RPOV

The pool is huge. Long, and rectangular, with water pouring out of the wall at the far end and blurring the people behind it. On the other side, there's a slide and a familiar red-headed boy is currently standing atop of it, shouting to his audience below. Music is playing, echoing, through the room from somewhere.

Lissa touches my hip and urges me after Natalie.

Along the left side of the room are beds and above them glowing orange heaters which I imagine will feel great on damp skin. Ralf and Jesse are occupying one bed with a girl I don't recognize, her bikini is even tinier than Natalie's. Jesse and Ralf are in shorts, their pale lean torsos on display but nobody seems to be locked onto this, or anybody's nudity, at all.

Because they're not nude, I remind myself.

Ralf clocks Natalie and his expression prepares me for what he does next, which is to pick her up so they can become tangled together.

"Get a room!" Jesse parrots, flicking his bottle at them so they get sprayed.

"Says you." I quip bravely, nodding to the girl on his lap. She doesn't notice, engrossed with the various drinks on the table.

Jesse smiles. "At least I'm keeping it to the bed."

"Because that's different." Lissa says drily, unshouldering her bag and tugging at one of Natalie's arms that's around Ralf's neck. Their faces will fuse together one day.

"Keeping it to the bed is so mundane." Natalie says, her face flushed.

What the hell had I been worried about? I witnessed this display on a regular basis and looking around I'm basically the most covered-up person here.

Ralf puts Natalie down and she unpacks her bag - the bulk of it being tequila. There's a rose-flavoured one that tastes like a strawberry milkshake that I am very fond of, as alcohol goes. She sets about making cocktails and Mason swims up to the edge of the pool and asks Ralf to give him a handout.

The idiot falls for it.

"Rose?" Mason asks innocently. "Wanna put your 90s lifeguard look to good use?"

"That's what it reminds me of!" Jesse declares and Natalie winks at me.

Mason grins up at me as Ralf heaves himself out of the pool cursing him.

"It's a bit embarrassing you need a hand, isn't it?" I reply sweetly.

"He just wants to get you wet." Jesse says and there's a slapping noise. "Ow! I didn't even mean –"

"Maybe I do just want to pull you in." Mason says, "I've been waiting for someone fun to get here."

"Aw, little Mase-man needs someone to play with." Ralf coos, taking a beer from Jesse.

"Exactly." Mason says, undeterred. "Come play with me."

"The net isn't even up yet." Lissa says, in a thin attempt to move on.

"Drinks first!" Natalie announces, proffering a triangular plastic glass to me. "Velvet-tini."

I take it and perch on the end of the bed. Lissa sits down beside me, her long pearly legs a contrast to mine. There was a time they were similar in size but where it made Lissa look lithe and graceful, I looked ill. I suppose I was. Now there's a degree of muscle in my tan thigh, attested to by the sharp line down the side.

I take a sip of my frothy drink and whip my head toward Natalie. "It tastes like cake!"

Jesse makes a grabby motion at me, and I pass it to him. Mason gets out of the pool, giving up on trying to lure me in and takes a beer from Ralf, who smacks a button on the wall that causes the heater to come back to life and bathe us in a toasty glow.

Halfway through my second drink, I notice how many more people have arrived. Camille joins our bed with another girl, Logan comes in with Stefan and Mark – racing forward and launching themselves into the water. Andre arrives leading a crowd with Adrian, who's wearing a stupid pair of sunglasses even though we're inside and trailing behind them on their own… is Christian.

Lissa lights up and adjusts the sheer white jacket she has on.

"I'm getting in now." I announce to nobody in particular and drain the rest of my drink.

"Same, I feel like I'm frying under this thing." Jesse says, getting up with me.

I hadn't thought about him being here. I hadn't thought about anything past this stupid suit. At parties, the ones he'd turned up to, he'd kept his distance or the group was big enough he wasn't near me, or I could easily remove myself. A game of rotation just like Thanksgiving.

I can feel the alcohol slipping through my veins, simultaneously soothing my anxiety but flaring my indignation.

Jesse's arm slips around my shoulders and that earthy smell mixed with cologne greets me. "Are we sliding into this thing then?"

"I am."

I grip his wrist and propel him into the pool.

I love the water. I love swimming. I love it even though it isn't as nice as the pool Dimitri snuck me away to. I love that he taught me how to do this and encouraged me to push past the uncomfortable for the experience. I cling to that when it hits me that I haven't spoken to him properly in days… and I miss him.

It doesn't help to know who he's been ordered to spend time around, so I let the last time we were us inflate in my brain and suppress the ugly stuff.

