Tales Of The Flame & The Ax: A Shooting Star Falls Story

Part Forty-Five: She's Lost Control Again

The next morning, Wendy awoke to her alarm going off. "Ugh..." she groaned while rolling over to see that it was indeed time to get ready for work. Although she would never say it, she resented Dipper a bit because he hardly ever had to wake up early in the morning. Sure, he would get up to get the girls ready for school, but that allowed him to rest for a few more hours. She got out of bed and made her way to the bathroom, where she soon shed her sleep clothes. For the first time a while, she paused and stared at herself in the mirror. Although there were some subtle signs of aging, overall, she was still satisfied with how she looked for a woman of her age. "Damn, girl. Still got it..." she remarked before stepping into the shower. The warm water cascaded over her porcelain skin as she thought about what had happened the previous evening. She was still half convinced that it had been nothing more than a dream. Surely, they hadn't found a hidden bunker full of wildly expensive cars and been left enough money to make sure that their daughters would never need for anything in their lives again once they turned thirty. It seemed like the things of nothing more than pure imagination. "No. I was there. It totally happened" she reassured herself while reaching for her bottle of sandalwood scented body wash. Spreading the suds over her body, she paused when she reached the tattoo covered scar on her forearm and began to trace it with her finger. She couldn't believe that it had been over sixteen years since she tried to end her life. Her mind began to drift to what would have happened if she had been successful in her attempt.

A secondary alarm on her phone shook her from the dark thoughts that had overcome her and she soon exited the shower. After donning her uniform, she glanced at a family portrait that hung on the wall near the front door; a small smile forming on her face as she did so. After locking the house, Wendy climbed into her sport utility vehicle and was soon on her way to downtown Gravity Falls. She tried to distract herself with a punk rock channel on her satellite radio during the drive, but the thoughts she had cast away crept into her mind once more. "Why now?" she asked herself in a somewhat desperate tone as Greasy's Diner came into view. After parking the large vehicle, she made her way inside the local staple and spied her best friend already seated at a booth. "Geez... You look like hell, Wen. Everything alright?" Tambry asked while passing a mug of coffee to the auburn-haired woman. "Is it that noticeable?" she asked the mocha skinned reporter before taking a sip of the hot beverage. "Honestly... Yeah. I don't really know how to explain it, but you just don't have that light in your eyes that you usually have" Tambry replied. "I-I don't know why... But I'm just not feeling right this morning..." she replied. Tambry took the hands of her best friend and looked her straight in the eye. "You need to call Claire. I know this look. You thought about doing it again, didn't you?" she asked in a very concerned voice. "I mean, I was thinking about a lot of stuff this morning. It's like, I dunno... Like, I should be really happy, but my mind is trying to bring up all this bad stuff for no reason. Mason and I actually just got some amazing news. The kind of news that can change our lives forever. I should be on top of the world right now" the emerald eyed woman explained.

"YOU'RE PREGGERS?! OH MY GOD! CONGRATS!" Tambry shouted as the other patrons of the restaurant turned their attention to violet haired woman. "NO! I'M NOT PREGNANT! Not pregnant, folks! Wendy Pines is definitely not pregnant!" she declared in a voice loud enough that the other diners could hear; her face quickly turning red from embarrassment. Greasy's was the hotbed of town gossip and Wendy could only hope that this wouldn't spread through the town by the end of the day. "S-Sorry about that. It's just the way you said it implied that you were. I mean, amazing and life changing news? What else could it be?" Tambry said in an apologetic tone. "Look... I'm not gonna say much, but let's just say that Pacifica Northwest gave the girls a little early sweet sixteen gift. Actually... A pretty big gift" Wendy said as she hoped to convince the purple haired woman that she was not with child. "A gift? Like, money?" the reporter prodded. She knew the thirty-six year old woman was likely to confirm her suspicions, but she still tried to get an answer out of her anyway. "That's between the girls and Pacifica. Nice try though, ace reporter..." Wendy replied in a teasing tone. "I know how to get it out of you, Corduroy. If I recall correctly, about half a bottle of whisky should do the trick..." Tambry said with a smirk. "We're not seventeen anymore, Tambers. I'm not gonna get shitfaced and reveal all my deepest and darkest secrets to you like I did back then..." the redhead said in a bit of an annoyed tone. "C'mon, that was hella fun! I got to learn all about how you couldn't stop thinking about Dipper and that your serial dating was just a way to distract yourself from it. You thought you could find Mr. Right and he would just make you forget all about him, didn't you?" Tambry shot back. The two sat in silence for a minute as the tension between the pair continued to build.

