Temper me in fire

by voldobaby

AU: The world of Moroi and Dhampirs is very different, political turmoil has opened up a vacuum in which illegal and immoral actions can transpire, such as slavery of Dhampirs. Rosemarie Hathaway is born into slavery in Arizona. Her life revolves around tending to her chores and making herself inconspicuous. But that all changes when Mr.Dashkov and his Guardians arrive

67. Chapter 65

RPOV

"You got away."

"Not really."

Eddie looks annoyed at my response. He's not in his red shirt but one that's blue, the colour of all the days we used to pass tracing clouds.

"You got away, Rose."

I feel that indulgent pain pressing behind my eyes. "I didn't though. Pieces of it are still inside me and I can't get them out."

I'm not young but me now. I've never been older before. When I'm with him I'm always twelve and in my shirt that's too small. But now my arms are stronger, my legs filled out and it makes me taller than him.

I try to reach for him – I can protect him now.

Eddie steps away from me and then again when I follow.

The hot press spills over and wets my cheeks.

"I didn't mean to leave you there. I didn't. Eddie, please."

Eddie smiles, a small one. "You never left me. You have the pieces you need."

I shake my head and around me the grass is rippling. "Guardian Alto's dead and I thought it would help but it hasn't. You're still gone."

"You have what you need." He repeats, the wind ruffling his blonde hair. Through the strands parts of his scalp are darker. "And you got away."

---

I wake, not with a jerk or with a physical reaction to the heartache trailing after the dream. I lie still, concentrating on my short shallow breaths and the feel of the sheets under my fingers.

It was only a dream and as it sinks further and further away my heartbeat slows.

Rigidly I turn over, searching for the comforting warmth of Dimitri but he's not beside me. In the dim light, his outline rests on the far edge of the bed holding his phone to his ear.

"Kogda?" He asks in a hushed whisper, followed by more Russian. His tone is warm with affection which tells me this isn't work a call.

He leans forward, a hand lodging into hair as he rests an elbow on his knee.

"YA nikogda ne khotel tebya razocharovyvat'." His voice thickens toward the end of his sentence. Instinctively I sit up and crawl toward him.

I place my hand on his waist and immediately he reaches for it, drawing it around him to hold. I rest my cheek on his shoulder and listen to his voice moulding around Russian, its harsh breaks and rolling syllables.

His skin smells faintly of lavender, supple from the oils of the pool

Dimitri lets out a heavy exhale, his muscles shifting beneath me as he holds my hand tightly.

I kiss his shoulder.

Whoever is on the other end of the phone is talking too quietly for me to hear. Not that I'd understand them anyway, my Russian needed to be broken down into one word at a time.

There's a long pause where I think he has been asked something.

"U menya yest'. Ona moy dom." He lifts our joined hands to kiss mine, "I ya starayus' byt' dostoynym yeye."

Whatever he's said, he said it with conviction and it's hard to know if the person on the other end is pleased with his response. Dimitri listens, thumb stroking the back of my hand and his replies are more relaxed until suddenly he straightens.

He swallows, fingers tightening around mine. "Spasibo za zvonok."

The reply is curt and faintly I hear the line click. It takes him a moment to bring the phone away from his ear.

"Who was that?" I ask softly.

He inhales sharply. "My grandmother."

I shift forward, one leg sliding off the bed so I can see him properly. His expression is unguardedly tender and hope burrows into my chest.

"Karolina had the baby, she thought I should know so she…" He struggles to get the rest out, emotion overtaking and tampering with his breathing.

His chin dips and I slide to the floor between his knees. I wrap my arms around the slope of his shoulder and make the crook of my shoulder the place for him. His hands press into my back before his arms band around me.

There aren't any tears but this is a loss of control, being overwhelmed while trying to process and it's disarming for him. I know it feels unnatural, I know he's conflicted about feeling what he's feeling because this is a good thing, but it means being vulnerable.

So, I become for him what he is for me - my safety.

My fingers stroke the back of his head until he regains control. He pulls back to rest his brow against mine.

After a few moments I dare to break the quiet. "You're an uncle again."

"A little girl. She hasn't named her yet." My hands run up and down his arms, reassuring him, comforting him because I know this vulnerability is no easy thing, not even with me. "It was a long labour, my grandmother says she will be as stubborn as her mother."

I swallow, "She's well? Karolina."

"Yes." He sits back, taking a deep breath to steady himself. He looks beyond me for a few moments before saying, "My grandmother doesn't own a phone. She has a firm distrust of cell phones and doesn't care to explain why. To get through to Ben's network you have to input codes so anytime I've spoken to her it's been on Victoria's or Karolina's phone." He looks at me then, sentiment pulsing in his dark eyes that makes my chest ache. "She phoned me from the hospital, putting in the codes herself which must mean she carries them with her, or she's memorised them."

A sensation is rapidly inflating in me, something a little foreign but close to what I felt when Lissa gifted me my bracelet. "What's your grandmother's name?"

"Yeva."

I repeat it, hoarding something else of his, as he pulls me into his lap. "What is she like?"

"She's…" He searches for the right word, awe and delight on his face in the dimness. "Scary."

I snort at the unexpected description. "Scary?"

"Mhm. But in the most comforting way, her scary was out of fierce devotion to us... despite not agreeing with my mother's choices. I always felt safe at her house. She's quiet but sees everything. She once said the wind was her spy and reported back to her so she would know if we were up to no good." His words wouldn't paint a compliment on their own, but his expression and his tone convey how much he admires her. "She might be quiet, but she will put forth her opinion and not, as they say, beat around the bush. She will beat the bush."

"She's honest?"

"Very."

"And intimidating to those who don't know her?" He nods and a slow grin blooms on my mouth, "So, she's like you? Or rather you're like her."

My assumption takes him by surprise. "I've never thought about it like that."

I trace his cheekbone with my fingertip. "I'm happy for you, for the baby and that she called. It sounded like it went well. She wasn't…angry with you?"

"No." He says quietly, pushing his loose hair back. "Well, she called me a stupid fool but that was it. She didn't want to dwell on what I'd done but rather on the news she was delivering and –"

I search his face. "And?"

"She said there was life in my voice again. She asked me if someone was responsible for it."

I stare at him, glad of being cocooned in the darkness where it can hide our secrets. "And what did you tell her?"

"I told her it was because I'd found my home." He covers the hand that's stilled on his face. "It... holds weight with her, linked to a proverb she would have heard growing up. She told me it was about time I found some peace." He kisses my palm, fingers brushing down my forearm in a whisper. "She also provided other advice, or rather, she told me a few things."

He laughs lightly, two beats, and there's so much tender joy etched onto his face that I tilt forward and wrap my arms tightly around him.

Things aren't repaired with his family but this is a step in the right direction. I knew what he'd done was reparable, but I also knew how their silence and distance made him feel like it wasn't. The last call with Karolina had cut him and wounds like that can only be dressed, not healed. His family are a core part of who he is…and the love he has for all the women in his family was something that I always held in the back of my mind, a reason why I leant into the connection we had.

And now there was another little girl, a baby and she's already so loved. Safe.

"Why are you crying? Roza." He repeats my name until it becomes a comforting hushed sound.

I pull back to wipe my eyes. "I – I'm just, I'm so happy for you. I know how much that call would have meant and I'm also…I couldn't help… I just…"

"Breathe." He instructs, bringing my hand from his neck to his heart. "Breathe."

I do and then in a self-hating whisper I admit, "I'm ruining this for you."

"You aren't ruining anything. You are reacting to something, explain it to me." He coaxes, running a firm hand over my lower back.

I wrestle the frustration with myself aside.

"I mean it, I am happy for you. I know it doesn't mean everything's fixed with your sisters but I just…it's nice to finally have something good happen, you know? It's nice to know a baby's been born and she's so loved already, especially by someone like you and who is so far away but would do anything for them. It's just really…nice."

He brushes the wetness from my face as my pathetic, ill-formed explanation hangs in the air.

Why couldn't I just be normal? Why couldn't I just let him have his moment?

"Thank you."

I lift my eyes to his. "W-what?"

He tucks my hair behind my ear, looking so unexplainable tender, and the shame releases its chokehold.

"For caring so much. For being happy for me, for being whatever my grandmother knows you are, for asking after Karolina."

His words aren't aligning with what I feel and that's confusing. I'm making something selfishly about myself because…something in me has reacted. Something that hurts and aches and longs for what it never had.

Distantly I register him kissing my face, talking to me. "…and because of that it gives me hope that I can make it right with them."

My fingers press into the meat of his shoulders, steadying me as my thoughts and emotions straighten out.

He isn't annoyed by the crying. He isn't exasperated.

It's okay to react.

I let out a long heavy breath and lean back into him, resting in the crook of his shoulder as he continues to rub my back.

"Tell me more about them, your family."

