Another rumour?
Rumours, rumours, rumours...
What's up with them, eh?
Why did they exist, and what purpose did they serve? They were an unintentional human creation that I was both amazed and a bit terrified by. They seemed to have an unfortunate habit of existing out of thin air. Like a forbidden thought that would unexpectedly come into your brain, leaving you all flustered and bothered, waiting for your brain to do that thing where it automatically forgets it. Makes you wonder why the brain ever chose to show it to you in the first place.
The brain giveth and the brain taketh?
My time in middle school had given me plenty of experiences with them. Their 'power' was something I hadn't realised the full extent of until my time in middle school had already come to an end. Personal episodes giving me plenty of knowledge about it as an aftereffect. It's embarrassing looking back now, but it's even more embarrassing to realise that it took the literal existence of a couple of horrible events for me to mold that reality onto myself.
Guess being preoccupied with delusions kept little old rationality at bay, huh..
It wasn't a fairly hard concept to grasp. People saw or heard things, relayed them to someone, and that someone thoughtlessly parroted those same things to someone else without knowing if they were true or not. Until eventually, it had created a long chain of tattlers.
The words or stories spread can sometimes not be something the general population was supposed to be aware of in the first place. Either true or created out of thin air, which was one reason why they could be so addicting to people in the first place. Of course, it's natural to assume that along the way, there's a real potential chance of it being corrupted anyway. It is 'easily corrupted human beings' who are the subject here.
Just like.. a, a butterfly effect..? No. In this case, it would be more appropriate to call it a black swan effect instead.
In addition, they also had the otherworldly power to put a sudden stop to whatever you had planned for that day, regardless of what you had wanted to do. It would make sure you submitted to its force.
You could be going through your normal day-to-day life, happy and content, completely oblivious of what's to come. And in the next, you're part of some elaborate ruse that paints you out to be a complete creep. Spying on girls in the changing room? A hand on your crotch? After the end of the gym session? Who even makes this stuff up?! Just because some creep might have done that doesn't mean you just get to pick the first creepy-looking guy that happens to be in the vicinity of the incident, y'know!
And spread misinformation about him around the school!
Hikigutter-kun? Hornyman-kun? Hachiman-kunt?! The last one's not even clever, damn it!
Though they usually had a miniscule life span, depending on the severity of the rumour, it could last anywhere from a week to a whole month. And, if unfortunate enough, never truly went away. Like an annoying nickname that stuck forever in people's minds, refusing to be swept away by the tides of time. Leaving you helpless against its oncoming wrath.
..At least you could comfort yourselves over the fact that it was limited to whatever place it originated in, proxies included. The gathering of adolescence, being the typical place for its birth, didn't help matters either.
Ahh Adolescence..
Originating from the Latin word: adolescere, meaning 'to ripen', or 'to grow up'. The word was first recorded to be used during the 15th century, later adopted into the French and English languages. Interpretations and definitions of the word changed as time went on.
While I wasn't one to usually break the exceptional laws of language, the word did seem to lose some meaning as time went on, I felt like. Particularly about how it defined the characteristics of the juvenile. While I wasn't as crude about my opinions of the youth nowadays as I was, let's say, back at the beginning of my second year - my past opinions weren't all completely rooted in delusionality. I would still be inclined to hold onto the notion of their being always some kind of merit present in them, to this day even. The current situation being the perfect example of it.
Teenagers will be teenagers. Irrational, horny, vain, rash, insecure..
I could go on and on about them; I knew them inside out. Like the back of my hand. Like a magician did with their cards, an author with their pen, or a parent with their child..
But I guess there's a limit to everything - everything except the expanding universe we were in, that is. What was up with that? Casually breaking the laws of physics we had tried so hard to develop. I wasn't very adept at physics, but even I knew it was an anomaly in and of itself.
I blinked once, and then once again.
..You know what? No. Since this was the second time, I feel like it would only be appropriate to go on a bit more about them.
Anywhere these hormone-filled hooligans tended to migrate to, stories followed. From stories of couples fornicating in the hidden; to the more innocent rumours of people getting into secretive relationships, either too afraid or shy to reveal it to the world. Only to be laid bare out to the world without a care by these gossips..
Usually descriptions of people engaging in couple-like behaviour would be more than enough to satiate these "ready to bust at any moment's notice" creatures.
Or drive them to depression if I were to be more charitable to their character.
Though most rumours are probably purely harmless in nature, spread without any intention to cause harm, there are some - some that are malicious, intended to deliver a specific message about a specific person or a group of people. The true intention of which was known only to the originator, or originators.
Taking the earphones out of my bag and connecting them to my phone, I turned my phone on. Scrolling through the music playlist, looking for something soothing, was when my eyes chose to peer over the rest of the classroom. The room was mostly already filled with students walking about, talking, and happily engaging in conversations. Though they were quieter today than usual. When I arrived earlier in the classroom, I had noticed that the clique that usually dominated the classroom was absent today; in place of it, only a few members remained. I could see Ebina, Tobe, and the two grunts that I didn't care about talking to each other. But the rest were missing.
"Hey. Did you hear about what went down yesterday?"
I could hear the resident gossip queens seated near me about to exchange their newly found information with each other, ready to indulge in that familiar feeling of learning something that was maybe taboo or a secret. Humans have an inane ability of getting satisfication out of the stupidest things.
"Oi oi, stop being sleepy. Did you hear about what happened yesterday?"
"Ugh.. what is it..?"
"Y'know.. of Hayama-kun and Yu-"
Inserting the earphones into my ears, I picked the first song that my fingers landed on and turned the volume to max, then to an acceptable degree. Enough for me to drown out any unnecessary drivel that I didn't want to think about so early in the morning.
I had already learned of the little tidbit as I was walking through the corridors leading to the classrooms. The more I heard, the more nauseated I had felt. Especially because of how descriptive it was this time around. Unlike last time, which happened to be half true, at least; this one didn't even have a chance of being half true. The details were too baffling to even be imagined.
I knew then that this one would be way harder to get rid of compared to the last one.
Combined with the effects of the last one, along with the similarities of both, the chances of it being elevated - to be actually thought of as 'real' this time, would only become stronger in the minds of the people. It had a very real chance to never go away..
Laying my head down on the desk in front of me, I closed my eyes. Trying not to think about the consequences of the current situation and instead pay attention to the music..
