What to do about Magik Gotham style?
Author's note: See chapter 16 of Girl's Night Out Mark II as to how this story came to be. I'd been binge watching the Harley Quinn show on HBOMax (which I love, the show is not for kids as there is massive violence, cussing, and adult situations, but surprisingly little/no nudity). I have come to find Harley to be a very interesting character, and I somewhat stole this story idea from Season Two of the show. I figure this story takes place during the whole King in Black crossover as Illyana had no role in that story so I assume she was on vacation. I rather like this chapter in that there are significant character interactions that I had not planned for, and it ended up being abigger chapter then I thought it would be.
I've worked on and off on this for a half year or so. My main purpose was conversations with Illyana with non traditional people so as to explore some topics that would not crop up with normal conversations with the New Mutant, Kitty, or other people in the Marvel universe as Illyana is very private about certain things; but might be willing to share with others who have been there and done that as it were.
Also the story In the Garden of Eve by Spiderintheroses is fantastic and I dedicate this chapter to Spiderintheroses as thanks for such a great Harley/Ivy story (just wish they would write more content).
Part 5a: Justice League (JL) Paperwork
Above the earth, in geostationary orbit, the JA space station watched, monitored, observed the earth on its ceaseless vigil. The station was both a central meeting place for the Justice League (JL) as well as being the location of their main operations watch. Sometimes the station would be bustling with activity, but mostly it was almost empty, devoid of any people other then the watch holder. Such was the current situation as there was currently but one resident of the station. The control room could and would be a beehive of activity if something significant was occurring upon the earth, or in the earth's vicinity. But when nothing was happening of note, then… the watch holders found other ways to occupy their time. Some did research, others simply entertained themselves as there was HBO, Netflix, and about a zillion other cable channels. Others perused more literary endeavors, for example Martian Manhunter was secretly a prolific, if somewhat repetitious, Victorian romance author under the pseudonym GreenGuy. The more productive ones utilized their free time for the mundanely of paperwork.
Each member of the JA took turns being a watch holder as even the most senior of heroes took their turns in the control room. So, this day we see the current watch holder typing away at a memo. That person being Wonder Woman, or if you prefer Princess Diana of Themyscira. The topic of the memo?
Magik
…
While to date the entity known as Magik has not engaged in any known nefarious activates, it must be emphasized that the key is known activities. Her, as well as her companions actions on the night in question in Gotham, simply reemphasizes the potential risk such an entity brings to our world. Not only her ability to access our existence and time lines whenever she wishes, but her ability to bring whomever, or whatever, she desires. While Batman's engagement protocol has been quite success to date on engaging Magik in a socially constructive context, the Bat Clan and the Titans being the primary engagement points, the potential threat she represents must not be forgotten..
Magik is not from our world. It is unknown as to what rules Magik is subjected to when in our universe, but it is clear that there are restrictions that she chooses to not articulate or share. What should be plain is that there are disruptions caused by her very presence. One such disruption being the sudden infusion of Frosties into the economy. While it has not yet been conclusively proven that the before mentioned night of revelry in Gotham also resolved the quandary as to the source of Frosties, which is apparent in hindsight as the label on Frosties do state that they are a product of Frost Industries, the disruption caused by the sudden profusion of Frosties in the Super community cannot be understated. The unfortunate actions of the Amazon assault team serves as an example as to the temptation of Frosty undergarments upon the female Super community. One can just imagine the potential alliances that Magik could forge with various nefarious villainous communities with but the offer of Frosties. One has to only look at…
Diana scowled at what she had just written. Half a page about female underwear… was the irritated thought. That would not… sell as it were with the male JL community. Male Frosties existed, and many male Supers and Villains had them, why supposedly Luthor had over two dozen, but the allure was not the same. Heck… the fashion world would be horrified to find that many a male hero, under all that spandex, was content to be wearing underwear with holes, and shudder, in need of washing. Yes various explosions showed garments in disarray, but some of that disarray already existed.
With a sigh Diana cut out the part about Frosties and saved it in another document for later reuse as the content was more appropriate for a memo written only for the female super community. Then sat back, she understood that part, if not all of her angst was at the unfortunate pending formal dinner.
Part 5b: Supper of a most unusual kind
Bored… That was Illyana's internal thought. Bored… Bored… Bored… and… Yep, still Bored.
Feasts was supposed to be fun. Good food and hopefully good conversation. Well, the food was good but the conversation was stilted and obviously scripted. It was plain that everybody had had a talking to on avoiding any controversial topics or saying anything that might be offensive, or perhaps even slightly interesting. Sigh… somewhat understandable but… that resulted in boring conversation. And her two companions were likewise having internal thoughts as to how boring it was.
One could lay the blame for all this on Bruce Wayne. Diana had offered to meet Illyana anywhere at anytime due to the unfortunate behaviors of the Amazon assault team on Gotham that had left Illyana naked in Times Square but for her bra and panties (See the story Girl's Night Out II). Bruce had told Alfred of the offer from Diana and had asked that Alfred write up something formal. Alfred, being Alfred, had written the offer using all of Diana's titles
Diana, Princess of Themiscyra, Founding member of the Justice League, Daughter of Queen Hippolyta Ruler of the Amazons and Themiscyra, SO ON AND SO FORTH, offers to meet Illyana Rasputin at a location of her choice and time for discussions.
