Episode 011: Image of Brawniness
'This guy isn't saying much, and that's coming from me,' Ragna thought as he gave a glance to the only one sharing his train room and his partner for today's job. 'Still, he sure seems to be flexing a hell of a lot. And then there's all his grunting… Shit, people outside are going to get the wrong idea, aren't they?' Putting those thoughts out of his mind as he sent his most recent book back to storage, Ragna decided to break his silence. "Mind telling me what's going on?"
"My sister didn't explain anything to you?" Elfman asked as he flexed his arm and kept a steady eye on his biceps. "I thought I told her to fill you in before she sent you here, maybe I forgot?"
"Maybe…" The Reaper unfortunately suspected that if he knew what Elfman wanted him here for, he wouldn't have come. "All she told me was that you'd pay for my transportation costs so I could head to this select vendor that she's got and who managed to find one of the items I need. Also told me to give you a hand with whatever the hell you needed help with. I think the one hand is about all I can still give."
"Are you making a joke about your condition?" the wizard asked with an eyebrow raised as he stopped flexing for a moment. "I guess it doesn't bother you after all."
"It bothers me enough when people keep thinking that I'm a crippled old man because of it," the Reaper reminded. "So, what's really going on that you'd need my help with?"
"It's not that I need your help, a true man could take care of this challenge all on his own! I just wanted some company while I did it; no one else in the Guild ever seems to up for what we're doing. Always seems to be busy with God knows what."
'Dammit Mira, what the hell did you trick me into?' Ragna thought with ire before calming himself. 'Nah, she's helped me out a bunch ever since I got to the guild. It's only fair that I pay the favor back.' "You still haven't answered the question yet."
"It's a manliness contest, and you're going to enter it with me." Somehow, Elfman said that the same way anyone else would be announcing the weather. "You've come further than just about anyone else; this is the point where anyone that hasn't left yet bails."
"Don't tempt me, the only reason I'm still going is because I need that damn ingredient," Ragna muttered. 'Manliness contest… Something about that sounds almost… familiar? Why the hell would I have ever entered one in the first place? How the hell could I have gotten into it without getting arrested? …And what's this damn feeling of sheer annoyance I'm getting just thinking about it?'
"But you'll still join?" Elfman asked. "I'm not the type to worry about such a thing, but there's a great prize that's offered for winning the event. And with how manly everyone would see you if you won this thing, there's a slight chance that they won't go straight to calling you an old man every single time." Ragna couldn't help but give a heavy pause at that offer. "At the very least… that's what my sister told me to tell you."
"Of friggin' course Mira would be the one to think of that; underneath that smiling face of hers, your sister's downright scary. Hell, I have to keep asking myself why everyone's so terrified of Erza when they have her to compare to."
"You're right in saying that, but you don't really know why you're right to say it," Elfman started. "Back when she was still a more active member on Jobs, people used to call her The Demon, and that's not even starting to get into her mean streak back when we were kids… Still, I have no idea how someone like you has made it so far without getting on Erza's bad side."
"I'm blunt and I don't take shit from anyone; she and I have that in common," Ragna explained, proving his point on bluntness.
"That doesn't change the fact that any sane person would think twice before messing with an S-Rank wizard, especially if they're one of ours."
"S-Rank?" Ragna repeated… and couldn't help but feel oddly nostalgic for his old SS-Class Criminal title, no matter all the trouble it had brought him. "Sorry, it sounds impressive, but I don't have the damndest idea what it means."
"Long story short, it's a way to tell that someone's been accepted into the higher statuses in whatever guild they belong to. Each guild has their fair share of S-Rank wizards and all of them have different requirements in order to get recognized like that. Right now, the only two S-Ranks that you've met from our group have been Erza and Mira, but we've got a couple of other members. And of course, the old man's the Guild Master which carries enough weight on its own."
"I think that goes without saying; I haven't seen Makarov in action yet, but I'd bet his magic is in a league of its own," the Reaper guessed.
"Just promise me one thing." While Elfman was hardly one to not keep an air of stern about him at nearly any moment, something about the shift in the air around him caused Ragna to do a double take at the fellow albino. "Never head off on an S-Ranked Job on your own, and if anyone unqualified leaves on one then you need to stop them. I know that you probably think that you're tough, but if you get involved in these kinds of jobs, you'll just end up getting yourself killed or… worse."
Ragna could tell a lot by Elfman's tone; the regret and pain it still carried… he'd spoken in that sort of voice himself not too long ago.
"You've got my word; I'm not looking of that kind of trouble anyways," he answered sternly and didn't pry any further for answers. "So Mira's an S-Rank wizard, eh? Kinda makes you wonder why so many guys are going to her for dates when she could probably break them in half with just a dirty look."
"What? You're saying that she isn't worth it?" Elfman asked with a forming scowl.
"…This feels like a loaded question."
"Heh, now you're getting it," he answered as his face then gave off a smirk before the two shared a brief laugh.
-And Then-
"Got what you needed?" Elfman asked as Ragna exited the merchant's store.
"Yeah, some odd brand of honey of all things. Supposedly the stuff's hard to come by and should've cost more than I'd bring back with four high paying jobs," Ragna explained. "Guy inside didn't think I had enough money to smell the stuff let alone buy it, but as soon as I brought up your sister their tune changed completely. Paid for it at a halfway decent price and that was that."
"Mira's a pretty savvy businesswoman. Even though she only runs that one kitchen, she needs to cook a lot of food every day to make sure everyone's fed and that means we always have to have a lot of supply on hand. Then there's the drinks she needs to manage and even with her insane drinking Cana only takes up about a third of our stock. And that's not even getting into actually running the place by managing the notice boards, making the food, serving customers, and the like. Mira does a ton of work, so it's only natural that she has dealings with just about everyone."
