Chapter Four

Back to December

So this is me swallowing my pride

Standing in front of you, saying, "I'm sorry for that night,"

And I go back to December all the time.

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you

I wish I'd realized what I had when you were mine

I'd go back to December, turn around, and make it all right

I go back to December all the time.

BACK TO DECEMBER (Taylor's Version)

Taylor Swift
Speak Now / 2023

The Present

Shoney's Corner Taproom

December 2023

Toronto, Canada

Emma has been having a rough day and couldn't catch a break. She knew unlike other times when she just knew what she needed, and that was a drink. She was desperate to ease her mind and she was far from wanting to come back to Manny's after her tiff with her daughter, so she stopped at the small corner bar closer to Joey's house. Initially, she felt bad so she texted her before walking into the establishment, so there were no surprises for her friends.

She knows that Manny has been struggling with how to handle the change in their teenage daughter, they are practically at their wit's end, and Emma walking out on her, because what she said struck a nerve was just as if not more immature as a response. It's just that, the last thing she wanted to hear was a teenager's perspective, how she knows how it felt when the older and wiser ladies and gentlemen, Emma admired in the industry and behind the music, the insiders, wanted to hear what she had to say. Perhaps it simply comes with age.

If worse comes to worse Emma be able to walk home and it'd not be that far. She wasn't in a dash or a rush to get back to Joey's as she was still extremely humiliated, so she googled where the closest bar was to her location.

She found herself one in a less than 1-mile radius, it was a small little dive spot, old and dated, not very popular off the beaten path, but clean, a little charming, with paneling and vintage retro vibes, a jukebox and, even had an old vending machine stocked with stale cigarettes and a coke machine that was at the very least five rebrands ago, from the looks its dated, approximately the late 1980's even possibly the early 1990's. The drinks were cheap and were probably going to be basic or even lousy with no frills, top shelf isn't exactly an option but she's not a stranger to seedy places to hide in plain sight was a long-standing pastime, a dangerous one.

She took a seat at the antiquated bar on the worn barstool preoccupied, soothing herself by tucking her long blonde locks from her longer bangs behind her ear. She was aware she stuck out like a sore thumb barely dressed just in that cardigan forgotten her jacket at the house, and just generally looking concerned, but unrecognized as this big star. She asked herself, when did she ever fit in?

Like a time machine, this place was as antiquated but somewhat a hidden gem and diamond in the rough. Believe it or not, she's drinking in worse around the world, but it had character and charm she enjoyed that though, it had the potential to make her forget the exchange between them, and happened on the street with Sean

As for the atmosphere, it was dead it wasn't yet five o'clock, with a few older men from all walks of life some contemplative and introspective, others younger social, excited, and happy, scattered around. Some customers had shots in front of them as if they were staring down the barrel of a loaded gun, the college guys back for Winter Break celebrating with their big pitchers of cheap beer, and knocking back pilsners. Billy Joel's voice softly permeates through the speakers with dimly lit booths upon the walls with old photographs through the years playing Captain Jack. There were a few out-of-towners for the evening visiting family like her, and some local regulars, of course, romantic couples too, and a single old slow-moving, bartender.

She would assume he's the owner, or it's been in his family for some time, he was old at the most mid-80s, but she wasn't sure.

He removed the cigar, hanging from his mouth, as if it were a stogie from his lips with his finger that he'd been puffing on while doing little bar hand things, he didn't have a barback or a busboy to aid him, but not exactly common for him to get a big crowd anyhow, even with Christmas being just around the corner. The older man put it in the nearby ashtray behind him before, "Hi there, ma'am, I'm Shoney, what can I get you? How ya take your liquor?" His eyes glanced to the bottles of plenty behind him. She followed with her eyes, it was the the most efficient and yet basic bar she'd ever seen, she'd never been to a real dive. From the worn bar seating, stuck in

the 1970s, with paneling it felt like a time capsule. She'd never seen that much wood on a wall before, it felt like a tiny cottage from some Disney film but she somehow managed to stick out with her pretty somewhat glitzy looking and expensive cardigan compared to the clientele whom she failed to observe the proper etiquette.

"Shoney, I don't know, hm." She played along thinking as she tried to figure out what the easiest drink to get her started would be, "I guess I'll take a Long Island iced tea, top shelf, hold the ice perhaps?" He made a face reacting to a bold order and then she lightened up and relented, "Okay less ice, please? I'll be paying with a card."

He chuckled knowing all too well how out of place she looked, but she was likely from out of town, "Yes, ma'am, it's coming right up."

"Thanks." She faked a winning smile and dug her cell phone out of her pocket but didn't look at her messages yet, he commented, "Ma'am, you got a death wish, but it'll cure whatever ails or get you sick, either way or worse your funeral. It's a 50/50 crapshoot."

"Yeah, can I add a double shot of whatever you got with bourbon? The stronger and best you can get for the best price, the better."

He chuckled cautiously his demeanor a warning but he was going to give her a drink either way or in this case, a shot, so heed the warning he figured but it'll be a hangover or at least a trip to the washroom he assumed and if she's okay with that, then Shoney is more than willing to do as she asks, "You're not driving, a nice young lady such as yourself because I do-"

She cut him off and answered calmly, "Nah, this place is pedestrian-friendly. I'm probably going to walk myself home, it's about a two-minute walk from here, down a ways and up a hill, but if I work out I'll be good, I'm sorry, you were saying?"

He giggled, "Ah, just sometimes drinks creep up on you, not you per se, but usually in an hour after one of these here long islands, you can be impaired, at least the way I make them, a generous pour, heavy-handed maybe, you'll see. You want it?" She was humored and smiled and nodded, "As you wish before I bring out anything of that variety, I need a favor from you, young lady."