He must talk for about an hour, telling me details about each sister and their personalities, their likes and dislikes, the arguments they had over a misplaced jacket that escalated into sauce being poured over someone's bed. How Karolina had been the most resentful about him spending more and more time at the Academy and the only solace was she had their shared room to herself. He tells me more about his grandmother's cooking and how she taught him recipes, how to sew and do his laundry.

I think back to those first days when he'd been almost hostile at the idea of me doing anything for him.

We get back under the covers and he tells me about Karolina and her cravings for sugared pickles when she was pregnant with Paul.

"Paul was late and this one was early. Coming on her own terms." He says, lips tilted up and having stayed that way the whole time he'd been talking.

"Is she going to call you back when they have a name?"

"I don't know. I hope so."

I bite my bottom lip before pushing, "Maybe you could call them? This could be a good time to speak to her, Karolina."

"Maybe."

I press closers to him, my eyes feeling heavy and that hollow place inside filled with tales of his life. "Was your mother there?"

"No." He says quietly and I'm barely staying above the surface. "She's not sure where she is."

I try to fight back against the hold sleep has as it drags me down, to tell him I'm sorry and I'm sure she's okay, that maybe Ben can find her but it all slips away. Instead, I'm delivered back to the orchard and my mom is brushing my hair as Eddie makes daisy chains.

---

My alarm doesn't wake Dimitri. He doesn't stir as I get out of bed or when I leave the bathroom after showering. Not even as I'm getting dressed. If it wasn't for the steady rise and fall of his chest, I would think something more serious was going on.

I coax him awake by peppering his face with light kisses and the smell of the coffee on the bedside encourages him to fight the sleep trying to drag him back.

He pushes himself up onto the pillows, kneading his eyes and blinking rapidly to fight off the clinging daze. I've never seen him so rumpled and strangely vulnerable in that disorientated from sleep kinda way.

"Thank you." He sighs as I hand the coffee to him, trying not to grin too widely.

"Sure. Did swimming exhaust you?" He frowns at me, processing, and I lose the fight with my mouth. "Or was it before. Am I wearing you out?"

A humoured puff of air leaves him as he takes a tentative sip, hand searching the covers for mine. I lace our fingers as his head falls back against the headboard.

"I haven't slept like that since…I can't remember a time. I didn't even dream." My fingers leave his to graze up his forearm. "I know there is still a lot of ground to cover but being included in the news, it was a good start. More than I hoped for."

I'm nodding, fingers drifting back to be enclosed in his. He squeezes my hand so I up at him and find concern colouring his face and I know he's remembering my reaction. Hew stares at me waiting patiently as I try to sort through my thoughts, made even harder as humiliation blots them.

"I'm fine. Really. I meant it when I said I was happy." I say quietly, making sure to hold his gaze when I want to hide from it. "That little girl's very lucky, she has whole family around her. She has you, thousands of miles away, who already loves her and would do anything for her. She's safe and happy."

He sits forward, putting his coffee aside and even sitting he bears over me. I lose the fight to keep my eyes up and last nights dreams warp through my mind – a contrast to what I'd just said. His hands slide around my cheeks and instinct makes me want to pull away.

"Yes, she does, and it's what you should have had but you have it now." My throat tightens and I keep my eyes trained on the cross pendant. He must have put it back on before bed. "You have me, you have your friends, Ben, Spiridon and you have your mother."

I pull out of his grasp. "I don't want to make this about me. I don't want to whine for what I never had when I have more than enough now. I just – I don't know. Like you said, I reacted."

"Roza, you are allowed to mourn for what your life should have been, to be angry. It's only logical after Stan and now the birth of –"

I throw up my hands to make him stop, clearing my expression at the same time and forcing a small smile, something believable. "No, it's fine. It's a little sad for me, sure, but I am happy for your family and for you. I'm not angry."

He's not buying it, so I kiss him quickly and stand. "Breakfast is soon, get dressed before Natalie breaks down my door."

I walk out and pretend I don't hear him say my name.

---

I walk into Victor's suite to find Spiridon and Natalie locked into some sort of debate about the significance of pop culture in the 70s and someone called Stevie.

"She's was in the know about us, it was a whole commotion that needed to be stamped out." Natalie says as I pour some juice. "Rhea told us about it and that someone she knew has a friend who used to feed on her and –"

"Load of shit." Ben contributes.

"Thank you." Spiridon throws at Ben. "Rhea's spun something for fun here, Nat."

Natalie's hand slaps the table. "Why would Rhea lie? I mean she was a bit tipsy at the time but –"

"Rhea's a dark horse when she wants to be." Spiridon says. "If you pay her attention, you'll notice her murmuring things under her breath that are usually very funny."

I sit down beside Ben. "Who's Stevie?"

"No." Spiridon says flatly as Natalie opens her mouth. "I am not listening to you explain decades of history to someone who will have fifty more questions before you get to the point – and it's moot because it didn't happen. It's folklore. End of story."

Ben's shoulders shake beside me. "You're awfully prickly this morning. Are you sure you're not feeling a little bit hung-" Spiridon holds up his middle finger and Natalie laughs. "Careful now, there are ladies present."

"Where?" Natalie and I say in unison and then grin at each other.

"You smell nice." Ben says to me and then leans in to take an exaggerated sniff.

"And your hair is super lustrous…and you're glowing. Did you go to the spa without me?" Natalie demands, going from admiring to pissed in no time at all. "Because that's not cool."

I hide behind the rim of my glass. "No, just took a long bath."

"You should probably make an effort to bathe more often if it's that noticeable." Spiridon says, slouching down in his chair.

"That's rich coming from you, you smell like a bar floor. A sticky one."

"Says the girl that I found passed out on her bathroom with toothpaste all over her chin and in her hair."

Natalie lifts her chin proudly, "At least on auto pilot I'm still trying to make an effort."

Spiridon's deadpan expression remains in place. "You looked like you died of rabies."

"Yeah well, you look like –"

"Good morning."

Their bickering dies at the sound of Victor entering the room. He's dressed in rich grey slacks and a charcoal cable knit, a pristine white collar circling his neck so his chin remains royally tilted and giving the illusion he's looking down at us all.

"Morning boss." Spiridon carols, peeling himself from his chair to make him an espresso.

It occurs to me that's my job.

Ben hands Victor a binder, no doubt a report of his web of plans and how their progressing. Across from me Natalie looks…sheepish and pushing her eggs around her plate. The icy treatment she'd been giving him had thawed after Christmas night, when Victor and Lissa's parents gifted them an apartment on the University campus.

A thought intrudes, unwarranted and unwanted, about how Dimitri and I had fantasized about a place of our own. A small place. But other people had massive apartments to gift to people.

I push the thought out as quickly as it comes.

"How is everyone this morning?" Victor asks, accepting his little porcelain shot glass and opening the file. His jade eyes lift and pin Natalie. "Have we recovered from our antics?"

Natalie nods and forces a smile. "Yes, and learned my lesson."

"Which is?"

Spiridon sits back down, watching them intently.

Natalie's gaze darts around the table, obviously embarrassed. "I won't drink that excessively again."

"I should think not. Using a chandelier as a swing is not –"

"That wasn't –"

Victor holds up a hand and her face pinches. "Something I want reported to me, nor do I want to be liable for the damage not just to property but to our reputation. I have enough issues with the Ivashov's without you adding to it."

Natalie's shoulders drop a fraction, heat creeping into her face. "I'm sorry."

Victor nods once. "I understand this is the last time your class will be here together, but I need you to bear in mind that in a few months you graduate, you are not a child, you have responsibilities to your name, and you should be using this time to strengthen your connections with other ladies."

"Yes, daddy."

Victor nods, appeased, taking another sip and flipping open his binder. "Speaking of which, Rose, how is Adrian?"

The whole table seems to still, not physically but in the atmosphere as a spotlight hits me. The wall I'd resurrected under Dimitri's understanding gaze fissures.

"I don't know. I haven't seen him since Christmas night, he's very in demand." I take in Natalie's crestfallen face, cheeks pink. "If he's not surrounded by a ton of girls, I suppose he's helping his dad throw people out of restaurants."

"He did what?" Natalie says, leaping on the information.

I beat Victor to it. "Adrian's dad made Natasha and Dimitri leave when they were eating. He implied Natasha was parading her Blood Whore around." Natalie's mouth drops open and to cover Dimitri I add, "How did you not hear about that? Everyone's talking about it."

"I bet they are." Spiridon intones from down the table.

"But maybe that stuff about Camille's sister overshadows it, I don't know."

"This place is a melting pot of gossip." Ben says, sounding rather happy about it.

"That display of arrogance is just one instance in which Nathan and I have clashed." Victor says and I don't know how I was hoping for spitting the truth at him would somehow embarrass him. I just wanted that look off Natalie's face. "He was trying to use their relationship as means to discredit Ben's project – that bigot attitude will be his undoing. Which is why, Natalie, I need you to be representing us as graciously and as exuberantly, as only you can, my darling."

And like a light switch being rotated, Natalie's expression brightens.