And was immediately bombarded with unnerving images of two people. Standing still in an open space. The landscape around them seemed to change constantly, like it was randomized.. Like it couldn't quite decide. Until finally, it landed on one.
It looked to be some kind of school practice ground.
Near the grounds stood the same two figures facing each other. A man and a woman, lighly conversing with each other. They seemed to be close. Though where my attention particularly went towards to was to their close proximity.
One had her right hand raised, caringly stroking the other's cheeks with her thumb, like she was massaging some kind of pain away. While the man had his left hand placed on top of the girl's hands, a gentle smile on his lips, mouthing something to her that looked to be for their ears only. As a few more microseconds passed, the man and woman started gaining more realistic appearances.
The man, blond, looked to be fully clothed in casual football garb. Tall in stature, a toned face, two cerulean eyes, a calm and relaxed demeanor radiating off of him. I could see that the man was a stereotypical handsome.
The long, black-haired woman, in contrast, was dressed in a normal school uniform. She wore a black blazer, which seemed to be covering a plain white shirt underneath, and had a modest school skirt going along with it. Her legs, highlighted more by the long black stockings she wore, clung perfectly to her. Her eyes, strikingly blue, resembled something of a jewel. Fair skin with seemingly no marks was present on her face, accompanied by the long, flowing ebony hair that cascaded down her back. Two tiny red ribbons hung off of her long locks, resting on each side of her neck.
The air around her signfied elegance, like she was part of some kind of royalty. It reminded me of a princess I used to hear about in Japanese folklores. A princess so elegant and yet, at the same time, so fragile, that she would break with the tiniest pushes. That had been my first experience of liking a 'girl'.
They resembled a couple in a normal school setting. The ones that would be hailed as being the 'ideal couple' of the school. The kind that would be featured in a modern-esque amatuer painting of couples. Not necessarily a painting trying to depict beauty or anything, but more just trying to convey sweetness. But because of their natural appearances, the sheer charisma both of their selves exhuded while being with each other, it always seemed to have an adverse effect of elevating the scenery to another level.
They matched.. too well one might say. As if they were always crafted for each other since birth. Like an incomplete puzzle being put to completion with its final piece. A prince and a princess, a king and his queen, a….
Anyway, the brain had the amazing ability to show things in great detail sometimes, didn't it? The better your imagination, the more accurate to real life it would be. No matter how much one might command or beg it not to, it just will, like an involuntary response. The brain was like that sometimes.
I could feel my palms losing control. Huh? Feeling a strange metallic texture, I noticed I was gripping my phone way too tightly for some reason. Loosening the hold on my phone, my fingers clicked on another song. The current song had become annoying very fast; my guess for the cause: repetition. Laying my phone down on the desk, near my head, I went back to fake-napping again.
Until the teacher arrived, this would be my abode.. as usual. To the world, this was just but another day for Hikigaya Hachiman.
Opening my eyes, I looked at the ground, my face hidden from the rest of the class. I pondered again.
To be fair, I understood that this was a bit too far-fetched of a scenario to even comprehend. The truth of all this will probably be revealed when I would arrive in that room.. Then damage control would be the only issue. It might take some time, but I wasn't opposed to accepting help nowadays. Feelings of 'doing it' by myself to feel some kind of complacency, all long behind me. And that would be the end of that. Case closed. Feeling pleased with my short analysis, I fully closed my eyes again. Ready to immerse myself in the calm music emanating from my earphones..
-BAM-
WHAT the fu-?
"Who the FUCK said it!?"
Blurry, blinking, stunned eyes coming into focus, I realised it was an exasperated Miura who had barged into the classroom - disturbing the peace present in it. All startled eyes were on her, and I could see from the corner of my eyes, the incomplete Hayama clique at the back of the class be half surprised at her actions.
"I asked you freaks a question, didn't I? Who the fuck is spreading rumours here again!?"
Standing in front of the classroom, she was eyeing people up. A dangerously angry and pained expression on her face. Beside her was Yuigahama, trying desperately to calm her down, but Miura seemed to be having none of it. Ignoring her words completely. Much like what their interactions had used to be like at the beginning.
No one in the class seemed to be gutsy enough to break the atmosphere she had set. No one daring enough to even answer her question, me included. I always preferred to stay out of situations like this if I could. The life of an alpha main character might be appealing to some, but was not to me.
Seeing only bewildered, confused stares staring back at her, Miura's eyes widened. Her expression twisted into one of fiery contempt, bewildered that she even had to explain. "Who the fuck is spreading rumours about Hayato and Yukinoshita being together again!?" She clarified, begrudgingly.
Right. This was to be expected.
She had heard about the rumour, and had probably immediately come charging in, ready to put the person in question in their place. Her actions were much more drastic this time compared to the last time, I recall. Last time, being only reduced to the angry stares and shut-downs of anyone even remotely courageous enough to mention it to or around her.
It was different.. probably because of all the changes present within the rumour this time around.
—The difference being is that this time, the rumours ran deeper, darker in tone. And unfortunately for her, it didn't seem like any questions she might have had, would be answered today.
"Yumiko, we'll figure it out later, okay? There's no need to do this right now!"
"Stop it, Yui. I can't, and I won't. Why should I? I want to know who keeps spreading intentional lies about people for whatever sick, twisted fantasy they fucking might have!"
"But tha-"
"Yumiko." Seeing her outburst, Ebina had already begun walking up to her, probably intending to appease her before things went too far. Standing in front of her, a sympathetic expression was already plastered on her face. "No one here knows anything about it. I checked already."
"What do you mean yo- What do you mean it's not someone from this class? Who could it possibly be, Ebina? It 'apparently' happened in this classroom, didn't it?"
Wetting her lips, Ebina's eyebrows furrowed in a concerned manner. "It could be just someone who saw it while passing by the classroom, Yumiko. It doesn't necessarily have to be someone from our class."
While 'it' wasn't being voiced out loud, I knew everyone in the class knew what they were talking about by now.
"That's no-", taking a pause abruptly, Miura's face was suddenly clouded in what seemed to be simple realisation.
"Hina-chan's right, Yumiko." Tobe, seeing Ebina walk up to Miura, had followed right behind her. "Do you really think if Hayato-kun and Yukinoshita-san were together AND having sex with each other, that Hayato-kun wouldn't just have told US of that first?"
