's shop after breakfast."

I shower, change, empty my hamper and collect the laundry from the boys' rooms to bring down for the first load of the day. Natalie's pouring waffle mix onto a press and has made the island into a topping station.

"Uh, do you need a hand?"

"No thank you. This won't kill me." She grins and I shift sheepishly.

"I'm sorry about what I said."

"Why? You were right. It was weird though, us two fighting. Aw, our first fight."

I hop up onto a stool. "I managed to fight with everyone yesterday."

"At least I didn't get smacked." She says, grinning wider. "Daddy knows by the way. I thought it would be better that I told him rather than Spiridon."

Oh great.

"I'm not apologising to him." I say stiffly. "But I'll...apologise to Victor. For Mia and for...hitting his Guardian."

She lifts the waffle out of the iron and onto a plate and begins making another. She'd even remembered to heat up the plates to keep the food warm, maybe she had been paying attention all those times she spent watching me. "Daddy said it's good for him and there's probably a line of people waiting to congratulate you."

I laugh and Ben breezes into the room. "Are you holding cooking classes?"

"Yes, and they're expensive." I say.

"I bet."

Natalie smacks his hand with her spatula as he reaches for a blueberry. "Back off, White."

"Also teaching her those habits too." He grumbles and takes up the seat beside me. Natalie winks at him.

"How are you feeling?" He asks me.

"Okay. A little weak maybe. Definitely hungry." I say, extending out my arms and rotating my wrists. "I know I'm going to hurt tomorrow."

"Oh, your going to hurt alright." He cracks his neck. "And what about other things? Namely the jackass we live with."

I cast a look at Natalie who shrugs. "I didn't tell him."

"Spiridon said you clocked him." Ben supplies. "Good for you."

"Thanks."

"And I'm guessing you won't tell us why and Dimitri doesn't know either?"

"Since when are you so nosey?" I say playfully and he bumps my shoulder.

"I've always been nosey. Comes with the territory and there's not a whole lot else going on."

I didn't believe that for a second. "I told Dimitri a little but it doesn't matter. It's done now."

Spiridon glides into the kitchen and takes a bottle of water from the fridge. He takes a long drink, his grey eyes flicking between us and the silence that had settled. He screws back on the cap. "Talking about me then?"

"You're just so interesting." Ben responds drily.

Spiridon bobs his head in appreciation. "True."

Natalie clicks her tongue and adds another waffle to the pile. "Can you carry in the fruit, please?"

"Being helpful two days in a row, Nat? Are you feeling okay?"

Natalie turns to him and points. "I will find a way to get your head into this press. Do not test us today."

Spiridon grins like she's said something appealing. What a psycho. "I'll behave, Miss Dashkov."

"Urgh." Natalie answers.

I make myself busy, lifting plates and grabbing chocolate chips. Ben gets cutlery for the table and soon we're all sitting around the table, Dimitri and Victor joining after coming down the stairs together talking in low tones.

"Victor I-"

He waves me off. "No need to apologise. Natalie explained everything." The girl herself gives me a dazzling smile from across the table. "I'm just happy my home doesn't bear one trace of the party. I am glad you enjoyed yourselves."

Well, that's a relief.

"It was amazing." I tell him. "Like, really amazing, everyone thought so and you couldn't tell it was the same house. Natalie killed it."

"She did." Natalie agrees, squirting a mountain of cream onto her breakfast. Dimitri looks mildly concerned.

I heap berries and maple syrup onto my plate and take the chocolate chip from Ben. "How did your meeting go? About the age vote."

Natalie's fork pauses on the way to her mouth and her eyes dart to her father.

Victor sighs. "Not well. Kirova is For."

"Bitch."

"Natalie!"

"Sorry."

Victors reprimanding gaze leaves his daughter and addresses the table. "Levandi is against and the other three have not decided. There will be more meetings and I will ask some students, Novices and Moroi, to speak on behalf of being against. I expect Kirova will do the same. She had letters from Moroi parents handy yesterday."

"What happens when they make a decision?" I ask.

"If they agree then they collectively, as Heads of Education, are one vote. Their vote will be counted at court, as will the Guard's, the Church and then us on the Coalition count as one also."

"The Guard will vote no." Ben says, mainly to me.

"The Church will say yes." Spiridon says bitterly.

"Which leaves the Coalition and the Heads of Education."

"What if it's tied?" I ask.

"Then the arguing continues until there's a majority." Victor answers glumly, lifting his coffee to his lips. He's pale with dark shadows under his eyes. For the first time, I wonder when was the last time he fed and it doesn't make me flinch.

"And we all get murdered in the meantime." Spiridon adds and Victor's cup clatters onto his saucer. The latter looks pointedly at Natalie whose face has pinched in fear.

"Only you will be if you continue to annoy me." I say brightly, casting him a sweet smile.

His eyes narrow as the rest of the table laugh, tension lifting. Unnoticed by anyone else Dimitri grins at me from behind his coffee cup. I tuck into my breakfast. Ben volunteers himself and the boys to clear things away, which I think is a subtle way of wanting to catch up with each other about the things they'd missed.

Heat pools in my stomach knowing Dimitri has a secret.

"Natalie." Victor calls, as we curl up on the couch. "Kirova was kind enough to remind me you have an Advanced Calculus test on Thursday morning."

Natalie's face darkens. "How nice of her."

"Mhm. A's or consequences my darling." He tells her, making his way back up to his office.

"Bitch." Natalie mutters under he breath as she opens up her laptop. "I bet she sent out a reminder email to the Dragomir's too."

"Why is that a bad thing?"

"Because she hates that we got to have the party and that most of the seniors came back to campus shitfaced. So she made sure most teachers scheduled tests for the first day back – meaning after we shop here I'm gonna have to go study. One of the ways we got to have the party was our year having a high-grade score. She's trying to fuck us all over."

I consider this. "Yeah, what a bitch."

She grins at me. For the next hour, we fill my internet basket with new workout clothes, tops, sweaters, thick socks, jeans, two coats and to Natalie's insistence some skirts and a dress. She goes to a different website for a ski outfit and snow boots.

"Can we...can we look at this section?" I tap the screen.

She looks at me. "Are you sure?"

There's a flutter in my stomach. "Yeah."

An excited squeal escapes her and Ben sticks his head around the corner.

"Nosey!" I yell at him and he winks.

"I'll guess some of the sizes but I'm good at this kinda stuff, most of it should fit."

I breathe around that fluttering. "Okay. Ohh I like the purple."

"Purple, red and black. Those are your colours."

We spend the next hour on the laptop, making sure to lower the screen when anyone comes too close, earning a raised eyebrow from Dimitri and for Ben to point to his eyes and then point to us. I'd stuck my tongue out at him. All three of them disappear into the basement/garage / Ben's tech den.

Natalie selects express deliver and that's it. It's done. I feel very warm.

"Well, I need to go open a book and then slam my head between it." She says, getting to her feet. "Come get me for lunch."

"Yes, Mam."

I resume doing the laundry, loading the second round and putting the first in the dryer. I'm hungry again before long and grab some peanut butter and apple slices. There's some decent protein in this brand and protein is good for your muscles. I scoop out nearly half the jar. I'd found out a lot more about nutrition and opinions on weight gain in the last few weeks, driven by needing to find recipes to fluff up Dimitri. I blend him up a smoothie and stick a postet with his name to it and put it in the fridge. I add peanut butter to my groceries list.