"So the rabies impersonation needs to go." Spiridon comments, ruining the moment. She throws him a dark look and he sniggers.

Victor looks between them in confusion but doesn't ask for details. Ben nudges me with his elbow and tells me to eat something.

I'm loading my plate full of, well everything, when Dimitri enters the suite.

His hair is damp and pulled back to the nape of his neck, too long for the short ponytail now so it's twisted into a knot. His duster frames his shape, the cut lines of his broad shoulders and travelling the length of him to sweep his calves. His dark clothes enhance his imposing presence, or maybe that's just me, maybe I'm too invested.

"Is Rose's couch so comfortable that you oversleep, cowboy?"

"There's less risk of falling off it." Dimitri answers smoothly.

Spiridon's sleet gaze tracks him to the coffee station. I pass Dimitri a mug without looking at him.

"I thought after roughing it in the zones you would be less picky."

Dimitri pours out his black coffee. "This job has spoiled me."

"You said it."

"Is there something that we need to air out or discuss?" Victor asks bluntly, having been watching the two and not choosing to stay oblivious to the tension.

"No." Spiridon says, still watching Dimitri who turns and meets his glare head on.

Ben looks to me, turned away from Victor, and makes an awkward face. Natalie is looking between the men with vested interest.

A beep breaks the silence and we all down the room to Lissa coming through the door.

Victor rises from his seat, "Vasilisa, are you alright?"

Lissa tries to smile but the fact she winces and limps in the same instance eclipses it. "Yeah, just sore. Very sore."

I put down my plate and cross the room to snake an arm around her waist. She leans into me immediately.

"Did you hurt yourself on the slopes?" Victor asks, concern colouring his features but beside him Natalie snickers.

Ben vacates his seat so she can sit down, and I slide her my plate of food. I go about making up another while Lissa explains her injuries were sustained from participating in class yesterday, something she says rather proudly.

"Are your parents aware of you participating in Dimitri's lesson?" Victor asks, glancing down from her to where Dimitri is now sitting by Spiridon. Either he's trying to piss him off more or he doesn't really fear anything.

"Nope." Lissa, popping the 'p'. "Dimitri didn't need permission slips so why would I need to ask permission?"

Now it's my turn to not smirk. I fail.

"Vasilisa." Victor rebukes quietly. "They have a right to know if you are participating in…strenuous activities."

Lissa gives him the driest look. "They know I take the magic defence with Natasha, why is this any different?"

"I would imagine because it involves engaged combat, am I wrong?"

"No." I jump in. "But it was about using our strengths and she used her magic. We were in teams, and she drew against Mason Ashford. She was amazing."

"No, you were amazing. You won."

We grin at each other but across the table, I catch a strange look on Natalie's face that she quickly hides.

"I didn't realise you were holding the class open to Moroi." Victor directs to the other end of the table. "I would have thought that would warrant discussion, especially with your hand in Natasha's classes."

Lissa frowns and cuts off Dimitri's response. "It wasn't technically open to Moroi, I put my name down and showed up. Thankfully Dimitri didn't kick me out and I learned things, things besides how out of shape I am. I still got to use my magic and it's not like, anyone punched me in the face." She gives me a sympathetic look. "Besides, doesn't that help your agenda?"

Victor considers her, there's nothing technically bad in his expression but there's no warmth that's usually there.

"Tell your parents." He says with finality and then to Dimitri. "And please have the courtesy to tell me when you are expanding your lessons to Moroi. Specifically, those I care about."

Dimitri nods sharply. Ben and Lissa both look like they're chewing something over and are about to spit it out, but I get in first.

"What are we doing today, Natalie? Besides carrying Lissa around between us."

Natalie, thankfully, steers and takes up all the conversation detailing that our dress options have arrived and will be delivered to her suite soon for us to choose from. She laments that the balls so close that any alterations will have to minimal so for the sake of her sanity they better be what she asked for.

I nod along and make noises in the right places. Below the table Lissa keeps rubbing her thigh and clenching her jaw. Victor takes Spiridon's seat and I try to eavesdrop on the other end of the table. Victor is having lunch with someone, and Ben is escorting him, no doubt to persuade them of his gadgets or something and the other two…the other two are taking a class with Natasha.

Spiridon catches me looking and raises an eyebrow, which flags Victor's attention, so he looks down at the table.

"Lissa am I right in assuming you will not be joining Christian at Natasha's class today?"

"No, she won't be." Natalie answers, interrupting her stream of beauty itinerary.

Lissa shakes her head. "The thought of standing up again is awful but Rose is going to help me stretch so I might be able to go to Dimitri's class tomorrow." She ignores Victor's frown and instead looks straight at Dimitri. "I don't want to waste the spot so if I don't think I'll be able to come I'll make sure Mason gets someone, not Stefan, obviously."

Dimitri nods approvingly and my stupid heart swells. "Plenty of water, your muscles need it."

"Our dresses - " Natalie starts.

"She'll be there." I tell him and Lissa smiles at me. "I'll make sure of it."

"Make your parents aware." Victor says, cutting through the excitement with his authoritative voice. He gives Dimitri a look that conveys that if Lissa's parents disapprove then this time he was to kick her out.

Lissa's jaw flexes but then in an airy polite tone she answers, "Yes, Uncle Victor."

"And Natalie, you will keep an eye on Camille? Make sure she knows she still has friends."

Natalie frowns. "She does have friends."

"Exactly."

"So, you two have to dance first to open the ball and then we can all sit together right?" I direct at Natalie and thankfully she takes the bait.

She explains the Royal Waltz is ceremonious, opening the festivities of New Year. At least one representative of each family would dance but due to the sheer number of Royals present there would be multiple this time and it was usually an opportunity for each family to dance with another representative.

"It's worked out well for us." Natalie grins at Lissa. "Ralf and I. You and Christian. Daddy and Rhea."

"Eric and Daniella." Victor supplies, having been listening closely and nodding along.

"At least if he tries to make a fool out of himself with her, she's likely to take his head off." Lissa states bluntly before putting a forkful in her mouth.

Victor's brow creases but beside him Ben and Spiridon glance at each other.

"Pardon?"

There's a pause where Lissa just meets his eyes, unwavering, blunt, and letting the silence speak volumes.

Natalie starts laughing, a panicked shadow in her gaze. "Liss, don't be gross. As if."

Lissa casts her her a bland look and reaches for her juice as Spiridon fills the silence at the other end of the table.

A little bit later I clear everyone's plates to the side to be collected and top up Lissa's water when there's a flurried knocking on the door.

Ben gets it and the voice of greeting sours my entire mood.

"Good morning, Ben! Is he here?"

Ben stands aside. "Which one?"

Natasha laughs as she strides into the room, beaming from ear to ear. Victor pushes away from the table and kisses her cheek, Lissa and Natalie offer their welcomes and I retake my seat in silence.

"Sorry to interrupt breakfast but I just couldn't contain my excitement." She grins, turning her bright blue eyes on Dimitri who looks slightly puzzled. "Congratulations!"

My realisation mirrors on Dimitri's expression but whilst his is mild, I scowl.

"Thank you. How did you –"

"Good news travels fast! This world needed another girl."

Victor watches the exchange in puzzlement, Spiridon looks annoyed (odd) but it clicks for Ben.

"Karolina had the baby? Aw, man why didn't you say that! Congratulations." He cuts between Natasha, who'd stepped closer to Dimitri, and hugs him. I start giggling at the surprise and embarrassment burning on Dimitri's face and Ben claps him on the back twice before releasing him. "What's her name? How much did she weigh?"

Spiridon considers Ben like someone who's started undressing in a room full of people.

"Uh, I'm not sure. I got the call late last night. She doesn't have a name yet."

"Congratulations." Lissa smiles. "I'd get up but…it hurts."

Dimitri holds up his palms. "I am more than happy with verbal best wishes."

Ben is a genius.

Natasha's expression takes on a brittle edge as Natalie and I chorus our congratulations from the far end of the table. The conversation stays on children, Victor giving us anecdotes about Natalie that make her laugh and then turn crimson. In an attempt to deflect she throws out Lissa wet herself during their kindergarten play of St. Vladimir's pilgrimage – Lissa smirkingly corrects that it was Andre who peed on stage.

"But I did throw up on the craft table in first grade and tried to hide it." Lissa offers, placating Natalie's desperate look at being under the spotlight.

"How?" Natasha asks, looking fondly at my friend.

Lissa grins sheepishly, "I, uh, there was a big cut out with everyone's handprints, I moved it over the top."

"I remember that, Jesse cried when he found it." Natalie says, mirth sparkling in her eyes.

"I also remember being told this story by your mother, who had to have a talk with you about owning up to your actions." Victor inputs, warmly looking between them both. "This is what you both have to look forward to when you have your own children."

"I want three." Natalie says, sitting up straighter. "Two girls and a boy."

"Kill me." Spiridon says and Victor laughs. Ben says something about Spiridon being on daytime feeding duty and earns himself a death stare.

