"You know what? Percy comes to visit me all the time" "Once" "Operation give Nico a hug also counts because it was my idea. Also, he dried our school" "Fine, he visited you thrice, so?" "Well, I was thinking I could visit him instead. After the nightmare and the flashback, I think I kind of need some comfort person time" "Sure, why not?" I got everything I needed. Now I just had to get one of the most uncooperative beings on the planet to cooperate; a cat. "Small Damasen" I called out. Nothing happened. "Let me try. Lil dam, are you there?" "That's not even his name" Small Damasen materialized out of the shadows. "Dam it. Why doesn't he know his real name" "He's a cat. He does what he wants" "Fine. Hey lil dam, could you take me to Percy's dorm room please? I'll see you later or maybe tomorrow morning" Shadows formed around me and I disappeared.
Percy
I was sitting in my room, doing my homework when someone tapped on my right shoulder. Knowing this trick way too well, I looked to the left. No one was there. I looked to the right. Nothing. I turned around. The room was empty. Unless… I got up and spread out my arms to cover more area, which was followed by me getting a hug. A second later, I had a Yankees cap in my hand and a girlfriend in my arms. "Why do you feel the need to do this?" "I missed you too seaweed brain" "Why are you visiting?" "Oh, I just thought you visited me for operation give Nico a hug, to dry the school and at the lake, so I decided to pay the favor back" "But when I visiting you, you really needed me" "Which makes what you did even more valuable and therefore even more worth paying back" "I'm not sure if I can follow that logic or not" "You don't need to because I am already here" "Yeah, that's always a plus" "You stole my line" "You stole my prophecy relevance and used it to go on a quest" "Fair point. You win"
"So, anything you want to talk about?" I asked. Due to Annabeth's ADHD and the fact that she was almost 100% authentic around me, this question often led to her saying the most random schist. "Prophecies are a very strange type of foreshadowing. They are blatantly obvious while also being frustratingly vague." Like I said, random schist. "And usually, the parts you're most sure about are the parts that are wrong." "Are you referring to 'one shall be lost in the land without rain' or 'a single choice shall end his days'?" "The latter." "And now you're gonna trauma dump about how misunderstanding that line affected you" "You know me too well, seaweed brain" "I know. So, you wanted to talk about trauma?" "More like the very indirect effects of it. So, remember what I told you about falling in love with you and then trusting you less because you might use my love for you against me, and the other reasons for me not trusting you?" "Sure, it wasn't that long ago" "Well, there was another reason at some point. I stayed away from you because I was afraid that someone else, like the fates for example, would use my love for you against me" "Because you thought I'd, you know…" I made a decapitation gesture with my hand. "Pretty much. Essentially, the prophecy very clearly, at least to me, stated that you wouldn't make it past 16." "All I knew was that something big would happen once I turned 16. That's why my birthdays leading up to that were kind of nerve wrecking" "To me, they were essentially your future death day. The death day of my (hopefully) future boyfriend. I could barely deal with that knowledge on that day," "So that's why you didn't show up to my birthday" "Exactly. There was no way I'd be able to spend time with you." "Valid. Okay, what about 'Come back alive, seaweed brain'?" "Basically the extreme of what I previously explained. I thought you only had like a day to live, and as much as I wanted to date you, I didn't want to be widowed one day in" "I didn't want that for you either" "Also, the last time I had kissed you, you had supposedly died and then had interactions with girls that I don't want to unpack right now, so when I said 'come back alive' I meant it as 'In the extreme off chance that you survive'" "So if I had died, you would have just moved on?" "Moved on? No! I would have been devastated. Crying in the corner and drinking blue milk with your parents. I just would have been slightly less devastated than what would have happened if we had been a couple. When you went missing, I at least had a small hope, which was confirmed by the cow saving trio-" "The what now?" "The cow saving trio" "No comment" "confirmed by the cow saving trio after six days, that you were alive." I didn't know if it came from all this talking about my death/disappearance (but what else would it come from?) ,but I noticed that Annabeth was most definitely not feeling good. "Hug?" I asked. "Yeah" I executed my suggestion.