"She's told me a bit of that, but I think you're just trying to talk up your big sis," Ragna responded with a wolfish smirk.
"Oh, so you knew I was the younger brother. Most people that don't already know us assume it's other way around for some reason."
'Not all that unreasonable of a guess,' Ragna admitted in his mind. "Mira explained that she was the elder sister a bit ago, but even before then I knew. The way she brings you up, it was obvious just by her tone. This is coming from another oldest sibling."
'…Another of three.'
"You're more observant than you look, but let's hope that you have the muscle to show for it," Elfman said before pointing to the hilltops and the mansion held on top of it to overlook the city. "That's our destination, where the contest will be held."
"Another Duke?" Ragna noted with great distaste. "First that bastard Everlue, then that bitched who stiffed me the bill. I'm zero for two with these people and I'm hesitant to make it oh for three so soon."
"If you do, you can at least take it out on them; this one is hosting and participating. They do this every year to boost their own damn ego. Everyone's here to overthrow them just as much as they're looking to boost their own reputation."
"Meaning you know the people who are participating in this-"
"Ah, the disgraced pup returns!"
The voice that shouted was both gruff and boisterous. Glancing up, the two found a giant of man looking down on them from a bar's second floor balcony. This guy had insane muscles that went past Azrael's type of body and encroached on Iron Tager's. He had a wild blond mane of a beard and each of his arms were around a young and beautiful waitress.
"Finally worked up the courage to come back after I broke your arm last year!?" he shouted tauntingly before going into a fit of laughter while the girls with him giggled along.
"He broke your arm?" Ragna asked, raising his good eyebrow.
"Hairline fracture, I was fine three minutes later," Elfman explained. "And it's held every year! Any real man would be able to remember that! I never lost the courage!"
"A real man doesn't waste his time worry about the details! You fell to me then and you'll fall to me now Elf-Boy!"
"My name is Elfman! And this year I'm not just taking you down! I'm winning the whole thing this year!"
"Then why did you bring that old man with you? Isn't he just some weakling that you can feel good standing next to!" More laughter from him and more giggling from the girls.
Even after all of his maturing into who he now was, Ragna would have been lying if he claimed that this hadn't struck a nerve. Especially with that insult about his age. But he also knew that between the two of them, Elfman had received the bigger verbal taunting. He'd let things play out for the moment and see if Elfman would get the chance to pay back the insults given… and pick up the slack if he faltered. Nodding to Elfman, the two continued on their way as the echoes of laughter followed them.
"Must've been a hell of a blow to your pride losing to him," Ragna muttered, wondering how a Fairy Tail wizard could have lost a contest like this.
"It was… enough to go to Erza for training willingly," Elfman added. "It's good that you didn't lose your temper there. Twice I've lost mine and that expels you from entering. Sorry, I should've warned you."
"I'm just considering this an investment. This time make sure it's his arm that breaks," the Reaper answered with a noticeable growl.
"Much as I like the enthusiasm, save your energy; that bastard's still the nicest challenger you'll meet here."
"…I was afraid you'd say that."
And then what happened!
For the umpteenth time, Ragna's eyebrow twitched as he tried focusing on the book he'd brought with him. Elfman hadn't been exaggerating in his claims and every one of these participants was more boisterous than the last. Some were showing their supposed masculinity by flirting with the female maids, other were engaging in flex contests, some were holding barbaric grappling matches, and finally there was a group participating in a slap to the face match (actual thing). In most eyes it would have been the very definition of testosterone, but to him it was nothing more than pointless squabbling while he was trying to continue his reading into the magics of this world. Elfman was leaning against the wall next to Ragna with his eyes closed and his arms crossed, something Ragna himself would've probably been doing if he didn't have his reading material to catch up on.
"We've been here an hour already," the Reaper noted. "How long is this guy gonna keep us waiting?"
"No clue; they tend to like making their big entrance when no one expects it," Elfman told him, though still trying to appear stoic. Watch for when the participants are most involved in their matches, that's when he'll come in."
'Elfman's still pretty brawny, but it's obvious that he's also got at least some brains to him here,' Ragna considered as he continued reading his book. 'In fact… I gotta wonder if all of the Fairy Tail wizards are smarter than they'd lead you on to believe. They've gotta have some talents if they've stayed in the game for this long and are seen as the elites.' Hearing the grunts from the wrestling match growing even louder, it was apparent to Ragna that the match had reached its climax. "Now?"
"Now."
"MEN AMONG MEN! WELCOME!"
A shadow loomed over as a massive giant who matched the impressive size and muscle mass of Iron Tager descended from the ceiling and landed with enough for to crack the marble floors beneath him. Ragna had a hard time taking him seriously with his cartoonishly over the top beard, divided into four thick braids on either side and styled to resemble flexing biceps. Though even Ragna could admit, it wasn't every day someone could bring in a full, bright pink, four-piece suit and make it look even remotely masculine.
"I SEE WE HAVE A FEW NEW FACES THIS TIME AROUND!" they declared, obviously not having the slightest idea what an indoor voice was. "AND-!" His eyes immediately landed on Ragna who was obviously out of place with how lean his body looked, not to mention his still paralyzed features. "…ONE VERY COURAGEOUS NEWCOMER IN PARTICULAR! NOBODY TAKE IT EASY ON THE GRANDPA, HE KNOWS WHAT HE SIGNED UP FOR!"
"And my investment grows," Ragna muttered as everyone laughed at his expense, aside from Elfman of course. "This guy's a noble?"
