When we sat down at the table, Annabeth whispered "I think you can take the cap off now" I decided that she was probably right. The mist was doing great work and almost no one looked at us. Annabeth and Piper were stealing each other's breakfast (as always) and I also got part of it. (Being invisible, I hadn't been able to get myself anything) "I think I could eat here every day. Of course nothing here comes close to my mom's cooking, but rich-and smart-school food is still significantly better than no-one-else-will-take-you-school food" "I've been there and I can confirm that the food in your school tastes horrible. I wasn't present for dinner, but if I wasn't so anxious about not skipping meals, I might have skipped breakfast there" "Come on, it's not that bad. Hey, is it possible that 'I only did it because of X trauma' is kind of a standard sentence?" "Could you leave the calling me out to more private spaces? But yes, you might be onto something there" When we were finished, I turned invisible again and we left the cafeteria. Once outside, I took the cap off again and gave it to Annabeth.
"Want to continue showing me the school?" I asked.
Annabeth
Continue? Had I ever started? Percy must have noticed my confused expression. "Oh, Annie started showing me but she hadn't seen that much, so there's probably a lot more for you to show me. Maybe you can get into the details of the architecture if you want" "I'll show you" I said excitedly. "Let's go" "There's just one more thing I need to tell you" What was Percy talking about. Was he fed up with me and would now leave? Had he been working for the enemy behind my back? What could this possibly be about? "Sorry, I didn't mean to worry you" Percy said. "It's just that…" "You're not making it better" "Have I ever told you how cute you are" A wave of relief washed over me. I punched him against his arm. Not very hard, but he definitely felt it. "And you couldn't have said that in a less stress inducing way?" "Maybe I could have. Do you forgive me?" I turned away from him, but only by ninety degrees. Percy took that as an invitation to give me a kiss on the cheek. Him understanding it like that had partially been my intention, so I obviously didn't mind. "I forgive you now" "Good. So, have I ever told you how cute you are?" The wave of relief crashed against the wall of my metaphorical mind pool (I guess that means it crashed against my skull) transformed into… some other positive emotion and rolled back. "I mean, you implied it, but hearing it out loud… I'm pretty sure I like it. Sure, there are some negative aspects associated with being cute, such as a child's incompetence, but I personally don't believe in adult supremacy so I don't really see infantilizing statements as insulting, just like I wouldn't be insulted by something like 'You hit like a girl'. Have I been talking for too long?" "You can never analyze your own emotions for too long because it's part of healing and stuff" "Good. So yeah, I have no problem with being cute. Why would I? If you called me hot for example, that would imply some things that I might not like, but I'm always dtc" "Dtc?" "Down to cuddle" "Can't you do something less cute" Piper complained. "No" Percy and I said in perfect sync. "But if you want, you can stay here while I show Percy the school" "Won't that trigger your abandonment issues?" "It's not that bad. Also, I'll be the one who's leaving, so it won't affect me. I know it doesn't make any real difference, but this isn't about what is real. It's about what does and does not trigger me" "And that makes that distinction very valid" "You know, you don't actually have to tell me that everything I say is valid" "I thought you'd like that" "You're not completely off" "I thought so" "You know me too well" "Stop being so gods dam cute and just show Percy the school" "Fine"
