Alone in the darkness

Remembering when you were mine, yeah

Everybody's smiling

The whole world is rejoicing

And everyone's embracing

Except for you and I, baby

I Miss You (Most at Christmastime)

I miss you

Most at Christmas time

And I can't get you

Get you off my mind

Every other season

Comes along and I'm alright

But then I miss you

Most at Christmas time

MARIAH CAREY /

I MISS YOU MOST AT CHRISTMASTIME

1993

-x-x-x-

Chapter Seven
I Miss You (Most at Christmastime)

Casa Jeremiah

Morning, in present-day

"Ugh, what's that smell?." Emma groggily woke up with a groan, hoarse from the cigarettes, the alcohol, and the hangover feeling, all sick to her stomach. It was a hangover that wouldn't be easily or quickly cured, regret set in, she hadn't drunk that much in a long time.

Emma felt relieved but hadn't much to say, although the day was young and new, rubbing her eyes smearing her already smeared raccoon eyes with last night's makeup caking on her skin. Her bedhead appeared like high school Spike's, or Cyndi Lauper's circa 1982. Craig's Taking Back Sunday tee suited her grungy and unintentional aesthetic, she looked very homeless chic.

In typical Kat fashion, she at first ignored the world, and especially ignored Emma, sipping her hot black coffee from the Keurig, and was preoccupied with a pair of wayfarer sunglasses looking unenthusiastic and annoyed which seems to be the norm, roughly 80 percent of the time give or take. "As soon as I'm done school," she said to Manny, "I'm going straight home to sleep until this stupid party."

Manny didn't feel like arguing this early, she barely slept, barely remembers falling asleep, "Okay, sure honey."

"You're so unfair grounding me two days before Christmas. You're like acting this way because she's here."

"Not true, you snuck out. What am I supposed to do? I'm not trying to argue with you. I'm your parent, and you're acting like you're twenty."

"I'm mature."

"Sure, we'll go with that. The fact is, you're acting like a brat. Be respectful. You're lucky to be allowed to hang with the adults, you also can't nap because Auntie Em is probably not gonna be able to help."

"You're so lucky you can drink," Kat muttered to Emma full of herself condescendingly, knowing how sick she was. "If you love me at all Auntie Em, talk to my mom. In the meantime, I'm listening to music." She took the zipper to unzip and promptly grabbed her earbuds from her crossbody.

Manny turned and held out her hand, "I'll give these back after school, missy."

"MOM! You can't be serious, ugh!" Kat grunted miserably relinquishing them to her. Emma hid her amusement, it was about damn time she had been inconvenienced for being rotten these past few minutes. The day was young and Emma wanted her to simmer down. She never wants a baby of her own, how did she get so cruel?

Emma chimed back plainly to Kat, "Be careful what you wish for, kid."

Manny had her back turned still and she sternly told her daughter what the plan was but casually, "So Kat you will be a good host and help your mom."

"Yes, ma'am." She is especially cocky in the morning, and less than enthusiastically rolled her eyes beside Emma. She hollered to her mom who wasn't facing her yet, "Can I get a few bucks, sugar momma for lunch?"

Manny exasperatedly and begrudgingly pulled out a five and a ten out of her pants pocket and gave it to her warning her, "Sure, I haven't gone to the bank yet, but here. You can get yourself something from The Dot. Before you say you want more, it's Christmas. As far as moms go, you can do worse." She was despite the chaotic evening before, in a generally good mood or she was trying to be, masking by imitating the wives she sees on the shows she watches, very June Cleaver, making breakfast, and cleaning up around her as Kat never lifted a finger and made a mess with breakfast. Emma being a guest, any other time she'd help if she could, but she hadn't cleaned since her departure. The houses she stays at have live-in housekeepers, and she's out of touch with the reality of real-world women such as her best friend. She didn't say anything, nursing that heavy hangover. She knew if she ate she'd probably feel better but she didn't want to. She could go awhile without eating, and this seems to be the general lifestyle of the famous Emma.

So with all that going on in her head, he was somewhat preoccupied, but Emma couldn't stand the smell of food period right now, even if it was and smelled delicious. Manny was hard at work, she fried the bacon on the griddle for everyone, she'd probably have to clean it all up too since Kat is stormy and unpredictable. " Also Kat, you're very lucky Santa is coming after the stuff you pulled at school the parties, the sneaking out, you can forget about Disney World Senior Trip if you keep it up, or even university?"