Batman had passed her the sealed envelope containing the offer the next time Illyana had been present in the DC universe. Illyana had been surprised at the formal tone of the offer and had written a response in the same tone.
Illyana Rasputin, Magik, Ruler of Limbo, accepts and suggests dinner at an appropriate location of your choice.
Illyana had meant something casual but… Diana's mother had been present when Diana had opened Illyana's response (the letter had just appeared next to Diana while having breakfast with her mother). Hippolyta concluded that an appropriate location only be Themiscyra.
A conclusion that Diana did not agree with. "Mother, I don't think we should…"
Hippolyta stopped Diana. "It's obvious Diana, you have but to read between the lines. A fellow ruler would expect nothing less. The intent is that you, and thus we, refuse, thereby causing her further insult and justifying the consequential actions she likely already has planned if she is secretly a villain."
Resulting… in the formal invite to Themiscyra for a formal supper, with the words "In your honor" noticeable absent from the invite. But, the invite did mention guests… and Illyana had totally blanked at who to invite as it was obviously going to be a tense meal. And of course there was the no guy restriction so that also limited the potential folks. Blanked as any possible selections would not cause potential issues until she thought of two DC universe women she could invite as she was sure they had prior dealings with Amazons and Wonder Woman.
Which was how Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy ended up attending the feast when Illyana teleported to Themiscyra with them as her two guests. Yes, feast. Illyana had thought it was just Diana, not… a full scale feast of over thirty high ranking Amazons, Diana, and the Amazon Queen herself. And her choice of guests was most controversial to the Amazons, and Diana, as the selection must obviously be filled with subtle nuances. The before mentioned guests had not known that they were going to Amazon Island until just before the teleport (they were dressed up as was Illyana, she had told them that she had a dinner with Diana and wanted some moral support). They had not thought to ask where the meal was and Illyana was too nervous to mention it as she did not think the location was that important.
A comedy of errors would be how the Bard himself would have crafted it. A most… explosive setting.
Part 5c: Feasting
Diana was so on edge. A demon lord as a guest and two people whom she disliked, disliked quite significantly. Diana was sitting on the left hand side of her mother at the table as the right hand side was reserved for the guest of honor; which of course meant that Diana and Illyana were not able to conversion. And to the right of the guest of honor were her two guests. The main table was U shaped and at the bottom of the U was where the Queen sat, with Illyana on the right of the Queen, Ivy to the right of Illyana and Harley to the right of Ivy. At the base of the U table was a long table were additional guests were seated.
The Amazons were dressed in formal Greek style robes (Diana and her mother were in robes) or in formal armor. All three guests were dressed in a very formal dresses, Illyana in black, Ivy in green, and Harley in red.
Normally such an event would be filled with the sounds of dining and discussion, instead the primary sounds were the scrape of silverware upon plates as conversation was almost nonexistent. Hence… the common thought of boring… that literally everybody was having. Harley so wanted to whisper to Ivy "Red, I've seen more active wakes…" but managed to somehow refrain out respect for Illyana as Illyana had invited them (Who would have thunk it?)
BEGIN FLASHBACK1 (The invite)
Ivy and Harley had met Illyana at their Gotham penthouse, they had been in town for a few days when they had received Illyana's sudden request to join her for supper with Diana, dress formal. Harley had received the sudden, and brief, phone call.
"Um… Harley?"
"Yeah… who's dis?"
"Illyana."
"Illyana… Illy! How's it going! I didn't know you had my number."
"Oh… um… a friend gave it to me." A little white lie in that Illyana's phone had access to magical search engines, call it a Hell Lord perk. "I'm kind of in a bind and I was hopping you and Ivy could help me out."
Now Harley and Ivy had not encountered Illyana since that night in Gotham, but hasty and rash were two words that describe Harley quite well. "Sure, what's you need?"
"I'm having supper with Diana, Wonder Woman, tonight and I'd kind of like some moral support. Dress is formal."
Harley's eyes got big. "Wow… really?" Then a shout. "Ivy! Illy wants to know if we want to go out for supper with Wonder Woman tonight! Formal! Are we in!?"
Ivy was surprised, but shouted back from the shower. "Um… sure!"
"We in! When and where?"
"I'll pick you up in two hours?"
"Works!"
And two hours was sufficient for them to properly prepare, meaning they were dressed to kill, figuratively speaking in this case. This was Wonder Woman after all, Wonder Woman having supper with Harley and Ivy, oh and Illyana, but mostly Harley and Ivy!
Yea!
They had arrived!
Acceptance was now theirs in the super hero community!
Why… this was the proof!
Next Catty would be inviting them to go skiing in Switzerland or something with the Waynes!
