Temper me in fire

by voldobaby

AU: The world of Moroi and Dhampirs is very different, political turmoil has opened up a vacuum in which illegal and immoral actions can transpire, such as slavery of Dhampirs. Rosemarie Hathaway is born into slavery in Arizona. Her life revolves around tending to her chores and making herself inconspicuous. But that all changes when Mr.Dashkov and his Guardians arrive

65. Chapter 64

RPOV

I hadn't meant to fall asleep on the couch with him. Mainly because he encouraged me not to although his arm was snaked around my waist when he'd mumbled it into my hair. Spiridon and Ben knew he was here, sleeping here, so if they needed him for something, or if Victor did, they knew exactly where to find him. My eyes move to the safety latch on the door, the only thing preventing it from being flung open and seeing us, fully clothed, cuddled up together.

I imagine it happening. The beep of the security code is accepted, overriding needing the key card I carry, the door being thrown open and the truth there for who was on the threshold. The beep of the security code being accepted, overriding needing the key card I carry, the door being thrown open and the truth there to whoever was on the threshold. I imagine being so shocked I can't scramble for a lie, and neither can Dimitri. I imagine Dimitri coming up with a plausible excuse whilst looking ashamed of himself and maybe they buy it. I imagine instead, we don't react in any frantic way except for being startled, and he takes my hand, staring down whoever it is.

His slow heavy breath fans my ear and the faint smell of citrus tickles my nose.

It had taken a while for him to open up and for the distant look on his face to clear. I'd gone to another party with the girls to mostly take my mind off the fact he was at dinner with her. The longer I'd stayed the more agitated I'd gotten, and it didn't help that I knew he didn't want to be there. I'd stormed up to my room playing out the conversation in my head, imagining the worst-case scenario to explain why he was waiting in my room. I riled myself up. Then I saw his face.

He looked so…alone.

I'd seen the stoic mask, seen him angry, upset, devastated but that look…it caused a different impact. My temper, that fire, had receded enough to allow me to calmly go to him, to be what he had been for me so many times, a sturdy presence to lean on.

The muscle in his neck and shoulders had been solid but I kept trying to relax them long after my knuckles started to protest.

Eventually, he told me everything, his quiet voice devoid of emotion. And that's when I realised something about our pact to lie better. I hadn't been. I hadn't been holding up my end – the mention of her and I'd hardened over, thinking of them at dinner created a bitter, hot roiling in the pit of my stomach so I'd find myself having to force my jaw to relax. I knew he'd carry that, how it made me feel but I thought my anger took precedence.

It can't if we're going to make it through the long months ahead.

So I'm not going to tell him about her and Eddie. I hate keeping it from him but…it's not worth the chaos it could create. It's a dark secret I can hold onto until we're away from here.

I didn't think it was unrealistic to fear what he might do, how he might react. It needed to be the right time where it wasn't just about Dimitri finally seeing for who she truly was – her brother's shadow. I needed everyone to know it. She needed to be held accountable in a bigger way because not only would that be right but that would hurt her the most.

Everyone in our world not looking to her as the innovative and progressive beacon to be followed. There would be shame and if she really were the good Ozera she would have come forward herself. But she hasn't, because right now she's able to climb on the back of her family's crimes to reach higher.

I'd heard or read a saying somewhere, about the higher the person the further the fall.

I can wait for that.

I can be patient.

The one thing I regret about it is not being able to tell Lissa. I had so many secrets woven together that pulling the thread of one would unravel them all. But I had meant what I'd said to Dimitri, I would lie to everyone to keep this.

I remember being in my room at Victor's with him before Estonia, before I'd admit to myself why I was always gravitating toward him, and he still had a fortress built around him, opening the doors slightly to tell me things. I remember I had thought if it was possible for anyone to truly be themselves around someone, to see it all and not flinch. My mother hated the side of me that had been born ready to push back and fight, not submit and follow. Lissa and Natalie only knew a few sides of me, some of the best parts that they drew out to thrive.

But Dimitri had seen everything, and he didn't flinch.

I'd followed him down into those tunnels knowing I was going down into the darker parts of myself, that I was about to face something that those things had been born from. But I still hadn't been prepared.

The moment I saw Stan Alto's face, so much happened to me within seconds. Everything inside me stalled, started that process where the lights were ready to go out and the numb place was waiting. One of the shadows that had lurked over my shoulder had finally been removed and tied down in front of me. No longer breathing down my neck. It hadn't mattered that I hadn't seen him in months, that there had been the expectation I never would see him again. He'd always been a dark stain on my soul that would never leave.

I stepped close to Dimitri, to Spiridon, out of instinct and when they spoke it all washed around me.

Until Dimitri said he's taken away his choices and the reality of everything sharpened.

For the first time, in my entire life, I was able to confront someone who had terrorised me, my mother, my only friend, Mary, Meredith, Serena and countless others. The man who watched as Eddie's life was beaten out of him, made us bury him, raped countless women and who had been watching me so closely that my mom was going to cut my face to make him stop.

And then I listened to him and heard him laugh about it and countless other things he'd done.

The night before seeing him I'd been at a party where Natalie had been so drunk both Ralf and I carried her to my room. I'd also helped a girl who was sick and found her friend and it made me think that some girls might not have found their friends and would hope a Guardian would safely get them back to their room or their friends. I imagined it was him and everything became deathly calm inside my head.

And I didn't hit him where I had on the dummy, not the lethal point I'd picked, I hit what he wielded as a weapon.

I pressed myself back against the wall and watched as one of the shadows that had always been breathing down my neck, finally, was no longer a threat to me or anyone else.

And it was like someone telling me I could breathe again after holding it in. Relief and disbelief had my nails biting into the rock as Stan's chin dipped to his chest.

It was a quiet death, not like I'd imagined or what he deserved but it was better that way.

Dimitri looked at me then and I didn't know what he saw.

The whole walk back to my room I tried to grapple with the knowledge that Guardian Alto had died, that he wouldn't be laughing at anyone beneath him again, that he wasn't a monster parading as a protector and I also grappled with the feeling of knowing I was okay with it.

I was not okay in the sense I would be able to go and join the girls in Lissa's room and sink into the normalcy of it. I was okay in the sense that…I knew I could live with what had just happened, it was something I had thought about in the back of my mind for as long as I could remember. Something I felt channel my blood and being when training with Spiridon, something that was giving me drive and purpose – vengeance.

I wasn't proud of it. I wasn't happy about it. It was just something that was – something in me.

His death was like hearing that old bell ring at the Ozera's and after it had stopped you still thought you heard it. It left an echo and a different effect ringing hollowly through your body.

Even now, lying here with Dimitri wrapped around me, I could still hear the distant peel of the bell.

The other thing I thought of as we walked back to the room was that I didn't know what he was he was thinking or feeling. I didn't know if he expected me to react in a certain way, if he expected something from me in those tunnels that hadn't happened or was he reeling from what I had done, when I had proven to them and myself that I would not hide behind others anymore. I was not the girl who hid behind him in the Ozera house, counting the lines on his jumper and the only thing keeping me standing was the belief in what he'd told me.

I wondered if there was an integral part of him, the one rooted in being a brother and a son that stood in front of an abuser, that…made him feel the most valued, most loved. I worried that part of him was attached to me in that way.

But that isn't who I want to be. It isn't who I'm becoming.

It's the reason I wouldn't have survives the Ozeras.

My nerves had been stretched thread-thin when we got into the room and what had just happened with Stan was the silence. This loud oppressive silence and I'd poured us both whiskey, which is still gross, because I needed something strong to kick start something inside myself. I needed…courage.

And then I learned that someone could see all of you, the worst parts or what you imagined were your worst parts and love you anyway.

It chased out the weird empty echo vibrating through me. Instead, what happened can only be described as when I first attempted to light the fire in Victor's living room, the gas was up too high and the spark cause this whooshing blaze, the flash of heat on my face causing me to fall backwards. That rushing blaze happened inside me. The gas had been all the desperation, conflict, guilt, sadness, and longing that I'd felt over the past week and the spark was how he looked at me.

There is no way to describe how he looks at me.

Later when he'd found me I knew he thought the weight of what we'd done had begun to break me. It wasn't but I was adjusting to it, another thing to carry, and all-day that's what I'd been doing. I'd been adjusting when I trained with Zoey, had lunch with Lissa and Rhea, gotten ready for another party in Natalie's room as she went on and on about some luncheon thing she and Lissa were invited to by the Princesses or something, and I was still adjusting. Indulging in that bitter feeling of him and her at dinner was a good distraction.

Until I saw his face.

Not once had I asked if he was alright.

He told me death took something from you and…he'd seen so much of it. Felt so much of it. He'd lost friends too and not once did I think to ask him how he was.

I sink my fingers in between his, the hand resting on my stomach. He doesn't stir.

Since I've known him, he had trouble sleeping. He would over-exercise. He didn't eat enough. He wouldn't have eaten after that dinner unless I'd insisted we order to the room. He slept better when we were together, when my fingers were trailing over his forearms or through his hair. Ben had commented more than once about Dimitri's erratic sleeping pattern. And I could understand now why throwing yourself into training was more about physical capability and progression – it was so good for your mind. It settled it, it released stress, and any mental baggage you had would fall away as your entire focus centred around your breathing, connecting to every muscle.

Training with Zoey I hadn't once thought about anything.

I think Dimitri hasn't had anyone to talk to, properly, in a long time and all those things loud in his head he tried to outrun. Tried to make them go quiet. And it made more sense when I thought about how inactive he and the boys would be in that house for weeks. Where the focus would be on talking and using their strategic strengths. Never expelling or exercising their warrior sides…the side that they'd been trained for years to rely on. That doing all these sneaky things and debating and outmanoeuvring other royals would be better for the big picture.

Thinking of all this and Dimitri explaining why he went off on Spiridon…it makes sense that he had.

If we were going to make it to the end of his contract, we needed to not only lie better but be better at being honest with each other. We're both too prone to thinking our stuff on anyone else is a burden and I can't expect him to make an effort to unload and not do the same with mine.

It's not a natural thing, for either of us, but we have to try.

