(We open at the McCormick residence in the old abandoned SodoSopa ruins, it cuts to the kitchen, where Stuart and Carol are arguing over a bottle of whiskey while Kenny and Karen watch nervously from the side, Kevin just eats pop tarts and doesn't care)
Stuart: I earned it! Back off bitch!
Carol: You motherfucker! You drained it down to the bottom. Learn to share or whatever!
(The bottle drops and almost lands on Kenny's head, thankfully he dodges it and it shatters on the floor, leaving them dumbfounded)
Stuart: Now look what you did!
Carol: How is it my fault, you drunken schmuck?!
(Carol holds her hand as if she's about to slap Stuart, but then puts it down)
Carol: Goddamn it. I don't even feel like beating you. I hate being old!
Stuart: (shifts mood and gains a visible smile) Aw, Carol. You're not old. How about I go and give you a reminder in the bed?
Carol: Knock it off, Stuart! I can't even fuck in peace when I have three good for nothing offsprings that do nothing but make noise!
Karen: That wasn't nice, mom...
Carol: Leave me alone! I wish I never got married!
Kenny: (Looking at a magazine) (Yeah, Mom. So we've heard...)
Carol: Hold it, Kenny. What are you reading there?
Kenny: (You took away all my Gazunga's so I have to settle with this Explorer news bullcrap.)
Carol: (Swipes the magazine) Let me see. Hold on! Stuart do you see that?
Stuart: Ew, Carol! I don't wanna hear about a bunch of kids getting touched!
Carol: Not that, you moron! This! (points at a page right next to the one Stuart was referring to)
Stuart: Aw, right. There's a normal Adventure Club too.
Carol: It says here they found the mythical Fountain of Youth and collected its water as a trophy! Do you realize what this means? I can finally regain all the youth and energy I lost!
Kenny: (Mom, they don't let anyone touch their stuff unless they're members.)
Carol: Aw, right... (Walks away)
(Carol exits her house and takes a long walk throughout the neighborhood, she passes by City Wok, then comes back when she notices a flier attached to the window, she reads it)
Carol: "City Ninja Service"?
(Carol is intrigued and enters the restaurant, she is greeted by Mr. Kim)
Mr. Kim: Herro! Welcome to Shitty Wok! Take order prease? Oh, Mrs. McCormick. You know I never see your family eat here. What changed your mind?
Carol: We never eat here because we're broke as shit! I came to learn more about this "City Ninja Service".
Mr. Kim: Oh, we Shitty Ninja lurk in the shadows for you. You can hire us for murder, theft... Only 5000 dorra.
Carol: 5000 dorra?! Can't I ever catch a break?! Will you take 50 cents?
Mr. Kim: 50 shents?! Shitty Ninja service costs at least 3000 dorra!
Carol: 55 cents.
Mr. Kim: Hey stop wasting my time with 55 shents! No way you get Shitty Ninja to work for you for less than 1000 dorra!
Carol: Okay, 1 dorra.
Mr. Kim: 5 dorra.
Carol: Okay.
Mr. Kim: Okay. Murder or theft?
Carol: Theft.
Mr. Kim: From where?
Carol: The Adventure Club headquarters.
Mr. Kim: Hey, you sick rady! I don't tamper with child morestation!
Carol: That's the SUPER Adventure Club, retard.
Mr. Kim: Oh, that's right, what do you want me to steal?
Carol: Water from the Fountain of Youth.
Mr. Kim: Okay, nice doing business with you.
Carol: You better bring me that water, punk. (Exits)
Mr. Kim: Hehehehe, never try to barter with a Chinese man.
(The next day, Carol is in the living room, drinking from a beer can and flipping channels until she hears a knock on her door, she opens it and Mr. Kim answers, holding the stolen water in a vial)
Mr. Kim: Now you pay up, rady.
Carol: (Hands him five dollars) There you go, Beijing.
Mr. Kim: (gives the water) No, I'm a Japnese ninja dammit! (leaves)
(Carol stares at the vial, excitement fills her eyes. The rest of the family enter)
Stuart: Was that the Shitty Wok guy? Did you spend all our cash on food?!
Carol: No, you braindead shithead. He got me the magic water.
Kenny: (shocked) (What?!)
Carol: Now I can finally regain my youth! (She drinks the vial and suddenly starts shifting. Her filth stains and wrinkles go away, her hair becomes slightly shorter, her makeup becomes more visible, and her clothing change from her green "I'm with Stupid" shirt, blue pants, and black shoes to a pink textless shirt, blue shorts, and purple sandals)
Kenny: (Mom?!)