Back in my room I eat and strip my bed, then do the same for Ben, Spiridon, Victor and Natalie. The latter has her earphones in at her desk and doesn't sense me in the room until I blow on the back of her neck. I skip out laughing as she shrieks curses at me. She really did have a colourful vocabulary.

Dimitri is on the landing as I come down.

"Being distracting?"

"Always." I grin.

"Well, that's true." His sensuous lips tilt up.

I become very aware that we're in the dimly lit hall and no one else is.

"Do you have any laundry?"

"No."

"Liar."

"I'll do it."

"Stop being stubborn. I'm already doing everyone's." He opens his mouth, seems to think better of it and shuts it again. "What?"

He licks his bottom lip and I follow the movement. "I was going to say something inappropriate."

"What's stopping you?"

We stare at each other, me daring and him holding back. The air becomes charged and my fingers clutch the bundle in my arms.

"I wanted to ask you something." He says, changing direction. I'm both disappointed and intrigued. "I've booked time off the day after tomorrow. Do you want to go somewhere with me?"

The fluttering is back. "Where?"

"Better kept as a surprise. You'll just have to trust me."

"Will we be alone?"

"Yes."

I bite my lip and his eyes dip to it.

"Okay." I blurt, panicked that if stand here any longer something will happen.

"Okay." He smiles and we just stare at each other.

Would anyone really notice if we locked ourselves in my room again?

Spiridon's voice carries up from the living room and it sobers the atmosphere.

He strides toward me and my heart stutters until he passes me, heading for Victor's office. "Wear something warm."

Being alone with him is enough to send my blood soaring, I wouldn't need clothes. No wait, I did need clothes. I squeak something like 'Okay' or 'yes' or maybe a mixture of both and bolt down the stairs. In the utility room, I lean against the door and allow my face to do whatever it wants, which is to turn red and smile wildly.

Where would we be going? Would the others think it was weird we were going together? No, I mean, they had no reason to, they trusted us. I expect to feel guilty about that but I don't, I'm too excited.

Wear something warm.

I make myself busy.

After lunch I decide to try and wash the suit in my bath, figuring hand washing is the safest option. I'd probably never get the chance to wear it again but it's a memory. It hits me when I'm draining the water that I'm not sure how to dry it. I guess I'll leave it for a few hours and then put it on a towel down under the sink to let the heat from the floor rise up.

That seems like a clever idea.

Where is my mask? Urgh. I probably lost it somewhere, flung it into a bush or Nat got it in her trash pick up.

I read on my bed for a while and then go switch over the laundry before getting dinner started.

"Need a hand?" Ben shouts, not looking away from the TV.

"No."

"Well, if you change your mind - YESSS GET IT!"

I open the fridge to inspect what we have and grin to see the smoothie gone, the postet has been moved to a bottle of water with his name crossed out and mine on it instead. A protein bar beside it.

I set up my chopping station, pre-heat the oven and eat my snack whilst listening to one of the many playlists Natalie and Lissa have made. My 'music education' and today's playlist is labelled, 'kick-ass women'.

I hadn't heard a song so far I didn't like.

"...I collected the pieces and picked out a dagger, I've pinched my skin in between my two fingers and wished I could cut some parts off with some scissors."

I pile potatoes into a pot to boil and scrape the other veggies into the baking dish with the chicken. Now I have some time to kill.

"I, I keep a record of the wreckage of my life, I gotta recognize the weapon in my mind..."

I slide across the floor to open the dishwasher.

"I'm no sweet dream, but I'm a hell of a night, That I'm no sweet dream, but I'm a hell of a night..."

I slam it closed, pull out the cleaning spray from under the sink and spin back toward the island.

"No, I won't smile, but I'll show you my teeth, And I'ma let you speak if you just let me breathe…"

I wipe down the counters, flipping the utensils between my hands and spinning on my tiptoes.

"I could play nice or I could be a bully, I'm tired and angry, but somebody should be.."

Dimitri is leaning against the entry, arms crossed, watching me.

"Don't let me interrupt." he says, with the slightest of smiles.

I feel the heat rushing to my cheeks. Ben comes up behind him. Clearly, he'd seen from the couch that I'd been dancing about like an idiot.

"I actually know this one. Natalie played it on loop in the car." Ben says, grabbing my phone and increasing the volume.

What is happening?

He grins broadly and starts singing the words.

No, seriously, what is happening?

The song crashes into the main part and Ben really gets into it. I exchange a look with Dimitri and he starts laughing at Ben, who's unabashedly getting into it.

"I, I keep a record of the wreckage of my life, I gotta recognize the weapon in my mind, They talk shit, but I love it every time…"

I can't help it, I get pulled into it and don't even care that I get some of the words wrong. When the song ends Ben taps down the volume as the next one starts.

"Hows the legs?" He asks me.

"I can feel it setting in." I say truthfully, glancing at Dimitri who hasn't moved from his post.

"Let's walk, it'll help."

"I have a timer on the food and -"

"I'll make sure nothing sets the fire alarm off." Dimitri says and then adds, "Unless Spiridon puts his head near the stove again."

"Man, he wears too much hairspray." Ben exhales and pulls the back door open, a chill greets us. He sweeps out an arm. "After you."

"Wait." Dimitri strides forward, pulling off his black hoodie. He holds it out to me. "It's cold."

"It is?" Ben steps out. "Huh...I guess after Russian winters I developed another layer of skin of something."

I take the hoodie from Dimitri's hand, trying not to look as ridiculously pleased about it as I feel. I pull it on, letting the warmth and his smell wrap around me.

"Thank you." I murmur.

"You'll have my entire wardrobe at this rate."

"So you'll have nothing to wear?" I say playfully, quietly hopeful, thinking about him shirtless. I hadn't properly gotten to appreciate it at the time, him being seriously injured and all, but I'd thought about it since.

His dark eyes flick to mine and the weight of them makes me want to step back. My mouth goes dry. Ben taps on the glass, having pulled the door closed as he waited so the heat didn't escape the house. I steal air into my lungs and slip out.

It is cold, much colder than I'd anticipated. I wrap my arms around myself and inhale his smell. Ben pulls the hood up as we approach the trial.

"Thanks."

"So tell me, honestly, you okay, kid?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"Spiridon. The party. The hangover from hell."

I laugh. "The party was worth it. Although the things that girl, Mia, was saying was just… it was so unnecessary. Like, desperate. It was really strange."

"Girls are strange. No offence."

"I might be strange but I'm not screaming-at-a-party-about-bloodwhores-and-trying-to-attack-people strange."

"Well, I'll give you that. Actually sad I missed it. I would have liked to have tossed her out."

"Because you're nosey."

He laughs. "Yup. Victor's aware of those accusations and Kirova is dealing with it, by the way, that's not being let go lightly."

I shrug. "Doesn't bother me."

"It bothers the rest of us."

"Because of Victor?" I question, recalling how Mia had nastily insinuated I was his live at home blood supply with my 'tits out'. God, that is embarrassing. I'd thought my public make-out session was the worst but maybe it's that.

"Because no one should be talked about like that."

Again, I couldn't really see Mia facing any punishment that would hold any weight or affect her in any way. If I ever see that girl again I'm sure she'll be the same, if not more vicious.

After a few minutes, I can feel the muscles in my legs loosening up a bit. I kick out my leg. "This is helping."

"Stretch before bed. You'll still be sore tomorrow but stretch again when you get up."