"Ugh! Lighten up, Mom please, you can be so ugh! It's only 7:45, I just can't right now. Besides, I have school in oh," She looked at her wristwatch, "Less than twenty minutes I meet the bus, or Dad will have to drive me, I just can't be late, I have to see Paul this morning anyway, I have a life you know." She took off her sunglasses to show she 'means' business or wants to be tough.

She is far from a morning person, and adding insult to injury her aunt who suddenly wants to be a magical presence doesn't help, and unfortunately Manny experiences this back and forth daily, the back and forth Emma can barely understand she feels like watching a ping pong between mom and daughter. Craig's still getting ready for work, that's what Manny is concerned about since Craig needs to eat too and he isn't a whiz in the kitchen by any stretch. The pong match is as follows for Kat, If mom says no ask dad, they both say no ask Joey, if all three are united on no she then calls her rich Auntie Em, and of course, it's always a yes. Now she's beginning to see things for what they are, and she now sees it from Manny's perspective and her failings with her young niece, and suddenly it seems kind of fucked up. "I don't care, what's the point? Go to college be trillions in debt, whoo hoo! It's all a joke. Neither of you guys went to university. Capitalism makes me less likely, you should know, millennials."

Manny confirmed, "Kitty, Kat, Honey, we did go to college, okay? Maybe not a fancy one like Banting, I can't say the same for your aunt, no offense."

Emma wanted no part of the drama, she just flatly agreed stating, "None taken."

Manny continued, "We saved up, your father and I, we didn't go right away, straight out of high school, you should know that, but you have an amazing opportunity. I'd be lying if I'm not jealous, you literally have no struggles, no worries and you're just, I don't understand. Your dad and I, Aunt Em, didn't go to a four-year university, and your lovely aunt surely didn't put your college fund together and gift you all that money for you to throw away your potential and your future."

Kat hid her hurt slipping back on her black wayfars, mocking the sentiment. She can be a spoiled, rotten, bitch, and she acts like it's fine but it isn't. She's been holding her secrets so close to her to the root cause of why she'd changed. "I have no idea what's going on with you, you shut me out, what am I supposed to think?"

She drank some coffee picking at her pop tart unphased and sounding like she truly was a spoiled brat with little to no real opinions or cares. It hit a nerve, Manny didn't realize how disparaging it was to feel invalid in her mother's eyes. If she only knew what was going on, she'd feel guilty for saying Kat has no cares or worries, that she's just a kid, but she'd lost that spark, the thirst for learning, slipped grades and all, what is Manny supposed to think? What is a mother to do? Emma felt guilty for the things that happened in the years leading up to the moment, and figured they needed time on their own to discuss, and she being this accessory felt morally wrong. She's not all bad, she's most likely misunderstood, Emma realized, and understands Manny's frustration, it blinds her. She's at a loss of what to do about her teenaged daughter, who'd become hardened and full of rebellion seemingly overnight, and has been complicated to wrangle since. She's been tirelessly racking her brain on what to do about it, how to cope with it, how to keep herself centered and it drives her crazy, because she loves her daughter, and wants the old version of her, the one who was kind to her family, the one who did help out and never fought them or rode them hard, eating them out of house and home, lounging instead of that and jumping to conclusions day in and out, day after day for the better part of the summer, fall and now continuing into the winter.

She added logs onto the fiery argument like she always does, and proceeded to get super cultural and opinionated, uppity, and such making it harder for the women to sympathize, or maybe she was trying to paint a picture for Emma and be generally rude and kill the two birds with the one stone here with this remark, "Well, Paul said that college is a trap, and money grabs for the rich elite, one percent, like for example, big pharma, Bezos, and the auto industries of America, and here in Canada. So why is it so far-fetched?"

"So what you're just gonna do nothing like you do now?"

"I don't know." She mumbled with defeat, "I don't wanna be in debt and struggle. Paul isn't this bad guy, or bad influence, Mom."

"Who is to say Paul's sticking around? You live and you learn, you have to be self-sufficient, be realistic. "

"Yes ma'am." She sarcastically grimaced. Emma looked on unimpressed with her diva-like tantrum and contempt.

