Watching you slip away
Houstwift Cutscenes.
.::.
She thinks she's going crazy.
It's been a few months now since she ended things with Michael.
She went and spent one last night with him and afterwards, she never saw or talked to him again. The next day she went home, erased every trace of him she could find on herself, her clothes, her life.
It sounded drastic but that was the only way she could stick to it and actually end things.
He probably did the same to be honest, at least she told him to.
The next day she went back to her normal life, she focused on her marriage and her family, everything was exactly the way it should be.
If it was though, why does she feel like she's losing her mind?
Why can she still smell him on the clothes she was wearing that night?
Why can't she stop thinking about him?
Why does she miss him?
It's this constant thing in the back of her mind and she's not sure how to deal with it.
It's driving her to distraction, stealing her focus and it's really not the right time for this. Tom just pitched her an idea for a new story they want to possibly explore, she needs her mind to be present in her work and with her family.
Right now she isn't, things are better but she's not present.
This morning she's got an idea that might help, the only thing is it might also just be the worst idea she's ever had.
She needs to see him.
Not actually talk to him or meet with him cause she knows damn well if she does that she won't be able to walk away again.
She just needs to see him, make sure he's doing well and just sit with her feelings for a bit.
Which, what better place to do that than the Theater? That's how she got the idea.
She's going to see Ready Money.
Tonight.
It's his closing week, it's her last chance to go and it would give her a way to be with him without actually being with him. It's perfect.
That's what she tells herself as she buys her ticket online. It makes her chuckle though, buying a ticket to the show she wrote.
.::.
She gave herself one rule.
No matter how she feels or what happens, she is not setting foot backstage.
She'll be discreet, no one will know she's in the building and she's leaving as soon as the performance is done.
The last thing she needs is for him to find out she's here and try to talk to her.
Sitting on her chair, she's looking at her playbill as she waits and there's this picture of him in it. It's a nice picture. She remembers the day of the premiere and laughing with him because he didn't like it, but she actually does.
He looks good on it.
The lights go down a few minutes later and there's this thrill going through her body.
After all these years, she still can't find anything that compares to watching the shows she writes being performed live in front of an audience.
It takes a few scenes for him to show up, yet when he does she's still not ready.
There are so many emotions she doesn't even know which one's the biggest one.
She's happy, after spending weeks having only the memory of him and missing him, he's right here on stage.
She's sad, he's right here and she wishes she could just go to him, hug him, kiss him and tell him everything going through her mind right now but she can't, he's so close yet so far.
She's angry, at herself, for being here and being so weak she felt like she needed to do this in order to move on.
She's thrilled, he's so talented and charismatic on that stage. It's beautiful to see him do what he loves to do.
Her heart races, for the first time she allows herself to not overthink this and just sit there with her feelings.
He's an amazing performer.
This role wasn't written for him, but somehow it feels like it was.
He's doing so great, hopefully he might even get nominated for a Tony.
She tries to keep her head straight and just appreciate seeing him but she can't help thinking about him in ways she shouldn't anymore.
She thinks about his lips, his skin, his hands… every part of him she loved and cherished way more than she should've.
She tries to chase the thoughts away but her brain keeps sending her back.
To be completely fair, who could blame her?
For two hours, she observes him, embraces the butterflies in her stomach, embraces the wanting, embraces the memories.
Images of working with him, kissing him, being in his bed, him touching her, relaxing at his place and smoking joints after difficult rehearsal days… None of it should've happened, it was wrong on so many levels but God did it make her happy while it lasted.
Before he showed up, she would've thought that it was just the excitement of having an affair, the high of doing something forbidden and secret but it's so much more than that.
It's nice to not feel guilty for the smile appearing on her face, for the pride shining in her eyes, for the way her heart feels like it's expanding ten times.
As they reach the end of the show though it hits her that this is it.
In a few minutes, he's going to walk off that stage and she's never going to see him again.
All these feelings she allowed herself to feel in the dark of this room are going to have to go back into a little box, sealed in the deepest part of her heart.
It's the right thing to do, she has to protect her family.
Going back to missing him though is going to hurt so much.
Maybe doing this wasn't such a good idea after all.
Tears escape her eyes during his last song.
It goes unnoticed, people around her are focused on the performance and it is an emotional one, but it is not that easy to not just fall apart.
During the last bows, their eyes meet.
It barely lasts 2 seconds but when it happens, she freezes.
He wasn't supposed to know she was here.
It feels like her heart stops for a second before it starts racing again, he has this look of shock on his face before it disappears in favor of smiling for the audience. It's one of the fakest smiles she's ever seen.
And then he walks off stage.
The curtain drops.
She sits back on her chair.
The audience starts leaving, some of them are trying to go as fast as they can to get to the stage door and some others are just taking their time.
She doesn't make any effort to move.
She will, she absolutely will before anyone notices her, she just needs a minute.
She needs one because if she stands up right now she's not going to leave the Theater she's going to go backstage and that was her one rule.
Just one moment to get a grip before she can go.
Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, she forces herself to think about Frank, Leo, their family and all the good moments they had.
She loves them, she truly does.
It hurts, but she made the right choice.
That thought gives her just enough courage to put her coat back on, stand up and leave.
She doesn't see him moving the curtain just enough to check if he dreamt it or if she was really here.
She's perfectly aware that she leaves a piece of her heart in that Theater as the doors close behind her.