"Yes, sir. What do you think will happen if the age vote gets passed?"

He blows out a long breath. "Honestly? I think things will get royally fucked, pardon the language."

"I don't mind." Natalie is more than colourful with hers and I was actually starting to think swearing helped convey things better. "Royally fucked how?"

"I think, for the first time in history, The Guard could be divided in a strike. Refusing to work."

He'd added the last part for my benefit. "But how would that help anything?"

"Well, it wouldn't and it would leave things open to attack so I doubt they'd hold for long in that instance. We are warriors and they come first, so no matter what we'll never stand by idle. But it would make a statement. To certify sixteen year olds for the field...it's not right. It'll do more damage and more people will die. They need more time, more field training, shadowing experienced Guardians – reading about it and training in the safety of the school is about 50% of you need to equip you."

"Dimitri said, that most Guardians hesitate when they face a Strigoi for the first time."

A small glow of pride lights in my chest as I remember that had been a small part of his speech last night and how I hadn't hesitated.

"They do and they die, in one sense or another. Drained or Made."

I shiver, the wind in the tree's ominous now. Ben glances at the lights on our path as if to reassure himself too. White not red.

"The whole thing is a distraction from our main problem" He goes on. "The Strigoi numbers are escalating and what's worse is their co-ordinating, nesting in larger groups. A large group could ravage a small town or village overnight and there aren't enough of us to protect against them. See it as even the best Guardian would be matched by two Strigoi. The Zeklos family had twelve Guardians with them the night their home was attacked which would mean-"

"The Strigoi had at least double?"

"Maybe, maybe a little less but the biggest nest ever found only had six. This...fuck there are no words about how scary it is."

I look up at him, my breath fanning out in front of me like mist. "You're scared?"

Ben smiles sadly. "We all should be."

We'd been talking about big, overbearing and worrying things but I hadn't expected him to ever admit he's afraid. Concerned, alarmed, angered, determined, pissed, reserved – these were all things I'd apply to the three of them but afraid? I thought fear was trained out of them. Even when Dimitri was dying in Estonia he'd been determined the entire time.

Had he been scared? Or had he been too focused on the goal – getting me somewhere safe.

I hadn't thanked him for it.

We reach the halfway point of the trial, where the woods fall away and you can see out onto the lake. The moon is reflected on its glassy surface and the house is lit up on the far shore.

I grope for a change of topic but he beats me to it. "I'm not asking you to talk about it but I just want you to know that things in Arizona are better. The Ozera's have stayed at Court or their townhouse in New York."

I keep my gaze ahead. Had Dimitri asked him to tell me that?

The words are out before I can stop them. "Better how?"

"Proper bedding, facilities to bathe, food and they've had a medical once over. They're...they're obviously not, I mean it just can't be fixed how they've lived so they're adjusting. Some still choose to do work for something to do, something familiar but they're distrustful and keep to themselves." She wouldn't accept help or anything willingly from anyone. I bet when she was offered a bed she chose to sleep on the floor because then it would mean she wouldn't owe anything to anyone. "A report comes to Dimitri every few days. When he was out it came to me."

I chew the skin inside my cheek. "She hates it doesn't she?"

He's quiet and I feel him look at me, knowing who 'she' is. "She has been… uncooperative."

I wonder how long it took for the withdrawals to set in and if she'd come over the worst of it. I don't ask. I don't want to know. I couldn't do anything here in my comfy new life. I couldn't help.

"Thanks for telling me. Please… please don't bring it up again. If I want to know I'll ask."

"Okay. I don't know if this is in the same neighbourhood but Tasha being here, were you okay with that?"

"You are awful nosey today, is that why you brought me out here?"

He places a hand over his heart and his expression is of a wounded puppy. "I am just looking out for you, you are my sister after all."

I snort. "On a fake bit of paper."

"A fake passport is still a passport, well, sort of. Well, your still my fake sister."

"So are you fake concerned?"

Now he does look hurt. "No. I know how shit those weeks we were when we were away and you were here. No contact from us and a relative to those people staying in the house. I should have called but what could I have said to make it better?"

He could have said they were coming back. He could have just talked to me to chase out the loneliness.

"Shit's one way of putting it. We mostly ignored each other. I came out here a lot, baked and tried to stay busy. I felt useless though, knowing he was… so hurt. I'd eavesdrop on the Alchemists. This one blonde girl really hated me, nearly always caught me doing it." The trail gets steeper and I concentrate on it for a few seconds. "Why didn't...why didn't Victor help us get back?"

"It wasn't a choice that was made. We didn't have the contacts in Estonia and the Alchemist Spiridon got hold of was one of the shadiest ones, hence you getting up in some drug cartel."

"But after, she had all the help waiting."

"To be honest I don't know what the conversation between her and Victor was. Tasha and Dimitri are old friends, she'd help him in any way she could."

"Are they just friends?" I ask quietly.

"Yep although, it's not a secret she wants more. Perhaps it's a reason Victor let her lead the medical help? Dimitri could actually realise he doesn't need to be a tortured lone soul and people have genuine intentions."

What was genuine about expecting someone to want you because you saved their life?

'That's not something you have to worry about.'

"Has he always been a 'tortured lone soul'?"

Ben laughs. "No, not always."

I bump my hip with his, trying to keep all tumbling feelings off my face. "Well c'mon, tell me."

"Now who's nosey?" He grins. "But who could blame you, doesn't seem like he enjoys much does he? That sounds bad, I like Dimitri. I just mean, well, he's very different to who he was at school. Now it's difficult to coax a smile from him."

It dawns on me just how little they know him. They know a version of him, the Guardian version. But I've known him to joke and laugh, smile and talk about his family with both love and agony in his eyes. I've seen him be passionate, the memory blazing a thrill up my spine. I've seen him be open, be gentle, be considerate, be calm, be firm, be ferocious and be stoic.

"Dimitri at school… hmm… how do I even explain." He muses. "If there was trouble it usually involved him. If there was a fight it usually involved him and Spiridon 89% of the time which became 100% when he got involved with Sofia."

"Sofia?" I prompt, an odd weight settling into my stomach.

"Mhm. Royal, beautiful and a load of trouble. The gist of it is, and honestly the jist because I wasn't friends with them back then, Spiridon liked her too and she knew that, so did Dimitri."

That weight is a solid, cold ball sinking to the pits of my being.

Beautiful and royal.

"Their last fight had our common room destroyed and I mean destroyed. Natasha tried to break them up using her magic but she set fire to the curtains and half the carpet. They were nearly expelled but one of our mentors stepped in and made a deal. After that, they both calmed down. Dimitri stopped seeing Sofia a few months after."

Natalie had told me and Lissa once about a list Victor had, of the boys and all the 'relations' they'd had. Sofia was Dimitri's one. Or did Victor only know about one and there were more? Dimitri had said he started training with Galina when he was sixteen and if Sofia had been his last relation then he hadn't been with anyone in years. The heaviness in my stomach lightens.

Spiridon had liked her too…

We round a cropping of tree's and the house looms up ahead.

"And what about you?" I ask him, trying to remember a name. "Are things better with, Sonya?"

Sadness washes over his face and it's so startling I put a hand on his arm. "Not good. She's very unwell. They moved her to a facility yesterday. Hopefully they can help her."

I want to ask more but the look on his face is so raw that I look back at the house and try to keep my voice even. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, me too." He clears his throat and forces some brightness into it. "So, big outing with Belikov in a few days."

