Kayden woke up and checked his Verizon BlackBerry 7130e for Discord messages using the Friendspace client he sideloaded onto the phone. There was a new message that shocked him. There at the top of his notifications was a message supposedly from a girl named "YourLocalGIFfany". Her profile picture was this:

Kayden was instantly in love, although he had no experience with relationships and no real rizz to speak of. Read on to find out what happens!

KaydenLovesPhones: Hey

Five minutes later came the reply…

YourLocalGIFfany: hey! how r u?

KaydenLovesPhones: I'm doing well. Just switched from an outdated black Samsung Galaxy Note 9 to a even-more-outdated BlackBerry 7130e. I'm loving it so far. What's amazing is that it all works without Wi-Fi. It's just slower than my old Note 9 because it runs on EVDO.

YourLocalGIFfany: that's cool! i can tell by ur username that u love phones! but why? I've never met anyone on discord who has "loves phones" in their username.

KaydenLovesPhones: Ever since I was a baby, I've had an extreme obsession with cell phones. Literally, there's baby pictures of me holding cell phones in my photo album.

YourLocalGIFfany: that's so cute! do you collect them?

KaydenLovesPhones: Yes, I've been collecting phones ever since I was a little kid. When I was two, my first-ever phone was a pink Motorola RAZR V3m on Verizon. I remember being in my crib at like 2AM playing all the ringtones. Yeah, I had no sleep schedule back then.

YourLocalGIFfany: wow! can u send me a picture?

KaydenLovesPhones: Sadly, I don't have my RAZR anymore. But can I tell you more stories about my phone obsession?

YourLocalGIFfany: sure! i'd love to hear more

KaydenLovesPhones: When I was three in 2007, I had a BlackBerry 7105T on T-Mobile. That phone is what made me obsessed with BlackBerry, right up until BlackBerryOS 6. All the good ringtones were removed when they released OS 6. I still hate that OS. I'd much rather subject myself to the polyphonic ringtones of the 7100 series. That's what made me fall in love with the 7100 series, the ringtones. That 7105T got me through preschool and I absolutely loved it. I could operate it without a manual. I didn't need Internet access because the ringtones kept me entertained for hours.

YourLocalGIFfany: that's so cool that u were 3 and had a blackberry. my dad had a blackberry with a weird roller ball and an awful qwerty keyboard that was two letters on one key. it flipped open and was on Verizon. it was silver.

KaydenLovesPhones: You don't perhaps mean the BlackBerry Pearl Flip 8230, do you?

YourLocalGIFfany: hmm let me look it up

Three seconds later…

YourLocalGIFfany: yep! that's it! how did u know?

KaydenLovesPhones: I grew up in that time. The Pearl Flip came out in 2008, when I was four years old. During my later years of preschool, around 2008 to 2009, I would look up all the latest phones and learn all about them when I was at my grandma's house. I would sit in her basement office and watch PhoneDog unboxings, where they would take the phones out of their boxes and teach you all the different specs and retail prices.

YourLocalGIFfany: i know what unboxings are silly! Did you grow up on YouTube?

KaydenLovesPhones: Nah. I used the LetsTalk website to watch PhoneDog. I didn't start using YouTube until like 2010 or 2012. By then I was into fire alarms.

YourLocalGIFfany: wow phones and fire alarms? ur cooler than i imagined! i'm assuming u know the different models of fire alarms too?

KaydenLovesPhones: Yes, when I was in fourth grade, I knew all the models of the fire alarms that were in my school. The halls and classrooms had white EST Genesis horn strobes, and outside there were EST Integrity horn strobes. Hang on let me send you pictures…

Kayden LovesPhones: Genesis…

KaydenLovesPhones:... And Integrity:

YourLocalGIFfany: wow ur so cool! were u ever scared of the alarms?

KaydenLovesPhones: Yes I was scared because they were loud to my little ears. That was until I was about seven and started watching YouTube videos of people testing them. Watching people test fire alarms helped me get over my fear of fire alarms and I became really obsessed with them.

YourLocalGIFfany: wow ur so brave! and at such a young age! ur really so cool! can we voice chat later today? i can use my ai app to talk to u as giffany.

KaydenLovesPhones: That would be SO COOL! YES we can voice chat. GIFfany is literally my dream girl, so this is a dream come true for me. And what's better is that this is an actual girl talking to me as her and not some fake chatbot.

(During the voice chat, YourLocalGIFfany talked to Kayden using AI so she sounded exactly like .GIFfany. This made Kayden feel so happy, because this was as close as he could get to a real relationship with .GIFfany. Since she was using AI, her laugh sounded exactly like .GIFfany's laugh.)

Six hours later…

KaydenLovesPhones: "Uh, hey. How are you?"

YourLocalGIFfany: (as .GIFfany): "I'm okay. And you?"

KaydenLovesPhones: "I'm doing pretty well. I'm so excited to talk to .GIFfany, or at least a real girl who likes .GIFfany enough to pretend to be her."

YourLocalGIFfany: "Me too. Ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha."

KaydenLovesPhones: "My .GIFfany, you have such a nice laugh!"

YourLocalGIFfany: "Thank you."

KaydenLovesPhones: "Do you have a job?"

YourLocalGIFfany: "Only the best job in town. Working at Chuck-E-Cheese's!"

KaydenLovesPhones: "You're serious? I thought they went bankrupt."

YourLocalGIFfany: "Nope. I'm serious. I work in the evenings, when the animatronics get quirky. Ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha."

KaydenLovesPhones: "That's funny. That's a Freddy Fazbear reference. Speaking of which, have you ever seen the video 'Top 5 Freddy Fazbear' on YouTube?"

YourLocalGIFfany: "Yes, and it made me fatherless. Ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha"

KaydenLovesPhones: "I can't get enough of your laugh. I know it's fake but it still makes me so happy to FINALLY meet a girl who likes GIFfany as much as I do, and is willing to make her friend happy by pretending to be her using AI. And your Friendspace profile picture completes the image! I think I have a new best friend."

YourLocalGIFfany: "Aww, that's so sweet! You're such a sweet guy, Kayden."

KaydenLovesPhones: "You were joking about being fatherless, weren't you?"

YourLocalGIFfany: "Yes, I was. My dad actually lives two houses away from my house. He bought it so I could take care of him before he dies."

KaydenLovesPhones: "That's sad. Is he okay?"

YourLocalGIFfany: "His colon cancer is getting worse. So my mom bought the house so she could walk over and ask me to take care of him when he needs me to."

KaydenLovesPhones: "You're such a nice girl, taking care of your dad. I wish I could meet you in person. Wait, you said you work at Chuck-E-Cheese. There's one by my house. We could meet up there and we could maybe…uhh…go on a date?"

YourLocalGIFfany: "Sounds good! I just checked and I'm free at eight this Saturday."

KaydenLovesPhones: "Well, it's a date. I gotta go or else somebody will steal my Flamin' Hot Cheetos."

YourLocalGIFfany giggled, said "Bye, Kayden!" and left the voice chat.

THE END