Naruto's head turned.
It was a woman. She was fairly tall, a thin, lithe build hinting at her speed. She had a dark shade of blond hair, though that might have simply been the lighting, that was long, straight, and bound in bandages. Her eyes were dark, while her lips were a bright red.
The headband caught his attention. Kumogakure.
Behind her was a cat. It was massive, almost as large as the Kyuubi, and it appeared to be made entirely of blue fire. Two tails swung around lazily. Nibi.
A polite cough drew his attention to the side. A man, tall, wearing blue robes. His hair was brown, his bangs covering one eye. The other was a pale gold. Behind him was a giant slug, covered in ooze and mucus. Six tails extended from its back. Rokubi.
"Curious." Another voice, and Naruto turned yet again. Another man, easily the tallest of them all, though this one was covered red and grey armour. Something large was attached to his back, jutting out like a hump. Behind him was... a...
Naruto wasn't sure how to describe it. It was an odd mixture between a horse, a dog, and a dolphin. It had five tails, though, and that meant it was the Gobi.
"Yo!" Another voice, loud and boisterous, called out. Its own was a tall man, though not as tall as the one in red. His skin was dark, his hair a pale blond, a blue tattoo on his cheek, and dark glasses covering his eyes. Covering his forehead was a Kumogakure headband.
Behind him was an odd combination of an octopus and a bull. It had no legs, but in their place was eight tentacles, which meant that it was the Hachibi.
"Eh? So many Bijuu..." Yet another voice. A girl, this time, with tanned skin, bright green hair, and orange eyes. She was rather androgynous, wearing clothing that bared her midriff, shoulders, and legs.
Behind her was a... a bug, was the easiest way to describe it. It had six wings, and a very long tail, which supported its body. The Nanabi.
An aggravated grunt drew his attention away. The Ichibi stood alone, with no human in front of it. Naruto's eyes narrowed as he thought of why.
Next to the Ichibi was the Nibi, and on the other side of the Nibi was the Sanbi. Isobu, a giant turtle with only one visible eye. Next to him was a giant ape, with four tails. The Yonbi.
Neither of the latter two had human counterparts.
"And with that, everybody is here." A voice spoke.
Naruto turned to it, and his breath caught in his throat.
The Kyuubi. But not the Kyuubi. It was coloured much more darkly, and had a different feeling to it. It was also standing directly next to the Kyuubi.
"Why are there two of you?" He asked.
"Because fuck you." Kyuubi, the brighter one, his one, answered. "Now shut up and listen, because this is important."
"And the fact that there's two of you isn't?" Naruto asked.
"Shut up, brat!" Kyuubi growled.
"But-"
"You can ask later, alright! Now shut up." The Kyuubi glared down at him. The glare itself didn't bother him -he was used to it-, but the promise of being allowed to question later on mollified him.
"Fine." He looked around again. "So, again, where are we?"
The Kyuubi let out a suffering sigh. "You can recall how we can talk face to face in the seal?"
"Yeah?"
"This is something similar, except instead of being just us, it's with all the Bijuu and their Jinchuuriki."
"Huh. Cool." He looked around, then raised a hand. "Yo! My name's Uzumaki Naruto! Nice to meet ya!" He gave a winning smile while completely ignoring the Kyuubi's 'are-you-fucking-serious' face.
Most of the other Jinchuuriki also stared at him, before the Hachibi's Jinchuuriki grinned. "Kill-er B, host of the Ha-chi-bi!" Loud and proud, the words were said in a rhyme. Behind Killer B, the Hachibi gave a suffering sigh and facepalmed.
"Fu!" The green-haired, orange-eyed girl chirped. "Host of the Nanabi."
"By the Kami, there's two of them." The blond woman muttered something he almost didn't hear. With a sigh, she gave her name. "Yugito Ni. Host of the Nibi."
"Han. Jinchuuriki of the Gobi." The red armoured man spoke. His hat tipped downwards, covering his face.
"Utakata. Jinchuuriki of the Rokubi." And, with that, the last of the Jinchuuriki, the man in blue robes, introduced himself.
"Are you done, now?" His Kyuubi, the lighter Kyuubi, asked.
"There's nothing wrong with having friends, you know." Naruto stated. "Maybe if you'd stop being a big grumpy jackass for a bit, you'd learn that."
"You realize that there's no seal here to stop me from fucking you up, right?" The Kyuubi threatened.
"You know, that might actually make this go faster." Naruto grabbed his chin, considering the idea. "I got all my best friends by punching them in face." His eyes flicked up to Kyuubi. "'Course, you're a little big for a punch. Hmm. Yeah, that makes sense; If I fight you, then you'll be a stubborn jackass, I'll be an even more stubborn jackass, and at the end of the fight, I'll be yelling the words 'Be my friend, motherfucker!' as I slam my Rasengan into your face."
"What you meant to say is that you'll be begging for mercy while I make your death as slow and as painful as I can manage." The Kyuubi leaned in, face pulled back in a snarl. "I think I'll start by peeling off your skin with my claws, one layer at a time, before I move on to slowly roasting you alive and-"
A low snort caused the Kyuubi to stop, his eyes darting to glare at the source.
Son Gokū.
"What are you laughing at, monkey?" The Kyuubi growled.
"I've never seen somebody rouse you up so easily." Son Gokū grinned. "It's quite funny. You deserve it bit of it, Ku-"
"Do not." All of the Bijuu and all but one of the Jinchuuriki suddenly stopped as the full force of the Kyuubi's killing intent flooded the air. "Do not speak that name."
"So, the first syllable of your name is 'Ku', huh?"
The Kyuubi's eyes slowly turned to focus on Naruto. He stared straight back, unwavering, as he clearly had no survival instinct.
"I wonder what the rest of it is?"
"Wonder all you want. You will never find out."
"Can I call you Ku-chan?"
The killing intent doubled. Son Gokū made a choking noise.
"Do you have a deathwish?"
"I have a friendwish." Naruto offered. "It starts with people telling me their name so we can be friends."
"I will not be your friend. I will never be your friend. I would rather rip out my own stomach."
"You can be stubborn all you want, Ku-chan." Naruto stretched. "But you're not as stubborn as me. One day, I will get through to you, and on that day, we will become friends. I made a promise, after all."
"Is this what you've had to deal with this entire time?" The other Kyuubi, the darker one, asked. "I think the Shinigami's stomach may very well have been more pleasant."
"He's not as bad as that woman." The lighter one told his counterpart. "But unlike the Senju's wife, he won't leave me alone. He is bull-headed, stubborn, and he simply does not know when to quit."
"Hmm." Naruto looked at the darker Kyuubi. "I don't think my promise is going to count if I don't befriend you, too-"
"Fuck off immediately." The darker one told him.
"We're going to be great friends." Naruto nodded at him, before looking away. "Yo, Sanbi! What's your name?"
"Eh?" The Sanbi startled at being so suddenly talked to. "Err, Isobu?"
"Isobu." Naruto nodded. "We're friends now, Isobu."
"Uh-" Isobu looked confused.
"No you aren't!" The lighter Kyuubi immediately interjected. "Isobu, you are not his friend!"
"Oi, that's not for you to decide." Naruto frowned at the Kyuubi.
"Uh..."
"Grow a fucking spine and deny him, Isobu!" The Kyuubi roared.
"Don't bully my friend, you fuzzy jackass!"
"You're not his friend! You can't just go ahead and claim his as your friend simply because he gave you his name!"
"It's not just because of that!" Naruto shouted. "We have a mutual friend, so obviously, we should also be friends!"
"Mutual?" The darker Kyuubi asked.
"He's talking about me."