"You know about that?"

"Yes, why is it a secret?"

I flush. "No."

"Know where you're going?"

"No. Do you?"

"Nope."

"Any ideas?"

"Maybe the Missoula library seeing you both like to read."

A smile breaks over my face. "Really?"

He laughs. "No, but I'll bear the library in mind if you ever need cheering up."

"Our library has too much non-fiction."

"Noted." He says as we come out of the trees, walking across the green to the back door. "Remember to stretch later or tomorrow will be unbearably hard."

I nod. "Thanks for the walk."

"Pleasure was all mine. Let's make it a regular thing, an excuse to gossip."

I mull that over. "Okay, I'll make sure I have more to contribute next time."

He opens the door and gestures me in first. "I hope so, I basically carried that whole thing."

Dimitri is sitting at the island and the kitchen is clear of any burning smells. He puts down his phone as we step inside. He's already gotten out plates and cutlery which Ben snatches up, declaring dramatically that that's his job. Dimitri holds up his hands in a show of apology and Ben sticks his nose up in the air and walks out, causing me to giggle.

Dimitri crosses his arms and leans on the island, making the muscles in his arms more pronounced. The laughter dies off and I turn to the stove. I push the sleeves up, the arms are far too long and hide my hands, and move to the sink to drain the potatoes.

"Could you lift the chicken out and pour its juices over it? And water if it's looking dry." I ask, grabbing the masher. The back of my neck is getting far too warm. I know he's been watching me.

"I can."

We move around the kitchen seamlessly preparing food and for a tiny moment, I pretend it's just us. Like when we ate spaghetti and watched the western.

Ben fills a jug of water and sets the table, the smell of dinner must have wafted up the stairs because the tell-tale thudding all start at the same time. Spiridon appears first, of course, then Natalie and then Victor. Despite it being dinner time he asks for an espresso which Dimitri beats me to it. After dinner Natalie and Dimitri help me clear up, earning Victor to blink in bemusement at his daughter balancing all the plates.

"I think you're a good influence on her." He muses.

After everything's cleared away the boys settle in the living room, Natalie goes back to studying and I curl up on my bed until Lissa calls me. I tell her about the day before which feels like an entire week of events had been pressed into it. She tells me about Adrian still being drunk in the car, falling asleep in their parent's bed before being moved to Andre's where he him found later in then nude, Adrian having woke up and stripped, but somehow he charmed her parents into letting him drink again at dinner where he and Lissa's mother ended up on the piano and singing.

"I have never seen my Mom that drunk. Andre's so pissed." She says and I struggle not to make pig sounds I'm laughing so hard.

They'd had gone back to college earlier today and I'm disappointed I didn't get more time with Adrian. He's a whirlwind of unpredictability and fun.

Like Natalie, Lissa has tests to study for but she gets really enthusiastic when I tell her about Natalie's tutoring idea.

"Yeah but Liss, I don't know anything. What if I have to start where a child starts?"

"You won't, don't underestimate yourself."

After we hang up I try to lose myself in a book so I don't stress about it but I can't follow the path of words, my mind wandering someplace else entirely.

I hadn't had a chance to replay last night. I'd had a dream though where Dimitri was over me, pressing the entirety of himself against me and it had made me ache in a way that was so foreign to my body. We'd kissed a lot in the dream and it must have taken up the whole eight hours in my head. When I woke up my thighs had been pressed tightly together and the ache was still there. I panicked my period was coming early.

I'd worried, really worried, that the first thing he'd say to me today was that it had all been a horrendous mistake. Then I worried that it was only that passionate and that incredible because tension had been running high all day. But neither happened, he greeted me in the kitchen with a smile, already having coffee and started going through what we'd be doing.

Then I was distracted because we weren't talking about it and maybe I had dreamt it. Until when we stepped outside and he put his hand on my lower back and I knew it was real. Then there was the moment in the hallway.

"The book can't be that good if you're staring into space."

I meet those dark magnetic eyes and the ghost of that ache pulses through me. "I...well, no. It's Natalie's history book. I understand about half of it."

"Puts you ahead of most people who understand nothing about history or respecting it."

I twist my fingers into the cuffs of his sweatshirt. "You mean the age vote? It seems like a really bad idea."

"It is." He agrees and then he steps into my room. My heart rate picks up. "Did you and Ben enjoy your walk?"

"Yep, we talked about that and some other things. His guess is that you're taking me to the library."

He cocks his head. "No, a quiet place is not what I had in mind."

"Oh?"

He grins and I wish he'd closed the door. "I already gave you a clue. Dress warmly. That's all your getting so you'll have to trust me."

"Always."

He approaches the bed and the last time he'd done that flashes in my mind with such potency my breath catches. He reaches out and takes one of the drawstrings between his fingers. "Am I getting this back?"

"No." He raises an eyebrow and I say in a rush, "You look better without it and I look better in it."

The way he's looking at me I'll never doubt I imagine anything ever again. "You do look ridiculously adorable."

I could reach out and tug him down to me. I could feel those arms properly without any material covering them. It must be all over my face because he steps away and sits down on the window seat. A healthy, respectable distance...and I wonder if it's all because the damn door is open and that Spiridon's voice can faintly be heard from downstairs.

"We're going to try jogging tomorrow." He says, steering the topic. "Remember to stretch before you go to sleep."

I resist asking him to help me with that.

"I will. Should we make terms for our bet, about who'll be running the route before Christmas?"

"I thought it was a challenge, not a bet."

"Scared I'll win?"

His eyes spark. "What are your terms?"

I think for a beat. "To be decided."

He chuckles and my stomach flutters. "To be decided. We'll measure it by who runs it in the shortest time, agreed?"

Well, it sounded better than actually racing side by side. That would be distracting. "Agreed."

He stands and heads to the door. "You should know, there hasn't been a physical challenge I haven't succeeded at in six years."

"Sorry, I'll be to breaking your streak."

He grabs the door handle and grins over his shoulder at me. "We'll see, Roza. We'll see."

The door clicks and I immediately get off the bed, needing to move, needing to do something. I start the stretches.

I had to win.

The next morning, after more weird Dimitri dreams that also involved Natalie giving me instructions on how to have sex (but sex in the dream was actually cooking which had me blinking at the ceiling in bewilderment when I woke up) it takes me a full ten minutes to get down the stairs. My legs aren't the worst of it. I felt like I'd been punched repeatedly in the stomach, and then those muscles had been cruelly pulled apart. I couldn't stand up straight. I had to take the stairs on my ass after giving up walking down them.

I'm still bent at the waist when I make it to the entry. Dimitri is sitting at the island again with a coffee in his hand. I try to straighten before he notices me, which does grab his attention and if the movement hadn't then the hiss that escapes my lips definitely would.

He blinks. "Sore?"

I glare at him.

"Same. It means we're doing something right." He stands, slowly, and takes something out of the microwave. He holds the blue thing up. "A warm compress will help and then we'll stretch."

I almost hiss again. "I feel like I could be sick."

He reaches me and says gently, "Don't whine."

I continue glaring at him, which is hard to do half bent over. He holds up the compress. "This goes around your midsection. May I?" I nod, just wanting the hell to end. He gently secures it on me, the heat seeping into my skin through my shirt. "Give it a minute."

Mercifully after a few minutes of leaning on the island, my muscles relax enough for me to straighten and I sigh in relief.