Cut to the scene with Harley and Ivy, arm in arm, strutting down the street to the theme song from the TV show Jeffersons…
Well, we're moving on up… to the East side
To a deluxe apartment in the sky
Moving on up to the East side
We finally got a piece of the pie
Fish don't fry in the kitchen
Beans don't burn on the grill
Took a whole lotta trying
Just to get up that hill
Now we're up in the big leagues
Getting our turn at bat
As long as we live, it's you and me baby
There ain't nothing wrong with that
Well, we're moving on up to the East side
To a deluxe apartment in the sky
Moving on up to the East side
We finally got a piece of the piiiieeeeee!
Ahh… it was a good delusion.
END FLASHBACK1
In hindsight Illyana supposed she should have double checked with Bruce about this invite. Oh well…
The multi course food was good, very Greek ethnic, the wine selection was likewise lovely, but tended to be a bit sweet. The entertainment was nice, which took place in the center of the U table. There was singing, some ritual dances, some nice ritualize sword fighting, and even a poetry recital (which was way boring… as most poetry recitals are, something about a female deer in the moonlight).
Interestingly, both Diana and Illyana felt that the purpose of accepting the dinner invite had been completely lost as neither was actually in a position to speak to the other with any privacy as Diana's mother was between them, and there were so many listening ears.
A sigh, from the both of them.
Diana was very much on edge. She had never meant for Illyana to be on Themiscyra, much less being feasted. Likewise her two guests, the choice of which left Diana pondering and searching for hidden meanings. Why… them? Why on earth had Magik invited Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn as her guests?
Was it an insult?
A message?
If so what message?
Or was the search for meaning but a ruse?
BEGIN FLASHBACK2 (Arrival)
Illyana had teleported into the penthouse two hours later, dressed very formally, and she found the two likewise dressed.
"Good you're ready." Was Illyana's assessment as she looked the two over with approval.
Grins from Harley and Ivy, they had been concerned about their choices (Hair, Dress, Cosmetics…) but Illyana's satisfied looking nod put those concerns to rest.
"So… where are we going Illy?" Had been Harley's oh so casual question.
The answer of. "Amazon island." Was not what they expected. Resulting in a…
"What?!" Of a squawk from both Harley and Ivy as a teleportation disk whisked them to a small plaza where Diana and her mother awaited, with a dual purpose honor guard (just in case things went sideways).
A squawk that was echoed by Diana upon seeing the guests that Illyana had brought.
"What?!" Although a bit less loud.
The elbow of a nudge from Diana's mother set Diana back on course as Diana said the words she never thought she would ever utter to Magik, much less Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn. "Oh… greetings. Welcome to Themiscyra."
Ivy and Harley both whispered the same statement to each other. "Pinch me, this must be a dream."
END FLASHBACK2
There had been no real small talk, instead they had been escorted to the feasting hall, seated, and food served while the Queen announced various entertainments, all of which emphasized some aspect of Themiscyra society; culture, art, or martial prowess.
And the other guests, all significant members of Themiscyra society, just ate with very little conversation with their peers. Ate, watched, and waited… Why waiting? Well, how many stories start with a hell lord, an earth goddess, and an agent of chaos walkinginto a bar… Hmmm… in hindsight likely very few but the situation was fraught with peril.
Obviously a fight would break out.
Perhaps an invasion of demons?
Assassination attempt upon the Queen?
Or…
Sigh…
Suffice it to say all three 'guests' felt like they were on display, likewise did Diana. Harley, being the one closest to an Amazon, other then Illyana being next to the Queen, had attempted, several times, to strike up a conversation but had been rebuffed. But finally Harley achieved a conversational breakthrough right after the poetry reading while dessert was served. Harley had commented about how the wine was nice, but she still preferred Napa Valley wines (which was really just an attempt at conversation, after all, Harley liked pink ripple mixed with Seven-Up for crying out loud).
"Nothing from the world of Men is of any value." Stated the Amazon with a tone that combined both pride and distain.
Internal sighs from Illyana, Harley, Ivy, and secretly Diana. The Amazons were so… Amazonian in their world view. But Harley, being Harley, issued a rebuttal from way out in left field.
"Mayonnaise." Was Harley's reply.
Some confusion from the Amazon. "Come again?"
A sexual reference of a reply from Harley that did cause Ivy to slightly choke on her wine. "Always honey, but Mayonnaise, dat's from man's world as you gals like to say, and from a Frenchie dude of a guy at that so extra testosterone points."
A look of irritation from the Amazon as to Harley's observation and a sniff of disregard, which annoyed Ivy and prompted her to inject. "Puff pastry."
"What?" Asked another Amazon who had overheard, in truth most had as so little conversation was taking place.
"Puff Pastry." Stated Ivy. "Another thing from man's world, and definitely a tasty component of this very feast. And again French. "
"Oh yeah, those little mushroom and cream things." Declared Harley with delight and a clap of her hands. "M-m good. I make mine with Campbell's cream of chicken concentrate soup and some nuggets from Mickey Ds."
"That was phyllo dough." Sniffs the second Amazon. "Greek phyllo dough."