I didn't expect to suddenly be okay with the Natasha stuff. It's more complicated than her simply being interested in him and him stringing that along. It's all tied up with Victor and his big grand plans that Dimitri now thinks he knows little about. Natasha's 'work together' initiative was stronger with a highly respected and qualified Guardian seemingly leading it too. A Guardian that was Victors.

But what I couldn't understand was why there needed to be a romantic element to it all.

"To romanticize it." Dimitri had said quietly, his voice still devoid of anything. "St. Vladimir had Anna. And people are more prone to being positive about something if they can relate to it in one sense or another. Moroi learning to defend themselves is so bold it's repelling, the Moroi instantly reel, and Guardians also negatively react, their pride attacked. So, what better way to soften it? A relationship. At Thanksgiving, it was what Balin seemed interested in Natasha and I's relationship, if it was a core factor. It shouldn't matter but I think…I think for the installation of it, it's what people are more likely to focus on. Not that it will be a positive focus, but a mixed relationship would be more criticized than the actual cause. Victor's smart and he knows how to play this game."

I was still confused. "So, most people don't like the Moroi learning to fight so this is a way to get them to dislike something different about it, to get them to understand it?"

"Partly. It's romanticising 'they come first'. I'll defend her for something deeper than duty and honour. And she will, in turn, defend herself should I fail."

"But Zmey has people fighting and defending themselves without all this bullshit."

"Zmeys people aren't at the top."

"No, but they are the ones fighting, right? They're the ones helping communities and in Estonia, they were the ones that went to the nest. They…they got to Ivan's family. Nobody at the top understands how it is."

"Yes." He confirmed, looking ahead at nothing. "The nest we could argue they only went to retrieve Mikhail but I don't believe that was the only motivation. I also think that…there must have been a member of The Circle at the celebration that night, that they got word out or tried to call for help. Unless The Circle were tracking Strigoi movement or tapped the Guard SOS line. I don't know. They are not as small as we originally thought."

"When do you think everyone will know about them?"

"Soon."

I drift off, a dream expanding in my head where Zmey stands with all the Dhampirs and Victor is standing with all the Moroi.

---

That noise, the one that can aspire me to rage within two seconds, yanks me out of sleep. This is the first time in a week I didn't have an alarm and it sucked.

I groan and someone chuckles against my neck. I think I tell them to shut up as I blindly grope for the table and then have to crawl half off the couch to reach the stupid thing making noise. Then I fling myself back into the comfortable warm spot.

"You're almost as bad as Ben."

"No, I'm not." I mumble into the cushion. "He told me you tipped his bed once."

"Not the bed. The mattress."

"Mean."

I shuffle around to face him, my leg needing to slip over his, so we fit comfortably. He's smiling, eyes closed as his hand lazily moves over my lower back.

"Did you sleep okay?" He nods, eyes still closed. "Good. Because you have a class in just over an hour and with some very eager novices."

That was putting it lightly. Mason was telling anyone that would listen how he managed to convince Guardian Belikov to teach a class. Thee Guardian Belikov who had spent three years in the Red zones, still held the record at St. Basil's and was Prince Dashkov's second. Lissa and I exchanged looks that got even more hysterical as it went on and he enjoyed the spotlight…until a party of people left to go sign up, calling to others if they wanted them to put their name down too.

I signed up after working out with Zoey and for the class in a few days.

He rubs his eyes. "I need to come up with a plan."

I sit up. "You can think over breakfast because you will be eating breakfast."

"Is that your new name?"

I open my mouth and then stall. What?

He peeks out at me from under his hand and that small grin carves into his mouth.

I slap his arm. "Stop that."

"No."

I try to untangle myself from his hold but he's making it difficult. I manage to get to my feet but he comes with me, arms loosely locked around my knees. I try to keep the grin off my face because it'll only encourage him.

"Stop it, we don't have time." I chastise.

"Is that a challenge?"

"No."

He turns to look up and me, his expression miles away from how it had been last night and warming my heart.

I brush his hair off his face. "It's getting so long."

"I need a haircut."

"No."

His lips twitch again. "No?"

"No." I say firmly. "Unless you hate it but I think it suits you. Also if you cut it you and Ben will look like you've made a secret pact."

Startingly fast he sits up, face pressing into my stomach and moving up to a much more comfortable area. I try to pretend I neither notice nor care because we do need to get ready…but on the other hand his mood is so much lighter than last night and it's nice to just be like this. We rarely just get to be.

"Sonya cuts Ben's hair." He murmurs. "That's why he hasn't touched it."

"Oh. Now I feel bad."

He gives me a soft squeeze. "You didn't know. I haven't asked after her in a while."

"He told me that she's doing better. He missed her on Christmas night, she loves Christmas."

"Last year he took time off over the holiday. It was simpler then; Victor and Natalie were at the Dragomir's and came here closer to New Year."

"For the ball?"

"Yes."

"Our dresses are coming tomorrow." He tilts his head back so his eyes can meet mine, his cheeks are cradled in my chest, and it makes my face heat. I make myself keep talking. "I only know that red and green are forbidden colours. Natalie said everyone will try to be wearing a festive colour so we won't be."

"I like you in red." He says, pointedly looking at the jumper at the end of his nose.

"Sorry to disappoint. I don't think Natalie considered what you liked when she was making decisions." I feel, rather than hear him, chuckle against my ribs. "But my swimsuit is red."

"That I would like to see."

"I don't think anyone will." He sits back and looks at me questioningly but now isn't the time. "We have fifty-eight minutes."

"Then stop distracting me." He grins and then stands so suddenly I rock back.

He kisses my forehead as the retort comes barrelling up my throat. "When you're in full Guardian mode later I'm going to remember these moments."

He steps away to snatch up his bag, repeating 'full Guardian mode' under his breath in amusement.

And then I race ahead to the bathroom before he can.

---

I stroll into Victor's suite where the smell of freshly pressed coffee and warm pastries hit me. It's weirdly deserted, with only Spiridon sitting at the coffee table with a thick binder opened in front of him.

Natalie being absent isn't surprising. She'd knocked back six shots during one game last night and I'm sure there were plenty more after I left.

I'd been thinking about slipping away before Dimitri's message. I just couldn't…be immersed in the atmosphere as I have been over the past week. It could be the reality of everything, it could be that I wasn't drinking, or it could be because most of the conversations I'd already heard before.

I understood what made Lissa leave the party during the summer. We stood with Mason and Stefan, Jesse occasionally dipping in and out, but as things got louder and riotous with Natalie and Camille at the heart of it all, the more set apart I felt. Then all Mason wanted to talk about or steer the conversation back to was Dimitri and even Lissa rolled her eyes at me.

I plate some eggs, and bacon, an éclair and a banana. I grab some juice and slide into a seat opposite Spiridon who doesn't look up.

I haven't spoken to him since the tunnels.

"Where's Victor?" My nose scrunches. "It smells like... smoke in here."

"Asleep." He responds after a minute, swapping one paper for another. "And that's because there was heavy smoking in the dining room."

I look over at the sealed double doors. "I can't imagine Victor drunk."

God, now I've noticed the burnt woodsy smell I can't ignore it. Spiridon shows no sign of hearing me, but I can see his eyes following the lines on the page so it's not entirely personal.

A few more moments pass and I work up my courage.

"Thank you." I say quietly and his gaze pauses. "I know it wasn't for me, why you were there, but thank you."

His jaw works and those sleet coloured eyes lift to my face.

The thing about Spiridon is you don't know if anything on the surface is genuine if his irritation is real or simply a mask. I don't know if he's about to sneer at me or say something real.

But then his expression smoothes over, looking back down at the papers and unexpectedly loud he calls, "Look who managed sobriety for one night, White. Our young Dashkov charge is MIA though."

That's when I realise Ben has emerged from the single door at the end of the room, the one just off Victor's bedroom. He's rubbing the sleep off his face and pulling his jumper down with the other hand.

I glance at Spiridon and whatever he'd been about to say is lost to me now.

"Morning, kiddo." Ben says, squeezing my shoulder as he heads for the coffee station. "What was that wall of information you just fired at me? Natalie's missing?"

"Natalie's fine. She's just…"

"Wishing she was dead." Spiridon supplies. "She's in her room. I already checked."

Ben slides into the seat beside me. "You behaved yourself?"

"I always do."

He bumps my shoulder. We chat for a little bit as I finish my breakfast and Spiridon flips through more papers, ignoring us. The suite door opens and Dimitri strides in and Ben, who's got up to get a refill, claps him on the back.

"Do you want an apple?" I hear Ben say from behind me as I watch Spiridon over my glass. "Yano, because you're a teacher now etcetera."

Dimitri doesn't respond but Ben laughs quietly so I can imagine he got thrown a look.

Ben retakes his seat and Dimitri sits at the end, with Spiridon on his right side. If either of them is feeling awkward they aren't showing it, then again Dimitri's already got his stoic face on and Spiridon is the king of feigning ignorance to anything needing social/emotional sensitivity.

Ben and I share a look.

"So, what have you planned for today?" Ben asks sounding so overly casual I cringe.

"Hard to say until I gauge who turns up." Dimitri says, taking a sip of coffee. "But I took the slot before Zoeys' weapon run through with you, I thought maybe I could use that to get them warmed up so you'll be able to dive right in.

"Thanks. I appreciate that, man."

Silent again.

Ben takes a deep breath, eyes meeting mine again and I shake my head before he forces another topic.

"I'll be back to escort Natalie to her event. Is there anything else on the itinerary?" Dimitri asks the table.

"I have back to back meetings for the next five hours with five different board of directors," Spiridon says stifflly, tossing down another paper. "Victor has another meeting about Ben's nifty gifties with Ariana Szelsky and Nathan Ivashkov about funding and production. So, I guess your both free tonight."

"Sold." Ben says immediately. "I am having a beer or nine."

I thought directors made movies but I can't be bothered asking to only be made fun of.

"Enjoy." Spiridon says flatly. He stands, taking the binder and disappearing into the room that smells like an ashtray.

Ben turns on Dimitri. "So, what set you off? Were you at a weak moment and he was being himself?"

"Ben."

"What? Aren't you wanting to know why you got a new roommate?"

"I was having a weak moment and I took it out on him. He didn't deserve it." Dimitri explains quietly over the lip of his mug and once again I suppress my arguement.

