Sealed With a Gift
The thing about Inej, Kaz had discovered, was that she evoked feelings he wasn't sure how to deal with. Feelings he hadn't felt before meeting her. There were moments when it was as though she could look into his soul. At least on days he wasn't denying he even had a soul.
Her laugh broke the dreary silence, how he wished that he was the one who made her laugh. And yet he never got tired of hearing the sound. And her smile lit up every room she entered.
Irony was a strange thing. She was the only one he wanted to smile at. But the smiles he received from her were usually sad ones. Pitying ones.
"Why the frown Kaz?" Of course he had known the second she had entered the room. The air in the room seemed to electrify when she was in it. He purposely left the window to his room open for her.
He thought of giving her a glib answer but instead decided on the truth. "I missed you." He missed her when she left the room, let alone when she was out at sea. Opening a drawer, he pulled out a box and handed it to her.
"What's this?" It's not my birthday." She seemed enchanted by the wooden box which he had craved six crows into.
"It's an anniversary of sorts." He felt foolish that it even meant something to him. However he would shower her with gifts and not need a reason if it made her smile. "Open it."
Opening the box she gasped at the six wooden handle knives inside. Each handle was craved with something symbolising the saints she prayed to. "They're beautiful. What anniversary?"
"Of the day we met." He was embarrassed at his being so sentimental. Normally he was a man clever with his words, but around Inej he was often flustered and clumsy with voicing his feelings for her. Hiding complements with comments such as 'I only invest in one of a kind.'
Inej lovingly caressed the knives. "I didn't get you anything." Then she smiled at him. A genuine full blown smile.
"You've given me everything." He felt warm basking in the light of her smile. "The handles will make the knives heavier to work with. You've always learned quickly though." He was relieved she liked the gift. He had gone through a number of versions, carving them, throwing them aside and starting anew.
"They're beautiful." She tested the weight of one in her hand. They were heavier, but that could work in her favour. Somehow they made her feel safe. After all, she still had her other knives as well. Looking up she found Kaz watching her. Those beautiful blue eyes reading her like a favourite book. "Thank you."
Kaz managed a small smile. He wasn't used to being thanked for something he wasn't being paid to do. He owed her a new set of knives but also he wanted to do something just for her. To show her how much he cared without having to make a huge declaration of love. After all he wasn't great at declarations. Large or small. "When do you next set sail?"
"In a couple of days." She had noticed the small changes in him. He was still ruthless but not so much with her. Around others he kept up the act, but with her, he was gentle and at times she could see the boy he had been before life had dealt him a cruel hand. "Will you see me off at the docks?"
"That wouldn't be a good idea." There was no way he would be able to hide how it hurt for her to leave again. Ketterdam wasn't the place for Inej. She couldn't bloom in this darkness and he couldn't survive out of it.
"Why not?" She reached across for his hand without thinking. Kaz had taken his gloves off and hadn't put them back on. It was only when he jumped at her touch that she realised what she had done. "Sorry." She moved to pull her hand back, but he held on.
"Don't. I can do this." He could do this for her. "I want to do this." If he couldn't go down to the docks to see her off, he needed to be able to say good bye to her in private. Away from the prying eyes of those who would use his feelings for Inej against them both.
"If this makes you uncomfortable, don't." As badly as she wanted this, she was also nervous and when Kaz felt he was being forced, it never went well. Then she realised, the entire time they had been talking, he had been holding her hand with only the slightest tremor.
"I'm trying to remove my armour for you Inej." He wouldn't even bother trying to anyone else. "It just might take me some time."
"This is a good start." She nodded to their hands still joined; understanding how big a step this was for him as well as for herself. "This is difficult for me too. So we'll take it slow."
It was just as well Jesper wasn't in the room; otherwise he would have been rolling on the floor laughing. If they went any slower, they would come to a grinding halt. But Jesper didn't have the issues that he and Inej had. Slow would work fine for them. "So when will you be back in Ketterdam?"
"When I can. Will you write to me? Not just news of where slave ships have been sighted." She felt him start to pull away and tightened her grip slightly. "I mean I want to hear about you."
"There's never much to tell." Although his heart skipped a little that she wanted to hear about him.
"Write to me about it anyway." She risked giving his hand a gentle squeeze.
"Alright." He raised the hand clasping his and pressed a kiss to it. "Just come back. I know you can't stay in Ketterdam, but I need to know you'll come back even if just to visit."
"I'll always come back Kaz." It was the truth. Her crow family was in Ketterdam. Kaz was in Ketterdam. She would always come back. That she could promise him.