It's weird because I wish he were here but at the same time, I don't. He wouldn't fit in and for the first time, I'm acutely aware of those things he'd said to me on the couch when talking about considerations - about me experiencing things with my friends.

"Coming through! Move out of the way or get on."

I bounce on my tiptoes out of Andre's path as he floats by on a blue raft with a girl.

"Rose! Game on." Logan calls from across the pool where a Net stretches out. "Three aside."

I score us two goals, the second securing my team winning the round and Mason lifts me onto his shoulder – or tries to but I topple into the water, and it closes over my head.

I like that feeling.

I bow out of the next game, ignoring my team's protests, and give my place to Camille. I pull myself up onto the ledge to sit beside Natalie who hands me a drink and I take a minute to absorb everything. The music's louder, more people are in the water and a boy takes a running jump onto Andre's inflatable float, capsizing everyone on it.

At the other end of the pool, Lissa and Christian disappear behind the waterfall.

"I think she loves him." Natalie sighs, her cheeks kissed by her drink.

I take a deep gulp and suppress the urge to cough. The cake flavour isn't masking the alcohol this time, it's as sharp as it is sweet. Natalie's measurements tended to go skewy and for the first time, I'm happy about it.

"She doesn't know him," I say, heat brushing across my damp shoulders from the lamps behind us. "She can't, it hasn't been long enough."

Natalie's head tilts toward me, opening her mouth to likely tell me something that will make this creature inside me rear up and explode, but then she shrieks when Ralf grabs her shoulders and feigns pushing her in.

I get up and stalk off, no group to join, no person to go to, so I end up at the table laden with drinks and snacks. There's more tequila at least.

"Forswear it, sight, For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.", I keep my eyes on the liquid hitting the glass. "Your relationship with Shakespeare hasn't manifested since Estonia then?"

I set the bottle down and take my shot. It's still like drinking window cleaner, nothing like the pink one.

"Why are you ignoring me? It would be hurtful under normal circumstances but when you look like that… it's just cruel."

Finally, I fix Adrian a look.

His sunglasses are poised low on his nose, green eyes glinting at me and he's wearing a red silk robe that makes his hair seem more bronze than usual.

"I'm ignoring you?" A cigarette twirls between his fingers and cocks his head. "This is the first time you've spoken to me in two weeks."

He frowns. "I've seen you."

I roll my eyes. "And kept to the other side of the room. You've ignored my texts – and you know what, I don't like being this person who sounds like they're begging for your attention because I'm not. I don't need it and I don't need you talking to me when you need something–"

"Okay, okay. Slow down." He orders and I do because I'm bordering on embarrassing myself.

I pour another shot for something to do and then Jesse appears to snatch the bottle. Wordlessly Adrian and I follow him back toward the group.

"Rose, I haven't meant to ignore you. I've been dealing with a lot." Adrian says quietly, casting a glance over my head as a loud toast is made.

"Yeah? So, have I."

"And you've been with people. We're not…I mean, I like to think that we're…"

"What?" I snap

His green eyes flash, my mood rubbing off on him or his irritation answering. "Friends. Which means I'd end up offloading on to you which isn't fair. I'm aware this place is a new experience for you, and I don't want to taint it."

He pulls out his lighter and puts his cigarette between his lips. I'm not exactly sure he should be smoking in an enclosed space without windows but then again, he owns the whole damn place.

"You've avoided me because we're friends? Great." I laugh bitterly.

I sit down and look for an opportunity to join another conversation. Maybe I could just do a lap around the pool but there are a lot more people in there now…some fused together, and the games have stopped.

The last time I saw Adrian I'd been a different person. Zmey hadn't blown the truth of my life open and left me raw.

"And I haven't been having that much fun, actually." I admit for the first time. "This place reminds me of…" Laughter erupts from behind me from Jesse, Natalie and Ralf, other people gathered around them. "It reminds me I don't fit in."

"Don't compete where you don't compare." Adrian says as the excited yells echo around the room. I watch him take a long draw, the cigarette shortening in a cindering retreat until he exhales spiced smoke. "And you don't compare here, little Dhampir. Luckily for you."

"Thanks for pointing out the obvious."

"But yet, you're unaware of that being a good thing."

My anger slithers away, revelling where it sparked from, and I'm left with that spare part feeling. It gets worse when I spot Lissa climbing out of the pool with Christian. He shouldn't be able to see that much skin, he didn't deserve to be anywhere near her.

Natalie's words echo through my head until Adrian sits down beside me, blocking off my view. I pull on Lissa's coverup.