"I want two." Lissa says and something in me begins to sink or detach. "But not anytime soon, like late twenties. Maybe even early thirties."

"That's a bit late." Victor comments, putting down his espresso cup.

"I always liked the idea of two as well." Natasha adds, not that anyone asked. "One of each."

And then, so subtly she glances toward Dimitri.

"It's not late at all." Lissa says, her tone taking on that strained edge that warns she's close to arguing. "I'll be putting my degree to use, not just adding it to my CV of achievements for my dad to show potential suitors."

Victor considers her, "I see."

"I think marriage is the furthest thing from Christian's mind, at least a decade away, I'm sure." Natasha winks at Lissa, causing her to blush and my stomach to fold.

I put down my cutlery, appetite diminished and clenching my jaw to keep it shut.

"At least you have the option, Liss. I'd only be worried if you were twenty-three and known to be chronically single. God, could you imagine how people would talk about you?" Natalie says.

There's a silence in which I can lift my gaze to see my friend looking completely innocent as she sips her tea.

"Are you talking about me?" Spiridon asks, breaking the tension and Ben's deep laugh sounds.

I risk looking up to see Natasha glaring, Victor's face stern and – Dimitri watching me.

He looks away as soon as we make eye-contact.

---

Natalie's suite is double the size of mine. Her living area is plusher, more ornate and somehow scented with cedarwood and plum despite there being no candles or plug-ins. The space has a third couch, a chandelier looming overhead that umbrellas us, rubies dripping between the string of crystals. The rosewood fireplace has carvings of ivy and roses around the frame and in the crown centre above the crackling fire is the Ivashkov crest. I hadn't noticed it as much before but it's hiding everywhere, a reminder of who owns this sprawling place.

I type out a message to Adrian and then delete it. He hadn't answered my last two, he hadn't shown up to the party on Christmas night, and when I'd spotted him at a party, he'd said hi quickly but planted himself firmly at Andre's side which meant he was encircled by girls.

Maybe I'm being too needy...clingy.

But it wouldn't kill him to reply to me.

...

Maybe he regretted telling me so much at Lissa's but then…he acts like being able to be open with us means so much to him. Only to then turn around and ignore us when we're surrounded by other people.

Maybe he's embarrassed by me. This place in all its grandeur, his family's symbol embedded everywhere, a fortress of security and luxury to hundreds – it only demonstrates how far above he is. I know the Dragomir and Dashkov families had a lot of money, know that Victor owned a lot of businesses and properties (because Spiridon was responsible for making sure they were running properly which made him swear a lot) but the Ivashkov wealth seems so vast it's not comprehendible.

But then again, why would I be able to comprehend it? Even if I were normal it wasn't a Dhampir's business.

"I am trifled to the motherfucking gods."

I'm pulled out of my brain and away from the restless anger beginning to bubble, by Natalie's outraged tone. I exchange a look with Lissa, but she shrugs, indicating there wasn't an explanation I'd missed.

"I need…more information." I venture, taking a long, delicious sip of my mocha. Why had no one bothered to tell me sooner coffee could be good when blended with chocolate?

"Yep." Lissa says, lifting her drink and wincing. I'd found her a hot water bottle and told her to keep it tucked to her stomach, remembering the heat pack Dimitri had given me after my first training session.

Natalie huffs, rifling through the first rail of dresses that had been carted in and now free of their protective bags.

"I said no red, no green, no BOWS and yet – " She bats through each dress in distaste. "Ticking all those boxes."

"I don't mind wearing red if that helps." I say and receive a warning look from Lissa before Natalie rounds on me.

"That is not the point, Rose. Do you know how many people will be in red? Mia is in red – the fact she's coerced Aaron into taking her as his date is a whole other issue – but that's how basic it is. We. Are. Not. Basic. Bitches."

"Amen." Lissa murmurs and then gasps as she crosses her legs.

"Isn't Mia his girlfriend so I don't understand –"

Natalie cuts off my question, pulling out a slinky silver number for inspection. "The ball starts with the Royal waltz, with at least one couple representing their families. It's just…embarrassing he'll be opening the festivities with her, they aren't even that serious and this is a serious symbolic thing. It's making it cheap." Natalie sniffs and stuffs the dress back into line. "It's about celebrating the end of the year and ushering in the new one, bonds strengthened etc. So that's why daddy is escorting Rhea, Eric is dancing with Camille's mom – who god knows needs the support after the Guardian business."

I bite my lip and then look at Lissa when I say, "So when Adrian asked me, he wasn't being serious?"

Out of the corner of my eye I see Natalie's head jerk.

Lissa frowns, looking pained but that could be her physical state. "Uh, I don't know. Some of us, don't feel as passionately or the same as others." She casts a look at Natalie. "And this is just an excuse to dress up."

"It is an excuse to dress up! But like daddy reminded me at breakfast this is us bordering on being responsible for representing our lineage, we aren't kids anymore. This time next year I want to be looked at with respect and admiration just like –"

"That luncheon really went to your head."

Natalie's face becomes more determined, her pale skin flushing. "It made me realise how serious our roles are! We are Lady's and we will be our families' princesses at some point, and I would rather have commanded all the acclaim I can before it's needed." Lissa doesn't look the least bit convinced, and Natalie drops her gaze, unfastening the red velvet boxes of jewellery. "You're lucky to have your mom to help you. I can't let him down when all of this is literally his life's work."

Lissa's expression tenders but before she can say anything there's another rap at the door. Natalie opens it and two more rails are brought in, followed by two more Dhampir's carrying boxes under each arm.

I murmur a thanks to the staff as they walk out as Natalie starts unzipping the garment bags.

"Oh, yes!" She hisses in delight. "These are what I asked for. Lissa, you should take a Valium or a horse tranquillizer or something because five of these you need to try on."

"Just pick one for me."

Natalie's gleeful expression eclipses and I tense. She looks disturbingly like Victor as she levels a look at her friend.

"You know, you could try and take this the least bit seriously. Just because you're going to these classes doesn't mean you have to turn your nose up at everything else, acting like your now above traditions that mean something. Do you know how it makes your mom look? Don't you realise how it makes the rest of us feel, that you're looking down on us or something just because Natasha Ozera thinks she's better than –"

"Right, Natalie enough." Lissa snaps. "I do not think I'm better than everyone else. However, in light of the fact there was a massive raid this year, six communities attacked and countless other things we aren't told about - that a dance is a little vapid. I think the fact our friend is a rescued slave puts things in perspective – or at least it does for me. So, I'm sorry my priorities have shifted a little and I'm not overly concerned with what Mia Rinaldi, Robin Badica or Sofia Tarus are doing or what they're wearing or what donation they've made and how that makes them look. I want to do a little more than wear a label and sign a cheque."

"And you think that's all I'm going to amount to? A trophy wife with a chequebook married right out of or during college?"

"I never said that! But if my dad had his way that's all I would be because it's exactly what he wanted my mom to turn into and she did. I won't do that." Lissa takes a deep breath, her green eyes taking on that intense look they'd had during Dimitri's class. "At least Uncle Victor knows you can achieve things without a damn marriage being promised – he already trusts you to do some of his spy work for him when Spiridon can't."

Natalie reels back, looking like she's trying to decipher if there's an insult in the compliment or a compliment in the insult.

Lissa carries on before Natalie can decide what way to take it. "Adrian should take Rose. He should take her because they're friends and she's probably one of the very few he does have without there being conditions to it. If Nathan and my dad had their way, I would be going with Adrian – yeah, I heard them talking about it because apparently Christians family are a little too unconventional and it could hurt my reputation. Well, fuck that. And if…if being my friend is an embarrassment to you because I won't adhere to my Ladylike duty then…then maybe we should address that."

I'm not entirely sure how things have escalated or how I'm supposed to defuse it. So, I do what I'm good at and remain still, invisible and absorb what Lissa's said.

Then to everyone's surprise, Natalie bursts into tears.

Lissa's face slackens and seconds drag on where she doesn't say anything or move but then, she might not be able to do the latter easily. I uncurl from my position and go to my friend, not entirely sure where I fall in this argument but it doesn't matter. I couldn't watch her be upset.

"Natalie, I'm pretty sure I've heard you tell me before that crying gives you wrinkles and something about botox." I tell her gently, giving her a squeeze. I look to Lissa for help but she's unmoved. "You know the core of your arguments comes from loving each other so much, right? And I don't think a night wearing dresses is something to be fighting about."

"But it isn't just about that!" Natalie says, pushing me away. "Liss, you have Andre to shoulder some of this. It's just me and he expects so much, you know what he's trying to do and if I do one thing wrong it could ruin everything. He thinks I haven't told him things about Rose that could blindside him and I can't…I can't –" She hiccups and presses the heels of her palms into her eyes.