"You're getting pretty damn close to stepping on a non-negotiable fuckin' landmine there. I'd tread lightly if I were you..." Wendy growled at the woman seated across the table from her. She had sometimes questioned her friendship with the violet haired woman and this was quickly becoming one of them. "Wendy... I-I'm sorry. I was just playin'... I didn't mean to get you all wound up" Tambry apologized; the act of contrition coming as a complete shock to Wendy. "Thanks. So... Anyway... I don't know why I'm feeling this way. Like I said, things are going pretty well, all things considered. We beat a dream demon, saved the world, Dipper might be getting his show, the girls are about to go back to school and work is alright... It's just like my mind thinks that I'm not allowed to be happy" Wendy remarked before taking another sip of her coffee. "Wen, I'm not really qualified to give you any sort of advice on this or anything, but as your friend... I think... I think you're afraid of things just going right for once without something bad happening. I mean, I've known you for most of your life and it seems like something is always right there to knock you down the second you find any bit of happiness. You're doing good in school and your mother passes away. You meet some awesome friends and they go back home at the end of the summer. You become a cop and the worst crime to ever happen in the town's history takes place. Mabel and Pacifica die. You and Dipper find out you are having kids and he gets mowed down by some psycho fangirl of Robbie's. I mean, I get it. You're just perpetually waiting for the other shoe to drop" the reporter said. "Yeah. I'm just afraid of what's coming next. Life is good. Too good. Something's gotta happen. Maybe aliens invade or Yellowstone erupts or the big one happens and something happens to Dipper's parents back in Piedmont. Everything good in my life has a consequence. It's just how it goes" Wendy remarked. The response almost made Tambry cry, as she felt for her lifelong friend.

Their food had been delivered, but it continued to sit on the table uneaten as Tambry and Wendy continued to converse about life. "Don't go to work. Go see Claire. Well, first eat that breakfast sandwich, then go see Claire" Tambry said. "Y-You know what? I think that's what I'll do. The worst thing I could do is just to ignore this feeling and end up making it worse. This time of year is already rough enough for Mason and I'd hate to make it any harder than it has to be on account of me" Wendy agreed. "No. Don't do it for Mason or anyone else other than yourself. You matter too, Wen" Tambry said in a concerned tone. "Okay... Who are you and what have you done with the real Tambry?" Wendy joked before taking a bite of her bacon, egg and cheese bagel. "You're my girl. I really do care about you. I know I'm not the best friend in the world sometimes, but I don't know what I'd do without you. You've put up with so much of my shit over the years and yet here you are... Having breakfast with me. Just like every morning. I get worried when you're like this. I think about that day that Dipper and I found you in the cemetery. I-I..." she began to reply before breaking down; tears falling from her hazel eyes and streaming down her cheeks like a pair of twin rivers. "I know. I know. We've been through a lot, haven't we?" Wendy said before getting up and joining her best friend on the other side of the table. She wrapped the emotional woman up in a tight hug. "Don't worry, Tambry. I'm not going anywhere. I promise. We're friends till the end. I'm a little fucked up in the head, but I'd never put you or anyone else I care about in that position again. The last thing I'd wanna do is hurt you any more than I already have" she reassured Tambry. "I'm gonna hold you to that, Corduroy..." the journalist replied before digging into her meal.

After an emotional breakfast, Wendy returned to her sport utility vehicle and called into work. Her second call was to Dr. Claire Bourdais, who quickly cleared her schedule in order to see the troubled woman. About half an hour later, Wendy found herself sitting in the office of her mother-in-law. "So, I understand you've had some thoughts of self-harm today" the white coat clad woman said. "Y-Yeah. I'm embarrassed to say it, but while in the shower this morning I did. Also, while I was driving to get breakfast" Wendy replied as she took a seat. "What do you suppose brought these feeling on?" the dark-haired woman inquired in her thick French accent. "I think it's because I received some unusually good news. I-I think that I'm afraid of something even worse happening as way to balance things out. It always seems to work out that way in my experience..." the ginger woman replied. "Okay. And why do you think life has to balance out like this. That any time you experience joy that it must be followed by pain or grief?" Claire asked. "I think it goes back to when my mother passed away. I remember doing so well in school that they were considering advancing me to the next grade. My parents were so excited and proud of me. I remember my mom saying that I had a bright future ahead of me. That I was going to make something of myself and leave a mark on the world. That night, she died. It's like, I dunno. It just seems like every time after that, any time I had something good happen, something worse would follow. You know my past. You can't say that I'm wrong for thinking that way. I-If you got the news I just got, you'd be waiting for something catastrophic to happen" Wendy said. Claire had wanted to jump in several times, but thought it best for the younger woman to fully express herself.

"I see. This is actually quite interesting. I've read about this, but never come across a case of Cherophobia before. It's an anxiety disorder brought on by the belief that one is not allowed to experience joy in their life without consequence. That if something good happens, something worse will soon follow. Is this how you feel, Wendy?" Claire said. "Yeah. Exactly how I feel, Claire. So... Why am I this way? I-Is there a way to treat this?" the ginger woman replied; hopeful that there was light at the end of the tunnel for her. "The research I've read on it strongly suggests that it is brought on by trauma endured in the past. I'd say you certainly fall into that category. The good news is that like any other post-traumatic stress disorder, it can be managed. What we've accomplished today is to put a name to the face of your worries. Now that we know what it is, we can work to mitigate its effects on your daily life. Now, that's not to say that you'll be cured. As we know from our past sessions, it is a treatment plan, not a cure. There will be challenging days, but if you use a combination of the coping mechanisms we've already discussed together along with some new ones, it's nothing we can't overcome. Wendy, I'm proud of you for recognizing that you were in trouble and needed some help. The young woman I first met many years ago would have never considered talking about it. She would have tried to bury it beneath a mountain of false bravado and toxic expectations of who she was supposed to be. I don't know what your good news is, but whatever it is, you should be happy about it. Focus on it and how it made you feel when you first found out about it" Claire responded.