"We need to get you some thermal clothes if we're training in the winter." He says.

"You just want your hoodie back." I tease and he throws me a smirk over his shoulder. "Me and Natalie ordered clothes yesterday. They should be coming tomorrow."

"Good. I think later we'll need to book time in the Academy's facilities. When the snow starts it'll get more difficult to be outside." I straighten up at that but immediately wince. "A hot bath later will help too."

"Spiridon was right about something." I mutter and he raises an eyebrow. "I have gotten softer."

"You adapted and now you'll adapt again."

I take a deep breath, my muscles protesting but not as loudly and then unstrap the compress. "Let's start."

He zips up his jacket and I pull on his hoodie.

"We're jogging, two minutes on and then one minute off, for as long as we can."

We step into the cold evening which doesn't feel cold for long as we get moving. By the time we get halfway, my lungs and sides are burning but I'm determined, especially now there are stakes. When we get back to the green I allow myself to collapse and lie there a wheezing, burning mess.

We'd been silent the entire run with the exception of him calling time. He sinks down onto the grass next to me, remaining dignified on his butt whereas I've sprawled out like roadkill.

"You're going to say we're doing it again, aren't you?" I say between pants.

"Yes. Two minutes on, two minutes rest."

I groan.

"Up. Staying still for too long makes it worse."

Coming from a man who broke out into a sweat from walking it the other day. I push myself up and we go again. After the halfway point the only thing that pushes me into a jog is sheer will. I'm covered in sweat, sweating in places I hadn't sweated in months but his breathing is nearly as harsh as mine – well when I can hear over my own breathing. When we make it back to the house I collapse and I think he'll have to drag me inside. The grass being so cold it feels wet is wonderful against my cheek.

"C'mon up."

"I can't do it again."

"We're not." I could moan in relief but then he adds. "Same movements as yesterday. Let's go."

When Ben comes out later the only thing I can move without effort is my eyelids.

He lifts my bottle of water from the back step and brings it to me, a sympathetic smile on his face as Dimitri completes his burpee sets behind me. I lift my face from the grass. "Thank you."

He winks and then takes off on his own run.

Dimitri finally stops, hands on his hips, breathing hard and cheeks flushed. I push myself up onto my elbows.

"Please don't say -"

"Up."

I groan but stagger to my feet.

"Cool down, back around the lake but we'll walk."

"How does that help me cool down?" I grumble, trudging after him and his stupid long legs.

"After intense activity, we have to ease your body back to its resting state."

"Lying down was letting me do that."

"I said easing into a resting state. Throwing yourself to the ground isn't the same."

Whatever.

Halfway round Ben passes us on his second lap. Dimitri's eyes follow him until he disappears back into the trees.

"How are you feeling?" I ask.

"Frustrated." He answers immediately, surprising me. "But I know I'll get back to where I was. I just need to be patient."

"You and me both."

For breakfast, I make French toast, bacon, eggs, sausages, prep fruit and put out all the trimmings. Natalie's sleepy face lights up as she clocks the dining table from the stairs. I eat until it's difficult to breathe and somehow find room to eat some more. The rest of the day I nap and help Natalie study for her American Literature test, which is just me asking questions she's written out and listening to her rhyme of paragraphs she's memorised. None of it makes sense to me so I'm not sure I'm much help at all.

Later when I'm in the bath, rubbing down my sore calves and willing my stomach muscles to calm down I start thinking about tomorrow. My stomach spasms are joined by the fluttering feeling.

Alone with Dimitri. I hope there will be more kissing. There would be. Whether I had to push him into a closet or something. I needed to experience that again. The thought makes my hot bath water feel almost unbearable. There's something...deliciously indecent about thinking about this naked.

I grin around the bubbles piled around my face. I hadn't gotten the bubble bath ratio right at all.

A light tap on the bathroom door almost has me inhaling suds.

"Yes?" I squeak, fingers clutching the enamel.

"I just wanted to let you know that we need to leave at 7:30 am so you should probably get some rest."

Dimitri. Dimitri is talking to me while I'm naked. Naked in the bath. Naked.

7:30 am?

I swallow and stare at the door. It is definitely locked. "That is...very early."

"Mhm. I've been waiting to tell you for over an hour but I began to worry you'd shrivelled up in there."

I relax back and extend my leg, making the water slosh. "No, not shrivelled. Maybe a little wrinkled."

It's quiet and I begin to wonder if he's left but then he says. "I'll see you in a few hours, Roza."

I hear the faint click of my bedroom door and exhale so hard bubbles spit out over the bath's edge.

What if I hadn't locked the door?

Well, he'd hardly come barging in would he? No.

But the idea that he could...that door could be unlocked and I was naked makes my toes curl. I grab my phone and realise I only have a handful of hours before I need to be leaving with him. I wrap myself in a towel, muscles feeling way looser but still tender, and peek out the door to make sure my bedroom is definitely empty.

It's weird how I'm both disappointed and relieved.

I lay out my clothes for tomorrow and braid my damp hair. I settle into bed and set an alarm for 7 am. Despite my tired body it takes forever to drift off and it's not a deep sleep either. Soon the irritating ringing comes from my bedside. In the bathroom I wash and unbraid my hair, running my fingers through it so it softens into waves. It's nowhere near as beautiful as it had been on Halloween but it's just as shiny and I'm really pleased with it. I dress in a rich plum jumper, dark jeans and black lace-up boots.

I'm so focused on getting ready that I don't really care that most of my body hurts. I'm so excited I don't care that I've had three hours of sleep. I'm so fluttery with nerves I don't realise the time and have to stop myself from running down the stairs.

I hear the fridge being closed and compose myself before hitting the hallway floor and rounding into the kitchen.

Dimitri looks up from where he's putting water bottles into a backpack. His dark hair is down and he's dressed in all black.

"Morning." I blurt.

"For once, it is." He says and shoulders the backpack. He crosses the room until he can reach out and wrap a lock of my hair around his finger. Studies it for a moment and I don't breathe. He smiles. "Let's get going."

I grab my coat and follow him out into the drive where his SUV is waiting. Dawn is coming, chasing the navy out of the sky. The morning air is cool and my breath fans out in front of me. It's so strange knowing the sun is approaching and we're going to be awake for it, it almost feels like we're about to explore a whole different world.

"Where are we going?" I ask, hopping up into the car.

It hits me that we're alone, really alone and about to drive off from everyone we've been keeping a secret from.

"Do I really need to explain what a surprise is?"

I roll my eyes. "No."

"Let this be an exercise for your patience." He says, echoing our conversation from yesterday.

"What about your patience?" I grumble.

"Believe me, I'm exercising that enough." I don't have the nerve to ask him what he means. "We're going to be driving for around an hour. You should sleep if you're tired."

I'm wide awake. "No, I'm okay."

The drive is a replica of the first time I came to Montana, I'd marvelled at the landscape then and I do the same now as he drives. We go through the town, passing stores, snaking onto a road leading away further away from anything familiar, all considerations. We travel onto roads that open the land to us, trees and mountains flanking us all around in the distance until we turn into the woodland. A river snakes along my side and then the earth elevates and the river starts to fall away. We round a bend in the road and the ground evens out into a clearing. Dimitri pulls the car to a stop.

"Where are we?"

"Blodgett Canyon. Come on or we'll miss it."

"Miss what?"

"Patience." He grins and grabs the bag from the backseat.