Dumbass. Subtle as fucking paint. And what do you mean 'told US of that first'? What the fuck kind of relationship did Tobe think Hayama had with their group? And what was with that framing? Did Tobe automatically fucking assume the rumour was true or something…? What about the others? Did they think so too?
…
No no no, this was all Tobe's fault. This didn't mean anything. My conclusions couldn't be thrown out just yet. My brain wasn't the one that was fried; it was his!
I inhaled and exhaled a bit.
..While the case may be that Tobe's words were probably meant as consolation for the situation Miura was in right now, verbalisation of the rumour was the last thing that Miura wanted to hear about right now. She'd been intentionally avoiding wording out the details of the matter for a reason, y'know..
"TOBE, you FU-"
"What in the HELL is happening here?" Hearing the commotion that had surely by now reached the outside, Hiratsuka-sensei had interrupted in, ready to put an end to the disturbance. Barking out from near the classroom door, she came in and stood by the main desk. "Everybody, get back to their seats now! You can use any other period to discuss your petty relationship drama feuds, or whatever this is. But not mine."
Damn. She must be extra pissy today. Someone comment on her relationship status or something? Listening to her sudden barking had made me inadvertently straighten out my spine too, phone and earphones both shoved into my bag in a swift manner.
Also hearing the teacher's remarks were everyone, scampering back to their seats. Not willing to incur her wrath, lest they want to spend the rest of the class outside. Miura was quickly escorted by both Yuigahama and Ebina to her seat, both whispering something to her in hushed tones. And so every seat proceeds to get filled. Every seat except one that is..
If that person were present today, maybe it would have been easier.. Being on top of the social hierarchy helped in dispelling impressions. Maybe it would've helped with the outburst that had happened just moments ago too. "He who is everyone's" would have had no problem dispelling the illusion that was present in the atmosphere today. Just like last time..
Unfortunately for some, reality was often more warped than what they would come to expect of it. Because that seat-
...That seat, would remain empty for the rest of the day.
Lunch had rolled in. Which meant some much-needed time away from the classroom. The tension in the classroom hadn't completely subsided yet. Miura, for one, hadn't shown an ounce of emotion in class since her morning flare-up. Opting to instead focus on her notes for a change. And as a result, the rest of the clique was in a somber mood too.
Getting up from my chair, I took my bag and left the classroom immediately. Eating in that atmosphere would have suffocated me. I had thought that maybe Yuigahama would have followed after me, even for a brief chat with me just to inquire, but none of that came. I guess she's going to be with Miura for the time being. Making sure she ate, and was okay, and stuff..
...I wish someone would make sure I ate and stuff occasionally too. High schoolers dropping dead because of starvation weren't completely uncommon, y'know~ If it weren't for Komachi, I probably wouldn't even be alive right now.. Alright, that's an exaggeration. But I definitely wouldn't have any delicious meals to eat every day - which was as good as death anyway! Forced to make something for myself in the mornings and afternoons, or worse, being forced to buy something from the vending machines!
Komachi-chan, never leave your Onni-chan pleaasseee.
Thinking of Komachi, which for me was an incredibly common phenomenon, I hoped again that everything went well. Interviews were just standard, obligatory procedures that you needed to attend most of the times. They decided not many things, but there was always a chance that something could go wrong.
—On second thought, I was being foolish. It's Komachi we're talking about here. Having people wrapped up in her little fingers was what she was good at. I wouldn't be surprised if she got permission from the entire interview board to be promoted to second year from the get-go..
Walking along the half-filled hallways, trying to find a suitable place to eat, my eyes caught the bright sky outside peeking out from the windows. The sky was much clearer today, not even snowy, which was a rare sight for this month. Blue was becoming a very addicting colour to watch these days, I figured.
...I wonder if she's going to be eating well today.
A curious thought.
Was the easily perturbed cat queen faring well today? Or was she in a similar situation to Miura? Emotionless, cooped up in some corner of the classroom, looking like a pale ghost. Or maybe she was enraged? Refusing to even entertain anyone in her classroom. Verbally destroying anyone who dared to even question the legitimacy of her sanctity… I might not be at the top of my academics, but I was at least smart enough to know to not be in the vicinity of all that. Or anywhere near a mile radius surrounding it.
But... what if...
Another curious thought. And then another, one after another.
Thinking about all the random scenarios that she could be in while I was trying to find a place to eat, most coming out quite sad, I had unwittingly walked up to the corridors leading to Class 2J. The passageway was packed with rich, elite-looking girls, each immersed in their own worlds, or phones - too busy to notice anyone else. Since boys were rare in 2J, it wasn't a surprise to see most of the vacuum being filled with girls.
"Right? That's what I was saying. It definitely wouldn't be surprising." Seeing a group of three girls discussing something passionately amongst themselves outside of classroom 2J. My ears unintentionally caught a part of their conversation. Not wanting to look like an eavesdropper, I hurried instead.
Walking up near the opening doorway of the classroom, I stopped. Finally realised what I was about to do and the consequences of the actions that I was about to perform.
Was I about to just waltz into Yukinoshita's classroom?!
What the hell! How dumb are you, Hachiman! The implications of this were not something she was going to be pleased with. The looks around me indicated plenty already that I didn't belong here.
Taking a meek step back, I turned around, fully intending to head back.
This was for her own good, dammit! If Yukinoshita were here, she would commend me too.. for being so thoughtful of someone else. She would smile at me, thank me, and kindly tell me to leave, all while being extremely cute at that. I can already imagine it.
'Hikigaya-kun, while I appreciate the concern, you understand what your presence being here implies, right? Do I have to spell it out for you? Has your brain become so decomposed that it no longer has the ability to discern implications? Please leave and never return.'
Shiver.
Yukinoshita should take up a job as a judge and start ruling in on the damn criminals in this country! That'll lower the already low criminal rates in Japan to near zero. What a waste of power, I say! And maybe one day, her icy rulings will be filmed and made into short clips, getting millions of views on Youtube. The comments of which will all be busy prasing and admiring her… Truly, a waste of money and talent.. I can already see her revered but loved title: Judge Yuki.
Taking a few steps back the way I came, I left the corridors. The rooftop would be the go-to destination today, I decided.
…Only problem I faced was, none of that actually happened. Only a figment of my vivid imagination.