Ben snorts. "That's a first. What was it about? Was dinner –"

"We're going to be late." I announce, pushing back in my seat.

"Are you scheduled for another party later?" Ben says, craning back on his chair instead of turning.

"Uh, no. I think I'm done for a little bit."

"Wanna hang out after your class with the God? Grab some food, debate who would win between a honey badger and an alligator again?"

I grin. "Yeah, I'd like that and obviously a honey badger."

"What is a honey badger?" Dimitri asks, looking between us both as he zips up his black jacket.

Ben tsks. "I have my opposing argument ready. We'll open the debate to you Belikov, and then you can decide."

---

The gym is quiet when we get there and I begin to wonder if I'd exaggerated Mason's boasting power or if they all got too drunk after I left and now can't pull themselves together. I nervously glance at Dimitri, feeling like I should say this or apologise.

Until we near the door and I hear the low chatter.

I grin up at him and he looks down his shoulder.

"Russian God."

"Don't."

I throw him a smile as I reach for the door, "See you in there."

The room is full and it's not a small room by any means, it's bigger than the Estonian classrooms.

"Rose!" Mason's standing front and centre with Stefan and Mark.

Front and centre meant being confident in your abilities because you're a senior novice who has been training since you were four. I give a small wave and because I don't know anyone else, I make my way over, navigating people sprawled out on the floor.

"Cutting it fine." Stefan winks. "We thought you'd ducked out considering."

Mason tells him to shut up but I set my shoulders. "Considering?"

"You still have your training wheels on." He grins.

Stefan is one of these boys that think insulting girls, whilst he smiles, qualifies as flirting. And I hate that I've witnessed it work before.

"All my training has been taught by three of the best in the world, all focusing on me and not multiple people," I say, trying to sound calm and sweet. "Also Dimitri doesn't scare me so I have you beat there."

Marks snorts. "Dimitri. Not Guardian Belikov to you, then?"

Maybe that was a mistake but I shrug. "Not to me, no."

"I'm not afraid of him. I respect him. There's a difference." Stefan says.

"He's knocked me on my ass and nearly broke my arm. I am both scared of him and respect him." Mason says airily and I feel a surge of warmth for him.

Thanksgiving had been horrible for him and I know what it must have taken for him to ask Dimitri to do this. The difference between Mason and his two friends is that his ego isn't massively involved. He cares about learning to be the best he can be for the right reasons.

"And you made sure you had an audience for the second time." Stefan laughs, gesturing to the room around us.

Mason shrugs but his ears go a little red.

"Isn't Mason top of the year, so better than you two? Right, so if Dimitri can knock him on his ass, then aren't you worried about what's going to happen to you?"

Mark opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. Stefan's grin drops off and I'd probably be told where I fall on the capability scale if the door didn't open behind me, causing the room to go quiet.

I always forget how he seems to other people, how I saw him when I first met him.

Dimitri strides in, power and presence contained in his towering form. His body is a clean-cut weapon, a sharpened blade glinting with the temptation of wanting to see what it can do.

Something flutters in my stomach as he scans the room, coming to a stop before our little party. I should not be at the front. For more than one reason.

He lets the silence go on for a few more seconds and I don't know if that's deliberately to make everyone uncomfortable or if he's weighing something up.

Beside me, Mason stands a little taller and I suppress the giggle bubbling up my throat.

"This room is equipped for twenty. There were twenty slots on the sheet. There are thirty-eight of you meaning eighteen are not supposed to be here. I'll allow you to leave before I'm forced to take names. Not only will show who is dishonest but who is happy to waste my time and your fellow peers."

It causes a ripple effect, with everyone looking at each other. I doubt my memory for a split second, but I had written my name under Masons, Zoey was right beside me when I had.

Maybe if some Moroi would stop questioning my ability to recall things I wouldn't have these moments of feeling slightly insane.

The seconds drag on and Dimitri's hard gaze sweeps the room again.

The first person breaks. They make their way toward the door and a stream of others follow. I count nineteen leaving which means there's an empty space. I glance at Dimitri and know he's counted the same. The room feels more breathable now and if we are going to be flipped around at least we won't land on each other. It also means it's going to be even more obvious how…lacking I am. The bigger the crowd the easier it is to hide.

The last person makes it out the door and before it closes a lithe figure slides through the gap.

"Is…is the class still on?" Lissa asks.

"It's full." Mark answers. "And it's not like your magic defence, it's for novices."

It's not what he said but how he said it, making it clear that she isn't welcome.

Lissa lifts her chin looking from him and then at Dimitri. "I put my name down."

She hadn't told me that. She hadn't left last night when the others had.

"But you won't –" Another boy behind me begins, a laugh in his voice but Dimitri cuts him off.

"Come in Vasilisa. We are already behind."

I cross the floor to meet her as a ripple goes through the room in the wake of Dimitri's words. Lissa smiles shakily and I take her arm, leading her to an open space further back.

"But this isn't a mixed class. I thought this was about giving us advice and tips before we graduate." The same boy carries on from before. Dimitri stares at him and instead of shutting up, he carries on. "She's taken a slot from someone who would have benefitted from it."

Lissa leans toward me. "That's the guy Christian set on fire."

"I won't blame you if you do it this time." She tries to smile but it's obvious she's nervous and for the first time, I feel like the one to be leant on instead of doing the leaning. "They're all on edge because Dimitri scares them and you being here is throwing them off more. Own that, Liss."

"Why did you think that?" Dimitri is saying, his voice blanketing our conversation. "What you thought was never stipulated. This class is open to all who want to learn and who feel I may have something to teach them. I am not a faculty member of the academy and should not be associated as such. We have less than two hours, so let's begin."

On the walk here Dimitri must have just thrown together every brutal thing he could think of. The warm-up is hard but after weeks of learning these moves I expected hard, my body was conditioned to it. Lissa struggles but she doesn't give up, she finishes her sets behind the rest of us, movements slow but determined, face red and breathing harshly. I glare at everyone around us, daring them to comment, but no one does. Although, that's probably due to Dimitri revolving around the room and no one wanting to attract negative attention to themselves. I do try to slow down so those seconds between Lissa and I are shorter but I get sucked into what we're doing and forget, my mind going to that clear space where only counting my reps is conscious thought.

Lissa drops to the floor last, panting and sweating more than the rest of us and Dimitri gives us two minutes to recover.

"My lungs are on fire." She wheezes, holding her side.

I remember how that feels.

"Hang in there." I whisper back, conscious of surrounding bodies. "You're doing great."

I help her up and quickly explain the importance of breathing, how to regulate it and concentrate on it alone.

Dimitri calls for all of us to pair up with someone we aren't familiar with. Lissa and I cast each other a wary look as we're forced apart, our mentor having pointedly looked at us. Russian jerk.

Reluctantly Lissa joins the only other girl here, who I hope is nicer to her than the boys have been, and I get paired with the flammable boy, Logan.

He looks about as happy as I feel.

Behind him, Mason gives me an encouraging smile.

"One thing that's become evident to me when observing your training at school is that the mentality that means of survival comes from scores on performance. From whom is fastest, most agile, most skilled with each tool they wield - this will only get you so far in the field. For most of you, you will spend time in the higher risk areas and what will increase your chance of survival, of being a successful leader or an integral part of a unit, is being able to rely on each other. That means knowing your team or counterparts' weaknesses, it means covering them, as they should cover you."

"Is he seriously shitting on Alberta's methods right now?" Stefan whispers.

"One thing this will force you to acknowledge is your weaknesses and your partner should help you try and improve them. Then provide the opportunity to demonstrate your strengths, with the same focus of trying to teach your partner something new."

Logan sighs and I glare at him.

Mason raises his hand and Dimitri's eyes pause on him before giving a curt nod.

"What would you say your weakness is?"

I feel the weight of everyone's eyes on him as if they're on me. A voice in my head tells me to look away as if I expect him to look at me because I'd asked him something similar before. What feels like years ago, not months.

What makes you vulnerable?

But I still didn't know the answer.

I never thought Mason would be the person to bring it up again though, even if the context is different.

Dimitri looks like he's about to answer when the door opens, and I feel a smile stretch across my face.

"Oh good, they're still standing." Zoey greets, coiling her onyx hair into a knot.

Dimitri extends a hand out to her. "For those of you that don't know, this is Guardian Blake. She is highly respected in the security sector, she is an extended voice of the Guard and was crucial in implementing the new systems across all schools, including Lahemaa. She will be assisting in the next part of our class."

"Not that I'm denying my brilliance, because I won't, but Guardian Belikov was the one who instituted a new training programme that has been received incredibly well at Lahemaa and trickled into other schools. So count yourselves all fortunate to be standing where you are."

Dimitri remains clear-faced, a big contrast to Zoey accepting and responding to her accomplishments. He quickly explains the instructions he's set us in our pairs to her and she gets this look on her face that I can feel. Like she sees a challenge she's excited to meet.

"My weakness lies in my upper body, I shattered my right elbow a few years ago and it began to heal before I could reach medical help. It needed broken again and reset. My strength lies in my legs." She explains, extending out her arm.

Dimitri nods and then offers, "I sustained an injury to my lower back and my mobility is still impaired." Then to the rest of us. "Take fifteen minutes to run through this with your partner. Zoey and I will come and observe what you've learned."

The low hum of chatter fills the room as Logan and I regard each other.

Well, I do want to learn something so here it goes. "My strengths are that I'm fast and have good aim. I would say my weakness is-"

"Everything else?"

I bite my tongue for a beat. "Compared to you? Sure."

He gives me an appraising look and I know he expected me to bite back or react.

"Okay. So, if your weakness is general combat then I would have to cover you and you would, what, run away?"

"No." I draw out, trying to think and stifle my temper. "If you're warding off the attack then I can slip through and possibly deliver a fatal blow." He looks so unimpressed my palms itch to slap the look off his face. "What's your weakness?"

"I haven't been told I have one."

Over his shoulder, I can see Lissa getting along with her partner and I feel a surge of jealousy.

"If I'm the faster one then that's your weakness between us." I force.

"Supposedly."

I inhale through my nose and then say as evenly as possible, "If you aren't going to take this seriously, I can go join another team."