"What is it?" She asked curiously.

"Well for starters, can I see if you got ID, Miss? I'm not trying to lose my liquor license. I never serve the underage. We've been seeing a lot of fakes around here."

"I'm flattered." She flatly remarked with a smile, that she didn't think it'd be a thing here like it was in the United States where she primarily dwells. She grabbed her tiny but stocked, black, designer crossbody still on her shoulder and took the ID from the wallet inside, she had it with all her credit cards, debit cards, cash, and other miscellany and trinkets, such as a hairclip, chewing gum, and some other little essentials.

She took it out, awkwardly, Begrudgingly, and unenthused, she got a bit impatient handling her little bag, but the kindly old bartender was humorous and kind and Emma didn't want to take it out or be a rude customer.

If she was being honest, he'll likely be tipped just as generously just for the conversation, if she doesn't black out. Emma showed him her license, and he checked it with his squinted eyes, the guy needed glasses but he was not wearing glasses, "California Girl, huh? Say, you're far from home, Miss. Emma Nelson. Gemini, huh? I know lots of those. What brings you around town?"

"Yeah, I'm sure you've got stories." She replied politely.

He beamed quietly as he continued, "You look so familiar, my granddaughter is into this lovely entertainer named Lucky. I don't know." He scratched his head speaking quietly, "If you ever heard the saying everyone got a twin?" She nodded filled with intrigue, "I think you're a dead ringer. You're gonna feel like crap in the morning, just to warn ya, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it."

She was a bit dismissive, but preoccupied in her mind, shrugging unenthusiasticly with a smug expression, "I'll live, and yeah, I get that a lot." She wanted her drink now and he was taking too long, her patience, thin as a shoestring or a rubber band, and good mood for niceties and being polite, was wearing thin and being stretched. He returned her ID and got to work, but was still close enough to talk to.

"So you meeting somebody or are you drinking alone?" He smiled making conversation, pleased to have a conversation.

He made her drink with the ice, the garnishes, and the mixtures, simultaneously he continued to have a pleasant conversation and enjoyed the social aspect of an out-of-town, young, pretty, non-biased local.

"It's a pleasure, Shoney."

"What brings you around here, ma'am? I haven't seen you here before."

Cordinally she answered, "It's the holidays. They, I don't know who they are, say there's no place like home for the holidays or home in general but I guess so much has changed since the last time I was here. It's been a long time."

"I hope you don't think I'm out of line by saying this but Emma is a lovely name. I'm old, but I had an Emma once in my life when I was a young fella. It was the greatest 2 years of my young life." He giggled, "You know, she was like a debutant and I was her escort and we danced all night!"

He was this short and cute little old man, regardless if this story was fabricated it distracted her and cheered her up and she loved how happy it made the old man to have someone to speak to surrounded by the regulars with seldom new people around who don't know these things or stories. "Do tell. I'm not trying to deal with the drama where I'm staying, tell me about you." She wanted to be cheered up, she felt shitty about her aggressive interaction and argument with Sean.

"I shrunk," he laughed bashfully and nervously, but happy to share, "Back when I was young guy, maybe sixteen, fourteen or so, early in high school, all the girls loved to touch my hair, but Emma, she was, magnificent. If I was being honest and I always was to a fault, they'd call me Shoney Washington, like the myth or something in history about George Washington, the first president of the United States, because I was never a liar. I was a punk, I was always in trouble I met her at the dance officially, before I met her, I was going nowhere fast, but she made me better. I know it sounds like a cliche, but she saved me from falling in with tough crowds and befriending bad guys, I mean I loved getting dirty and having adventure. As for touching my hair? She could do that anytime, but she always even when were were together romantically going steady, would go ahead and sweetly ask, you know if she could. She was a gentle and kind soul. She'd never hurt a fly, that I knew of. I prefer to think of her that way."

"Aw," Emma softly beamed hearing him light up at that.

"Miss, she was the total package if I'm being honest, truly in a class by herself. She was lovely, tall, and leggy for miles, she used to model tights for the local stores. Her family then Yardley's, her family owned a few 5 dime stores before her dad became the mayor way back then, Woolworths five-and-dime bought them out and then they went under in the late '90s."

"Emma had these big, beautiful brown eyes like a porcelain doll in a poodle skirt, she had this warmth and she always smelled like fresh roses, she was an amateur horticulturist and loved flowers anyway, she probably smelled like roses because she was always planting in her makeshift garden in her downtime or whatever, her grandmother on her fathers side passed along her horticulture language of flowers, and she even had a job at the florist in her grade 11 school year.

"Her doe-eyes would change color in different lights so if we went swimming at Bennet Park or walking in the sunlight, they and be this almost golden hue, like the cornfields by Bennet Park before it became a goldmine for land in the mid to late 1990's. In the 60's the kids used to go deep in the woods by the ravine and get drunk and smoke pot. What a time. She had this long naturally wavy, dark brown hair."

"Let me guess, she's your wife."

He didn't answer her right away and got to cleaning something in the hope of distracting himself from the ugly truth, and continued onward so she tried to stay tight-lipped until the story was over to be polite. "She and I were deeply in deep, two crazy kids in love. It was my life but she was my world. Cupid shot me, we had a cliquey crew of mutual friends with common dreams and simple pleasures. We weren't perfect, I'd be lying if we were. I was happy too. For I had the most beautiful girl in the world, in any room or place on my arm, and she only had eyes for me. I was an average guy I wasn't popular in school but she fell for me just as I was. We used to study together at first, and have casual friend dates but we'd always be talking amongst ourselves eventually we just started having picnics alone and such and we'd still see people like friends but we also were constantly close."