I jump out and we set off onto a steep trail. As if my muscles weren't already in bad shape. I'm gonna have to spend hours in the bath later. The terrain gets steeper but I refuse to complain, even though I'm falling behind him. He stops to look back and I ready myself for him to tell me to hurry because we're going to miss whatever the hell it is up here, but he holds out his hand to me with a small, almost unsure, smile.

I take it.

It also means he can pull me along on those long legs.

"Almost there."

There's a sharper rock face ahead and he lets go of my hand to climb it, another thing he makes look easy and graceful. He shrugs off the bag and reaches down for me, telling me where to plant my feet and helps pull me up. His hands hold my upper arms as I straighten and find myself looking up into his face, framed by his loose hair but then he's turning me by the shoulders.

A soft gasp leaves my lips.

I move forward, as close to the lip of the cliffside as I dare, my eyes drinking in everything in front of me.

I'm on top of the world. It's literally at my feet.

Outstretched in front of us is a Valley nestled between gigantic mountains capped in white. In the heart of it winds a rushing, wild river banked by sentries of trees and I know in my bones their older than I can comprehend. This is a corner of the world untouched, preserved in its history and its secrets, slumbering in its own beauty.

"Any minute now." Dimitri murmurs against my hair.

Ahead in the V between mountains, the mist is colouring to an orange hue and then without warning the sun bursts through, almost blinding in its brilliance. I rock back on my heels, the wind taken from my lungs as the valley ignites in the sunrise. My face is warming in the glow of every ray that touches my face. The river below reflects gold and oranges, the beams stretching out to the trees in a gentle caress and staining them amber.

All of the colours, the orange, golds, greens all blur and I have to blink the wonder out of my eyes. It's the most beautiful thing I have ever seen and ever will see. I turn to him to see if he's seeing this, if he's feeling anything of what I'm feeling but he isn't watching the valley, he's watching me.

His face is bathed in sunrise, lighting the gold in his dark eyes, turning them molten. The reddish strands in his hair glint and I realise I'm wrong, he's beautiful and he's always been but I hadn't allowed myself to fully see it before because of what it would mean. What it would do to me.

"This." He says, reaching out to brush his thumb against my cheek. "This is the exact look I hoped for."

There's too much emotion in my heart to process, a small laugh escapes me and I blurt, "Is this to say sorry for making me plank?"

He chuckles and turns me back toward the valley. His hand settles on my shoulder and after thinking about it for a moment, I relax into his side.

We watch the sun warm up the world.

---

A little while later we're settled on the ground, enjoying the morning and the forest waking up as the sun continues to climb. He'd packed water and a thermos of hot chocolate, which also helped warm my hands as well as being delicious. There's a slight chill from sitting on the ground but the sun still held enough warmth to stop it from running all over me. It also helped I was leaning against a Russian man whose skin burned hot no matter the temperature around him.

"How did you find this place?" I ask him.

"By accident. I didn't have much to do on my days off bar hike the trails."

"Alone?"

"Yes. I prefer my own company."

"Oh well then, I can go wait in the car if you want?"

He blows out a breath like he's been hard done by. "I've grown used to you by now."

I laugh quietly and lace our free hands together, feeling heat creep into my cheeks that I hide behind my cup.

His thumb brushes the back of my hand. "I thought about bringing you here for a while. I thought it would be somewhere you'd like."

"I do. I love it. Thank you."

I feel him turn his face into my hair. "You're welcome."

Here on the top of the world, it's just us.

I tilt my face up to his, almost feeling shy about my silent ask. He looks back at me and I imagine he's reading my expression before his eyes drop to my lips. His chin dips lower and my eyes drift close as I close the distance and press my lips to his. I hear his cup clatter and then his hand is holding my face, sliding to the back of my head. My breath catches when he parts my lips with his tongue and he tastes like chocolate.

I want to pull him closer or climb into his lap. I want my fingers in his hair and his arms tightly around me but I also want it to just be this, slow and unrushed with no concerns.

I just want so much.

We stay there until it gets too cold to ignore, the sun has climbed higher and the valley is no longer cradled in its special glow. He holds his hand out to me to help me back down, expecting me to try and use the same footholds as before, but instead I jump.

His eyes widen. "Der'mo."

I hit the ground, my knees threatening to buckle and his fingers gripping mine having found them mid-leap.

I grin up at him. "What does that mean?"

"Shit." He answers, his expression a conflict of disapproval and amusement.

"Dermoe. Der'mo?"

He turns away to hide his smile and begins tugging us along the trail, hands linked. "You could of really hurt your knees, to say the least."

"Maybe you would have, old man."

He gives my fingers a squeeze. "Well if you landed on this old man you'd have no one to drive you home."

"Are you saying I'm heavy?"

"Are you saying I'm old?"

I laugh, carefree and light. "Tushay? Touche?"

"Touché."

We pass some humans setting out for a hike, they smile at us and say good morning. There's something nice about people seeing us. When he drops my hand to get into the car I can't help but wonder when will be the next time. The next time we kiss, hold hands, be alone together.

He starts the engine and turns on the hot air.

"Are we going back now?" I ask quietly, trying to conceal the disappointment.

"Aren't you tired?" He asks, swinging the car around and driving back the way we came.

"A bit but I don't want to go home yet."

I didn't have a plan of what we could do instead. I didn't have mountain sunrises up my sleeve to show him.

"Are you hungry?" He asks.

"I can always eat."

We drive into a town with yellow buses passing by and humans bustling about in the morning. Dimitri pulls to a stop in front of a diner with a neon pink sign. I hop out stupidly giddy which increases tenfold when he holds the door open for me with a smile.

This is a normal thing that normal people do.

This is kinda like a date.

The thought makes me walk into a human boy struggling with his backpack. His scowl drops off his face when I offer a quick apology, turning into a smile.

"You're not from around here." He says. He's broad and built with muscle although his face is still boyish.

"No." I answer and move up to Dimitri's side, where he's taking menus from a waitress.

"Well, can I get your number?" He asks from behind me.

"No, you can't." Dimitri answers loudly, not looking back but it's clear who he's talking to.

The scowl comes back to the boy's face but I turn away, grinning, and slide my hand into his warm, calloused one. He squeezes my fingers and leads me to a booth.

"Are you going to order something high in protein or drowning in sugar?" He asks after a few minutes.

"Sugar, definitely." I close the menu and he shakes his head. "Technically it's the middle of the night and sugar helps keep you awake. Gives you energy. I read that." He's staring at me in that way that makes me shift in my seat. "Teach me more Russian?"

And he does. He teaches me some phrases, laughing when I mess it up so badly that even I cringe and stick my tongue out. It's a hard language to bend my tongue around. When our food arrives we eat in comfortable silence, even when he looks incredulous at me adding chocolate sauce to my confetti pancakes.

"You're just jealous." I sing-song.

"Your blood must be made of syrup." He says, spearing his boring egg whites.

"Are you saying I'm sweet?"

He doesn't answer but he smiles around his coffee mug.

I really thought sugar would help keep me awake but now I'm just full, sleepy and sluggish. Learning Russian is even harder and my bad attempts are just making me laugh.

"Okay, definitely time for sleep." Dimitri says, taking out his wallet and throwing down some bills.

I hadn't thought about this. "I don't have money. I didn't bring my card."

"I've got it, don't worry."

I bite my lip. "I'll remember next time and I'll pay."

He stands and pulls on his coat. "Next time."