In fact, the exact opposite of all that was taking place right now. The girls were definitely looking at me from the peripherals of their eyes now. Taking a quick look inside her classroom from the doorway, my eyes automatically latched on to her empty seat, her absence giving me my answer. So Yukinoshita wasn't even present in the classroom.. She might have chosen to eat somewhere else, maybe. It wouldn't be unusual for her to do that at all.
"She doesn't let a lot of people near her. If there was one who could charm her enough to do 'that' here, it would be him."
"Mhm, if there was anyone in this entire school who she would be with, it would absolutely be him. Who else even comes close to him? I kinda pity the boys in 2F."
Or maybe she hadn't come to school either..
...
Ideas had already started popping up in my head, giving me a light migraine. Visions my brain was more than ready to supply came at me at full force, leaving me at a standstill. The hold on my bag's straps left me feeling uneasy, my arms already at an awkward angle.
Coincidences are rare, but not impossible. It was absolutely possible for both of them to be absent on the same day while having nothing to do with each other. It was absolutely possible for both of them to be absent on this specific day while having nothing to do with each other.
Feeling even more like an alien in the hallways of the elite. I turned around and immediately vacated the floor. The steps taking me higher and higher, away from my problems.
It was finally time. The bell signified the end of school hours, which meant classes ended. Which meant I could have my answers. As far as Yukinoshita was concerned, I could only go discover the truth for myself.
…That entire approach back at lunch was honestly reckless and simply unnecessary. I should have just gone to the roof immediately. The day was troublesome enough as it was; I didn't need more stuff to be added to the scale of things bothering me. In fact, the scale I used had been nearing its limit for some time now. Any more weight, and it's just bound to break. Which would be very messy and embarrassing for me, but funny for the world. No, this would never happen as long as I was alive. Supplying an unfair exchange of happiness to the world? Hell no.
Standing up from my desk, I noticed a figure standing right behind me from the corner of my eyes. Turning my head, I was met with Yuigahama, who looked a bit sheepish to be found out so suddenly. Oi, did you not want to be found while standing directly behind me? If it was some attempt at stealth, this was the worst approach.
"Um.. Hey, Hikki.."
"Sup."
Leaving my gaze for a second, Yuigahama shifted her eyes to the side, as if trying to show me something - towards to where her clique was standing. Lightly pointing behind her, she stated, "I'm sorry, but I uh.. I won't be able to come with you to the club right now because I have some things to.. umm.."
"Don't worry about it", interrupting her not-so-fully thought-out explanation that I already knew all about, I saved both of us the trouble of awkwardness.
"Right.. I'll be back soon, so don't leave the club without me, okay!" It was more of a statement than a question, but I was fine with it.
"Gotcha." Giving her a light smile, I made my way out of the classroom, bag slung on my shoulders. The unspoken agreement we both shared to not mention the rumour was not lost. It would've been a bit uncomfortable to discuss the rumour with her anyway.
Leaving Yuigahama to deal with the mess all by herself, I journeyed across to that special building, towards the familiar pathways of the hallway that I had gotten very accustomed to walking through after school hours.
Well, she's not completely alone, I suppose. Ebina was also there.. but so were Tobe and the two grunts. Unlikely combination to handle Miura, but surprisingly also the most experienced at it.. or maybe the only people experienced at it?
Coming to stand in front of the service club's door, my feet suddenly stood frozen in place. I could feel the moisture on my palms. A sense of foreboding fills me. Wetting my lips and blowing a silent breath out, I took hold of the door handle and slid it open.
…There she was. Completely unaware of the world around her. Completely unaware of the effect she had on the world. Like she was above it all. Like the problems of the mortal world weren't of her concerns. A deity, or maybe an angel, soaring high above the skies like a shooting star, ready to be captured as a 'beautiful sight' by onlooking photographers. A moment so extremely rare, people wished whenever it came to pass.
With a book resting on her lap, Yukinoshita was sat atop her usual seat, a slight sleep having overtaken her senses. She got tired easily, so this wasn't really a surprise. Her hair was lightly swaying by the wind that had enveloped her, strands of it lightly flicking her long eyelashes. Momentary twitches of expression could be seen whenever it flicked at her. Her features always looked more delicate whenever she was asleep. Her hands, smaller in comparison to mine, lightly held on to the protective covering of her book, keeping it from falling on to the concrete ground. An half empty tea cup was placed in front of her, indicating that she had been mid-drink session when she had fallen to the sleep god.
Eyes unconsciously trailing upwards, towards her lips. I noticed little remnants of the tea were still lingering on her lips, ready to be licked off. Feeling a slight twitch in my left eye, my imaginations going wild, the desire to suddenly wet my lips was incredible. But I held off. Forcing my eyes off of her, I chose to instead look at the cover of her book, at the black cat printed on it, at the edges of the book. Anywhere but her. All bearing fruitless as my eyes would once again helplessly dart up every single time to look at some more features of her face. Like a thirsty man finding water in a desert, I would devour it all up. I could feel my blood going to dangerous places..
—Alright, this was getting creepy. I didn't know how much time had passed since I entered the room, but I wouldn't be surprised if a full minute had passed since I started ogling her. Anyone who would have by chance, come upon this scene with her and me would inevitably have no choice but to report me to the authorities. Hell, I would too. Seeing a man breathing erratically with wide open eyes while a beautiful girl lay unconscious in front of him would be a 'no-brainer' instant report.
Turning left, I walked towards my chair, situated directly opposite her. Scraping the chair lightly on the ground - not enough to startle her, but enough to wake her up - I sat on the chair.
"Mm." Sowly opening her eyes, Yukinoshita made a little hum as her hands came up to lightly rub at her eyes. A small sigh leaving her lips. And a few seconds later, a very very tiny, miniscule whine escapes her lips. Probably would've gone unnoticed by the average human being. It reminded me too much of Kamakura when he was still a little kitten, waking up all cute and bothered by the sudden light that entered his eyes. Using his lidl pwaws to hide his cwute lidl fwace, I could've just eaten him all up on the spot!
…Cough. Anyway, Yukinoshita was cat incarnate. But this wasn't new news either.
"Oi, you know sleeping this deeply anywhere except in your own bed is just invitation for creeps, right?"
With her eyes still half closed, still not completely out of her sleepy state, Yukinoshita smiles a little as she hears my words. "You speak from experience, I see."
Urk!
-90% Damage. I thought being in a sleepy state meant your cognitive functions were weakened.. Does she work on autopilot? Where is she connected to? And how much power are they pumping into her to generate these icy hot deliveries on the fly?