The way he was describing she was thinking about how it was with Sean before, before their major split after their last kiss, the big fight, and the silence followed by many years apart. "You ever feel like that Miss?"

She played stupid but didn't want to be dishonest, "Who hasn't?"

"Sometimes it's better to experience as a child, or like me as a young adult in high school you're not all beat done by like negative experiences for example."

"I suppose. What else happened?"

"Well, we had our issues and differences, but we did everything together. I think she is like we left off somewhere in those times. As far as family, she had a rich daddy to start, mom was pretty well off, they were both somehow old money types, wasps, he was bred from like an oil tycoon like their parents before, and so on, they were New York transplants with other houses. He didn't have a straight home in his life because his parents moved, so they put roots here in town and had intentions to stay. I don't even know if they stuck around much like more recently, long gone, he smoked too much pipe tobacco and because I lost touch, and you know their parents before they had money and so on."

"We were so different in life experiences and families, my parents meant well and did their best but they were Irish immigrants and my dad was a drunk, leave it at that. Money wasn't a thing to go around. He opened this pub with his brother James. We were so young, perhaps if we had some wisdom I wouldn't still think about that time in my life. When Emma was in my life, I couldn't scrape two pennies together. She could've been with any guy, all the guys liked her and she had lots of girlfriends. She was popular, if it were today she would head some fashion magazine or be that influencer type thing I see on the news all the time. Do you know that large mansion on Porter Place?

"Yellow with the white trim and lattice there was a little historical marker to indicate it can't be torn down."

"Yeah, it was old, but had so much character."

"That was her parent's place. It sold for a half million and some change a few years back. She was my first girlfriend, but I was young and dumb and ah, forget it. It's a long story. You can't even enjoy your drink." She didn't mind the story, she loved hearing stories like that. She felt somewhat sad about it, but she almost could admit to herself she was happy to be there in town, even if she wasn't in the highest of spirits. What Sean had said kept ringing in her ears and tinging in her, the cruelty, the tone, and a part of her thought perhaps he was mad about things, plus whatever she did, and he was using that as an excuse to be bitter and choose to let his hurt and anger speak for him. Admittedly, she thought she'd keep her composure in regards to her tiff with Sean.

He presented her the drink and put the glass over a little white napkin.

He spiced up the look of the drink with a cherry on a sword and a little pink umbrella for a fun garnish, he went the extra mile for a tip. He concluded the storytime, "So long story short, I come back from the war, and she didn't want me to go, but it was my duty, and shit and I was kind of forced by the army and I don't know, and it was a life or death thing. We fought, to end all fights before I went. I had every intention you know, to be a man and provide for her and for marrying her, putting my grandmammy's diamond ring on her finger, and making an honest woman and making it all worth it for her, for me, for us, and our future. I wanted to grow old and open up a palace like this with her by my side. I could've been flat broke too, it wouldn't make a difference to me or whatever, but at least we'd have each other right?"

"What happened?" She asked softly. "If you don't mind me asking."

"So I come back to town, two years later. She's- she's moved on. She didn't wait for me, I didn't expect her to, but I wouldn't think she'd be a different person, or she wasn't the girl I knew anymore, but that's because she was engaged to some average nobody with money, this like gentleman was still good, respectful, average, was typical but you know? I can't fight fate, maybe we weren't meant to be, and I just, I hoped it'd be different and she understood that I still loved her, and I still respected her, and I guess I trusted her judgment. I kicker is I heard everything was nice for her, she had you know, everything we wanted to have, just not with me from around through mutual friends and such, even here I'll run into a guy and he'll talk about how we almost made it, and it tears me up inside but also, sometimes love just aint enough, sometimes it's just not and someone can come along and sweep you off your feet and it won't matter that relationship you're in right now, or whatever because it's all them. I vowed I'd never love again, it was the worst heartbreak I'd ever experienced. Boys don't cry, but let me tell you, I cried, I grieved her, and she's alive and well apparently, and loss doesn't always mean they died. All I have left of her is memories and photographs I refuse to part with because, she was my heart and if I can't have her then, at least, at the very least I have that."

"By everything, you know the whole thing, husband, kids and I was a footnote, a nice, special or significant or nothing, but yet I was the loser in that, a distant memory. It was never the same after that. I'm not a fool, and I did what I did." He shrugged, his story hit a bit close to home. "Emma though, we were two peas in a pod, inseparable, we were king and queen of the Paris-themed promenade, and in the yearbook, we were voted best couple from our class at Degrassi Community. Back then it was simply Degrassi High and junior high was like on Pine St. We were the first class to graduate from that school senior year before the fire in the late 80s from the pipes bursting." He changed the subject, "So, you from around these parts, or passing through?"

"I've got friends and family here." She quipped softly keeping tight-lipped on her identity to not get extra unwanted attention. "I lived around here, but I moved when I was a teenager."

She sipped her drink, some other people regulars and locals came through and was a nice bit of a crowd and she still tried hard to blend in and not be noticed. This place wasn't her scene, eventually after she felt good and tipsy and found the silence of the side conversations and such, she decided to peep the jukebox to see what was in there by way of much-needed tuneage. Music is how she copes, she looked at navigation on the screen and and even spotted a few of her songs before finding some fun songs she decided on an 80's song Take Me Home Tonight by Eddie Money, a crowd-pleaser at a spot by her house she frequented with friends when she was newly 21.

