Well, it's been a minute and I think I owe you all an explanation. But I wanted to start with, thank you from the bottom of my heart. If you sent me a message over these last months. I want you to know, it got me through one of the darkest times in my life. I didn't have anything left to give and I was trying to figure myself out and get out of something really unhealthy. But I read all your words, all of them, and they gave me so much hope that I could get back here again and write the story I believe deserves an ending. You all deserve to know where Penny and Snape go, and I want to make that happen for you because you guys and this story bring me so much joy. SO thank. you, thank you for being here for me even though I am a random person on the internet. 3
I hope you enjoy this chapter that has been too long in the works"You're from Beauxbaton? You don't sound very French," said Sirius, turning his attention away from Lupin to look skeptically at the pair of them.
Draco stepped forward, a sneer curling his lip. "And tell me, exactly how are the French supposed to sound?" he said, voice dripping with a very convincing French-derision that made James' lips upturn in a placating smile; Lupin shift uncomfortably, and Sirius run his hand through his hair awkwardly.
"Uh—"
"Please excuse Sirius, he's lived an incredibly uncultured life. Of course none of us are doubting your French-ness, we're merely surprised because this is the first we've heard of new students coming, not to mention the timing seems a bit odd considering there's only a month left of the final term," said James.
"Uncultured," Sirius argued. "I'll show you uncultured, Prongs."
"Later, you shameless exhibitionist, Padfoot," James grinned.
"We came to take the NEWTs seeing as your Ministry of Magic will only consider applicants who have sat them," Penny said, the confidence in her voice making Sirius' frown falter.
"Is that true, Moony?" he said, turning back to Lupin.
"Technically, yes. But I did not think we were hiring outsiders right now" he said before realizing what he'd implied and blushed in embarrassment. "I mean—our relations with Ministère des Affaires Magiques de la France are great and of course it makes sense but—" he rambled before deciding it was better to just shut up.
Watching him made Penny smile. Young Remus was very different to the eloquent, albeit, currently infuriating man she knew, and yet that tender heart in him remained exactly as she once knew it before he'd turned into the liar he was in the present.
"What Moony is trying to say is how do we know you're not spies?" corrected Sirius.
"That's not—Sirius! You can't—"spluttered Remus.
"Tell me, why exactly should we care if the likes of you think we're spies? I wasn't aware any of you lot had hiring authority at the Ministry," drawled Draco.
"A fair point," said James,"I think we've offended our new friends enough, so why don't you shut your trap already, Sirius," he went on, slapping the handsome boy across the back of the head.
"What? Times are dark, we can't just let anyone waltz in here without explanation," shrugged Sirius, his eyes flashing in mild irritation at James.
"Yes, because any Death Eater trying to get into Hogwarts is going to be deterred by some 7th years," Penny interjected, green eyes reluctantly looking away from her father and finding her handsome Godfather's face looking mildly impressed but mostly annoyed, an expression she'd become all too familiar with when she'd spent those few glorious weeks living with him at Grimmauld Place.
The emotion roaring dangerously to life in her chest, she looked back to James to find him grinning approvingly at her.
"We're not just any 7th years—" Sirius protested, but James cut him off.
"While I agree with Sirius— I think you've said quite enough, and I beg your forgiveness on Sirius' behalf—he's known for his dashing good looks, not his manners."
"Indeed," added Lupin, "Please forgive his lack of tact."
Looking between his two friends, Sirius scowled, obviously annoyed with the mutiny going on before him. He made to protest, but James pushed past him and offered Penny his hand.
"And just so you know we mean it, let us properly welcome you with a British supper."
Penny glanced at Draco, who had to force his eyes not to roll into the back of his head, and with a nod followed the others across the grounds Penny had traversed countless times in her life, and yet, never had they been more beautiful; the bird's songs more melodious; the colors of the summer flowers more vivid, and the joy in her heart more palpable.
Gone was her trepidation, guilt, and the horrors that followed after her, filled instead with James Potter, his easy smiles and infectious charm. For the few minutes they spent traipsing across the grounds that Penny had often wished she could share with him like the other students often did when their families visited on the weekends, Penny was free. Free from herself and everything the red string of fate had dictated to her. For a few glorious moments, she was allowed to pretend she was just like everyone else—enjoying a summer stroll without the weight of all her sins to darken it.
Far too soon, Penny found herself seated at the Gryffindor table between the three boys, Draco sitting beside Sirius and looking very displeased. The pair ignored each other for a good twenty minutes, Sirius shoveling food into his face while Draco watched the entrance like a hawk. "I'll be back," he finally said to Penny when whatever he'd been looking for caught his eye, and then hurried off before she could ask where he was going.
"Fabian Prewett," James went on with his introductions, apparently not at all worried about Draco's departure.
"Hey," said a broad boy with curly dark hair who plopped himself down beside James.
"May I present Claire, our French exchange student," said James.
"Exchange student?" Fabian said, dark eyes crinkling in confusion.
James lent in and whispered, "She's come to help fight in the war."
Fabian's expression shifted immediately, features softening and eyes looking at Penny differently now. "I hope James told you exactly what you've signed up for," he said.
"I can't say he's gotten to that part yet, but I have a fair idea," said Penny.
"Here she comes," hissed James. Turning to Lupin he added, "Quick, how's my hair?"
Rolling his eyes, Lupin said, "Messy, as usual."
"Perfect," James replied before turning back to his plate and adopting a lackadaisical look about him.
Confused, Penny looked to her right, her whole body going stiff as she did so. There she was, walking arm-in-arm with a brown-haired girl, her face lit up with the most wonderful smile Penny had ever seen.
"She's beautiful," Penny and James said in unison, making Fabian do a double take, and Remus chuckle softly.
Lily Potter, currently Lily Evans, was taller than Penny and less curvy, but exponentially more beautiful. Staring at her in the flesh, Penny rather thought it was an insult to Lily's memory to suggest she looked like her mother.
Yes, her eyes were that familiar shade of green, but they sparkled in a way Pennys didn't, and her long locks of red hair, they rolled down her back in perfect curls, much unlike Penny's unruly ones. But it was the smile, the one she turned on Penny and made her feel like the only person in the world, that was truly magical.