Dimitri is now standing with Lissa and nodding along to whatever her partner is explaining. Zoey is covering our side and making her way down toward us.

Logan rolls his eyes. "Okay, we'll play to that. You lack in combat, I cover. Your faster, you deliver the fatal blow."

Things start to move forward, although awkwardly like we're driving over road bumps and potholes. He shows me a series of jabs that follow a similar style to what Spiridon had shown me but somehow not as ferocious.

"Your weakness isn't your knowledge of combat, not wholly," Logan comments as I throw my fists into his palms. "It's your weight behind it."

"I'm working on that."

"But your speed is good."

"That it is." Zoey appraises, appearing beside us.

I hadn't noticed before but she's a little shorter than I am.

Logan begins telling her what we've been discussing and the minute he pauses to draw breath I jump in. He is not getting all the credit. Zoey nods along, asking questions and offering advice before explaining that we're going to be set against another team with the goal to guard an item we're given and to retrieve our opponents.

"We're going to lose." Logan sighs when she moves away.

I mean, the odds are against us but his attitude sucks. "You know the point of this is trying to survive and you're accepting failure right away."

"The point of this is to cover each other's weaknesses. Rose, I'm going to be carrying you against two other people who have trained forever, not knitted and learned to churn butter or whatever the hell happens in a community."

There's a quietness that creeps over me, the same feeling I'd stepped into when I was in the tunnels. It's the twin to the numbness I would pull around myself out of fear.

I step forward until we're toe to toe, not looking away from his face which quickly becomes unsure but trying to cling to the cocky mask.

"You have no idea what it was like growing up the way I did." I tell him softly. "Every day was about surviving." He swallows. "I might not be able to put a lot of weight behind my hits, but I still hit."

I step back and some tension eases from his frame.

"We're still going to lose." He says but he doesn't look as arrogant about it. "But we can lose with dignity."

"Or we can guard our item and tie."

Twenty more minutes go by in which we try and strategize. Logan teaches me a few techniques to get out of a hold and we decide it's better I'm safeguarding our item as well as being the one to retrieve our opposing teams if he can create an opening. We also deduce that the instructions were to keep it safe so he suggests that if I get cornered, I stuff it down my shirt or down his pants. I choke on a laugh but he's mostly serious.

"Although, they will go looking for it." He says.

"No, they wouldn't."

"I would. All means necessarily goes here."

"Gross."

It rapidly dawns on me that I'm going to be sparring with other novices, not just Spiridon and Ben. I'm grateful that the former never adopted a sugar-coated approach to training otherwise what I'm in for here would be a hell of a shock. This also makes me realise something else. Lissa wouldn't be prepared for this but...it's not like Lissa is naive, she's probably seen for herself how hard they train.

Or maybe the lessons Natasha leads are more intense than I previously believed.

Dimitri and Zoey instruct us all to grab mats to cover the floor and soon we're all standing around the perimeter of the room.

"Feel free to volunteer to go first." Zoey calls.

Mason and his partner step forward and then to everyone's surprise so does Lissa and the girl she's with. My stomach knots but Mason wouldn't be unfair, not to Lissa, they're friends...

The Dhampirs all have set faces but it's obvious Lissa is anxious. A series of mutters go around the room and beside me, Logan leans over to Stefan and whispers something that has him snigger. I knock my knee into the back of Logan's thigh so his leg goes out from under him and he stumbles.

"You will show those on the mat the respect they deserve and not act like infants." Dimitri directs at him, abrasively cool.

I keep my face clear, eyes on Lissa, and ignore Stefan and Logan staring daggers at me. She glances at me I try to smile encouragingly.

Zoey hands each pair a ribbon, Mason ties his to his wrist and after conferring with her partner Lissa ties hers to her ankle.

"The goal is to retrieve the item. Impatience or frustration is not an excuse for excessive force. You each have a ten-minute window." Dimitri says and beside him, Zoey crosses her arms. "Begin."

My heart trips as Mason's partner immediately darts forward and is met by Lissa's. They fall into that dance that I could watch and analyse for hours but I keep my gaze on Lissa who has hers on Mason, not paying any attention to the other two.

Mason walks toward her, looking completely relaxed and ignorant of the sparring behind him. I suppose I can understand his cockyness. It's Lissa, who has never stepped foot onto a mat before, who's a Moroi so delicately built and softer by nature, and any defence she knew he would have witnessed in Natasha's class.

Their two partners roll across the floor, Masons springing up and looking to dart at Lissa before his legs are swept out from beneath him.

And then there's fire.

Not a rush of flame or blazing light, but a snaking, flickering cord winding around Lissa's right foot, below where the ribbon is tied. The novices around me look at each other and whisper in a rush of breath before Zoey and Dimitri shoot them looks.

Mason pauses to assess. "Your control has gotten better but how long can you hold that for, Liss?"

"Christians taught me a few things." She sets her shoulders and raises her palm, her eyes wholly concentrated on him, lit like sunlight behind peridot. "And I'll hold it for as long as she needs."

Before he can reply Lissa's partner throws off the other novice, rolling into a crouch and darting toward Mason. Lissa's raised hand pushes out and a gust of wind hits Mason's partner who'd gotten to his feet only to stumble back.

It's the strangest thing, feeling the pressure of the room shift, the air getting thinner as she throws it in one direction and causing a feeling of disorientation to go through the rest of us.

Mason's surprise flashes across his face, Lissa having provided her partner with an unexpected window to tackle him but he recovers fast, holding his own.

"Two minutes." Zoey calls.

If Lissa can hold onto the ribbon until they call time that will speak volumes.

"Come on." I murmur under my breath.

Mason's partner right themselves, rubbing their jaw as they consider Lissa and then charge toward her.

Instinctively I lean forward, waiting for Lissa to at least try and run out of reach but she remains still. She braces herself but the novice doesn't collide with her they drop down by her leg, reaching for the ribbon –

They let out a yell and fall back, cradling their hand after the fire had uncoiled and struck out like a snake.

"Time." Dimitri calls.

Mason and Lissa's partner spring apart, both breathing heavily, and pink-faced. The fire rope extinguishes with a hiss and Lissa's shoulders sag.

"How was that fair? She used magic!" Mason's partner demands.

Mason looks just as irritated as Lissa's partner high fives her, the force of it knocking Lissa back a step.

"As she should." Dimitri replies wryly.

"What did you expect her to do?" Zoey grins. "That's a tie. Our next volunteers please."

Without speaking Logan and I walk forward. I pick up my pace to touch Lissa's arm as she's walking off and her smile is shaky, face a little paler and I remember using elemental magic costs the Moroi. Nothing like the cost her unique magic does but it's still a lot.

"Rose." Logan says, snapping my attention back to him and to the fact I'm standing in front of sixteen other novices about to spar, in front of Dimitri and Zoey. A flutter of nerves travels through my stomach as Logan makes to tie the ribbon around my wrist but I take it from him. I slip it around my neck.

He raises an eyebrow. "Really?"

"I'm going to be more protective of my throat, right?"

"I hope so. Turn the knot to the back so they can't yank it from the front."

We turn to face Stefan and Mark. Stefan grins, eyes darting between me and Logan.

"Stefan's going for you." He says under his breath. "He always jabs with his left first and favours driving his knee into your gut so don't let him do that."

I look between them. "Who has the ribbon?"

Logan realises what I have and raises a hand. "Are they allowed to conceal it from us?"

"Protect your item." Dimitri responds. "That was the only stipulation of this exercise."

Stefan and Mark exchange a smug look.

"Maybe you should put it down your top." Logan says, his eyes darting between the two.

"What about your trousers?" I hiss back.

"Right, give it to me -"

"Begin." Zoey claps.

There's no time to think as both Dhampirs dart forward. Later I'll congratulate myself on not letting out a scream at being charged. Logan has already moved, colliding with Mark, both of them locking into that aggressive dance, whilst Stefan avoids them, coming for me.

There's no consideration Mason had shown Lissa and it dawns on me that having the ribbon around my throat is a very stupid idea. I have no doubt that he'll rip it from me with force if necessary and not try to tug it loose from the back in a civilised manner.

Stupid idea Rose, stupid.

My body strains to move as Stefan gets closer but Spiridon hammered it into me, again and again, to wait for the small window, the right moment. I hold firm, see the hint of a smile on his face as he gets close, thinking I'm too frightened to move or have given up.

His arm arcs out in a blur -

And then I'm no longer standing where he reached for.

I've thrown myself under it, rolling on my shoulder and coming up behind him. He whirls as Mark breaks from Logan to strike out at me. I'm slow at bringing my arm up into the right defensive angle but I manage to block him and have the presence of mind to yank his sleeve back.

No ribbon.

"Not on his right wrist." I tell Logan, who manages to kick Mark's legs out and intercept Stefan lunging forward, pulling him by his own force over his shoulder.

"Or his." He exhales heavily, backing up and forcing me behind him as the other two get up.

I can't believe I have to ask this. "They wouldn't…put it down their pants, would they?"

"Feel free to look." Stefan taunts, moving one way as Mark goes the other, circling us.

I put my back to Logan's.

"Just hold out." He tells me.

Unconsciously my eyes move from Stefan's predatory expression to Dimitri. His face is smooth, revealing nothing, but he stares back at me and then his gaze flicks to my left.

"Stefan has it." I murmur.

It made sense, Mark is distracting Logan and they both deemed I was the easier target. They banked on me trying to evade so much that I wouldn't be trying to search Stefan and certainly wouldn't be engaging with him to try and take it.

Both boys stop at either side of us, so no matter what way Logan rotates us I'll be in line with one of them.

"Just hold onto ours." Logan snaps.

Stefan looks beyond me to Mark, jerking his chin and then they both rush us again. Stefan expects me to roll like before, but I'd been taught to never repeat manoeuvres and he was too close to simply run out of reach from. I have no time left to think as he collides with me, sending us both sprawling to the floor. He hadn't expected that either and whilst I instinctively knew how to brace myself the wind is still knocked out of me. What I do goes against old instincts, instincts that told me to curl into myself, but I scramble onto my knees and yank his trouser leg back.

The ribbons tied there.

The sight of it distracts me for half a second and that's all Stefan needs to grab a hold of my braid. My head snaps back before my body follows.