Next time.

He slides an arm around my waist as we leave, my body feeling heavy, the aches harder to ignore. He basically lifts me into my seat and blearily I clip my seat belt on.

"Aren't you tired?" I mumble as the car pulls out.

"Go to sleep Roza. I'll wake you when we're home."

The gentle purr of the engine lulls my eyes to close but I reach for his hand and only fall asleep when his fingers clasp mine. I wake to the familiar smell of my bedroom, my head on my pillows and his arms sliding out from under me.

"Spasibo." I mumble.

I could swear there's a feather-light brush of his lips against my forehead before I'm pulled under.

---

I wake with a head full of heavy fog that makes me just want to give back to sleep. Until I remember. I sit up, still in my jeans and jumper which feels weird, and check my phone. It's so late, after nine. Why hadn't anyone woke me?

I chuck off my sleep rumpled clothes and pull on some yoga pants and a fresh long-sleeved tee. When I pad out into the hall voices greet me from the living room, lots of them, new voices and...

My mood sours.

I smooth down my hair and descend to see Ben, Dimitri, Spiridon, Natasha Ozera and three other people, Dhampir's, I didn't know sitting in the living room drinking beers. Ben jerks his chin up at me in greeting. Dimitri's beside him watching me, his hair loose and he's wearing a shirt. I lift my chin and swerve into the kitchen, instantly relieved to find Natalie there pouring out some soda.

"What time do you call this?" She asks but it doesn't hold her usual sparkle. She looks as tired as I feel. "When did you two get back?"

"I think just before 1 pm, I'm not sure. I fell asleep in the car. What's that about in there?"

I help myself to her soda, hoping it'll wake me up. "Oh, it's Dimitri's birthday or something. They're all going out. Woah easy."

I clear my throat around the acid burn I'd choked on. "His birthday?"

"Not today, think it was a while ago but seeing he got today off they surprised him."

"You mean she did." I mutter. "Wait if everyone's going out are we left here alone?"

"No, Spiridon's staying."

"Not invited along?"

"Actually, I was." I understand the phrase 'speak of the devil' entirely now. He saunters in and takes a beer from the fridge. Natalie pulls out another glass to pour soda, seeing I've taken hers. "But being the gent that I am I volunteered to stay back. For one, Natalie needs help with calculus." Natalie sighs heavily at this. "And two, White needs it more than I do. What with his girlfriend going bananas."

"Don't say it like that." Natalie snaps.

Spiridon's expression stays neutral, no smirk, no remorse. "I didn't mean anything by it. Just stating facts."

I say in a hushed voice, almost feeling guilty. "He told me she's not doing well."

"She's not." Natalie answers, sadly. "Miss Karp's been taken to a facility to help her. She really hurt herself apparently."

"Sectioned." Spiridon adds, taking a long drink.

I'm about to ask more but a chorus of laughter goes up in the living room and I grind my teeth. Natasha and one of the Dhampir's I don't know are standing with her phone held up in front of her. The Dhampir is around the same age as her, dressed in figure-hugging jeans and a cropped top that shows her midriff. Simple but effective. Natasha is also wearing jeans but with a slinky silver top where the front of it hangs low, showing the slight curve of her breasts.

Spiridon follow my eyeline and I turn away but it's too late. "Someone bothering you?"

I take a deep breath through my nose to buy time. I can hardly say much in front of Natalie and I can hardly tell the truth about the deep icky acidy feeling in my stomach - jealously.

"She's bothering me to." Natalie says, grabbing both of our attention.

"Oh really?" Spiridon says, leaning down on his forearms. He's a big gossip too. "The class thing?"

Natalie hums. "It's getting annoyingly persistent."

I click the pieces together. "She's pestering you to go to her defence class?"

Natalie nods again and the look on her face reminds me of a scheming mean girl from a show I watched, an aloof disdain. "When someone starts annoying you you can't help but notice all the things they do that are annoying, yano what I mean?"

Spiridon and I exchange a look. "Yes."

Natalie continues on, knowing she had our confidence and we're a keen audience. "Her thing for Dimitri is coming across really desperate. Really off putting."

"Is it?" Spiridon says, eyes glittering.

I should warn Natalie to not say any more in front of him. God knows how he'll spin this but I suppose there isn't any way he can or would attack her. If I'd said it he'd probably get in my face again and I'd have to hit him with a frying pan.

Natalie nods. "You can't play hard to get if you're playing hard to want."

I can't help it, I laugh. This is not a nice conversation or a nice way to talk about anyone, especially when they're in the next room but my jealousy outweighs my guilt. She gets to be out there laughing and wearing low cut things without a care in the world, not ready to fold in on herself when the attention gets a little bit too much.

I wonder if Dimitri has noticed that top.

Spiridon grins wider. "I think she knows what she's doing. How do you know she doesn't have everything he could want? Belikov's just infuriating noble. Moroi/ Dhampir stigma thing and all."

I press my lips together, hard.

Natalie looks thoughtful. "No, I don't think it's anything to do with being noble. He's very decisive, that's why daddy likes him, very forthright when asked something. If he wanted her he'd be with her."

Spiridon considers this then shrugs. "Then he's an idiot."

"You're an idiot." Natalie says sweetly.

"Well, this idiot is the reason you're getting an A in advanced calc or we're both toast." He says, and slaps the counter lightly. "They're cabs are on the way so set the dining table up with your stuff. Leave your phone upstairs."

Natalie scowls and he saunters out. More laughter from the living room.

"I'll make you brownies to take back to school." I offer. Baking will give me something to do.

She wraps her arms around my shoulders. "Thank you."

I take my soda up to my room to wait out them leaving, refusing to look at anyone gathered on the couch as Natalie and I climb the stairs. She leaves me on the landing to go get her books.

It's an hour before I come back down. Spiridon and Natalie are at the dining table, Natalie looking very stressed over a book and Spiridon talking to her calmly, beer still in hand. I bring her a fresh soda and him a beer. Then I get to work on the brownies, all the time trying and failing to not think about Dimitri and what he was doing.

I knew that he wouldn't kiss her or do anything with her like we had… or hadn't. I knew it. He told me I had nothing to worry about and I believed him. But it didn't stop me from worrying about her being persuasive or suggestive with her body and everything else she could offer, as Spiridon said.

What could she offer, what specifically besides sex and power? Or were those things so obviously enough, like Spiridon thought.

I beat the batter in the bowl like it's wronged me.

It's also more than that she's out there thinking suggestively about him, that she can be out there with him around people. She fits there. When would we ever be able to go out with Ben and others? Would we ever be able to hold hands and kiss in front of the people in our lives or would we always have to be in a different town?

I slam the spatula town and mentally kick myself. I'm already pulling apart a great memory because of her. Already thinking of it as something to destroy before someone else can.

I make myself breathe and replay everything factually, reasonably. Dimitri chose to kiss me, he chose to tell me when his life would be easier if he didn't and let me think it wasn't real, he chose to acknowledge there would be complications but kissed me again, he brought me somewhere because he knew how much I would love it – he chose to spend time with me on his day off. He didn't choose to go out tonight.

Now I feel sheepish and slightly stupid. Overthinking.

I pour the batter out into a tray and let the jealousy ebb away. I hope he has a good time and I mean it. I hope he gets to loosen up and laugh with those people who wanted to go out and celebrate with him. I hope Ben has the best time of all, let him forget how hard things are for a few hours and if they get stinkin drunk then I really hope they tell us some fun stories tomorrow.