"Nope." Replies Ivy. "That was puff pastry." And in fact it was, but that was not going to make any difference in the conversation. "And I believe the croissants are as well."
Illyana, not picking up on the tense vibe, and thankful for something interesting, added. "Barbeque." A statement that had both Ivy and Harley nodding their heads.
"Woman can barbeque just as good as a man, if not better." Stated the original Amazon with air quotes around the word barbeque. A statement that did incite a slight wince from Diana. Why you ask? Diana was quite the world traveler, and specifically had been to the American South and knew what Magik was likely speaking of.
Definite shakes of the head expressing disagreement from Illyana, Harley, and Ivy as Illyana stated. "Nope, nadda, that is a negatory ghost rider. No women is silly enough to be that obsessed about burning meat on a grill. That is a definite man kind of thing and hence they are better at it. Logan's tri-tip and ribs are the best I've ever had."
"Ohhhh." Said a wide eyed Harley as she gave Ivy a nudge under the table. "Man meat… mmmmm."
Ivy added. "Cooking shops have women in them, and men. Go into any barbeque supply store and it's mostly men."
"Chocolate…" Injected Harley. "Dark chocolate… dark chocolate covered strawberries and dried cherries."
Sudden silence as one of the most carefully concealed secrets of the Amazons had just accidently been revealed, their Love Of Chocolate… Dark Chocolate. And a definite Man's world vice. The Amazonas had a series of carefully concealed, woman owned, sources of supply, but little did they know that Lex Luthor controlled all of them, much to his evil glee.
Diana fought a sudden sense of internal panic as she opened her mouth to say some de-conflicting words but she was too late.
"There is nothing a man can do that I can't do better." Huffed the original Amazon.
What Harley wanted to say was… "Betcha they can pee standing up better then you can." But… that would be rude, not that Harley cared, the only thing that restrained her (in this case) was that she was Illyana's guest and did not want to embarrass her. So instead…
"Naaa…" Rebuffed Harley. "If Illy says that Logan's barbecue is better then hell yeah, sign this gal up for some of that man's meat."
Which resulted in a sudden rising tide of opposing statements as to the preparation of meat before Diana, to her subsequent horror, found that her mother had purposed an actual barbeque competition between the genders of all things (which is another story but in did involve Thor, Logan, and Captain America vs. three Amazons in the battle of meat; three very single males, to answer the question as… can Amazons beat man meat?).
But the topic of meat, which was an obvious double entendre for some, provoked a whole litany of conversational topic to suddenly erupted from the hereto silent Amazons, a not uncommon occurrence when Harley was present; something she was quite smug about as she felt it was a secret power.
"Meat is murder!"
"Modern feminist theory of food dictates that we should be vegan!"
"Bunk on vegan. I like meat!"
"Of course you do. But what kind of meat are we talking about? I always knew you still wanted men, just like Diana does!"
Diana's… dalliances with men in Man's world, was an issue with more then a few Amazons.
"Potatoes should be banded!" Shouted one Amazon who was a leader of a fringe Amazon vegetarian front.
"What…?!" Was the reply of more then a few.
"They look… like a scrotum! Male oppression in food form!"
"And turnips!" Shouted another. "Some look like a thingie!" Something that some Amazons felt should be banned from all food that might looked like a man's… thingie.
Harley just had to add with a loud whisper to Ivy that everybody in the vicinity heard. "When I was working in Arkham there was an inmate we nicknamed the turnip as he had a thingie that looked like one."
Ivy replied a tad less loudly. "Thingie? What are we, back in the third grade?"
That's when Harley remembered something else that men were better at as she turned to the Amazon on her right with a smirk. "So you claim to be able to do anything better then a man. Bet you can't do a hairy back as good a man can."
Ivy added while looking down her nose in distain. "Nope, I think you're wrong Harls, this one would win that particular competition."
Which was an… unfortunate statement as this Amazon was very self conscious about that little personal detail. Resulting in a half eaten cup cake (another thing from Man's world but who's counting) being flung at Ivy. Who dodged the half eaten red velvet cup cake projectile which meant that…
It hit Illyana dead center in her left cheek as she turned towards the altercation.
Sudden silence as the cup cap slid down her face and fell with a plop on the table leaving a cream cheese icing smear down her cheek.
What would she do?
Was it war?
A fight to the death for the culprit?
Might earth herself be doomed?
Illyana wiped the smear from her cheek with a finger, and then gave it a taste before saying. "Thanks, but next time I'll get my own."
Disaster averted!
But… the insult meant that the Queen offered Illyana an obligatory invite to spend the night, an offer that was surprisingly accepted as both Ivy and Harley had looked upon the offer with both delight and had given Illyana puppy dog looks of pleading.
Which turned out to be a positive as it did allow Illyana and Diana to have a quiet breakfast the next day and actually discuss some things which had been Diana's original intent. Diana was not happy with the what that discussed but… at least she had less concerns that Illyana was secretly planning war.
