It had been a year since the Revolution and the androids had been set free. Connor, in his suit that he insisted on keeping, found himself sitting on a wimpy folding chair in one of the rusted rooms of New Jericho. They had replaced the old Jericho ship with a new one, though it was in poor condition. He heard some of the household androids had taken to cleaning and scrubbing patches here and there because either through their programming, their habits, or their self-worth, they could not stand the filthy ship.
Connor had been given his room on the ship. A small hard bed with a hard mattress and no sheet laid in one corner. He never used it; he usually stayed with Hank. In the opposite corner were a single chair and a foldable table. Markus said he knew Connor would need them for his work if he ever stayed, so Markus purposefully sought them out. Connor felt confused at the time. He knew Markus didn't need to do that for him. It still confused him. Connor looked down at his makeshift desk. The only object displayed on it was his gun.
Connor felt... some sort of negative emotion. He wasn't quite used to all of these new feelings. What did Hank call it? Guilt? Sadness? Connor figured it was some kind of mixture of the two. He didn't like these emotions.
He felt them all too often. He felt guilty. His very existence scared the deviants. He was programmed to hunt them. He had chased some of them. He chased a mother, Kara he later learned, across a multi-lane highway. They were scared of him, and he couldn't blame them. Then there was the whole Jericho thing. They had a perfectly fine base with medical equipment and only a slight amount of rust. But now they were stuck with their current rust bucket that even Connor shamefully tried to avoid. And then there was the death toll. When Jericho sank, many androids and humans died. It wouldn't have happened if he had kept his mouth shut. He was supposed to be a leader of New Jericho, and yet he couldn't stand it. He was supposed to be an example and yet he hated the filth and the stares and whispers that followed him. He was unwelcome. He didn't hold it against them. Markus, Josh, Simon, and even North would put on a brave or kind face in front of him, but he didn't trust it. He knew they hated him just as much as the rest of them did. Connor hated emotions. He always felt like he was being crushed by guilt.
He felt scared. Ever since Amanda had tried to take over his programming, he was terrified that she would succeed. He knew the other androids would fall under him; it's what he was programmed to do. He did not want to hurt any of them. He did not want to see any more of them die by his hands. Amanda and CyberLife terrified him.
He also discovered his newfound fear of heights. When he was a machine, he could leap from rooftops with ease. He still can if he is focused on a suspect and not what was happening around him, but he couldn't stand by an edge leisurely. While others could bask in the beauty of what was happening below, his thirium pump would race and his cooling system would overreact or fail to function at all. Sometimes he would feel like he wasn't there. Sometimes he felt like he was back at his first mission and was trying to convince Daniel not to jump.
The first time it happened, he and Hank were investigating a case on the rooftop of an apartment building where someone had either jumped or was pushed. They determined it was a case of suicide. The clean-up crew scattered around them, and Hank walked to the edge. He commented on the sunset across the city skylines, and Connor looked to see for himself. But when he looked, instead of admiring the colorful sky, Connor's breath caught in his throat. He vaguely heard someone mumble, and his system flashed red warning signs saying his cooling system needed more air to function properly. He heard gushing in his ears and determined his thirium pump was working off the charts. Almost like a ghost, someone lowered him down to the ground. His eyes were covered by someone's hand, and with the view of the skylines taken away, he started to calm down. His hearing receptors started functioning normally, and he finally understood that Hank had been trying to talk to him. When Connor was able to move again, he and Hank went home. Hank questioned if he was scared of heights and if there might be a reason for it. The only thing Connor could come up with was the incident with Daniel. Hank swore, "Shit! They made an android, and the first thing they did was give it fucking PTSD."
The second time it happened, Markus was giving Connor a tour of New Jericho. They had reached a platform at the top of the new ship. It was high up with railings circling it. Markus stood next to Connor and waved out. He said cheerfully that New Jericho would slowly but surely be a wonderful safe haven for all androids. But when Connor didn't respond, Markus looked back at him and saw his LED was spinning an angry red. He tried calling out to him but was given no response. Markus peeled back the artificial skin on his hand and took a hold of Connor's. When Markus connected to him, he saw an android, the same model as Simon, standing over a ledge with a gun in one hand and a human girl in the other. Markus commanded Connor, "Wake up." Markus's caretaker programming went into overdrive. He phoned Hank to come and pick up the detective. While Connor was placed inside Hank's car, Hank briefly explained his theory of Connor having PTSD, and Markus agreed with it.
Connor had started having nightmares. He was no longer welcome in the Zen Garden, which he couldn't decide was a good or bad thing. He was stuck reliving Daniel, Amanda, and his frozen zen garden. It started the same. It was freezing, much colder than even Detroit on a snowy day. Connor's very wirings felt like they were frozen in ice. He was surrounded by a blizzard, and it made it difficult to see. Amanda would approach him and say that he was a disappointment. She would fade into the snow. Next, Daniel would approach him. His dead eyes would burn through Connor's, and he would whisper how he just wanted to be free. He would crumble to the ground, and Kara and Alice would run across his vision. A car, seemingly from nowhere and hidden far into the storm, would pull out and hit them. With them dead as well, Markus would approach. He held a handheld radio and would tell Connor, "You did this to us." The radio would explode, and fire engulfed Connor until he woke up. It was an almost nightly occurrence, and Connor had taken to not sleeping until he was forcefully placed into status mode.
Connor also discovered another new emotion, one he both liked and hated, called love. He experienced love for the first time from Hank and Sumo. Amanda was all he knew, so it was pure whiplash when Hank decided to take him in. Because Hank was different than Amanda. Much different. If Connor failed to do a task, Hank didn't mind; in fact, he was more than happy to help make it right even if it was something as dull as Connor accidentally burning dinner and Hank saying it wasn't a big deal and ordering pizza instead. When Connor wasn't sure what to do with in social interaction, he was not berated, and Hank's interest in him did not plummet. Sumo didn't care how many androids he scared or what he was programmed to do. Sumo was purely happy to see him. Connor also discovered that love often caused sadness. Seven months after the Revolution, Sumo had died. Hank said it was from old age. The two of them were heartbroken. Connor knew that it would happen someday. He had hoped that since he was already familiar with death, being a homicide detective, that it wouldn't hurt as badly. But it did. It was just him and Hank. But then Hank had fallen ill. He was currently residing in a local hospital. Connor was left to stay in New Jericho until he was released. If he was released.
Connor stared at his gun. He questioned himself, 'What am I doing here?'
The androids were afraid of him; he was programmed to hunt them. Humans hated him; he was a leader of Jericho and had killed humans when he released the androids from CyberLife Tower. Even those he had close to him only tolerated him except for Hank who was more than likely on his deathbed. Connor picked up his gun. His red LED swirled to yellow as he sent a message to Markus.