Wendy sat in the white wooden chair as she considered the advice of her mother-in-law. It was reassuring to know that she was not the only person feeling the way she did. Perhaps she would try to focus on the positives of the situation and she could think of no better way to do so than to bring the girls to the garage. "Claire... You're amazing. I'm so glad that you were able to fit me in today..." the thirty-six year old said. "Certainly. Anything for my girl..." Claire replied before getting up and embracing the shorter woman. Although the two got on well enough, this sort of reaction was exceedingly rare from the dark-haired woman. She returned the gesture and then left the office. "I can't believe that she actually hugged me..." Wendy thought to herself with a bit of disbelief as she made her way to the parking lot. The drive home was fairly mundane, although she did try to think of how to explain to her family how she had skipped work because she was having a mental health crisis. In the end, she decided that it would be best to just be honest with them. After all, Claire had said that it was better to be open about how she felt instead of hiding it.

Wendy opened the door to find her husband typing away on his laptop and the girls sitting at the dining table. "Wen? What are you doing home? Is everything alright?" Dipper asked with concern as he got up from the sofa. "Honestly... No. It's not. I mean, I'm a lot better than I was earlier this morning though..." she said before taking off her jacket and hat. "Mom... What's the matter?" Mabel asked as she got up from the table. "I was just worried that something bad was gonna happen" she admitted to her teenage daughter. "Something bad? Why would you think that?" Pacifica asked before taking another bite of her food. "Well... remember when your father and I went out last night?" Wendy said. "Yeah... You guys got in really late. What was all that about, anyway?" Mabel replied. "I think I should field that one. I found a note from your Aunt Pacifica the other night and it had some coordinates on it. I figured out that they led to the Northwest Estate and your mom joined me because she didn't want me going by myself. Long story short, we found this cool abandoned bunker. Do you guys wanna go check it out?" Dipper jumped in. "I don't see how any of that has to do with why Mom is feeling down..." Pacifica pointed out. "Well, honey, what we found inside that bunker could change our lives forever. In a really good way. But I had the feeling that something bad was going to happen because something good had happened. I know it doesn't make much sense, but I talked to Nana Claire and she told me that other people get the same kind of feelings as I do. That's why I was feeling down. The good news is that I don't have to feel that way. Sometimes good things can just happen without consequence" the auburn-haired woman explained.

After hearing from their mother, the girls quickly agreed to join their parents on a trip to the bunker. The girls speculated on what the subterranean structure could contain as they got ready for the adventure. Mabel suggested that they had found a collection of fine art or perhaps ancient relics. Pacifica, on the other hand, was convinced that they had found a large sum of gold bars. Either way, the teenagers were excited to see what awaited them. The quartet piled into the onyx hued sport utility vehicle and were soon on their way. Dipper reached his hand out and placed it over that of his wife's, which lay on the leather covered center console. No words were needed as she looked over and smiled at the bearded man who sat beside her. Dipper didn't quite understand what his wife was going through, but vowed to be by her side no matter what it was just as she would be for him. Mabel was first to notice the sign of affection and covertly motioned to her twin to look at the gap between the front seats. Pacifica smiled at the thought of one parent comforting the other and hoped to one day know the feeling herself. It was not the first or last time their children would notice the everlasting love between the two. One final adventure awaited the Pines family on a late August morning in Gravity Falls, Oregon.

Author's Note: One more to go! I decided as this in all likelihood will be the last installment of the Shooting Star Falls AU that we should get one more Wendy-centric chapter to bring us back to where we began all those words ago. Although she is in a much better place than she was at the beginning of our story, she will still have those moments where she stumbles. The difference is that now she has a great support system around her and knows when to seek help from it. Although Tamrby is a bit of a bitch sometimes, she has learned when to ease up on her best friend. With one chapter left, how will the girls react when they see the garage of Pacifica Elise Northwest. What about when they find out what she has bequeathed them?

Playlist:

Wavves - "Sinking Feeling"

Royal & The Serpent - "Overwhelmed"

twenty one pilots - "Level Of Concern"

Real Friends - "Teeth"

Green Day - "Holiday (05)" (The song I pictured Wendy listening to on her way to Greasy's)

The Academy Is... - "Checkmarks"

CHVRCHES - "The Mother We Share"

The Interrupters - "Take Back The Power"

SEB - "seaside_demo"

Joy Division - "She's Lost Control" (Another song that made think of Wendy)

The Killers - "Sleepwalker"

Milky Chance - "Colorado"

Good Charlotte - "Makeshift Love"

Bad Wolves - "Lifeline"