I hear someone, Lissa most likely, make a noise of outrage.

Then Stefan's is over me, knees pinning my arms and my body reacts. My heart stops, and I have this sensation of not being anchored and instead of drifting something beckons me to sink, to descend into myself.

"Throw him off!" Mason shouts, his voice making room rush back. I feel the pointed ache of Stefan's weight as his hands reach for my neck, nails scratching my skin.

I don't think.

I drive up through my heels, my hips propelling him forward and when he throws out his hands to catch himself, I've already wrapped my leg and arm outside his and I flip us.

"Yes!"

Lissa.

"Two minutes!"

Zoey.

I throw myself out of his reach, my fingers like claws at his pant leg. He kicks me aside and I scramble to my feet.

"Rose!" Logan yells the warning but arms are already locking around my body, pinning mine to my sides.

Don't be polite about it.

I drive my elbow back into Mark's stomach and make to use the flat of my hand to hit his groin, just like Dimitri had shown me, but it hits open air as he angles his body away. His forearm moves from my waist to my neck, pressing me back into him and forcing my spine to arch. Panic unfurls in my stomach, a sickening spike burrowing deep. My hands scratch at the arm on my throat and I feel his other hand groping to get under my hair to untie the ribbon.

Stefan's up, looking very pissed, and moves toward us.

It's over, we're going to lose, and it was for nothing.

Logan tackles him.

There's a whisper in my mind urging me to go limp, to give him what he wants so he'll just let me go but the panic had met that spark, trying to submerge it but it's beginning to burn in retaliation. I let out a noise of pure frustration and fear, pushing us back and trying to wrench away as we stumble together. I can't break Mark's grip, and out of the corner of my eye, Logan and Stefan are in a fight that surpasses friendly.

So much for leaving emotion out of it.

"One minute." Dimitri calls.

A minute is too long, a minute can change everything.

I feel some of the hair at the nape of my neck ripped out and the spark catches.

I throw my head back and it meets resistance. Mark's grip loosens and I twist out under his hold, keeping a grip of his wrist. He has no choice but to turn with me and I kick out his knees, using my hold to propel him forward.

I don't wait to see if he hits the mat. We had seconds left and I was not going to let this be a tie.

Logan sees me coming and changes his tactic, instead of trying to throw Stefan off him he pulls him in, locking his fingers around his other wrist. I throw myself down, ignoring Stefan's kicks that are out to do damage. I try to pin his leg as I almost rip his pant leg pulling it up and there's the red cloth tied to his calve.

Mark drags me back as Zoey yells, "Time."

Numerous things happen in a matter of a few breaths. Logan releases Stefan who throws himself off him, landing beside me looking like a feral cat. Logan's eyes lock on what I hold in my hand, a small disbelieving puff of air leaving him. Mason, Lissa, the girl she'd partnered with, and a few others make excited noises

And then something collides with my face, not hard enough to hurt but it's a shock.

"What the fuck?" Logan demands shoving Stefan. "That's uncalled for."

I don't hear whatever excuse Stefan comes off with because my entire being ignites with rage. The only reason he'd done that is to humiliate me, to pass on the fragile embarrassment he inhabited. Before I can throw myself at him two hands seize the front of his shirt and he's hauled off the floor, feet leaving the ground.

The whole room goes quiet as Dimitri holds him like a badly behaved pet.

Stefan's face pales as Dimitri glares at him, the force of that look inspiring an instinct to cower closer to the ground.

Slowly Dimitri lowers him so his feet brush the ground, barely.

"Get out." Dimitri orders, releasing him so he stumbles. Stefan begins to argue and tries to make an excuse but Dimitri towers over him, the hard planes of his face severe. "Out."

"Whatever." Stefan mutters before stalking across the floor and leaving the room.

A hand appears next to my face and Logan pulls me to my feet.

"Don't let that bother you." Logan says. "He's a sore loser. If you didn't get kicked I would have been sucker-punched so..."

"What a baby." I seethe, prodding my cheek with my fingers.

It wouldn't bruise.

"That behaviour will not be tolerated," Zoey says, closer to me than I realised. She and Dimitri must have both moved when Stefan threw his tantrum. "If he is signed up for either mine or Guardian Belikov's classes in the following days, can someone inform him he will not be welcome unless apologies are made?"

"Behaviour like that is a prime example of what needs fixing among our ranks." Dimitri adds, arms folding and it's not the time or place to notice how it defines the muscle there or how...commanding the stance is. Maybe I got kicked harder than I thought.

I tear my eyes away and realise I am not the only person noticing. Even Lissa, Lissa, is looking at him differently. Only Mason and Mark are nodding but I think if Dimitri told them to go run off a cliff they would.

"We have our first winners," Dimitri says, breaking the tension. He nods at Logan and then me, eyes sliding to mine so briefly. "Well done. Last team to the mat, now."

The last pair need another to volunteer, as everyone else had already taken a turn. Mason and Logan step up, fist-bumping each other and having a hurried conversation in a whisper. I sit beside Lissa who whispers praise into my ear and then calls Stefan something that would make Natalie choke. This time around Mason gets the ribbon and Logan says something about him knowing how to pick a winning team.

That's rich.

Dimitri then instructs us to do a series of cool-down exercises and I can't help but laugh as Lissa's face drops.

"I wasn't going to come." She says in a strained rush of breath, not yet recovered as we flop back to the floor. "But I'm glad I did…especially when it would have been a wasted spot for someone. I honestly thought it was cancelled when I saw everyone walking out."

"It's really cool you signed up and saw it through. I think it impressed everyone." I say, coming out of a long stretch.

She gives a modest shrug. "That warm up almost killed me. I think if it had been any other Guardian leading they would have told me to leave, I'm serious. I suppose it did look pretty bold."

"Brave." I correct. "Zoey was impressed with you too."

"I really like her." She says and I agree, probably a bit too enthusiastically.

Just then the woman herself calls for everyone to move back against the walls as she strolls onto the matt, tying a ribbon to her wrist. A shivery rush of anticipation sweeps through me and my hand latches onto Lissa's knee as Dimitri is doing the same.

Mason throws himself down by me and I barely hear him when he says, "This oughtta be good."

The girl that had teamed up with Lissa sits down beside her and she introduces us. Eve gives me a quick smile and to my other side, Logan is taking bets with Mason on who's going to win as Dimitri and Zoey stand at either end of the room.

"Can someone set a timer?" Zoey calls and Lissa holds up her phone, having already been tapping away on it.

"I thought they were supposed to be on a team?" Mark says.

"Yeah, against who? Wanna step in?" Logan fires back. "That's a joke Mason, don't get up."

Lissa and Eve laugh quietly but I can't take my eyes off the two in front of us. I feel like the air is getting thinner and I don't know who to look at, poised on the edge of witnessing something that I knew was going to change me in some way.

"Ready?" Dimitri asks her, utterly calm.

Zoey nods.

Lissa's hand curls into mine, stopping me from clutching her thigh and then Zoey looks at her, "Begin."

The clock starts and for a second neither of them moves and then they both dart forward in a blur. There's no hesitancy or pause to assess like the rest of us had been careful to do. They collide but without a sickening impact that would be expected. Zoey somehow slides through Dimitri's legs, springing up behind him and swinging her leg out in a swift arc that he manages to catch and use to propel her toward the floor. She somehow takes him down with her.

It's so hard to follow, pick apart, process, their movements so viper quick and retaliating. Dimitri pins her arm with the ribbon and it looks like he's trying to shove his other elbow under her neck, to angle her face away, putting his weight into keeping the ribbon hand isolated from her body.

"The Americana" I hear Logan whisper and my heart lurches, not wanting her to lose, not wanting it to be over – but then she manages to pull her leg up between them and push her foot into Dimitri's hip. It leverages enough room for her to shift his weight and then he's under her.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, a quiet thought is whispering if the circumstances were different, I'd probably not be okay with this. A louder thought is wanting to be in her place, to have that kind of skill.

Dimitri throws her above his head and tries to pin her back down.

"Rose, my hand." Lissa whispers.

I don't look away as I loosen my grip. "Sorry."

I don't know how she does it, but she flips over and kicks Dimitri so hard in the chest he falls back and she up again, russet cheeks flushed and eyes calculating.

I glance at the phone and only four minutes have gone by.

Dimitri rises slowly, expression no longer calm but closed off – guardian mode.

I have the ridiculous urge to laugh.

"Would you like someone to tap in?" He asks quietly.

"You can't bait me, Belikov. My ego isn't that fragile."

The barest hint of a smile touches his face before she rushes him and demonstrates what she meant by her strength is in her legs. She's fast, graceful, kicking in swift arcs and punching in rapid strikes. The outline of her muscle becomes so defined through her clothes causing envy to burn beneath my awe.

She's amazing.

But Dimitri is better.

He meets every hit, brushing it aside and meeting the next. I try to break it down the best I can, seeing that she's on the offensive trying to break into his inner circle (the space inside the span of his arm) and land hits to his hips or legs because he'd voiced where he'd been injured. I also notice that he's predominantly using his left hand when pushing her back, the ribbon taunting her every time he does.

He is baiting her but subtly.

And then Dimitri strikes forward, grabbing her wrist and twisting it up her back and it's like we're watching in slowed time, as he pulls the ribbon loose and lets her go.

There's a suspended silence and then Zoey throws up her hands with a laugh. Mason starts clapping and still processing, we all follow his lead.

"How long did I last, Lissa?" She asks, shaking Dimitri's hand.

"Six minutes and twenty-eight seconds." Lissa reads back.

"I will give one hundred dollars to who can beat that." She says to the rest of us, earning laughter but Mason and Logan exchange a look that makes my eyes roll.

Dimitri thanks her for her time, then ours, and tells us we can go and he'll clear away the mats. It doesn't surprise me to see the boys hanging back to talk to him.

"That was so intense." Lissa says, drowning the remains of her water. "I can't believe you do that every day."

I bite my lip debating not to say it but whatever. "Actually, that was relatively easy compared to what they make me do."

Lissa looks at me in disbelief. "What?"

"Yeah. I mean, I only spar with Spiridon so that was a new experience for me too but after I would run and do conditioning training with Dimitri." She stares at me and I snicker, the high ascending higher. "Did you put your name down for the next one?"