"It is, Rose. All of this... makes it almost impossible to be ready or aware of the real world. This is like being high or never being sober, and then you witness a consequence of your good time and…well the highs never the same again."

There's a beat of silence.

"What does that mean?"

He leans back, looking down dramatically at me. "Oh, are we friends again?"

I roll my eyes. "I made you a promise, I might change it to a threat, but sure."

Lissa and Christian are getting out of the water, and I force myself to ignore the instinct to flee.

"I apologise." Adrian says, his hand touching mine, lightly like he's not sure he should be. "I didn't mean to make you think I didn't want to be seen with you. Have you looked in the mirror lately? I feel honoured to be this close to - "

"Okay, shut up."

"I am sorry." His fingers press more firmly. "Really."

Christian's arm slips around Lissa's shoulders and hers around his waist as the entire group greets them. Accepting them.

I rotate my wrist and squeeze Adrian's hand, probably tighter than I should. I inhale before turning back to him. "I forgive you and I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have snapped at you."

"I'm used to being snapped at, nothing I can't handle." He says but the bravado is forced and for the first time I notice the red rimming his eyes. "Especially by pretty girls I've wronged and sometimes they're wearing a lot less. Have I told you, in the least perverse way possible, how amazing you look?"

I try not to grin. "Natalie picked it."

"Not what I was complimenting although I am a fan of nylon. It's a very versatile fabric."

"Your…robes pretty too."

Adrian chuckles, "My kimono is, and we match. I hope people think that's intentional. I've heard you been getting a lot of attention."

I tug the hem of Lissa's coverup at my thigh. I had been getting attention, propositions as Natalie liked to call them, but I didn't overly like it. I thought people were talking to me to talk to me but then the banter would shift and show their interest and I'd back away. I heard someone call me a tease which annoyed me because I wasn't teasing anything, I was talking.

"What did you hear?"

Adrian smirks and starts making two drinks. One he fills half the solo cup with liquor and the other he splashes in a third. It's probably too much but the voices behind me make me less inclined to care.

"This and that. 'This' that was complimentary and 'that' which brought out Andre's big brother side." He laughs quietly, passing me my drink. "It's funny watching him go from golden womanizer to imposing threats on those who are no worse than he is."

"What about Andre?" Lissa says from behind me, having crawled to the centre to be between everyone.

Christian is sitting on the end and rubbing her ankle as he listens to Jesse's impersonation of some president.

I imagine launching my cup at the back of his head.

Adrian repositions himself and tugs me to his side. "He told some guys who were admiring Rose, to stay away from her. It was rather cute."

Simultaneously we all look at Andre in the water with a different girl wrapped around him.

"What guys?" Mason asks from the other side.

"He's so gross." Lissa grimaces. "But I suppose it takes one to know one."

"Why?" Adrian directs at Mason with a knowing look, and I nip his leg.

"No, I'm not telling!" Natalie declares. "You'll just have to wait and see but no offence, to anyone, but no one is going to be on our level."

"Gee, thanks Nat." Camille says.

"Sorry babe, you should have asked if you wanted to look like you were attending the Met."

I take a steady, burning drink as Camille's eyes flit to Adrian and me. She tosses her caramel hair over her shoulder. "Who are you going with Adrian? Or are you flying solo like Andre."

"Trying to trade me in, Cami?" Jesse asks affronted.

"Never." She replies, blowing a kiss and then turns back to Adrian. "I heard you were taking Vanessa Lazar."

"Am I?" Adrian asks amused.

"That's what your mom told mine." Adrian's expression disintegrates. "And that things seem promising between you both."

"Well, it must be true then." Adrian says coolly before taking a long drink.

Lissa and I catch each other's eye.

Jesse pours more shots and I make a mental note to drink water but then Adrian's telling stories that make me laugh and that note flutters away. Andre joins our party, expanding it, and I forget for a while that outsiderness because I'm firmly on the inside. If people aren't in the pool, they're vying to be included in this group, claiming even the smallest sport to perch on. Adrian puts his arm around my waist to help me stay balanced on the edge.

After a while, I begin to miss the feeling of the water and try to ask Lissa if she wants to get back in, but I end up broadcasting the invitation.

Alcohol ruins volume control.

Mason agrees, springing up, and Adrian gives me a look.

"You might want to put a pin in that."

"I'll put a pin in you." I threaten.

He leans right up to my ear. "Oh, I love it when you get feisty."

I shove away from him, laughing, and stand, nearly toppling over into Andre who grabs my hand to steady me.