"Without that confirmation, if I had actually considered you dead, well, you know the stories from when you were on Ogygia. Multiply that by ten. No, twenty. Back then was the value for when we hadn't been dating. With an actual relationship, it would have been even worse" "I think I got it. You just wouldn't be able to get over me" "Pretty much." "Good. Well, everything else would have been a surprise, especially when considering how you reacted when you thought I had-" "Trauma?" "Yeah" "Then shut up" "Okay." "Okay now I want to know" "Remember the flashback you had on Saturday?" "The one at the lake?" "Yup, that one. That would be the trauma I talked about" "I can confirm that I had a significant reaction to that." "Then I guess we've re-established my importance to you. Good to know." "Hey, having abandonment issues that lead to me questioning how much people care about me and needing constant confirmation that they do is my job." "Alright wise girl." No matter how much time I spend with Annabeth, I don't think I'll ever stop being intimidated by the way she looks at me when she, well, wants to intimidate me. The way she looks at me without any facial expression is almost psychological warfare (Annabeth's battle vocabulary was rubbing off onto me).
"I said yes, now stop please" "Why would I? I like this" Annabeth really enjoyed a bit of power playing. She was way too good at it. "The way you're seeking power is also something we could talk about. Just a thought" "I'm not seeking power, I obviously already have it, but otherwise, sure. So you wanna talk about power. How about this: you are manipulative." I was shocked at the sudden accusation, but tried to remain calm. "Why is that?" "Well, on Tuesday you allowed me to get into a dangerous situation and then helped me. You tricked me into appreciating your help more and feeling loved" "Is that really manipulation?" "I mean, you specifically chose the nature and timing of your actions to influence my emotions in a specific way." "But not in a bad way" "I never said it was bad. I just made you aware of an objective observation" "Well, it sounded like an accusation and those are usually bad. Also, you're not better" "How?" She didn't sound genuinely surprised, like a guilty suspect being presented with evidence. "Well, I feel like you're always influencing me into liking you more and wanting to date you. I mean, it doesn't work because you can't convince of something that I already want, but you're still doing it." "I guess the reason for that is the same as the one for me looking at you the way I just did; a feeling of safety" "How so?" "As you might know, people tend to not care about me. As a result of that, decisions made by anyone other than me tend to not take my well-being into account. For that reason, I just feel better when I'm in control." "So you manipulate me" "Yes. I guess that's kind of a not right thing to do" "Don't worry, it's fine. I already like you, so why wouldn't I want you to make me want you more?" "So I can keep manipulating you?" "If it stays limited to what we just discussed, I don't have any problem with it" "I guess the same goes for you manipulating me" "Did we just consent to us manipulating each other?" "Yeah. It's probably the trauma. You know, feeling less entitled to being treated ideally…" "Are you saying our relationship isn't ideal?" "Of course it is. The way we treat each other might not be ideal by generalized societal standards, but who cares about those? We're essentially manipulating each other into having a stronger relationship. That's a good thing." "You know, most people would probably go by the generalized standards and declare it bad, but you actually think about it for a bit before coming to a conclusion. I really like that about you" "Aw, Tysm. But is there anything about me that you don't like?" "Well, there certainly isn't a lot of things. Let's see… I mean, your trauma sometimes causes some mild inconveniences, but the need for cuddles that comes with it more than makes up for that. I guess the fact that you're apothi was annoying at first, and so were the lectures about different types of attraction, but I've learned to respect that and now I know way more about the spectrum than most people do. I think to most people, asexuality is just the thing that presents us from partaking in activities that our parents wouldn't approve of. And figuring out your demisexuality was also fun, even though I didn't really get to take part in most of the figuring out. You just kind of dropped that knowledge suddenly." "I can probably tell you why. It was a combination of falling back into the old thinking pattern of 'If I tell people about this, they'll think I'm weird and abandon me' (In retrospect, what I then consider to be weird is actually a micro dose of what is considered normal) and figuring it out relatively quickly, too quickly to tell others about it" "It took you a month to even tell me about not being demi." "Well, that isn't related to me figuring out mysexuality, so it doesn't count towards the time it took me" "Another thing I don't like about you: you are too good at arguing, so I always lose" "That's not really an insult" "You didn't ask for insults, you asked for things I don't like about you." "How is that different?" "One is objectively bad or insufficient qualities, the other one is qualities that mean a disadvantage for me specifically." "Who cares?" "I care" Without noticing, I had gotten quite loud while arguing. Almost as loud as… Suddenly, Annabeth's knife was an almost worryingly short distance from my face. Close enough to do some serious damage if she wanted to, but still far enough to not hurt me on accident. I know this probably sounds like a big deal, but Annabeth does that all the time with me. I don't really care.