She couldn't help but notice the energy in the sleepy spot perk up and excited some of the patrons and people singing along a bit. Shony smiled and even danced around a bit as he cleaned up and made drinks for more people. The celebratory mood was a high point, although it could just be the liquor. Emma didn't even notice Sean come through the saloon-style cherrywood door, and take a seat beside her. Stealth as a ninja she didn't take her eyes off the people and took in the moment for what it was.

He had time to cool off, and he had the same idea to get himself a drink. Great minds think alike. Emma by this point was on a roll, took out a tab, and was on her third drink on top of the Long Island as it got a little later. She hadn't put in food yet, but she wasn't hungry and still reeling from earlier.

In her time alone observing and contemplative state while pounding back drinks, Emma received a text from Manny who had returned home from work to an empty house wondering where she went. Emma was supposed to make dinner with Kat but after the fight and her inability to cook. She also mentioned that her daughter has this tendency to sneak out sometimes after an argument. She also mentioned that Emma sort of forgot that Kat was grounded for skipping Perino's History class for the third time this marking period and he called home.

Craig this time did the grounding. The elusive and rebellious Kat did slip out her open bedroom window about twenty minutes after Emma stormed out after their blowout. Manny doesn't know about it just yet. Emma was too drunk to text back so she replied with an error in the grammatical and spelling variety, and emojis of alcoholic beverages, hearts and smiley faces, music notes, and stuff. Manny connected the dots and she figured Emma would turn up in a bit, after she sobers up, and then talk to Manny about her daughter and what happened also about her run-in with Sean.

Emma will mostly need wine for liquid courage because Manny will likely be pissed. Manny's got that cellar stocked for the occasion. Craig and Manny purchased different varieties of alcohol and mostly wines since Emma said she was coming to town. Emma couldn't help but remember it wasn't all that long ago when Manny and Emma used to sneak out of her basement window for late-night walks or the time they went to the rave before moving away that winter.

Emma went to look a the clock to her left and saw Sean drinking a beer from a pilsner staring straight ahead at the football game on TV, the announcers were going on about snow being in the forecast for the evening on the other one beside it, but Emma wasn't paying much attention to that as she was living in her head, thinking long and hard about the day, what a mess she figured perhaps it was a mistake, too little too late to fix, change, or anything. Sean was right, perhaps she doesn't belong here and she feels lost and confused because she'd never know for sure if she made the right decisions before this, it's not for a lack of trying.

She knew it was cold, and that was pretty much it, and she didn't pack for it. He noticed or felt the sense that someone was looking his way, and she quickly turned her head to pretend she didn't notice him.

"You're stalking me." He joked brashly, calmly, flatly, but in addition, he calmly lamented, "You'd think you'd be sympathetic considering who you are."

"It's not like you know me." She sighed taking a sip.

"Think I've got the vague idea, otherwise you wouldn't be drowning out your sorrows in a bar, not that I judge though."

"Dream on, and don't talk to me." She muttered sullenly and bitterly and most importantly quietly not looking at him again and off to the side preoccupied. She was careful not to draw attention to herself, she was good at that and she's got a lot of experience.

"You know for an LA lady you have the personality of a wet mop, you surely can't handle your alcohol. Look at you being messy." He was somewhat amused seeing her this way, trying so hard to be 'cool' and it shows.

He was a bit humorous, perhaps he wasn't necessarily a mean guy, maybe he had a bad day, a bad run-in because it was all so resentful and underhanded but it's doubtful he meant harm. He just wanted to let her know how he felt, but he went about it the old Sean Cameron way, his cold brash temper had thawed quite a bit for seeing her once again in that initial 'you're here!' moment he had been waiting for faithfully, for yours.

He shook his head somewhat amused, "Emma, okay forget the jokes, can I just say, with all due respect, that I think we got off on the wrong foot?"

"I'll say." She sipped her drink again with a snicker.

"Hear me out, look at me." She turned her chair to face him on the left, unimpressed by his stab at an apology, the closest thing she got to was that holding him accountable was a necessity. She wanted him to know what she was feeling or had been feeling for the time they were apart or at least show interest in what he had to say. If he was going to apologize for the way he expressed his feelings, he had better get to doing it then.

She was trying to stay focused, but she needed to catch some air, and by air, smoke a cigarette to keep herself grounded.

The closest thing she got to that before her departure, was when he told him sorry how you got hurt and my life isn't your business. Good times, not so much. "You said a lot, I said a lot. I was a bit melodramatic, and I got mad at you, just 'cause your life is typically perfect, and mine is shitty by comparison, doesn't make it right to hurt your feelings or whatever because of all that we both made choices good and bad, and I'm just sorry."

He'd be lying if she wasn't amused by how she carries herself drunk and angry from her imperfect lipstick smudged from the glass hitting her lips and her raccoon-esque looking eyes.

She was off in space thinking about that moment. She hoped the Sean standing before her was more mature than that guy, less temperamental, or still harbored the same or close to the same level of admiration and feelings both simple and complicated as she does.

"Boozy, do you want a truce or not? Something tells me, it's something I want."

"Laugh it up, I just know it's not my fault we have issues."

"We don't have to, everything always is so serious, Emma."

"Look, Sean, let's look at the facts, shall we? I was perfectly nice to you! We were getting along famously until I believe you or I brought up the negative things that happened years ago. I thought water under the bridge, bygones be bygones, but no. You had to bring up the shit I don't want to talk about."

"Tough."

"Well, tough cookies to you, if we're being fair, tit for tat. Why do I bother arguing with you? You made it impossible by," He implied he thought she knew, and he was right to assume at the very least, however, that me be, he still wanted to say what he had to say, and he had quite a bit to say on the topic.