"Who's this?" Lily said, her voice floating on the wind in perfect tune and making the heart in Penny's chest come to a halt.
She'd never heard her mother's voice before. The sound of it nearly brought Penny to tears as she stared up at the perfect young woman before her.
Like Penny, James sat mesmerized, the pair of them just staring at Lily, not realizing they should respond until she frowned slightly and glanced at Lupin, who looked far too amused.
"This is Claire Beauchamp, she's from Beauxbaton," Remus answered.
"How lovely!" Lily said "I'm Lily and this is Alice."
"H-hi," said Penny, giving her a weak smile.
"Will you be staying in the Gryffindor tower then?" Lily went on, looking a little unsure by Penny's response.
"Oh well. . ." Penny started before Sirius cut across her.
"She will, so I can keep an eye on her."
"British boys are so forward," Penny blurted out, shooting an annoyed look at Sirius. "You could at least ask me to tea first."
The table snorted with laughter at the incredulity that washed over Sirius' face.
"I wasn't—you're hardly my type!" Sirius retorted a little too late.
"I'd have to agree, you didn't strike me as being attracted to intelligence," said Penny.
"Sorry mate, but you're a manwhore, you don't have a type," James said between snorts, dodging sideways when Sirius reached out to smack him.
Lily's beautiful eyes crinkled in amusement and Penny felt as though she'd been knocked dead by how happy it made her feel to know she'd made this angel before her laugh.
"I don't think I've ever seen anyone get under Black's skin like that before," Alice said, her amusement looking a bit less genuine and a little more vindictive than Lily's.
"Maybe it would be best if we rescue Claire before he tries to reclaim his dignity," Lily nodded, offering Penny her hand.
Knowing James' eyes had snapped back to the pair of them, Penny moved before she even realized what she was doing, her shaking hand being engulfed by the warm ones of her mother's.
"Don't worry, Claire, we'll look after you," Lily assured her, apparently having noticed Penny's nerves.
Smiling weakly, Penny followed after Lily, her heart bursting with too many emotions for her to make head or tails of any of them.
"Something's not right with that girl," said Sirius loudly enough for them to hear as they were moving across the Great Hall.
"No there's not, you've just never had a girl reject you before," Remus sighed. "She seems clever, I like her."
"I concur with Moony. I know it's tough to accept, but those boyish good-looks of yours, they can only get you so far, Pads, and it's evident our Claire is a woman of taste."
"How do you figure that?" demanded Sirius.
"Did you see the way she looked at Lily? Now there's a girl who gets it," gushed James, making the other two boys groan and Penny smile inwardly.
She'd always heard of her parent's love being extraordinary, but even she'd never imagined the amount of affection her father harbored for Lily, it was the kind of love that Penny realized she wanted—even if she had to search every corner of the earth to find it.
"I just need to check in with my brother," Penny said as they neared the Slytherin table and she spotted that head of slicked-back hair looking right at home among the other Slytherin boys.
Glancing in the direction Penny was turning, Lily shifted awkwardly and said "We'll wait here for you."
Wondering what that was about, Penny tapped Draco on the shoulder.
"If it isn't my dear sister," Draco said with a languid smile.
"C'mon, we're headed up to the tower," said Penny.
"Go on without me, I'll be staying in the dungeons."
"Why?" Penny said, eyes narrowing suspiciously.
"Self-absorbed prat just isn't to my tastes, and my new friend here was kind enough to offer me a bed in his dormitory. Let me introduce you," Draco said, glancing sideways at the boy seated beside him.
The boy turned, snobbish gaze finding Penny. He gave her a once over, those dark eyes betraying his interest when the green met black.
"Severus, my sister, Claire."
"Claire? You don't look like a Claire to me," the boy said, his tone even more irritating than his adult self.
"And you don't look worth my time," Penny said, "So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to have a quick word with my brother," she went on, grabbing Draco by the upper arm and dragging him a couple of feet away from the table. "What are you playing at," she hissed.
"Don't look at me like that, you're the only tolerable Gryffindor, and my generosity only reaches so far," he replied.
"Right, so you just happened to befriend him of all people!" Penny fumed, shooting a glance over his shoulder and finding Snape watching her, black eyes furious.
"You can't honestly tell me you weren't the least bit curious."
"I can, because I'm not," Penny said, crossing her arms.
"Suit yourself then," Draco shrugged.
"Claire, are you coming?" that beautiful voice rang out, catching Draco's attention.
"Merlin, she looks exactly like you," he said, "More graceful and less brash though," he concluded before looking back at Penny. "Go, you don't want to keep your mother waiting," he said with a small shove.
Torn between not trusting Draco to be alone with young Snape and wanting to see her mother, Penny allowed herself to be ushered away, telling herself even if Draco was a nuisance, what was the worst he could do? After all, at this time Snape had not the slightest interest in Penny, so surely she would be safe from any meddling.
"That's your brother?" Lily said, features filled with concern when Penny returned.
"Yeah, his name is Jamie."
"You should tell him to be careful with that lot," Alice said.
"I think he can hold his own, but I'll pass the message on," Penny smiled, her eyes watching her mother very carefully.
She was staring in Draco's direction, but Penny got the feeling that Snape was the one she was looking at.
"You know that boy, Severus?" Penny pressed out of curiosity.
"We were childhood friends," Lily replied reluctantly.
"Were being the key word," added Alice. "Snape signed away his life to the Death Eaters."
"We don't know that, Alice."
"Yes we do, Lily, you just don't want it to be true. He made his choice."
"Yeah well, he can un-choose it too."
"You think someone can come back from something like that?" Penny asked Lily, almost afraid of what her answer would be.
"Lily always wants to believe the best in people, it's her greatest flaw," answered Alice.
"No," Lily said to Alice before turning to Penny, "They have to want to be something else. But I don't think one mistake should define someone's whole life. We can't win the war like that—telling people we won't forgive them for being taken in by it, we have to create a place they feel like they can come back to."
"But is there a point of no return?"
"The only point of no return is when we give up believing we can be better people."
"I hate to break it to you, but you don't live in reality, Lils," Alice said with a shake of her head.