I take Natalie's shoulders and turn her to me. "Nat, I might not know or understand everything entirely, but I do know this, you are the most determined, vibrant, and socially resilient person I've ever met. Victor couldn't ask for a better daughter, you care so much about this stuff, and you do everything you can to make him proud. If he's giving you a hard time, then that's his problem. If he's making me one of those things to stress you out then that's still his problem and maybe mine, but not yours." I take a deep breath and her jade eyes shine. She looks so much younger right now, scared and my determination steels. "I don't tell you two things because I've been told not to, by him, and I don't tell him things because honestly, why should I? I will…always be grateful that he took me away from where I was - but it wasn't enough. But more importantly, I'll always be grateful to you, and Liss, because I wouldn't have gotten this far without you. You know that right?"

"Really?" She asks quietly, a fat tear sliding free and in my peripheral, I see Lissa struggle up from the couch.

"Yeah, really. Your confidence is infectious, and you encourage me to do what scares me. Also, I wouldn't know how to shave my legs without you."

She lets out a watery bubble of laughter and Lissa slides up next to us.

"I don't like fighting with you. I never do but you said you think I'm looking down on you? Nat, I feel like that's what you do whenever Rose, and I are talking about our classes. You sound so judgemental, whether you mean to or not, and you're so mean to Natasha. It makes it awkward for me and Uncle Victor, and you just talked about wanting to support him so - "

"Makes you feel awkward? She's so far up daddy's ass – that's awkward."

"Natasha has nothing to do with your friendship." I interrupt, my voice holding an edge. "So, leave her out of it."

"You don't like her either." Natalie mutters childishly.

I glance at Lissa, only feeling slightly apologetic when I say, "No, I don't." Lissa holds my gaze for a beat and I hope she can tell with her ability how much I mean it. "But that doesn't matter when it comes to us."

"Right." Natalie says. "Right. Sorry, Liss. I think I just let the stress short circuit my brain and I'm low on sugar."

Lissa inhales through her nose and takes her oldest friend's hand. "I'm sorry I made you feel like I don't appreciate the effort you put in or that I've come across as a 'social warrior snob'." She gives her a conspirator smile and Natalie laughs awkwardly. "And really, I asked you to pick my dress for me because I didn't want to get up. I feel like I've been beaten up and yano that muscle stiffness you get when you need to feed? I have it everywhere."

Natalie and I grimace for different reasons.

"That's...gross. Um, okay, I'll pick out the contenders for you, but you need to at least try them on for sizing."

Lissa groans and Natalie gives her a sharp poke that makes her hiss. Both of them start giggling and all is right again.

The dresses are not just dresses, they're gowns, they're extravagant pieces of art that we get to put on our bodies to depict a story. They make the one Natalie had worn to her party in the summer look modest and I remember how I'd thought it had looked like sun drops woven together, glimmering gold in a frothy skirt.

There are no gold gowns here and when I ask if it's because gold is a Christmas colour Natalie pauses in her inspection of the black gown she's wearing.

"Uh, no. Gold isn't a colour we wear to these things because it was the Royal colour, the monarchy's colour. The King or Queen would always wear gold and to do so that now, like – you'd need balls the size of mars. Wouldn't you say, Liss?"

"It would definitely be arrogant or... Rose, stop laughing at me."

I snicker. "Sorry." Lissa whimpers as she moves into the next stretch. "Hot bath later, with salts."

"What does it say about me that I kind of like the pain? I mean I don't but I like what it means."

"It means your need to branch out in your sex life."

"Natalie, not everything comes back to –"

"Yes, it does." Natalie sings, pushing her up and looking over her shoulder at her reflection. She'd rolled out the floor-length mirrors from her bedroom, three connected panels that could give her a round view of her outfit.

Lissa rolls her eyes at me and I bite my lip before a folded-down page in my book comes to mind. "Like spanking?"

Lissa loses her balance with a shriek and Natalie's laugh fills the room.

"Yeah, sure."

Natalie's reflection winks at me and it would have been concealed from Lissa if she hadn't pushed onto her haunches.

"What was that?" I look down at the midnight blue layers of my skirt and feel Lissa's eyes going between us both. "What am I missing? Nat, what have you done?"

"She might have given me some informative and interesting reading material." I pipe up in her defence and watch realization fall over Lissa's face.

"You gave her that sex dairy?" Lissa demands, wincing as she stands.

Natalie turns to face us from her podium looking delighted. "Would you rather she learned stuff from porn or Spiridon? Do you remember when he told us to google white dragon? Scarred Lissa, I am still scarred."

"Yeah but some of that stuff, especially later, is intense and –"

"I like it." I interrupt, heading off what could become another argument. "It's helped me understand a lot of things, things I didn't before."

Natalie throws up a triumphant hand. "See. And it's not like anyone taught us. That book is gold. I made Ralf and Camille read it too." Lissa looks like she wants to ask more questions but Natalie's still going. "You should show it to Christian, he's so mopey and tightly wound it might bring him out of his shell. Or is that a non-issue?"

Lissa flushes and my mood flatlines.

Natalie's eyes zero in. "Something to share with the class?"

Lissa huffs. "No, except that dress is hideous on Rose."

"Rose agrees." I say quickly, looking down at the waterfall of ruffles. "This makes me look..."

"Like a Christmas present. Not in a good way." Natalie says, drawing a box in the air between us. "Not flattering."

I gather up the material in my arms and go into the bedroom to change out of it and put on the dusky pink dress that clings to…everything.

Lissa's face says it all when I walk out.

"Oh, wow." Natalie comments, eyes running over me in a way that makes me want to cover myself. "That makes you look like the jealous maid of honour whose mission is to seduce the groom."

"And she would or…the bride could be persuaded." Lissa adds, currently draped in shimmering metallic silver where the back plunges dangerously low. "I think my dad would faint if I walked in wearing this."

"Yeah, I think that's a bit more than he would like to see." I agree, boldly.

"Christian would." Natalie quips.

My face screws up in disgust and even when Lissa's gaze snags on it, I can't school it.

"No to this one." She says decisively, pulling the silver bow at her neck as she strides into the bedroom.

"You're getting very…expressive." Natalie comments, unzipping the next bag. "What you said to Mark the other night left me speechless and that's pretty hard to do."

I shrug, reaching for the zipper at my waist. "Maybe I've been spending too much time with Spiridon or I'm tired of not saying what I've always been thinking."

Natalie flashes me a proud smile.

I try on three more dresses all of which are fine, well I think so, but Natalie seems to be getting more and more irritated. She'd selected hers and now they were fussing with some tulle around Lissa's shoulders because the gown she likes is 'missing something'. An older female Moroi sweeps into the room with a tape measure around her shoulders, glasses resting on the end of her nose and pins secured to her wrist. Natalie talks in a language that is English but just not in a format I can follow until she gestures to me.

"None of the choices are suitable. I specified her measurements, I even specified she has a Dhampir figure but everything that has been provided isn't close to being satisfying."

The Moroi glances at me. "And I, Lady Dashkov, made it very clear that I specialise in Royal formal attire, not…other."

"Other." I repeat as Natalie's face darkens.

The Moroi glances at me. "No disrespect, I only mean in terms of body type."

Lissa comes back into the room securing a robe, face pinched, as I say, "That must be very limiting for you."

"What's going on?" Lissa asks.

"I'm an 'other'." I supply. "The wrong body type."

"That is not –"

Natalie takes control of the situation which is probably a good thing seeing something in me is stirring for an argument and Lissa's face has become remarkably cold. Finally, the Moroi stalks out only to come back with another garment bag, she and Natalie still speaking in a language about measurements and silhouettes.

Natalie hands the bag to me and tells me to go try it on, then commandeers Lissa to the podium and grabs the tulle again.

I was bordering on being over this whole thing but when I unzip the bag, excitement fizzes in my stomach.

I undress and carefully remove the dress from its hanger, handling it as if it's made of the finest porcelain. Even under the soft lights, the crystals reflect on my skin as I step into the gown. It's a little tight around my chest and if my breasts hadn't spontaneously inflated with my last period it might have fitted right or been loose.

My fingers run down over the bodice and into the skirt, half-expecting to gain cuts from the embedded diamonds.

I don't dare to look in the mirror. I don't know why so instead I throw open the door and gently lift the front so I can walk.

"It needs to be more dramatic but not bridal. This is not a train but a cape. Lissa needs to command – "

Natalie's eyes pause on me in the doorway, Lissa's finding me in the mirror and the Moroi woman who'd been nodding along enthusiastically freezes.

"Oh my." The Moroi breathes, tilting her head down to peer over her glasses.

Natalie draws herself up higher and turns to the woman as a smile breaks out across Lissa's face.

"I think you need to reconsider your business model and I also think you'll be thanking us when your sales increase. Now, alterations still need to be made so take note."

"Apologies, I can't in good conscience go forward without saying this –" The woman says as I drop the skirt, feeling the weight of it sweep the floor. "But isn't that too extravagant? The controversy she'll cause –"

"It's a dress." Lissa says flatly.

"It's a statement." The Moroi woman returns, looking apprehensive in a way that makes me wish I hadn't put the stupid thing on.