Stuart: Carol, you... You...
Carol: What is it, Stuart?
Stuart: You look amazing...
Carol: It worked! I'm 25 again! I finally feel alive! (Punches Stuart so hard he gets knocked out) That's what you get, old man! I am done with your shit for good!
Karen: But mom, what about us?
Carol: Oh, you three are still okay I guess. Just don't ruin my partying. (Walks into the kitchen, opens the fridge, and pulls out a bottle of beer) Cheers for youth!!! (drinks it quickly, then burps loudly) Time to go crazy!!! (Continues pulling out bottles of alcohol and drinking them, after a while, she succumbs to the effects and waddles around) Stuart! kids! I'm gonna go on a youthful rampage! *hiccups* Don't wait for me! (Runs away from the house)
Karen: Kenny, what does she mean by "go on a rampage"?
Kenny: (It's going to be fucked up, that's for sure.)
(Main street, Carol in her drunken waddling bumps into Sharon Marsh)
Carol: Hey! Watch where you're going, old lady!
Sharon: Carol?! Is that you? Why do you look so young?!
Carol: Ain't none of your business, Sharon! (throws up on the floor)
Sharon: Oh my god, you're drunk! I should walk you home.
Carol: You ain't the boss of me, old Sharon! (sniffs the air) I smell something tasty! (runs over to the source of the smell, it's Cartman sitting on a bench with two buckets of KFC, he eats a wing when she shows up) Hey, Eric. Can you share some with me?
Cartman: Who the FUCK are you, Lady?! Get your own chicken!
Carol: Hey, look, a hippie parade!
Cartman: (becomes furious) What?! Where?! (He runs away to see for himself, Carol rips away all of the skin from the chicken, eats it all, then leaves the leftovers for Cartman to see when he returns and she's no longer there)
Cartman: Motherfucker! No one pulls this trick but me!
(Whistlin' Willy's, Carol barges in, noticeably bloated from the chicken skin yet somehow still craving more)
Whistlin' Willy: Where's your kid, ma'am?
Carol: Who gives a fuck about kids? I smell pizza! Where is it?! (shakes Whistlin' Willy with her hands)
Whistlin' Willy: Woah, lady! Watch your language please! You can order if you want!
Carol: I wasted all my cash on that Shitty Chicken guy! I can't! (Lets Whistlin' Willy go, then goes over to a table where Clyde and Bebe are eating a pizza together)
Clyde: Hey! What the hell?!
Carol: This bitch needs refreshments! (Swallows all their pizza)
Bebe: (Angered) What?!
Clyde: (Cries)
Whistlin' Willy: Woah, ma'am! I can't have you snatching the kids' pizza!
Carol: Whateva, I do what I want! (She continues stealing and eating pizza from the kids, after she's done, she catches everyone's attention) Hey kids! Wanna see what this free spirit is packing?
Clyde: Packing?
Carol: (Rolls up her shirt, tosses it aside, then takes off her bra and flashes all the kids, most of them scream and cry, but Clyde is somewhat charmed, much to Bebe's anger) Oh yeah! I'm young and pretty! Huh? (Cops suddenly show up and put her in chains)
Police Officer: You are under arrest for stealing and incident exposure!
(Another officer forcibly puts Carol's shirt back on and they walk away)
Carol: Arresting me for what?! I thought this was America! Isn't this America?!
(Park County Police Station, Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny are in the lobby)
Cartman: Ha-ha-ha! Kenny's mom embarassed herself and got arrested in public! And I thought Kyle's mom was stupid!
Kyle and Kenny: Shut up, fatass!
Sergeant Yates: Um, Kenneth. Your mother wants to talk with you.
(Kenny goes over to see his mom and comes back visibly shocked)
Stan: What happened?
Kenny: (I knew she was hungry, but Jesus!)
(The McCormick residence a week later, Carol has been paroled but her family is all repulsed by her new appearance, her gluttony has caught up with her and her body shape is now practically identical to Sheila Broflovski)
Carol: (Drinking beer) What is it?!
Stuart: Um, Carol. I know you were excited to cut loose and all that shit, but...
Carol: So I've gained a couple of pounds! No big deal!
Karen: But did you really have to empty the entire fridge?
Carol: It was practically empty anyway! I was doing ya'll a favor! (finishes her beer and lets out a burp, Stuart, Kenny, Karen, and Kevin are visibly disgusted)
Karen: Can you at least say excuse me?