Manny finally put her foot down, embarrassed and tempers flaring. "This is the last thing I'm gonna say before I lose my shit, baby girl. You don't mess with me, okay? Kat, I love you and you're going to college, end of story. It's not up for debate. You're not going to suffer, I will drive you there and it's not something we're arguing about anymore. Paul will either stick by you or he's not, and I'm sick of you taking his opinion, over us. We're your family, and you need to count your blessings, honey. Just stop it."

She whined thinking it'll get her in less trouble, "Mom! I know you have hated him since I brought him home. I hate that. I hate you!"

"Katrina Maude you stop it, stop it right now. You're gonna be grounded all holiday break you keep this shit up. I don't know how you're so disrespectful and out of line. I'd be dead fucking meat if I spoke that way to my father."

"Why are you so unfair? Why must you have to rain on my parade all the time? I love him."

"You're so young, he's your first boyfriend. There are plenty of people who don't teach their girlfriends to be political warheads against god knows what. I had Emma for that, thank god she stopped harping about the environment, it was the best thing that ever happened to her."

"Watch it, I still dabble in politics." Emma chimed in and then realized she was out of her element, "Sorry."

"You're forgiven." Manny giggled before getting serious in a snap, "You have no idea how difficult it is to be an adult, you're all not wanting to be a colleagte what career pray tell will you want to pursue without a degree, huh? You want to learn, get a job then, Kat. You'll see how easy it is."

"Aunt Em is rich, she sings, dances, does it all, triple threat. I must say that's a damn impressiive career. Sometimes I wish you pursued your talents."

"I would if it wasn't for you! I gave up everything."

Kat stood up, "I never asked you to."

"I did what I felt was right." Manny froze and realized how complicated it was, this was not the time or the place five minutes before the fire detector went off. She sighed exasperated collecting herself and her composure, experiencing humility. She didn't mean for this honesty to come out.

"I guess I was a mistake, is what you're saying? You guys didn't, you never open up to me. I guess I don't have time for breakfast."

Emma turned off the chime of the fire alarm she somehow remembered to do from years ago, and then observed a moment of silence, Manny disapppointedly glared at Kitty and then the

"Why do I fucking bother, breakfast is ruined." She whipped back around with her ladle still in her hand turning to face her bellyach once more, testing her patience. "Honey, I'm realistic! The conversation is over. Why must you do this all the time, I'm friggin' exhausted, nothing is going right, I need a break and you just love fighting me on everything, you love testing me, why? I do not deserve this shit."

Emma couldn't take the drama between the ladies much longer and made her feelings known, not to be a diva but she was continuously uncomfortable with all the chaos. "Guys, I have a headache. Can we keep it down to a dull roar? Kat please just keep peace with your mother, please." she interjected by groaning out loud touching her tender temples as her head throbbed, she winced and moaned, as she got up from the table where she had been sitting, rummaged through the fridge, and got a bottle of water and a little something to snack on, as Manny was prepping things in the kitchen. "Oh and Kat?"

She bitterly questioned her for the interruption, "What, Auntie Em? I don't know if you're gonna defend this farce, Emma but -"

She had leverage she simply asked in front of Manny, "Did you tell your mom how disrespectful you were to me yesterday when all I asked was where you were planning on going dressed like your mom at that rave circa 2003, and stuff?"

Manny was shocked and embarrassed and quickly whipped her head around for an explanation, arguably she was a little bit humiliated and confused. "Emma? What?! What do you mean? Please enlighten me." She crossed her arms glaring at her friend for bringing up such a thing from the past, in regards to her still an impressionable young daughter, but also embarrassed about Kat's recent behavior that was all on display in plain sight of her famous friend.

To say Manny was maxed out and nearing burnout is an understatement, the girl needs a fun vacation where she's to have no worries. It's one of Emma's gifts to her, she figures.

Manny knows that she would never be able to accept a free all-expenses-paid vacation but it would be nice, so very nice even if she could only surrender to dream of it. She feels majorly burnt out though, there isn't a lie detected there. Emma was thinking of getting Manny a spa weekend for the two of them, she can't wait to gift it to her but in the meantime, she has to figure out what to do about Kat, or at least find out why she's so stormy and wicked so that Manny can relax.

"Mom!" Kat made an intrigued expression evident on her face, she questioned, "Why am I just finding that out, you held out on me? You were a raver Mom? You know, I can get used to Auntie Em, who I suddenly forgive now." She clinked Emma's coffee mug with her own, Emma returned the gesture and then looked at Manny with an uncomfortable beam.