"Yes, and now I'm back to debating if I'll go or not." She says as we stroll across the gym floor. "Dimitri was really good when talking to Eve and me. Like he said that I might be feeling unsure and intimidated, but our competition would be feeling the same because they'd never been taught to confront a Moroi and to use that. Too bad I got put with Mason who kinda knew what to expect."

"It didn't look like he knew. They didn't win."

"True. I can't believe I have to go get ready for this luncheon thing now. I'd blow it off but my mom would go ballistic."

"So would Natalie." I add and then laugh. "Do you think she's awake yet?"

"She better be. I'll try ringing her." She realises I've stopped walking toward the doors with her, "Coming?"

"No, I'm going to stay here and go for a run before I eat my weight in food with Ben. I think I need to sit out from things tonight, it's just…"

"A lot?" She smiles understandingly. "Okay, I'll talk to you later." I start walking toward the treadmills when she calls my name. "I'm really proud of you and you bet Natalie's going to hear about the Nimble badass getting the best of Stefan."

I run for 90 minutes, replaying the class in my head, our win, Zoey and Dimitri sparring, and then I imagine I'm in her place and he doesn't win.

---

Later, after showering on shakey legs, I flip through the menu in my room, brushing through my wet hair and so happy at the prospect of being alone for a few hours.

It would sound stupid to say aloud but this place is so much busier than I expected, more so than I'd prepared for. It was like constantly being inside the swell of the market place and it wasn't like Dimitri was there to fold me into his side and make everything steady.

I send Ben a text asking if he'll be free to eat soon and he replies he'll be here in half an hour along with his order.

I split my hair into two and braid either side, not from my hairline like Lissa had been able to do but from the nape of my neck. Hopefully, it dries nice. Stefan grabbing it reminded me why Dhampir women wore it short but I'll be damned if I cut it. Dimitri's is long and so is Zoeys - I just needed to be better.

I clear the coffee table and layout all the dishes when they arrive, getting myself a soda and Ben arrives right on time. I'm so hungry I don't think I could wait any longer to start. He pulls me in, one arm around the shoulders, but at the contact, something happens and it turns into a bear hug that surprises us both when we pull apart. The embarrassment that usually comes doesn't.

"Thanks, I needed that." He says, voicing what I'd just realised and moving toward the table. "And this, I definitely need this."

We eat in silence, only communicating in monosyllables to pass plates and make faces at each other about how good the steak sandwich is. It becomes a competition of who can make who laugh and I can only imagine how gross we look with gaping, grinning mouths of chewed food.

He fetches his second beer as I decide I'm done, well, except for fries.

"Was the meeting tough?" I ask, switching from my soda to water.

"Sort of, it went fine but Nathan Ivashkov, Adrian's dad remember? He was an asshole but that was to be expected. Victor handled him."

I keep my tongue tight to my teeth. I'd heard enough about that man in the last fourteen hours, and I hadn't gotten to speak to Adrian properly since being here. He hadn't shown up Christmas night and then last night it felt like he was avoiding me.

Ben exhales heavily, relaxing back into the cushions. "It's been a rough few months."

"Understatement," I mutter, folding my legs under myself.

Ben's brown eyes are soft and open. "How are you holding up? Is being here making it any easier?"

I blow out a heavy breath, trying to extract things I'd been turning over. "It's a good distraction but then, like tonight, I'm happy to not be with everyone because it gets too much. I think I have a limit to how much socializing I can take and it's not like there are quiet places to go. The girls have been really good at sensing it, even little things like when we went to get hot chocolates Lissa got us the booth facing away from everyone. Out on the slopes, Natalie insisted we kept riding the ski lift because I felt like there were too many bodies pressing in around me. She -" I start laughing quietly. "was asking stupid questions to people who past us."

I needed those minutes out of the crowd. Breathing in the frigid air and letting it clear my head, focusing on holding it in my lungs. The vast sky above was speckled with stars, those iridescent specks had always been consistent and comforting. They never changed.

"And I've been thinking that if…" I make myself look at him. "If you knew where my mom was, that bringing her to Victors might not be the best thing." Ben watches me carefully and I push on before he can say anything. "I read her file, the one he left. Dimitri gave it to me and if she needs treatment because of the bite then…then maybe it's better she is where she is so they can help her more than I can." I swallow the lump in my throat. "Or is that me trying to make myself feel better?"

He leans forward, elbows on his knees. "No. I told you that there are so few facilities in our world that can…aid that. Yes, there are clinics, but they aren't statistically successful so, and I do believe he does, if Zmey controls one of these places then I think she's in the best place possible for her. I think she'll be receiving everything she needs."

One of the vices that had wound itself around my chest slithers back but it doesn't lessen the ache of missing her.

Ben offers me his beer and it's so unexpected a laugh bubbles up my throat. "No, thanks."

I sip my soda and wish I'd ordered something sweet, then I remember I have chocolates stashed under the couch and retrieve them - to his amusement.

"Now you hide chocolate too?"

I grin. "Only the good stuff. Do you want one?"

"Do you not like caramels or something?" He says scanning them.

"Saving them." I murmur.

They're Dimitri's favourites.

He hums and picks the last dark chocolate and I pick the white raspberry.

"I wanted to talk to you about something else." I curl up beside him and try to figure out how to start.

I'd talked about it a little with Dimitri, but this is different. This wasn't in the wake of seeing someone die and wondering what kind of person it made me. Ben waits, taking a sip of his beer and oblivious to the fact I am not the person he thinks I am. I'm a version of her or maybe I'm not her at all. Maybe I'm someone else entirely.

I should have taken that drink because then my tongue wouldn't be so tangled.

"Talking to Liss and Nat about my future and knowing you and Dimitri have gotten me a tutor - " A well of emotion plumes, cutting off my flow and Ben touches my shoulder. "I've been going round and round about what I want to do next. I realised I want to be able to use the training beyond defending myself if I have to but I don't want to be Guardian. I want to be able to help people...I want to help slaves. I asked Dimitri if there's anything being done to stop slavery because the Ozera's aren't the only ones and he said no. And I feel like, as much as Victor would want to stop it happening it's not in his immediate plans when he reaches his goal or even before, is it?" Ben shakes his head. Dimitri had told me as much too but it's still...enraging. "Do you know or have any idea about how I could do that?"

He considers it and my self-consciousness ebbs a little seeing him taking it seriously. He takes another drink of his beer, the strong column of tanned throat flexing.

"Because it's a Dhampir issue I would imagine approaching the Guard first but they prioritise those in the Guardian network and their extended families, not so much Dhampirs as a whole. So those in communities, in the human domain without links to an active Guardian don't fall under their jurisdiction. To set up a programme or – wait, are you talking about taking active action to liberate or to house and care?"

The question throws me. "Um, initially I was thinking about finding and freeing them, and making those who kept them pay. Not just with threats but make them accountable, make them known. But I hadn't thought ahead to what happens after but yeah, I would want to have a safe place to then offer them."

Ben's hanging off my every word and I feel a rush of adrenaline because he's not just entertaining an idea or humouring me, he's strategising.

"For the Guard to set up a department like that you would need funding, they won't have it to spare. Their funding comes from a portion of our salaries and donations made by Moroi and both those things feed into things that benefit the latter, mostly. And like I said there are clinics and charities for Dhampir's and humans in the know addicted to the bite, but they aren't great – and there are like a handful of rehabilitation centres in the world but not much is known publicly, and then they're hard to secure a spot in because of how small they are."

I pick out the core issue. "Funding? Like money? How much money?"

"A lot." He exhales. "You're talking resources, equipment, travel, manpower, accommodation…probably more. A lot."

I feel myself deflating. "How could I do that?"

"The same way anyone does, appeal or pitch to those who have it. You have connections with two prominent Royal families."

It takes me a moment to process what he means. "I don't want to ask Victor for money... or Lissa's family."

He shrugs. "Why not? Don't think of it as asking for money for you because it's not. It would be for a…cause. Obviously, we would have to work out the structure of it, how we would present it to the Guard, then to the Coalition to further support, but I honestly believe this is something Rhea would advocate for, if not Eric too. Hell, Lissa and Natalie. They'll come into their trust funds in the next few years and will be urged to get involved in something to strengthen the community. Why not this?"

I get caught on one particular word. "You said 'we'."

Ben smiles and my throat gets clogged up with that stupid tight feeling. "You think I wouldn't want to help? You're going to need someone behind a screen giving intel, I'm the best man for that." The sensation moves from my throat to behind my eyes. "Oh man, we're talking about positive shit here, don't cry."

"I know it's something I've just thought of and making it happen is a long time away. I know I have so much to learn and do first, but just hearing you talk about it gives life outside my head, you know? It makes me feel like I might actually be destined to do something. These past weeks have really thrown me around and being here, listening to all their friends talk about colleges and what they're doing this summer, it makes me feel lost because really I don't belong inside those plans. I'm someone who's where they shouldn't be and it never feels like I really belong."

I hadn't meant to say so much and the embarrassment I hadn't felt earlier now appears.

Ben grips my shoulder. "One day at a time, Rose. Then all those days add up and you realise how far you've come. Look at how you were the day we met and now look at us."

"Yeah, day one I tried to hit Spiridon and now I have." I force out in a watery voice.

He laughs and it lifts some of the emotional tension.

"I can't imagine the number of things you're feeling and processing so the only advice I can offer is, to look at things in terms of 'what can I do today' and realise what's outside of your control. Recognise what you can't change and don't let it stress you out, work on the present. One step at a time."

I wipe my face and peek up at him. "Is that what you're doing?"

He considers the beer in his lap. "Yes."

I purse my lips before saying, "I'm sorry you haven't been able to see, Sonya."

He doesn't say anything for a minute, doesn't move. "Every time I think I'm doing alright I'll suddenly feel like a hole has been punched through my chest. The only thing I can hold onto is knowing she's where she needs to be and she knows that now. Sometimes you have to live with the hard choice of deciding what's better for someone because they don't know how to help themselves."

"But what if you're wrong?" I ask, thinking of Dimitri and his sisters, his mom, of mine and now worried Sonya might hate him.