Carol: Being sorry is for wimps like your no good deadbeat father!
Stuart: Shut up, bitch! (slaps Carol)
Carol: Fucking maniac! (kicks him in the groin) And stay down!
Stuart: Yes Carol...
Carol: Hold on, I feel a tango in my tummy...
Kenny: (Oh god...)
Carol: Uhp... (Her stomach gurgles loudly, She bites her lip and releases a fart) That did it.
Karen: (Covers her nose with her shirt) Mom! Gross!
Carol: I'm too youthful to be called Mom! Just say Carol!
Karen: (Still covering her nose) Okay, Carol...
Carol: Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to KFC! (Rises up from the couch and begins to head towards the door, but not before ripping a fart in Kenny's general direction without even noticing, Kenny throws up in response)
Kevin: Haha, Mom's become a gas factory.
(Carol continues her journey to KFC, sipping her beer and burping all the way and she enters)
Carol: I'm hungry! *burps loudly* who in here willing to share with me?! *burps again*
Butters: (Sitting with his parents) Uh, I'm pretty sure you can have some of mine, fat lady.
Carol: (Waddles) Who ya callin fuckin' fat?! *devours half of his wings, then lets out a massive burp*
Butters: (Disgusted) Uh, I think we should leave.
(Butters and his parents leave the restaurant and Carol notices the Marshes eating nearby and moves to their table)
Stan: (Pinching the bridge of his nose) Oh, fuck. It's Kenny's mom.
Sharon: (Shocked) Wait, Carol?! What have you done to yourself?!
Carol: Shut it, Old Sharon! The bigger, the better! (Swipes Shelly's bucket, then pours all of the wings into her mouth and swallows them)
Shelly: You fat turd! I'm gonna kick your ass!
Carol: *burps* You little punk! (picks up Shelly and throws her on the floor, all the other customers scream in panic and run)
Stan: Mom, Dad! We gotta get the fuck out of here!
Sharon: (Picks up Shelly and grabs her by the arm) He's right! Carol's gone insane! Come on Randy! Randy?
Randy: (Distracted by Carol's new big and youthful appearance) Ahh... uh, yes! (The Marshes all leave)
Carol: *burps* Nice, now I've got the whole place to myself. (Walks to the cashier) I'll have 100 free wings please!
Cashier: Uh, you better leave or I'm calling the cops!
Carol: Ah, fuck! (farts and leaves)
Cashier: (Covering nose) Eww...
(Tegridy Farms, Randy is in the living room, deep in thought on Carol, Sharon snaps him out if it)
Sharon: Randy?!
Randy: Uh, I don't have a thing for Mrs. McCormick! I swear!
Sharon: Uh-huh. I already saw what you looked up since we came back.
Randy: (Embarassed) Sharon! Talk about breaching privacy, gawl!
Stan: I don't get HOW you can find her pretty, she totally sicks me out! *sighs* I hope Kenny takes it well.
(Kenny's bedroom, the McCormick residence, he stares at the ceiling in misery while he hears his parents bickering outside)
Stuart: Carol! Why did you stink up the kitchen?!
Carol: I can't help how my body processes meat! It's not like yours smell like flowers!
Kenny: (Sighs)
(Kenny opens his bedroom door and coughs. The smell of Carol's farts has spread all the way from the kitchen. He exits the house for fresh air and silence)
Stuart: I've had enough of your bitchin'! I'm gonna watch some TV! (sits down at the sofa, Carol nearly makes him jump when she sits down too)
Carol: (With a bottle of whiskey) No, I wanna watch some TV! (Throws the bottle at his direction and misses, Stuart just sighs as he knows he's outsized in fights) If I can't beat you up, I'll stink you up! *closes eyes, lifts leg and starts farting, she lets out a whispery one, then a juicy one, and finally a thundery one*
Stuart: Ugh, Carol! I just can't take it anymore! (runs away to the bathroom to vomit, Carol sniffs the air and catches a whiff of her own emissions)
Carol: Huh. Kinda smells like the old outhouse over at Stark's Pond. *farts again, followed up by a burp*
(Basketball Court, Stan, Kyle, and Cartman are playing basketball and Kenny shows up with his face down)
Kyle: Oh, hey, Kenny. Is everything alright?
Kenny: (No. It fucking sucks! My mom's become a total slob and me and my dad can't do anything about it!)
Stan: Agh, not to mention her breath...
Kenny: (Or her fucking farts. Goddamn I hate what she's turned into.)