"Emma! Why?" Manny widened her eyes and was still recovering from that humbling moment, still humiliated by that revelation and her daughter's reaction. "Not another word about my life before you were around, capeesh? A very long eighteen years ago. You weren't even a glimmer in my Urban Decay glittery eyeshadows I was always wearing in the most outlandish colors back then. Your father was not even supposed to be there, yeah sure, I invited him but I didn't think he'd have the gall to show up. I'm glad he did, but it was, never mind, forget it, a long time ago, but you weren't that far off."

Emma corroborated her story, "If memory serves, Momma, you peeled off early with Kat's father, and I walked in on you two making kissy faces in my twin bed when I took a cab home, because you guys left me there, you know, remember? I may be wrong if I remember that night correctly."

Narrow squinting but somewhat jesting and applying some ribbing to keep things light, "Em, must you? Now go sleep it off. I'm having a very serious conversation with my very impressionable teenage daughter. I don't want to remember that, that's inappropriate. We almost stopped being friends over that. Ugh, no." And turned to Kat, "Please don't make the same mistakes I made in fashion and otherwise, please for you and my sake. Stop giving me grief and grey hair!"

"I think I see it, mom." Kat giggled. "Emma should tell me more about your wild times! Can you?"

"Ugh, stop this. Ugh, I'm so embarrassed, thanks Emma for that visual so early in the morning."

Emma was about to retire from the conversation at Manny's request, and left them with, "Okay, I'll go, because you asked so nicely. Manny, for the record I hope you'll always remember now, thongs go inside the jeans." In a sing-song voice, she bid them goodbye for now, "I'll be outside." With her, she took her hot coffee that finally finished percolating in the Keurig. Emma also figured that Manny and Kat needed to have a conversation between themselves, alone, and she wasn't of much help due to her hangover while they waited for breakfast to finish cooking, she wasn't hungry anyway. She was to be retired to the back patio and opened the kitchen's backyard facing French doors, where she was met by Joey.

He was preoccupied, sipping some coffee while he read the newspaper, tinkering around with his pen making a list for some shopping items for the party at the time. He was probably avoiding the shitshow between his granddaughter and Manny. He knew better to sneak out and get some light reading done.

Most of the decor was already on display, just a few odds and ends, and some shopping and they'd be ready for the upcoming big party. She sat on the chair across from him on the little bistro table greeting him, "Hey."

The night of drinking is going to make it a long day, she regretted the impulsive decision when there's still so much to be done, lots of errands and arrangements to make with all hands on deck, and she's nearly out of commission. She is unlikely to get much rest or nap between the buzzing, prep, food, and trips to the store before the evening is upon them, not to mention still a few presents she has to snag before the big day.

"Hey Emma, late night?" He asked looking up from the paper, she grimaced from the light ribbing in jest. "Been there. So big day today, huh? What did you get into last night?"

"I had a few drinks at that dive bar down the street."

"Wow, I can't believe it's still there. That's a trip for sure."

"I sense you got a story about it?"

"Sure do. Once upon a time, Snake and I got fake IDs in high school from a guy named Sloane Ketterman, a burnout who graduated a year before us. He was the king of Degrassi High, he'd throw wild ragers and keggers. We thought he was the coolest, and he was, he was like a legend. He was at the time, this popular guy and he was good at sports, and he didn't do anything much after that, he stayed in town and such, and he wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed. He didn't get accepted, plus he hurt his knee in some senior prank. After high school, he got a job at Kinkos and was distributing fakes, fake IDs. Needless to say, the bouncer ripped them up immediately when we tried to get in there. I think Sloane got in trouble and was later fired but not sure, that was a while ago, you were probably in diapers or something. A few years later though, we drank there when we were legal, in college home visiting family as nineteen-year-olds, during our university days during winter break. The old dude who had that bouncer check our IDs for being fake, remembered us and got us wasted. He gave us like a few on the house and then from there we probably back then paid not much when all was said and done, tipped him well, but he's a heavy pouring God, wisdom and knew what he was doing, stand up guy. Good guy, good times, and in the morning as you can see Emma, Snake, and I nursed ourselves two horrible hangovers."

Emma amused giggled. "Yep, I know the feeling. His name wasn't Shoney by any chance?"