He realized she seemed tired and out of sorts. She was speaking less thoughtfully or constructively and just out of it. She sighed out loud and replied, "Sorry I just get -"

"I know. It's okay, Emma. You do you. I don't think I had a right to criticize you because I was holding grudges toward you, I mean you gave me the biggest cut to my ego at the time and, we can talk about it later, something tells me we could be talking about anything else, the mood is right, we'll talk about that then."

She instinctively and quickly looked out her peripheral squinting, her eyes unable to function, he signaled good old Shoney to get her water to help her sober up as it was getting late.

She tried her best to appear unphased, but also paid close attention to genuine authenticity. She wasn't one for the easy way. "I believe the words you said were," She repeated aloud and added, "Were, was, all the past tenses."

"I didn't?" He questioned, "When?"

She shrugged, and he continued, "Like I said, I'm sorry about how I acted. I got into a disagreement with someone else, not to make it like that with excuses, and I blew up at you. You didn't do anything or say anything wrong in theory, and honestly? I hate it when I do things like that. It only ruins my day, I sometimes have no control over what I say, and what you said, that little thing about not saying goodbye, it's a lot to discuss with alcohol involved, but if you want, we can talk about it while you're in town and put in a pin in that. Seem fair?"

"Sure." She answered, that the last thing she wanted was to talk about it at all, especially while drinking.

He did what he told her he wouldn't and then looked in her direction, he was sincere, "You didn't deserve that, and I am sorry, again." Sean continued to talk and finally, she reluctantly decided to listen fully and he had her interest piqued once again.

It was like that one cool, spring day under the tree by the beach and the ocean. He is like a John Hughes Jake Ryan-type like in, Sixteen Candles; clad in a pair of slacks, a silver chain wallet in his pocket, a white dress shirt and black tie, and Emma with bad hair, braces, and all the prepubescent awkwardness. Everything about the early days was beautifully awkward. After all, they had been so young because they were just so different when things started to heat up, and by then they both wanted different things, but it was the right guy and the wrong situation, and it took her years to whack and search for what went wrong, it nearly drove her mad, and he too, wanted nothing more than to be able to say all the things he'd been thinking silently out loud and in the open and whatever happens, happens.

Nobody but him had held her interest quite like that moment or since completely or in the same way, and here they were years later, ironically the number of years gone by was the number of years they stayed apart. "Thanks." Emma answered with a small smile looking down at her drink, it was a start she added, "Just don't let it happen again."

"I can't promise, but I can make an effort."

"I guess you get an A for effort." She grinned enthusiastically, flirtatiously yet tiredly, she yawned before confessing humorously, "Since it's late, I guess I accept your apology. I don't know if the liquor is talking, but you're lucky you're cute, and we can leave it at that." She softly caressed his cheek and then softly beamed, he graced a reflective yet genuine smile back. He took in stride seeing her million wat smile once again, a genuine one that could light up a thousand Christmas trees much akin to the one in Rockafellar Plaza.

He got corny, Emma's the only person he'd ever asked. "So do you want to dance?"

She giggled a bit giddily and humored, "I can hardly stand, but we can sway? Just, promise me one thing."

"Anything."

"Don't let me fall."

Sean beamed taking her hand toward the streetlight, "I promise, I'll hold you up best I can."

He took her hand to the little dance floor in the middle of the place.

He took her by the hand as they prepared his hand around her waist her hands upon his shoulders.

She'd admit she wanted to be a bit closer. From the close proximity, she can unmistakably, recognize, the familiar scent of Snuggle fabric softener, and how Sean literally smelled the same as he did years ago. Some things never change.

He instinctively made a joke about how juvenile it was like, how close their hearts were but their minds made it impossible to simply revel in the moment of dancing in the arms of their first love, mutually speaking for both of them, were still just as much into each other, instinctively accommodating and inviting the chance for some more developments to come, in the here and now.

For example, when Raditch had that assembly back in grade 7 on the afternoon before the Starlight, Starbright dance, he said he'd have this ruler to measure the proximity, and make sure the arms weren't bent, or there wasn't any hanky panky or awkwardness it's not like they're children, it's not like they hadn't been intimate with others before and there was something special about this moment the closeness didn't need to be a kiss, though tempting or a one night stand or involve being naked, but they could be vulnerable with each other and take it as it comes, and if by chance they find that groove or feel those types of feelings perhaps then come those types of fireworks but for now it's baby steps.

Sean still, despite being a fully grown adult, wanted to be respectful to her and held back, on this, also out of respect for Ellie, with whom he'd had an argument to end all arguments just hours earlier, before his with Emma, nearing the end of the road, but embarking on uncharted territory with the woman before him. Especially in her drunken state, he held back, because he's not the kind of guy to take advantage of her or anyone too drunk to agree to something. For all he knows, she could forget this all by morning. He hoped and prayed she'd remember this, and everything else that happened or could happen that night. He'll leave that up to fate and nature.

The slow-in-tempo song on the jukebox titled Wonderful Tonight, set the sentimental mood or, accented or punctuated it in such a way that it was nothing short of a magical dream only to be described best as a miracle. Despite their olive branch, or the seedlings of a romantic nature, ready and willing to grow, go out on a limb, they were locked in, all bets are off on keeping their distance, and all of it taking place in a seedy bar, tipsy and imperfectly perfect, and the honesty, the makings of a bad Lifetime film or a romantic comedy but played seriously.