"More of a successful businessman that's rich enough to run the town and be seen as one," Elfman clarified. "He got his fortune by selling his own brand of-"
"Protein shakes and muscle powder?" Ragna guessed as more of a joke, but Elfman nodded regardless. "Okay then…"
"SINCE WE HAVE NEW PARTICIPANTS, IT'S ONLY FAIR THAT WE GO OVER THE RULES! WE SHALL HAVE FOUR DIFFERENT TYPES OF ENDURANCE TRIALS AND YOU'LL NOT ONLY HAVE TO SURVIVE EACH OF THEM TO PROCEED TO THE MATCHES PROPER, BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO SHOW YOU'RE GOOD ENOUGH TO EVEN GET IN! EVERYBODY REMEMBER THAT MAGIC IS FORBIDDEN! YOU'LL HAVE TO RELY ONLY ON THE MUSCLES YOU'VE ACQUIRED THROUGH YOUR OWN MANLY SHEER FORCE AND DETERMINATION!"
'No magic, eh? With how important magic seems to be in this world, it's kind of strange that they wouldn't allow it. But even without it, it's still weird to me that Elfman is talked down as much as he is. In terms of brute force, he'd obviously be able to overpower most of these guys… there's something else at play here.'
"NOW! LET THE CHALLENGES BEGIN!"
'Then again, this is the type of contest that I might actually be overthinking things. Probably just best to go with the flow and… it feels like it's getting warm here… GAH!' "WHAT THE HELL!?"
The entire room was covered in a violent red glow and there plenty of crimson magic circles around the room giving off the magical energy needed for this effect. Even if it had just started, Ragna felt like he needed to take his prized jacket off before he burst into flames.
"Oh? Is the old man out already?" one of the challengers taunted without so much as breaking into a sweat in the raging inferno. "Feel free to back out now, before you get hurt!"
"That outburst is going to cost you," a sweating Elfman said next to him. "They're judging your every move from here on out and that might've actually put you out of the contest, it's going to be a hard fight from here on out."
'No kidding, even back home endurance was only ever my strong suit when it really came down my sheer willpower. Magic was hell to deal with for me then and I don't that's changed now that I'm taking the blows. Haven't been able to develop any passive resistances that mages are known for, even if I can't use them now,' Ragna noted as Elfman had also dropped his guard for the trials… but had the other contestants? He couldn't be sure. But one thing was certain; this did feel weirdly familiar and not in a good way. Soon the trial had ended leaving Ragna and Elfman both drenched in sweat. Most of the others were fine aside from a few beads of sweat and only a single one had actually succumbed to the heat and fainted. The host, of course, was still in prime condition.
"WAS IT JUST ME OR WAS THAT FIRE A LITTLE CHILLY THIS YEAR!?" Even something that was worded like a basic jovial question had to be shouted by this blabbermouth. "SPEAKING OF CHILLS, IT'S NOW TIME FOR THE ICE ROUND!"
Ragna actually fared much better with this challenge, as even in his weakened state it had little to offer compared to the sheer cold of Jin's ice based attacks. That didn't mean he had the urge to shiver, but he managed to fight through it regardless. Elfman appeared to have slightly more trouble as he trembled slightly, but his stoic and scowling face never wavered. Three more participants succumbed.
"HA! I MIGHT HAVE TO FIRE MY STAFF THIS YEAR FOR GIVING US SUCH A WEAK CHALLENGE! LET'S HOPE THAT THIS NEXT ROUND ISN'T TOO SHOCKING!"
As the bad pun indicated, it was a literal lightning round. The electricity hurt Ragna like hell and he admittedly had to grimace once or twice, but he at least considered it a victory that his good arm wasn't shaking as the contest reached its end. At least a dozen weren't as lucky and passed out before it was over.
"AND FOR THE FINAL ROUND! …YOU MUST ENDURE GREAT HEALTH BENEFITS AND AMAZING FLAVORS!" the host declared as several of his maids carted in several covered platers.
"This… is new. Last time we each had to endure a pressurized blast of water and keep from falling over," Elfman informed. "None of the surviving challengers fell to it, so maybe he's actually bringing out something more challenging?"
"I'm guessing no." Ragna's bluntness in his intuition was rewarded as the covers came off to reveal several bottles with gaudy labels of their host on the front as he flexed his muscles with an absurd style. "Figures, he's just promoting his business. I guess this means we get a freebee, but still… It just feels like-"
"SUCH FLAVORS! SUCH ENERGY!" one of the other participants shouted in a manner so over the top, even next to the hosts performance it was obvious to Ragna that it was being faked. "HOW COULD I EVER IMAGINE TO STAND BEFORE SUCH MANLY ENERGY! I MUST FORFEIT MY PARTICIPATION IN THIS TOURNAMENT!"
"UNDERSTANDABLE! AND HAVE NO FEAR! IT TAKES A REAL MAN TO KNOW WHEN HE HAS ENCOUNTERED SOMETHING ABOVE EVEN HIMSELF!" the host shouted back with a joyful laughter.
"So he's paying them off to lose just for some publicity," Elfman summarized.
"Sure as hell seems that way," Ragna muttered as he glanced around the challenge room, watching as several other participants seemed to be falling out themselves. Rolling his single good eye, he grabbed one of the untaken bottles and downed its contents in one gulp.
"So how is it?" Elfman asked warily as he reluctantly grabbed his own protein drink.
"The only thing I could never imagine to stand before is the god awful taste of these things…"
And then!