Also, was she a goddamn fortune teller? How did she know I was ogl- Wait, no, fortune tellers told the future, didn't they? Her prediction was for something that already happened... so, u-unfortune teller? No, that's wrong too.. or maybe right, but for a different reason..? Uhhhhh... Fuck it. Whatever the opposite of fortune teller is, that was what Yukinoshita was.
"How long have you been here?"
"For a uh.. couple of minutes.. I think."
I could have lied. I could have..
If Yukinoshita had something to say about that, she chose not to. Instead, silently staring at me for a few seconds before licking her lips clean and standing up from her seat. Placing the book she had on her hand on the table in front of her, she turned and walked towards where the blending machine resided.
"I'll get you some tea ready."
"Thanks."
Taking my bag and putting it on my lap, I motioned to take out my newest edition of fantasy novella in the meantime. This particular series was special, you see, only being released every decade or so. Having a notorious reputation for being incredibly late, perpetuated by the author and his habit of procrastination. It had made the entire fanbase go through the five stages of grief about a dozen different times throughout its entire history. The entire experience being interesting, to say the least, me being a new fan and all.
Though I could understand the need for that procrastination. When you've spent so much time creating something, molding it carefully with your hands, refining and polishing every single part of it until it was perfect, making sure it wasn't corrupted.. Getting into that habit of 'perfection' was addicting, I bet. Certainly not something the average person could relate to.
Hmm? Why am I feeling empty space? Wait.. wait wait.. no..
I forgot to actually put it in my bag after last night's.. sigh.
Yukinoshita must have heard my pathetic attempt at an internal sigh. Because she was facing me now, a questioning look on her face.
"It's nothing. I forgot my book is all.."
"Oh. That's.. unfortunate."
Hmm? No quip? No slight backhanded comment? No automatic assumption of it being a degenerate light novel? Yukinoshita of the past would never do that, always made sure the people she deemed deserving were put in their place. Wait, why did I automatically assume I was a degenerate in my own mind..? Why did I just submit myself to Yukinoshita's grillings so willingly..? What have I become..? Is this what they called.. conditioning?
—At least, that kind of lifestyle was far behind me now. And to be fair though, this Yukinoshita was probably better for my heart. The one of the past would never have been considerate of me..
Finishing her blending, Yukinoshita slowly made her way towards me - a Pan-san cup held up by both of her hands, her eyes concentrated on the path in front of her. The whole scene reminded me of those old wives who would slowly and methodically bring tea to their elderly husbands, having fully completed their journey of life together, ready to rest forever until eventually the inescapable happened...
After placing the cup gently in front of me, she peeked a look at me before strolling back to her usual seat, back to reading her book. As I picked up the cup to blew on it a little, I noticed that it smelled better than usual. The colour seemed to be the same, so it wasn't a different brew, I figured. Taking a small sip after checking to see if it had cooled down enough, I noticed that it was sweeter than usual. Not the overbearingly sweet, but still sweeter than usual.
Shifting only my eyes towards the president of the club, I noticed she was engrossed in her book, a nonchalant look on her face. Her lips ever so slightly parted. Though I could see a little quiver of her lips here and there, it was probably more due to whatever she was reading than anything that had to do with me. And as much as I would like to look at her a bit more, an awake Yukinoshita is more dangerous than a sleepy Yukinoshita. Bringing my eyes back, I took my phone out to waste some time until Yuigahama arrived. Ready to engage in some slight trolling on forums, I turned my phone on and.. remembered.. I wanted to do something specific when I came in here, didn't I?
That's right. I completely forgot. Seeing that sight upon entering the club had brought my entire world to a stop. It was amazing how simple, beautiful sceneries lulled me into such a sense of harmony.
On the other hand, evaluating Yukinoshita's overall demeanour up till now made me feel like either the rumour hadn't affected her as much or she hadn't heard about the rumour at all. The former brought up some uncomfortable feelings, while the latter wasn't necessarily impossible. Her classmates not being dumb enough to mention it or bring it up near her was an all too plausible theory. But still.. this uncertain feeling that had been pricking me the entire day had to go. Both for her sake and.. But how to approach exactly..? I had to pick my words carefully.
Pretending to look down at my phone casually, I exclaim, "Hey, Yukinoshita.."
"Hm?"
"..Did you happen to hear anything interesting today?"
Looking at me quizzically for a second, Yukinoshita opted for a simple "no" before moving on to another page of her book. Half her attention on me and half on the contents of her book.
Damn, that must be a really interesting book if she was gonna be so conservative about it. Too bad, her interest in it was gonna be long gone by the time I was done with her… That came out more wrong than I intended for it to.
"...Hey Yukinoshita. What do you think about rumours?"
.…I couldn't do it. I couldn't ask the question directly to her. Seeing those striking eyes suddenly directed at me had made me falter. The desire to not ruin the features of that face with the uncomfortable truth that I had was palpable. I could understand the feelings of her classmates really well now. Bringing this up to her made me queesy. Last time, I hadn't needed to do anything; Isshiki's curiously bold nature saving me from inquiring about it myself. But alas, there was no Isshiki Iroha today. I was all alone. In this exploration of the truth, the result of which could be-
"And the sudden interest being..?"
I had to smootly segue myself from this to the question I actually wanted to ask. Can't hesitate now. "I'll tell you, but answer me first."
Yukinoshita blinks once, immediately ceasing her inquiries. Taking a moment to think, she shifted her eyes to the left of her and began thoughtfully, "Well, rumours don't generally exist out of thin air, so I guess there's probably always some kind of truth to it, I suppose."
Licking my lips, a small breath left my lips, the eyes that had been on her since arrival left suddenly. I didn't know what expression my face was making right now, but it couldn't be nice. The face opposite told me so.
"..Hikigaya-kun?"
I could feel each and every sensation my being was going through right now. From the slight gritting of the inside of my gums, to the texture of my palms being recorded by my fingers at little intervals. My feet felt like they were burrowing into the insides of my shoes. The sweat droplets that had formed some time ago on the sides of my head were suddenly perceivable now.
"A-Are you okay?"