I left Piper alone and immediately, my brain switched into tour guide mode, except the tour group consisted of one person and that person was my boyfriend so I didn't really have to watch what I was saying (and how much I was saying it) "So, I'm assuming you've only seen the cafeteria, our room and the basement?" "That is correct" "Then I have a lot to show you. And you know what's really cool?" "No" "I can talk as much as I want. You love me too much to care. Right?" I'll admit it, having confidence in relationships wasn't exactly a strength of mine. And when my hubris allows me to say that something is not my strength, it probably means I'm absolutely horrible at that thing. "I do love you that much, don't worry" "Is this annoying?" "Is what annoying?" "Me constantly questioning your loyalty to me" "Maybe a bit. I don't really see why you'd question the thing that's literally my fatal flaw, but maybe that's just what years of abandonment issues do to you, so I don't blame you. Also, every time I tell you not to worry, it makes you happy and why would I waste an opportunity to do that?" "Then the tour can start I guess" I led him down the hallway a few meters. "See this hole in the wall? The bricks here belong to the oldest part of the school, built over a century ago" "Why is there a hole in the wall?" "Legend has it that two friends wanted to see who could push an OHP faster" "Legend has it?" "Our world is changing so quickly that events can become legends in a few years. Even I appear in a legend" "What legend do you appear in?" "The founding legend of the homeless community we met a few weeks ago" "I forgot about that" "That's quite evident" "So, some idiots with an OHP crashed into the wall and exposed old bricks. Fascinating stuff" "I know, right?" "That was sarcasm, but I love to see you talk about something you love so keep going"
"Okay, back then, they only built this part of the school. A few classrooms, a few dorm rooms and a cafeteria…" Annabeth spent a little over two hours explaining the history and architecture of the school. And let me tell you something. It was boring as schist, but I didn't interrupt her. A specific part if her voice said 'Talking about this makes me happy' and I just clung to that and ignored everything else. She ended with "But the school doesn't have that much history anyways" "Not much history?" "I mean, if you compare it to some European or Asian institutions, it's barely anything. Like, there's this hotel in Japan that's over 13 centuries old. Oxford is older than the Aztecs. But this area simply didn't have any inhabitants until some 350 years ago. Unless you count Indians, but they don't count" "Don't let Piper hear that" "Modern European culture is seamlessly built upon ancient European culture. Modern American culture was created with little to no consideration to Indian culture, so millennia of being here don't contribute to there being old things That's why Indians don't count in this specific context" "And why are you calling them Indians. Shouldn't you say native American?" "Who told you that?" "I don't know, probably my-" "Was it a white person?" "Probably. You're right, maybe not the best source when it comes to these kinds of issues. Who's your source?" "Piper" "Makes sense I guess" "Some white person decided that saying Indian is bad, but most Indians are fine with the term. Actually, they prefer it" "If you say so wise girl" "I say so" "But wasn't Indian also made up by a white person? What did they call themselves?" "There is no such term. The area that would become the US is just way too big. A tribe living where New York is now simply would not have known that a tribe in what is now California even existed. Probably, they wouldn't even know about one in what is now north Carolina. The very concept that there were people living in the entire area that is now the US and that they were one people was created by settlers. The Indians don't have a word for themselves, because to them, such a thing as the Indians never existed. But if you doubt that, just ask Piper" "Oh, I believe you. That usually leads to me not dying" "Usually?" "Does the death mist count?" "I have no idea. I don't even remember that, but I do recall that the whole Tartarus thing was caused by an instance of you not listening to my instructions" "Your instructions were 'leave me to die'" "And if you had followed that instruction, whatever the death mist did would not have happened" "Well, your instruction sucked. I wasn't going to let you die down there" "It's just-" "And…" "And I love you for that" "Correct answer" "It's just… I'm seeing everyday how much it hurt you and…" Annabeth was good at a lot of things, but noticing when a conversation was triggering her emotionally really wasn't one of them.