"Oh yeah, a matter of fact it was. Wow, I can't believe he's still around. All that happened in the early '90s, maybe 1991 if that. It's a small and crazy world." He sipped his coffee, " Now Shoney he's got to be in his 80's by now." He looked up from his list, "Emma take a look at this list, is there anything you think we need or you want on the list?" She from the seat took a gander, he added, "We got the snacks like Chips, Pretzels, Doritos, we got to get the booze still, I figured you can help me pick up some of that."

"Oh okay, sure." Emma chimed in, wanting to help the best she could, and that is monetarily speaking her language, "I can put in for some things too. I'm good for it."

"Nah, nonsense. I don't want you to spend money, even coming over our place for the duration is a vacation for you. I don't mind, we love having you. We got you covered. You're our guest, not so sound so Disney."

"Well, the offer is always there, thanks for having me. "Is it always this bad with Manny and Kat?"

"Lately? Oh yeah, things have been brewing for a while between them. Even I was getting manipulated by not so little Kat. She changed, something is going on I just know it. I keep hearing that Paul is a ne'er do well and stuff and whatever, that's their side of the house. I've been burned before for trying to remedy that mess."

Emma softly smiled, "Well maybe Manny can have some fun tonight, because she needs some fun."

"There you are, you one girl cheer up expert. I can see that you being here, means a lot to her. She may not confide so much in me, but Manny is a strong girl, but I know she missed her best friend. Please don't discount that because Kat is being kind of insufferable."

"I won't. I'm here." Emma answered blanky still smoking her cigarette and chilling outside enjoying the conversation. "I missed you too, Joey."

"Really?" He asked flattered.

"Of course." Emma answered.

"Yeah, well that made my morning. Glad to know you still care about us little people, this isn't what I meant but yeah. That all being said, I hope you got me something nice for Christmas though." Joey smiled with a festive little elf laugh. "Thank you though for your offer, and being here, the generosity, but do not worry. We've been doing this for years, it's a family tradition. You've been before when Ang and baby Jack were little."

"I always try. Thanks, Joey again, for letting me stay here for the holidays. Mom and Snake have no idea I'm home,and I wanted to surprise them today and especially spend some time with them tonight at the big party."

"It's a good thing they think I'm coming solo to pick up some things to bring here for later on, within the hour or so. You're gonna give them the thrill of their lives! Snake has no clue you're in town? Definitely."

"Oh? Well that's going to be awesome. You love a good scheme, Joey!"

"Indeed I do, but your mom and Snake they also help out with this shindig. They got a lot of extra stuff they want transport here for tonight, like the famous ooey gooey moussaka for the vegans and vegetarians, and his the nachos overload extravaganza which is a crowd pleaser, Spike is making her frosted brownies and puppy chow snacks she calls it tipsy elf because she bakes in a minty flavor now with crushed candy canes and chocolate chavings and chex mix, and I'm gonna take that stuff off their hands while we run errands, it'll be fun and classic," He shook his head relishing the prank and scheming to bring his coffee mug to his lips. "I can't wait to see the look on Snake's face. I live for pranking Archie, ugh it feels so foreign calling him his real name, Snake."

"Ifind myself calling him Snake too. When Kat was little she used to say, Uncle Snake and when they were studying animals in school she said, I have an uncle Snake." They shared a laugh, Emma can only imagine, for two old guys they can be the funniest people around, and she appreciates them and the humor they provide. "Thanks again, Joey. So when do you want to head to my parents or the store?"

He checked his watch and looked up at Emma, "I guess sooner rather than later. I don't want to rush ya, but do you want to get ready to go as soon as you can, so we can head over to load the food in the truck from your parent's house? We'll leave in 15 minutes?"

"Yeah, that's cool. I'll get on that as soon as I finish up my coffee and stuff."

"I suppose from their place, we get whatever is on this list." Joey brandished his little legal notepad with the yellow paper he'd been writing the list with, "I guess I'll say this, the way I see it, the girls are fighting as usual, and Craig got called in earlier for work because his job is having a potluck or something. So if World War III happens and even gets nuclear or just plain loud, or doors start slamming or whatever, at least you weren't around to see it or hear it, alternatively you'll sleep it off, but you won't get any rest."

"How do you manage?"

"I get a lot of help from my old friends, Jack Daniels, Jose Quervo, and Buddy Weiser."