"Exactly what we're going for." Natalie returns proudly. "And if you have other concerns, can you take them up with the 'Doamnelor comitet'. Vasilisa's mother, Rhea Dragomir, would be glad to hear your out."

"So would Daniella Ivashkov." The woman counters but then holds up her palms. "Regardless, I pride myself on delivering to client satisfaction and…any such inquiries will be addressed after the event. I will have to ask for compensation before completing the pieces – I have had a few contentious clients this year with specific requests."

"Who's been contentious? Is it Mia Rinaldi?" Natalie pounces, seemingly forgetting her superior stance and switching back to being an adolescent.

Lissa cuts around her. "We appreciate your time. We know making these changes last minute adds to your already busy schedule and we're absolutely going to compensate you."

The woman gives her the driest look. "I should think so. I won't sleep for the next three days."

The next few hours pass where we're all made to stand, be measured, be pinned and cinched into the material. I thought my dress was tight enough until the Moroi woman, after asking briskly 'may I?', abruptly pulled it tighter and the straps up. Every time I drew breath it accentuated my chest, something Natalie approved off with two thumbs up.

I still hadn't looked in the mirror. If I did and it was…a lot, then I might freak out and talk myself out of going to this thing.

Eventually, we're able to take the dresses off and the Moroi sweeps out just as dramatically as when she'd entered, only this time clicking her fingers at a timid girl who'd turned up as her assistant.

"That was exhausting." I mutter, flopping down onto the couch. "I didn't think it would take hours."

"That was Natalie being efficient. Last year – "

"Uh, you're bashing me again when I should be hearing 'Thank you, Natalie. I'm going to look like a goddess and have sacrifices made in my name because of you.'"

"What is it with you and sacrifices?"

"Because why accept the bare minimum – that's why. Take note, Rose. Anyway, let's order food and maybe do some yoga poses. We can try and de-cripple Lissa."

---

Natalie's finishing a bag of chips, having spectated most of the stretching, as I try to tackle Lissa's knotted shoulders.

"I hurt where I didn't know I could hurt." She complains.

My lips twitch. "Don't whine, keep drinking your water. It's getting better right?"

She grunts and I giggle, able to enjoy the smugness of being on the other side for once.

"That's why ten squats were enough for me, can't be worth it if it hurts that much." Natalie says, browsing through the movie selection. "I'll take up Pilates after the first baby…or throw money at the problem."

I somehow feel Lissa's snarky remark ready to leave her mouth so I give her a squeeze, making the air hiss out of her instead. Natalie's phone starts ringing.

"I thought you turned that off so no one could disrupt your project runaway mindset."

"Two numbers are the exception." She responds, snatching it from the table. "Hello? Yeah, we're in my room. No, well, I was going to meet Camille for dinner but…okay, yes okay. Okay." I crawl around to Lissa's side and reach for my soda. She rolls her shoulder murmuring thanks as we both try and gauge what's being said to Natalie. The fact she's listening and not talking a mile a minute says a lot. "Okay, bye daddy."

"What's happening?" I ask.

"We have to stay here until he and Ben come back. A Guardian's been reported missing, so a search party is going out on the grounds. Spiridon and Dimitri are joining it."

I go still.

"How could they go missing? In a place like this…that's odd." Lissa says.

Natalie shrugs and reaches for the menu under the table. "I don't know, maybe they called it quits and left for another post, paperwork got messed up or…they got too close to the boundary. Daddy said Ben's wards have held strong, so he's not concerned but he doesn't want us wandering around. Are you guys hungry?"

"Yeah, my appetites kicked up. But they have to be concerned if they're sending a search party out. That's serious."

"Mhm, he said only a few Guardians were going but we've heard about people walking out on their post because of money or because they don't think it's worth it anymore. They'd rather streamline or start a family. I think they're taking it more seriously because of all of us being here, yano?"

Not all the people. All the Royals – that's what she means.

"So, food?"

"Sure." Lissa says absentmindedly.

Icy anxiety crawls through my veins, swims through my stomach but I make my voice steady, force my shoulders to relax.

"If they were worried, they'd all be back already. Spiridon would be with Victor or here with you. It's fine." I say evenly, taking another mouthful of soda.

"Yeah, yeah. You're right." Lissa says and Natalie nods along, flipping through pages unconcerned.

For the next few hours, I pretend. I laugh when they laugh at the movie. I eat. I make sure I don't touch Lissa out of fear she'd feel what I'm feeling. I don't think the missing Guardians name, don't remember that mocking laugh or his chin dropping to his chest.

I think the same things I'd thought with Ben – that my friends don't really know who I am or who I'm becoming.

I don't know how I could look them both in the eye, explain what happened, and tell them I still don't regret anything. The fear I'm feeling is for Dimitri and Spiridon because if what happened to Stan is found out I know the consequences will land on them harder. I could bear it, I could own what had happened and I had so much less to lose and so much reason to justify him dying.

Ben and Victor return to his suite accompanied by Natasha and Ethan, who gives me a small smile before locking his mask back into place. Natalie and Lissa leave to meet Camille, escorted by Ben, and not making a fuss about me wanting to stay behind. Natasha and Victor are having dinner together and out of fear he'll invite me, I announce I don't feel well.

Back in my room I try to read, I practice writing, I think about showering but the faint smell of lavender on my skin is comforting and reminds me there are good things to cling to.

I doze off and jerk awake when someone clears their throat.

"You drool in your sleep."

I place a hand over my racing heart, my back pressing against the headboard having scrambled up the bed at the noise.

Spiridon perches at the end of the bed smirking at me. "You also react like a cat when startled. You should try to channel that in training."

"Why were you - just why?"

"I knocked but you didn't answer."

I stare at him, deciphering his clear expression. "No, you didn't"

"No, I didn't but this was fun." I roll my eyes and unlock my limbs, dragging in a deep breath. "I thought I should come and update you."

It takes me a second but the very thing sleep had let me escape looms over me again. "Natalie told us a Guardian was missing and you and Dimitri were part of a group looking for them. It was Stan, wasn't it?"

"Yes." He says simply. "And it was a three-hour goose chase but at least it was cardio." I just stare at him, my unease climbing until he sighs and draws his knee up onto the bed. "Nobody will find a trace of him. I dealt with it. I cleared out his locker – it looks like he fled his post. He did flee his post, understand?"

"Yes."

He assesses me, the barbed silver calculating but no longer something I cower away from.

"Good." He stands in one fluid moment and moves toward the door.

I scurry to the foot of the bed, questions tumbling and crashing into each other in my head, crumbling before fully formed.

Spiridon turns back to me, the light in the living room illuminating his tall silhouette. "You can handle this, can't you?"

Something akin to panic but not quite, rushes through me as I balance the weight of this lie, this truth, that death. But then I feel myself settle, harden and holding his gaze I answer.

"You wouldn't have let me stay if you thought I couldn't." Spiridon doesn't deny it, just continues watching and not knowing what he's thinking is maddening. "I can."

"Make that clear to Belikov, he worries." He manages to say it with a curl to his lip as if Dimitri's concern is worth contempt.

"Where is he?" I ask, thinking of him wandering around in the dark with red eyes watching.

"Oh, he's with his girlfriend. Natasha knows someone burned the down hellhole. She's being a bit clingy, to be expected I suppose when you learn some unknown culprit has a vendetta. And with fire too, how ironic."

I absorb that information like a push, rocking back on my haunches. Spiridon waits, watching, dissecting.

"I see." I say blankly. "She must be worried."

Spiridon nods. "Nothing Belikov can't appease."

I keep myself still but my palms itch, my fingers ache to curl.

Spiridon leans against the doorframe. "Also, I think you've lost your roommate, we're friends again. He either found a way to swallow his pride or sleeping on that couch was torture enough. Now he's sure you aren't tearing your hair out in misplaced guilt or scared to leave your room, there's no need to baby sit you."

I keep my face neutral, try to, so when he turns back there's nothing to see. "If I stay in my room, they win."

Spiridon tips his head toward me as I recall what he'd told me back in my bedroom.

He turns to leave when I blurt, "Do they know?"

He pauses, "Yes."

I lick my bottom lip. "And?"

"Not much to report. I think Lucas showed some remorse for the art they lost. His father's collection. Moira…"

"What?"

"She laughed."

---

Dimitri doesn't come to bed.

He doesn't text but neither do I.

I don't dream of Eddie. I don't dream at all. I do, however, wake up to loud knocking on my door. I stumble through the living room and wrench it open.

The bottom of Lissa's fist is poised by her head.

"What?" I snap, dazed and irritated.

"Oh, good morning to you too." I continue to peer at her and her lips twitch. "We have class. In fifteen minutes. With Dimitri."

It's like being doused in cold water. "Shit!"

We're late and any positive feeling I have at seeing him (standing proud and rigidly at the front), next to Zoey (arms folded and her hip jutted to the side), evaporates when he calls us out for not respecting the classes time.