"Maybe it seems outlandish now, but that doesn't mean she won't make it a reality someday," said Penny.
"Exactly!" Lily said, her face lighting up when her green eyes turned on Penny. Looking back into her mother's eyes, it both filled Penny with more joy than she'd ever felt in her entire life, and broke her heart in ways she never thought possible.
Every part of Penny wanted to collapse into her mother's arms, make her confessions and beg for the forgiveness she knew she didn't deserve. But she couldn't, because Lily Evans wasn't Penny's mother, not yet. This girl, she was a piece of the amazing woman she would become, the same one who would give her life to protect her children, and here she stood, unknowingly giving her own daughter the comfort she so desperately needed after committing a sin Penny knew she could never come back from.
Overcome by the gravity of her actions, Penny told the other two girls to head up to their dormitory while she paused before the fire in the common room.
Cold sweat coating her palms and legs shaking, Penny looked down at her own two hands. As easy as it was to get lost in the dream of her parent's, Penny could not escape her reality and the truth she knew would shatter these two beings she loved more than life itself. James and Lily Potter were good, good like Harry was good. But Penny, no matter how much she desired to be worthy of them, she could not escape her own truths. She was a murderer, no better than the Death Eaters she tried to convince herself she was nothing like—the same Death Eaters her parents would spend their short adult life fighting.
Try as she might to bite back the tears, several escaped and rolled slowly down her face as though craters had long ago carved out a path along her cheek.
"I know the others can be a lot, especially Sirius, but they mean well," said a soft voice from behind Penny.
Startled, Penny jumped, realizing she hadn't noticed Remus enter the common room.
"Oh! Sorry, no it's not that—you're all lovely, honestly," Penny said, wiping her cheeks hastily.
Remus stepped up beside her, his warm brown eyes scanning her face, and lips downturning in worry.
Though the youthfulness in his own face made him almost unrecognizable to her, she did recognize the way he saw right through her, and felt whatever she was feeling. Reaching out, his warm hand gave hers an instinctive squeeze as though to be sure she knew that she wasn't alone.
She watched him in silence for a long moment, eyes flicking across the foreign features, noting the absence of several scars she knew like the back of her hand.
"It's just—have you ever wished for something so hard that when that wish finally came true, it made you feel. . .sad?" Penny blurted out, those eyes of his making her forget this wasn't her Remus and that this one did not know her the way she knew him.
But even this Remus, like his adult counterpart, did not look the least bit taken aback by Penny's forthcomingness, instead he looked thoughtful, mulling over her question for a moment.
"Best not tell James he's a dream come true," Lupin smiled. "His ego doesn't need any more help."
Penny laughed, she had to agree with Remus, but there was still something wonderfully charming about her father's confidence.
"In all seriousness, I think that sadness doesn't sound like sadness at all, but fear. Maybe it's a fear of squandering something; reality not living up to the dream, or just simply feeling unworthy."
"Fear?" Penny repeated, thinking hard on her feelings.
"Yes, and I say that as someone who has a rather close relationship with fear."
Glancing sideways, she noticed the way Remus avoided her gaze, and she understood what he was referring to. These were still the times he lived in secrecy, always in fear of being outed. Thinking about it, Penny realized she did not know when exactly the world would learn Remus Lupin was a werewolf, but it could not be that far off.
"I'd forgotten there are more types of fear than the obvious ones," Penny admitted, thinking back to how often in the last year the fear of bodily harm had consumed her. "But I'm not sure if that changes my not knowing what to do now."
"Fear thrives in the dark of isolation we like to cage it in, but I've come to think that it can be transformed when you expose it."
"Yeah? Wouldn't happen to have a flashlight on you?" quipped Penny.
"A what?" Lupin said, brows furrowing in confusion.
"Sorry, muggle-born, but it's a contraption that basically does what lumos does."
"Ahh. I wasn't meaning for you to take it quite so literally," he smiled.
"What were you thinking?"
"I mean, sharing is a good place to start."
"Maybe."
"Try it and find out."
He looked expectantly at her, Penny shifting awkwardly.
"I don't know how to start," she said sheepishly.
"Alright, let's try it this way," he said with an understanding smile, "Tell me, Claire, if this is a dream come true, what is it you're so afraid of that you'd let the moment pass you by without enjoying it to the fullest extent?"
"Before I bare my soul to you, Mr. Remus Lupin, tell me first, are you only asking because Sirius expects you to report back to him?" Penny said, turning to face Remus.
It was his turn to shift beneath her gaze, that confidence receding into that shy, uncertain shell of his.
"I'm not here with ulterior motives, if that's what you think," he said quietly. "I asked because—I'd want someone to ask—if it were me."
Smiling down at her own feet, the heart in Penny's chest ached as she remembered her Remus and that good heart of his; the days when she'd been able to trust him without fear.
"I want to grab on and let it all wash over me," she began, wishing very much her voice would steady itself, "but I know that doing that will only make letting go that much harder."
"Ah," he said, understanding brimming in his voice and reminding Penny much more of the Remus she knew, and not the nervous boy he was around a young Sirius. "Life moves even when we wish it wouldn't, and much faster than seems fair. But I think, or at least I tell myself, it's worth it, that pain. To have had the chance to make these cherished memories, it's enough. Who knows what waits for us with the war, and maybe we won't all make it. But they can't take these moments from me. I'm not sure if that's at all useful, but I find a small solace in it," he said with a nervous smile when Penny looked back up at him.
"That's. . .a very nice way of thinking about it," Penny said, giving his hand a squeeze of her own. "You must know everyone's secrets, it's far too easy to talk to you."
"And you're far too kind."
"I wasn't being kind, I was being honest," said Penny. "If James has too much confidence, I think you could do with a bit more."
"Yeah?" he said, his features lighting up.
Penny nodded. "Thanks for the ear, Remus. I think I'm going to take a walk before bed."
"Curfew is in an hour," he called after her.
Waving her goodbyes, Penny made her way through the castle, managing to avoid most of the other students by using the secret passages Fred and George had taught her. She needed to speak to Draco and assumed he must currently be residing in the Slytherin common room, but for good measure Penny decided to check the library before heading in that direction.
Taking the corner rather absentmindedly, Penny collided with something that knocked her backward onto her bum.