"I'm good. I'm good." I wave off, scooting past bags and legs.

"Just another girl falling for me." He preens.

"You wish." I say over my shoulder. "I know you wet yourself on a stage."

He sits forward, perplexed. "I did what?"

I skip to the pool's edge, leaving Natalie and Lissa trying to explain through their hysterics, only to be tackled by Mason and Logan. The water closes over my head, the music and voices muffled, and I swim until my lungs demand I come up. I end up near the waterfall and paddle behind it.

"It's cool right?" Mason asks, rounding the heavy sheet of water that hides us from everyone.

I nod. "This has been a great party. I wasn't sure it would be…" He's come closer and Adrian's words ring in my head. "You're going tomorrow, right?"

"Oh yeah, we're all gonna hang out at the bar until dinners over and then we get to join in. Last year the tarot reader told me I was going to fall in love with a blonde."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I think she'd had enough of us though and meant Jesse."

"You would be a good-looking couple."

"I prefer brunettes." He grins. His hair's darkened to fall leaves and the tan starbursts across his face are more pronounced. It reminds me of my mother. "Which is an easy way to ask if – "

A ball slices through the waterfall, very narrowly missing my face. Logan's guffaw can be heard behind it.

"C'mon! Let's get him back." I babble, swimming out and away from his disappointed face.

Stupid Adrian being right.

Stupid boys and their talking leading to things that aren't just simply talking. Mason is my friend, why couldn't he just want to stay my friend?

I know it's something I've narrowly avoided, that he'll bring up again, and I was just going to have to be bluntly honest.

Because despite how much fun flirting is, that verbal volleyball, there's no one else I like playing it with more than Dimitri. There's no one else I hope it leads somewhere else with.

And tomorrow we'll make time. Tomorrow I'll be in an amazing dress and Dimitri will be in the same room, and I'll be trying to catch him looking at me because he will be looking at me. It doesn't matter I have to sit alone at the beginning, that my presence is an extended courtesy of Dashkov kindness, and it doesn't matter we haven't had time alone in days because – we'd prepared for that, for considerations, for protecting us.

It won't matter because we'll sneak away and be reminded that it's all worth it.

I get out of the pool when a group of girls start flinging their drinks at each other and Mark stops one by kissing her. Camille has gravitated to sit by Adrian, who's smiling but his posture is rigid. He catches my eye and passes me the towel hanging behind him. It's toasty and I wrap it around my waist, sitting down next to Andre and realizing too late I'd planted myself in something.

"But you can't be surprised about what's said about it, can you? That's my point. Whether it's true or not." Andre says.

"Exactly." Camille agrees.

Lissa is staring daggers at her brother, her face saying a thousand things.

"Drop it." Lissa orders.

"What are we talking about?" Natalie interjects loudly.

Ralf waves the flat of his hand under his chin at Andre.

"When are we ever not talking about it." Adrian mutters, having lost his cup and swigging straight from the bottle.

Andre is undeterred. "Natasha Ozera and your Guardian."

Natalie rolls her eyes. "Nothing is happening."

"Except they're going to the ball together." Andre drops.

There's a beat of silence where no one hears the small crack in my chest, a small chip pinging away.

Then Camille, Natalie, and Lissa shout, "WHAT?"

"Jesus fucking chrissst." Jesse exclaims, having spilt his drink down his front.

Adrian starts laughing. "My dad is going to lose his mind." His head rolls toward Camille. "He's going to lose his mind."

"How do you know?" Natalie demands, crawling closer and not caring she's knocking things over.

Lissa whips around. "Christian!"

He breaks away from a group of boys as Andre says, "It's not a secret. Natasha's told people."

I rub a hand over my chest as Lissa relays the information and I snatch the tequila from Andre. He barely glances at me.

"Yes, he asked her." Christian confirms from above. "It's to make a statement to the rest of the Coalition about working together into the New Year and…some other metaphorically things. Why?"

"Oh my god." Camille says and then makes an unattractive snorting noise, "She's…she's having a Guardian escort her? She's having her escort, escort her?"

My stomach is burning like acid, like every drop of alcohol is simmering but I take another drink.

"Careful, Camille." Christian says coolly. "You know what they say about stones and glass houses."

"And we come right back to my point of – you can't blame people for assuming what they do when they pull this shit." Andre says happily, reclining back on his elbows. "And I think they're banging, I'd put money on it."

"Andre." Lissa seethes. "Shut that hole in your face."