Breaking me from my trance, I felt a pull on the left arm of my blazer. Rotating my face left, I noticed that Yukinoshita had gotten up from her seat and had walked towards me, her hunched figure upon me. Her eyes were showing a sense of concern behind them. Paying attention to her right hand that was on me, I noticed her thumb and index finger had lightly grabbed a hold of my left sleeve, bringing me back to the world of the conscious.
"Argh, my bad. I dozed off for a second there, and.. it's- it's nothing. Don't worry about it. Forget I asked anything." My eyes wouldn't face her. I couldn't believe such a silly thing could ever happen. Even though her opinions may not actually factor into the truth of the rumour, her simply uttering the factuality of the matter so directly had broken my composure temporarily.
Feeling another tug on my sleeve, I faced Yukinoshita again. My usual composure back in place again. I could see her eyes were narrowed, not believing the words I fed her one bit. She was waiting, I realised. Still waiting for me to open up. Her eyes reminded me of the looks she used to give me back when we had just met. Though replaced by the coldness was something else.. It made me avert my eyes again.
Her fingers on my sleeves tightened even more. A sign that showed me arrival of her upcoming words.
"Weren't you the one who wished for.. things like this to end.."
Her tone was slightly dejected. Her voice was almost a breath, as her words had come out. I could feel my nails pushing further down on my thighs, probably leaving a mark of some kind. But that was fine.
Wasn't this exactly what I wanted to avoid..
It was like a cycle - my approach to things. I would continue to always make mistakes; that was a given. But the thing was, I at least had to make sure to always recognise them and reform based on them. Or else I would be left stagnant. My words on that day, delivered with such emotion, were not something to be wasted. Yukinoshita had gently lapped up those wishes of mine.. with so much sincerity, it would've been a disservice to her if I didn't follow through now.
I thought of words to use. To get over this hindrance I had placed upon myself, to ensure my words weren't interpreted wrongly. Breathing in slightly, I asked.
"Did you hear about the rumours present in school today?"
Seeing me finally answer, Yukinoshita's face showed brief relief before it morphed into another questioning gaze. "...No, I haven't... Is it.. about me again..?"
"...Yeah. Rumours of you and... 'him' are circulating again. But it's way.. perverse this time.."
"..."
Hearing my words, Yukinoshita's face contorted into a mix of emotions. From surprise to sadness to frustration - to finally ending on a feature I was more than used to. The fingers that had latched onto me were gone now. Eyes narrowing dangerously, sight set on somewhere far past me, Yukinoshita's lips tightened into a thin line.
"Some people deserve no empathy, I see.."
For all the nonchalant cruel words that I had heard Yukinoshita breathe into existence over the year, during the considerable amount of time that we had come to know each other, nothing would come even close to the pure vitriol that was spewing forth from her words at that moment. It was like her usual icy cold words had transformed into something much more sinister, like a new element had been added on top of it - a raging fire. It was unnerving seeing Yukinoshita like this; it reminded me of her older sister too much.
"Hikigaya-kun. Where is Yuigahama-san?" Changing the topic suddenly, I was left with a whiplash, only being able to ponder what she was getting at now. Her face now, looking down at me, showed no inclination of her previous words or emotions. Leaving me no choice but to only answer truthfully. "She said she'd be back in a bit." Saying nothing to that, Yukinoshita turned around, her back facing me. After taking a few steps towards her seat, she stops suddenly. I could see the fingers on her right hand lightly dancing with each other - a new behaviour, I observed. She was thinking of something, but what? Still not facing me, she instead answers my thought, "You didn't believe in any of the rumours, did you?"
The confirmation that I needed, having long already been got, courtesy of Yukinoshita, the question posed by her wasn't something that troubled me in the least.
"No."
"And that includes any and all part of it?"
"Yes."
"Good."
Turning back to sit on her seat, Yukinoshita directed her sights back at me. The anger that had formed in her eyes prior, held back temporarily by the cool smile that she was showing me now, a confident expression on her face. Tilting her head slightly while closing her right eye, a finger on her lips - reminiscent of the expression she had shown me back at the end of the cultural festival - Yukinoshita began.
"I have another request, Hikigaya-kun. Care to listen?" Request? Now? This came out of nowhere. A request was the last thing I would've thought of her bringing up right now. The request that she had recently made on that snowy day came to my mind instantly. Along with it, a myriad of emotions did too. My immediate questions would have to wait for now. I needed to listen, not mindlessly prattle on about mundane things. This wasn't something that she did a lot, so I had to make sure to listen to every single syllable she uttered with the utmost attention.
—Before all that though, I needed to respond first.
"What.. is it?
Opening her right eye gracefully, both of Yukinoshita's elbows came to rest on the table in front of her. Her two hands came up to her face, palms pressed together, much like a prayer, but hid only her nose and lips. Leaving only her deep blue eyes in sight of mine. The evening sun setting behind her had made her eyes and hair even more pronounced. I could feel my breathing becoming inconsistent. The entire scene made her look very cool.
"A truce.. A temporary one. To destroy some of the lowly excrements taking up free residence in this academy of learning. To ensure that this holy land of phrontistery was left uncorrupted. Alas, that would be highly detrimental to the rest if it did come to pass, for reasons that are already quite obvious and need not to be said…. I could do it all alone, but I would prefer if you were involved too. So.. what do you say, Hikigaya-kun… will you accept my proposal?" A playful smile had followed her dramatic declaration, intending to let me know she was playing it up.
The blood that had ceased its journey earlier was beginning to reach destinations again. I had to calm down.
"Well, depends.. what's in it for me?" I couldn't let her be cool on her own; I was the one monologuing, damn it! So, a playful remark she was more than ready for was thrown back at her. The preparations were in place. The champions stood in opposition. We were ready to dance. On a battlefield that was ours and ours alone. The holy war between man and woman, a battle that has existed since life began.. was beginning to take flight again!
"If-"
"Yahallo.."
Interrupting her reply was Yuigahama and the sound of the door opening in, both coming in reverse tandem. While barging in like usual with her signature line of specific 'Hello' was her go-to approach, this time, she dispatched it in a solemn tone instead.
"Good evening, Yuigahama-san."
"Yo."
"Hey Yukinon, hey Hikki.." Saying nothing else after those despondent words, Yuigahama starts walking from behind me, towards her seat. Silently sitting on her chair, right next to Yukinoshita, her eyes were cast down, unable to meet both our stares. Seeing her expression, I realised that she was still stuck in the realm of the unknown, unlike me, and was still unnecessarily agonizing herself over something that had already been 'discussed'.