Part 5d: Afters
The guest room for the trio, a villa to be accurate, was splendid in that Hollywood version of a Greek or Roman palace might of look. Think marble columns, towering ceiling, a few blazing urns for decorative light, and of course marble floors.
The three were relaxing about, all somewhat thankful that the feast was over. A fresh bottle of wine was being consumed, nice wine, not the crap the Amazons drink (or so Harley thought as she did not like pine sap in her wine).
Fragments of conversation between the three, things had started off mild, but all three just connected at a conversational level, at first just some light topics.
…
"This place is an absolute dick desert." Declared Harley.
"Harls, the island is populated by lesbians." Was the calm reply from Ivy. "Men are banned on pain of death from setting foot here."
"Supposedly… but I have my doubts." Said Harley. "My little eye spied way too much interest when man meat was mentioned. Plus they gave up men back in the bronze age or something, talk about a long term dick famine. I bet if the U.S. Marines hit the beach dressed in nothing but Speedo, and armed with Hershey bars, that half of the island would be preggers within a month."
Illyana and Ivy both choked on their wine due to their laughter. Especially after Harley described the scene.
BEGIN HARLEY DESCRIPTION
We see the Amazons lined up on the beach, like the Spartans in the film 300, large brass shields held up in front with spears projecting forward, as the enemy stormed their shores.
It was the U.S. Marines! Very buff male U.S. Marines and a sprinkling of a few busty female Marines as well. The men are wearing only a Speedos with the symbol of the Marine Corps on their prominent crotch bulge, the women are wearing but tiny thong bikinis, again with the Marine Corps symbol on each breast. They were storming the beach, all in slow motion, armed with but backpacks bulging with chocolate bars, why… so many that bars were falling out as they ran.
The Marines stop as they exit the water and confront the Amazons, then… chocolate bars are thrown like grenades while several start to lather themselves in chocolate syrup.
It's… too much. The Amazons break as they drop their spears and shield as they…
END HARLEY DESCRIPTION
"The few, the Proud, the Marines." Laughs Ivy after she recovered. "What a sight that would be."
…
And some more serious topics.
…
"The times with Mr. J were interesting, fun. Good highs, but lot's of lows and…" A grimace by Harley as Ivy gave her a hug. "The lows kept getting lower and more often and the highs… ever less high. And then… the abuse. Kind of got… got… tired of being…"
Ivy rather snarled as she finished Harley's sentence. "Hurt."
…
…
"Just… hated everybody." Mutter's Ivy. "It was Harley, when I was in Arkham Asylum, who was the first person to really try and reach out. She… let me have sunlight in my cell and even let me have a tiny plant."
…
…
"You're the only one who doesn't ask why." Commented Harley.
"Why what?" Inquired Illyana.
Ivy answered. "Why we acted as we did. Why we were the bad guys."
A bit of a shrug from Illyana. "Well… kind of been there, done that so…"
"So no need." Finished Harley with a nod.
…
…
"Really… no gift shop of worth. Heck no shop at all." Complained Harley. "I figured that Amazon Island would at least have a cool selection of stuff."
"Thermopolis." Corrected Ivy. "Call it Thermopolis, they don't like it being called Amazon Island. And what kind of stuff?"
"You know, lotions, hair products, perfumes, cosmetics, Poo-Pourri, clothing… like Vegas has. But no… lame lame lame. I guess another thing Man's world does better."
"You did get the tee-shirt." Pointed out Illyana.
"Pfff… as I said, lame-o." Sniffed Harley as she held up the before mentioned tee-shirt, it read (I went to Thermopolis and all I got was this lousy tee-shirt). Diana had felt quite smug about that, especially after Harley's expression.
"And it's too small as well." Was Harley's continued complaint as she promptly stripped off her dress, to Illyana's surprise, and put on the tee-shirt (she had on some Frostie panties, but no bra) It fit, but it really highlighted her breasts with tight clinginess.
…
…
"Is it always raining in Gotham?" Asked Illyana. She has noticed that the city did appear to be wet a great deal whenever she visited.
"Fifty percent chance any given night." Replied Harley after some thought.
"Fifty point two three." Added Ivy. "And if there is a full moon there are always scattered clouds with a chance for rain."
A statement that resulted in the other two to giving her inquiring looks as to her exactness. Which prompted "What? I plotted it out once in Excel. At one point I realized the weather statistics for Gotham were different then the surrounding area, bit of a micro climate."
"A broody micro climate." Added Illyana with a laugh. "And the seventeen hour nights?"
Neither Ivy or Harley had any idea what Illyana was talking about so Illyana clarified. "It's like always night there. I'd swear the day goes fast and the night just linger forever."
"Gotham's a dark place." Said Harley after some thought. "But the nights are not any longer than…"
She fell silent as she exchanged a glance with Ivy. Yeah… Now that they thought upon it, nights did seem extra long in Gotham compared to the rest of the country.
…
…
"You don't like Kale?" Illyana's face indicated that she most certainly did not.
"No…" Confessed Ivy. "Good plant but… it's really is yuck on the taste."