They both had a nice laugh. Joey doesn't drink regularly, maybe he does, but he's always a jokester. Emma was excited and her hangover troubles seemed to melt like the snow from the sunny warmer temperature morning. Joey adds in a friendly manner, "Now no pressure, you're here on vacation and you don't have to come, but I could use the company. I'm shielding you from that," He pointed to the house, "You know, kill two birds."

In unison, they said, "One stone." Emma accepts the invitation and has some renewed energy from the coffee, "Joey, it's final. I'll go. I'm down." Emma laughed at his warlike analogies like FUBAR and nuclear, his 1980s references and slang like stellar, tubular, dude, and even the 1990s things like da bomb and all that and a bag of chips, and other phrases like it.

As for all the military speak, even following military times on his digital clock on his smartphone and foyer, his dad was a decorated war veteran, and his pop pop before him, and he comes from a long line of veterans named Joseph, and some even earned prestigious medals through the various military branches through proper channels. They were his heroes. He had flat feet and couldn't enlist. His grandfather also named Joseph, earned not one but two purple hearts. The Jeremiah family relocated after the second medal. He was from there honorably discharged, and the family settled in Toronto when Dad was little perhaps 10 years old by that time.

He had a normal life all things considered, and Joey was born. As a kid and teen, Joey struggled in school. He was once held back. Everything was a joke and he had pretty much it easy, and it was all fun and games until it wasn't. After his Degrassi High days were through, he lost Caitlin and grew up and did the things a young adult does, work, college, balancing acts, odd jobs, regular jobs, resumes, temp gigs, and graduated with his business degree and opened up Jeremiah Motors in the mid 1990's.

Down the line after his failed engagement with Caitlin, and a string of short-lived romances, and after he bought the lot, Joey met Julia Manning. She was in the car lot searching for a new car to pack up her life and get far away from her violent, temperamental, physically abusive, and verbally abusive surgeon ex-husband. She quietly ran away from Albert while he was working and young Craig was at school. It wasn't an ideal situation but Joey felt this was no ordinary woman. She was more than that, she was extraordinary. It was almost serendipity, fateful, and fairytale when Julia spotted this 1995 yellow neon in excellent shape and wanted it for herself. She was good for the money. She emptied her savings and her little pickle jar and carafe in her closet she filled with loose pocket change, and cashed it out when she had enough to leave her marriage. It took her about a year to save up. She knew if she could get through that year, she'd be home free.

Julia initially wanted it because when she saw it at Jeremiah Motors, made a U-turn in the business next door to a different dealership, because it caught her eye it was yellow, after all. Joey had a reputation for not price gauge like the other dealers in town, so fair prices and the commercial were something she always liked. He couldn't help but notice she was initially a bit flustered and arguably a little starstruck, a little bit on edge because she was afraid Albert was having her tracked or followed. He'd done it before. Before she knew it, she was the proud owner of a new car embarking on a new life. She didn't get that far, aside from some vacations after they got serious with baby Angela and her boy, who later became his stepson, Craig.

They talked as she signed the papers for ownership, title, registration, and all the other paperwork she was given the keys, and Joey while she was admiring her car, slipped her cell number in the manila envelope for her to keep, and the rest of it was history. Once they dated and fell in love he was able to meet Craig for the first time. He was a quiet boy and it took a while for Joey to get him out of his shell. He always liked her son Craig from her previous marriage, and obviously, Albert never minced words and felt the exact opposite and didn't have high hopes for this arrangement. Joey wasn't a fool and could understand that, and by proxy, there was a messy custody battle and divorce. Unfortunately, due to Albert's connections and wealth with the help of good lawyers, he was able to get 60 percent custody, over Julia which hurt her. He paid a settlement so she could live out the rest of her days much to his chagrin.

Joey and Julia were naturally heartbroken and in utter disbelief. The judge or courts didn't believe Julia's word on Albert's issues with abuse which is the true reason she separated and initiated the divorce, and she was concerned now that Albert had Craig more than half of the time. She had weekends. Albert was able to finagle some stories that she is a pathological liar and exaggerated stories. Fortunately, they kept Craig in their thoughts, and together they treasured the little bits of time they got with Craig. Shortly after they married months after her divorce was signed and finalized Angela was born. When Angela was three or four, she got sick and Craig came around more, but Albert would drop him off and speed off. After Julia passed, her son wasn't around anymore. Of course, maybe four years later, Craig came to live with Joey as a teen, and little by little, over the time he had him little tidbits came out about how it was living with Albert and was similar to when Julia would open up to Joey. Craig still internally battles the traumatizing ordeal after his mom left, started a life of his own, and the short number of years at the end of her life before he lost her. Sadly now a young adult, Angela doesn't remember much and was shielded by Joey from Julia when she was dying in hospice. She knows she loves her and her favorite color. Joey had that yellow neon hauled away after her passing because it was only a sad reminder of their love story that ended so soon. It hurt him to see out front. Perhaps it went to a good home. He didn't put it back to the lot either, or sold it, but out of sight. She barely drove it anyhow, but that's their story.