"Yikes." Lissa whispers, following me to a free spot under the judgey looks of the Novices.

It takes all my concentration to listen and log every detail they explain, resisting the sweet call of my anger to be pissy. There's no warmup or brutal work-out routine, this class is about walking through weapon handling, defensive stances, footwork, blocks and how to always be mindful of not leaving your torso open when engaged.

I barely know anything about this, almost as lost as Lissa as we're all given sheathed blades and told twice to not remove the sturdy rubber covering. Dimitri calls out a sequence of moves to practice and the room breaks into motion with him weaving between to supervise.

Lissa and I look at each other, the weight of the weapon in my hand potent as the last time I held one begins to push in - the chill of those tunnels whispering over my neck.

"Rule number one." Zoey says, appearing at my elbow. "Is to look more confident than you feel. The expression you wear is your ally, it can make your opponent feel unsure. Now, widen your grip a little."

I roll my shoulders and follow her instruction. At first, it feels silly like when I'd first held the gun but our confidence grows under Zoey's supervision.

Dimitri sails by and doesn't acknowledge us.

Lissa's sword drops between her knees. "My arms are killing me."

"Take a minute." Zoey says, taking the weapon from her.

She turns toward me, drawing up both hands until they're level with her hips. Her expression shifts, sharpening, as she focuses on me.

"Put on your mask, Rose." She instructs softly.

I search for it, taking a deep breath and mirroring her posture. It slides into place: my jaw tensing, my chin tilting down as my gaze locks unflinchingly on her.

"Now move through it slowly, just like we practised."

We go through it and then Lissa, stepping forward resolutely and extending out her arms, makes it clear she wants to step back in. Zoey supervises, tells us to change the sequence and then moves away to another pair.

The rapid thuds are a taunting background, the Novices dancing through this with familiarity and skill, whilst Lissa and I navigate the basics.

A faint trickle of static heat creeps down my spine before a hand, light as air, takes my elbow.

"Keep this bent or impact will do more damage to you than them." Dimitri instructs and I force my gaze to remain on Lissa, mask still on.

His touch leaves.

"Lissa rotate your hold slightly to the left." Lissa does as she's told, a tremor in her thin arms. "Good."

After watching us run through three moves he nods and moves away.

The interaction doesn't dissipate anything I carried in with me if anything the dam I'm holding back groans dangerously.

Lissa straightness out of her stance, pursing her lips and there's a sheen to her pale skin. "This is pathetic, isn't it?"

"Yeah." I sigh, "But we have to start somewhere I guess."

"I don't…I don't think weapon stuff is for me. I'm glad I came, I am but I don't think I'm going to…do you know what I mean?"

"I do." I say mildly. Lissa wasn't going to be in a position where she needed to hold up a blade and acknowledging that just adds to the childish hue of the situation.

"You two look like you're in need of two amateur experts who are also bored and want your company."

I look over my shoulder at Mason, "How can you be an amateur and an expert?"

"Boys often think they're both." Lissa replies drily and Mason places a hand over his heart.

Logan shadows him, "Well, look at this way. Experts to you, amateurs to the ranking officials in the room."

I consider that. "Good point."

Logan takes a tentative step toward Lissa, "Never thought I'd see the day you'd be wielding a sword, Dragomir." Lissa's response is a tight smile and Logan shifts awkwardly. "We can help you with footwork."

She looks at me.

I shrug. "We need all the help we can get."

"This is all very wounding." Mason says as we move into a stance to face our new partners.

"I think Lissa is waiting on a real apology instead of acting like you're doing her a favour." I direct at Logan who scowls, before turning back to Mason. "But we appreciate the help."

Mason winks and begins showing me the sequence but how to push my opponent back, gaining their ground. To my surprise, Mason is a good teacher, not as cocky as I expected or maybe I'm more confident. Soon we're sparring in real-time and he's allowing me to move him across the room until we reach the other end, and we reverse it so I'm on the defensive.

By the end of the class, I feel almost satisfied but it's a hunger that will quickly come back.

I watch Lissa apply a series of blocks to Logan's jabs, fiercely concentrated even though she must be in agony. This kind of defence isn't what she wants to pursue but she's still putting her all into it. I catch Dimitri watching too and I wonder if he thinks we've done well and if there's any other advice he would have offered. If he'd avoided us because of what Victor said about Lissa training or if he's avoiding me.

Zoey claps and announces the end and that the 7 pm class with Guardian White is due to begin. It's for Novices only.

Mason and Logan take our neutralised weapons as the door opens and Ben comes in carrying a heavy bag. His broad frame takes up the doorway and because I'm pleased to see him I don't immediately see who's behind him.

"Why is she here?" Logan asks Lissa. "They just said strictly students."

"I don't know." She says defensively. "Is she not allowed to walk into rooms without your permission?"

I track Natasha until she's introducing herself to Zoey who only hesitates for a second before taking her hand. Dimitri is listening to whatever Ben is telling him in a low tone as they unpack…

Stakes.

"Sweet." Mason breathes and he and Logan move away to join two other boys.

"Guess we should go." Lissa says, "Would it be weird to go and say hi first or…"

I don't hear what she says because Natasha had gravitated over to Ben and Dimitri's private conversation, placed her hand on his arm and is asking him something. Whatever the answer is it makes her face light up and she throws her arms around his shoulders.

It's the strangest thing, to feel your stomach twisting and falling and all the while, my face remains composed. When Lissa starts walking, I follow.

Dimitri's hands curl around her thin arms and gently push her back, expression mild, mouth shaping words I can't hear but I notice how the Novices are reacting, raised eyebrows and smirks.

"I'll wait outside." I tell Lissa as she veers toward the group. "I need water."

On the gym floor, I fill a paper cup and concentrate on the cold water, how it achingly slides down my throat and pools in my empty stomach. My head and feelings are warring with each other, my blood sparking and crackling whilst I tell myself it shouldn't be.

But then it clicks.

I can be pissed about her walking into every room and belonging there, pressing up against him, charming Zoey and whoever else - and still keep my vow to be better by not acting on my feelings It's that simple and that hard.

I think about the pool, I think about everything that makes lying and pretending worth it.

Lissa flings open the door and comes toward me grinning.

"Karolina named the baby!" She says when she reaches me. "Dimitri's sister. She named her Zoya, that's why Natasha hugged him in front of everyone before she could think about it. Zoey made a joke about it being a good namesake."

I stare at her and Lissa's smile doesn't fade. "Zoya – it's the Russian equivalent of Zoey."

She thinks my silence is a lack of understanding.

I smile. "That's great. Hopefully he gets to meet her soon."

"That's what Natasha said! He should use what vacation days he's got left when we get home."

She loops her arm through mine, and I let her walk us toward the exit. "Do you want to go down to the village for breakfast?"

I hear myself sound enthusiastic but back in my room I sit on the bed and hug a pillow to my chest.

It's stupid and irrational.

She found out one thing before me, but I was there when he got the phone call from his grandmother – it doesn't matter.

Everyone in the class saw her hug him. Zoey asked him about them the other night.

I'm his home. He told his grandmother. It doesn't matter about the name.

He didn't come to me last night. He didn't explain Stan or her finding out about the estate.

There will be a reason why he couldn't. He's doing a job, following the contract – his life depends on it.

It doesn't matter.

A name matters, you know how much a name matters. It was the first thing you ever owned.

I crush the pillow to me and feel my fists through the thickness.

It does matter.

Forty minutes later when I'm grabbing everything to put in my purse I notice my phone has an unread message from the middle of the night.

'Viktoria called. Her name is Zoya.'

---

The village is like being inside my snowglobe or one of the Christmas movies where everything ends happily.

The snow drifts down on a gentle breeze, golden lights bathe the street and the wooden shops that look like gingerbread houses from far away are getting busy with the morning rush. Behind us Lissa's Guardian tails us, despite no matter where we look there are familiar statues garbed in black with hawklike eyes. They move in two's, shadows against the swirling white, and I can't remember if they always had or if it's a result of Stan going missing.

Lissa steers us toward a smaller chalet nestled between two larger ones. Inside it's heavily decorated in every shade of pink. Flowers are pinned to one wall that taunts me to touch it, another has a light that spells out 'Chloe's Corner' in looping letters and every chair is different to its neighbour, no two the same. The warm air smells like coffee and something sugary.

Natalie decides on the only table by the window and after we've placed our order, Lissa recaps the morning.

"Dhampir babies are the hot topic." Natalie says, sipping her latte.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

Natalie shrugs. "Well there's the whole 'Guardians are in short supply' thing, which is hard to believe when they're every where we look right now." Her gaze moves behind me to where Lissa's Guardian is poised by the door, opening and closing it for patrons. "Dimitri's baby – "

"Niece." I correct, slippery hot panic turning over in my stomach.

"And, Liss you were in the bathroom when she told me yesterday, but Camille said to me they're worried her sisters ran away because she's pregnant." There's a silence and then Nat looks at me. "Don't repeat that."