It was back to reading for Ragna and back to scowling for Elfman as the judges for this event weighed their options on the remaining challengers. It wasn't any concern of Ragna's whether he'd get into the final round of 64 (it was how many challengers happened to be left), it was more of how well (poorly) he was about to be ranked. Ragna halfheartedly considered dropping out here and now since this was a pain in the ass… but Elfman had provided him with the ride here. Eventually the judges came forward with the rankings and placed Ragna… 64th. Last of the survivors.
'And that just about settles it,' Ragna considered as they then judged Elfman to be 63rd. The man from earlier that had given Elfman crap ranked second while the host ranked their obvious first place. The way the bracket was set up, Ragna would be taking the host on in his very first round… which suited the Reaper just fine since he didn't like the idea of waiting.
"Finally," Ragna said as he put his book back in his Reequip storage (and ignored the slightly panicked look Elfman still gave off as a result). "I just met this bastard and I already can't wait to pound his face in."
"Do you mean that literally? Shoot, I forgot to tell you that there's no fighting in the final round." Right now Ragna was seeing Elfman as the kind of Knowledge After the Fact Informant, but held his insulting tongue for the moment. "The final challenge every year is arm wrestling."
"…Seriously?" Ragna glanced and saw that they were indeed setting up a table with this type of match to take place. Using his good arm, he pointed to his paralyzed one. "You really think I can enter with this?"
"They'll probably insult you, but I think that they'll at least take you on while matching your left arm. They don't think much of you at this point, so it's hardly a problem," Elfman informed.
"…Hey, you do realize that-"
"I know what you're going to say, and of course I know it," Elfman answered without even turning to Ragna.
"Then why?"
"Because it's who I am; a REAL man." He turned to the Reaper. "You ready to see this through with me?"
"…Why not? I think I could stand to break a few arms after all," Ragna answered seriously as he headed for the stage, knowing that he was in the first round.
"THE SAME RULES AS EVERY YEAR STILL APPLY! IF WE GET ANY HINTS THAT YOU'RE USING MAGIC THEN YOU'RE OUT OF THE CONTEST! THIS COMES DOWN TO A PURE DISPLAY OF MANLINESS AND MUSCLE! AND-!" He actually paused as Ragna brought his left arm up. "…THIS ONE REQUIRES YOUR LEFT ARM! AND NO REAL MAN WOULD SEE THAT AS A PROBLEM!"
This gesture didn't do anything to instill any goodwill towards the host, but Ragna at least figured that his luck wasn't going to screw him over just yet. Taking a seat, a blue magic circle appeared next to him with three zeros.
"Uh, what the hell is-?"
"OF COURSE! I KEEP FORGETTING THAT YOU'RE A NEW PARTICIPANT!" the host shouted right in front of him. This mixed with the spittle droplets hitting the Reaper's face made Ragna regret speaking up. "THAT LITTLE GAUGE THERE IS A HANDY LITTLE DEVICE THAT WILL TELL US THE FULL OUTPUT OF MANLY ENERGY THAT THE WINNER ACHIEVED! THIS IS MORE FOR BOASTING RIGHTS THAN ANYTHING, BUT ALL THE MORE REASON TO GIVE IT EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT! MY PREVIOUS RECORD WAS 694 AND I'M LOOKING TO BREAK 700 THIS YEAR!"
With that the host gave a (somehow even louder) battle cry as he ripped the top half of his shirt off and showed his absurd muscles beneath which looked like they had been contained by the suit if anything. The counter then seemed to boost itself straight to 300, but how the hell it calculated the score was beyond Ragna. Just like he was beyond the point of caring.
"GAZE UPON THE TRUE FORM OF MANLINESS!" he declared before directing his flexing to Ragna. "THERE IS NO NEED TO FEEL POORLY OF YOURSELF IF YOU DECIDE TO DROP OUT HERE AND NOW! GETTING THIS FAR WAS MORE THAN AN ACCOMPLISHMENT! I DO HOPE THAT YOU…! …YOU!"
Ragna hadn't broken his eye contact (aside to wipe the spit away of course) and glared with his single good eye as her brought his left arm up ready to begin the contest. The host grinned smugly as he seated himself with enough force to cause the table to shake. One of the maids dressed in revealing referee style dress and skirt approached the table and nodded to both men.
"CLASP HANDS!"
Ragna's reflexes saved him as his opponent might've grabbed him at an advantageous angle had he not shifted at the last instant, it seemed that the host was done playing as Ragna saw the glint in his opponent's eye.
"Right then… let's get this over with."
'ACTING SO CASUAL WOULD BE YOUR DOWNFALL IF YOU WEREN'T ALREADY DOOMED FROM THE START!' the host thought, shouting so loudly in their internal monologue that Ragna could almost hear him. 'YOU'RE JUST LIKE THAT FOOL, ELFMAN! WIZARDS FROM BIG NAME GUILDS ARE STRONG, BUT THEY CAN'T STAND UP TO US WHEN WE USE OUR OWN BOOSTING MAGICS! EVERYONE HERE IS SELF BOOSTING TO AND INSANE DEGREE AND PROBABLY EVEN HAVE BOOSTING THEM FROM TOWN. MEANWHILE MY ENTIRE STAFF IS GIVING ME AS MUCH MAGICAL ENERGY AS POSSIBLE! MANLINESS IS ONLY A PROJECTION OF YOURSELF UNTO OTHERS! ANYONE THAT BELIEVES IN THE SPIRIT OF IT IS JUST AN IDIOT AND BOTH OF YOU ARE FALLING FOR IT! LET'S SEE HOW COCKY THAT SMIRK OF YOURS IS AFTER I BREAK YOUR ARM!"
"READY!" the head maid declared as her host master tensed in anticipation as he had to keep himself from glowing with magical energy. "…GO!"