In that time they spent the duration of the song, as fleeting as it could be, dancing and by dancing, swaying in a warm embrace, close. With arms outstretched like a hug, both of their arms tightly clasped around the other, yet slowly through the duration of the song, bent elbows, and then even soft whispered talking amongst themselves, silently in the dark corner of the bar off-center of the little wooden dance floor with the other couples, young and old and in-between, and people all around, surrounded but in their worlds, around the pair were focused solely on them and for that moment nobody else mattered, and their fight and their hatchet were considered, water under the bridge and as good as buried. As luck had nothing to do with it, they were indeed with the people they were born to stay around for. She felt whole in his arms, and so did he, but they hadn't figured out that was the rub, they're always better together, never boring either.

After the song was sung and done, he bought them a final round to welcome her home and celebrate her homecoming. Shoney brought them some drinks, Sean instructed him to put everything on his tab, and that he'd pay him later. He figured after this drink called Adios Motherfucker would really seal the fate that their night would be through, he was tired anyhow and was ready to take her back to Manny's, who is likely worried if he knew her.

'So, you know what I'd been up to, but what have you been up to since, I left?" She was leaning on her arm, elbow bent on the wood top counter of the bar.

"I work at the local garage, um not much else." He bashfully answered.

"Don't be so modest, Sean. Tell me."

"I'm not as interesting as you, I mean I don't know, I know you used to date MC Dice."

Her smile faded, "Eh, can we not talk about him?"

"I mean he's a carbon copy of like some Eminem wannabe."

She snickered, "I really liked him, it's just he liked fame better. I should've known, Belize, Bella, my stylist and assistant hated him. She has impeccable taste in people."

"What do you think she'd say about me?"

Emma shrugged coyly, "I figure maybe one day you'll meet her, probably, maybe, who knows?"

"Should I flag you now?"

"Shaddup, let me enjoy my drinks." She held the drink to her lips and sipped it, "Thanks, by the way."

"Don't mention it." He echoed the sentiment, "Anytime. I just can't believe you're right in front of me and it's not like I'm watching MTV. You look, you look really good, Em. You seem to cultivate a life for yourself that you like." She tried to hide her true feelings on the matter. She wasn't happy in her stardom, she felt like she was consistently working to prove herself more worthy of the top of the pops. Day out and day in, records, recordings, was all about marketing herself to be and top the last album, last single, and do better, hit the marks, rehearsals, touring, press events, appearances, and everything else. She was now eighteen years in the industry that typically chews and spits out most talent, churns more and more, and casts out ones who aren't filled with luck, youth, and endless and infinite longevity. It wasn't fair, it was constant competition with newcomers and mainstays alike. You were only as good as your lead single in terms of album sales, you can almost ensure you'll be a success, overnight in some cases if a lead single were to skyrocket to the top spot on the Hot 100 or singles charts, however, the latter case would be the lead single tanks, the whole album becomes a gamble, hit or miss, critically panned and could very well end a promising career. Take JC Chazes of NSYNC's lead single Blowin' Me Up with her love compared to bandmate Justin Timberlake's Like I Love You, one did well, the other didn't, and one had a promising music career, usurped by his younger counterpart if we're talking pop music.

Hence, it's a popularity contest, the artist in question either has the star factor to catapult to new heights with potential to spare for continuing on to ride the success to a full career such as herself, or alternatively it just isn't meant for them. She'd seen plenty of people fade off into obscurity she worked with in the past. On Denim Dreamer, her debut album, was a gamble since she wanted input, and was vocal and it did it pay off, but she had a beautiful collaboration with a former colleague by the name of Jordan Channing, she duetted a song called Only Missing U, and he was an up and comer on the album discovered around the same time she was signed singing on New York subways. He had a few minor hits and the duet on the first Lucky album.

Sometimes Emma thinks that her former albums combined with her stage name fit her in the early points of her career but today she finds the whole thing as juvenile as Raditch literally measuring teenagers dancing at a school dance or watching over those same teenagers years ago. There were people in her part of the industry who would prey on young kids, not want them to be further distant from their romantic leads.

As for Jordan, he was chewed up and spit out by the industry which gave him hope. He wound up sickly from his alcoholism, a scar brought on by years of trauma by execs. After his sophomore album flopped he was released from his contract and RCA's recording roster. She lost touch with him in recent years, but that was just a cautionary, not that it mattered to Emma her own career, she'd gladly switch places knowing full well from their limited interactions for his life post-fame that, Jordan is happy, clean, married to a nice woman who was a fan ironically but not in the creepy kind of way, he's got a family with her, and lots of pets at the ranch he bought with the last of his money.

Life went on for him and he still does little shows at cheaper and local venues but nothing compared to his taste of fame in his heyday. He does occasionally receive royalties if and when they use his music and TV appearances on shows like Westdrive which is filmed in Canada, on an arc he's particularly well-known for, He played a major character's love interest.

Sean's words at Shoney's Corner, by comparison to earlier, were a far cry from the cruel words he said, he was very apologetic so perhaps it had something to do with him spending on her, they sipped some water after they finished the drinks, and just basked in each other more than they could ever want, and the time didn't matter.

They could've stayed until closing when Shoney locks up at 3 am which is considered an after-hours joint, and then they; 'd find themselves in the danger zone, trying to pry themselves away from each other until morning.

They eventually went outside to cool off from the warm bar atmosphere in the bitter cold, it felt palatable from the drinks they sipped, but with the fireplace heating the room, between the drinks, the dancing, their bodies touching, and such. It was after midnight or a little bit after that when more people had gone home slowly dwindling counting down until the end of the evening, he could see Emma was a bit tired and probably still a bit jetlagged, and with that in mind, they paid their tabs and left. She deserved some credit for not getting sick or throwing up, especially riding on the back of Sean's Harley as opposed to a car, taxi uber, or any other mode of transportation.