Cartman: I dunno, I'll say the smell's a pretty significant improvement over how your house smelled before, Kenny. But I agree, she totally needs to pay!
Stan: For what?
Cartman: She tricked me and ate all the chicken skin from my wings!!!
Kyle: Oh, so it's only a problem when that happens to you, fatass?
Cartman: Shut up, Kyle! You have no idea how much fat and gross people like her make me mad!
Kyle: Oh yeah? Like you don't drive everyone mad with your lack of respect and manners?!
Cartman: I am nothing like the smelly, fat bitches your and Kenny's moms are!
Kyle: My mom always had manners, she never just farted without caring like someone who I'm right now yelling at!
Stan: Alright, alright. Can we just focus on Kenny's mom for now? I really don't know how much worse can things get.
Randy: (Barges in) Stan! Is Kenny's mom home!
Stan: Oh no...
Kenny: (Yup. Even if she left, I still believe her stink is there.)
Randy: Thanks!
(Back at the McCormick's living room, Carol continues watching TV while picking her nose, she hears a knock)
Carol: Come in! *burps*
Randy: (A bit stunned by the smell but still infatuated) Oof, eh, hi, Mrs. McCormick.
Carol: How many more assholes do I have to tell to just call me Carol?!
Randy: Sorry, Carol. Look, I know we both already got a family and everything but...
Carol: But what?!
Randy: I... think I'm in love.
Carol: Ha! Like I haven't already given up on one old drunken retard with a mustache!
Randy: I don't wanna get physical or anything, Carol... But, what will make you happy?
Carol: Um... I'm pretty sure I'd like a couple of onion rings! And make it zappy!
Randy: Yes! Right on it! (storms out)
Carol: Finally someone recognizes my beauty. *farts* Ahh.
(A couple of minutes later, Randy comes back with onion rings)
Carol: Took ya long enough! (Pours all the rings into her mouth at once, swallows, and releases a big burp) Now scram!
(Randy leaves and just as the door closes Stuart comes in)
Stuart: Ugh! Will this smell ever go away?! Who was that?!
Carol: That was your drinking bud Randy. He actually took the time to care for me and bring me grub unlike your worthless ass!
Stuart: Fine! Let it be! You're not even worth it for sex anymore! You're just a big smelly blob of farts!
Carol: What did you just say?!
Stuart: Uh-oh.
Carol: You big mouthed cocksucker! (Ambushes him and tugs him to the ground, she begins beating him to a pulp) You have no right to disrespect me! You never succeed in anything! Now you do what I say or I'm gonna punish you, ya hear me?!
Stuart: You've already punished me enough! How mich worse can it get?!
Carol: Much worse.
Stuart: What? Ah!
(Carol drops Stuart on the ground, turns around and lays her asscheeks on his face)
Stuart: Ugh! I can't breathe!
Carol: Serves you right, redneck asshole! *takes a breath, and farts on his face* Is this better?! How about this?! *farts again* I can go on for hours! Huh... *concentrates, and unleashes a devastating fart blast that turns Stuart's face green*
Stuart: No more! No more! I'll obey!
Carol: That's what I thought! *stands up and leaves*
(unbeknownst to either Stuart and Carol, their children Karen and Kevin have watched the whole thing, Karen is stunned, Kevin is just smiling and typing on his phone)
Karen: Poor dad...
Kevin: "Poor little man gets farted on by a super sized ladette." Ha ha, this is gonna be great.
(Broflovski Residence, Sheila, Sharon, Linda Stotch, and Liane Cartman are all sitting in the living room)
Sheila: She stole your food and beat up Shelly? I always knew Carol was agressive, but I didn't think she'd go that far.
Sharon: Not only that, but Randy's totally in love with her new persona just like all the other revolting stuff that interests him!
Liane: Eric also complained to me about her a few times. She sure sounds... lost.
Linda: I had no idea a woman could ever act that crass! She's lucky burping in public isn't a federal offense!
Sheila: Now, hold on. I'm sure maybe we can get through to her somehow. How about we take her out to a girls' day out next week?
Sharon: I think I've had enough of dealing with her. I pass.
Linda: Me too.
Liane: Well, I'm fine with it, Sheila.
Sheila: Then it's settled. Let's just hope we can convince her to stop.
(Broflovski Residence, one week later, Sheila and Liane are waiting and Carol barges in, as usual, with a bottle of alcohol)
Carol: Here I am, bitches!
Sheila: What-what-what? Carol, what have you done to yourself?!