Her brother smirks and I notice then Christian's face has closed off and he looks like…he looks like…

"You don't want to trade family insults with me." Camille fires back at Christian. "I think I have a bit more to work with."

"Guys." Jesse cautions. "Stop it."

"How far along is Belle?" Christian asks cooly.

Camille's face falls and then every voice clamours together trying to placate, diffuse or fuel the fire. My head is light like I've been hit, and I have enough presence to snatch up my bag as I walk away, bumping hard into Christian's shoulder as I do.

The contact makes my skin crawl.

I grab my stuff from the locker, pulling my clothes on over my damp suit. Pulling on his hoodie and forcing myself to breathe slow and deep.

I tear through my bag looking for my phone because it might stop what's happening, if he messaged me to explain – if I was supposed to know first.

Just like with Zoya.

I have one message. From Ben. Telling me to have fun and if we drink too much to call him so he can come walk us back.

I stuff my phone and everything else back into my bag and stand, swaying into the lockers. Loud voices come in, laughing, circling my head.

Enough. I've had enough.

I don't remember walking the halls or hitting the elevator buttons. I don't remember putting in my key card until I'm standing in my room and my bag thuds to the floor.

He asked her.

Victor will be behind it.

To make a statement about working together

Exactly – agenda.

But when did he ask her? Was it today or yesterday? Was I with my friends or buying them desserts when he asked her to go to a ball with him? To dance with her whilst she's in a dress, with everyone watching – the Royal Waltz. And I was going to have to sit there and watch it, listening to all the things people were assuming. What they would bet money on.

I sway again and then I'm cutting across the room to splash cold water on my face, drinking it straight from the tap to centre myself. I wipe my dripping chin with my sleeve, remember it's his hoodie and pull it over my head, chucking it aside. I don't know why I can't have it on me right now.

A knock sounds on my door and I almost run across the room. I wrench it open to find Adrian in the same silk kimono, swim shorts and sunglasses back on.

The air goes out of me at the bizarre sight, "Did you walk here like that?"

His chin dips so he can peer at me over his glasses. "Did you?"

I look down at my swimsuit and yoga pants.

"It would explain the trail of dazed bodies I had to step over. As if something captivated them and –"

"Adrian."

The act slips, "I wanted to see if you were alright. You didn't come back from the bathroom and your friends were still fighting. You know I bow out when people raise their voices."

Come to think of it he did. Every time.

"Is that to do with your um, hypersensitivity?"

He looks surprised by the question. That I'd remembered. "Partly. Listen, can I come in? It's cold and I did walk here and have people faint when they saw me. I've probably been reported by now."

Despite everything my lips twitch and then I hear another door opening.

"Lord Ivashkov?"

I lean forward to see Spiridon in the hall. His grey eyes move between us, his expression becoming more judgemental by the second.

Adrian gives a little wave. "Hello, Adonis."

"Spiridon." I correct. Where the hell did he get Adonis from? Why can he never remember their names?

Adrian smirks at me. "So, after party? Or do I have to retrace my steps looking like this?"

My first reaction is that I want to be alone but then I think about it and step aside.

"Rose –" Spiridon starts but I slam the door.

"I think." Adrian holds up a finger. "You just instigated gossip."

"I don't care. Victor wanted me to use our friendship to get him what he wants, right? Let them believe that's what I'm doing." Adrian pushes his glasses on top of his head to look at me properly as I exhale, my whole body bowing to it. "They're all…it's…I've had enough."

He studies me for a few more moments.

"I feel the same way. I'm sick of this whole damn place and most of the people in it." He scans the room, finding the minibar. "Let's drink."

I leave him to it whilst I change into much more comfortable clothes. I put my responsible cap on to drink a bottle of water before taking it off to take the drink that he's made, which is shockingly light and coconutty.

We sit in silence for what could be ten or twenty minutes before I speak. "Why are you sick of it here?"

He extends his legs, crossing them at the ankles. "Why are you?"

"Moroi mostly."

He throws his head back and laughs and it pulls a begrudging smile from me.

"Same, little Dhampir, same." He exhales heavily. "I… I don't fit into the mould I'm supposed to. It's gotten worse since I've stopped trying. I'm sure you have an impression of my father. He makes it very clear when he'd disappointed, doesn't tire of using the word."

He takes a deep drink and it's obvious not to push for more details. I don't think I need them anyway.

"So, what are you doing about it?" I ask after a moment.

A small, cunning grin plays around his lips. "Embezzle."

"What?"

"I'm stealing his money. Well, I'm taking what's mine since I got cut off from my trust and privileges revoked in all various ways. Like protection, I haven't had a Guardian in quite some time."