Even the other participants braced themselves as the Host's roar itself shook his entire mansion. Pouring all of his strength, his hidden magical strength, and even the external magic given to him into his left arm, he pushed as hard as he could against Ragna's arm and… just succeeded in have his veins bulge in a rather gruesome display as Ragna appeared unchanged in both complexion and his hand's position. While the host had his teeth grit, steam comically pouring from their eats nostrils, and sweat drenching their brow… Ragna appeared quite bored honestly.
'HOW!? I'M GIVING IT EVERYTHING I'VE GOT! BUT I'M NOT EVEN MOVING HIM AN INCH! ARE THE SPELLS NOT WORKING!? IS HE USING A POWERFUL COUNTER SPELL!? WHAT'S GOING ON!?'
"That's really all you got?" The left half of Ragna's face that the host could see was darkened, the only source of light was his shining green iris… and the bright teeth from his sharp smirk. "And here I was expecting some kind of a challenge."
'WHAT GODDAMMIT!? WHAT'S THE SECRET TO HIS-!?'
Tap
"I win," the Ex-Reaper causally declared as he let his opponent's arm go so it could lay limp on the table. He hadn't slammed his opponent to the other side of the table and even calling it a push seemed a little overkill. It was more like the Reaper had simply put his opponent's arm down to rest. "Thanks for the match."
"Um, master?" the referee maid asked through her own surprise at the events. "Are you okay? (BUSTER WOLF!) The next set of challengers is waiting for you. Should I have them wait?"
"…no, that's alright," the host said as a faint whisper as he slowly raised himself from the chair. He then glanced towards the manliness rating for the match. 713. "he broke my record… without even trying."
"What did you say master? I couldn't quite hear you," the maid tried to question as her boss stumbled off in a defeated daze. She shrugged and resumed her current duties. "THE NEXT MATCH!"
On Ragna's side, he could already hear several of the other participants saying that the host had just let their guard down and there was no way that Ragna could have won otherwise… though he also noticed that many of these were the Hype Men from the protein drink round. Ignoring their chatter, he headed back to see Elfman who would be waiting on his first match for quite some time.
"And here I thought you wanted to be ready to break that guy's arm. I'd say that you let him off the hook pretty easily," Elfman observed before glancing towards the absolutely defeated husk of a man. "Though… maybe letting him off easily is what actually broke his spirits so badly."
"Heh, now you're getting it," Ragna said with a haunting grin as he mirrored Elfman's words from earlier.
"You're starting to scare me man," the fellow wizard said with the classic anime sweat drop.
When it finally came time for Elfman to take on the muscle head that had been taunting him earlier, Ragna noticed that for all of his boisterous attitude that he showed around the guild, right now he seemed dead serious for his match. Which was probably better for Ragna's ears, because Elfman's opponent still seemed to have plenty of taunting for the both of them.
"LOOKS LIKE THAT OLD MAN'S MADE IT THROUGH WITH A DOUBLE MIRACLE! BUT YOU'RE GOING DOWN HERE AND NOW ELF-WHELP!"
'Does the guy that thinks of themselves as the champion have all of their words Caps-Locked?' Ragna considered (possibly breaking the fourth wall). 'I hope whatever training he's been doing to get ready for this was enough, because I get the feeling Erza would have his hide if he lost to the same guy twice.'
"PARTICIPANTS! CLASP HANDS!" the referee shouted. 'Looks like my master won't be hosting this show next year. Without the bonus I get from announcing here, I'll have to find a new way to pay my bills. Maybe I should check out the local waitress jobs… Or I could try to find my way into an actual guild.' Though her thoughts seemed to be drifting, she appeared so focused on announcing that no one was the wiser. "READY… GO!"
CRASH!
"MY ARM!" the taunting cried in pain as he gripped his horrifically misshapen limb. Even Ragna who had experience in losing an appendage had to grimace at the sight as Elfman rose from his chair and faced the remaining participants. The counter read 732.
"I TOLD YOU ALL THAT I CAME HERE TO WIN THIS YEAR! AND NOW I CAN GET AROUND YOUR BOOSTING MAGIC TO SHOW YOU WHAT A REAL MAN IS!" …Apparently now Elfman had the Caps Lock curse. "DON'T LET THAT HOLD ANY OF YOU BACK! BOTH OF US WILL SHOW YOU WHAT THE POWER OF REAL MEN IS LIKE!"
"…Think we need a new table," Ragna said as he glanced to the pile of splinters that Elfman's match had been held on. The referee nodded and with a snap of her fingers, a grouped of butlers quickly cleared away the earlier splinter pile and brought in a new table (likely this happened often in the tournament). Taking a seat, Ragna put his left hand out for his challenger to shakily take. They seemed to scream with fright as they channeled all of their given power into the arm, only this time it was apparent that they were cheating with the boosting aura glowing around them. "Dude, just take the loss… No? Alright, I'll humor his cheating."
"READY… GO!" the referee shouted, only this time the match was over in the blink of an eye as Ragna gently put his opponent's arm down. "WINNER!"
Again, Ragna hadn't even bothered to use that much force, earning him a solid 740 from the ranking this time. His opponent shared the same signs of defeat as the host had and needed to be cleared off by the referee and the staff.
"I THINK HE SNAPPED IT OFF!" Elfman's next opponent shouted (thankfully exaggerating) after his rather easy match. Score: 735
"WINNER!" the ref declared as Ragna broke another participant's spirit. Score: 730
"IT'S BENT BACKWARDS! BACKWARDS!" shouted Elfman's next victim. Score: 743
"WINNER!" the announcer shouted as Ragna finished reading a chapter from his latest book during his match. Score: 745
"GAAAAAAHHH!" All Elfman's next opponent could do was cry a pain filled scream. Score: 738
"WINNER!" Now Ragna appeared half asleep as he brough his opponent's hand down with the gentlest of taps. Score: 750
"…SCREW THIS! I'M NOT LIVING WITH AN ARM IN A CAST FOR THE NEXT TWO MONTHS!" Elfman's next opponent forfeited… though Elfman still got his own 750 from the score cards.