"Then you hope they understand you were doing what you thought was best because you love them."

"Have you spoken to her? Sorry, that's none of my business."

"Not for a while, she asked me to give her time and I have. I still check in for updates and they've all been positive." He sits up, pushing back his dark hair thats flopped forward. "I'll keep waiting."

I don't know what to say so I reach out and take his hand, squeezing lightly.

I'd call my mom again soon, to just hear her voice. I couldn't tell her anything that had happened but I could maybe tell her something about her last promise holding strong. I could give her that until I saw her again.

Ben takes a deep breath, forcing a smile onto his face. "We got this."

And despite the magnitude of everything running through my head, just a portion of what I am still processing, I smile at him because we do.

"So, tell me. How did the class with the Russian God go?"

---

A few hours later Ben leaves to go play pool down in the Guardian barracks, saying he might drag Spiridon with him if he can as it might put him in a better mood. He asks several times if I'll be okay until I finally feel like I'm pushing him out the door.

I unbraid my hair and clear away our massive lunch that's collected by another Dhampir which makes me feel guilty before sprawling out with a book. I read the same line at least fifty times before letting it drop onto my chest.

A soft clicking breaks me out of my daydream.

Dimitri closes the door behind him, gaze sweeping the room and then looking to the bedroom.

"No one's here." I tell him, getting up and moving toward him as he locks us in and the rest of the world out. "Ben left a while ago."

He comes toward me, shedding that Guardian persona, and then my face is cradled between his hands, drawing me up onto my tiptoes so he can kiss me. It's more than just a firm press of lips, it's an anticipated moment, something we're both always waiting for but never knowing when the next time will be.

My nervous system relaxes, my body responding like a sigh as he lifts me. His face presses into my neck as I wrap myself around him and we stay like that for a few seconds before he walks us to the couch, sitting down with me in his lap. I try not to think about the last time we were in this position, in this seat, but my cheeks warm anyway.

That…that had been something else.

I rest my forehead against his.

"Your class was really good. I felt so proud of you." I say into the space between us. "Hearing and feeling how excited everyone was to be there and then how challenged them in a new way." I lean back to meet his dark eyes, happy to see the honeyed flecks. "Seeing you and Zoey spar, letting Lissa stay, encouraging her. You were great."

His thumbs brush along my ribs from where they circle my waist. Praise isn't anything new to him, he knows how capable he is, but I can see it's different hearing it from me. And knowing what I think matters means just as much to me as winning his challenge did.

"And you thought of it all on the walk there, imagine if you planned ahead and put effort into it?"

He chuckles and like always I'm drawn in by the sound, kissing the corner of his upturned lips.

"I can't take credit for that. It was an exercise Galina had Spiridon and I run over and over. Against each other, then us against her." His fingers trail down a tight wave of my hair, "The most impressive outcome of that lesson was how you and Lissa handled it."

A grin cuts into my mouth. "I know."

His hand leaves my waist to hold my chin, thumb touching my bottom lip. "You were fast, you were determined, and you didn't hesitate."

"I nearly did, when I was pinned and when he grabbed me from behind, I couldn't get out of it the way you showed me. I started to panic but then I got mad. I know I shouldn't let emotion take over but I couldn't help it. I'd rather be angry than afraid."

"Don't be hard on yourself. It was a first and you did well. I was very proud of you."

"On the inside." I smirk, nipping at the thumb still poised at my lip.

His gaze drops to it. "On the inside. As was the reaction when he kicked you."

I shrug. "It didn't hurt that much, it was more of the shock of it." I change the topic and hope he's willing to follow it. "Zoey is incredible, watching you both made me jealous but I also felt like I was learning to. It wasn't as intense when you and Spiridon spar, but it was still something."

He hums. "I'm glad she was able to step in, it added something, and I thought it would be good for you, as well as Lissa, to have a female influence present who also wasn't a teacher most of them would be familiar with."

Pride floods through me as well as the warmth I get when I'm with him, when it's us, the sensation of being on steady ground again, safe. "Are you done for the day? Can you stay?"

"I'm all yours. Victors with Eric, Ben dragged Spiridon down to the rec room and it was an unsaid agreement that it was better for me to stay out of Spiridon's way for a little while longer."

"Have you spoken to him about what happened?"

"Not yet. I will apologise for what I said. I let my emotions drive it and I shouldn't have."

I pick at his neckline until I find silver. My ring is on the bathroom counter. "You can't not feel things all the time."

"It's expected to not show or act on them."

I frown. "He does, Spiridon's sarcastic and needles at people but that aside…you still asked valid questions. Right?"

"I'm not paid to ask questions." He says quietly as if he didn't want to say it. "Not in that context."

I bite down on my tongue so I don't let out the torrent of words that would become a rant.

"Let's not worry about anything outside of this room, please?"

He draws my face toward him. "You know I can't resist when you say please."

"That's because you don't hear it often."

He opens his mouth to retort but I find something better to occupy it.

I will never get tired of kissing him, still astounded by how simple and yet intense it is, how much it conveys and how much it means. How it's instinctive and natural but still like discovering something new. Until I find out he hasn't eaten since this morning and once again I'm ringing room service.

He fills me in on his day and to my delight, Zoey is joining his next class again, but he won't tell me what he's plotting. He also has an indecipherable look on his face when I'm talking about her and how I really enjoyed working out with her. Having another woman tell me 'You can' and 'Push through it' didn't make me feel quite so aware of how much I lacked behind others. Zoey was just as much as qualified and lethal as the boys, but it was different. It was…empowering.

After he eats he decides to shower and gives me a meaningful look but because her timing is terrible, Natalie calls me.

"I need to talk to her." I tell him, feeling a tad pouty. "I haven't seen her since leaving the party last night and if I don't answer she might come knocking, no, she will come knocking."

He laughs and kisses me swiftly, lingering close to say, "You know where I'll be."

A delicious shudder runs through me, and I answer the phone before my mind can wander, glancing at the door to make sure it's locked.

"About time!" Natalie half-shouts down the phone, "I was so close to dragging myself out of bed and walking down the hall to your room."

I knew it.

She tells me she's sitting out tonight and staying in with Ralf, who apparently is in worse shape than she is, and Lissa was with Christian. It bugs me for reasons I can't justify that she's telling me they're busy and if I'm okay that we aren't hanging out. I mean, it suited me perfectly but there's something annoying about them thinking my ability to leave this room depends on them. I could easily go hang out with Mason, Jesse or Adrian (if he answered any of my messages) if I wanted to. But I don't say any of this, half-listening to the water running in the next room.

I almost groan when she dials Lissa in to ask her something that could wait. Despite Natalie saying she wants to go, the call goes on and on as the topic of Camille's sister being involved with her Guardian comes up again.

I can't hear the water running anymore.

"So, I think the pool party is the night before and Adrian is making sure we have the room and if we can't he has an outside pool in his suite but – "

"It's not the same." Lissa inputs. "Like, it'll be freezing when we're not in the water and running back inside. Hopefully we get the pool."

I don't say anything.

"Okay, I have a chocolate mudslide sundae waiting for me. Then I'm going lie on the floor, play Enya and evaluate my life choices." Natalie says before ending the call.

I toss my phone away and go in search of Dimitri, hoping he's still a little wet and not clothed. Well, if he was, I suppose it means I would get to undress him again. Those silk pouches I have stored away in the suitcase under the bed come to mind but as I round into the bedroom everything falls out of my head.

Dimitri is not dressed.

He's lounging on the bed with a black towel tucked around his hips, the stretch of his stomach and chest exposed, lines and dips carved into his tan skin. His damp hair is smoothed back, the ends laying down at his shoulders but the sight of him isn't what made me pause. It's what he's holding.

He has Natalie's book in his hands.

The book I'd tucked between the bedside table and the wall, that you could only see from the bathroom doorway if you were looking for it.

His gaze lifts from the page, dark eyes smouldering with amusement and something more...devious.

My breathing turns shallow.

"This explains a few things." He says, a smile playing around his mouth.

Heat is creeping up my chest, to my neck, on a mission to stain my face. I open my mouth to explain or take control of the situation, but nothing comes out.

"It's very...informative." His voice is low and silky, causing tingles to run over my hips. One long leg slides off the bed and then he's moving toward me and I'm frozen to the spot. "Are the dog-eared pages indication of what's piqued your interest, or do you have questions?"

I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. I'm torn between being mortified or following that unending curiosity I've always had. I force myself to stop staring at the stupid book and tilt my head back to meet his gaze and when I do, my curiosity wins.

"Both." I force out in a small breath.

"Both." He repeats softly, seeming pleased.

He turns the book around, two fingers holding the spine and showing me the page he'd been reading. I take it from him, skimming over the words, heat trickling down my spine as they run together to make shameless images, depicting bold and unrestrained things that I couldn't imagine doing or initiating.

But then what I'd done the other night when I forced him back and told him to watch, that wasn't premeditated or something I thought I could do until I was doing it. Until the air was so charged, and I didn't want him but needed him. I needed to feel the power in making the choice, of knowing I controlled what I did and who I did it with. That the only person worthy of touching me like that was Dimitri, the only person who'd seen every side of me and still loved me. Who looked at me as if I was a wonder of the world which made me feel like I could be.

There was no room to be self-conscious when he looked at me like that.

His hand cups my hip as he moves around me, his skin brushing against my arm. He dips so his mouth is shy of my ear, "Do you have questions about that?"

I can't even read the words anymore. I take a deep breath. "It's pretty clear."

"And is that something you want to do?"

My stomach is in a slow tumbling freefall.

I turn my head so I can look at him, let him see I mean it when I whisper, "Yes."

He makes a noise of deep satisfaction and I lean up to capture his lips, a fevered demand to it. Distantly I hear the book hit the floor and he's walking me back, fingers tangling in my hair to angle me the way he wants. I whimper when his tongue pushes in, sending sensation through me where it ends and pulses in one place.

His fingers curls into the hem of my jumper and I lift my arms so he can pull it over my head.

"I'm becoming very fond of finding out you're not wearing anything underneath." He murmurs as my hands find his waist and my lips leave a path over his chest.