"But…why?"

"A list of offences. But all of this, this place, this title, this duty – I don't want it. I don't want to be Lord Ivashkov, never mind Prince Ivashkov. I don't want this life. I don't want their legacy. That girl was right downstairs, I am supposed to take Vanessa to the ball tomorrow and then I'm supposed to find an appropriate moment to propose to her. I've spoken to her twice and I'm pretty sure the second time I was in the middle of something with her mother."

"What is it with you and mothers?" I mutter, dissecting the rest of the information.

"And brothers…and sisters…aunts sometimes. Never had an uncle, that I know of."

I make a disgusted sound and we both laugh again. Somehow, despite the state of everything and what we're discussing, I can laugh. It's like I've reached the ceiling of how much stress I can hold onto and now I'm numb to it.

"How are you stealing it?"

"Adonis told me how. I still don't understand who the AEI are, but I understood two things, Cayman islands and trusts. My father hasn't noticed and I haven't been arrested yet so I'm feeling positive." He leans forward and raps the table.

I ignore that and stay on topic, "Spiridon is helping you steal money?"

"Not exactly. He explained how to hide money which I suppose was an indirect way of telling me that's what he does for Victor but we shouldn't hold it against him. He wasn't exactly recovered yet."

"Recovered from what?"

"Being fed on."

I jerk and my drink sloshes over my hand. "What?"

He looks uncharacteristically grim-faced, looking ahead at nothing. "A few days ago I found him staggering around after I escaped – never mind. I got him up to my suite and called for…assistance. It was bad."

"Spiridon got fed on." I repeat numbly.

But then the ceiling breaks and I hurl my glass at the far wall.

Adrian doesn't flinch, doesn't react at all, only stares at the splattered drops marring the surface.

"Fucking Moroi. It was bad? I'm sure it was because nothing ever good happens when…when that happens."

My whole body shudders with fury, cracking energy that yearns to take action.

Adrian's gaze finally moves from the wall. "I got the impression that it wasn't his choice to be there. That it was ordered."

Contracts.
Orders.
Agendas.

By any means necessary.

"There's nothing he won't make them do."

My fingernails bite into my palms and I focus on that feeling because if I don't trust myself to move. Storming down the hall and battering on Victor's door is too appealing, tempting...but so reckless.

Vaguely I register Adrian's moved and a few moments later something cold nudges my hand.

"Don't throw this one, please." Adrian says softly.

It takes me a moment to make my hand comply but eventually I take the glass from him.

"Sorry." I murmur and take a drink, glad of the stronger substance.

"You don't have to apologise to me. There's a rumour I pull down forty-thousand-dollar chandeliers for the hell of it."

I watch Adrian pick up the broken pieces of glass and then put a throw over the area where little shards could be hiding in the carpet.

"My mom got taken away." I say quietly when he's sat back down. "To a facility somewhere. I called her, she's…she doesn't like who I am, becoming. I don't even know who that is but it's someone she won't like. And that's hard. Then I'm here and I'm reminded all the time that I don't fit in, not because I was a slave but because I am a Dhampir too. And it doesn't matter if I reach the highest point of being a respected Guardian because they still get called whores and tossed out by Moroi. They still get fed on. But I won't even reach that point because I don't want to be a Guardian so where does that leave me? Natalie and Lissa are going to college, and I'll be left behind. They got…given a house. Just given it. I can't even hold how much a house costs in my head, but Moroi can collect them and give them away."

I stare at the water ring on the coffee table that had to have been left by Natalie.

Adrian sits down beside me.

"It's going to be okay." I scoff and his hand takes my shoulder, "It is. You're going to figure it out, we're both going to figure it out. Likely not tonight, probably not tomorrow, but we will."

I run a hand over my tatted hair that smells of pool bleach. "How do you know that?"

"We don't really have a choice. It's do that or go back to being blind to everything, doing what we're told and I don't think we can."

I search his features for some hint he's lying to me or himself. "Do you mean it? You don't want to be royal anymore?"

He's thoughtful, "If I hadn't disappeared to Greece this summer and had my loving father come drag me from a quint little villa in Corfu, I wouldn't have been with him to see what happened in Estonia. He was so preoccupied with guessing Victor's political game that he didn't see any of it. All that pain. I couldn't forget it and I can admit I tried to but I…can't. And you, I couldn't pretend to myself that I didn't know the truth about you, so…."

"The high isn't the same anymore?" I repeat quietly.

He nods, exhaling. "And I'm all about finding a new one."