Staring at her lap and nowhere else, Yui starts speaking in a soft, composed voice before I could bring myself to say anything. "...So…Yukinon, how.. has the day been..?"
Closing her eyes briefly and opening them back up again, with a soft look on her face, Yukinoshita decided to put Yuigahama out of her misery herself before I could. "It's okay, Yuigahama-san. I already know."
"...Wait. You, you do?" Not being able to completely believe her, Yuigahama inquires further, "Who…", but trails off suddenly. Eyes widening a millimeter and realisation sparking her face, her eyes motion over to stare at me.
Her turning her eyes on me so suddenly had made me instinctively want to avoid it, like a guilty murderer. I didn't do anything! With an emotion on her face that I didn't have enough time to digest, only catching a glimpse of it before I avoided it - I looked past her… which happened to be in the same general area where Yukinoshita's face was at currently.
Smiling delicately, her eyes brimming with emotion, Yukinoshita's gaze was fixed on Yuigahama, who was still looking at me. The result of which meant that the expression Yukinoshita had on currently was only something I could see.. "Who else.."
The expression she had on her face pulled at my chest, made me stop breathing. Something warm was hugging the insides of my abdomen. It was different from the sensation I got whenever Komachi would hug me as a child, or my mother. Something invaluably precious, something I only felt when..
"AH! That's great…! I didn't really know what to say when I came in here, so I'm glad I.. really didn't.. have to.." The cheerful voice Yuigahama had started with gradually changed into something quiet… for only a fraction of a second before she looked back again at Yukinoshita - a happy, full smile on her face now.
"So what's the plan, Yukinon?"
…
Seeing Yuigahama back to her usual self, Yukinoshita smiles a little contentedly at her. "I do have an approach in mind, but it's a bit late for it now. Classes are over, so most students wouldn't even be present for it to take full shape." Directing her gaze to me, Yukinoshita says, "It would regrettably have to be postponed to tomorrow, I'm afraid."
"Ohh, that was- wow.." Hearing Yukinoshita's response, Yuigahama couldn't help but let out in wonder, eyes blinking rapidly. "How fast did you two even cook up a plan in the first place? I was only ten minutes late! I know you two are smart and all, but this seems almost... inhumane.." Saying all that, Yuigahama suddenly looked down at the table in front of her, eyebrows furrowed comically. She looked like she was questioning her intelligence again, which happened a lot when we three were together..
I'll let you know, Gahama-san, that the plan that 'we' both had cooked up; I'm not even a part of yet. So I'll be sure to brief you in when I knew of it myself first. Rest assured.
"I'll let you know that I don't know anything about her plan either; my brain may be fast, but it's not that fast."
"Huh?" Letting out an unattractive voice, she turns her head to look at me, her hair bun bobbing as a result. An incredulous expression was baked into her face. Without waiting for my reply, she masterfully and swiftly transitions into a smile with her eyes closed, nodding slightly. "Figures.."
"Of course. No one with intelligence ever doubted that, Hikigaya-kun. You seem to have wasted your breath, unfortunately." Yukinoshita chimes in.
"Yea!"
Ha ha ha. That's very funny, Yukinoshita-san. Teaming up to take on the one guy in the room to save the victim. Even if a bit called for.. Still, learn to show mercy to the peasants once in a while, please. And Yuigahama, stop going with the flow of conversation so easily and pay attention once in a while.. Truly tragic. One can only wonder how she got into this school in the first place.
—Changing the subject: Yuigahama was partially right, wasn't she? How fast had Yukinoshita's brain worked to come up with an approach to this situation? None of my solutions even seemed to work without Hayama. Did Yukinoshita even factor in him into her plans? Her analytical brain really shone in times like these. It really made clear, the difference between both of our intellects.
Picking up the book that she was reading earlier, Yukinoshita rested it on her lap, her hands still on it. "We should go back to our.. duties for the time being; club hours should end soon."
Duties? Good one, Yukinoshita. That pause from her had at least made me cognizant of her awareness.
Still, acknowledging her words, Yuigahama and I decide to go back to our usual trivial habits of wasting time - Aka Yuigahama scrolling on her phone where as I... was also on my phone - only temporarily, that is. All while Yukinoshita wasted hers a bit more efficiently, expanding her vast knowledge by engaging in the underworkings of literature.
Things were back to normal now. While the mood outside the world was one of harshness, the one inside here was filled with serenity. My mind, which had become agitated ever since my arrival at school, proceeded to cease its motions.
Tomorrow was going to be a very busy day, I mused. It would be very easy if we could just figure out who the culprit was, but that task might as well be like painstakingly trying to square a circle. I didn't know where to begin, really. Didn't know what plan Yukinoshita had cooked up either. But since she's good at cooking, would it be safe to assume that it would be a great plan? Or, at the least, a good one?
I should probably ask her, just in case. The curiousity was killing me. Asking never hurt anyone, right?
….Didn't hurt anyone as long as it wasn't a confession of some kind.. Then asking hurt a lot. For example, when you got rejected, or when your girlfriend politely denies her hand in your marriage proposal - Those things must hurt a lot, I imagine. And imagine them was the only thing I could do. I seriously doubt if I could ever come to do those things myself one day. I highly doubted if I would ever even get a girlfriend in this lifetime… This was all leading up to be filler that I didn't wanna think about. Seriously, my heart could only take so much in a day. I should just ask her already.
"...Yu-"
My question that I was about to ask was suddenly cut off by the fast-swinging sound of the clubroom door being opened. Alerting everyone to the opening of the door was Isshiki, hair disheveled, panting like she just ran across the whole school to get here. A phone could be seen on her hand, gripped tightly.
Walking straight up to the front of our table with long strides, Isshiki wasted no time with short greetings, opting to get right into it. "Yukinoshita-senpai! Is it true about what's going on between you and Hayama-senpai?"
There's the bold kouhai I was thinking about from earlier! And what's with the fast attack? I thought you would be a bit more careful this time around, Isshiki-san. Yukinoshita had absolutely chilled you into silence last time. This isn't sly at all. You miscalculated; how sad. Now you would have to face the consequences by yourself.
Letting out an exasperated sigh through her nose, Yukinoshita calmly regarded Isshiki, like a parent would to their naughty child. "I thought I told you that that could never happen, Isshiki-san. Just because some new rumours resurface doesn't mean you should question my beliefs again. I rarely change them just to let you know."