"Oh god." Lissa sighs. "That explains a few things my mom and dad have been whispering about."

"Why is it so terrible?" I ask.

Another pause in which Natalie takes a long drink, pointedly looking at Lissa to take this one.

"It's not that it's terrible." Lissa says tactfully. "It's that it's controversial and her sister was engaged, or about to be, to a Bardica, now their reputation on the up again."

At my puzzled look Natalie reminds me in a hushed voice that the last king was a Bardica.

"But what if they're in love? What?"

They'd shared another look, a silent communication that reminds me I'm further on the outside than I tend to remember.

"I hope they are in love. Make the mess worth it." Natalie says and smiles as our food arrives.

"Thank you." I murmur to the server who smiles warmly.

"The timing for it to all come out was the worst. Those women at the luncheon couldn't stop talking about it and it's because they're all gathered together it's, like, amplifying it, which is really horrible because I'm sure Camille and her mom heard."

Natalie is nodding along. "Daddy's trying to help them locate her."

I put down my knife and fork, my thoughts sliding out of my mouth. "So let me get this straight. Guardian numbers are a problem, but a Dhampir baby being born from a Moroi is a bigger problem? It should only be Dhampir women having babies?"

They're silent again, Natalie looking at the table but Lissa is looking at me.

"No, it's not as…it's not like that."

"Then what's it like?" I demand, my temper straining on its leash.

"Rose the circumstances around this make it bad."

"It's just so out of nowhere. Belle, Camille's sister, is so quiet and like, was her dad's pride and joy. It would be less shocking if it was Camille." Natalie explains as Lissa nods along. "And because she was set to be engaged, that royal wedding would have been symbolic of the families moving forward. But no, she out of nowhere, disappears and could be knocked up."

Disappears and could be knocked up.

I keep my face set. "But it would still be different if, say, Mason got you pregnant as opposed to Jesse getting me pregnant?"

"Why am I pregnant? Why not Lissa?"

"But it would be different?" I stress, looking between them both. "Wouldn't it?"

"Rose, of course it would be." Natalie says at a bit of a loss. "And not because of what we are but who we are."

I stare at her. "Because you're Royal."

"I don't think we're explaining this well - " Lissa tries.

"Yes." Natalie says simply, her jade gaze holding mine.

After a tense moment, I nod. It's not anything I didn't already know but I needed it confirmed.

I pick up my cutlery and eat my crepe, concentrating on the rich flavours of cheese and tomato. Without looking I know they're silently communicating

They didn't realise that they'd reassured me of something, the thing stored away in the back of my mind since yesterday morning when she'd glanced at Dimitri. Another thing in the pile of advantages she had to offer him that I couldn't – is something that wouldn't be accepted and would be a step too far for everyone. The romance element of their initiative was already hard to swallow and...

And they'd also reinforced my decision about the Ozera's.

How could I expect them to react how I needed - when it's different for Royals?

The silence extends until Natalie starts talking about their new apartment and after a beat, Lissa gives into the topic.

On our way out I grab three desserts for the boys: a stuffed cookie for Ben, a lemon slice for Spiridon and an espresso brownie for Dimitri. I pour my change into the tip jar and the lady behind the counter beams at me so earnestly that I look away.

I leave the boys' treats in Victor's suite with a note and because Lissa still feels tender, not helped by a second class, we decide against skiing and instead head to the snowmobile track.

Mason, Jesse and Ralf meet us there and while we're waiting for our slot Camille joins us. It's then I notice that she looks tired and she's quieter than usual, less...like Natalie. I make an effort to talk to her, complimenting her, and when there are gaps Natalie fills them – giving a dramatic account of the trouble she got into for the chandelier incident.

Which was Adrian's fault apparently.

The Moroi instructor explains the controls and noting the speed is capped. Lissa's Guardian asks how far away the track is from the ward perimeter, briefly dampening the excitement, but the Moroi reassures us we aren't close.

"Do you want to double up with me? For your first ride?" Mason asks as we strap on our safety gear.

I look to the big machine, a car without a roof, a promise to cut through the world faster than the wind.

A grin stretches my mouth, "No, I'm good."

"And he strikes out again." Jesse commentates in a carrying whisper and Ralf snorts.

I pretend not to hear as I wrestle on the helmet.

---

Again, I don't sleep well.

Not because of bad dreams or irrational fears of old tyrants walking the halls but because of my stomach containing fizzing anxiety as the minutes count down to the pool party. However, I do remember seeing my mother's disapproving face, her lips set in a tense line and her hazel eyes like chipped amber, so I must have slept at some point.

The conversation at breakfast moves around my head until Natalie kicks me under the table. Victor gives us both a talk about representing the family and not disgracing ourselves. I think about telling him to do the same but hold it in.

Ben asks Dimitri about his niece and eagerly takes his phone to look at the photos. Even Spiridon cranes his head in curiosity. Dimitri tries to catch my eye and I know it's an opportunity I should seize but I don't, keeping my attention firmly on Natalie.

I'm hyper-aware of the suit. I can feel the snug stretch of it across my chest, how it curves around my ass and the straps sitting firmly on my shoulders. As we walk down, I focus on Natalie's excited voice, remember that I'm with her and how people respond to her. She would never let me make a fool of myself, not by how I'm dressed anyway. I remember how Dimitri looked at me, reassured me and how after a while I forgot to be self-conscience.

Lissa meets us in the busy foyer where three halls branch off, one leading to the restaurants, the other to the mini-mall and the third to pool.

"Nervous?" Lissa asks, opting to be direct and I'm grateful.

"A little."

"With a body like that what is there to be nervous about?" Natalie says, fluffing her hair out for the seventieth time. I don't know why she'd bothered styling it for a 'beachy look' when it was literally about to get wet. She also had the barest hint of make-up on.

"I could fall out of it." I admit.

Three pairs of eyes drop to my chest which is concealed under my sweatshirt, Dimitri's sweatshirt. The ultimate armour as it drapes to my thighs. When Natalie asked me 'what sumo wrestler did you rob?' I told her it was Bens.

Lissa at least is wearing yoga pants like me and a cropped sweatshirt with her pale blonde hair in a high bun.

"Oh, boo-hoo." Natalie simpers and I knock her with my hip. "Ah, mean!"

"We'll be on boob patrol, don't worry." Lissa grins and I get caught between cringing and laughing.

"I think Mason and Jesse will be on that patrol too."

I stop walking at the same time Lissa groans, "Natalie."

"What? What? Oh, Rose. Stop being such a baby. You're not going to fall out of your suit, they're not that big. If they were, I would have found a subtle way to tell you to wear a wetsuit."

"Why would I wear a suit?"

"You know how to be subtle?"

"Be nice to me or I won't make you my famous velvet-tini's." Natalie sings, holding up her clinking canvas bag.

We turn into a shorter hall; the air is tinged with something like bleach but not and unlike a few nights ago there is a Moroi waiting behind a desk. Natalie skips up to the counter and hands over our names like money.

There are two doors, one has an icon depicting a man and the other a woman. Natalie sails through the second and we follow.

"We can leave at any point, Rose." Lissa says softly.

"I can leave." I correct, holding the

door open. "You two don't have to do anything. I won't ruin this for you."

Lissa opens her mouth to argue but I move away, eyes roving the huge room with benches, lockers and along the far wall private stalls. Natalie is currently stripping in the open, wiggling out of her jeans and not caring that there are three other girls in here. Then again, one of them is currently topless.

My suit is under my clothes so there's not really any point to privacy.

I undress, my confidence creeping up as I'm the most covered and Dimitri completely naked flashes through my mind.

"What's that smile? Excited?" Natalie prompts as we stuff our clothes into the lockers.

"Yeah." I admit, fastening the key to my wrist but I don't miss how they both seem relieved by the answer.

The other girls go through a door at the back, exhilarated yells and laughter slipping past them to the background of splashing water. Those sounds burrow under my skin and seem to pull me forward as I tail Natalie.

My stomach clenches and that bleachy smell gets stronger.

Natalie throws the door open to the party.

---

S/O to Maddy for her notes on this chapter!

Notes:

- This chapter has been halved, so you have 15.6k words here and the rest (8-12k) will follow within the next few days.
- "I am trifled to the motherfucking gods." - Direct quote from Jada, thank you so much for that one. 🙌
- Chloes Corner is based on a cafe in Prague named 'Chloes Cafe' - very pink.
- Camille's sister running away with a Guardian was mentioned previously and is something Rose was sick of hearing about. Just another way to showcase the polarising ideologies.

I hope you've all missed Adrian.

Translations

"Kogda?" - When?

"YA nikogda ne khotel tebya razocharovyvat'."- I never meant to disappoint you

"U menya yest'. Ona moy dom...I ya starayus' byt' dostoynym yeye." - I have. She is my home – and I try to be worthy of her. (This needs amended, my fault. Maddy did give me guidance. Rose is not a literal house)

"Spasibo za zvonok." - Thank you for calling