But circling back to reality Joey had a point going with him. She quietly wondered to herself how he deals with that level of feminine energy being a guy. Emma impulsively checked her existing pack of cigarettes to see there were many of her smokes left. She was as she thought running low. She took one out to light with her coffee, brought her ashtray closer to her, and put her sunglasses down from her head and on her eyes in the bright winter sunlight. She asked Joey, "Can we please stop at Novak's for a new pack of smokes on the way?"

"Of course. Plus a word of advice if I may."

"Yeah, Joey?"

He gestured with a kindly nature, "A shower will help what you have going on here."

She beamed softly with humor. It's hard to frown with Joey around. She missed him and his sage wisdom and wisecracks keeping everyone upbeat on their toes. She knew she smelled like the drinks from last night, stale cigarettes from the bar and on the deck at Shoney's little corner bar which, she can make out in the distance from the fenced-in backyard patio.

She and Joey talked a bit more as she finished up her cigarette and cup of coffee. After all that, she excused herself to take a quick shower to rinse off and get ready for the day ahead and hopefully, she can do everything she needs to do. She had originally hoped she could get a little bit more than a wink but a short nap before the evening festivities, unfortunately, there was a lot to be done, and some time out could do her some good.

"Oh and Emma, before I forget something came for you, it's in the guest room." Joey almost forgot. It was a large box in the mail, she had no idea what it could be, and some of her packages weren't set to arrive for a few more days.

When she opened the large box, she realized what was inside. A beautiful bouquet of a dozen light pink fresh roses, her favorite, always had been. Her mom's flowers were also at her wedding pink. She saw there was a typed card with her name and the logo and branding of the florist, the gifter had a note. It looked thick because it was written on. The envelope had her name on top and she softly beamed curious as to who it was from. She opened it up and it read:

I'm sorry, flowers are the best I can do.

I hope you like them, and most importantly, I hope that you eventually with time forgive me for the last time we spoke?

I'm not a wordsmith but I think I broke a record for the long-winded apology avoiding the two words that would make it count, sorry. I mean it, and I don't want it to lose meaning.

I'll make this note even longer, with a confession too, (they could make this double-sided on the card right?) Anyway here goes:

Hi there,

I like you a lot.

It is funny how it's easy to say that anonymously, maybe more than like you.

Infatuated might fit better. Isn't just for a teenager, you know. I swear I'm not creepy, just cryptic.

Just think about that, stew on that, maybe when you find out who I am,

you'll like me too. Is that wishful thinking? Too much? I hope not.

Little bird told me you might reciprocate that sentiment, perhaps not, maybe my intel is wishy-washy.

I just figured she knew you best is all.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the third time would be the charm, I think

Oh, or whatever. I don't know. I wasn't a mathematician or 'scholarly' way back when either.

Here, is a clue or two:

You know me, but maybe don't know how I feel because I'm a familiar face and I want you to enjoy the flowers and less worry about the who and why. I think they're your favorite, pink roses tied with a white satin ribbon dappled with baby breaths. Keep 'em, they're all yours, or don't but it'd be sad if they went to waste. Side note, I've debated writing you a note about three times with the bouquet and each time has been, should I? Finally, I fought back with, why not? It's the holidays.

Maybe I shouldn't have, but you, the beauty of my beastly ways, I wanted to gift these to you and besides, we'd compliment though being so vastly unlike one another.

If you think I had help with this one, I did. I got to give my friends, the staff at Degrassi St Floral Arrangements a big round of applause, but they're taking my money, but they do an excellent job. Don't ask them about my identity though, bc I bribed them! Also, pink roses are out of season, so they were quite pricey, not to be that blunt, but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make! You're an important girl to me though, it's worth it. I hope so.