"Watch where you're going!" a harsh voice snapped.
Looking up, Penny found the irritating voice belonged to none other than Severus Snape. In the same moment, he realized who she was, his face reddening on the spot.
"Because you couldn't have used your own eyes and seen me coming," Penny said, ignoring the hand he awkwardly offered to help her up.
"I was reading!"
"Oh?" Penny said, dusting herself off and finally looking at him, her eyes surveying the book in his hand with interest before swiping it from him to get a better look at it.
"Excuse me—" he started, but Penny cut across him.
"Alechcmic Potionteering: It's Not the Ingredients That Matter, It's the Ratios," Penny read out loud. "You do know Hart makes these claims with zero scientific basis. He made a single observation about polyjuice potion and then attempted to make a blanket statement," she said, shoving the book back to the boy in distaste.
Snape didn't take the book, instead he stood, staring at her, mouth agape and hand frozen in place, dark eyes narrowed as though he did not quite believe his ears.
Looking back at him, Penny finally allowed her eyes to do exactly which she knew she would sorely regret—take in young Severus Snape.
He was skinnier than the man she knew. Age had definitely broadened him, but a young Snape was in no way gangly in the way Harry was. He appeared lean, the arm reaching for his book nicely toned. His skin was the same milky color, but noticeably smoother. His hair remained the same, luscious and hanging just above his shoulders as it always had.
Staring at the boy before her, Penny blushed, realizing, even in the past she could not escape how attracted to Severus Snape she was.
"While I may agree with you in part, I think Hart has proven himself on enough counts to be worth the consideration, even if the concept requires a few iterations to get right," he snapped, pincer-like grasp taking back his book.
"You would defend him, wouldn't you," Penny sighed, seeing too much of the Professor she knew in the boy looking back at her and bursting her arousal bubble.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"That I think you're a bad judge of character and thesis'," Penny said without thinking, only to realize she should probably act more like an acquaintance and less like someone who was accustomed to arguing with Snape, though she took a greedy glee from that stupid dumbfounded look on his face when she bit back at him with ease.
"And how exactly did you come to that conclusion," Snape said stiffly, the fingers clutching his book becoming progressively whiter by the second.
"A hunch, but Hart is a known crook and has been accused several times of manufacturing results."
"Those allegations—" Snape started, looking thoroughly furious by this point.
"Whatever your arguments, I can guarantee I've already heard them, so spare me. I'm trying to find Dr—my brother, have you seen him?"
His expression looking far too similar to the one adult Snape gave her when he was on the verge of strangling her, this Snape spat, "No," turned on his heel and marched away.
"Hey, don't act like we both don't know Hart's a Death Eater. So, if you're trying to be covert, I suggest not advertising you read him," she yelled after him, causing Snape to stop mid-step, turn and give her an icy stare.
They squared off in silence, those dark eyes scanning her like they had so many times in the future. But this Snape, he looked more perturbed by Penny, as though she made him question himself more than he was comfortable with, like he was paranoid, almost.
"Who are you," he said, voice deathly quiet..
"Claire—"
No. Who are you, really," he repeated, taking a step toward her, hand at his side moving toward his pocket, where Penny suspected his wand was.
Instinctively, her feet took a step backward. She knew him too well, knew he'd reached the point where he was prone to act outlandish. She'd been a fool to forget that this Snape didn't know her, didn't hold any form of affection for her. Whatever he would be tempted to do next, there was nothing between them to cause him to check his own anger.
"I told you, I'm Claire Beauchamp, I don't know what more you want me to say," Penny said, her feet continuing backwards while his progressed forward, as though her retreat was a confirmation of his suspicion and her guilt.
His hand had moved away from his pocket, perhaps he could sense he didn't need it, Penny kicking herself for leaving her own wand behind at the Malfoy Manor. Hadn't Moody always taught her to never let it go? With the horrid collar around her neck, she was no better than a muggle, and even though Penny was not averse to fist fights, she did not feel confident she would come out the victor.
"Is that so?" he breathed, stepping into her space when Penny's back collided with the corridor wall behind her because she could retreat no farther.
He'd slowed by this point, dark eyes taking in the scene before him. The breath hitched in Penny's chest when he crossed over that barrier between them, leaving less space than was generally considered polite.
Black eyes bored into the green, Penny wondering vaguely whether he was any good at occlumency yet, or if he too felt the electricity between them that was making it harder and harder for Penny to concentrate. Breaking away from the green, he looked down at her neck, a thin finger tapping that cursed collar.
"And what would this be? Some sort of French fashion?" he drawled, Penny trying hard to ignore the fact that his hot breath was blowing across her face and making it nearly impossible to respond because all she wanted to do was feel the mouth it came from pressed against her own.
"What else would it be?" Penny challenged, sounding more confident than she felt.
"Something to record with, perhaps?" he offered, his pointer finger sliding along the length of the collar, as though searching for something.
Penny closed her eyes and bit back her arousal as his pinky skimmed the skin of her neck.
Finding what he was looking for at the back of Penny's neck, he pressed firmly and the collar snapped open.
"If I wanted to spy on you, there are much more subtle ways to do so," Penny said, finally opening her eyes when he pulled the collar away from her neck.
"You don't strike me as the subtle type," he said, turning it over to examine before offering it to her.
"I think we've already established you're not a very good judge of, well, anything," Penny said, taking the collar back, and glad for a reason to look away from him.
"That remains to be seen," he said, not releasing the collar and giving it a small tug until she looked back up at him.
The cold eyes flashed and the corners of Snape's lips upturned in a smirk when Penny met his gaze.
"Welcome to Hogwarts, Claire Beauchamp," he said softly, leaning in ever-so-slightly as he did so. Penny knew from the look on his face that her reaction, which was to hold her breath, brought him a great amount of satisfaction, and releasing the collar, he left her there to sink into the wall and try to forget the way he made her heart race and nerves tingle.
Was Severus Snape forever destined to be her undoing?
Head reeling, and not even wanting to bother with Draco at this point, Penny returned to the Gryffindor common room, telling herself it would probably be best to avoid Snape. She had more than enough of him in the future, but what she didn't have was Sirius, James or Lily, and so she joined them on the sofa in the common room and tried to push the feelings she would rather not encourage to the back of her mind.