I rinse the chemical smell from my skin, lather my hair until it's silky again and the tension ebbs slowly out of my body. My brain tries to seduce me into thinking, but I hold firm against it. I was not going to spend any more time tonight acting out of anger or being gripped by things I cannot control.

I change into my pyjamas and in the living room, Adrian's turned on music.

"How do you work this thing?" He demands, from the thermostat.

"You don't know how to work things in your own…house? Place? Palace?" He gives me a look and I snigger, pushing him out of the way to turn up the heat.

"You better have left me a fresh towel. Natalie buys your products, right? Okay, good."

I'd finally given him his Christmas present. The gift bag lies overturned on the table, scarf spilling out of it and the colouring book spread open. The second gift is a joke, like Spiridon's hair gel, because he said he liked the art classes at his college.

I'm flipping through potential movie options when a determined knock sounds. I take another gulp of my drink, imagining Spiridon's patience has frayed or Victor's sent him. And after knowing what I know now…I needed help not to flip.

A reminder being when I have to skirt around the blanketed area of the floor.

For the first time, I wish it were Spiridon.

Dimitri's dark gaze holds me, eyes I hadn't looked into for days, and the knowledge of that lands heavily on my chest.

His expression doesn't betray anything and that beckons to my anger that I was trying desperately to keep under control.

"Roza." He says quietly and my heart twists because it sounds so full of longing. He searches my face, "Can I come in?" I don't respond and finally, something flickers in his expression. "Please. There's a lot we have to discuss."

"No." I say flatly and let it hang between us for a moment. I hope it stings – I hope it really stings. "I have company so it's not a good time for me."

His eyes flick past me and I look over my shoulder. Adrian's left his cigarettes on the coffee table, his glass, a bottle of liquor, and the gift bag. When I turn back and see the tightness in his jaw. "Spiridon will fill you in. I'm assuming you're on your way back to Victor's suite?"

His eyes finally pull back to mine. "What do I need to be filled in on?"

"Probably a lot less than I do."

"Roza –" He steps forward and my hand hits the doorframe to block his path.

"No! No, I have had enough today. Actually, I have had enough of the past few days. So, I don't want to speak to you right now about things you should have spoken to me about before everyone else knew."

The mask slips and I glimpse true emotion that -

My bedroom door swings open.

Adrian strolls out wearing a black fluffy robe, crescent gold strips under his eyes and the rest of his face aglow.

For a second, I'm perplexed but then...well, the robe would be warmer than the kimono and more effective than a throw. I just hope he's wearing his shorts underneath.

"Guardian Goliath." Adrian greets, lifting his glass and crossing to the minibar.

Slowly I turn back to Dimitri. The damp heavy mass of my hair hangs down my back like incriminating evidence.

"Brandy, Rose? Really?" Adrian says from behind me. "With coke?"

"Can you make me something else?" I throw out, warily watching a muscle tick in Dimitri's jaw and giving Adrian an excuse to do anything bar pay attention to us.

Adrian mutters something about 'savagery' and then I hear liquid hitting the sink.

I clear my throat and those dark eyes drop back to me, almost black. I ignore the shadows under them.

I speak so quietly it's impossible for Adrian to overhear. "I don't want to talk to you right now. I know that it wasn't your decision, I know that you feel terrible, but this is about how I feel and I've had enough for today. I want to spend time with my friend and not think about how more has happened, and how you weren't the one to tell me about any of it. I don't want to talk to you right now. Understand?"

We stare at each other, the tension pushing and pulling us to do or say more, so instead, I step back to close the door.

"Lord Ivashkov." Dimitri calls, bringing me to a halt. "As I'm aware you are without a personal Guardian, I'll be happy to escort you back when to your suite when you're ready to leave."

My anger bubbles and writhes before gunning up my throat.

"Don't trouble yourself." I snap and swing the door closed with a satisfying bang.

I'm breathing very hard, the urge to pull open the door and vent this frustration is hot on my palms. I know he's still standing there, fighting the same urge.

"I'm surprised he didn't drag me out or go all 'we would be having a different conversation right about now', like when he found my jacket." Adrian muses, tipping out ice I didn't even know I had. "He and your…uh, the other one, your brother, will be plotting my demise. Or asking about my intention. That would be funny."

I cross the thick carpet, all the tension I'd gotten rid of in the shower melded to my bones again, "His name is Ben. Dimitri, not Goliath, Spiridon not Adonis. It's rude when you don't remember…it's like you think less of them."