Janet, the florist who arranged this, helped me with the spelling and composition of this note and any that are coming to you in the next couple of days. She also wrote this bc my handwriting is AWFUL. Total chicken scratch and also the better to protect who I am, and my rep.

Before I end this note, I want to stress that you're truly unforgettable, and you deserve something nice, to make you smile. (She's a fan, btw. Fandoms and everything. She loves your music so she just ate this up!) You're welcome, I couldn't resist at the very least providing a note and maybe a laugh or whatever this morning just for you.

I wish I could see your smiling face opening this up upon seeing your favorite, or what your favorite flowers are.

I definitely can arrange a few new tricks up my sleeve, you'll see.

It's no fun to tell you who I am this early in.

Until then, see you around.

Love always, Your secret admirer

xo

She thought it might be MC Dice, looking for a roll in the hay it was doubtful considering how he lambasted her in the media shortly after their big split, but she hoped it was someone else who'd been on her mind too.

The last things she remembered before passing out was a semblance of civility between her long lost love Sean, and of course, the liquid courage either worked against her or for her. She vowed she wouldn't ask, but it sure was a pleasant surprise. She finished getting ready and set the flowers up on the vanity in a vase and finished getting ready, she kept the note and showed Manny.

Maybe that's what all the sorrow was about in the note, that he was sorry about their screaming match in that alleyway. She hoped it was Sean, but it was something unexpected. Perhaps she matters more than he lets on but can hide behind flowers and notes to get his point across. She felt the energy and hoped for the best.

As she got ready she was feeling boosted and somewhat happy, a tad anxious and excited about the evening, anticipating love and romance on the horizon awaiting her and them. She also doesn't want her hopes to be dashed in a second with her bad cases of chronic verbal diarrhea or lose her shit on him if it isn't meant to be. She's still afraid of that feeling she felt for years for him in the past and up until recently, her one big regret was just coasting away and ghosting him, wanting him to hurt like her, or lust after who she'd become, and she's desperate to not go through that in the present and future. If all this came from MC Dice she'd laugh because she never knew him to be this coherent, he was a fuck every other world guy and he was very much censored or PG in a manner of speaking or in this case, writing.

"I'm heading out with Joey, do you need anything while we're out?"

"Nah, have fun. You sound like you're feeling a bit better, I'll see you when you get back. We got a lot to do today."

"Of course, see you." She hugged her friend and met Joey outside. Perhaps being in town for the holidays won't be so bad. It could very well fly by like the years that passed since she skipped town for greener pastures.

The grass was certainly not as green elsewhere. The bittersweet truth is as she'd find out, on her manicured lawn at her empty and cold mansion, alongside the beach, in the warm sunshine, sunrises dining alfresco with impromptu dinners on the balcony, with wine, and whatever else her heart desired, and observing the sunsets by the beach and bays at her residence far away in Los Angeles the city of sin and angels, this was a far cry from that, and she missed the cozy community she once shared. Here, she felt safe though, despite the weirdness, sometimes chaos, and awkward first meetings all over again, but feeling unharmed and basking in the experience of being home for Christmas, like the comforting holiday song.

Like Dorothy Gale from Kansas in The Wizard of Oz, when she after a time away from the farm in Oz, wanted nothing but a simple pleasure of being home, and believing there's no place like any other but the odd word, home. t was funny because never, not once did she believe she'd permanently reside along Los Angeles and among the stars, the rich upper echelons, the highways and mountains, and Hollywood glory, but the first time she slept so easily feeling that soul connection of being home as if she belonged for the first time. She didn't have to fight, deny, or lie because no one would believe that she was ever truly happy over there. She almost lost it all being so careless out yonder, wondering and thinking pessimistically drowning, depressed, she feels at ease in the here and now, and she's so determined to revise some damage in her departure.

She remembered the night before, slow dancing with Sean at Shoney's bar to the tunes of Eric Clapton, and the magic of that dance, that she felt at peace once again, or close to it, and all it took was an airplane to be home at the most wonderful of time of the year, to achieve true happiness and bliss, and while it may not last, she'll never know for sure, she knows one thing, it's going to suck going back home, saying goodbye once again. This time it'll be different, she can feel it. Perhaps to Emma, like the old alma mater, where the blue and gold, brave and bold

with people with many stories to be told, Degrassi is, and forever more will always be, still her home.