"And that's a wrap," Ragna said as Elfman headed down from the stage. "Good work out there. I'm heading over to forfeit."
"You're what!?" his job partner balked. "After getting to the Grand Finals without a problem?"
"I'm just being smart and quitting while we're ahead. With my string of luck lately it'd be stupid if I don't step out now. You can just give me half of the reward later and we'll call it good."
"And disappoint everyone who came here with a display of pure manliness!?" Elfman demanded, gesturing to the participants.
"Elfman, half the people there I just destroyed spiritually. The other half just got their arm wrecked by you. Why would they want to watch us at this point?"
"None of them have left yet, have they?" the brute tried to reason. Ragna wasn't sure that many of them could move at the moment. "And it's one thing if I haven't been able to win a contest that was obviously skewed against me, it would be another thing entirely if you dropped out. People wouldn't care about context here; both your reputation and the guilds would be dealt a harsh blow, even if you're surrendering to a fellow member of Fairy Tail."
"…You're scared of what Ezra would do to you if she found out this is how you won," Ragna accused.
"If I were you, I'd be more worried about how she'd handle the news of you dropping out. You had a hell of a miracle run staying on Erza's good side up to this point, but if you drop out your standings are going to crash and burn… possibly in a literal way… if you're lucky."
'Everyone's so damn scared of that woman,' Ragna thought to himself with ire.
"Of course, that's only giving extra fuel to the fire," Elfman said seriously as he got right in Ragna's face. "You have to understand, there's a strong chance that this is the last year that they'll be hosting this contest. With how badly you beat the host, I don't think they'll be in any hurry to bring back this contest until they're sure they can win. I don't want to have any regrets when I leave this place, so don't you dare give me any now."
"Fine, fine, and here I thought that you hated this place… or are you actually putting up with all of this to get stronger?" Elfman nodded but didn't elaborate. "…This is bad idea, a very bad idea… but fine. I'll see it through if there's no talking you out of it." Both men headed for the table, which had been replaced by a solid block of iron. "With all of this talk that you're doing, you better not crap out on me."
"Don't worry, a REAL MAN can always back up whatever promise he shouts! And he always does it with his brawn!"
With his battle declaration made, Elfman took a seat next to their little dueling slab with enough force and showmanship to send a small shockwave across the floor. Unable to help himself, Ragna's glace around the room told him that his participation here was at least expected… and he couldn't deny that he felt like he could stand to show off after the insults he'd gotten. Even the brutally defeated host seemed to glance up as the two men clasped hands.
"THE FINAL MATCH!" the referee shouted. "TO DETERMINE WHO IS THE TRUE MAN AMONG MEN IN THESE SANCTIFIED HALLS OF TESTOSTERONE! READY… GO!"
Half of the cocky participants turned defeat onlookers flinched as the expected Elfman to crack the iron slab by slamming Ragna's hand with the force to do so. The other half actually leaned in closer so that they could get a better view of Ragna who they suspected would easily set Elfman's hand upon the table to win the match with ease. In the end, both men were completely still as when the call had been made. It was like the two were completely frozen in time. The referee didn't take her eyes off of either of them for an instant as that split second change could determine the entire match.
"They… aren't moving?" one of the participants with a broken arm stated as more of a question. "Are they waiting for the right moment?"
"Maybe they're both so terrified of each other that they're frozen stiff?" one of the men that Ragna had defeated guessed.
"No, they've got to be holding everything back!" yet another contender shouted. "They want to finish this all in one push and-! …What's going on with the counter?"
While the two appeared still enough for the onlookers to make these outlandish claims, the counter behind them hadn't been inactive in the slightest. Ever since the match began it was gradually counting up in value. Right now it was a 914 and raising fast.
"Th-that's thing's gotta be broken, they aren't even doing any-" The participant talking couldn't finish their thoughts as the ground beneath them began to fiercely shake and only grew in ferocity. "What the-!?"
"They gotta be using magic! That should mean that they're disqualified!" one sore loser still upset with his broken arm shouted. "It's the only way they could be doing this!"
'No, I've already read in Sorcerer's Weekly that Elfman uses Take Over magic in order to fight, so I'd notice if he were using it to enhance his strength. And this other guy was ready to quit before Elfman told him to stay in, so there's little point in cheating now,' the more levelheaded referee thought as she remained fixated on the two men and their unmoving fists… then they started to tremble for the colliding forces and the shaking skyrocketed. 'But to think…'
"Holy crap! They're already up to Sixteen-hundred! And it's going up even faster now!" one of the men shouted.
"I thought it only recorded up to the hundreds!? Where's the extra digit coming from!?" another demanded from the host.
"it's not supposed to do that…" he answered meekly.
"SHAKING'S GETTING WORSE!" another shouted. "THE GAUGE! IT'S OVER 9000!"
"WHAT!? 9000!? THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!"
'It should be,' the referee thought to herself as she continued watching, even if she had to fight to retain her balance.
"Hey," came Ragna's rasp of a voice. It was actually hard for him to speak given the sheer dedication he was putting into his match with Elfman. "You're real brave and all, probably more of a damned man than any of those posers here… But seriously, you're not safe up here. You can still watch the match just fine from down there."