Scrambling out of bed the next morning, Penny found a note on the bedside table scrawled in lovely cursive writing.
Claire,
We didn't want to wake you, but here are a couple of my Gryffindor robes, if you'd prefer to blend in a bit more during your stay.
-Lily.
Smiling to herself, Penny carefully folded the note and tucked it into her pocket before putting on one of the robes and hurrying down to breakfast.
"Claire darling, I thought you were never going to join us," James said as Penny approached the table. "Come, have Sirius' spot."
"She cannot," Sirius said, crossing his arms in defiance.
"Fine, if you're so intent on being sour this morning. Scoot over, will ya, Moony?" James said, and Remus did, James moving over so Penny could squeeze in between him and Sirius.
"More tea?" Penny offered Sirius as she reached for the kettle.
"Don't think you're going to win me over that easily, spy," Sirius said, taking the kettle from her and pouring it for himself.
"You know, I don't think you're interesting enough for me to even bother," Penny said, turning away from her young Godfather to fill her plate.
"What kind of girl are you?" Sirius scoffed, Penny turning back and snorting with laughter at the utter disbelief etched into the beautiful boy's face.
"What does that even mean?" she laughed.
"It means—Sirius doesn't know what to do with a girl who isn't trying to sleep with him," James said dismissively. "Isn't that right, Pads?" he called over Penny.
"Who wouldn't want to sleep with me? I'm great to sleep with," Sirius replied.
"Not according to Mary MacDonald," Remus said as he buttered his toast.
"Mary MacDonald only said that because she's mad I dumped her," said Sirius. "Didn't stop her coming back to beg for more, though, did it."
"Whatever you say, mate," James said, turning to Remus. "Where's Peter? I thought he was getting out of the Hospital Wing today?"
"The swelling still hasnt gone down."
"Bad luck," James said with a grimace.
"I say this with the utmost love," Sirius started.
"Here we go," grinned James.
"—but how much of a useless sod do you have to be to make a growth potion go wrong. I could brew that in my sleep," Sirius said through a mouthful of sausage.
"Our Peter might not be the cleverest of the bunch, but he has heart," said James. "Which is more than I can say for you."
"Is that a challenge?" Sirius said, handsome eyes glinting.
"What're you wagering?"
"The pack of smokes I swiped off Filch, you?"
"A run to The Three Broomsticks for more of Rosmerta's meade."
"You're on then, whoever wins the honor of being Slughorn's favorite today takes all."
"Guess that means I should get a move on if I'm actually trying today," said James, giving a large stretch. "C'mon, Claire, I'll show you the way to Potions."
"I'm not done eating yet," Sirius said incredulously, mouth full.
"And?" said James. "You're a big boy, I trust you can find your way to the dungeons alone."
"Moony—" Sirius tried, turning to Remus, but he gave an apologetic shrug and followed after Penny and James.
When they arrived in the Dungeons, Draco was already there.
"I saved you a seat, dear sister," he said with a smile that made Penny instantly suspicious. James and Remus started unpacking their stuff at what must have been their usual place at the back of the room, Penny sliding in beside Draco.
"Stop scowling Claire, you'll get wrinkles."
"Are you going to tell me what you were up to last night?"
Draco glanced sideways at her, his eyebrow arched slightly, "I did not realize you were interested in my sex life."
"I'm not—already—who!" Penny spluttered, cheeks burning red.
"Don't worry, I left Severus' virginity for you," he replied with a wink.
"I'm not interested," Penny scowled before getting to her feet and going to angrily collect her materials for the day.
When she returned, Draco slid something across the table, "A peace offering for what I'm about to do," he said, Penny realizing it was her yule wand.
"That spot's taken," a cold voice said from beside Penny, distracting her from Draco.
"Severus, forgive me. I'll move over with Mulciber," Draco said, moving out of his seat before Penny could put two and two together.
The sound of Snape's voice had sent Penny's brain whirring as her body remembered how good it felt to be near the boy, and forgot to protest Draco's shameless departure. Stamping down her hormones, Penny quickly realized that Draco had lured her here for this exact purpose, to force her to be alone with Snape for his own amusement. Having been thoughtful enough to retrieve her wand or not, Penny would not forgive the boy for his blatant attempts to hook her up with the mini-version of the man who'd broken her heart—no, ground it into ash.
Young Snape seemed to also suspect something was amiss with Draco as well, his eyes flicking away from Penny and narrowing on the boy, who was now seemingly engrossed in conversation with the other boys, before looking back to her.
"Move," he said after a moment's silence.
"You can't be serious, there's an open space right there."
His slim fingers tapped the table impatiently, daring Penny to press him.
Not wanting to give Draco the satisfaction of watching them argue, Penny gave a great heave and said, "You know what, I don't even care," and shoved her stuff into the place Draco had just vacated.
Tapping her wand against her cauldron, Penny looked up at the instructions Slughorn had placed on the board and did her best to try and forget the boy beside her. A task easier said than done, seeing as the table was now humming with the electricity she felt emanating from him, and his shoulder kept brushing hers, shocking her attention back to being fixated on him.
After the seventh time reading the first line of instructions and absorbing nothing, Penny heard Slughorn say at the back of the room,"the Draught of Living Death almost always comes up in NEWTs, it can be quite tricky, but with a deft hand, is not too tedious."
Realizing she could brew this in her sleep because Penny had attempted this very same potion in her 3rd year at Hogwarts, and remembered it keenly because Snape had irritated her by suggesting that Penny did not have the skill for such a potion, so she spent countless evenings in his empty classroom, which he conveniently left unlocked, trying, until on her 7th try she succeed.
She recalled how he'd wander in from time-to-time to make some snide remark, but that last time, he'd looked down in silence before giving her a backhanded compliment.
The Snape beside her did not seem to ooze the same amount of confidence, and was muttering furiously to himself as he attempted to cut up his sopophorous bean, which ricocheted off the knife and around the room.
"What are you doing," Penny said, earning her an irritated look from the boy. "Crush it with the side of your knife, it cracks easier and you'll get more juice."