Annabeth
"Want to fight about it?" I asked "How about no violence. I don't like violence" I quickly put my knife away. I knew what had happened, but time for explanations was later. First, I had to make sure Percy wouldn't have a flashback. By now, I knew his flashback symptoms pretty well and everything seemed to be in order. I sat down on Percy's bed and motioned for him to come to me. At first he seemed hesitant, but "Really, it's fine" fixed that. Like I said, I knew what had happened. Percy had mistaken our friendly fight as domestic violence or at least something similar enough to remind him of that trauma. But first, I had to confirm that theory. "Hey Percy, did I trigger you?" "Yes. What if I hurt you" "You won't. I trust you. I trust you so much that I'll even let you hug me." I opened my arms for Percy. When he didn't come to me, I came to him instead. This was, by the way, not a violation of his boundaries but rather me disregarding his attempt at not violating what he wrongfully thought were my boundaries. In short, he didn't not want me here, he just thought I wouldn't want him here. Why he still thought this after I had offered him a hug is a rather interesting question, but I understood it. Being re-exposed to trauma could mess with your logic a bit. Percy currently saw himself fulfilling the role of smelly Gabe, being mean to his girlfriend/wife, and therefore, I was the victim and had the corresponding mindset. "Annabeth?" He carefully asked. "Yeah" "It's okay if you hate me now" "I don't" "But I promise I'll try to get better. I won't hurt you anymore" "You didn't hurt me in the first place" "But I was so mean to you" "You weren't. You just got a bit annoyed. You got a bit loud. I can understand that and I don't mind it." "I'll be nice to you. You're safe here now" Now he joined the hug properly. I let it happen. It apparently helped him recover from the accidental abuser mindset and even without considering the trauma component, it was still really cute how much he cared about me. I thought about the first time this had happened, during the Star Wars challenge. I had annoyed Percy with a constant stream of complaints about the "logic" of Star Wars, to the point where Percy had gotten so angry with me that he had triggered himself. "Any plans you got for today?" I asked Percy. "Apart from cuddles with you and protecting you?" "To be honest, we don't really need any other plans" "Yay, cuddles" "Hey, I'm the one with the child alters." Yay, cuddles. That was Annie. Can I come out? / I think Percy needs my help right now, sorry. / It's okay. I'll just be co-con. I could feel Annie coming closer to front, and with her came the emotions.
Allow me to elaborate. If not, I don't really give a schist. So, I was hugging Percy. Percy was my boyfriend and, perhaps more importantly, a sort of comfort person. This made the time with him more valuable in terms of dopamine. Also, the fact that Percy was spending time with me in this way reinforced the idea of him being loyal to me, especially considering the circumstance of him wanting to protect me, making this effect even stronger. That reinforced the idea of Percy being a comfort person. Also, this hug was a direct result of trauma and I was helping him with it. This made me feel closer to him, which I also liked. Lastly, the way Percy had just said 'yay, cuddles' was cute as Hades and cute is always a good thing. All in all, I was feeling very complex emotions, but they were no match for the wave of I like cuddles that came washing over me from Annie. If I'm being honest, one of the best things about littles were their really intense emotions. I hadn't felt such an extreme level of raw happiness in a long time. I felt like we probably could have stayed like this for hours, but after just twenty minutes, nature had other plans. Put less eloquently, I had to leave Percy to go to the toilet.