Damn right! It took Yukinoshita months before she could finally change her opinions of me. Yes, opinions - plural. From being upgraded from the lowest scum of society to.. average human being? And let me rephrase, a handsome one at that to boot… But I guess, by that definition, that would also make me slightly above average..?
Oh my god, I had to tell this to Komachi as soon as possible!
While I was expecting Isshiki to recoil away from Yukinoshita's words, Isshiki instead braces herself. Pointing the screen towards her face, Isshiki hurriedly presses a few buttons to unlock her phone, then tries to show the contents of it to the three of us. But because of the angle Isshiki had adopted while talking to Yukinoshita, only Yukinoshita and Yuigahama were able to see it. I could only notice a picture of some kind from the place I was at.
Yukinoshita and Yuigahama, who had clear sights of the phone, stop suddenly after witnessing the contents on it. Yukinoshita's eyes slowly open wide, while Yuigahama's hand comes up to her mouth to hide her shock. What the hell is happening? Did they see a ghost or something?
A few seconds passed, and my frustrations were now noticeable on my face. Seeing my expression, Isshiki motions her arm to face me. Away from the now shocked Yukinoshita, and the sorrow filled Yuigahama, who was now looking at her. Focusing my eyes on to the screen in front of me, I examined it. My previous analysis of it being a picture had been correct. A picture that seemed to have been posted on the unofficial school gro-
….
…..A picture seemed to have been posted on the unofficial school group chat. Typically reserved for school photos and the such and nothing serious. Access available only to the students. And if you ever wondered why I knew of this info in the first place, I could only answer honestly and say it was only because I was a part of it myself. The notifications for the group were turned off on my phone by choice. The group had a couple or so hundred members, so activity and coverage were never an issue.
The group seemed to be constantly getting pinged with a new message as more and more seconds passed by. The notification sounds reverberating through the current silent room had brought in a sense of twisted hilarity to the whole situation. The room that had been warm, was now beginning to feel cold from the wind that had been blowing in from the open window.. Despite all that, my body was not cold. The exact opposite.
If I had to put it into words, this is how I would do it-
—The picture was precise. It showcased a classroom. Much similar to the one I was in currently. Taken slightly at an angle, from the outside, through the opening of the doorway. The inside of the classroom was devoid of sunlight, the early rays of the moon only beginning to penetrate in through the glass windows.. indicating that it was well after school and club hours had ended.
Stood in the classroom were two students, half in Soubu high school uniforms and half in not. Both were in precarious positions, one pressed up against another, leaning against the teacher's desk. One had her neck be completely engulfed from the back by the muscular hand that gripped it, while the other hand possessively held onto her stomach. Both hands had belonged to a man, whose crotch was currently pressed up against the woman's behind. Genitalia completely invisible, hidden behind their modestly covered uniforms. Only their writhing bodies could be seen.
The woman's hands lightly held on to the arms that gripped around her neck. Her body, which was currently suspended a few inches off the ground, exhibited the sheer strength of the man. Her hair, which fell to the sides of her shoulders, exposed her creamy neck. Her face appeared to be experiencing a sensation of titillating pleasure, her mouth agape slighly. Demonstrating this to be all consensual.
Their faces weren't completely clear, but they were clear enough to be recognised as a blond and a brunette. And so the conclusions were obvious. The scenario presented was clear and irrefutable. The strands tied together with red ribbons told all that needed to be said - what this scene was suggesting..
I could feel something breaking. The image that I had so carefully built of her in my mind was corroding away. Against my wishes, in place of it, an unrecognisable one was forming. One that I didn't want to unravel. One that I dreaded to thaw.
I thought I was used to this emotion. Was absolutely sure, had convinced myself that it couldn't break me again, that I had accepted it and was past it... Then what was happening..?
….No, this wasn't it. This was different. It wasn't at all comparable. The feelings I was so used to growing up didn't even come close to the ones I was feeling right now. This was magnitudes above all of that… This was new.
Where previous experiences left me with embarrassment and remorse, this left me hollow. Left me with dangerous thoughts. Left with me a desire to go back to how I used to treat these things. But most importantly, it left me with no will to go on..
Was I wrong once again?
Had I wrongly perceived again? Something I told myself to make sure that I would never repeat again. Had I misinterpreted our relationship that much? The one that I thought we both..
….
It didn't matter now. No amount of deciphering could give me relief from the predicament I was in right now. There would be no solace or rationality to find from this little thought experiment. It would only end up being a pointless endeavour. Only leading to further self-deprecation. Introspection was the last thing I wanted to do. I've already done it enough to last a lifetime. But.. it's also the only thing I had that was mine.
Finding answers wasn't what I wanted right now. Understanding, resting easy in the knowledge that I didn't have to read between the lines, because having to do so is exhausting, arrogant, selfish, and… But none of this matters right now.
There was only one thing left now. The only escape I had.. The only thing I wished for..
Self-preservation has always been how I survived in this world for the longest time. It wasn't by finding the root of the problem. It wasn't by a process of elimination. And it wasn't by solving the issue either. All of these were only recent epiphanies that I had come upon. No, it's always been about self-preservation with me. It was the most convenient route I could find - the one that would always be there. The moment I forgot that, the world would immediately remind me of its importance.
The concept of sharing that preservation with someone else, to submit oneself to another without a shred of doubt in their intentions. That was the wish I had been guided to, that I had declared to, in this very room. I didn't know if such a thing even existed, could exist for me.. But I had to keep searching. If the others could find it, then I could too, surely…
I didn't know if this was the correct answer. Didn't know if this was an answer that I only found in my haste to flee.. But it also was the only one I had.
That's why… I had to put it aside for now. It wasn't time. That wish had to be replaced.
A new one had to temporarily take its place, to secure me against the thing that terrified me the most..
…To make sure the events of this day wouldn't forever be ingrained into my mind for as long as I lived. Because doing so would break me. I knew that. It would push me to go some place that I wouldn't be able to fully come back from. Would be the most painful, excruciating experience ever. It would ruin me completely.
This time we shared.. This precious time. So I wouldn't end up hating what we had. Because, because it was my first… As such, I had to make sure that I could properly forget.. That I could properly move on from.. us.
Her face..
Please...
End this messy relationship that we had entangled ourselves into..
I beg…
I had to..