Do responsible Guardians allow themselves to get stinkin drunk? Somehow I can't imagine Ben and Dimitri singing break up songs to each other like Mason and Jesse. I put on a playlist, put my earbuds in and entertain myself by imagining them in different scenarios. I fold laundry, bring Victor a coffee to his office (he makes a joke about his house becoming a soriety), lift the brownies out to cool and do some more stretches in my room.

They still hadn't come back by the time Spiridon and Natalie called it a night, making a deal to get up early to study before taking her back to school. They hadn't come back as I stay up to clean up the kitchen or read in my room. I admit defeat and go to bed but I don't sleep. I just lie there and the overthinking starts over again.

7 am comes and goes.

I sit up at the faint beep of the front door.

Is someone singing?

I creep out of bed and to my bedroom door to listen. Ben is singing and badly. It gets closer as he comes up the stairs, loud footfalls as if he's stumbling, and I hold my breath as he passes my room on his way to his own.

I wait but there's no other sound, no other footsteps. I grab the door handle but bite my lip, what was I going to do? I sigh and stalk to the bathroom, splashing my neck and face with cold water.

"Just go to sleep." I tell myself.

I fling open the door determined to do just that or knock myself out when I come up short.

Dimitri is sitting on my bed, facing the bathroom door, waiting for me. His hair is slightly tousled like he's been running his hands through it. His black shirt has a few buttons undone at the top and his sleeves are turned up, leaving those strong forearms exposed.

"I was hoping you were still awake." His voice is honeyed with alcohol, eyes hooded. He stands and takes slow, measured steps toward me. My back presses into the door jamb. "Selfishly."

"Selfishly?" I make myself ask.

He stops, a hairsbreadth between us and I'm forced to tilt my head back to look up at him. I am very aware of the fact I'm wearing only his shirt and my underwear. We are very far away from who we wear yesterday morning, the sweet and almost careful atmosphere around us. This is thrilling and frightening.

He smells like the cold night air.

His fingers skim my cheek, then down over my jaw until his hand latches on the back of my neck and pulls me against him.

"Selfishly." He confirms and then claims my mouth.

It takes a second for me to react but then I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him closer to me. He uses the hand on the back of my neck to tilt my head and his tongue sweeps against my lips, light and teasing. My patience, if I have any, caves and I deepen the kiss craving the taste of him. He doesn't taste of beer but something richer, something I think is intoxicating me as his other arm tightens around me. My hands dive into his hair, gripping the cold strands as the rest of me begins to burn up from the heat of him. His lips leave mine to kiss my jaw, trailing a path to my neck and all I can do is cling to him but when he reaches a spot behind my ear I moan, unable to hold it back.

Suddenly he dips and his hands grab my bare thighs, lifting me onto the set of drawers. I focus on breathing, as giving me some height means he no longer has to bend down to kiss where he seeks. His hands stay on the outside of my parted thighs as his lips and the tip of his tongue rain havoc.

That ache is back, accentuated by sitting on this hard surface and I want to pull him closer. I don't know what I need but my body does, my body that is burning from the inside out.

"Do you always wear my shirt to bed?" He asks, his breath on the shell of my ear making me shudder.

"Most of the time."

That shirt is dangerously high up my thighs and I should pull it down.

He hums and I use my grip on his hair to turn his mouth back to mine. I hadn't meant it to be forceful but the noise he makes in his throat tells me doesn't mind. His fingers tighten on my legs and I feel the strain to be closer, to scoot myself to the edge and press up against him. My fingers slide from his hair to explore the exposed skin of his neck and chest. He's so warm, how is he always so warm?

I dig my heels into the drawers to push myself forward, just wanting to be closer and not expecting that my legs would have to widen to fit around his waist, the air hitting the inside of my upper thighs or that the aching part of me would press against his jeans and make me gasp into his mouth.

He stills and my nails dig into his shirt. There's an unworldly sensation wracking my body, demanding attention, demanding to appease this ache.

"Roza." His voice is rough and I shudder again.

I know the boundary is blazing, threatening to crumble into hot cinders and that he's going to pull away from me.

My breathing comes like I've just finished a lap. My fingers are so tightly wound in his shirt I'm surprised more buttons haven't broken loose. "Please. Just a few more minutes."

Minutes aren't what I wanted. I wanted something else, craved something else but I didn't know what but I knew he could give it to me.

His nose bumps against mine and I lean up to take his bottom lip between my teeth. His fingers bite into my flesh and he kisses me fervently, becoming lost to any sense again. Those fingers travel up my thighs, my bare skin tingling in his wake, as he reaches my hips he pulls me forward and presses harder against me.

I feel him. I feel all of him and it sends sparks spitting from my nerves and cascading over my skin. My calves brush up the back of his thighs, my heels digging in and I moan when he presses against me again, the thin material of my underwear is not a strong barrier against his jeans.

In the back of mind, I think there should be panic and fear.

Neither comes.

He breaks our kiss, breathing harshly. "We need to stop now."

I nod, despite still leaning toward him, clinging to him, wanting to remove the buttons of his shirt.

"Do we have to?" I murmur, surprising myself.

I didn't even know what I meant, only that I didn't want him to leave.

"Yes." He says, stepping away and gently untangling himself from my legs. "Before I take back my clothes."

He means his shirt which would leave me in just...my face flames. I rest my head against the crook of his shoulder as his hands rest against the small of my back. I can feel his heart hammering.

"Don't leave. Sleep in here, please." He doesn't respond so I lean back to look at him. "I'll behave. I promise."

"It's not you I'm worried about."

I brush his hair back so I can hold his face, his eyes are burning coals, his breathing still hard. "Guardian control, Belikov. We know you have it."

He turns his head to kiss my palm. "Not with you."

I don't believe him. If anyone had a lack of control here it's me. He tightens his hold around me and lifts me off the drawers, setting me reluctantly on my feet. I grip his hand and pull him toward the bed, he doesn't resist however he lets me climb under the covers and then sits down on top of them. I'm about to protest or plead until he starts removing his boots and lies back on the pillows. I wriggle close to his side and he tucks me there, digging out his phone and setting an alarm.

"The door." I mumble.

"I locked it when I came in."

"Did you have a good night?"

His fingers trace circles on my shoulder, "I did. My day started great and ended even better."

I grin. "So did mine."

I feel him turn his face into my hair. "I'll book more time off so we can do it again or whatever you like."

"Adventures." I murmur.

"Adventures." He promises.

---

Update: 18/04/2022

This was supposed to be two chapters but here we are.

Happy 7th Anniversary my lovelies. I read every single one of your reviews, they mean so much to me and do you know I haven't had one negative thing said (knock wood) since Adrians first entrance and people thought I was going down the love triangle route.

It means, beyond words, so much to me that you all take the time to leave reviews but more importantly that you stick with this story. Some of you have been here FOR SEVEN YEARS!? You've stuck around and believed in it when I didn't even know where it was going, when there hadn't been an update in over a year, and those first few chapters are brutal lets be honest. Serious tune up needed.

The loyalty is unmatched. Your kind words cannot compare to anything else. You guys bring me so much happiness and make me excited so excited to continue.

The next few chapters are planned out – I have plotted the end course of the story so it's only right I tell you that I think we won't be beyond 60 chapters. I say this but look how carried away I get with the word count.

Stay safe. Love to you all.

Spasibo x