"R-right," she answered as she left the podium and got to a saner distance, her eyes still never leaving the match in progress. '…That old guy's actually kinda cool. I wonder why he isn't in any of the Sorcerer's Weekly issues.'
"…Now that she's out of the way, WE CAN REALLY GO ALL OUT AS MEN!" Elfman declared as their hands shaking intensified, but neither of their hands moved to either of their favor. "You're not holding back on me, are you!?"
"Don't think I could if I wanted to!" Ragna shouted back. "BUT I AIN'T DONE HERE! GIVE ME EVERYTHING YOU GOT!"
"SHOW ME THAT YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO BE A REAL MAN!"
"COME ON!"
With their battle cries done, both men let out the fiercest yells they could as the rumbling finally reached its climax. The counter put in place to measure their manliness was malfunctioning and rapidly counting random numbers before it shattered in a flash of blinding light.
Later -Fairy Tail Guild-
"I can't believe that you were actually able to convince someone to go with your brother to that ridiculous tournament," Erza said to her best friend as she stood before the bar holding a recently purchased slice of Strawberry Cake. "And what's more you made it so that Ragna's going with him. This after you told me how annoyed he'd become lately."
"That's true, but it couldn't be helped," Mira said with her classic beautiful smile, like there wasn't a problem in the world. "The ingredient that Ragna needed just so happened to be in the town hosting, so it's a perfect chance for him to make his way there without paying a traveling fee. Besides, he could use it to work off his stress."
"We've known each other well enough that you're just making excuses now," the scarlet haired wizard said with a huff (much to the worry of everyone else in the guild) before she took a small forkful of her cake.
"That didn't stop you from getting your own job quickly and coming back so you'd know the results," Mira pointed out, earning a scowl from her longtime friend but not flinching in the slightest.
"With as much as Natsu and Gray wanted to show off, it was almost impossible to not get done quickly," she answered, though out of the corner of her eye she did notice the scowl the two kept sending one another. 'Not that their teamwork's improved in the slightest.' "Back to Ragna and Elfman, I certainly hope they won't do anything to sully our Guild's name. It's a wonder that the papers haven't had a field day with one of our members losing the tournament. And I'd hate to see you brother waste all of the training I gave him."
"Don't worry, Elfman sounded more than confident that he'd be able to win the tournament this year. And I'm sure that Ragna's more than capable enough on his own. The only real question would be which of them won the tournament overall."
"…Hence why Cana's made a betting pool," Erza said, noting that Fairy Tail's resident drinker had indeed seemed to cash in on the event. Currently Elfman seemed to have the better odds than Ragna, but she wondered if that was merely because they hadn't seen what their supposed Reaper could really do. "So who did you bet on? Ragna or your brother?"
"Neither, I didn't place a bet. I figured it would just add insult to injury to whoever didn't win," Mira explained. It was then that the doors to the guild opened. Everyone went silent and turned their attention to the two silver haired men walking in side by side. Their dark complexions completely covered their faces as they stepped through the crowd and up to the front desk.
"Welcome back!" Mira said cheerfully, as if the situation hadn't changed. "How was the tournament?"
No answer.
"So tell me… which of you won?" Erza demanded, getting right down to business. Everyone in the guild tensed even further in case either man dared to give her the wrong answer. Erza even set her cake down for a moment as she crossed her arms. "Well?"
Ragna responded by moving his arm to point straight at Elfman, but not to the expected reason.
"His fault."
-Earlier at the tournament-
"I thought that kind of scanner wasn't supposed to overload," one of the contestants grumbled as they rose from the ruble of the ruined mansion. The venue hadn't just been destroyed, more like the force from Ragna and Elfman's match blew it away completely. "And why the hell should it blow up like that when it does?"
"it's not supposed to," the host said weakly as they took in what was left of their home. "i'm ruined…"
"Never mind that, who won the match?" another of the few conscious men demanded as they pushed the debris off of themselves. Glancing to their right, they saw the referee who was the only one that hadn't been blasted off of their feet. Even her gaze hadn't wavered from where the match had taken place before the blast, now the entire stage was covered in a thick dust cloud. "I don't know what you'd expect to find there, lady. Those two are probably goners from that match."
'Any of you lot maybe, but those two were something else,' she thought as her gaze remained fixated. The only thing that made her glance away were two pieces of clothing fluttering to the floor between her and the dust cloud; Ragna and Elfman's shirts, blown off from the blast but somehow undamaged. Then the fog started to cleared and two silhouettes were revealed. "They're here."
"Huh?"
All of the men (even those who were thought to be unconscious) rose to observe the two as the cloud cleared completely showing them both in…
(Cue JoJo's Bizarre Adventure -Awaken-)
Both Ragna and Elfman were currently shirtless after the explosion had taken their top halves of clothing off, leaving their upper bodies exposed for the defeated to bear witness to. Elfman had his back to the others, but had a single arm flexed showing off the core of strength that he possessed; the same strength that had ruined the arms of several men here that had taunted him for losing to him in the past. But now he had overcome them, and he scowled over his flexed arm in both challenge and sheer dominance. Ragna only showed his still functioning left half to the others, leaning back on the air almost as if he were sitting. His gloved left hand covered most of his face in his pose, but his glowing green eye still pieced through his self-created darkness and pieced into the very soul of all who looked upon it.
Behind these two champions, the solid slab of metal that had been used for their dueling ground had been reduced to a pile of dust. The other competitors looked on with awe as-
(End theme)
Back to the Guild
"I don't understand, what happened?" Erza demanded. Her scowl hadn't faded, but there was an element of confusion now present.