The girl can throw down, he thought impressively, She's the opposite of boring. He'd be lying if he didn't like this side of her. What happens tomorrow will be more than likely too early to call, but definitely without a doubt shrouded in a mystery.

Perhaps having her around wouldn't be so bad, even if she does, have a life more or less, where he has no place, or should have opinions or judgments about. He'll live with the fact she was, in his humble opinion, the one for him then, the jury is still out but he's got higher hopes than earlier about something being there, a remnant of the embers. He isn't sure she shares the sentiment that night, but it all felt so natural to her too.

They can't deny that yes, they were exes for a reason, but that didn't mean they had to spew hate, resent the ground they both walk upon, avoid each other forever like Emma had been, and resort to using negative tones toward each other, because, he doesn't for the record hate her, and he knows deep down there's a fine line to tread upon between love, like, and hate. Mutually speaking, Emma doesn't hate him, quite the opposite, at least the anger in her has died down to a gray ash, but has just as strong if not stronger feelings, emotional and nostalgic filled ones of when they were young, happy, and most importantly very much in love, even if they never uttered a word about that when they were living in that state of mind. It wasn't until adulthood, that what she was feeling, that overwhelming feeling of love, and what heartbreak did to them, separated them, destroyed the good, and replaced it all with the bad, the cloud stormed over her, she brick by broken brick toiled away at building herself up so she wouldn't have to hurt anymore. She hid her heart behind walls. She hid her feelings until they meant nothing, only for it to all break down in a moment of weakness.

Outside of Shoney's Pub in the lot where he parked his bike, Sean put his spare helmet from the trunk on Emma and rode her home to Manny's. He set her up and sped off en route to take her home. He had just paid and they were full after splitting some onion rings and chicken tenders which she paid for the food portion of the evening.

When they arrived he whispered tapping her shoulder now off of the bike, "Hey, we're at Manny's." He realized she hadn't woken up yet, he glanced to see all the lights were out at he house, "Emma, c'mon."

"Sean." She slurred jerking herself awake she wrapped her arms around his shoulders amusing him him in her mittens, "Seanny, Manny's having this party at the house. You should come. We're having food and drinks and karaoke. I can't wait."

"Manny invited me to that the other day at Novak's market getting milk, and you know, I can't say no to you, sure. I'll be there."

"Great, it starts at 8, it's a date."

He got a weird feeling about her being so boozy or whatever, but he was planning on being there anyway Emma or no Emma. "Okay," He unbuckled her and helped her up, she almost fell in the bushes beside the car that flanked the driveway and he tried to motivate her, "Great, now let's get you inside."

She wined and fell to the ground giggling, "Remember when you got drunk at Jimmy's house and you and I had to get a ride home?"

At first, while he gathered her things in the console mini trunk, she was leaning against the car in the driveway but took a tumble and she nearly fell into a bush still unable to stand. She was laughing and in good spirits and trying and failing to sneak inside.

"Yeah, that's something I'd like to forget." Sean whispered anxiously, "Shh, you're gonna wake up the neighbors or Manny. I doubt she wants to see you like this."

In a sing-song in her voice, slurring a bit with her words, she nonchalantly and triumphantly declared in a quiet tone, "Ugh, whatever you're not fun. Neither am I because I'm going to bed as soon as my head hits the pillow."

He helped her stumble and waddle her way up the short driveway toward the house he was shocked that for a small girl, she was no more than 110 pounds, but in this impaired state of mind, she was dead weight and very hard to carry. Sean lifted weights too, and she was still a bit hard to assist her and guide her to her destination. Emma insisted on pointing out on the way home all the things that changed on Degrassi St. from the shops to the eateries, what a number a decade let alone almost two, could do to her. A sobering reminder that like or not, life goes on in her absence. It didn't matter to some, but it did matter to her.

The giggling and struggle ensued and when he was looking for Emma's keys in her little bag in the limited light out front by the porch, he managed to grumble a bit too loud, "Where are your keys, sleepyhead?"

They managed to either wake up or freak out enough in the process unintentionally. She was in her red matching striped pajamas and a pink fuzzy robe with no makeup, her long and dark hair tied up in a high bun, and, no amused or pleased expression on her face.

By this point of this never-ending nightmare of an evening, her rebellious teen daughter turned up drunk and possibly baked, and she had just got her settled, and they were set to talk in the morning, so that should be fun and then Emma herself, setting the tone for this nightmare saga for the duration was enough to make her angry. At this rate, she'll be pulling an all-nighter, coupled with regular day-to-day stressors in her own life, from presents to plans, and may as well be comfy or watching a film to cope. When she arrived home, Manny was deep into a Netflix drama the very one Emma filmed last winter in Vancouver and LA, the one Ellie watched with Sean earlier that day. She paused it to go put out the fire of Emma's late-night bar crawl with her former flame, and Manny was just spent. She remained kind and courteous and always, but this bothered her. This went against everything she knew about Emma.

Manny knows Emma is an adult just like her, but knows Emma has it differently as their lives are so vastly different, but still, the fact remains, that some things unfortunately never change. Emma truly can't take care of herself in that state of mind, from experience, so she'll be more content to cater to Emma at the moment, she's like a hurricane that Emma, than Kat, who had been warned to cut this stuff out.

Kat too had been drinking, but, she wouldn't bother talking to Emma who was only going to have a wicked hangover in the morning, it'd be talking to a brick wall with her stubbornly hard-headed ways, and with so much to be done for the party later on it's best to not start anything. She can be so sensitive, Manny lamented in her head as she watched the film. What put her in alert mode was Sean's motorcycle being as loud as it is didn't help, that is what got her to spring into action and meet them at the front door.