"I think the Bat likes it." Commented Harley. And that was a yes as Bat Smoothie Number seven did involve Kale.
Shivers from all three as to the taste of Kale.
…
…
"Really irritating." Commented Illyana.
The conversation had shifted to education, Pamela and Harley both had Doctorate degrees whereas Illyana had never even graduated high school and had never bothered to get a GED. For example, she did not really know what a financial derivative was, nor did she care. Now Illyana never pretended to be skilled in issues that she knew nothing about, but she knew and understood more then some people realized. She continued.
"Some… just assume that I'm stupid or ignorant because of that, and I'm not the best speller in English, better in Latin. And I rather suck at math, man Kitty was forever tutoring me. I did correct some of my deficiencies while being locked in the X-Brigg but…"
Pamela and Harley both had their own issues with educational harassment, but being thought stupid was normally not one of them, although more then a few tended to discount Harley due to her antics.
"Haters got to hate." Finished Ivy. "But I'm surprised folks would try dismiss you. Sounds like a poor life style choice."
Illyana gave a few quotes without naming names. "Gee Illyana, I've found those who lack higher education tend to think that way. I have some books that will correct your obvious educational deficiencies. How on earth can you state that? Oh, forgot that you never graduated. Some of us paid attention in school."
"Wow… sounds rather stupid." Added Harley who was rummaging under the bar for a new bottle of wine. "Any repeat offenders?"
A grin from Illyana as she knew exactly what Harley was getting at; demure and meek did not describe Illyana. "Few… I am a Sorceress Supreme after all, one of the Great Captains, and some might say I have a tendency to be… violent. Most of my education is no traditional, only got formal education for a few years starting at thirteen. Better at Latin then anybody I know, other the Stephen that is." Illyana and Stephen would usually conversion in either Latin or a demonic language if nobody else was present. "Combat wise I've had more field experience then almost anybody, not to mention leading actual armies. Plus…"
"Plus…?" Inquired Pammy and Harley.
A far more wicked grin. "I like to feed people their own cooking." Meaning Illyana liked making disrespectful people eat their words.
Answering nods from Ivy and Harley. They also tended to behave that way.
…
…
"Didn't… like being touched without permission" Confessed Illyana after another sip. Illyana was talking about her state of mind after she was brought back by Belasco. "Even… Kitty. Reminded me of… bad memories."
…
…
"NASCAR?" Was Illyana's questioning statement.
Ivy was a bit embarrassed. "I know… I know… But I really do find the races fun to watch."
"Don't they just drive around in a circle?" Pointed out a doubting Illyana.
"With style!" Enthused Harley. "I tried to sponsor a car called Strawberry Douche!"
Illyana exchanged a look with Ivy who gave a small nod, yes Harley had really tried to do that.
…
…
"Yes… my touch is actually poisonous for most people. Prolonged contact can be lethal." Confessed Ivy. "That's in part why I gave Harley the special potion to protect her."
"Pffff." Was Illyana's comment. "Poison… not really effective against me."
Illyana's dismissal annoyed Ivy. "I, and others, found out by very unfortunate circumstances."
Illyana picked up upon the social mistake she had committed. "Sorry, wasn't being dismissive, just well… I suppose it's best to show." With that Illyana conjured a wine glass filled with a bright yellow liquid that she offered to Ivy for inspection.
A brief sniff from Ivy, followed by the statement from Ivy as to its toxicity (Ivy is an expert on poisons). A nod of agreement from Illyana, then before Ivy or Harley could stop her, Illyana drained the glass, then made a face as the liquid was quite bitter.
"Yuck."
Wide eyed looks from Ivy and Harley, but the only reaction from Illyana was a slight burp (ladies burp, it's men that belch). Then a comment. "I sometimes Jacuzzi in molten rock. Venus is nice as it's also a good sauna as well, the moon of Io sulphur baths are less hot but the view is fantastic. Really good for muscle aches and hangovers. That whole demon thing. Oh, and I find that a good pyroclastic flow is a fantastic skin peel."
"Good to know." States Ivy with an appraising look as she and Harley exchanged a glance.
…
…
"…Yeah, I get that too." Commented Illyana.
The discussion was about what other heroes and supers thought of them, them being Illyana, Ivy, and Harley.
Nods from Ivy and Harley, they had already discussed how most heroes did not really trust them, not that they were heroes, but past deeds did significantly color current interactions. Illyana continued.
"Distrust from most, and frankly a better reaction then some; keep in mind that that's just fellow mutants. Folks have tried to kill me more then a few times. Now I like keeping the Avengers on edge, a reminder that screwing with me or mine is a really bad idea; heck I think it's currently… oh… ten to zip my favor. Really want them, and others, to remember that. That the next time they pick the side against mutants that they know that their picking the losing side. Really liked reminding the Inhumans of that."
A bit of a sigh from Illyana. "Wish they'd gone with my plan during the whole Inhuman Mutants conflict. Would have solved it really fast."
"What was your plan?" Asked Harley.