"Hey. What was that you said about being dtc?" Annabeth just gave me a weak smile, paired with a small nod. I put out my arms and, after Annabeth had walked in between them, closed them around her. "That place… it hurt you. Your life would be so much easier now if you had just let go" "Annabeth, don't you realize how bad this is making you feel?" "I'm immune to bad feelings, I have a shield of cuddles" "Then I'll allow you to continue" "Since when do you decide what I'm talking about?" "It's less of an order, or, in this case, lack thereof, and more so a suggestion made for your benefit" "Okay then. Just imagine for a second you'd let me go. You'd have avoided so much trauma" "None of it gets close to losing my wise girl" Instead of a response, Annabeth hugged me even tighter. "Really?" "Remember what you were like in the weeks before my funeral. Now double the bonding time. What you get is so much worse than what I'm currently going through because I fell with you" "Right. Those two weeks were…" "Annabeth, one triggering topic at a time" "Sorry. I can imagine knowing me dead would really suck for your mental well-being" "In addition to that, we closed the doors of death, which prevented monsters from reforming quickly, which prevented so many fights and therefore so much trauma. Not just for us, but for all demigods" "That could have been done by an organized team" "It could have. But you were already there. From the moment on where you started to be dragged in, us going together was the best course of action"
"It should never have come to that point and it is my fault that it did" "How is it your fault? Because you failed to recognize the danger coming from a little piece of spider webs?" "If you phrase it like this, it does sound like I'm innocent" "Because you are. Nothing is your fault here. I mean, is anything really our fault. Like, 'A one way trip, a very hard fall' foretold what would happen. It was always going to happen" "Enough" "Enough what?" "You demonstrated why I'm not at fault. Now you're showing me that I'm not in control, which is a feeling I hate" "I'm sorry. You know, we do still have some power. Prophecies can be interpreted in multiple ways and we get to pick one" "Usually, all interpretations lead to someone dying" "That is also true" "I mean, it's great that you're still alive, but…" "There's one thing I could say that would be fitting here, but it'll also be very triggering, so I won't say it" "I'm already a bit triggered in regard to that specific event, so say it. Go ahead" "Family Luke, you promised" I felt a shiver go through Annabeth's entire body. "That was… worse than expected. I really don't feel like having that flashback for the third time this week, so I should better ground myself" I kissed Annabeth. "Does this work?" "That… worked" Annabeth said, sounding slightly overwhelmed As if she'd read my mind, she said "Positively overwhelmed" "So you don't mind me kissing you" "Why would I?" "I don't know, things are different when you're triggered" "Well, I wasn't triggered by a trauma that relates to being kissed, so it's not problematic" "Good. Your expression made me a bit worried that maybe I had overstepped some boundary"
"If anything I'm the one potentially overstepping. Remember yesterday when you didn't want to hug me but I did anyways?" "That's fine. I was just hesitant because I was worried you might not want me near you after what I had done" "What you had done? Percy, you talked to me in a slightly raised voice. That's literally it" "That's how it always starts" "It's not. Percy, Gabe has hurt you in so many ways, but letting him prevent you from enjoying this relationship is something I will fight to the best of my abilities. You are not abusive" "Are you sure?" "Absolutely. Your perception of abuse is just a bit skewed" Percy laughed. "I think our entire lives are a bit skewed" "Oh, absolutely. Whatever that means" "You know, there's people who say that dating is for people who got their life together. What's your opinion?" "That's like saying fat people can't go to the gym. Looking at me for example, and I hate to admit being dependent, I could, in my current state, not be without a relationship. You make every day worth living. And when I feel like schist, you're always working so dam hard on making me fe… okay, I get the point now. I'm kind of a lot" "Oh, absolutely" "And I know I'm not easy to love" "Minotaur schist. Falling in love with you was the best thing that has happened to me in my entire life. And sure, it's true that I work hard to make you happy, but wouldn't you say that the achievements you made through hard work are the best" "You could be onto something there" "See, you're not hard to love" "But I get jealous easily" "That hasn't happened in quite a while. Nowadays the girls are making me jealous" "Piper isn't a big fan of rules. Especially not if the rules pertain to heterosexuality" "You used Piper and hetero in the same sentence" "I also used the word not, so it doesn't count" "Good point" "So, back to me being hard to love" "Annabeth, when I addressed this topic I didn't intend to make you more insecure. The goal was to have you confirm that we can be together despite having serious issues. But now that I think about it, I'm also not easy to love. I'm always insecure about treating you right, but at the same time I'm often doing the wrong things"
So, I kind of got behind schedule without noticing and also forgot to hit publish once, so here's three chapters at once. (If you're reading this at a later date, this is the third one)