"In case you hadn't noticed, the instructions say cut," he practically seethed.
"And in case you hadn't noticed, the exterior of the bean is hard, you'll need more points of pressure than the edge of a knife can offer."
Laying her knife sideways, she cracked open her own bean with a quick fist against the knife, more juice than seemed possible, spewing from the shriveled thing. Snape's sneer only grew as Penny's eyebrows receded toward her hairline as though to say, "See?"
Dumping the contents into her cauldron, Penny felt a great sense of satisfaction as Snape all but gaped as her potion turned the shade of lilac Slughorn was telling them it should be by now.
Vein throbbing in his neck, he turned away from her, and in his ego's refusal to engage in any self-reflection, or entertain she knew something he didn't, continued his attempts at cutting his beans.
"Well, well, well, looks like Miss Beauchamp might have thrown you off your throne, Snape," Slughorn said twenty minutes later when he made his rounds to declare the best brew of the day. "My dear, where did you learn such craftsmanship?" he continued, admiring the almost luminescent quality of Penny's draught.
"It came about through diligent study, and being open to correction," Penny said, shooting a smirk at Snape, whose face was a brilliant shade of puce.
"Well it has certainly paid off," Slughorn beamed. "You should ask her to study, Snape, she could teach you a thing or two. The rest of you should come take a look at Miss Beauchamp's draught before leaving so you know the shade you're aspiring to."
Feeling much too smug, Penny gathered her things, Snape making a point of ignoring her as he scribbled furiously in the margins of his copy of Advanced Potion Making, before slamming it shut.
Turning to look at her, his black eyes scrutinized her for a long moment before he decided to take a slow, deliberate step sideways into her space. His shoulder pressed against hers, Penny forced herself not to give him the satisfaction of making her shrink away from him, but even in her refusal to back down, they both knew he'd gained the upper hand again when he reached for the ladle she was holding, cold fingers skimming the back of her hand, and forcing her to hide the gasp that escaped her lips with a cough.
She let go, as though shocked, causing the corner of his lips to upturn. He swirled the contents within with a delicate hand, and then lifted it upward and let it slowly tickle out, his black eyes finding hers from the corner of his eyes.
Every muscle in her body tensed, Penny held her breath as the air around them exploded.
With limited success, she'd been able to hide the fact she hadn't been aware of his every movement for the entirety of the class, but pressed up against her, Penny found it impossible to think on anything but how much she wanted to tear open every button on his uniform shirt, which was evidently one size too small for the boy.
"I am curious where you learned to brew this with such ease."
"At school," she managed with a shrug, looking decidedly away from Snape in a desperate attempt to get a grasp on herself.
"Funny, I had not heard of Beauxbaton being known for its academics."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Merely, that I find it surprising that a 7th year student such as yourself would be so familiar with this—implausible even."
"And where might I have learned it, if not at school," Penny said, alarm bells going off in her head as he offered Penny back the ladle.
"That—" he said, waiting for her green eyes to meet his, "remains to be seen, doesn't it," he finished in barely more than a whisper, when Penny could avoid his gaze no longer.
"Well, I've ever been asked out like that before," Penny said with a simpering smile, her hand yanking the spoon out of his grip, so as his skin could not linger on hers. "Can't say it's effective though. I'm busy tonight but better luck next time, Severus," and tossing the ladle into the cauldron and throwing her bag over her shoulder, Penny turned and jogged after Lily, catching the way Snape's face contorted in rage at her words. Smiling inwardly, Penny thought there might not be anything she enjoyed more than annoying that man, but then Lily turned that brilliant smile of hers on Penny, and she forgot all about the surly boy who's black eyes followed her all the way out of the dungeons.
"That was really brilliant work, Claire," Lily smiled.
"And highly inconvenient," added Sirius, who looked annoyed. "I was 2 shades of lavender lighter than James and ready to take all."
"Keep dreaming, Pads. Our brilliant Claire takes it all."
"She made no wager!" Sirius protested.
"And you didn't specify she had to, just said Sliughorn's favorite, so fork over the goods."
Looking very much like he wanted to argue, he tossed the cigarettes at James and made a point of not looking at Penny. A wide grin stretched across his face, James turned to Penny, "May I?"
She nodded and he swiped one for himself before passing them to her.
"Sorry you got stuck with Snivellus, if I'd known your brother was going to move, I'd have given you my seat," James said, the cigarette between his lips.
"He wasn't impolite was he?" Lily asked, looking concerned.
"Of course he was, he's a git," answered Sirius.
"He was a bit stand-offish," Penny said to Lily.
"He didn't say anything strange?" Lily pressed.
"He was hardly going to try and recruit her into his little cult in the middle of class, if that's what you're worried about, Evans," said Sirius with an eye roll.
"Watch your tone Pads. You know as well as the rest of us what he's capable up, so don't try and act like Lily is being anything other than an amazing, thoughtful, caring friend,"James said, a sternness Penny had never heard, tinging his voice.
Lily blushed, a small smile spreading across her face, James smiling back at her, making Sirius retch loudly.
"I'm gonna go see where Moony disappeared to before you two start snogging," said Sirius. "Meet me later for Rosmerta's?"
"About that. . ." James said, biting his lip.
"We always go on Thursday nights!" fumed Sirius.
"No, we always on on the Thursday nights you aren't shagging someone," James pointed out. "So I don't feel guilty sitting this one out."
"And what about the mead you owe Claire?"
"Oh right, Claire darling, why don't you join them? Moony could use someone to make interesting conversation with."
"I'm interesting!" Sirius fumed, looking sulky now.
"Of course you are, that's why you're my best mate, and why I'd only trust you to show Claire a good time," James grinned, giving Sirius a pat on the back.
"Fine, but only because I need to keep an eye on her."
"Catch you later then, I gotta make sure the team knows we're having practice tonight. Can't risk losing this cup."
Not bothering to even look at Penny, Sirius turned in the opposite direction and left, Penny watching her mother and father walk off toward the great hall, their fingers skimming each other's, as though they wanted to hold hands, but weren't quite ready to have the rest of the school privy to the burgeoning relationship.
"Young love, isn't it the most deluded thing you've ever beheld?" said the smooth tones of Malfoy.