"Believe me, I don't think that." He says solemnly and then almost under his breath. "I'm not in a position to think less of anyone."

I'm not going to pull on that thread.

We settle on the floor, and as he opens up the book, I pull the pens closer. "I can't believe I'm spending my night colouring in."

"Go break more chandeliers if you want but I'm playing with your gift." I scan the key and pick up the orange pen. "I've never done this before."

"It was Natalie's fault but I don't mind taking the credit."

I touch the tip of the pen to the page and colour blots onto the white. Adrian's watching me.

"What?"

"Nothing." He says grinning. "And I'm fine right here. Pass the purple."

"Sure – and Adrian, Ben is my brother. You can call him that."

We work on the picture in silence, and he gets more serious than necessary about me swiping in one direction and staying inside the thin lines.

When he's handed me another drink, my body lulled and relaxed, does he say, "You know, it's genius that the Ozera is going with Victor's Guardian. I'd be more impressed if I hadn't had the idea first."

I wait for a beat before asking, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they're just doing the same thing they were at Thanksgiving but on a larger scale. Pushing the Moroi learning to fight thing, and no one will challenge them, not in that setting, because it's about respecting ties and bonds. Plus, there are other advocates there so no wants to incite arguments."

I can only imagine what fun Victor would have if that happened. Natalie had made it clear how much rested on this event, anyone who dared to ruin it would be held accountable for their iniquity.

"How was it your idea first?"

He gives me a look. "Clearly my proposal to you wasn't that impressionable."

I put down my pen. "Adrian. You didn't ask me. You made a joke about it, in front of Rhea."

"Funny how Vanessa is positively thrilled to be going with me despite never having spoken to her but the woman I offer my arm to thinks I'm a joke." I roll my eyes so hard that an ache flashes behind them. "That's attractive."

"Oh so, you asked me? And then didn't speak to me for two weeks. I wonder how I got the wrong impression."

"You have a terrible habit of bringing things back up."

"Don't do stupid things for me to remind you of then."

"That…proves difficult." I snort and he grins at me, leaning closer on his forearms. "Rose."

"What?"

"Will you, do me the honour, of being my date tomorrow?"

"No."

He actually pouts, "Why not?"

I blow out a huge breath, sinking back. "Because…because I don't want to be the target of something that I don't want to get involved in. I'm not making any kind of statement – I'm not bringing more shit down on myself."

But as I say it…something is forming in my head.

"If anyone's bringing something upon themselves it's me – hear me out. Let me go out in style, with a massive blow to my father's pride. I might land a big enough dent to make up for years of…everything. It will humiliate him, his only son taking a public stance that shows support to his archnemeses. This leads me to my next point, Victor will be impressed, thrilled even." He looks so pleased with his argument, but my hesitation mellows him. "And, all the heat won't just be on Natasha and Dimitri, we can balance some of it and it will be a statement of our own that…I don't know, we like and respect one and other. We're friends. It doesn't hinge on what can be offered to the other like their agreement or whatever it is."

I consider it.

I remember Natalie's disgust at Aaron taking Mia, who is a Moroi but not a royal, but then again that reaction could just be because of the girl herself. But she'd almost broken her neck when Lissa said I should go with Adrian.

"Natasha and Dimitri can represent working together – what that means for politics and whatever. But us? It's simple."

"I think you had it right before, we would be going as friends." I say slowly, "Showing everyone that someone like you, and someone like me can be."

He holds out his hand and after a moment I take it. "I would be honoured, truly honoured, to tell the world that."

My grip tightens. "At no point can you leave me stranded, ignore me or not include me in the conversation."

"I won't leave your side."

"You won't be embarrassed to be with me –"

"Only if you're not about being with me."

A smile tugs at my mouth and he squeezes my hand. "Are we going to do this then? Seal my departure, my disinheritance, so they think, and your debut – in the grandest way possible?"

Was I going to sit alone and watch from the sidelines? Was I going to watch an Ozera take more from me? Watch, with everyone else, whilst two of them showcased their bonds and connection with two of the most important people to me.

No.

I'm done taking it. I'm done being silent. I'm done doing nothing when things hurt me.

I'm done.

Adrian is smiling triumphantly because the answer is all over my face.

Thank you to Maddy and everyone on the P ..t..re...on who gave feedback! And to everyone who's shown support and positivity publically and in private.💗

*This is the tack on to the previous chapter and posted later than expected because I changed Adrian and Rose's conversation, oh, easily four times.

*I know and appreciate more than anyone - that this is long and seems like a story that will never end - but it will. So if you've come this far thanks for hanging in there!

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