Carol: Don't start with all that bullshit about how fat and gross I am! I'm 20 years prettier than all you old skanks!
Sheila: What?! Excuse me?!
Liane: Now hold on, you two. How about we just go to the mall and try to relax?
Carol: Fine! But you two are paying I ain't got fuck for cash! *drinks, then burps* Well, let's go already!
Sheila: (Her patience already reaching limits) Oh, dear god...
(South Park Mall, the three mothers are walking together but aren't the least bit having fun)
Liane: Um, how about we all go shopping for some clothes?
Carol: Fuck clothes! I'm hungry! I want burgers!
Liane: This early? What do you think, Sheila?
Sheila: (coldly) Fine.
(The three of them sit at M Burgers and the waiter brings them their meals, Carol immediately starts devouring hers with her mouth open)
Sheila: (Trying to remain calm) Um, would you mind closing your mouth for just a little bit?
Carol: What the shit for?! All I'm doing is showing more of my inner beauty!
Liane: Well, it's just that not everyone sitting here seems to agree with you.
Carol: Fuck those people! They can kiss my clit!
(All the customers and workers stare at the three of them with furious expressions, Sheila and Liane are nervous but Carol's expression is unchanged)
Carol: Fine! (finishes her burger in one bite, burps, and wipes her mouth) You're all too old to handle me anyway. (Rises and walks away)
Sheila: (Leaving as well) Grr...
Liane: (Joining the others) Uh, please excuse our friend. She's had a bad week.
(All three of them step into a crowded elevator)
Sheila: (whispering to Liane) I feel like I'm about to explode inside.
Liane: Just a little bit more, Sheila.
(It's quiet for a few seconds until a fart is heard and everyone excluding Carol is gasping for air)
Sheila: Oh, Jesus! What's that smell?!
Carol: I farted. Had one burger too many if you haven't guessed.
Sheila: Are you kidding me?!
(The elevator opens and all the other people run and escape from the stench, Sheila and Liane come out holding their noses while Carol simply coughs)
Sheila: What the hell is wrong with you?!
Carol: Uh, nothing? Can't handle a little bit of my lady odor?!
Sheila: Lady odor?! Why, I oughta...
Liane: Sheila, please calm down. There's nothing to be upset about here, it's perfectly natural right, heh heh...
Sheila: Grr...
Liane: How about we go to someplace less crowded? Like Stark's Pond maybe?
Sheila: Yeah, we better go.
Carol: Well, I hope at least the wildlife will appreciate my beauty.
(The three of them arrive at Stark's Pond, Liane and Sheila are in a better mood now)
Liane: (Looking at the view) It's so pretty.
Sheila: It's gorgeous.
Carol: Oh, puh-lease! I'll show you gorgeous!
Liane: What are you doing?
Liane and Sheila: Gah!
(Carol undresses and stands in full naked glory in front of them)
Carol: Woohoo! Wanna compare sizes?! I bet yours are microscopic, Liane! Check out these babies! (Shakes breasts)
Liane and Sheila: (appalled and unable to speak)
Carol: Cannonball!!! (She runs over to the water, giving Sheila and Liane a full view of her bare ass, then jumps in and makes a massive splash) Come on in, gals! I'll warm it up for you. (makes a relaxed face, Sheila and Liane fully know what she's doing)
Sheila: GAH!!! I can't take it anymore! You're beyond helping! You're sickening! Don't you have a shred of decency and class?! I can't deal with it! I'm going home to take a long shower! (Storms away, Liane is left alone with Carol)
Carol: Pfft, let her leave. We'll have the water to ourselves. *farts, the water bubbles and a dead fish rises up*
Liane: (Vomits from disgust and runs away)
Carol: Guess I'm the only tough one around. *farts again, more bubbles surround her followed up by more dead fish*
(South Park Elementary, Clyde is watching a video on his phone with Craig, Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, and Butters next to him. It's the video Kevin published of Stuart being fart tortured)
Clyde: Dude, Kenny...
Kenny: (Embarrased) (My mom ruined my life.)
Cartman: (Smiles) Hey, relax Kenny. Maybe she can use the video's views to make a fortune and get you a better house. Kenny?
(Kenny leaves and walks in the hallways, some of the other kids recognize him and whisper to each other, some giggle)
(Later at the playground)
Butters: (Pats Kenny's back) Now, Kenny, look, I know all moms do things that weird us out sometimes, but if you forget all the farting, you'll be reminded it's still your mom.
Kenny: (Sighs) (Yes, I'm reminded of it every day.)
THE END