Some people drink to take the edge off, but from prior visits, Emma is typically to take it to another level, but never a full-blown drunk or alcoholic, similar to Ellie, but binge drinking even in adulthood is a red flag for sure, she self medicates what ails her and moves on the next day whatever happens happens, whatever it takes. Emma always says, "Don't worry about me." Manny wouldn't respond, or would say, "I wish I didn't, but I have to."

Manny doesn't feel like she gets any payment back though, like everyone looks out for damsel-esque Emma, but a regular good girl, good times never bad at least from what the eye can see, a high-functioning anxiety-riddled, lovable, and dependable and loyal to a fault Manny, who looks out for her?

Her common-law-type relationship where they may as well walk down the aisle with Craig doesn't fulfill her emotional needs, he's always busy, or tired, making excuses or not catering or prioritizing, almost neglecting themselves for everyone else. It wasn't in the danger zone, but treading quite close if things didn't change.

As Manny opened the door, she saw them and chuckled, "You got to be kidding."

Emma was half asleep, still out of it, and very drunk, but in good spirits. "Manny! Oh my God, how was work?" She pulled Manny tight into an embrace.

"She's drunk?" Manny exasperatedly passively sighs, uncomfortably simultaneously facepalms, and shakes her head looking at Sean and Emma with a less than enthused and exhausted look on her face.

She assists Sean quietly putting Emma on the sofa bed set up for her in the living room. In seconds, Emma passed out. Manny was grateful, at least she wasn't alone but she wished she got a text back. The lack of consideration and a heads up aside from the emojis, she had a feeling she'd go out or drink or something, and the emojis were evident from earlier. When they left the room she quietly whispered genuinely grateful for her friend stepping up, "Thanks for bringing her here."

"Anytime," Sean replied.

They let Emma sleep and Manny walked Sean to the front door they came in, "Ugh this is going to be an interesting winter break."

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow night. What would you need me to bring? Food? Drink?"

"We got it covered, you don't have to bring anything just yourself. We've been doing this party for almost as long as we've had Kat." Manny softly grimaced checking behind her to make sure Emma was sound asleep, and not crept up behind her or eavesdropping.

Elated as she heard Emma's loud snoring and mumbling from the living room, prompting Manny to say what she pleases, one final measure to ensure of this, she took Sean out to the front porch to be safe, it was late and he needed to get some sleep and assumed it'll be brief. Manny reached in her kimono robe a pack of smokes and a lighter. She lit her cigarette and talked to him. She wanted to be in the loop, how exactly did they wind up running into each other?

Craig is asleep and has been pretty much since he got home from work, Kat is already home fast asleep, and Emma's finally home as well so Manny can relax and rest knowing everyone is safe and sound, and now she can retire. She'd been jonesing all day and she hated doing it around impressionable Kat.

Manny questioned flatly, "What did you kids get into? She drank everything but the kitchen sink didn't she?"

"I believe she mentioned she started with a long island and progressed from there." Sean laughed wildly before getting serious, his hands in his pockets sort of bashful, "We had fun."

Once back inside, Manny got her more comfortable. First, she started by removing her shoes, redressing her by putting her in one of Craig's old, and covered holes t-shirts, or more specifically a band-tee, and tucking her in a large throw blanket on the bed with a wastebasket beside her in case she got sick.

She instinctively stayed up with her as long as she could, just before the birdsong of morning with dark corn blue skies, putting on something simple, comforting, and season-appropriate on Netflix until she passed out in the living room chair beside the couch bed where Emma laid and stirred, struggling to get comfortable but went into full slumber mode, with the television still on.

Around four, Manny set Emma up with a bottle of water, a cold compress, and another little dish of water, and finally, she got tired enough to lay in bed.

She figured, Emma coming home to them, would be the opposite of stress. Now here, she just impulsively ran away after a minor disagreement with her daughter Kat, but the common thread, ran away, as usual, and ran into the very person she always claimed to hate, whom she didn't want to run into or see, which isn't inherently true. Their chemistry was electric, Manny could see it then, and she wasn't alone in that thought or hypothesis. She'd be lying if she didn't think everybody who knew her then, just knew, that had Emma only held on, stuck to her guns, did her own thing, and most importantly, stuck close to home, there'd be a real truth, a chance for them, here in town, all those years ago.

Sadly, Manny ponders if Ellie knows too, unbeknownst to her, she deep down does know, how much Sean is in love with Emma, over anyone. The lack of closure is, and will always haunt him, the lost love, the nostalgia of who they both used to be, the youth and the milestones in their young relationship outweigh and will never be able to be lit by candle or compare to the love they have for each other.

Manny also knows this is a very precarious situation. She knows that if this doesn't go well, Emma could very well stay far away from town, she's not naive like Emma is, not as a dig, but a strict observation of the stubborn, hard-headed friends she has. If Emma was stubborn, Sean is more if not similar. They could be nuclear together, but still so much love and passion, and for this to work out, Sean's going to, for better or worse need reinforcements and others in their corner. Craig knows more than he lets on about the epic that is Emma and Sean.

The kicker is, Manny knows Emma, sometimes better than she knows herself, and she knows this isn't over, it had never been, and now, she is surely full of strong inklings and knowledge, it being everything, it's only just begun.

The feelings all good bad or ugly are laid out on the table like the tables in buffets, full to the brim, overwhelming, and easily, they could sweep themselves up into something they can no longer fight, bigger than everyone, including themselves.