"Those assholes were so petty that they refused to pay us after we went and showed 'em up like we did," Ragna grumbled. "It probably didn't help that we blew away their mansion, but to skip out and run us out of town like they did."
"That's not great," Mira admitted as her smile because just slightly strained. "At least you both made it all the way to the finals. You even managed to beat the man running it, despite all of that cheating."
"Both of you knew about that?" the Reaper demanded. "Then why the hell were you so upset that Elfman lost?"
"Even if they were using their magic while we held no such advantage, anyone from our guild should have been able to overcome this challenge," Ezra said sternly. "Elfman."
"Y-Yeah?" Now that the moment of judgement had arrived, the giant of Fairy Tail looked less than confident under the S-Rank wizard's steel eyes.
"…Even if you didn't win officially, I have to commend you on your victory none the less." Erza actually seemed to be smiling at him, almost like a proud mother would. "And it was clear to me in our training how much this mattered to you. I hope you realize how far you've managed to come and how much further you still have to go. And with the level of effort you put in, I have nothing but faith that you can make it."
"Erza…" It looked like Elfman was going to start crying. "You don't have to worry about me; a real man is ready for anything!" He then turned to Ragna. "I have to thank you for this as well. You gave me one hell of a fight in that last round, I'm more pumped to improve myself than just about ever."
"…Glad I could help," Ragna said as he let his body relax from his darker phase. Some bitterness was still undoubtedly left, however.
"On the plus side, if you really destroyed the mansion like that there's no way the Sorcerer's Weekly can pass it up as a frontline story," Mira encouraged Ragna. "You're probably going to get quite the reputation soon!"
"Assuming that they don't write me as some old fart that was just there," Ragna said with a huff. Mira internally admitted that there was probably a high chance of that happening with his luck. "I guess I'll just have to live with it. In a sick and twisted way, I guess I had some fun doing this."
"See? You just have to take these wins where you can," Mira encouraged. It might've just been Ragna, but her already radiant smile seemed to be just a touch brighter when he saw it aimed at himself. Smirking slightly, he decided to just run with the punches and-
"And here I figured you'd be a lot more upset than this; what with losing out on Twenty-Five million Jewels," Ezra noted.
"Ah, who needs that kind of money when we have this experience to look back on?!" Elfman retorted with a laugh. "Right Ragna?"
"Twenty-Five… Million… We just lost out on Twenty-Five Million Jewels?"
'Uh oh,' Mira realized as her smile actually vanished.
"I mean yeah, but wasn't the chance to blow the roof of the place worth more than-?"
"YOU IDIOT!" Ragna shouted as his left arm shot out, grabbed Elfman by his collar, and began shaking him violently. "WE COULD'VE SPLIT THAT KIND OF MONEY IF YOU'D LET ME DROP OUT! AND YOU WANTED ME TO STAY IN JUST TO SHOW OFF! EVEN FIVE MILLION OF THAT WOULD'VE SAVED ME SO MANY HEADACHES! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!?"
…Apparently now he had the curse of the caps lock… a constant boldness to boot.
"Hey Happy?" Natsu asked from beside his constant companion. "Doesn't it seem like Dad's taking after Lucy?"
"Aye," the cat noted.
"And that's a problem, right?"
"A big problem. I don't think our team could handle two Lucy's. It could ruin us all."
"It's sitting right next to the two of you," Lucy herself said with deep ire. Glancing back to Ragna she watched he continued to violently shake Elfman down. '…Is that really how I come across to people? Maybe I should take a step back and rethink a few thing… Nah, they're probably just crazy.'
Next Time: Image of the Guardian
Author's Note
Storm VII: Hey everyone, Happy April Fools. I don't usually play joke chapters on people, so I just decided it would work better to update something a little sillier than usual.
Happy: Isn't everything you do is silly? You did do a musical finale in one of your chapters.
S: True, but still not silly enough to warrant a chapter like this which is why it worked well enough for the Fairy Tail story. Anyways, before we move on I'm just going to take the chance to plug my YouTube channel again: also Storm VII
H: Currently with 61 Subscribers.
S: It's still growing slowly. Anyways, I upload BlazBlue matches from time to time, but right now I'm focused on my Persona 4 Golden Let's Play. I was on a brief hiatus, but uploads will resume this Monday. Hope to see you all there.
H: For every new subscriber he gets, he has to give me a large barrel of fish!
S: Didn't we do that bit already? …At this point, why should I even bother trying arguing that's not how it works? Anyways, onto the Review Responses! Thanks for joining us!
Primus1661: Thanks for subscribing and we'll have to wait and see with Juvia.
Javier Amon Belmont: Interesting idea for Juvia developing her speaking mannerisms.
Hellifrit: Thanks for writing in.
BlitzNeutral69: Sorry, had a GRR spree to take care of.
Guest (1): Thanks!
The Unplanner: 5 chapters now, but thanks for the lengthy review.
NiceScourge: Thanks for your kind words, I try to do the characters justice... this chapter is kind of an exception, but Elfman gets his big moment later anyways.
Masterx01: I'm glad that you're so invested in immersion. But a few sentences probably shouldn't ruin that. If it did I'm sorry, but I felt the need to set it up early just in case a potential subscriber was annoyed with Juvia's linguistic mannerisms.
P3R50N4: Ragna does deserve some happiness; I just want to make sure he has to fight to get it.
Shoot312: Don't worry, this story isn't going anywhere.
ReclusiveDork: We all have our ship theories. The fact that they're so fun is why some series never commit to official relationships.
Halfdeath93: But of course!
Wlyman2009: He could, but this was more of him making sure Juvia had a bit of happiness.
EnteTheSlayer: Here's the next installment for you!
Thanks for reading!
Ciao!