"What would you know of love?" Penny said, poking her friend hard in the ribcage with the end of her wand.
"Nothing, obviously. I've never been stupid enough to fall in love," he winced.
"Yeah? What're you so afraid of?"
"Ending up like you."
"I'm not in love with anyone!" Penny protested, Draco stepping in front of her and tapping her bottom lip, as though scolding her.
"What have I told you about lying to me? Even your favorite class wasn't enough to keep your eyes off the more awkward and much-less attractive version of Snape. He isn't even clever or seductive yet." Draco accused.
"I-I was just seeing how well he brewed!" Penny lied, her cheeks red. "And," Penny pressed when Draco snorted with laughter, "need I remind you it was you who forced us together. If I didn't know any better I'd say you were hoping—"
"You'd fuck him and get it out of your system? Absolutely."
Penny scowled at this, and poked the boy again.
"What? Don't act like I don't have your best interests at heart, because we both know if you slept with the future version of himself, he'd blow your mind and then I'd really never be rid of him. Virgin Snape can suck you in with those pretty dark locks and high cheeks and leave you disappointed enough to move onto something else."
"Is that why you brought me here?" Penny said, eyes narrowing dangerously, finally making Draco's composure falter.
"I'm awful but not that awful. It'd just be a happy coincidence."
"Well it's not happening, so you can stop playing cupid already. I don't need more Snape, I just want some time with them."
He surveyed her before sighing.
"Fine. What do you need?"
"This will sound stupid," Penny said, shifting uncomfortably and looking at her feet.
Knuckle taking up residence beneath her chin, Draco tilted her head to meet his gaze, those grey eyes scornful, like her reluctance was a slight.
"He's the quidditch captain and his awards are all over the trophy room—it's his legacy—I guess I was hoping to find some way to share it with him."
"That's it? You just want to play Quidditch with your dad?" repeated Draco, looking as though he couldn't quite believe his ears. "You're really too wholesome for someone as degenerate as Snape, but give me the night to figure out who I need to blow to make it happen," he said, leaning down to kiss her cheek.
"Draco, I don't want you to feel like you have to do that—"
"You say that like it won't be enjoyable for me" he said, gray eyes finding her own when he pulled away from her cheek.
"Fine," Penny said with an eye roll. "I won't be around later, apparently I'm to go to The Three Broomsticks."
"Drinking on a school night? I could get used to this," he said, eyes flashing and making Penny feel as though the boy was planning something, but he'd turned before she could press him.
Letting out a long sigh, Penny let herself slump back against the cold window. It was a dream come true, getting this time with her parents, but the longer she spent here, the more her heart ached, because she knew, time was working against them, and when that final chime of the clock came, Lily, James and Sirius would be ripped from her from the second time. The prospect of that pain almost made Penny wish she'd never come. But that was no longer an option, so forcing herself to move from the spot, she decided to make the most of the time she did have.
When the sun had set, Penny found herself creeping with Remus and Sirius through the secret passage that opened in the Honeydukes cellar, SIrius chattering away endlessly, but Penny catching very little because her mind kept wandering back to Snape. She had not anticipated being so caught off guard by the boy, and annoyingly magnetized to him. But the thing that perplexed her most was the way he also seemed abnormally at ease around her, like being with her was the most natural thing in the world. It was as though when they were in each other's presence, everything around them melted away and there was only the other, and that desperate need to be closer, get beneath the other's skin, overpowered any other instinct they might have.
When they finally arrived, about half the bar greeted Sirius, Rosmerta giving his handsome cheek-bone a kiss that Lupin quickly looked away from. He retreated to a bar stool while Sirius made his rounds, Penny followed after Lupin, accepting the firewhisky the boy offered her with a sheepish smile.
"And here I didn't think he could get any more flamboyant," Penny said with a shake of her head before throwing the drink back.
"Just wait until he gets a few drinks in him."
"And you, what are you like after a few drinks?" Penny said, trying to shift the conversation away from Sirius because she did not miss the way Remus' features darkened when his warm brown eyes found Sirius throwing himself into the lap of a pretty witch.
"I don't normally have more than a couple. But they help to take the edge off," he shrugged.
"Edge? What edge?"
"I'm not exactly as socially gifted as," he jerked his head in Sirius' direction.
"You could not be further from the truth, my dear Mr. Lupin. I find you have a unique gift for making others feel at ease. You don't need to be so ridiculous for others to see how lovely you are."
"And yet, he still always chooses their company to mine," he replied, his voice becoming notably raspier as the bitterness seeped from his words.
Penny looked at the boy and wondered exactly what would transform him into the man she knew, the same man who always seemed to be the master of his emotions. Though, to be fair, in all the years she'd known him, Sirius had always been a topic he'd shared very little with her about. She did not know for how long he would endure the agony of his unrequitted love, and did not even know now, what it was like for Remus to lose Sirius all over again.
He'd always been the one there for her, to let her feel the things she often did not want to feel, and say the things that overwhelmed her. But that relationship had always been one-sided. This Remus, he spoke to Penny as his equal, and she found hidden here, something she'd so often failed to acknowledge. He too felt disappointment, and despite the way life piled it against him, he never stopped trying.
Soaking in the pain etched in his features, she wondered how often the man had pushed it all aside for her. How much love would he have had to harbor for her, that after everything he'd gone through in his life, he'd somehow find a way to show up for her with everything he had.
"Sometimes we run away from those things that are best for us, not because they aren't important, but because we're afraid we don't deserve them, or that we'll taint their goodness. But he won't always be a fool, Remus."
"How can you say that with such confidence?" he asked, running a hand through his hair as he let out a small sigh.
"Because someone as good as you comes around once in a lifetime, and even though he hides it with flamboyance and promiscuity, he's just as afraid as you are."
Remus' cheeks burned red, and his mouth upturned in one of the sweetest smiles Penny had ever beheld.
"Whenever you open your mouth, Claire, I can't help but feel sad we didn't meet sooner."
"I-" Penny began, but a loud crashing from the otherside of the room sent both their heads snapping in Sirius' direction. He was laying in a heap of splintered wood that used to be a table.