Illyana finished off her glass of wine, and then answered as she held out her glass for a refill from Ivy. "Simple, kill the Inhuman Royal family, kill all who wished to fight to defend the Terrigen cloud that was killing all the mutants, and kick their Inhuman asses off the planet as they were living the freaking moon in the first place anyway."
A brief look between Ivy and Harley. A look that said yeah, thought she was like us.
"I get along with the spell casting community just fine, but most of the normal super hero groups I'm tolerated at best."
…
…
"Really… you don't have a thing for Batman?" Asked a somewhat doubting Ivy of Illyana.
"Naaa, not my type. Respect him you bet but… just not my thing." Was Illyana's reply after a sip of wine.
"Not even Nightwing's ass?" Injected Harley. "Now that's an ass! So toned… so buff… so just… in your face. Makes you wana reach out and grab it!"
Illyana had bit of a smirk. "No… and not Batman either."
Harley and Ivy got a far away look in their eye as they both uttered. "Mmmmm… Batman."
Apparently almost all female villains and heroes had a thing for Batman at least at some point in their career. Pammy and Harley certainly had. Well, still more of a have then had to be precise as they'd both do him in an instance if the opportunity were to present itself if their faraway looks were any indication.
"Just imagine…" Mused Harley. "If Bats and Nightwing were stripped naked, dipped in chocolate and dropped on this island."
"Dark chocolate?" Asked Ivy with a grin.
"Dark knight, dark chocolate." Answered back Harley.
Just a shake of Illyana's head as Harley and Ivy proceeded to get very naughty on describing things. Whipped cream quickly entered into the conversation, as well as cherries and…
…
…
"A dimension of hair?" Was Pammy's somewhat incredulous statement. Harley had asked Illyana about any really weird places she'd visited.
"Beards." Corrected Illyana. "Beards everywhere. And don't get me started about all the loose hair. Blazes, I think half the ecosystem revolved around eating all that hair. And the economy was well."
"I'll bet." Grinned Harley. "Just imagine Red if all woman had beards. Triple then number of hair products and stylists."
"They didn't just shave?" Asked Pammy as she took a sip of wine.
Which prompted a nod of agreement from Harley. Pammy and Harley were both very much members of the shave it smooth tribe for any hair that was not on top of their heads.
"And just get burned at the stake if their lucky?" Was Illyana's reply. "If their unlikely then it's slow dismemberment first. No, at that place folks really like beards, and really have issues with those who lack a beard."
Harley giggled. "Wow, Nair would then be a chemical weapon."
Pammy followed up. "We'd need aerosolize it. Hmm, I take that back as it would be bad for the lungs."
"Paint ball pellets?" Suggested Harley. "Or perhaps… grenades!"
A shake of Pammy's head. "You and grenades Harls." Pammy was convinced that Harley was way too grenade fixated.
Harley's eyes got big. "Or… a bomb. A big bomb."
"The beard bomb! Surrender it there will Nair be a hair left." Giggled back Pammy.
Harley got a sudden suspicious expression. "Unless you're just pulling our leg Illy."
"Naaaa, the place is real." Was Illyana's somewhat distracted reply, the whole idea of a beard bomb was intriguing. Why… add some magic and… BOOM! Genocidal hair removal!
After some pleas from Harley, Illyana agreed to a brief trip, but first they had to put on some fake beards. Pammy's fake beard was red and very bushy, Harley went for a goatee that was black on one side, white on the other, with a few red highlights. Illyana went for a Gandalf grade blonde beard and… off they went in a light disk.
A few moments later, but about an hour or so for our returned trio, they return in another flash of light. Returned with torn fake beards, some twigs in Pammy'ys hair and a kitten protectively held by Harley to her chest.
The kitten was Siamese like, with matt black, and was purring. Oh, and it had a beard, a forked one and rather curly that extended all the way around the head like a little mane. And the kitten was giving off the most cutest meows in-between purring.
"I told you they really hate the whole idea of those who lack beards." Said Illyana who promptly retrieved her wine glass and drained it while pulling off the remainder her beard.
Pammy gave a shudder. "Everything had beards! Everything. Trees, shrubs, bugs… I even saw rocks with beards! Babies even. And I kept sneezed from all the dandruff!"
Illyana found an open wine bottle and refilled her glass. "I told you."
Pammy likewise retrieved her glass, after first removing her beard and getting the twigs of out of her hair. "Well, a certain place needs a Nair bomb. And now what Harls?" Meaning the kitten.
Harley found a saucer and retrieved some milk from the mini fridge, yes even Amazons have mini fridges in their guest rooms (a Korean import from Man's world). "I couldn't leave the poor guy. I mean… after we saved him. I'll see if Selina wants him."
"A bearded cat." Points out Pammy. Then a quick glance at the behind of the kitten before announcing. "And a female one, not male."
"A kitten, with a beard." Counters Harley. "Talk about a unique breed."
"Assuming the genes are dominant." Mused Pammy. "Well, Selina might not want another cat."
"If so, then we'll keep the little gal." Answers Harley. "What a cute little puddy tat!"