He brushes my hair back as I reach as high as I can on tiptoe before he stoops to meet me. And then he's sinking lower into a crouch, mouth not leaving mine, to pull down my leggings and underwear. My fingers sink into his damp hair as he kisses between my breasts, then my stomach, hands running down my thighs, causing my eyes to flutter closed.

He lifts me, my knees settling on his waist as he turns us so that he can lay down with me draped over him. A faint nervousness skitters at the edge of what I'm feeling but there's also excitement, the same sort of tension I felt stepping onto the mat earlier.

My hand inches down his side to pry away the towel but his deft fingers latch around my wrist.

"Let's only concentrate on the first part." He says, kissing along my jaw and drawing my hand above us to the headboard. He does the same with the other.

"I can multi-task." I hear myself say as he shifts, sinking lower. His arms snake through my legs, hands grazing over my backside until coming to a stop on my hips.

I feel him smiling against my thigh as I concentrate on breathing, nails gripping the padded fabric.

"I'll be happy to see you demonstrate another time."

His hold urges me further up the bed and I try not to think that I'm kneeling over his face, that this sounded bizarre when I read it and If I think outside of my head and imagine what it looks like – but my blood is fizzing and the soft fan of his breath there is just sending more waves of anticipation through me, all ending in a pulsing ache.

"Roza." He coaxes and there's no turning back.

---

Optional smut ahead.

At my name my gaze drops from the wall, looking down my body to where he's poised between my thighs. The moment our eyes lock his tongue touches me in one light, long swipe. My hips twitch, my breath catches, and his hold tightens – everything centring to the sensation. He lets a second pass, the one moment he gives me to prepare after a taste of what's coming. Then his tongue and lips move against me, stroking, and kissing the most sensitive parts of my body. My arms tremble from how tightly I'm holding on, trying to remain still but those hands on my hips urge me to move and to give over to instinct.

His tongue swirls against that sensitive bundle and my breathing becomes laboured with every soft circle traced. My mind quietens as everything in me zeros in on what he's doing, lulled by it, but when his lips close over it, sucking hard and unexpectedly, a low moan escapes me. The last restraints fall away and let me be immersed in this, by him, by what we're doing.

I move against his mouth, almost following the pattern of small circles he'd made. He makes a noise of encouragement, the vibration of it sending tingles running everywhere. His tongue traces down before dipping inside me, causing my back to arch and my hands to leave the headboard to grip his wrists. His hands turn over, fingers sliding into mine, squeezing once, reassuring me as my head tips back to the ceiling. My body twitches as his tongue moves in and out and the sound of wet kisses sends shivers down my neck.

As every second passes my confidence burns brighter, hesitancy dimming and that emboldened sense of power is back.

He guides my hands back to the headboard, making it clear I'm to hold on.

She hadn't described this right in the book, she hadn't described how it went between being ticklish and making me smile between short gasps, and how it changed into needing friction, needing to grind down. The noises he made, the low rough sounds, were like a sensual taunt so I'd writhe impatiently - wanting, needing, begging for more.

His hands slide over my hips into the crevice of my waist before coming up to cradle the underside of my breasts, fingers making impressions on the soft skin.

My body is funnelling static fire from one end to the other.

How does it feel different? We'd done this before but not like this. This was completely unashamedly carnal, bold and somehow still so intimate. I'd watched him today, in awe of his lethal grace and contained power, holding back whilst meeting Zoey's full effort. No one could best him, no one can bring this warrior to submission…yet I have him under me, willing and eager to be there.

I don't know when I started rocking against him, almost aggressively, trying to feel him deeper and climb to that edge that will make it all shatter.

"Dimitri." It comes out in a rushed pant, my gaze dropping and landing on his. Seeing what he's doing to me whilst feeling it is too much. Those dark eyes are alight and in response, his hands grip me tighter and it changes.

It becomes more intense, and vigorous and the only way to describe it is - I am being devoured.

A stream of nonsense is coming out of my mouth, mumbled 'pleases' and when he pinches the tips of my breasts and I whine.

I can't contain the feeling, I can't encase this cracking electric trying to burst out of my skin and the edge rushes toward me.

His hold stops me from lifting off him, my hips bucking in a frenzy as a scream gets caught in my throat. My thighs tighten against his face and waves of slow, powerful pleasure roll through me in waves, leaving every nerve and fibre glowing iridescent.

Dimitri's tongue doesn't leave me, doesn't stop, drawing it all out until slowing to lazy strokes until my bones shake. My body slumps, everything about me languid, and my fingertips barely grip the headboard. He kisses my thigh, easing me back against his chest, and I know I should move but the problem is I don't think I'm capable.

I'm vaguely aware of him shifting us until I'm draped over him again. His hands smooth my hair down my back, a comforting rhythm until the daze clears. His heart is beating almost as erratically as mine is. I press my lips to his collar bone, trailing a path up his throat to his jaw.

"Curiosity satisfied?" He asks silkily.

He has that proud smile on his face, a lazy smug one that makes my toes curl. It also inspires a need to challenge it.

"For now." I murmur, leaning forward to kiss him and making him part his lips like he'd parted mine.

Knowing where his mouth had just been, and what it has just done, makes the charge start to build again. I remove that stupid towel and reach between us until he can't focus on kissing me anymore.

"You told me there were many ways you wanted me." I murmur, my fingers lightly trailing over the length of him. His eyes are closed, jaw tight. I'm being unfair but it's fun. "How do you want me now?"

I watch him inhale slowly and then let it out before his eyes snap open, a thrill shooting through me.

"Exactly where you are."

My surprise must show because he smirks, pulling my wrist away to press my hand to his chest. My confidence balks...if he wanted or expected me to be able to do what I had the other night then he was going to be sorely disappointed.

"I don't…" I mumble, hating that my voice has collapsed into shyness.

Dimitri stills, assessing my face. "Don't what?"

"No, I want to. I just mean…I think I won't be…I might..." I take an annoyed breath. "It was easier to move on the couch."

He relaxes, a smile stretching across his face and soothing the embarrassment flaring under my skin.

"I just want the view." He informs me, his eyes roaming down from my face meaningfully. "I have no intention of letting you lead. This time."

He shifts under me, drawing up his legs so his strong thighs brush against my ribs.

Oh.

My nails bite into the muscle of his chest. The feel of his hot skin against my thighs and palms invites a reflection of the fevered heat coursing through me and instinctively my legs widen a little, hips sinking until the molten part of me touches him. His eyes are incredibly dark, palms gliding up my thighs, the rough pads below his fingers an added sensation.

"Is that okay?"

His voice still held that sultry edge but there's weight in his gaze. The question is important to him.

"Yes."

I reach between us and don't break eye contact as I guide him to where I need him. His composure cracks and he curses in response to how ready I am, and I bite down on my lip. He pushes up onto his elbows, watching, as my hips rise a little before bearing down.

He's a welcomed pressure, a craved fullness and I don't breathe until I'm seated fully.

Dimitri exhales heavily and draws my face to his, kissing me lightly. A soft press that contrasts with the jerk of his hips beneath me, a hint at the promised intensity of what he can do with his leg's positioned like this.

"Ya razoren."

He lies back, my palms firm on his chest and the way he's looking at me makes me both feel unprepared and yet impatient.

"What?"

His hands move my hips, angling me the way he wants before feeling him retreat, changing the pressure before pushing back in again. My nails create crescents in his skin, as his hips rise and fall and I'm both anchored and caught in the tide of motion.

"I said I'm ruined." He explains in a loaded whisper. "Nothing will ever be as good as this. No one will ever make me feel the way you do. I'm yours."

I can't reply, I can barely breathe as he moves in and out of me, every stroke lighting me up brighter. And when I open my eyes it's all over his face, how much he loves me, how this is more than just about how it feels physically, how I feel like my very being is intertwined with him and can't be separated. We'd been stripped in every way, showed each other dark and vulnerable parts, and not only accepted those parts but loved them wholly too.

He'd told me before, not everybody has this.

Not everybody can.

It all becomes too much, and my arms buckle only for his to fasten around me, holding me to him as his powerful body moves beneath and in me. My teeth scrape against his skin, the pressure curling tighter in my lower belly and mercilessly encouraged as he moves faster. In the recesses of my mind, I recognise how loud we're being, that if we were back at the house things would no longer be a secret. The primal guttural sounds I can feel just shy of my ear, my barely smothered moans and the noise of our bodies meeting that's just as loud.

The pressure climbs and teeters on the edge. I push myself up wanting to see him, wanting him to watch as everything shatters into star-speckled pieces. Dimitri's cheeks are flushed, lips parted as his hand splays between my breasts, propping me there. His hips relent slightly as we stare at each other, breathing harsh and my heart is pounding.

"Are you going to come?" His voice is thick, accent heavy and flavouring his words, "Say it for me."

"I - I'm going to come."

He grunts, pace resuming that shattering stride and the pressure breaks. My muscles convulse around him, rolling, relentless pleasure coursing through my being and beneath me, I hear him shout. I'm pulled back down, encompassed in the warmth of his body and the strength of his arms. His solid body jerks and slows, lines and dips settling against my soft curves.

Weightless moments pass, moments where I slip in and out of consciousness but when I surface, he's pressed against my back, arm latched around my waist and our legs tangled.

"I love you." I mumble.

"Ya tvoy." He replies softly. "Always."

---

Notes:
- I spent around ten days going over chapters 1-43 and I'll get to the others soon. Mostly it was fixing flow, and grammar, implementing a bit more context and I put in more romitri moments. Not a lot, but just things that help move things along a little bit. Idk if it's worth saying again but I recognise the timeline is short as they've known each other for six months but again, I'm finishing this fic this year and these things I'll rectify for the novels.

- I've commissioned chibi art of Ben, Spiridon and Dimitri that will be on P...a..t..re..o..n next week along with a subchapter of Dimitri helping Rose get comfortable in her bathing suit. Pool times - fluff.

-The smut is optional, and tbh I debated not including it here, becauseeeee more is around the corner and I didn't want it to be overload after having something intense two chapters ago. But then again, they're in love so why the hell not? Also, I feel Rose becoming more comfortable and confident in her body is important, that a physical relationship amplifies their bond and connection.

-The girl training with Lissa is the Dhampir server from the previous chapter.

✨S/O to Maddy for her notes ✨