Brows furrowing, Remus jumped to his feet to figure out what stupid thing Sirius had done, leaving Penny to shake her head and turn back to her drink, mind drifting back to Snape and wondering idly if he was the type to sneak out, sh fancied the idea arguing with a drunk Snape a little too much, but she knew better than to hope one as anal as him would ever be caught out of bed.
"Is this seat taken?" a deep voice interrupted.
Turning, Penny found a tall, thin man whose skin was so pale, she almost thought it was luminescent, looking down at her. His eyebrows were heavy, but offset by the sharpness of his jaw, which carried a seriousness that startled Penny. Dark hair sticking up in every direction, his dark eyes sent a creeping feeling up Penny's spine, making her burst out in goosebumps.
"N-no," she said, overcome by the nagging feeling that she was forgetting something.
A smile that seemed much too soft for his features rippling across his face, he sat down, accepted a drink from the bartender, and politely pretended to not notice Penny gaping shamelessly at him.
"Morpheus," he said to Penny's unasked question, finally turning to meet her gaze.
"My name," he added when Penny's brows crinkled in confusion. "I haven't seen you here before."
"No, you wouldn't have. Can't say it's a place I frequent," Penny said.
"That surprises me," he said, taking a sip of his drink.
"What makes you say that?"
"Because it consumes your dreams"
"Pardon?" Penny said, becoming more confused by the second.
"Do you disagree?"
"With what?"
"That this is everything you desire?"
"How would you know that. . ."
"I know many things about you, Penny. I don't give my sigil to just anyone."
Instinctively, Penny looked down at her arm, and there it was, burning brightly like that cursed day when Grindelwald had taken her prisoner in her own mind and told her a story about what he'd called the Endless. It was the very same sigil he'd told her was a symbol of her usefulness to him, her connection to something far greater than herself. Carved into the flesh of her left forearm was that helm, the one she had not been able to make appear outside of the Paths.
"Who are you?" Penny said, barely audible now as she traced its outline as though hoping to discern something. But it was not like her dark mark, which felt more like an intruder. This, it was as though it were embedded in the deepest parts of herself.
"As I said, you may call me Morepheus, but others know me as Dream."
"The same Dream Grindewald cursed me with his powers to get the attention of?" Penny blurted out, eyes snapping back to his face, even more alarmed now.
"I was surprised," Morpheus said, pausing to reach for where Penny knew that strand of white hair was hidden beneath her enchantment to hide or appearance, "that he would go to such lengths to gain an audience. You can tell him that should he fulfill his end of the proposal, I will consider it. But he should be warned, if your dreams become any darker than they are of late, I will not have the power to keep my brother at bay."
"Brother? Am I supposed to know who he is?"
"I would think so, seeing as it is he who haunts your steps."
Another ripple of goosebumps. Morpheus pulled his hand away, his deep-set eyes finding hers again and almost looking on her with pity.
"Death? He's real?"
"And every bit as vindictive as you can imagine. In all our millennia, I have never seen him pursue something as he does you."
"How do I know you're not him?" Penny said, suddenly on her feet. His words, they'd pushed her too far, Penny remembering Snape's eternal warnings about being too trusting.
"When you share your dreams with someone, Penny, you never really forget them. It just takes a while for your memories to return."
"So we have met before?" Penny said more as an assurance to herself. The inkling that she was forgetting something important had only grown stronger over the course of their interaction, and even though she was still perturbed, she knew, somewhere deep down inside her, this was not the monster chasing her in the dark. He was someone else, someone she knew, but she could not remember from where. "But why are you here?" Penny went on.
"To remind you of who you are, lest your dreams become consumed with that darkness you harbor inside of you."
"And how exactly do you intend to do that?" Penny scoffed. The serious manner and tortured look on his face mixed with the absurdity of statements, they made Penny feel like she wanted to laugh, but there was something eerily unearthly about this man. He spoke with a depth that felt impossible for his appearance, and when he looked at her, she felt his eyes would suck her into the very depths of time.
She didn't belong here, this she knew being from the present, but he, Morpheus, it was not only that he didn't belong, he was something entirely different, she felt it through the magic coursing in her veins, in the way her legs shook beneath her.
"By giving you a task."
"And if I do not want it?If I don'twant any of it, your sigil included?" Penny said, trying to feign more confidence than she felt, half wondering if he would strike her down any moment and cast her into the depths of hell.
"You are not the one I made the bargain with, so you cannot break it. Evenstill, at a time such as this, I could not allow it, even if I wish to see you suffer less and your dreams return to what they once were."
He was on his feet now as well, standing much taller than Penny. He looked down on her, and she felt a thousand years of sorrow spill from the depths of something within him.
"What do my dreams have to do with any of this?"
Reaching in the pocket of his trench coat, he pulled out a small bag, which he opened gently, and stepping forward before she could move away, he wrapped his arm around her as though he intended to hug her. Pulling her close, he whispered, "It is your dreams that keep my Kingdom standing, and for that, I owe you everything, will do whatever it takes to free you from your nightmares, but to do so you must dream, so sleep now and do not be in such a rush to wake from them," he rasped, the coolness of his hard skin almost burning Penny.
She wanted to protest, break free of his grasp, but he did not even need to force her to keep her there, because she was held captive on his every word; spoken as a whisper on the wind. He pulled away and blew whatever he'd just pulled from his bag into her face making her cough for a moment. Looking one last time into the eyes, the most glorious sensation swirled over her, and then he disappeared along with the world behind him.
The darkness she expected, it never came, and in its place, that warm, vibrant meadow, a voice like a melodious sonnet calling out to her, pulling her away from the edge of her consciousness and into the promise of his embrace.
Having no inclination to resist it, rendered completely helpless to his every wish, she allowed her heart to be overcome by his comfort, by the thing she had been running from for so long—love. And so she did what she had not allowed herself to do in over a year, she dreamed of Cedric.
I realize I messed up the dates in my last chapter because I wanted her to come at the end of her fathers 7th year so she could fulfill something I hinted out a longggg time ago. One person actually worked it out in that chapter and I gotta say, it made me so happy 3
Thanks for sticking with me. May the next chapter come with more ease and less heart ache. I love you all, I couldn't do it without you.