Author's note: So what happens to the cute little gal was that she was named Barbanera, which is Italian for Blackbeard, and the... Well… that's another story, and likely one that LordGrise will desire to tell.
…
…
The kitten was on the prowl, in as much a kitten prowls that is. She got ready, then lunged! As much a kitten can lunge which means not at all, and went for the string that Pammy was dangling.
"Scott's a good guy." Commented Illyana. "Lacks the Batman vib, but really competent. A plus is that ever since he's come back from the dead he lacks that stick up his ass."
"Yeah…" Added Harley. "Know a whole bunch of supers with a stick up their ass. Starting with most of the Justice League.."
…
…
"We're kind of twins on how we dress." Stated Harley to Illyana. The kitten, for those who want to know, is bedded down in a small box and fast asleep.
More then a little confusion from Illyana. "In what possible way?"
"I… see it now that you mention it." Injects Ivy as she looks at the two.
"See what?" Says Illyana.
Ivy points out. "Your getup is all black Illyana, Harvey's field costume is red and black, but… you both have short shorts, a top that shows the belly, leggings, practical footwear, gloves and such. Your physiques are also similar, Harls is a bit shorter and a tad less busty with a bit more butt, but… I bet you could switch costumes."
Harley smiles. "Bet we would look like twins."
…
…
"See… twinsies!" Beamed Harley as Illyana and Harley compared themselves in a mirror while a bemused Ivy looked on in the background. Illyana was wearing Harley's field costume of black and red short shorts, the belly exposing top, also black and white, and the long stockings, one black and one white, while Harley was dressed in Illyana's tight black leather short shorts, crop top, boots with thigh high leather, and long black gloves. And Illyana was not commando this time as she had on some white Frosties (not the batman themed ones).
Illyana had cast a spell to slightly alter the clothing as Illyana's ass was more lean and she had bigger breasts. Ivy was about to comment on the hair and skin pigment differences but a sudden spell by Illyana fixed that as Harley's pale white skill faded into a slight tan while Illyana's went albino. Likewise Harley's hair shifted to blonde, as Illyana's went white with the pink and black highlights.
The two poised in the mirror as Ivy gave a nod of approval. Not quite identical, but close.
"Thanks for loosening up the shorts, felt like my butt was never going to fit in them." Stated Harley. "Yours is more of a runners butt."
Which elicited an odd comment from Illyana as she frowned at her reflection. "Boney."
A command Harley misinterpreted "Well yeah, who wouldn't want to grab on and have fun."
"No… boney as in not much there. That's what Thor called my ass."
Gasps of horror from Ivy and Harley at the affront. Ivy was most direct in her reply. "I hope you made him pay for making such a statement."
A bit of a giggle from Illyana that she quickly stifled, gads she hated it when she giggled. "I did, and it was the Avengers, not just Thor."
Ivy refilled all three wine glasses. "A tease like that means there must be a good story."
Harley quickly drained half of her glass, then. "Give it up girl."
After some protesting, and more drinking, Illyana did finally recount the tale, a story that left Ivy and Harley collapsed with laughter on the floor (Author's note: For full details see Chapter 5 and 6 of What to do about Magik. Ahh… that was so fun… so evil).
"So… there was a sale of Frosties at Bloomingdales…"
Ivy and Harley's eyes lit up. Frosties! And a Sale?!
"… Which Kitty told me was neutral ground, no fighting. Apparently all the powered women banded together and wrote some kind of treaty that said no fighting at Bloomingdales. Frankly I think Emma set the whole thing up but she's never confessed…"
More wine was consumed.
"… so of course the stupid male Avengers, and Spiderman, show up. I found out later they were pranking me for a prank I did…" (Author's note: See Magik Mischief for details).
"… Naked! I was Naked in the middle of Fucking Bloomingdales! With THOR of all people declaring to one and all that my ass was too bony for him. Then the idiots posted a video of the whole thing on the Internet!"
Shock! Shock at the dastardly deed! Declarations from Ivy and Harley that death was not sufficient!
"… So I banished them to Limbo and then got massively drunk…"
Which prompted nods from Ivy and Harley, sometimes getting wasted was the only way to deal with a problem. Which resulted in another bottle of wine being opened.
"… Storm talked me out of killing them, felt that it was too easy. Instead…"
Illyana then described just what she did. How they were punished. Punishments that Harley and Ivy found hysterically funny, especially what happened to Thor and SpiderMan.
"… all the good chocolate in New York. Yeah… all. I think it took… oh… five or size C5 cargo planes to deliver it..."
Found so funny that they had all collapsed laughing on the floor, likewise Illyana.
Leaving their heads adjacent as they lay there laughing. Ivy and Harley were lengthwise in one direction with Illyana between.
Laughing… rather drunk… blissed out… as…
Ivy reached out and turned Illyana's face to face her…
Illyana's blue eyes gazed into Ivy's green eyes, then a long gentle kiss from Ivy…
Then…
Harley turned Illyana's head her way.
Blue eyes gazed into blue eyes.
Another slow kiss…
Then…